//------------------------------// // Half-Flanked and Half-Eaten // Story: JAWS & FINS // by Octavia_Melody //------------------------------// That evening, Twilight sat around the kitchen table along with the rest of her family. Rose and Thorn were bickering over the last hay bacon strip as Twilight placed her chin on her hoof, deep in thought, not even eating her dinner. Spike looked at her in concern. “What’s wrong, Twilight?” he asked, “You haven’t touched your apple fritters.” “The shark, Spike...” Twilight replied, “That stupid shark...it’s still out there...waiting for the next Celestia-forsaken soul to swim out there.” “Do they have a plan to catch it?” Spike asked, “Will they keep the beaches closed?” “No, on both counts.” Twilight groaned. “Mom!!” Thorn whined, “Rose ate three pieces of hay bacon!” “Did not!” Rose replied. “Did too!” Thorn answered. “Enough!” Twilight yelled, slamming her hoof on the table, “Go to your rooms, both of you!” The two dracorns angrily trotted out of the kitchen as Spike placed his claws on Twilight’s hoof. “Don’t be too hard on them.” he advised, “They haven’t had much of an outlet since we can’t go to the beach.” “We’ll go to the beach tomorrow.” Twilight suggested, “How about it?” “What about the shark?” Spike asked, “We were all there when the last attack happened...that poor filly...” “We can’t live in fear for the rest of our lives.” Twilight said, “Besides, I plan to be on patrol tomorrow. Even if our idiot mayor won’t close the beaches, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep an eye out.” “What if the kids want to go in the water?” Spike wondered. “I guess they can play in the estuary.” Twilight suggested. The two were interrupted by a knock at the door. “I’ll go see who it is.” Spike said, starting to get up. “I’ll get it.” Twilight said, trotting over to the front door. The unicorn opened the door with her magic, not even lifting a hoof. She was a little surprised to see Rarity, with two wine bottles sticking out of her satchel. “Hello, darling.” Rarity announced, “Care for some wine?” “Rarity?” Twilight questioned, “What are you doing here? How did you find my house?” “Everypony around here knows where Chief Sparkle lives.” Rarity explained, “Now, I didn’t know what you’re having for dinner, so I brought a bottle of cherry-berry chardonnay and zap apple zinfandel. “ “How thoughtful.” Twilight said through gritted teeth as Rarity trotted past, inviting herself in. “Nice place you have here.” Rarity commented, observing the surroundings, “A bit small and homely, I must admit, but this is a beach town, after all.” “Do come in, Rarity.” Twilight said mockingly under her breath and rolling her eyes, “Make yourself at home.” “Why thank you, darling, don’t mind if I do.” Rarity answered as if she had heard the remark and believed it in earnest. Rarity sat down at Thorn’s usual seat and levitated the two wine bottles onto the table. Spike was speechless; sitting beside him was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes upon. “A dragon?” Rarity observed, “You’re married to a dragon? How utterly...progressive...and what is your name, darling?” “Uh...Spike...” Spike barely managed to say, “I’m Twilight’s husband. And...what’s your mane...I mean, name?” “Rarity, dear. Charmed, simply charmed.” she answered, politely shaking Spike’s claws, “Spike, is it? Little Spikey-wikey. How cute.” “Why don’t you open the wine?” Twilight suggested somewhat threateningly, levitating a corkscrew from the kitchen drawer, uncomfortably close to Rarity’s eye. Twilight was flabbergasted that Rarity not only would invite herself to someone else’s house, but also give a pet name to another mare’s husband, especially one whom she had just met. Spike, on the other hand, was intoxicated, and he hadn’t even started drinking yet. He looked deep into the white unicorn’s sparkling blue eyes and unsuccessfully tried to keep his thoughts focused on Twilight. Rarity went ahead and poured six glasses of wine, one of each flavor, and set two at each spot. She and Twilight levitated their glasses in front of them as Spike grasped the stem with his claws. They started drinking as Spike unconsciously continued to stare at Rarity. Twilight’s jealousy waned when she realized that Rarity was barely paying attention to Spike and was instead peering dreamily into her eyes. “So is it true what you said before, about sharks being territorial?” Twilight asked, trying to change the subject. “That’s the going theory at any rate.” Rarity answered, “But if you’re still betting on that sea serpent, I say we go down to the wharf and cut it open.” “I don’t want to see a half-digested little filly any more than the mayor does.” Twilight admitted. “Well, if I’m right then you won’t, darling.” Rarity assured her, “But then that would also mean you still have a shark problem.” “Wait, Twilight, are you allowed to do that?” Spike wondered, “I mean, just cut that serpent open?” “I can do whatever I want, Spike.” Twilight asserted, “I’m the chief of police.” “Then let’s go.” Rarity decided, trotting toward the door and beckoning with her hoof. It was pitch black outside by the time the two mares reached the wharf. The only light that shone were a few moonbeams overhead and the flickering bulbs attached to the overhead beams of the wharf. The dead baby sea serpent was sprawled on the floor, chained to the docked boat that caught it, the hook still clenching its jaws shut. Rarity produced a large