Twilight Sparkle was lying in her bed, snuggled up nice and warm, and dreaming of reading one of her favourite books. She had no idea what it said or what it was about but whatever it was it had her enthralled. She sat in her old spot in the middle of the old Ponyville Library, eagerly poring over each and every jumbled letter.
As she turned the page the edge caught her muzzle and tickled it ever so slightly. She sniffed and scratched it with a hoof, then turned the next page to continue reading. Again her nose tickled, and again she scratched it. Then a tiny white Pegasus with a yellow mane swooped in. It said something Twilight couldn’t understand, landed on her face, and began swatting her with its wings. This greatly perturbed Twilight, as she could no longer read her—what was it again?
Twilight’s eyes fluttered open for a split second. She caught glimpse of something purple in the edge of her vision, but deemed it too unimportant to disturb her royal slumber.
She turned over and tried to go back to sleep, trying her best to remember what that darned book was about, Was it a field manual on cabbages? No, that would be— She yawned, Silly... Twilight started to snore again.
The Pegasus was still there, only now Twilight knew her name was Surprise, which was rather fitting for how— suddenly, something light and feathery flicked across Twilight’s nose disturbing her. She sniffled and turned over in her sleep. The object moved, and its end caught in her nostril triggering a resounding sneeze that thoroughly shook the princess, and possibly even the rest of Ponyville, awake.
Now, Twilight Sparkle was fully awake. Her eyes uncrossed and came to focus on something purple and feathered protruding from the end of her snout. As she watched, it gave a weak flap and smacked her in the face.
“AHHHH!” Twilight screamed and fell out of bed, “Spike!” The covers followed suit and soon she was in the midst of a battle of wits between herself and the bedspread. Unfortunately, the bedspread was winning, “Spike, help!”
Spike came running into the room and rushed to help Twilight, “Hold on Twilight, I’ve got it!” He grabbed the corners of the sheets and began to pull.
“Ah! No!” The sheets tugged painfully at Twilight’s wings causing her to flail around all the harder, “Spike, stop! You’re going to pluck me!”
“Sorry! Sorry!” Spike gulped and jumped away from the heap, “What do I do?”
“Stand back!” Spike stepped back to a safe distance and watched as the thrashing under the sheets stopped. There was a flash of magic and Twilight Sparkle appeared next to the mound, free of its deadly embrace.
“Twilight, what’s going on?” He jumped to her side, “Is it Tirek? Discord?” Spike gasped as a new idea took hold, “Has Discord betrayed us and now we have to complete a gruelling series of challenges in order to escape the castle alive and find our friends before something terrible happens!?” Spike was almost screaming at this point. He grabbed Twilight by the withers and hugged her tight.
~ ~ ~
Meanwhile, somewhere very far away and far outside of our Princess’ hearing, a Draconequus snorted and picked up his notepad.
~ ~ ~
Twilight shook her head and patted Spike on the head, “No, no, and,” she raised an eyebrow, “...what?”
Spike blushed and averted his eyes, “... I might have written a fanfic or two.”
“...” Twilight wasn’t sure how to respond to this. Rather deciding to ignore it, she continued to the matter at hoof, “Look!” She pointed frantically to the odd growth on her face.
Spike squinted, and looked closely at Twilight’s muzzle. She leaned down closer for him to see and Spike squinted even more, “Pfff—” he slapped a hand over his mouth.
Right there, just above the right nostril, sat a cute little purple appendage usually reserved to ones back, a tiny little wing poking out and hanging in front of Twilight’s frowning mouth, “Pff—” Spike couldn’t take it any longer. After a long enough while of holding it in, he finally cracked, “Ha- hahaha!” He toppled over clutching at his sides.
Twilight scrunched her nose, “... it’s not funny,” she pouted.
“I- It’s t- ha- totally hilarious, Twilight!” Spike could barely breathe, “You h-have a tiny wing. On your- on your—” He was doubled over by another fit of laughter.
Twilight wasn’t amused. She lit her horn and bid the bedroom doors open and levitated the still giddy dragon onto her back.
She gave him a glare that stopped Spike’s laughs in its tracks, “Heh,” Spike coughed, “Sorry,” and blushed under her glare.
“Now that you’re done,” Twilight scolded, “We can focus on finding a cure for this.”
