//------------------------------// // Ch. 18; The Shadows Of The Past // Story: Star Wars: A Second Chance // by Dorath //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle stood, a forgotten cup of coffee held aloft in her magic, as she focused on the emitter shroud that floated before her. The rest of the components of the disassembled lightsaber lay careful sorted on the side-table in one of the palace's sitting rooms where she had spent most of the last few days as she waited for Revan to wake up. “Twi'? Sugarcube? What are ya doin’ there?” “Meep!” 'I did not just squeak! That was just an expression of surprise!' the unicorn spun around to find her friends and Princess Celestia clustered in the doorway watching her uncertainly, “Nothing! I'm not doing anything! And I certainly wasn't trying to figure out how to adapt the plasma generation and containment systems from Revan's saber into a drive system for extra-atmospheric vessels that could take ponies to the stars!” As the newly arrived ponies scattered to the seats about the room, Rarity made her way over to Twilight and snatched up the coffee mug, the cold, over-brewed sludge within elicited a sniff of distaste from the fashionista, “How much of this … beverage have you had, darling?” “Just four or five ...” Twilight winched as Celestia and her friends exchanged looks and then all raised their eyebrows at her, 'That's actually a little creepy …' “... dozen cups,” she reluctantly amended. Rarity simply shook her head and made her way to a seat, the mug held firmly in her aura as Twilight watched her departing coffee despondently. “Too much caffeine isn't good for you, Twilight,” Celestia admonished her student, “And you should probably reassemble Revan's saber before she arrives.” “Eeep!” Twilight squeaked again, 'That wasn't a squeak either!' turning to the table she quickly began to reassemble the lightsaber while throwing questions over her shoulder, “Revan is awake? She's coming here? I-is she angry with me?” “Yes, yes, and not that I am aware of,” Celestia smiled gently at the agitated unicorn, “Luna and Revan are already on their way from the hospital wing, which is part of why I gathered all of you.” “Ya said us bein’ here ta welcome Revan back was jus’ a part of it ...” Applejack observed, her face serious as the farmpony leveled an inquiring gaze at her ruler. “It has to do with what happened to Revan in the mines, doesn't it?” Fluttershy added, seeing the other ponies’ curious gazes, she bashfully ducked her head, her cheeks coloring slightly, as she explained, “Rainbow likes to talk to me when she's upset, it makes her feel better.” The solar alicorn nodded approvingly to the two mares while Rainbow Dash coughed in embarrassment from her seat, “You are both correct, my little ponies. Revan's … episode in Asphodel appears to be linked to some deeply worrisome issues in her past that she may finally be willing to talk about, but to get through it, she will need her friends by her side.” Celestia sighed as her voice became tinged with concern, “Luna has seen some of what lurks in our Jedi friend's memories, and even if Revan decides to be sparring with the details, I fear what we are going to hear could be quite difficult for some of you ...” “Pshaw,” Rainbow scoffed, “I don't care what heebie jeebies Revan has in her head, we aren't going anywhere, right fillies?” Celestia beamed proudly at the other five Element Bearers as they all nodded in agreement with the brash weatherpony’s declaration. ________________________________________ Luna Astralis, the Blood Moon, Princess of the Night, Warden of Dreams and Marshal of the Guards, strode through the halls of Canterlot Palace, one eye on the twi’lek that slowly trudged alongside her, “Thou should be happy to be seeing thy friends, Revan Vao, instead thou are acting as if thou were on thy way to the headspony.” “It might as well be the execution grounds,” Revan muttered, “There’s no way my relationship with the girls, or with you and Celestia, is going to survive this.” The lunar diarch gave Revan her full attention for a moment, then reached out a wing to slap the dejected twi’lek upside her head, “Enough of that, thou wrong all of thy friends with these doubts and presumptions, we merit better from thou.” “You do deserve better, all of you,” Revan agreed gloomily, “And once I get done explaining just what you’ve taken in, all of you will realize it, too.” Luna sighed in exasperation, ‘As stubborn in her self-contempt as she is in everything else,’ the alicorn’s eyes narrowed as a small smile quirked her muzzle, ‘Thou will see, Revan Vao, the Bearers of Harmony accepted me despite my weakness and the Nightmare’s crimes, and they will not cast thee out either.’ Reaching their destination, Revan preceded the alicorn into the room only to be descended upon by the anxious ponies within as they pelted her with questions. Luna pressed forward, herding the twi'lek through the clustered ponies, who were all trying to talk over each other, and firmly ushering her into an open seat, before the younger princess settled onto a coach of her own and clapped her hooves together, “Gently, mine friends, gently. We will get nowhere if thou are all speaking at once.” As the abashed mares returned to their seats, Celestia frowned as she watched Twilight shoot nervous glances at Revan, “I think we need to deal with this first, Lulu,” she remarked, nodding towards where the purple unicorn was currently trying to hide behind her mane, “Twilight, I believe that you have something you wish to say to Revan?” “Y-yes,” the librarian stammered, “I want to tell you how sorry I am for what happened in Asphodel … for getting captured and dragging you and Rainbow into it … for asking you if you trusted me, and then ambushing you with a sleep spell … for disabling you while the mercenaries were still in a position to turn on us … for everything!” Revan rose from her chair and walked over to slowly, almost hesitantly, put her hand on Twilight’s head, “You getting snatched wasn’t your fault, Twilight, as for putting me down … I can’t say that I’m happy about it, but considering where my head was, your only real options were letting me have the mercs, or fighting me, and either choice could have sent them against you just as easily. But asking me if I trusted you before bushwhacking me was a low ploy,” the twi’lek suddenly gave the nervous unicorn a crooked smile and ruffled her mane, “I didn’t think you had it in you.” Twilight blinked as she tried to decided how she felt about gaining Revan’s approval in such a fashion, while the twi’lek glanced over at the Princesses, “What was the deal with those mercs, anyway?” “It appears that they had been plundering Asphodel’s hidden reserves of orichalcum and mana crystals, as well as mining some live veins, for several years,” Celestia explained, “And they probably would have succeeded in stripping the mine bare if you three hadn’t discovered them.” “They have been most reticent about who hired them,” Luna added, “And their two leaders, Dusk Crown and Thornclaw, have repeatedly insisted that they are solely to blame for their underlings’ actions, as they gave the orders.” The group quietly considered the princesses’ words, “Well, while Ah won’t shed no tears if tha courts decide ta throw tha lot of them sidewinders in tha hoosegow and throw away tha key,” Applejack finally drawled, “Ah can’t say Ah don’t respect their loyalty.” The other Ponyvillians nodded in agreement with the farmpony’s sentiment, then turned their attention back to Revan, who sat with her attention fixed firmly on her clasped hands for a time, before she finally began to speak, “Out there, in the rest of the galaxy, we’ve gotten very good at war. Artillery and Armor, air strikes, even orbital bombardment, we can reduce anything from a single building to the entire city down to ash and rubble in just minutes. Get a big enough fleet together and you can glass-over a planet in less than a day.” The Ponyvillians exchanged glances, confused at what this had to do with Revan’s problems, while the two alicorns frowned as they considered the implications of her words as the twi’lek continued with her tale. “But sometimes you want to hold the ground, or to keep the infrastructure intact for your own use. You want prisoners to interrogate, or just something more surgical than wholesale devastation,” Revan’s lips curled in a small smile, “That’s where me and my lads came in. I’m sure that some of you already know that back during the Comzelar campaign, I was in command of an infantry platoon, ‘GROPOs’ to use the common slang term. It was my first command after I completed my Trials at the Shadow Academy. “The initial conquest took four months, but a whole world provides plenty of space for rebels to hide in. It took the better part of three years before we rooted out most of the insurgents’ strongholds, major cells and primary operatives and finally broke the rebellion’s back. “My platoon spent most of that time in the field; hunting down insurgents in the wilderness, fighting house-to-house in the cities and industrial complexes, or storming rebel strongholds whenever command decided that we couldn’t just level the place. It was a nasty, brutish tour of duty, full of blood, pain and death … and I loved it.” Rainbow frowned at the twi’lek in confusion, “So you like a good scrap, what’s the big deal?” “It isn’t just the fighting, Rainbow, it’s the killing, the preservation of my own life at the cost of another’s. ‘Your turn, not mine.’ ‘I live, you die’,” Revan shook her head as she kept her gaze on the floor, “I’ve been weaning myself off kill-joy since I joined the Jedi, but I only realized how bad I’d gotten because of what nearly happened on Comzelar. And my ‘talent’ only made it worse,” she held up a hand sheathed in red light, before letting it drop back into her lap. “You make lights?” Pinkie asked in bewilderment as she titled her head, “There’s nothing bad about that, silly-billy, unless you can’t turn it off when you want to sleep. Oh, oh, can you do shadow puppets?” “The glow is just a side effect, Pinkie. My talent is called ‘death field’ or ‘dark healing’, depending on who you ask, and that should tell you plenty right there,” the twi’lek glanced up from her study of the floor for a moment, “I can rip the life out of other people, or animals, or even plants, and take it for my own, and I’m very good at it.” “Is that what you used in the mine?” Twilight asked uneasily as she and the other ponies reflexively huddled together and the Princesses watched silently from their seats. “Yes, I didn’t reach out too far during that fight, but as long as there is something to feed on, anyone skilled with dark healing is as hard to kill as a monster out of the old tales or a horror holo.” “‘Didn’t reach out ta far’?” Applejack piped up from where she sat with a foreleg wrapped comfortingly around Fluttershy’s shoulders, “Jus’ how far away can ya affect ponies with this ‘talent’ of yers?” “Single target? About fifty meters. I’ve also blanketed everything within twenty meters around me before,” Revan shook her head, “We’re getting sidetracked. My point is that while I love fighting and I do enjoy killing in battle, using dark healing is something more, stealing someone else’s life for your own is … euphoric, as good as sex … and for me, it’s addictive,” the twi’lek wrapped her arms around herself as she shivered in a mixture of pleasure and revulsion. Luna bit her lip and frowned as she watched her friends and subjects react to Revan’s most recent admission, in particular, Fluttershy’s shrinking into her seat and Pinkie Pie’s deflating mane, :‘Tia I am unsure that all of the Bearers of Harmony should stay for the rest of Revan Vao’s tale ….: :No,: Celestia thought firmly to her sister, :They must all be here if they and Revan are to move past this, besides, Lulu,: the elder diarch continued, her thoughts tinged with pride, :You know that our little ponies are much stronger than they seem.: Revan had resumed speaking during the Princesses' mental discussion, “I honestly don’t know how many people I’ve drunk down, hundreds certainly, maybe thousands, but I used dark healing so often, and so effectively, that during the second year of the campaign, the PsyOps boys decided to use it to break the insurgents' morale and went and christened me ‘SoulTaker’. By the third year, I wasn’t just a platoon commander or a Sith, I was the ‘unkillable’ monster stalking the night for an entire planet. “My lads were good at their work, and with me acting as the platoon’s walking terror weapon, we ripped a swathe through the insurgents, constantly going from one hotspot to the next, chaos, I don’t think we saw three months’ worth of actual downtime the entire war. “And throughout it all, my death-addiction just kept getting worse. Towards the end, I had to actively force myself not to consume allied soldiers or civilians along with the enemy troops I took, even my platoon, my lads, were starting to look like just more meat to feed the hunger gnawing in my guts.” Revan raised her face to meet the eyes of the listening ponies, “And the worst part? I didn’t even realize what was happening, I had to be shown what I was turning into by a group of vagabond troublemakers I knew from back in my mercenary days.” “So, faced with the very real possibility of losing control and turning on some of the only people in the galaxy that I cared about, I went and ran like a miserable little hut'uun, deserting those who relied on me.” The twi’lek gave a tired sigh, “BloodWraith’s hyperdrive burned out during the trip, but spending four months trapped alone in deep space while I limped to a Republic system gave me the time I needed to break the addiction … or so I thought.” “You think that what happened in the mines brought the addiction back,” Fluttershy’s quiet words were a statement rather than a question, “And you’re afraid that you don’t have the strength to fight it this time.” “Four months, Fluttershy, four months with nothing to drain, and I managed to chain my talent enough that I could go out among people again. Five more years of keeping it locked away and trying to break myself from kill-joy and rein in my bloodlust, and Asphodel undid it all,” Revan looked away from her friends, her face hot with shame, “Twilight and Rainbow know, they saw what I turned back