//------------------------------//
// No Second Prances 
// Story: A Dream 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

Braeburn stepped back and glanced over his work.  After the flame-cano trip, Tin Mare needed a repaint.  He didn’t think red really suited her anyway.
At Tin Mare’s request, he’d repainted her neutral grey, the same as before.  He’d decided to omit any so-called “hashtags.”  Her painted-on face, however…  Braeburn took his time to decide.  He eventually repainted it in darker grey, but with a smile this time.  Tin Mare didn’t seem to give a shit.
Sunset walked by, glancing at the two of them.  Braeburn wasn’t sure if Valiant had left a will, and if not, then who was Tin Mare’s owner?  He could barely stand to think of her as property, but he knew others didn’t share that idea.  Twilight and her friends had been vocal about how wrong it was to use her brain for making a combat machine, but that had died down once it was demonstrated how useful and productive she was.
Sunset continued on her way, stepping into the library.  Twilight was there, writing some notes.
“I need a favor,” said Sunset.
“What is it?” Twilight asked.
“I need to go to the moon.”
Twilight frowned.  “I think Princess Luna would be the one to ask.”
“She wouldn’t like it.”
“Well then, what makes you think I would like it?”
“I didn’t think you would either, but you might feel more compassion.  After Valiant died...I...I need to finish a few things.”
Twilight stared at her.  “That doesn’t exactly help me to feel compassionate.”
Sunset tried a different tactic.  “After thinking about it, I may have figured out what Columbia is.  It was something Valiant was working on up there.”
There was a moment of silence.  “Well?”  Twilight gestured.
“You get me to the moon, and I’ll show you.”
“Sunset, you know that Valiant and I had very different ideas about how the world works.”
“You’re right.  Valiant never tried to force friendships by magically enslaving the entire population of Ponyville.”
Twilight was rapidly learning that defending herself against pointed insults was usually a losing proposition and instead powered through.  “But now that he’s gone, I’m still trying to figure out what that means for me, for Equestria, for us all.  About this trip to the moon, I’ll think about it, okay?  It would take some time to arrange anyway.”  Twilight turned her eyes back to her work.
Sunset glanced at the paper.  The title was SOS Member Interrogation.  “What’s that?”
Twilight had a sudden moment of panic.  Did she really want Sunset to know about a Valiant sympathizer group?  She blurted the first thing that came to mind.  “It’s a cake.”
Sunset’s eyebrows went up.  “A cake?”
Twilight gulped, but in a stroke of luck, Pinkie appeared just then.  “Did somepony say cake?”
“Yes!” Twilight quickly replied.  “Pinkie, we need a cake.”
“Sure, I’ll get you a cake,” said Pinkie.  “I’ve got some around here somewhere for cake emergencies.”
“No, it needs to be a special cake,” said Twilight.  “An SOS Member Interrogation Cake.”
“Oh, sure!” said Pinkie.  “I can totally make one of those.  Come to Sugarcube Corner in one hour.”
Sunset watched her leave, but by the time she had turned her head back, Twilight had hidden the paper.  Sunset stared at her for a moment, but then let the matter drop.  She walked out of the library.
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.  No way could she let Sunset join forces with Valiant idolizers.  Speaking of, the SOS member known as Awesome Sauce was still locked in the basement.
Twilight pulled out her notes again.  The SOS, as seaponies, had figured out a way to give themselves legs, though they were self-conscious about it.  That was why most of them wore long coats.  They’d taken their time, infiltrating society.  She’d had reports that some of them had even been working as doctors in the local hospital.
Spike came in with Coloratura.  “Hey Twilight, Coloratura found this weird thing.”
Coloratura showed Twilight an electronic device.  It looked incomplete, with a fray of wires going every which way.
“Throw it away,” Twilight advised.  “No telling what Valiant might have used that for.”
“I don’t think it’s his,” said Spike.  “It just showed up recently.”
