It was a chilly Autumn morning in southern Coltorado. Ponies had just woken up from their slumbers. All except for two friends, who had been awake the entire night.
In a small house lived a unicorn stallion named Halant, a wannabe engineer. He had a white coat and a wrench for a cutie mark. In his basement, he levitated a clipboard in front of himself. “If my calculations are correct,” he said as he looked over a piece of paper, “then my creation will come to life and obey my every command!”
“Your ‘calculations’,” another unicorn stallion, this one with an olive colored coat and a calculator for a cutie mark, said as he examined a metallic pony that lay in the middle of the room from a distance, “are always wrong.”
“Silence!” Halant yelled as he turned around to face his assistant, only to realize he still had the clipboard in front of his face. He placed it down and continued. “You know nothing of my ingenuity. This is why you’re my lowly assistant, Altor.”
Altor simply rolled his eyes and walked over to Halant, who had started to tinker with some mechanical parts. “Okay, genius,” he began with a smirk, “let’s see if your creation actually works.”
“I must make sure everything is in place,” the scientist said as he tightened a bolt in the robots head. “You see if that bolt wasn’t ti-”
“Yeah, I get it,” Altor interrupted.
“Fantastic,” Halant said. “Then you know how to turn this on, right?”
The lowly assistant opened his mouth and raised a hoof. “You... flip a switch?” He asked.
Halant shook his head. “Not even close.” He walked over to a control panel and hit a few buttons. “You must enter a code in a very specific order. Should you not do this, the creation will self-destruct!”
“And why will it do that?” Altor asked as he walked over to the panel.
“I needed a fail-safe,” the Engineer said as he started to punch in a code.
“Dare I ask why a fail-safe is necessary?”
“In case somepony tries to steal it. It’s magnetically held down otherwise.”
Altor stared at Halant for a few seconds. “So, how powerful is the explosion?”
“I’m not sure,” Halant replied, his eyes still glued to the panel.
“How reassuring.”
“Listen,” Halant said as he finished punching in the code, “if you listen to what I have to say, this thing won’t turn the town into a crater.”
“Wait, I thought you had no idea how powerful the explosion is!”
“I don’t,” Halant replied. “I just wanted to see what your reaction would be.” He hit a green button and took a step back.
A faint hum could be heard around the room as the metallic pony slowly came to life. Its eyes glowed a faint blue. It turned its head towards Halant. “Butler-Bot online,” it said in a high class voice.
“Success!” Halant yelled. “I’ve created a robotic butler!”
Altor stood there slack jawed. “I can’t believe you actually made something that didn’t just break.”
Slowly, the Butler-Bot got up. “How may I serve you?”
Halant looked around the room. “Retrieve that,” he pointed to a screwdriver that lay on a shelf not too far from the robot.
“Understood,” the Butler-Bot said.
“So, if this thing doesn’t break, what do you intend on doing with it?” Altor asked.
“It’ll be my assistant while you aren’t here,” Halant replied. “I know you have a life outside of helping me with these experiments.”
“How considerate.” Altor deadpanned.
“It really is!”
While the two friends conversed, the Butler-Bot reached its destination. It reached over and grabbed the screwdriver. “I have retrieved the item. Would you like it, sir?” It asked.
“Oh, yes. Please, bring it here,” the Engineer said.
Despite its stiff movement, the robotic assistant got the screwdriver to Halant within a reasonable amount of time.
“So, you do intend to make it move faster, right?” Altor asked. “Because I’m doubtful you intended for it to take seven minutes to cross about forty feet.”
“All in due time, my lowly assistant.” Halant replied. “In the meantime, why don’t you go out and buy some wood from the hardware store? I want to see how well it can assist with building.”
“What happened to the wood you bought a few days ago?” The lowly assistant asked.
“I built a birdhouse.”
Altor facehoofed. “I won’t even ask why,” he muttered under his breath, resisting the urge to blow his stack at his friend. “I’ll be back in a little while.”
As Altor walked up the basement stairs, Halant hit a button on the control panel, which shut off the Butler-Bot. “Time to increase your speed,” he said to himself.
---
Outside, the morning air was chilly, and sent a slight shiver down Altor’s back. The sky above him was cloudless. The ground, littered with leaves of all colors. “Autumn,” he said to himself with a smile, “my favorite time of the year.”
After a few minutes of walking, the lowly assistant found himself outside the local hardware store. As he was about to enter, he heard a familiar voice yell, “Hey, Altor!”
