//------------------------------//
// Bullet #1: A Talking Horse? Really? 
// Story: RVB & MLP 
// by Kendall04082 
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Church's POV

"Ugh, my head........" Woah, what happened? Aren't I supposed to be destroyed and crap? And how am I even talking? Oh, God........I'm not really destroyed, am I? HA, I knew it! I'm not really dead after all! Eat that s**t, Superman! Look who's invincible now! Ahem, sorry. Got excited there for a moment. Let's continue. "What....what happened?" I asked myself as I gathered my remaining strength to get up from laying on the grass. My hands helped push my body upward to stand while my legs were only making themselves freaking sore."Where am I?" As I regained my balance, my brain attempted to process what the f**k happened in these few moments, and my head only gave me a minor migraine. Nothing too serious, but still hurts, you know? I then tried to rub my temples to ease my thoughts, but then felt something, well actually, TWO things. Number one was a glass-like substance, and number two was whatever my armor was made of. Which reminds me. "Wait, what am I doing in my old body? And how come I don't look like an A.I. anymore?' I asked, even more, questions to myself in my head, but all they did was give me more reasons to just shoot myself in the head if I can properly aim in which case, I probably can't. 

"Okay, ease yourself, Church. Either this is a dream or I've died in Heaven. Well, either way, this is just f**king perfect." Speaking of Heaven, I quickly noticed that I was in some sort of woodland forest and slowly examined my surroundings. If Delta were here, he would have no trouble checking it out and confirming what it was. Luckily, evolution gave us humans brains to think, so I checked every corner and angle of this place, giving my previous theory the green light. "Okay, I'm just gonna recap everything that's happened. I was supposed to be destroyed and fragmented, but instead, I landed in this forest in my old body, don't have any weapons, also don't have my fragments or my teammates, and my back is SERIOUSLY trying to kill me!" Saying this out loud, I placed my hands on my back and pushed my spine which hurt like getting a bullet to the head. Good thing I've had experience with these kinds of things before, like I wouldn't have anyway. I stopped when I heard a cracking noise that I thought was my backbone, "Huh, what the?", but quickly figured out that it was something else behind me and hastily turned my back. 

Great, just GREAT. Maybe one of our enemies teleported me to this area, just so that he could ambush me for later! My first clue was the rustling bush that's only a few feet away from me. I wonder who else would've guessed that? "Hey, who's there!?" I already knew I didn't have a weapon of any f**king kind, so I looked around for any item I could use and spotted a medium sized branch. I know, I know, it's not the most efficient tool for offense, but hey, when you're in a forest that you have no memory of waking up in, you might as Hell choose anything to use! "Hey, you better come out here right now, or I'll come over there and......." I grabbed the stick without wasting any time and pointed the stick towards the shrub. ".....use this branch on you! Don't think I'm too afraid to use it!" Why would I be scared to use it? It's a freaking stick. I was expecting for a powerful foe to appear, but instead, all that came out was just a little white bunny rabbit. Well, this situation just got a whole lot more anticlimactic. My eyes looked down at its small size and also observed its body structure. Weirdly, this rabbit seemed to be standing on two feet like humans do. Not the oddest thing I've ever seen, but this is definitely going in my "Top 20 Weirdest Things I've Seen In My Whole F**cking Life". 

"Oh, thank God, it's not Felix! " I felt like this bunny could do no possible harm to me, except giving me a heart attack if it makes a really cute face, so I threw the stick away and tried to approach it slowly. "Hey, little fella...." Before I could, however, it gave me the stop hand sign, or in this case, the stop PAW sign? I dunno. I guess it didn't necessarily trust me at the moment. I couldn't blame 'em. If a stranger walks up to me slowly, I would just straight up shoot him if nobody ever F**CKS UP THE SIGHTS ON MY SNIPER RIFLE! Sorry, got a little enraged there. Next, it crossed its little arms and put on a face that said "You better not come any closer, bub", so I did the only safe thing I had in mind and backed up a little to create some comfortable distance between us. And this is why I'm not such a big fan of bunnies. 

"Angel, Angel! Where did you go?!"