“Right, anything you say, Twilight,” Spike covered his mouth to hide the snickers as the two set off for the library.
~ ~ ~
“I still don’t see what the big deal is. It’s a wing. So what? I think it’s cute.” Spike was teetering precariously at the top of a ladder with several books, some balanced in a stack on the tip of his tail, and three more in his right claw. He was reaching out with his left to try and grab a large purple book from the top shelf.
Twilight Sparkle was sat at her desk in the middle of the castle library, her nose stuck into the latest of a long line of tomes—several of which stacked high around her—“Think about it,” she spoke up, not tearing her eyes away from the dusty old paper. Her horn glowed and the book turned a page, and she jumped right to skimming the next line of words, “What if it doesn’t stop at only one?” The page turned again, a slight crease forming across Twilight’s head, “What if it gets bigger, or starts spreading?” Twilight gasped, her eyes growing wide. She tore herself away from the page to speak to nopony in particular, “What if it’s contagious and I—Ah—“
Twilight’s sudden inhale followed by an abrupt silence, peeked Spike’s interest. Wobbling slightly on his perch, he tilted an ear back to Twilight, “What if you what?” Spike asked over his shoulder. He was almost to his objective, his claws extended all the way, inches from gripping the purple book before him.
“AH” Twilight inhaled sharply again, leaning backwards in her seat. Spike was getting worried.
“Um, Twilight?” He turned around to see what Twilight was doing and was just beginning to climb down from his ladder when—
ACHOOO
Twilight sneezed, knocking all the books off her desk and almost giving Spike a heart attack. He dropped all his books and wobbled on the top of his ladder for a moment, holding his breath and praying he wouldn’t fall. Then, just when it was looking like he was beginning to regain his balance, Twilight sneezed again and he too came crashing down.
“Uh...” Spike groaned. He was dazed, but luckily the books had broken his fall, “Bless you?”
“Thanks,” Twilight sniffled and wiped her nose with a fetlock, then levitated the stack of books back onto her desk, “That’s another point. This thing keeps making me-” Achoo Her body was shook by another sneeze and the books went tumbling back to the ground.
“Sneeze?” Spike completed her sentence for her as he tried to roll off of the pile of books.
Twilight simply nodded, “Yeah, that.”
“Well,” finally getting back to his feet, Spike waddled away from the shelf and back into the main area of the library, “Maybe you should, you know,” he shrugged, “Go see Princess Celestia.”
“Go see—” Twilight was taken aback, hiding her gasp with her hooves. “No!” She shouted in protest, making the wing in front of her face flutter on the back of her words, “I can’t show her this!” Twilight motioned with a hoof around her face, “What would she think of me? I’d be a laughing stock!”
“No,” She huffed, resolute, “Nopony can see me whilst I’m like this. I have to fix this myself.”
“Well,” Spike’s brow furrowed as he searched for another option. At length, he spoke, “Why don’t you go to the doctor then?”
“The doctor?”
Twilight looked up in time to see Spike run over to her desk. He went about picking up the books she had blown away and set them back beside her on the desk, “Yeah, I mean, he’s supposed to know about this stuff, shouldn’t he?”
“Yeah, bu—”
“And you should get a professional opinion on whatever this is before you go doing something rash, right?”
“Hm,” Twilight thought on this for a moment. She did have a history of jumping to conclusions.
“Um,” Spike coughed, breaking the momentary lapse in silence, “Is that a bad idea?”
“Oh, yes,” Twilight blinked, and nodded enthusiastically, “That’s a great idea, Spike!” She patted him on the head, “That is the responsible thing to do,” Spike was really starting to mature. Twilight made a mental note to reward him with something nice, maybe a couple sapphires or rubies from Rarity’s boutique. But that would have to wait. She got up and headed for the exit, “I’ll go see Dr. Horse. I’ll be back in about an hour.”
Twilight waved goodbye. There was a quick, “And thanks, Spike!” followed shortly after by the sound of the library doors slamming shut.
Spike, left all alone, glanced around at the piles of books strewn around the empty library. “... I’ll just stay here and organise the books then,” he grumbled to himself.
“Sounds like a plan!” Twilight’s voice echoed back, followed by a dustpan and broom appearing above Spike in a flash, and then the sound of the library doors slamming shut again.