“It was in my bed when I woke up this morning,” said Coloratura.  “This is getting ridiculous.  I keep finding things like this.”
“It’s also got the Hoofnmouth Industries logo on it,” Spike pointed out.
“He did buy their old building here in Ponyville, before the company moved to Las Pegasus,” said Twilight.
“Now that you mention it, he owned their new building in Las Pegasus, too,” added Spike.  “After the business mysteriously folded.”
“And then there was Fillydelphia Cybernetics, which was renamed Hoofnmouth Industries when Post Haste, the so-called Crystal King, became a silent partner in order to obtain combat robots.”
“And then he ironically named his latest shop here in Ponyville Hoofnmouth Industries, even though it was pretty much just his hangout pad.”  Spike frowned.  “Okay, yeah, so maybe this is his.  It still doesn’t feel like his, though.  He never sold any of his stuff, just made it for himself, so I wonder why it needed to have a company name on it?”
Twilight shrugged.  “I rarely say this, Spike, but: don’t know, don’t care.”
Elsewhere in Ponyville, Shining sat at the bar, glad to be out of the house for a while.  At least until he looked over and saw Skyla sitting near her father and winced in remembrance.
Guinness, ever the attentive bartender, had a solution.  He served Shining another beer.
“Thanks,” said Shining.  “Kids, am I right?”
Guinness murmured agreement.  “We do what we can.”
Shining took a sip and suddenly burst out, “Why do alicorns even exist?  Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but don’t the rules seem a little arbitrary?”
Guinness nodded.
“So that makes this SOS group even crazier for wanting to kill them.”  Shining shook his head.
“Yeah,” said Guinness.  “I threw Skyla up to a second-story window to keep her away from them.”
“You threw her?” said Shining.
“Well-”
“No, I understand.  Alicorns make ideal javelins.  They’ve got the horn at the front as an aero spike and feathers at the back for stabilization.”
Guinness looked around the bar, seeing how empty it was.  He got himself a beer and sat down next to Shining.
Meanwhile, in Milwaukee, two women and a girl stood in a small apartment bedroom.
“I don’t know what I expected,” said Cordoba softly.
“He came to Equestria and created a new life for himself,” said Trixie.  “He loved this world, but made his success in ours.”
Cordoba touched a few things, wiping away the piled up dust with her fingers.  The shock of finding herself in a new body had quickly been replaced with wonder of the world around her.  Daring, even as an explorer, was still adjusting to being bipedal.
They heard footsteps, and then the door opened to reveal a person.
“Oh, I remember you, the roommate,” said Trixie.
He stared at the three of them.  “Naked…”  He shook his head and looked away, especially from Cordoba who was clearly underage.  “I thought everything was finished with you people.”
“We’ve come seeking answers,” said Trixie.  “Perhaps you can help.  But first, I seem to recall that you were both a geologist and a discerning aesthetics snob.  Perhaps you could help us change these diamonds into local cash.”  She held up a bag of gems.
“I, uh…”  The man hesitated, but came to a decision.  “Let me make a call.  In the meantime, help yourself to the clothes.”  He closed the door.
It was difficult finding things in Valiant’s human wardrobe that fit.  There seemed to be some different sizes down near the bottom.  A few outfits were labeled with exes, “scuba ex,” “Geek Squad ex,” “jockey ex,” etc.
Cordoba found the jockey clothes fit her smaller stature, but didn’t like the look.  “That tie is classy,” she said to Trixie, who had put on the Geek Squad outfit.
Trixie smiled.  “We’ll go shopping once we get some money.”
Cordoba was happy to discover a stray eyeliner pencil and applied it as well as she could without a mirror.
A few minutes passed, and then several sets of heavy footsteps approached the door.  It was rudely jerked open to reveal several very large men.
“T-that’s them!  She’s his daughter,” said the roommate, sheltering behind them.
“Both of us are!” Cordoba retorted.
“Are you sure?  Either one of them look way too old,” one of the men asked the roommate.  