machete from her satchel, letting it float in front of her. She casually cut a deep incision in the serpent’s belly through telekinesis and then pried its ribcage open with a large burst of magic. “You’re good at that.” Twilight commented. “At what, darling?” Rarity remarked, “Performing a half-flanked autopsy on a fish? You know, as a filly I always wanted to be a fashion designer.” “What happened?” Twilight wondered aloud. “I’m glad you asked.” Rarity continued as her horn made serpents guts float onto the floor, “At one point in my childhood my parents lived next to a beach not unlike this one So one morning I get the bright idea to go boating by myself. Just a little inboard rowboat, nothing special. So a baby sea serpent...not unlike this one....swims out of nowhere and turns my inboard into an outboard. I expect most little fillies would be traumatized but I’ve been in love with the sea ever since.” At this point, Rarity had subconsciously emptied the entire contents of the serpent’s stomach. “Now let’s see here.” she examined, “A license plate, half of a tire, some small fishbones....is that a Lady Rara lunchbox? That’s about it, no half-a-Tiara girl here.” “So there’s still a shark out there.” Twilight concluded, “What do we do now?” “I say we go for a little night swim.” Rarity suggested, “What do you think?” “I’ve got to call the Coast Guard.” Twilight murmured, “Close the beaches.” “I’m serious, darling.” Rarity continued, “Don’t you have a patrol boat or something?” “Yes, it’s docked here somewhere.” Twilight answered, “Sweet Celestia, that thing reeks.” Twilight placed her hoof over her muzzle and almost vomited as the stench of the serpent’s insides caught up with her nostrils. Rarity breathed deeply just to show how much she had become used to the smell of fish. “Just let me go fetch my scuba gear.” she added. Before Twilight had realized what Rarity had talked her into, she had cranked up the motor of the SSPD patrol boat and was sailing out of the wharf. Rarity had retrieved her two diving suits and oxygen tanks from her supply carriage and was organizing the equipment neatly on the boat deck. Twilight was helping herself to the rest of Rarity’s wine and trying to steer the boat at the same time. “The crime in Manehattan makes changeling-country seem peaceful.” she drunkenly ranted, “Can’t even let your kids go outside, gotta walk ‘em to school...you don’t feel like you’re getting anything done. But here, in Sunset Shores, one mare can make a difference!” Twilight accidently slammed her hoof down on the control panel throttle and the boat’s propeller kicked up to full speed ahead. “Sweet Princess Luna!!” Rarity shouted, “Slow it down!!” Twilight brought the boat back down to speed with her horn and blushed sheepishly. “Oops, sorry.” she muttered. “It’s perfectly alright dear.” Rarity said, “Here, put this gear on, we’ll take turns. You go first.” “Are you out of your mind?!” Twilight shouted, “We’ll be killed! Besides, you’re the oceanographer.” “And you’re the chief of police.” Rarity reminded her, “Somepony has to steer the boat and you need to sober up, little miss booze mule.” “I hope there aren’t any mules or changelings around to hear us talking like this.” Twilight slurred. “If there are, then there’s some beachfront property I want to sell them.” Rarity said, continuing to dig the hole deeper. Rarity helped Twilight into her scuba suit and turned on her oxygen tank. Twilight practically slipped off the deck and splashed into the water. “Remember darling!” Rarity called out, “We’re looking for any signs of shark activity, half-eaten pieces of junk, half-eaten fillies, and half-flanked ideas for small businesses, got it?!” Twilight raised a hoof in response and produced some magic light from her horn so she could see underwater. The purple mare dove down into the abyss, not really looking for anything. She began to feel as if she were in a dream, the alcohol making her light-headed, and the ethereal sound of the water around her. She dove deeper and deeper but the only thing she could see was the sand and silt of the ocean floor. We’re not going to find anything. she pondered, The shark’s probably long gone by now. They can’t all be territorial. Twilight comforted herself with this thought and fell back into a dream-like stupor. She drowsily noticed small bits of moss float by her and saw that they looked artificial. Artificial moss? No, that’s just bits of vinyl. Not that Vinyl. The vinyl from an inflatable raft... Twilight managed to gurgle a scream through her oxygen mask as she was eye to dangling eyeball with a half-eaten filly skeleton, strips of flesh and pink fur strewn around a small ribcage, the side of a jawbone hanging open in silent terror. Twilight bucked furiously at what was left of Diamond Tiara and smacked the filly’s remains away with her flippers. Diamond’s corpse floated away but then started to come back up as her eyeball caught Twilight’s horn light and stared jealously at the still-living mare. The gruesome sight sobered Twilight up more than any glass of pickle juice ever as she frantically swam back to the surface. Rarity shrieked when Twilight’s head burst through the water and she climbed back onto the deck. “Darling, you startled me!” Rarity panicked. “I startled you?!” Twilight yelled, ripping off her oxygen mask with her hoof, “I was just nose-to-nose with that Tiara girl, or what in Celestia’s name was left of her! Let’s get the hay out of here!!”