//------------------------------// // The Algorithm: Minion of the Month club // Story: Rogue Chaos // by FrostTheWolf //------------------------------// Rogue Chaos- Minion of the Month Club         “Oh my gosh! Guys, GUYS! You are not going to believe who I sent to murder all of you!!” ISIC gleefully cheered over the intercom. “It’s the enforcer minion of the month herself! Back from the minion fighting pits of some Bullsh*t planet. I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!! It’s… BARBARA!! BARBARA? Barbara… Hmm, don’t look at me, the minions name themselves.” Seconds after that piece of annoying monologuing was finished, the Battleborn that stepped inside began to take cover and open fire on the robotic killers as they tried to wind down the H3NCHM4N’s defensive shields.         “Aw crap!” Oscar yelled. “This thing's shields are too strong!”         “Alone, maybe.” Montana said. “But we're in this together, right little guy!?”         “SHOOT!!! SHOOT!!!” Discord yelled while firing a smaller copy of Montana’s machine gun. Which did minimal damage to the shields, but gave everyone enough time to find cover before they began to open fire on the mechanical drone.         “Halfway there!” Reyna said. “Let’s-” However, the Rogue stopped speaking once the robot teleported… and reappeared with a second version of itself. Conveniently named H3NCHM4N TOO. “Oh COME ON!!!”         “Let’s split up and find cover quickly!” Oscar suggested         “HUZZAH!!! The fun has been doubled!!!” Discord cheered, wearing a blue, flowing wig. Reyna had to yank the little one over, trying to avoid the gunfire from the two bots as she looked at the small child.         “Okay, I know you like having fun, but we need to deal with these guys before they become a problem…” Reyna said, thinking something as she looked back at the draconequus. “Hey little guy, since you can copy Ghalt’s guns, can you copy his traps?”         “Umm… I don’t th-hink so… I haven’t seen his twaps before…”         “Damn…” Reyna cursed, before getting an idea. “How many glasses of chocolate milk can you make?”         “Depends how thiwsty I am. I'm a bit parched, but-”         “DRINK!!! Chug away!”         “YAY!!!” Discord conjured up a full gallon of Chocolate milk and chugged it all down. When he was finished, he chucked the empty glass at one of the H3NCHM4N.         BOOM!!!          “Well, it may not be Ghalt’s traps, but it’s a good alternative for right now.” Reyna thought to herself. “Focus your fire! It’s shields are down!!” Thorn ran to one of the H3NCHM4N and aimed a good bow right in it's ‘eye’, blinding it while Oscar Mike fired some grenades at it, destroying it. The other H3NCHM4N noticed it's partner fall, grabbed it's body.         “H3NCHM4N!!!” It yelled.         “... Come closer Eddie.” the other replied. “... It's getting dark. Tell Tiny Tim I won't be making it this Christmas…         BANG!! BANG!! The short scene of dialogue was interrupted when Discord replicated Reyna’s pistol and shot both of the robots in the head, causing them to explode. As they looked at him, all the youngling did was give a simple shrug. “What? They were monologuing… Who really cares about monologuing?”         “I DO!!!” ISIC yelled, clearing his non-existent throat. “Ahem! Oh no, my CHAMPION!! Query: Who will take up the role of avenging it’s demise? Response: The other thousands of minions or so that I have in this facility… Obviously.”         “More baddies to shoot!? Yay!!!” The youngling squealed, as a new flock of penguin like boom bots soon waddled over to their general location.         “If Toby were here, he would think that ISIC would be… well… how do you say racist against Penguins?” Reyna asked Oscar Mike.         “Uh… Species-ist?” he suggested with a shrug. “Eh, who cares! Get outta here you stupid, robot birds!!!” He kicked one, only for it to explode and blasted him to the wall. “... Ow.” Montana pulled him off.         “Let me do the stomping.” he said.         “WEASEL STOMPING DAY!!!” Discord cheered, now wearing comically large boots.         “Discord, let Monty handle this one.” Oscar Mike advised. “The more damage he takes, the more he can deliver to these chumps.” As he said this, Montana began to laugh out loud and enjoy the mechanical carnage that he was creating with his Minigun and giant oversized hands. “Let’s work on activating the door so we can proceed.”         “The Bulkhead for the door should be nearby. It may only require one of you to activate. But the more that stand on it, the faster it’ll open the door.” Kleese suggested from over the intercom briefly.         “TEAMWORK!!!” Discord cheered, standing on his platform… Then falling asleep on it, bored easily. All while the door to the bridge soon opened up. He woke up as soon as it opened. “Nap over!”         “Alright, show yourself ISIC. You can’t be far…” Reyna snapped, only to hear a certain response from him.         “Hi there, ISIC can’t come to the phone right now. I’m REAL busy cooking up death traps for a bunch of worthless pukes.”         “Oh great… we got his machine.” Kleese groaned, only to hear ISIC soon speak up once again.         “Please leave a message after the sound of your fellow men, racked by agonizing pain,” ISIC paused, only to change his voice before finishing his sentence. “Oh please, no! I NEED THOSE!!”         “... What just happened?”         “Oh dear, I’m afraid I’m too horrified to speak.” Kleese responded to the sound of ISIC impersonating a soldier that he probably tortured.         “That’s the idea…”         “Now that's just creepy.” Oscar commented.         “Creepy or not, there’s one thing in particular that’s blocking your path from advancing,” Ghalt spoke up. “That door is being shielded by two generators and-. Wait, hang on a second… How the-.” That sound was followed by the sound of what sounded like Punching before a new voice came on.         “Sorry Peeps, Ghalt needed to take a break so I decided to… fill in for him.”         “Mommy!” Discord cheered, being motivated by Shayne’s voice on the intercom.         “Aw, how sweet!” ISIC mocked. “The little hell spawn thinks the angsty teenager is his mom! I can't wait to record you gnawing her face off!         “Says the guy who’s nothing but a floating head right now… Anyways, just work your way through the minions and take care of the door by destroying the generators powering it. Guess I’ll be spending time with the senior citizen to my right.”         “I'm not that old!” Kleese replied, while Reyna and Discord worked on the first generator and Thorn destroyed the second, Montana and Oscar Mike began to lay down a surpressing fire that made short work of the drones advancing towards them. As the doors opened and the five of them now stepped onto the snow perched parts of the outpost, ISIC began to calmly greet them once again.         “So, I guess all of you are hellbent on handing me my ass hunh? Well, if you want a piece of this Magnus, you’ll have to go through Geoff, my most violent S1 sentry unit. He’s a little eccentic, but CRAZY lethal. Say Geoff? Got some Pukes coming your way that I love you to kill and I-.”         “I am ARACHNIS, The Spider King!! Lord of all Spiders!!!” A new voice boomed from the other end of the compound as the group slowly descended upon the location of the voice.         “No, not today. You are not a spider king, you are an S1 Sentry unit and your name is Geoff-.”         “ARACHNIS!!”         “Oh my god, Geoff, Arachnis, whatever! Just kill them already, okay?”         “Nooooooope.”         All of them soon heard Kleese groan internally as he began to relay something new to the team on the ground. “Good lord, Geoff is… really committed to that Spider thing… I have a rather nutty idea.”         “BUG Spray!!!” Discord blurted, wearing a familiar red outfit.         Reyna herself just rolled her eye and facepalmed herself. “Discord, can you please be a bit serious-?”         “Actually Reyna, He’s not wrong,” Shayne interrupted over the comm line. “Tell them, grandpa.”         In response, Kleese groaned internally before clearing his throat and speaking up. “Like all UPR colonies, the facility is equipped with fumigators to deal with the constant outbreak of Blissbugs, those nasty little bastards.” Kleese swore, before the sound of him getting hit over the head echoed over the intercom. “Give Geoff a lungful, that’ll probably shake him loose.”         “Time to squish some bugs!” Oscar said, reloading his assault rifle. Discord himself scurried over to the initiation pad to start the sequence as he danced in place and was drinking a milkshake in the process. Then, the fumigation systems began to take effect.         “Cough! Cough! Agh!! Poison gas harmful to giant spiders!” The Sentry Unit announced. “I better kill these clowns!” Soon, the eight legged sentry bot crashed onto the ground as it primed it’s weapons and stared down the group with it’s only eye.         “Arachnis, ready to engage!!”         “Here it comes!!” Thorn yelled, arming her bow at the ready before firing off a volley of arrows at the mech. Montana and Oscar Mike were unloading every round of ammo they had to spare towards Geoff while Reyna focused on shielding Montana. Discord on the other hand, had a different task the moment they heard the mech say this.         “Spiderlings… Assemble!!” Multiple spider-esque looking robots charged at the group.         “Oh sh*t!” Reyna cursed. The Spiderlings stopped as an 8-Bit tune was heard. Discord stood on five boomboxes, wore a girl’s dress, had Orendi’s arms, and held various tea equipment while looking a bit like a spider-thing himself.         “Come, my pwetties.” he said. The Spiderlings began to ‘dance’ to the music in unison.         “Did he just… hypnotize them?” Montana asked         “Who cares what he did, blast the things already before Geoff tries to kill you all!!” Kleese interrupted them over the Intercom, but not breaking Discord’s routine.         “ARACHNIS!!!” Geoff corrected “And… must… resist… dancing!” Geoff began to dance to the music. But after some more hits from Oscar Mike and the others, the spider mech then shouted out something else. “Taking heavy damage…”         “Don’t die out there on me Geoff, come on back and get some firmware upgrades.” ISIC’s distorted voice called out to him.         “Arachnis.”         “F*ck you!” ISIC snapped as the mech escaped from Discord’s dancing.         “Damn it! Geoff’s retreating for upgrades! We need to flush him out!!” Kleese told the group as they ran after the sentry.         “We could try the fumigation system again.” Shayne suggested, the sound of her eating popcorn apparent over the intercom. “Because if you try shooting him right now, barely anything could hit him because he’s shielding himself. There’s three pads to trigger the system. Find it and then get that oversized robot back outside.”         “I am not a robot! I am a spider!!” Geoff snapped.         “Geoff…” ISIC mumbled, unaware of what Discord, Reyna and Thorn were doing while Montana and Oscar Mike waited outside. The three stood on their platform and Discord had another quick nap, up until the gas came. Both Reyna & Thorn coughed their way out, but Discord wore a gasmask, though the breathing was a bit off.         “Cough… Cough… Dammit… Cough…” The Sentry echoed before he went back out into the cold terrain of the Bliss tundra. “Firmware upgrade complete, this Spider’s got new fangs!!”         “Cool!! Now do something violent with them, or I will send you screaming into MINREC’s gaping maw.” ISIC ordered.         “MINREC?” Discord asked, taking the mask off.         “Ask Kleese about that when we’re back. He’s knows a thing or two about machines and AI to explain.” Reyna told the youngling as she shielded Discord, who was wielding a set of fans similar to Deande, but using them to add to his previous dance routine.         “If Geoff believes he’s truly a spider,” Thorn suggested “Discord, can you make the spiderlings attack Geoff?” Discord snickered evilly.         “Go my pwetties!!” He cried, holding a staff that resembled Ambra’s as the spiderlings threw themselves at the S1 Sentry. Shortly before exploding.         “Hey, Bad spiderlings!! Why did you disobey papa Arachnis-?! OWW!!” Geoff screamed, snarling a little as he fired out a few sticky electro-webs that stopped the minions in their tracks before destroying them with his turret guns. “You’re in my web now!!”         “Don’t get caught in those traps! They’ll paralyze you!!” Reyna warned the others shortly after they were cast out. Thorn herself began to channel a lot of energy in one of her hands before firing out at Geoff. The impact of the strike causing him to topple over before retreating.         “Arachnis the spider lord, huntin’ for some upgrades!!”         “I swear to god Geoff…” ISIC growled this time.         “Hey Discord. You still have some control over those Spiderlings?” Shayne asked the Draconequus over the comline. “How about sending them in to do the dirty work of flushing out Spider-Face while all of you prepare yourselves for when Geoff returns?”         “And how come you didn’t suggest that the first time?” Reyna questioned.         “It didn’t really come to me until I heard that Dissy could control them to do his bidding,” The angsty teen mumbled as Discord ordered the little robots to do his bidding, causing them to charge in blind and trigger the fumigation systems once more.         “I’m getting really tired of this… Now I’m mad…”         “Sorry to break your tune, Geoff. But I’m all out of firmware upgrades. Now get on out there and fight/die for your robot overlord.” ISIC said one last time before fading away. But as Geoff regained his senses, he saw Thorn prepare a volley of arrows, Reyna ready her handgun, Montana prime his machine gun, Oscar Mike activate the Airstrike capabilities of his tactical rifle and Discord prime up his version of Bindlebane. Marquis’ signature cane/sniper rifle.         “Well, that’s just not fair at all…”         “I’m sorry, but…” Reyna spoke as her gun clicked back and she aimed it at the sentry. “We don’t give a f*ck!” Seconds afterward, all five of them opened fire on the sentry as a blitz of bullets mowed Geoff down as he exploded into a huge pile of scrap metal. In addition to that, the explosion caused the wall behind Geoff to break apart, allowing for the group to advance onward.         “Good job everyone! Discord, congratulations on taking down the Spider King… he was a real annoyance.” Shayne replied. “Now, bad grandpa… what’s next?”         “Watch it, brat… Just keep pressing on, I’m picking up an  signal further in the caves. It must belong to ISIC.” Kleese informed them as Discord himself worked on scavenging all the loot he could get his claws on.         “My… precious.” he hissed, holding a ring         “Discord, that’s an icicle.” Reyna facepalmed as she looked at the silly draconequus. “Anyways, let’s press on. The longer we stay out here, the more likely we’re going to freeze to death rather than make it back here on our own.” Discord nodded, taking the ring of ice and having it become a snowball as he chucked it at Montana before laughing a bit once it knocked off his hat. Then, the mischevious youngster got an idea and replicated a rocket launcher like Benedict’s, but instead launched snowballs instead of actual rockets.         Reyna sighed to herself… This was going to be a LONG mission.