Pink Guy slept soundly, sprawled on the floor, cooing, and often smacking his mouth. Morning had come, and it was Sweetie Belle’s big day, where she would celebrate another year that she had been on Celestia’s green earth. Birds were chirping outside, the sun was shining, and Salamander Man was already up, serenading the others with the sounds of a little Morning from Peer Gynt from the recorder that he had jammed in his nose.
Everyone was already up, showered, and dressed, and only needed to wait for Pink Guy’s awakening before they could prepare for the day. Red Dick was already getting rather restless, and he stood over his friend and vomited a frothy dark liquid that looked more like gargled Pepsi over him. Pink Guy stirred but a little and curled back up into slumber. Almost immediately, Salamander Man squatted down over him with his instrument in his ass, making sure the end was just close enough to his ear without it touching. Then, with a mighty blow, a sound most loud and horrific sounded out through the instrument.
Pink Guy awoke with a frightened screech and turned his head over to Salamander Man, who continued to play. Before Salamander Man could realize this, Pink Guy grabbed the recorder and blew through the other end. Salamander man yelped and hopped away, rubbing the anxiety and feelings of violation out of his nipples. Prometheus leaned down to Pink Guy’s stupid, happy face and jammed his head into the floor, breaking the wood beneath him.
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The four of them came down to the kitchen, only to be greeted by a most welcome and familiar sight. Standing there was a white skinned Lycran with a head resembling a lemon and a pale face. Beside him was a human male with greasy, parted black hair, acne that no woman of the human persuasion would consider making him look datable, and a pair of nerdy-ass wire-frame glasses.
“Look,” the lemony Lycran known as Lemon said with a pointed finger, “there they are, I told you!”
“Guys,” the subhuman they called Frank almost shouted in a voice that suggested a lifetime of continuous breathing through the butt of at least three cigarettes, “thank fucking Christ, I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Gyaeh!” Pink Guy exclaimed. “b0ss!”
Pink Guy ran to him and gave him an awkward, but tight hug around the waist.
“I’m glad that that’s settled,” Frank gurgled, “Come on, everyone, let’s go home.”
“Ey?” Pink Guy suddenly said, looking up to Papa Franku with big puppy dog eyes. “Bu- bu- but… Pinkie!”
“I don’t care about any of that! Let’s go everyone! Into the Honda right now!”
The others refused to heed his words, standing indignantly and defiantly.
“The fuck’s the matter with you? You’re not goin’ weeb on me, are you?”
Red Dick stepped forward and stared Frank straight into his pink eyes.
“フランクは、私たちはここに生き物と友達になっており、そのうちの一つのためにパーティーをスローするように求められています。私たちは十分な長それほど行うに宿泊することができればそれは幸せ、私たちだけでなく、ポニーになるだろう。.”
“Frank, we have made friends with the creatures here and have been asked to throw a party for one of them. It would make us, as well as the ponies, happy if we could stay just long enough to do that much.”
Frank shamefully looked away from his friends, realizing how much his hatred for bright colors and the innocence of children’s television has brought him down.
“You’re right,” he finally admitted. “All this time I thought this realm was a poison to all but the most retarded of chimpanzees. But now I see how much joy these ponies have brought to you and the rest of the world. Maybe I was wrong about the ponies. Maybe I was wrong about a lot of things.”
“Wow,” Lemon choked, wiping a juice tear from his eyes, “you really think that?”
“PFFT, fuck no! But hey, I got no one cooking for me back home, so if I can get a free meal out of it, go ahead and throw your little party, I don’t give a shit!”
Pink Guy let in a big gasp and the most chibi-looking face one could make in reality, and hugged Filthy Frank tighter. Red Dick, Salamander Man, and Prometheus also gathered ‘round and joined in the embrace.
“Gah, I love you little fuckers so much too,” Frank hocked.
“さあ、それでは、仕事に取得してみましょう。” Red Dick finally exclaimed.
“Come on, let’s get to work.”