Altor stopped and turned around. Behind him was an earth pony mare with a maroon coat and a cutie mark of a pair of binoculars. “Oh, hey Lilly,” he said as spotted his cousin. The two embraced in a hug. “What brings you here?”
“I’m going to build a birdhouse with my little sister,” she said as she broke away from the hug.
Altor’s right eye involuntarily twitched. “That’s awesome,” he said with a forced smile. “I’m here go pick up some wood for Halant.”
“He still hasn’t burned his house down?” Lilly asked as she and Altor walked into the store.
“Surprisingly enough, no.” Altor replied. He grabbed a cart and began pull it with his magic. “In fact, he managed to create something that actually works earlier, a robotic butler.”
“Oooh. Can I see it?” Lilly asked as she herself got a cart.
The lowly assistant put a hoof up to his chin. “Yeah. Just don’t touch anything while you’re there.”
Lilly grabbed some timber and let out a squeal. “This will be so much fun!”
“Yeah, totally,” Altor replied sarcastically as he levitated some timber down and placed it into the cart.
“Don’t be such a downer, Al,” Lilly said. “Don’t you remember why you two started those experiments?”
Altor thought to himself while the two walked to the checkout. “Nope.” He replied as he levitated the timber to the stallion behind the checkout counter. He levitated twelve bits to him. “And you know I hate being called ‘Al’.”
“It was because you two loved to create,” Lilly replied as she ignored her cousin’s complaint. After she paid for her things, she grabbed the bag containing the timber and ran up to her cousin.
“Look,” Altor began as he and Lilly exited the store, “I was up all night with him working on that robot. Of course I’m grumpy. Who wouldn’t be?”
“I guess,” Lilly said sheepishly. “I just hate seeing you act like this.”
After a short walk, the cousins arrived at Halant’s place. Altor opened the front door and walked in. “Does he always keep the front door open?” Lilly asked as she walked inside.
“Usually,” her cousin replied. “He locks it when I leave for the night though.” Altor walked to the basement door and opened it. “Halant!” He yelled down.
“Finally!” Halant yelled back. “It took you long enough. Come back down!”
The two descended to the basement to find Halant tuning up the robot. The Engineer wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead and placed a wrench on a nearby counter. “Oh, a guest,” he said when he noticed Lilly. “If you’d told me you were bringing somepony, I would’ve cleaned the place up.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fine,” Lilly replied as she looked around the basement. A chalkboard with various designs hung from a wall. Toolbox’s were scattered around the room and on counters. Unused gears and other parts littered the floor. “I guess.”
“Anyways,” Halant said after a few moments of silence, “did you get the wood, Altor?”
The lowly assistant nodded and dropped a bag full of wood next to Halant. “Will this suffice?”
The Engineer nodded. “Now then,” he said. “I’ve fixed the Butler-Bot’s speed issue, and I equipped it with some basic tools.” Halant walked over to the control panel and punched in the code. “Now let’s see if it can build something.” He hit a green button and ran over to the two cousins.
“That’s incredible,” Lilly said softly as she stared in awe.
In significantly less time, and no longer with stiff movement, the Butler-Bot stood up and faced the three ponies. “Butler-Bot online,” it said. “How may I be of service?”
Halant stepped forward. “I would like you to build a picket fence,” he said.
“Understood,” the robot said. A small saw came out came out from underneath its neck. It grabbed a piece of wood and got to work.
By the afternoon, the robot had completed the picket fence. Altor looked at it before asking, “And do you intend on using it, Halant?”
“Nope,” the Engineer replied as he deactivated the Butler-Bot.
“Second time you’ve wasted the wood I’ve bought with my bits.” The lowly assistant said, and facehoofed.
“Hey, that birdhouse will be used,” Halant said as he finished putting away a tool box. “Just not at this point in time.”
Altor rolled his eyes. “Anyways, I’m starving. Who wants to go out for lunch?”
Halant and Lilly both looked at each other and nodded. “Where did you have in mind?” Lilly asked.
“There’s a diner not too far from here. We could go there.”
“Sounds good,” Lilly said.
With that, the trio left the house.
---
Meanwhile, an earth pony colt with a lime green coat and a lock pick for a cutie mark watched from behind a tree. He waited until the three friends were out of sight before he made his move towards the house. He reached into a saddlebag and pulled out a lock pick. “Just a little to the right,” he said to himself as he tried to unlock the house.