into. And the hunger is already pushing at me, urging me to find something, someone, to devour.” “No!” Twilight snapped, her sharp words bringing Revan back to face the gathered ponies, “Yes, you made mistakes and did horrible things, and yes, you let the constant fighting on Comzelar twist you and blind you, but when ponies tried to warn you, you listened! And you acted to protect everypony else, even when it hurt you! But this time you don’t have to face it alone,” the unicorn’s face fell as she continued in a pleading tone, “Why do you always insisting on weathering everything alone when we are here?” “Because you shouldn’t be here, not with the likes of me!” Revan snarled, causing the ponies to recoil in the face of her sudden anger, “I let the eight of you get closer than my lads, get closer than anyone since … and I was too weak to drive you away, and too much of a coward to tell you what you had befriended so that you would drive me off yourselves.” ‘It is this “Maeve” mare that is at the root of Revan Vao’s troubles,’ Luna decided, ‘Until she deals with what happened in those slave pens, she will not be able to come to grips with any of her other problems.’ “Revan Vao, I believe it is time for thou to tell us about Maeve, please.” “‘Maeve’?” the fashionista asked, her perplexity clear in her voice, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that name before, Princess, who is she?” The twi’lek pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms about her legs as she huddled into her chair, “You haven’t heard her name, Rarity, but I have spoken of her, that first night in Canterlot when we were all at dinner ….” “You mean that friend of yours who died?” Rainbow asked, drawing annoyed glares from most of her friends for her tactlessness. Revan didn’t seem to notice the pegasus’ bluntness, “She was more than just a friend, Maeve was my mentor, my big sister … my first love. She kept me sane in the pens after Mom was sold away, and taught me how to throw myself into whatever pleasures I could find in order to help endure the misery that would always come next, Maeve was my world. “And I murdered her.” Celestia’s calm voice broke the stunned silence that followed the twi’lek’s declaration, “Go on, Revan, please.” “The Master, Morg Fass, was a big brute of a houk, and he had it in for me, I never did find out why. Mom used to shield me from the worst of it when I was a youngling, but Fass sold her off when I was nine, after that, I was always his first choice if he wanted someone to beat, or was just looking for someone small and tight to rape. “Mae’ tried to protect me sometimes, and I hated it, I wasn’t some delicate flower that needed to be sheltered, and it always made me sick when she got hurt because of me. I told Mae’ that I could take anything Fass threw at me, as long as I knew she would be waiting for me when it was over, but she kept on interfering between me and Fass. “I was twelve when it finally all came to a head. Fass just started tearing into me one day, I honestly don’t even remember why, but he really worked me over, sprained ankle, broken nose, broken fingers, cracked ribs, concussion, the whole package. Maeve had gotten out of her pen somehow, and she tried to drag Fass off of me, the miserable old bastard wasn’t having any of that, so he kicked me aside and started in on Mae’, beating her even harder than he did me. “So there I was, trying to pull Fass away myself and all the while I’m pleading, begging him to stop as he stomps poor Mae’ into the duracrete. Finally, he tossed Mae’ aside like so much garbage and turned back to me, only I wasn’t scared of him anymore, I was angry. So angry that my guts and mind were burning, so angry I could barely see. But the anger took away my pain, made me stronger, faster, so that when I went for the vibroknife on his belt, Fass wasn’t able to stop me. Once I got my hand on the hilt, I just started hacking, and I didn’t stop until I couldn’t recognize what I was swinging at anymore,” the twi’lek gave an ugly bark that might have been meant to be laughter, “Not that it mattered any, Mae’ was dead, and it was my fault.” The ponies digested Revan’s story for a few moments in silence, then Fluttershy rose from her seat and walked over to Revan, her action stirring the others in the room to join her around the seat where the twi’lek was once again staring down at the floor, “It will be alright, Revan,” she murmured gently, reaching out a wing to comfort her friend. The twi’lek jerked away and glared up at the ponies surrounding her, “Weren’t you listening? I frelled up and Maeve paid for it with her life! I’m a friend-slayer and worse! Why the chaos are you still here, still pretending that you care about filth like me?!” “Don’t you say that!” Fluttershy snapped, her own face