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At Sweetie Belle’s home, the local dress shop, many ponies, most of them the same age as here, gathered to the house. Tables and seats were already set up in the front outside, and there were some decorations about to prevent the atmosphere from becoming too drab, but the real party would not start until Pink Guy and his posse would arrive. Sweetie Belle already looked nervous, even with the majority of her friends there.
“Oh,” she whined, “when’s he coming?”
“When’s who coming?” Diamond Tiara asked, walking to her with Silver Spoon by her side.
“And who’s he?” her friend chimed in. “Doesn’t Pinkie Pie normally come right now?”
“Oh, hey Diamond Tiara,” bid Sweetie Belle. “Hey Silver Spoon. Pinkie Pie’s out of town, so we got… some others to help us.”
“They weren’t by chance those wierdos in front of Sugarcube Corner yesterday, were they?”
“HEY!” screamed Sweetie Belle, sending the other two aback. “You don’t talk about Prometheus that way!”
“Sweetie Belle!” called Apple Bloom, approaching with Scootaloo. “What’s with all the yelling?”
Silver Spoon, looking off to find a suitable change of topic, suddenly found the four Lycrans, homunculus, and human walking toward the party, Prometheus pulling a massive stack of cakes and snacks on a cart. From a slight distance, Big Mac saw this and pursed his lips, clearly impressed. Sweetie Belle, seeing him, lit up like a Christmas tree, her back legs quivering and buckling in.
For Pink Guy, their walkup was one that could rival Deadpool’s, but with Lil B blaring in the back of his head, he knew they were leagues above that. Beside Big Mac, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle walked up to observe their entrance.
“So,” Applejack said, “these are the guys that my sis was talking about?”
“The ones that showed up right when Pinkie Pie disappeared?” Rainbow Dash asked, her suspicion fueling the anger in her voice.
“It seems so,” Twilight responded. “Come on, girls, let’s get to the bottom of this.”
As they began to approach the six foreign creatures, they had already stopped before Sweetie Belle to drop off their things.
“Prometheus!” Sweetie Belle squealed. “You’re here at last.”
Prometheus did moderately well to hide the discomfort that was seeping into him through this soft, pygmy marshmallow horse. He shot Pink Guy a piercing glance through the corner of his eyes, to which he responded with a sorry shrug.
“So,” Filthy Frank said, leaning down to the fillies and sporting a face like a magnet for restraining orders, “which one of you little fuckers is the birthday boy?”
“Hey!” called Twilight, getting closer. “Just what are you, and what have you done with Pinkie Pie?”
Frank and Lemon looked more confused while Pink Guy, Red Dick, and Salamander Man began to feel threatened.
“Twilight?” Apple Bloom asked. “Didn’t you hear? Pinkie’s out of town for a few days.”
“First I’m hearing about it,” grumbled Applejack.
“Yeah,” added Rainbow Dash. “I hear from Pinkie about her trips at least three times the day before, and I didn’t hear from her once.”
The vitriol was rising, and Pink Guy was starting to lose his sense of safety.
“Maybe she forgot!” Scootaloo wondered aloud.
“Unlikely,” Twilight said. “Sirs, I’ll ask one more time, where is Pinkie Pie?”
Once she took a step forwards, Pink Guy could no longer take it.
“O CHIN CHIN!” he cried out.
As if they could feel a dark presence’s aura suddenly permeate around them, the ponies went deathly silent. Twilight Sparkle and her two friends were particularly wary as they tried to sense where this feeling was coming from. Suddenly, there was screaming from inside the Carousel Boutique, the first voice that could be heard being picked up immediately by Sweetie Belle as she continued to cling to Prometheus.
“Rarity!” she called. “What’s in there?”
As if to answer her question, a larger Lycra with black skin slowly slunk his way out on all fours. His eyes were two pale shapes with a black slit in the center, and his mouth was constantly stretched into a vengeful scowl.
“Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo!” it called out.
holy tits! where the fuck did you dickshits send me lol
Twilight immediately crouched into an offensive stance, prompting Rainbow Dash and Applejack to do the same.
“Careful,” she warned, “this must be their leader.”
“Ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo,” it curtly replied in kind.
stupid pony whore, i don’t have a clue what your talking about
“Tell us where Pinkie Pie is, you fiend!”
“Ayeyah! Yeahayeh!”
you don’t threaten me bitch, bring it on, i'm ripped rofl
“You asked for it.”
Twilight charged up her horn, and Chin Chin just stood still ready to protect himself and the one who called him.
“No!” bellowed a voice galloping into the frey. “Stop!”
Everyone turned to see Big Mac skidding to a stop beside Applejack, panting over the fight he had just barely prevented.
“Big Mac!” exclaimed Applejack. “What’s going on? Do you know where Pinkie Pie is?”
“Eeyup!” he responded. “She’s in hell, like me!”
Everyone, including Twilight and Applejack, were both deathly confused, but before their confusion could revert back to anger, Big Mac turned around and squatted like a dog would do before shitting, and shit he did, much to the shock of the partygoers around him.
Instead of turds, however, something even more sinister came out. Another black-skinned Lycra, this one noticeably skinnier than Chin Chin came out of Big Mac’s anus accompanied by song. His eyes were covered by a pair of admittedly dope shades, and once he was pushed out to his chest, the Lycra slid quickly out of the stallions ass, and at once, Big Mac deflated, revealing his true identity as the Lycra’s disguise suit.
“What is even happening today?” Rainbow Dash gagged.
“Mr. Magic Man!” Frank spat, watching as he stood himself before the crowd. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to take all that you love and eat ass!” the Lycra responded. “And I just came out of my last one!”
“Pinkehhh!” Pink Guy screamed, his distress reaching critical levels.
“Where’s Pinkie Pie, fuqboi?”
“SHYUTTHAFUCHEUPP!” he barked back.
“Where is Pinkie Pie?” Twilight cried out. “Answer me!”
“She’s safe, but with or without her, you’re FUCKED!”
“Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo…” Chin Chin said, exhausted.
look, you stillborn waste of chromosomes, can you just give them the pink horse back so we can leave?
“No! I have come all this way, and all the pieces are finally here!”
“Ore wa ochinchin ga–”
lol, i don’t know what you’re ta–
Chin Chin’s words were painfully cut short when Mr. Magic Man suddenly appeared behind the dark god with his hand jammed into his back. Filthy Frank and his friends gasped heavily.
“Your power’s mine now, beeyotch!” Mr. Magic Man laughed triumphantly.
Both Mr. Magic Man and Chin Chin shook violently as the latter was drained and the former was filled with unbelievable wisdom and abilities that all gods, the old and the new, trembled before.
“Ore wa ochinchin ga…” Mr. Magic Man thundered, “POWER!”
“Unlimited…"
“No, stop!” begged Frank. “You know not what you do!”
“Pink Guy and Red Dick held each other as Chin Chin turned into a Chin Chin-shaped light and with a blinding flash, the dark lord was gone forever more. Instead, Mr. Magic Man only stood, a silver streak down the center of each frame of his glasses.
“Oh, God!” wept Frank.
“God can’t help you now, beeyotch!” Mr. Magic Man responded. “I was not able to defeat you with the memes, but with the dark lord’s power, I have manifested this disease within me into something far more cancerous: the fanon!”
Frank yelped involuntarily, the sound of such a word already too horrible to hear.
“That’s impossible! No one, not even the great Chin Chin could control such an evil power!”
“On our own, you’d be right,” Mr. Magic Man said with pride, “but with him inside me, I can destroy the multirealm with my powers, and it’s all your fault!”
“What, now?” Twilight queried unbeknownst to everyone else.
“All I wanted you to do was love me, and now the only thing that brings me joy is to take all that you and your friends love and destroy it!”
Twilight heard enough and stepped forward.
“Well, you’re not getting that chance!” she boldly stated, charging her horn.
“Fool!” Mr. Magic Man bellowed while in some kung-fu stance, floating up into the air. “You shall be the first example!”