The others merely came into the room, angry and reaching out to grab the three visitors.  “Where is he?  Where’ s our money?”
Cordoba already had her cutlass out.  It fit her fingers a lot better than her hooves, she noticed.  “Me cago en tu puta madre!  Stop right there!”
In response, the men pulled out handguns.
In response, Trixie pulled out her M60.
The crowd scattered, leaving just the roommate cowering against the hallway wall.
“What’s the big idea?” Daring demanded, slapping him while Trixie and Cordoba finished securing the area.
“You don’t understand, they were bad people.  I only just finished healing up from the last beating I got because I didn’t know where my roommate was or where he kept the money he owed.”
“Well, we need to get out of here now, so I guess we’ll be taking what money you have then,” said Trixie.  “We’ll leave you a few diamonds, just in case those guys come back.  My dad had a car, right?”
“Keys are in the bowl by the door.”  He closed his eyes and shook his head.  “Just go.”
The three of them went.  The dusty Plymouth Breeze parked in the numbered spot outside sounded like it was smuggling a washing machine full of marbles when Trixie turned the key, but it ran.
“Now we just have to find Columbia and figure out the significance of the number seventy eight million fifty one thousand one hundred twenty,” said Trixie.
“How hard could it be?” said Daring.  She found an old road atlas.  “Look, there’s a place called Columbia right here in this very state.”
“But there’s also one to the south in Illinois,” said Cordoba, glancing over her shoulder.  “And a bunch of others including this one far out to the east called the District of Columbia.”
“The capital of the United States,” Daring read.  “Hmm.”
“Sounds good,” said Trixie.  “How far?”
Daring examined the map.  “Uh, maybe a thousand miles?”
“That could take awhile,” said Cordoba.  “But while we’re here, we should see everything!  Roadtrip!  Dad would have wanted it.”
Trixie nodded and looked at Daring.
“I’m game.”  Daring smiled.  “Let’s have an adventure.”
They got going, navigating roughly by the atlas.  It wasn’t good enough to show where exactly in Milwaukee they were, but they eventually stumbled upon Interstate 94 and turned south, aided by Daring’s excellent sense of direction.
“Dad mentioned Chicago once,” said Trixie, glancing at the large city to the south depicted on the map in Daring’s hands.
“I wonder if there’s any more information here,” said Daring.  She opened the glovebox, discovering a small notebook.  “It’s a list of contacts.  This could be helpful.”
“How do we reach them?” Trixie asked.
“There are little numbers on the side,” said Daring.  “None of them are seventy eight million fifty one thousand one hundred twenty, though.”
“Well, just pick one and we’ll try to find them.”
“Okay, the first one on the list,” said Daring.  “His name is John Cena.”
Back in Ponyville, Braeburn knocked on Sunset’s door.  She answered.  “What?”
“I found this thing,” said Braeburn.  He showed her a note.
“Who’s The Love Meister?” Sunset asked.  She read from the paper.  “‘Enslaving ponies with the power of love?’  Who wrote this stupid shit?  Where did you find this?”
“I was just thinking it represented a potentially new and dangerous threat to Equestria,” said Braeburn.  “And I didn’t want to stand idly by and not tell somepony.  You know, on the off chance that it could be important.”
Sunset sighed.  “Fine.  Let’s go tell Twilight and make it her problem.”
They walked over to the library and Braeburn repeated himself, showing the note to Twilight.
Twilight frowned as she read it, forgetting the lunch dishes she had been setting up.  “That’s just what we needed, another radical group.”
“What do you mean another one?” Braeburn asked.
Twilight shoved her SOS notes away.  “Nothing.”
“What’s this?” Sunset grabbed the paper with magic.
“Don’t!”  Twilight reached for it, but Sunset was too quick.  She backed up, keeping the notes out of Twilight’s reach while reading them.
“So let me get this straight, there’s a pro-Valiant group, a member of which you have locked up in your basement, and you didn’t tell me?” said Sunset.
