. Anyway, I was now quite interested in their little picnic. Twilight, however, looked nervous."So...How did this happen, exactly?" Celestia asked for the umpteenth time, confusion written all over her features.
"Discord merged our minds and bodies with the pony least like ourselves," said Rarijack, raising her hoof to her forehead dramatically. Suddenly, she slammed the hoof against the floor. "Ah reckon he did this on purpose!"
Oh, please do excuse my laughter. In spite of the current situation, it still cracks me up hearing that southern drawl coming from a mare with Rarity's voice. I should probably explain what's going on, no? Well it was just an average day for me in my little chaos dimension. By average, I mean very boring. I'd finally run out of new episodes to watch and fanfics to read. I must say, you humans do write the most intriguing stories. One of my favorites would have to be Cupcakes.
Anyway, i'm going off topic here. I decided to find the ponies you humans call the 'Mane 6'. Those mares seem to cause chaos wherever they go, be it parasprites or changelings. When I found them, however, I was sorely disappointed. They were just peacefully sitting on a hill having a picnic. Can you believe my luck!? Of all the days they could have been boring, they had to choose today! Nevertheless, I decided i'd just be a good friend and say hello. As usual, I used the most dramatic entrance possible and teleported right into the middle of their picnic. I couldn't help but giggle at the way they jumped back in shock. Well, all except for the pink menace known as Pinkie Pie.
"Hey, Discord!" she greeted me by hugging me so hard I feared my bones would crack. I tried to say something, but I just couldn't. I don't understand how people find this amusing. Finally, I was saved by Rarity.
"Pinkie, darling, don't you think you should let him breathe?" Pinkie let go of me and smiled sheepishly. Ah, precious oxygen, how I missed you.
"So, what are you six up to this time?" I asked, hoping they were planning something exciting. I was sorely disappointed when Twilight confirmed they were just having a picnic. I turned to leave, but Pinkie's face suddenly lit up like a light bulb.
"Hey Twilight, why don't you show him that new spell you learned?" she tackled the lavender unicorn to the ground. I am fully aware of how much you humans despise the Lavender Unicorn Syndrome so that was no accident . Anyway, I was now quite interested in their little picnic. Twilight, however, looked nervous.
"Well...Discord is basically a manifestation of chaos magic, and i'm not sure how my spell will react to it," she started backing away slowly. I must say, i was offended by that.
"I'll have you know that my magic is safely contained inside my body!"
"Okay...I'll do it!" As she started charging her horn, I realized I wasn't entirely sure about my last statement. My magic was so random, even I didn't understand how it works. I braced for impact as a large explosion of light erupted from Twilight's horn. When I opened them I saw that I had accidentally cast the one spell I really should not have. I had created it when I was very young during the draconequus wars to reflect any spells used on me back onto the caster. I had no idea what it would do with anything other than chaos magic. I found out when I looked up.
Rather than the six ponies I was talking to just moments ago, there were three, and none of them looked familiar! One was purple with a messy rainbow mane, the second was yellow with a curly, out of control pink mane, and the third was white with a blond mane wearing a hat.
I only recognized them when i saw their cutie marks. A rainbow starburst with a cloudy outline, a trio of balloon animals, and an apple made of diamonds respectively. I couldn't contain my laughter.
"What happened?" Twidash asked as she got to her hooves. Yes, I did that on purpose. She looked a the the others before looking at herself. She let out an earsplitting shriek, fell backwards and started grabbing at her mane. She closed her eyes in concentration, presumably to perform a spell. It didn't work out very well; she was no longer a unicorn. Since i've already started this, i'll just call them all ship names. Rarijack was a unicorn and Flutterpie was a pegasus. "What did you do!?" she demanded as the others tried to stand up, each having a similar reaction.
"Well...I may have accidentally cast a spell I wasn't supposed to." I started backing away when I saw the angry looks on their faces. Suddenly, Twilight's usual calm demeanor was replaced by rage as she suddenly charged forward to attack me.
"What'd you to to us!?" she exclaimed before falling face first into the ground as Twilight's personality took over again. The others were having similar problems and were talking to themselves. Gimme a second i'm sure there's a reference I can make somewhere. Oh forget it. I'm short on time right now. They'll surely notice me sitting in the corner speaking through a tear in the fabric of reality.
"I may have cast a spell I really shouldn't have. It was supposed to reflect any spells aimed at me back onto the caster, but it's never been used against anything other than chaos magic. I can tell you this was not supposed to happen, though," I explained.
"I say we go straight to Celestia 'bout this. Surely she knows how to fix this," Rarijack said in a southern drawl. Oh that was one of the funniest things I had seen in years, mostly because she had Rarity's voice. I knew if Celestia found out i'd be in trouble. I was just about to accept my fate of being a lawn ornament for all of eternity, when Flutterpie leaped into the air.
"This will be so much fun! I've never been so exited, well apart from the time I saw you walking into Ponyville and-" I shut her up by covering her mouth with a claw.