Click
The door creaked open. “Score,” the colt whispered to himself. he entered the house and looked around. Come to Lane, the thief thought as he looked around the living room.
To his dismay, the house yielded very little. “And just my luck,” Lane muttered to himself as he walked back into the living room. “Mediocrity abound. No fancy china, no rare collectibles, or electronics.” Lane walked over to the basement door and sighed. “Not even a fucking book worth stealing!” He pushed open the basement door and walked down the stairs. “Why, hello there,” the thief said as he lay eyes on the Butler-Bot.
Lane slowly walked over to the robot and tried to lift it. To his anger, it wouldn’t budge. He put a hoof up to his chin and stared at it. “Time for Plan B,” he said to himself. He took a deep breath and tried to topple it.
Once again, it wouldn’t budge.
“Stupid thing!” he yelled as he punched it.
Clang!
A bolt fell out of the Butler-Bot’s head, along with a data chip.
“Ow!” Lane yelled as he reeled back in pain. “What in Tartarus is this thing made of?”
“I am made of titanium, sir,” the Butler-Bot said as it turned on. It turned its head and faced the thief. “Now, how may I be of assistance?”
Lane’s mouth hung open as he stared at the robot. “I, uh, was sent here by the owner of this house to check up on you,” he lied. “Yeah, that’s it. I just didn’t know how to turn you on.” Lane let out a nervous chuckle as he slowly backed away from the Butler-Bot.
“I don’t recall Master Halant mentioning any visitors today,” the Butler-Bot said as it stared at Lane, “but I will not question him.” The robot walked up to Lane. “You seem nervous. Would you like some tea?”
“Oh, that would be great,” the thief said.
The two walked upstairs into the kitchen. “Now, what is it that Master Halant wanted you to check?” the Butler-Bot asked as it made tea.
“Oh, he just wanted me to, uh, make sure nopony had tried to steal you.” Lane looked around the kitchen, hopeful to find a way out. “That was all.”
The Butler-Bot brought over a teacup to Lane and placed it in front of him. “I will be sure to tell Master Halant that you stopped by,” the robot said. “Is there anything else that you would like?”
Lane took a sip of tea before putting a hoof up to his chin. “Something fell out of you when I was trying to turn you on. Any idea what it was?”
“It was a data chip that overrides a prototype home security function. Without it, I will view all ponies that are not Master Halant as intruders, and will view them with murderous hatred.”
Lane dropped the teacup, which crashed onto the floor. “Does that include me?” he asked in a fearful tone.
“Yes, sir,” the Butler-Bot said, “and my means of killing you was in that teacup.” The robot’s eyes changed from their normally faint blue to a bright, ominous red. “Now do hold still.”
“Can I at least get some more tea then?”
“No, sir.”
“Fine, then take this!” Lane stood up and turned around and, with every ounce of strength inside of him, bucked the Butler-Bot square in the head.
CLANG! SNAP!
The Butler-Bot turned off. Its head tilted downward as though it’d been turned off.
“Oh sweet Celestia!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. The thief fell to the floor with a thud and whimpered. He looked at his broken hind legs and cringed. The sharp edges from the Butler-Bot cut into Lane’s hooves, and the metallic body of the robot shattered his legs bones. Maybe I can still escape, Lane thought to himself as he resisted the urge to cry.
As the thief crawled pathetically towards the doorway, he heard something start to move behind him.
“Reboot complete, sir.” the robot said as its head rose. “Butler-Bot online.”
He gulped and turned his head. To his horror, he saw the robot turn its head to face him.
The young colt swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to speak. “I-I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered. “Please let me go!”
The Butler-Bot stared at the thief for a second before the saw from under its neck came out. “All intruders must be eliminated.” The robot walked over and grabbed Lane by his head. “Sorry, sir.”
“No, please!” Lane pleased as he flailed his forelegs.
The robot planted the saw on his neck and swiped it, painting itself crimson. It opened the front door and dropped Lane’s lifeless body outside. “Intruder eliminated,” it said before it went back downstairs to its original position. “Sleep mode engaged.”
---
A few hours later, the three friends returned home. “What in Tartarus happened?!” Altor shrieked as he looked at Lane’s nearly decapitated corpse.
Halant and Lilly ran up next to him. “What is i- oh sweet Celestia!” Lilly screamed.
“This is bad,” Halant repeated to himself. “This is really bad.”