Spike had only a moment to think before he had to catch the dustpan and broom. The broom was easily caught, but the dustpan was not so much. It bounced off Spike’s head and clattered to the floor behind him. Spike fumed, “I was being sarcastic!” He shouted back, but when no answer came; Spike settled to his chore and began sweeping, I can’t believe I gave up being the Dragon Lord for... this.
~ ~ ~
Twilight crossed the foyer and was about to push the front door open when something suddenly occurred to her. She paused and glanced at her reflection in the crystal walls of the castle, noting the tiny wing hanging loosely in front of her face. She could have sworn it had grown, but Twilight discarded that idea as preposterous. She had to admit, it did look ridiculous.
“I can’t possibly show my face out there like this,” as if just to unnerve her, the tiny wing gave a weak flap. It slapped her in the face and then hang limp again. It swung in front of her nose in the breeze, tickling it and almost making her sneeze, almost. This time Twilight was prepared. To keep from shaking the castle foundations she used her— previously criticised as useless by her Undergrad lecturer— sneeze stopping spell. Hah, take that, Professor Peachy Bottom.
She poked her nose with a hoof, “I need some way to hide this,” and turned the wing over in her magic, “I’m going to need a disguise...”
~ ~ ~
SLAM
The room rattled as the front door slammed open. A bell rung somewhere above the entrance and everypony in the room, consisting of roughly five stallions, two mares, and a pink angst-ridden teen thick with piercings everywhere but on her ears, looked up to find a purple mare that was obviously not Princess Twilight Sparkle in a fake brown moustache, a very dashing-looking fake brown moustache one might add.
The moustachioed – Not— Princess Twilight Sparkle stood in the entrance breathing heavily, “I need—” She gasped, “To see— the doctor. It’s an emergency!”
“The doctor is very busy,” a monotone voice answered back. A white mare, the secretary, was currently lounging in her office chair behind the front desk with a magazine in her hoof. She turned a page as she spoke, “Please take a number and wait in line. You will be serviced shortly.” She seemed to be reciting a script, not even bothering to correct her grammar, as she lazily flicked her right hoof towards a ticket roll mounted on the corner of her desk.
“Oh,” Twilight’s ears drooped. She felt her cheeks burning behind the moustache and made an attempt to hide her embarrassment in her mane as she crossed the room to retrieve a ticket.
A pink slip pulled off the dispenser and levitated over to Twilight’s waiting hoof. She then dimmed her horn and turned to take a seat next to the angst-ridden teen.
As Twilight passed the desk, the secretary took a moment to glance up, “Princess Twilight!” She jumped to her hooves, tossing the magazine aside and knocking her seat over in the process, “I’m so sorry; please, go right ahead!” She motioned to the Doctor’s door, “Royalty always has an appointment here!”
Twilight was now the centre of attention for several irritated glares around the room, one in particularly was exceptionally sharp: the mother of the teen, “Oh, no, I don’t mean to intrude—” Twilight tried to wave it off but was stopped by the secretary running to her side and grabbing her by the hoof.
“I insist!” She was already practically shoving Twilight past the desk. Twilight glanced back over her shoulder and, spying the disapproving glares of the other patients, mouthed a silent I’m sorry before being shoved through and into the doctor’s office.
~ ~ ~
Letting the door close silently behind her, Twilight stepped further into the examining room, “Doctor? I need your help,” Twilight began, “I have this thing on my face an-”
“Hey, Twilight!” Instead of the usual doctor, Dr Horse, Twilight was taken aback to find Pinkie Pie sitting behind his desk, with a white lab coat and stethoscope. She jumped up from where she was sitting and rounded his table to greet the mare, “How can I- Oh my gosh!” Pinkie gasped mid sentence. Her mouth dropped agape as she beheld Twilight, “... that moustache is fabulous!”
“What?” Twilight frowned and squinted to look at her snout. Realising she was still wearing the fake moustache, she shook it off, and tossed the dashing piece of facial hair to the side where it would likely come to rest somewhere on the floor, “No, Pinkie, what’s going on? Where is Dr Horse?”
“Oh, he’s not feeling well, so I’m filling in for him for the day.”
“But-“
“So what’s the problem?” Pinkie was completely serious, or as serious as Pinkie Pie can be, as she pulled out her stethoscope, set the earpieces in her ears and began inspecting Twilight. “Hm...” She listened to her heart, then moved the stethoscope and listened again. “Hm...hm.”