flushed with anger, “Don’t you ever say that about yourself again! You’re a good pony!” this time when Fluttershy reached for Revan, the twi’lek wasn’t fast enough to pull away, and the yellow pegasus’ mass slowed her down enough for the other Bearers to join the ponypile, while Celestia and Luna stood at the edge of the little group. “It wasn’t your fault,” Twilight tried to assure the twi’lek from within the mass of ponies that held her down, both to comfort Revan, as well as to keep her from fleeing or attempting something even more ill-conceived in her distraught state. “No! Someone has to be responsible, someone has to be accountable!” Revan’s voice dropped to a near-whisper and thickened with long unshed tears, “Someone has to be to blame ….” ‘I think this is the first time she has ever talked to anypony about what happened in that slave pen, and it has festered inside her all this time,’ Luna closed her eyes for a moment, “Thou are wrong, Revan Vao, sometimes horrible things happen, ponies are hurt or even die, and no one is culpable. Sometimes, there is no one to punish. And in the end, all that thou can do is move on with thy life. Thou know this, as a guardspony, as a Jedi and even as a Sith, but thou have let thy grief and anger blind thee, shackle thou with hatred and contempt that thee do not deserve, especially from thyself …” the lunar alicorn’s words trailed off as she turned to look at the elder diarch, her eyes widening in realization. :At last you understand, Lulu,: Celestia smiled gently at her sister, :Both of you were to stubborn and full of guilt to forgive yourselves, I know of your Tantabus and what service you ask of it, by the way, but each of you could see the mistakes the other was making and sought to help her. Now if we can only help Revan achieve the same epiphany you just had, the two of you will finally be able to actually heal, little sister.: “Why?” Revan demanded, her voice filled with a mix of anger, confusion and fear, “Why won’t you hate me, why won’t you leave?” “Ya’ve done more than enough hatin’ for all of us, sugarcube,” Applejack said gently, “An’ ya need ta stop. What happened to Maeve was horrible, but Princess Luna is right, ya tearin’ at yerself and tryin’ to keep yer heart locked up ain’t atonin' for a crime, it’s punishin’ one of tha victims. “Ah know facin’ all of this is hurtin’ ya, but this is yer chance to leave all of this guilt behind an’ be tha person that Maeve knew ya could be,” reaching out a hoof, the farmpony raised Revan’s chin and looked her in the eye. “Ya ain’t betrayin’ Maeve or your guardsponies if ya make new friends, and ya ain’t betrayin’ them if ya stop tormentin’ yerself an’ live your life. Jus’ try ta live it in a way that would make Maeve and yer Ma be proud of ya.” “We’re your friends, stupid,” Rainbow added, “The Princesses know we aren’t perfect, but we’re not going to turn on you, even if you do make us want to kick your flank sometimes.” Celestia and Luna each reached out a wing to grip one of the twi’lek’s shoulders as Revan sat quietly, surrounded by her friends, then she shuddered and gave a thin, broken howl as the tears that had been held back for almost two decades at long last began to fall. The ponies gave what comfort they could as Revan let her long repressed grief flow, hopefully washing away some of her remorse and self-loathing along with her pain, until, having finally cried herself out several minutes later, the Jedi raised her face to look up at the diarchs, “What now?” Celestia smile down at her, “Now, you and Luna will finally begin to mend, it will be a long road, but we will be here for you both.” “That’s not what I meant, Sunbutt,” Revan shook her head, while Luna, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Applejack all attempted to control their snickering at the twi’lek’s impertinent nickname for the solar princess, “I’m still SoulTaker, I’m still hard, suspicious and ruthless ….” “While you still think we ponies are soft, naïve and overly-compassionate, darling?” Rarity asked archly as she raised a brow at the twi’lek. “I’m not so certain that that’s a bad thing, anymore, Rares,” the Jedi admitted. “You and Luna are both damaged, Revan, but damage can heal,” Twilight said firmly, “And we’ll help you both through it,” the unicorn blushed, “Even if we have to occasionally ‘kick your flanks’ as RD puts it.” Revan smile faintly, “‘Aliit ori'shya tal'din’.” Seeing the ponies’ confusion, she explained, “It’s an old Mandalorean proverb, it means ‘family is more than blood’,” looking up at the Princesses, she hesitantly held out her arm to them from within the pile of her friends. Celestia and Luna exchanged surprised looks, and then happily joined the cluster of ponies gathered around the Jedi while Pinkie gleefully chirped “Group Hug!”