All of the sudden, I could hear someone calling out a name which was probably the rabbit in front of me. It was feminine, so I could tell it was a girl. And Angel? Yeah, right! Some "angel" this bunny is! "Huh?" My instincts told me to be wary by this. If it's hostile, then I'll know what to do. Actually, now that I've said it out loud, I'll don't know what to do. And this is when I really f**king want Caboose to be my meat shield slash idiotic bodyguard. Oh, I should have those when I get back! But, you know, smarter ones. Another rustle came from the same bush and I was prepared for anything, but rather than a scary animal or carnivore that wants to literally eat my heart out, out came a yellow horse. Okay, seriously? It's like God or Satan is trying to mess with my head. Well, since its presence has been detected, I guess I should showcase the details. Its body was fully covered in yellow fur ( I thought horses didn't have fur on their bodies ), even her......wait, what's the word for a horse's ass? Haunches? Flank? Yeah, let's go flank! Anyway, it had such a long pink mane, a long tail also, wings on its back, an image of what looked like three cyan butterflies on the side of her ass- I mean flank, dammit! Walking through the bush, it spotted the rabbit and rushed to it to check up on it. I suppose that's its owner. 

"Oh, thank goodness, Angel! I finally found you!" It said with the same feminine voice from before in a worried tone. If I had a pet, I would've felt the same. Fortunately, I don't. "You know that running off into the Everfree Forest is very dangerous!" She knelt to its size and scolded it, at least, that's what it seemed like. Man, why is her voice so f**king low? Does she have a problem with her vocal chords or something? "And for that, you are gr-" But, she paused in the middle of her sentence to see my shadow towering over here and looked at me with her jaw opened from sudden jolt. When she saw me, I didn't know what to do which I was even confused by. Normally, I would've just pointed my gun at my enemies and try to scare them, but with a small yellow horse in front of me, I just.....froze. Like I couldn't decide to either threaten her or be nice to her. What do I do?

'Okay, think, Church! Think! What would Tucker normally do when he meets strange women? Okay, scratch that idea. That sounded f**king horrible. Ooh, I know!' Testing my plan out, I gathered the words in my head and readied my lips to say: "Uh,...'sup, girl?" And just like that, she predictably gasped deeply and lost consciousness with a quiet thud. Well, that plan went as well as crap. "Huh, I was actually expecting her to do that." A low growl was heard and, of course, it had to be the bunny who clearly didn't like my joke. "Oh, come on! You had to see that coming!" I mean, she had a low voice! It should be obvious she would be shy and timid enough to faint that easy! Dirtbag. Pushing that aside, I noticed that bunny was pointing its finger to the northeast, indicating that's the way out of this place. "What? Is that the way out?" The bunny nodded with seriousness. Man, this guy's got some anger issues. Maybe it should go to a vet or something. "Well then, what the hell are we waiting for? Let's get outta here already." However, I could notice its face told me there was a catch and, apparently, it pointed to the horse which I sighed with irritant of all things considered. "Fine! I guess I deserve it."

I used my arms to scoop her up in a similar way of how people hold cats when they're asleep and I gotta say, she's lighter than I imagined. Well, I guess that's how cartoons work since everything else looks the property of one. "Alright, I got her. Can we go now, please?" Ignoring my statement, the little son of a b***h started hopping towards the previously pointed out direction and I followed it while trying not to drop this thing out of my grasp. 'Dips**t.' God, I don't know why, but holding this horse girl in my arms is honestly relaxing for some reason. Is this what people feel when they hold cute animals? I called her cute, didn't I? God,.....f**k.....ME.





Well, it might have taken forever to reach the exit, but we eventually did. Next, the bunny had me go into this horse's house which I had to be honest, looked like a freaking petting zoo, only more cramped. I didn't have much time to explore the interior, though when that rabbit ordered me to lay the girl horse onto the green couch and let her be for a while. I swear, if this rabbit forces me to do ONE more thing, I will cut him! I was a little tired from walking, so I chose to take a seat on the second couch, but apparently, that small and furry asshole wouldn't even allow me to sit there, so after muttering out some "mature" words, I decided to sit on the floor with my legs stretched out instead. I would've stabbed that rabbit in the chest with something sharp right about now, but since there's a real LAW that forbids killing adopted animals, I had no power to do that whatsoever.