Flicking his hands down, two orange rays shot out of each hand and struck Twilight, causing the others to back away. Twilight had already put up a shield spell, which kept the energy from hitting her or anyone around her. Frank even gave a glimmer of a smile, hoping that she could actually win. When the rays ended, Twilight ceased her spell and looked up to Mr. Magic Man.
“Is that all you have?!” she shouted.
“Twily?” a sultry male voice suddenly called out.
Twilight turned around, and the sight was at first terrifying as if she felt everything she was fall away from herself, but quickly turned to lust. It was her brother, Shining Armor, his red military jacket opened out and revealing his sweaty cheast.
“Oh my sexy brother!” she growled lusciously.
“Oh God, no!” Frank screamed.
Shining Armor’s half-chub suddenly turned into a full erection as he tackled his sister, and before long, she laid her top half down with her ass fully up and her legs spread apart, inviting her brother’s manhood with her twitching horsecunt. Ponies screamed and ran for their lives as Shining Armor mounted her sister and plowed her like a 100-acre field.
Frank pulled out a piece of paper and a sharpie marker, quickly, writing #TYBG upon it and quickly eating it. Frank’s hopes suddenly dipped as he continued waiting for a response from Lil B.
“Twilight!” Rainbow Dash called, galloping toward her.
Upon getting close, Twilight turned her head and blasted her friend with a magic spell, her face demonically contorted in anger at her. Once she was repelled far enough back, her lazy-eyed, wide smile looked came back as she continued to get fucked by her Big Brother Butt Fucker Forever. Rainbow Dash looked up to the entertained Mr. Magic Man.
“Give her back!” she demanded, soaring up.
“Let’s get keep this party going!” he responded, zapping her too with his powers.
Before she could collide with him, he zipped up out of the way and let her land to the ground. When her hooves hit the grass, her eyes suddenly fell upon Frank.
“Daddy?” she cried. “Daddy!”
She galloped toward him, and as Frank turned around, she tackled him to the ground and smothered her body into his.
“What the fuck!” Frank shouted, fearing for his life.
“Daddy, it’s me, Dashie,” she said. “I found you at last!”
“No… NO! I will not take part in your emotionally manipulative fanfiction bullshit!”
“Too late, beeyotch!” replied Mr. Magic Man. “If only you loved me the same way you loved her!”
“I don’t love her! GYAHH!”
Filthy Frank’s words fell on deaf ears as his fake pony daughter continued to grab him and roll around with him like a child with her dad. Prometheus looked at both the incestuous nightmare and the phony familial bond with wide eyes and a constantly expressive mouth that refused to say anything. However, he found a wooden barrel beside a table that was used as a garbage bin.
Mr. Magic Man laughed an evil laugh at the chaos he created, only to be pelted with the wooden barrel, which shattered upon contact. Mr. Magic Man looked down to see Prometheus with another barrel, Sweetie Belle standing beside him. Looking at his surroundings, Mr. Magic Man finally found the mint-green unicorn Lyra, and with a finger-snap and point, she was zapped with the fanon.
She looked back and found Prometheus, becoming incredibly excited at his appearance despite the circumstances.
“Oh my Celestia!” she shouted. “Is that a human!?”
With a teleportation spell, she appeared before Prometheus and suddenly pinned him down with another spell, making him lose his barrel and subjecting himself to Lyra’s fanatic mercy.
“Look at these hands,” she moaned, grinding her body against his while her hooves ran around the palms of his hands.
Prometheus gasped for air like a fish, and like a fish, did not speak anything. Applejack was reduced to tears over the sight of her friends becoming what they had become, while Pink Guy, Salamander Man, and Red Dick held to each other, not knowing what hell Mr. Magic Man would subject them too. Lemon stood beside Frank, unsure of what to do himself.
“Go!” Frank shouted to his Lycran friends. “Save yourselves!”
Only Lemon could hear him, while the others only caught a glimpse of what he had asked.
“Tickle fight!” Dashie suddenly announced.
“Go on and- heeheeheeHAHAHAHAHAH!” Frank suddenly laughed.