“Can you blame me?” Twilight muttered.
“Well, I think I’m certainly going to go have a talk with her,” said Sunset.  She tossed the paper at Twilight and marched down the stairs to the basement.
“Just great,” Twilight groaned.  “The last thing Sunset needs is a personal army.  This is like Canterlot High all over again.”  She shook her head and returned to setting up the dishes, eyeing it like a laser.  “At least I have this lunch to look forward to.  You know, I think that after friendship, the greatest magic of all is proper silverware placement.” 
“What was that all about?” said Braeburn.
“Um, silverware?”
“No, before about Canterlot High.”
“Human stuff.”
“Forget I asked.”
Coloratura came into the room.  “Twilight, I’m finished recording for the day.  I closed up the studio.”
“You’re that singer, right?” said Braeburn.
Coloratura nodded and looked away.  She certainly wasn’t dressed anywhere near her normal stage presence.  What with her eyepatch and hospital stay, she didn’t even look like her casual self anymore.
“She’s been using the library to produce a new album,” said Twilight.  “It is the quietest place in Ponyville.”
Spike came in, wearing an apron and holding the lunch serving platter.  Before he could place it, however, a roar rattled the building.  Twilight rushed to the window.  “There’s a huge monster outside!”
“That sounded like a dragon!” said Spike.
“Well, I does look a little like a dragon,” Twilight allowed, looking out the window.  “Just a little.”
The creature towered over Ponyville as it stomped closer.  It hadn’t yet reached the town, but was big enough that a lot of buildings would be smashed when it did.
Spike looked out the window and gasped.  “That’s Princess Ember!  Or...it was.”
It may have been at one time.  She looked like a huge, stompy Godzilla-esqe thing had gotten only halfway through eating her in one bite.  Her top half protruded from its mouth.  Which one of them was running the show was a good question.
“Can’t you command dragons, being the Dragon Lord?” Twilight asked.
“Oh yeah,” said Spike.  He opened the window.  “Hey, stop that!”
Ember looked in his direction.  Her/it/them started stomping towards the library.
Sunset came out of the basement.  Twilight looked in her direction.  “Sunset!  We need to do something!”
Sunset glanced out the window.  “Looks like the SOS are taking advantage of the chaos to infiltrate the town.”
Twilight followed her gaze.  Sure enough, trenchcoat-wearing ponies were swarming after the monster.
“Did they create that?!” Twilight shouted.
“No.  Sauce would have told me if they did.”
“‘Sauce?’  So you’re on a casual basis with her?  Sunset, you can’t just do that!”
“And why not?” Sunset demanded.
“With their past and your past, I’m not sure they’re the best group with which you could be affiliated.”
“My past?  Twilight, go eat a dick.  You should know you can’t tell me what to do.”
“I’ll…”  Twilight remembered her legal immunity authorization.  “I’ll compel you.  You remember right after we brought you back from the human world?”  Although, it wasn’t like anyone in Equestria needed much of a get-out-of-jail free card for doing mental magic.
Still, her words gave Sunset pause.  “You’d do that to me to keep me from joining the SOS?”
“Yes, I would.”
“Well, there’s no need.  I wouldn’t even let them join me.  What a bunch of amateurs.  They’re not worthy to even speak Valiant’s name.”
Twilight let out a sigh of relief.  “For a second there, I was worried you’d make me do something I didn’t want to do.  I can’t let you turn into a tyrannical dictator.”
“You’re such a hypocrite!  If something doesn’t go your way, your first instinct shouldn’t be to magically command ponies to act the way you want them to.  All you ever do is throw magic at things, Twilight.  Even as a unicorn, I learned that sometimes spells aren’t the answer.  It took a certain earth pony to teach me that.”
Twilight sputtered.  “I don’t always do things with magic!  Just now I was setting the table by hoof so I could work in a friendship lesson for Cordoba.”
