//------------------------------// // Odd Delusion // Story: Earning Freedom // by Daxisle //------------------------------// Odd Delusion Dreams. Funny thing dreams were. Some theorized dreams to be the subconscious mind's attempt to force the concious mind to come to grips with some repressed memory or traumatic event, others believed dreams were manifestations of the mind's eye. Showing the brain organizing it's own thoughts and memories from the day or two before, emphasizing the memories that caused severe emotional responses and impressions, and forced the sufferer to relive the events... And some believed... they were gate ways to alternative dimensions, showing what was possible outside of the world of logic and reason. With Sin's current dreaming, he was inclined to think that the last theory was the most accurate. He'd had nonsensical dreams before, dreams that were like a picture show movie, but instead of it being a continuing sequence of events all linked together in a coherent manner, the movie was "cut up" at five second intervals and randomly scattered about, leading to a sense of disconnect from reality and reason. It was a mental torture unlike anything the Federalist had ever experienced. It wasn't horrifying, nor terrifying nor did it elect any sense of fear. It was disturbia, a disruption of the sequence of logical events that brought forth the worst sort of irritation that made him wish for the Reaper's spine chilling sight. Nightmares, for all of their disturbance, were at least coherent and offered some form of rationality and predictability. The worst he could think of that could even come close to this was a continuous "waking up" and thinking himself safe, only to see something horrifying again and bolting awake again, for no other purpouse than to lull him into a false sense of security for yet another disturbing image. As he'd thought before, though, this was different. The land scape around him continually changed between the white mountains of his home to the gentle greens of a field he did not know. Instead of his conscious mind muddling itself between realizing the dream and living in it, he was merely a casual observer, knowing the terrain around him would change between a harsh blizzard and soft summer. He was confused by the event but not to the point of irritation. Instead of confounding the presence within his mind for her tampering of his peace, the stallion felt an odd sense of ease at the sight, even a little amused. Though, he did soon grow bored with the events and, with power he hadn't realized until then, willed the dreamscape away, leaving not but the eternal void of the white room. "Well, this is inconvenient." Sin stated to himself. He knew how he'd gotten here, and he was a little thankful for Krystal for doing it. His only reservation was the hopes that she and Scootaloo were alright. Cyan seemed like an alright type, one of the few decent business ponies he'd ever met. He flirted with Krystal alot, but that was to be expected, she was an attractive mare after all, and it wasn't like he'd... yea. "You always did have a problem with the fillies, Sinbad." Came a slightly nasaly but sophisticated voice from behind. Had it been under any, any other circumstance, Sin would have jutted around in disbelieving shock in response to a voice he had not heard in years. A voice to a pony he knew long gone, a life taken of his own volition and choosing. Slowly, a dull red unicorn stallion stepped beside him, his expression was that of a pony who'd worked too hard for too long in spite of his youth. Brilliant grey eyes that had long since lost their luster, a spirit crush and grinded against the harsh whetstone that was the experience called life. "You're one to talk, Crasus." Sin remarked casually, as if the meeting was not between a shadow of a dead friend, but a chance encounter after a week of absense. "Fair enough." Crasus replied, taking a seat and joining the oaken pegasus in his staring into the white plain. Neither spoke for a time, both just enjoying the silent stillness of their existance. Crasus Glass, a pony Sin had met during his first year of high school was the second and only friend Sin had back in the Federation aside from Zell. Yet, the two unicorn ponies were different in every way. Zell held an appreciation and love of life, while Crasus held not but contempt for it. Zell thrived on emotion and attempting to uplift others at any chance he got, while Crasus remained cynical and grounded in the darker parts of reality. He wasn't a complete nihilist, the stallion had confessed to Sin that he wished to be happy, that he wished to find something fun that would make him feel alive and would make the pains of life worth the torment and suffering it had put him through on a daily basis. Alas, be it his cynical youth catching up to him, or his inability to fight it, it was his inability to sate this urge that ultimately lead to his self imposed demise. Whilst part of Sin loved Zell for his upbeat personality and buffoonish behavior, the stallion respected Crasus as one of the few ponies in school who he thought rivaled him in intelligence. Granted, most of their talks centered around the hatred of sentient beings for their inability, hypocrisy and fakeness, as well as the lack of need for emotion in the dark, cold and cruel world that laid beyond the sheltered halls of their alleged "education system". Mocking the ponies around them and taking smug satisfaction the suffering their idiocy and hope would endure when the real world came to crush their spirits like it had their own. Though, one thing both Crasus and Zell had in common was their belief in the necessity of a state. Unlike the latter, whom Sin could easily confuse with abstract concepts and four sylabol words, the former could easily match his rigor and counter him in the arena of debate in a way nobody else could. Crasus had often called Sin out on matters of intellectual dishonesty, giving words to the concept the Federalist had struggled to voice for years. Crasus was also one of the few ponies that Sin was ever afraid of, that had ever made him feel like an intellectual inferior. Of course, it was that fear and resentment that drew the oaken pony to the unicorn. He knew there was much to be learned and gained from him, and while he couldn't explain everything Crasus had taught him, Sinbad knew that he wouldn't have the mind he had today had it not been for the challenge that the pale red stallion had given him. "Heard you had a marefriend." Crasus said casually. "Had being the operative word." Sin countered, matching his friend in