Pink Guy, Rainbow Dash, and Salamander Man looked to see their truest friend assaulted by the blue pegasus, his laughing sounding labored and agonizing. The three of them rushed to save them, only for her wings to catch them and tickle their bellies and armpits.
“The more the merrier!” she chortled. “I loved making new friends with my daddy!”
Lemon was now all alone as his friends were immobilized by the fanonized ponies. He crouched down with his hands on his lemon head and he began to scream. Mr. Magic Man noticed as the Lycran’s body began to glow with an intense citrusy scent.
“No, you ungrateful cunt!” he screamed with an outstretched hand. “Get bbbbbbbbaaaaaaacccccckkkk........”””””””
Time slowed down for Lemon as he suddenly awoke inside Realm 9.12, which appeared to be a Hoarders-level bedroom/basement filled with memorabilia of various anime and manga. The room was strangely very spacious and otherworldly, which wasn’t helped by the countless body pillows that stood along the walls like guards protecting this treasure trove of trash.
Further down the hall, he could hear crying coming from an end of it, prompting Lemon to investigate. After passing shelves of nearly every volume of every known manga in existence, then passing by stacks of every Japanese-release DVD of lots and lots of anime, he finally reached the end of the room, which was a bed with once-white sheets that were now crusted and stained with old protein.
On one side of the bed was a body pillow of Sakura Haruno, and beside it was a human male wearing an old, dirty female school uniform top with red-and-white striped pregnancy pants poorly concealing a large gut.
“Hello?” Lemon asked him. “Why are you crying?”
The man turned to Lemon and laid back down in his misery.
“Hello, oh,” he said. “Bother don’t. Have no to reason I live.”
“But why?” he asked, genuinely interested.
“Naruto manga having ended after out found I after, knew anime would I the come an to end. Happens that when, die might I well as. Forget to Rosetta all I Japanese on Stone had, English same has learning been not and the again.”
“What is your name?”
“Jones Weeaboo. Least as, was I. That greatest recently it I shows and books wasn’t forgot end until that all the ever will eventually, done and I have life in nothing my, cringe one my been life has giant.”
Suddenly, a marvelous thought appeared into Lemon’s head. It would quite possibly lead to his death, but if it meant the saving of his friends and the end of Mr. Magic Man’s tyrannical reign, it would be worth it. He offered Weeaboo Jones his outstretched hand.
“Lend me your power,” he said. “My friends are in danger, and if we don’t save them, together, their realm, our realm, and every realm will be destroyed.”
“It forget,” he said, slapping the hand away. “Naruto just of anime the rest peace I watch want in to the.”
Lemon was losing him, but there was still a way.
“Where I come from,” Lemon said, “life goes on forever after death, and it’s never wasted, but it’s only given to those who put themselves before others.”
“Help and can I how?”
“If you lend me your power, when you reach the afterlife, Naruto will never end, neither the manga or the anime, and Attack on Titan will have already released its second season and continue going into infinity. All you have to do is give me the power of your cringe.”
“R- really? Promise you?”
“I would never lie in the face of an ally.”
With anime-style waterfall tears from his eyes, Weeaboo Jones grabbed Lemon’s hand, and the two were encompassed in light.
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“ –back here!” Mr. Magic Man shouted to Lemon.
Lemon opened his eyes, now aglow with power. Biting his thumb and drawing blood, he turned around and whipped his arm out at Mr. Magic Man, a drop of his blood morphing into a small lemon and sailing straight into Mr. Magic Man’s head. Such an unprecedented amount of strength seemed to scare Mr. Magic Man.
Lemon turned to face Frank and his Lycra friends, then blew into his palm, creating a cloud of lemon zest that covered them and Rainbow Dash. When it faded, their movements stopped, and they looked at each other with sheer confusion.
“What exactly were we doing?” she asked.
“Heyey!” Pink Guy exclaimed, pointing at Lemon.
They all stood up to see Lemon encased in a golden aura facing Mr. Magic Man with death in his eyes, fueling a song of hope from nearly out of nowhere.