“She’s gone to Earth with Trixie and Daring,” Sunset informed her.
“Oh.”  Twilight shook her head and went on, not one to waste a friendship lesson.  “Well anyway, the lesson was that, uh... this plate represents your head, this spoon is your heart, and the knives...are sharp.”
“At least we can agree on something,” said Sunset.  “Speaking of sharp knives, what are we doing about that monster that’s getting closer?”
Twilight blinked.  “Oh, um…”
Sunset sighed.  “Tin Mare, engage.”
Of course the library was wired.  Tin Mare received the order.  “I calculate that I am not carrying sufficient ordnance.  Even 30mm would likely not do more than annoy a monster of that size.”
“Then engage the SOS.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
They heard the gatling cannon begin to spit fire.  Tin Mare swooped low, her painted-on face smiling impassively as she gunned down crowds of SOS ponies.
Twilight watched the massacre outside and swallowed soberly.  At least now she believed Sunset was not going to team up with a Valiant cult.  Sunset may have said she scorned the SOS, but her actions spoke even louder.
“We’re going to have to come up with a new plan for the, um...thing,” said Spike.  He had retrieved his bloodstone sceptre.
“We’re going to have to lead it out of town,” said Twilight.  She paused, glancing at Sunset.
Whether Twilight was seeking Sunset’s approval or not, Sunset nodded.  “Let’s go.”
Across town at The Half Pint, Guinness asked, “Are you...going to do something about that?”
Shining glanced out the window and then finished his beer.  “One monster?  Nah.  My sister and her friends will take care of it.”
“Yay!” interjected Skyla.
Left alone back at the library, Braeburn and Coloratura had wandered outside.  If they were going to get stomped by a giant monster, maybe they would have a better chance of avoiding it if they weren’t inside a building.
Braeburn watched the one-mare airshow (mareshow?) as Tin Mare swooped and circled, emptying her magazine.  Coloratura stood next to him, her eye wide and horrified.
“I never thought I would get used to this, but I still can’t believe that I’m feeling so numb about bloodshed lately,” Braeburn muttered.
“I can’t imagine,” Coloratura stuttered.  “Does it...come as part of being a robot?”
“Cyborg,” Braeburn corrected, wishing he didn’t have to.  “And no.  It comes as long term exposure to insane stuff like this.”
“Good.  I was hoping that it wasn’t going to happen to me if somepony was trying to turn me into a cyborg.”  She glanced at Braeburn.  N-not that it’s a bad thing-”
“It’s a bad thing,” he interrupted.  “And what?  Who’s trying to turn you into a cyborg?”
“I don’t know.  Maybe that’s not even it.  I just keep finding bits of electronics around.  Sometimes even in my eye.”  She touched her eyepatch.
Braeburn pondered it.  “Applejack’s your manager, right?  I think we should get you some security.  I don’t know what’s going on, but it can’t be anything good.”
At the outskirts of Ponyville, once Twilight called on her friends, they were easily able to distract the monster and get it headed in a different direction.  Rainbow Dash flying around its face would do that.  She didn’t even have to be careful, able to shift into a dragon form herself.  The other five, plus Spike and Sunset, kept the party moving out of town.
Speaking of parties, Pinkie asked, “Are we still going to eat this SOS Member Interrogation Cake?”
Back at the library, the meal Twilight had organized fell flat.  She hadn’t been setting the table fancily and Spike hadn’t been making lunch for no reason.  
Twilight had intended it as a lesson for Cordoba, but with Cordoba gone and Twilight fighting a monster, the other guests showed up to an empty building.
Princess Celestia sat around the table with Cranky Doodle Donkey, DJ-Pon3, and Derpy.
Awkwardness ensued.  Heck, awkwardness abounded.
“Hey, how do you get your hair to do that all the time?” said Cranky, breaking the silence.  “I heard it was just a removable wig with a magic charm.”
“If you’d like to try it,” Celestia offered.
And then, Cranky was fabulous.


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