Suddenly, just as my eyes were gonna give in to my own exhaustion, my ears could hear some movement on the couch. I quickly forced them open and could notice the horse's body moving. 'Oh, thank merciful God, she's awake!' I got myself up and approached the horse thing cautiously and because I didn't want that bunny to interfere, I only stood there for a couple of seconds before its eyes opened themselves. Now, all that's left to do was to see if this pony will faint again or scream and keep hitting me with a frying pan non-stop. Don't worry, I've dealt with the second choice a LOT before all of this, so I think the frying pan is my best option. 

"Oh, my. What in Equestria happened?" Her head turned left and right to find out what she had got into, and as I expected, the first thing she noticed in front of her was a full light blue armored body of a human badass. Then, her eyes raised to my head when I devised a plan to make her trust me more. "Oh,.....my......" I recognized that her voice had gone more quiet and fearful than before and cuddled her body for safety from me. Damn that is adorable! Okay, pull yourself together, Church! Just show her that you mean no absolute harm. Hopefully.

"Hey, are you awake?" I started off easy with a question and even if her face said that she was still afraid of me, I could tell that she was already starting to trust me a bit. My brain then processed another sentence to speak after I saw her using her flank ( Yes, finally got it right! ) to back away to the back part slowly. Then, I tried this; "H-Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you." Let's hope it works.

"Oh, r-really? Well, i-if....i-if you say so...."

Holy s**t! That actually worked!

I'm glad it worked because I could see her scooch a bit to the front. The ground was practically shaking from her trembling and she was still a bit unsure on what to do next. I sighed with slight impatience, but remained calm and thought of another plan. When you're a leader of a team and you need to think of a plan really fast, you'll start to get millions of ideas into your head and some of them are REALLY inappropriate. I hope and bet that Sarge also gets into these things, but we all know that he would only pick the ones that involve Grif getting killed or getting all of us killed, actually. Since he's not around, this time, I think it's safe to say that he is the least sane one of us all. Whew, felt so good to get that off my chest! Anywho, my brain finally hatched an idea, but I wasn't sure if this would make the pony more comfortable with me. Ah, screw it! Let's just do it already! I extended my pale blue hand and reached for her right ear, but it was difficult with her body rattling a rattlesnake's tail. I turned to the rabbit who seemed ready to pounce on me if I do anything that I'll regret, so I'll have to do this swiftly. When I managed to get my hand behind her, I was a little taken back when she stopped quivering and that gave me a chance to start scratching behind her ear. At first, her pupils went as small as Hell, but then her eyelids closed back up not from fear, but from thought-to-be pleasure and her left leg started thumping really f**king fast. But, that's not all 'cause she produced a purring noise too that I didn't know she could manage.

If I had to be honest, I was enjoying this just as much as she was. I was even able to ignore the rabbit's death glare, though the chilling sensation in my spine was hard to control. It was like petting a house cat if that house cat had yellow fur and a freaking pink head of hair. I suddenly realized that this had to end and pulled away my hand from the horse's furry ear. Too bad I had to end it, but that's not important right about now. But, what was the most difficult thing to do was to resist that damn cute smile of hers- why do I keep calling her f**king cute!? What is wrong with me!? *Sigh* I'll just move on.

"So, we're cool?"
"Well, I suppose so."
"Good. By the way, my name's Leonard Church, but you can just call me Church if you want."
"Oh, hello there, Church. I'm....uh......Fluttershy." You know, I am really starting to get a little tired at this horse's soft voice, but I just went along and acted like I really heard that.
"So,......Fluttershy, was it?" She gave me an approving nod before I continued. "Why did that little ass- I mean, 'sweet little bunny' ran into the forest and you chased after him?" I was primarily hoping for an answer with her calling that little rabbit more names that I don't recognize, other than the ones I've used recently. But, all I got was this:
"Oh, right! Well, you see, Mr. Church," Huh, Mr. Church? I like it. Makes me feel powerful and superior, except I already am superior, just not powerful. "as I was feeding some of my animal friends earlier, Angel heard something in the Everfree Forest and decided to investigate."