“Bakana,” Frank was compelled to say. “He has mastered his lemonjutsu.”
“His what, now?” Rainbow Dash asked.
The music picked up in tempo and Lemon charged at Lyra atop of Promtheus still. With a kick, Lyra came off of Prometheus, and before she could teleport away, Lemon transmutated the dust and dirt around her into a lemony mist, and the acidity of his lemony attack made Lyra cringe and fall to the ground. When she opened her eyes, she saw Prometheus stand himself back up.
“Hey it’s the guy from the bakery,” she said in a casual voice.
Realizing he was free and that she was no longer crazy, Prometheus smiled and looked up to Mr. Magic Man, who was horrified over the resistance. Lemon made his way to Twilight and Shining Armor still getting it on, only for Mr. Magic Man to raise the earth around him and form a towering wall.
Lemon was not so easily deterred. Shooting out lemony syrup from the side of his waist, he shot up the wall and ran up. Once he made it over he dove down towards the abominable display of incest and produced two blades in his hand made from his hardened lemon syrup. With a hero’s landing, Lemon cut Shining Armor in half, who faded away like the projection he was. Without her brother there, Twilight came to, standing up to see Rainbow Dash and the others cheering him on. She looked to him with a sense of wonder, realizing their mutual bond.
“Yo,” Applejack said, coming up to them and crouching in position for a buck, “need a lift?”
Lemon raised a finger to let Applejack know to wait. Reaching in his ass, he pulled out a lemon and presented it to Twilight. Pulling his hands apart while making his empty hand wider, Twilight understood the gesture with a nod. Lemon tossed the lemon to Prometheus and jumped up towards Applejack, who already started reeling her legs back. As Applejack pushed up and launched Lemon at Mr. Magic Man, Twilight cast a spell on the lemon and made it the size of a barrel. Prometheus caught the fruit with ease and looked up just in time to see Lemon catch Mr. Magic Man and throw each other into the ground.
The two of them began to wrestle, with Lemon getting the upper hand.
“Do it!” Lemon shouted, knowing the moment was opportune.
Prometheus ran to Mr. Magic Man with the lemon and raised it up behind him, intending to strike. Before Lemon could get caught, Twilight teleported herself to his side and grabbed him, teleporting away just in time. Prometheus slammed the lemon atop of Mr. Magic Man, the cringy sourness completely destroying the bond between Mr. Magic Man and Chin Chin.
Mr. Magic Man was unconscious while Chin Chin hopped away.
“Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo.”
god, what a retarded fight that was lol
Mr. Magic Man then began to fade away in a light and morph into a pony, only for the pony to turn out to be Pinkie Pie.
“Whoa,” she said, “where am I?”
“Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
She, Twilight, Applejack, ran over and gave their friend a long overdue hug. Pink Guy even joined in, happy to see her alive and well.
“Wow,” Pinkie Pie chirped, “getting greeted by old and new friends!”
While the ponies welcomed their friend back, Frank, Red Dick, Salamander Man, and Prometheus gathered around Lemon, who writhed as his lemony head grew moldy.
“Lemon,” Frank said, choking up, “you saved us all. But how?”
“Ra…” he tried to say, too weak to remember English. “Rasengan.”
“Rasengan?” Frank wondered aloud, suddenly realizing the terrible truth. “No… You didn’t…”
Before Frank could lose it, Red Dick put his hand on his shoulder.
“私の友人を泣かないで,” he said. “最初に彼の悲惨さから彼を置きます。あなたは悲しむことができます。”
“Don’t cry, my friend. Put him out of his misery first. Then you can mourn.”
Frank stood still, unsure whether he could do that to such a brave soul and friend.
“Rasengan!” Lemon shouted, his mold growing fast. “Rasen–”
Frank immediately shot Lemon in the head with his arm crossing under his knee, but he did so with a proud smile on his face. Many of his former friends did deserve to die, whether it be becoming weeaboos or terrible internet rappers, but Lemon did not deserve to go, but chose to anyway. His death deserved honor, and honor is what he got.