“No shit this is bad!” Altor screamed. “There’s a dead pony outside your house!”
“Yeah, I can see!” Halant shouted back. “I mean that idiot must’ve somehow knocked an important data chip out of the Butler-Bot!”
Altor stared at the Engineer blankly. “What does that have to do with anything?!”
“If that idiot was killed by the Butler-Bot, he activated its home security function. It isn’t completed!”
“So, now it’s a Murder-Bot?” Altor asked.
“Yes,” Halant said. “You could say that.”
“Well, what do we do?” Lilly asked as she snapped out of her stupor.
“Well, we have to go turn off the robot and somehow put the data chip back in.”
Meanwhile, in the basement, the Butler-Bot awoke. “Sleep mode offline,” it said as it arose. “Intruders detected.” It made its way up the staircase and approached the door.
Outside, the trio continued to talk until suddenly, the basement door came crashing down. “Why hello Master Halant,” the Butler-Bot said. “I see you’ve found the intruders. Do hand them over,” the robot said as it pulled out a buzz saw.
“Halant, I just want you to know,” Altor said. “This is all your fault.”
“I know,” Halant replied. “You don’t have to remind me.”
“Sir, I understand the cleanup will be a lengthy process, but do hand them over. It will be as clean as possible.” the Butler-Bot said as it walked towards the trio.
“Stand back,” Halant said as he charged up a spell.
“What are you doing, sir?” the robot asked as it took a defensive position.
Halant didn’t respond and fired off a magical bolt.
The robot sidestepped and took out a wrench. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, sir,” the Butler-Bot said, “but this is for your own good.” It threw the wrench, which hit Halant on the head.
The Engineer staggered around. “I see dancing birdies,” Halant said before he fell down; unconscious.
“That’s the most sense he’s ever made to me,” Altor said.
“While I appreciate your honesty,” the Butler-Bot said as it turned its gaze to the two cousins, “you are still intruders and must be eliminated.”
Altor frantically looked around before his eyes landed on a birdhouse. “Guess it won’t be so useless after all,” he said to himself. He levitated it over to himself before he turned to Lilly. “Go get Halant away from here,” he ordered. “I’ll distract the robot.”
Lilly nodded and ran towards Halant’s unconscious body. She grabbed him by the tail and pulled him away. When the robot turned its gaze to her, Altor threw the birdhouse at the Butler-Bot.
To his delight, the Butler-Bot turned it gaze towards him.
Then he realized the Butler-Bot had turned its gaze towards him.
The lowly assistant gulped. “Oh crap,” he whispered to himself.
“You made quite the mess, sir,” the robot said. “I’ll make sure to make a bigger mess out of you.”
Altor took a few steps back. He grit his teeth as he charged up his horn and fired off a powerful magical blast.
“Warning. Critical system failure. Fail safe will activate in ten seconds, sir.”
“Oh crap!” Altor yelled as he ran away.
Behind him, the robot exploded. A rogue piece of metal flew into Altor’s side. “Son of a bitch,” he hissed. He looked around for Halant and Lilly. “Hello?” He said as he grit his teeth from the pain.
“Altor?” Lilly coughed from down on the ground. Slowly, she got up and dragged herself to her cousin. “Oh dear, you’re hurt.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” he said. “Could you go alert a medic?”
“Yes,” she said. “Just wait, and don’t move.” With that, she ran off towards town.
As Altor lay on the ground, bleeding, he heard a Halant wake up. “What happened?” He asked; dazed.
“The Butler-Bot exploded,” Altor deadpanned.
“Wait, what?!” Halant asked.
“You heard me.”
“My first edition of the first Daring Do book! It was signed by A.K. Yearling herself!”
“Yeah, now it’s nothing but burnt paper.” The lowly assistant said as he looked at the burning house. “Look on the bright side. At least you’re not dead.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Halant said as he tried to stand up. “Ah, damn,” he said. He looked at his right hand leg and noticed a large gash, which was bleeding heavily.
“So we both got hurt by that stupid thing.” Altor said. “Well, you got hurt twice, but whatever.”
An awkward silence filled the air for a few minutes before Halant asked, “So, I guess that experiment was a failure?”
“Your house is gone, somepony is dead, we might die if Lilly isn’t quick enough, and who knows what the royal guard will do if we live,” Altor said. “What do you think?”
“Sounds like a success to me.”
“You’re an idiot.”
The two shared a chuckle before both falling silent.