"Oh, really? What did it sound like?"
"Um, I couldn't really make it out, but it sounded like either an explosion or a something crashing into the ground." I think I might choose both 'cause I've heard plenty of those noises before. "Anyway, after restlessly searching, I finally found Angel and that's when I also found you......oh, and I probably passed out too, didn't I?"
"Yep seemed like it." I'm feeling very great that we're already starting to trust each other so quickly, but that might not last for so long. From what I've been through, I've got insulted, injured, blown up, dumped, ignored, and let's not forget the most common one, team-killed by my own so-called friends, mostly Caboose on the team-killing. Sometimes, I even wonder why I was paired up with these idiotic pieces of crap in the first goddamn place. "Next time, can you promise me that you WON'T go after this guy when he runs off? He seems pretty tough on his own already."
"Oh, I could never do that! Not when the Everfree Forest is filled with horrific and blood-thirsty monsters like manticores, timberwolves, cockatrices,......." She paused suddenly, thinking of the other possible creatures that might want to take the life of her dips**t bunny. Admittedly, I felt kinda bad for her watching over all of these animals by herself, but hey, if she can handle it just dandy, then why bother? 

But, she never got to finish when all of the sudden, a rumbling noise was heard. Did the guys find a way to find me? Of course, they didn't, you numbskull! They probably don't even know what happened to me! *Sigh* I just hope nothing bad happens to them....okay, maybe a few of them, but still. I double-checked and as it turns out, it was my stomach, apparently. Seriously, it has been so long since I've felt hunger before and may I say, IT KILLS. LITERALLY. "Hey, uh, Fluttershy? You wouldn't happen to have any grub around here, would you?"
"Dear me, why would ever want to eat such harmless little insect larvae?!" .......She's kidding me, right? She has to be freaking kidding me.
"What? No! I meant do you have some food that I could, you know, eat, you-!?" Me raising my voice did no such good when I heard her lightly whimper from my raised voice. God damn, I am a terrible person...... "Sorry, I.....I went a little nuts there."
"I-It's okay, Church. I understand. You've probably been through a lot lately and got a bit stressed there."
"Wow, she's.....actually being nice to me, even after I yelled at her. Man, I wish other women back home were the same like this." This was actually quite surprising because I've yelled at a lot of people in my days and believe me, there are a few people that I might have regretted telling off to. But, Fluttershy? She was willing to actually understand WHY I yelled at her. Now, all of this narrating is starting to make my stomach a bit more empty, which reminds me. "Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, do you have any chow or not? My stomach's emptying itself like a suction horse sucking up water in a 20-gallon fish tank." Hold on, why do I know that? Also, HAHAHAHAHAHA!! *Relaxing sigh* Suction horse. 

"Oh, actually, I bought some new ingredients for my new stew recipe just yesterday. I can cook it up for the two of us.......if-if that's okay with you." Well, I'm not such a big fan of stew either, but I'll take what I can get.
"Sure, why not? At least, it's better than an empty bowl of air and oxygen." Her giggling from my joke was enough of an answer for her to get up from the couch and walk to the kitchen area with a happy smile. Man, I still don't know why, but my guts say that I'll be starting to like this place a little more than expected. As long as nothing dangerous ( well, MORE dangerous ) appears, I'll be as happy as a brown f**king lark. Hey, it's a common expression! Get with it!

As she neared the kitchen, she stopped and turned around to say, "Oh, and you can help yourself to the couch, if you want, Church." Usually, I would be honored to sit and laze around when someone tells me too, but with that bunny glaring at me like that, I will now object.
"Uh, that's okay, Fluttershy. I think I'm good just standing with my legs."
"Alright, just call me if you need anything." Those were the last words of her sweet mellow voice before she continued trotting ( I think that's the correct word ) into the kitchen. I looked at Angel who was putting on a "You're lucky" face. I normally don't need luck and just wing it, but I bet he does. Right as the winged horse was out of sight, I came closer to the bunny who was obviously cautious when I did and stopped before speaking in a threatening voice you'd hear in a horror film.

"I will stab you, you motherf**king piece of s**ty crap."