“Pinkie, it’s-”
“No, no, don’t tell me,” she moved the stethoscope again and mumbled something unintelligible to herself. Finally, settling on a spot at the side of Twilight’s head, “Hmm...” Pinkie nodded to herself and sat back, returning the stethoscope to its home hanging around her neck. “Yup, you appear to have a pair of wings on your face.”
Twilight facehoofed, “I know that, I want to know how t—” She stopped and glared at the grinning mare, “Did you say a pair of wings?”
“Eeyup,” Pinkie nodded, “Rather nice ones too.”
“But there was only one when I left home this morning!” She grabbed Pinkie by the withers and shook her, eliciting a kind of jingling sound from the mare.
Twilight could feel herself hyperventilating already. She let Pinkie go and trotted to the examining table, leaning against it for support. She clasped a hoof to her chest and began doing her breathing exercises, “Well...” Pinkie tapped her chin with a tongue depressor, “Have you done anything ‘wing related’ lately?”
Twilight took one look at Pinkie, and not without stopping her breathing exercises—or rather they became even more intense— she spread her wings, the ones on her back, and pointed wordlessly.
“...Right”
“So are you going to get rid of them or what?” At this point Twilight’s patience was beginning to wear thin.
“Oh, I don’t know about that, Twi. Maybe if you sent a letter to Princess Celestia she could...” Pinkie twirled a hoof in the air, “Take them back?”
“What?” There was a beat of silence as she stared at Pinkie in confusion.
Then, realising what Pinkie meant, Twilight facehoofed again and shook her head, “No! Not those!” She pointed to the wings on her muzzle, “These”
“Oh!” Pinkie Pie rushed over to Dr Horse’s desk and pulled open the top drawer, “Well, technically, I’m not allowed to do amputations,” she dug around for a moment and turned around with a large hacksaw and drill, “... ever since that spaghetti incident in college but, if you’re giving me permission, I can...”
~ ~ ~
Spike was standing in the kitchen, wearing a chef’s hat and apron that read ‘Kiss the Dragon’ whilst he attended to his bowl of mixing ingredients. There was a recipe book leaning against the wall to which he made frequent reference. Owluicious watched silently from one of the shelves as Spike dumped a mixed bag of gems into the bowl. He then glanced to the recipe book and, following the directions, added five more rubies to the mix.
There was the sound of a door slamming from the foyer and Twilight’s voice called out, “Spike? Are you here?”
“Twilight!” Spike shouted excitedly, and jumped down from the stool and ran out to meet her, “You’re back!”
Spike came waddling out from the kitchen. He stopped in front of the princess and looked up to her hopefully, “So how did it go?”
“Terrible,” Was all she could say, and the dragon’s face dropped, “Apparently, Dr Horse is off sick, and I got Pinkie Pie instead.”
Spike scratched his head, “Wait, Pinkie’s a doctor?”
“Apparently, though I’d question the integrity of any institution that would even consider granting one to her.” Twilight peeled the moustache off her face and levitated it down to the dragon, “Here’s your moustache back.”
“Eduardo!” Spike was ecstatic as he grabbed the moustache – “thanks, I was wondering where this went!”— And stuck it to his upper lip. He looked up to Twilight, twirling the one end with a claw and bobbing his eyebrows in his best attempt at a Casanova interpretation, “So, how do I look?”
Twilight facehoofed— something that she seemed to be doing an awful lot of lately. “Don’t do that, Spike.”
“Sorry,” Spike apologised and removed the moustache, and stuck it into a side pocket on his apron, “So what now?”
“I’m going back to the library. I think there was a bunch of medical books I missed in the back.” Twilight trotted past and headed for the back. Spike watched with a look of concern as she trotted to the back passage, opened the nearest door on her left, and stepped through it.
“Uh... Broom closet!” Spike shouted after.
Moments later, Twilight stumbled back out to the loud clanging of a bucket and mop. “Sorry, sorry! I totally meant to do that!” and grabbed a bucket in her telekinesis, “I, uh, might need this!” Twilight’s grin spread unusually wide as she closed the door and took the bucket with her through another door on the right.
“... right,” Spike rolled his eyes.