"The script from episode one?" I asked, to which she nodded. As soon as I let go, she disappeared into Ponyville in a blur of pink. I felt a hoof tap me on the shoulder and turned around.
"What's the script from episode one?" asked Rarijack.
"If I told you, it'd be so reality shattering that you'd go into a coma." And so we began our search for Flutterpie.
Our first stop was Fluttershy's house. When we got there, we knew something was off. The animals were all cowering in fear and most of them were wearing party hats. Cautiously, we opened the door and saw Angel Bunny tied to a chair with rope, and cake with the words 'Happy Birthday Angel' written in icing. I laughed so hard my head fell off. Literally. Twidash and Rarijack rushed over to the chair to help Angel, or should I say Demon, escape from the chair. As I reattached my head, I admit some part of me was sad to see the fiend go free. Shockingly, a small part of my arm split away from the rest of me and formed its own body.
"I'm honestly sad to see that monster go free," it said before it turned to dust at my feet. I looked up and was greeted by the unamused expressions of both mares.
"I didn't do that on purpose. I swear!" I materialized a broom out of thin air and started cleaning up the remains of my double. When I was done, I conjured up a magical trash can and threw it all in. Even i'm not sure where the contents of that bin goes.
Somewhere in Tartarus, in a very lonely cell, sat Lord Tirek, buried up to the neck with all kinds of rubbish. There was a strange warping sound as a trash can appeared directly over his head. Tirek was not amused as it emptied a large amount of sand over his head.
"Discord!" he bellowed.
Ah, i've just read the story and that is not what I expected. Anyway, once we were done getting all the animals unstuck from various pieces of furniture, we decided that Flutterpie could be at Sugarcube Corner. The mares got a lot of stares as we made our way across town. It's understandable. You don't see two strange looking mares and a draconequus marching through town every other day. We were shocked to see a rather traumatized Mr. Cake behind the counter surrounded by a dozen half eaten cakes.
"Mr. Cake? What happened here!?" Twidash asked, concern in her voice.
"What happened here!? This weird yellow mare with pink hair came charging in here, took a few bites out of a cake, apologized, then repeated the process for the rest of them!" Mr. Cake was shaking now, as if the horrid memory alone could be lethal.
"That's her, alright," said Rarijack. We climbed the stairs as fast as possible and found all of Pinkie's pictures replaced by pictures of Fluttershy's animals at what was apparently Angel's birthday party. None of them looked happy.
"Okay, we need to stop her before she turns all of Ponyville into an animal party," I declared. For the next few hours we followed the trail of mayhem until we reached the train station.
"There!" Twidash pointed to the train. Sure enough, Flutterpie was looking out the window at us and waving. We tried to push through the crowd, but the train had already left. I was about to give up and leave Equestria to its fate. Maybe i'd move to Middle Earth. I would have loved to see Gandalf's reaction to me throwing pies at his face. I almost departed for my new home when a loud screech filled the air and my body shattered. A double of me was putting me back together like a jigsaw puzzle when I saw the source of the noise. A long train made out of crystals. I got to my feet as Cadence stepped out of the train. Once we told her the situation, she simply shrugged.
"You can use my train. I'm just here to see Twilight." I grimaced at that. We thanked her and soon, we were on the way to Canterlot.
If anyone ever asks me to get on a train ever again, i'm going to decline. It was just too boring. So mush so, in fact, that as soon as the doors opened I rolled my tongue out like a red carpet and marched out of the train between blasts of confetti that seemed to come from nowhere.
We searched for hours. By the time we found her, it was night. Rarijack spotted her entering a dark alleyway and we followed. Unfortunately, we ran head first into the one pony I wanted to avoid: Celestia. Flutterpie was standing beside her with a large grin on her face.
"Guys, I found Celestia," she said and I facehoofed. I nervously looked the princess in the eye and she glared back at me.
And that's pretty much how we got here. The mares are explaining how this happened, and i'm ready to face my impending doom.
"Discord!" Celestia calls. "As I understand it, you couldn't control your own magic and Twilight's spell reacted with your chaos magic to merge them into the ponies standing before me now."
"Yes. I suppose my chaos magic it too chaotic even for me."
"Then there is only one solution." Oh, here comes the doom. Goodbye, freedom. Hello, lawn ornament. If you're reading this, writer, now's as good a time as any to get me out of here for plot convenience.
Fine.
Oh thank you! I don't think my sanity will last another thousand years of being a statue!
Don't thank me yet
.
What are you-
"The only way you'll ever control it is to be less random!"
Wait, What are you-
You asked for it
I hate you so much right now.
A few years later, an earth pony mare was working on a rock farm. Her parents had been informed by Princess Celestia herself what had to happen.
"Maudcord! Time for dinner!" came the voice of Igneous Rock Pie. The mare walked over to the house, all the while thinking of new poetry, for example:
Rock.
You are a rock.
Gray.
You are gray.
Like a rock.
Which you are.
Rock.