tone. The dim red pony gave Sin a side long smirk, a small curve of the lip Sin had given to anyone who amused him. He wasn't sure which one of them had done it first, but the smirk was a type of inside expression between the two, a show of understanding and respect. "Fair enough. So, I'm guessing you didn't get laid." Sin turned his head, giving a flat stare to his companion. It was a little hypocrisy on his part, but Crasus did have a small side to him that loved to gossip, especially about sexual endeavors. "It was just a joke, dude." Crasus dismissed. Dude... another thing Crasus had said that rubbed off on Sin. "Why are you here, Crasus?" Sin asked. The dim stallion shrugged. "Fuck if I know, it's your mind." Sin took a moment to think the answer over. "Fair enough." Another round of silence, both ponies looking forwards again. Though, Sin knew his friend, and if he made the first move, the unicorn would just string him on and on in a guessing game he'd rather not play right now. "I guess that's all the prying you're going to do, isn't it?" Sin turned and smirked at his friend. "Only way to get you to talk is to act disinterested. You never could stand being dismissed." Crasus chuckled lightly, his face holding it's small sense of comedy for only a moment before darkening to grim reluctance. "You've accepted you're emotions, haven't you?" "Yes and no." Said Sin, his tone expressing the clear weight and nuance associated. "And have you gained anything of substance from this?" The dream asked. Sin pressed his lips. He could argue either way of yes or no, but to do so against the stallion beside him was a dangerous gamble without intellectual honesty and data to back up his claim. Crasus didn't pull punches, and even when the truth was known and universal, he'd hound anyone for details and consistency if he smelt even a wiff of uncertainty. "I've taken too long to answer, so either way you'll argue me." It was a non-answer, but it was the best he could come up with. As expected, the unicorn didn't take the answer for anything less than what it was and lightly demanded Sin give him a real one. "I believe I have?" Sin stated assuredly. "Honestly, I have no clue." "No clue, huh?" Crasus asked skeptically. "Well, let's think about this logically then. Where do you want to go?" Sin quirked a brow of inquiry while his friend quirked one of amusement, another habit he'd picked up, or had given. "To go?" The unicorn nodded wearily. "What do you want to have and where do you plan to be in ten years?" The pegasus humped and shrugged, he hadn't given the matter much thought, and no matter what his friend would say, nor how he rephrased the question, the answer did not change. The dream was surprised to hear this, mentioning how Sin was never one to act on a whim without a larger end goal in mind. "Dead or in Equestria, I guess." Crasus tilted his head "You wish to be dead or in Equestria in ten years?" "No, I figured that's where I'd likely end up." Crasus shook his head with a light chuckle that sounded both forced and sincere. He turned the conversation onto a few other things that Sin would imagine the dark pony would say and how he would react. He wasn't mocking about the experiences Sin had gone through, the unicorn and pegasus had too much respect between them for their words to devolve to petty insults, but Crasus did show disapproval for many choices in Sin's life, mainly how often he'd given of himself in order to protect others. From his time inducted in Triple M. to the Federal Senate, assisting shakily founded criminals from escaping prison, traveling about with Spike and Macintosh, befriending and becoming vulnerable with Uppity, to all political favors on behalf of Celestia. "For someone who claims to be an anarchist individualist, you've become quite the lap dog to others." Crasus finished. Sin wasn't going to deny the small sting his friend's word broguht. Compared to the colt and young stallion Sin was back home, his associate was right on the bills to criticize him. "Ponies change over time, I guess." Crasus chuckled and shook his head. "So, I take it you've left the sheep to their own devices back in the Federation, then?" The red stallion asked. Sin groaned, here we go. "Yes, my friend, you were right, you were always right about them." Crasus smiled smugly. "I know I was, and you were too, why you decided to go against what we both knew to be true and try anyway, I'll never understand." His words were hauty and smug, but he had every right to it. How many times had the two spoken about how the majority in the Federation were nothing more than common sheep? Incapable of seeing or acting for longer term consequences? Unable or apathetic to the growing economic threat that loomed over them? How many times had this been affirmed and reaffirmed any time they'd venture out into Northwood or Unitas and just watch the citizens scuttle about, whining their songs of complaint and never doing anything to fix their little problems? "Because I wanted to at least try. I wanted to do everything I could to at least fight what was coming, what's almost here." Sin said solumnly. "And it all counted for nothing, just like I told you it would." Crasus declared with finality. "Now that my ego is appeased, back to what's important. You've got no clue where you're going to be in ten years, do you? No aspirations or goals or anything." Sin shook his head. "I suppose I don't." Crasus narrowed his eyes. One thing about the stallion was his hatred for the lack of efficiency or purpose in things. It had been a major point of contest between the two, one respecting the other's opinions of course, but still a sever disagreement. Purpose, after all, was something assigned, not something inherent. Crasus thought differently, that in order for something to exist, a purpose must be given to it. Asthetical pleasures like arts and crafts without utility, in his mind, were one of the greatest of wastes the world had to offer. So to was a pony who had no goals or reason... This fact only made what he said next, as well as his own death, a tragic sort of ironic. "How disappointing, and I had such high hopes for you." The dim red pony said standing, the tone of the conversation shifting dramatically, it was not what he wanted to hear and his tone of voice made it clear that he held angry disapproval. The act gave Sin a shot of urgency and he turned to call out to Crasus as he ventured into the white expanse. "You've got some choices to make, Sinbad." The unicorn declared halting his steps and turning a little, a brilliant grey eye giving the stallion a serious, side long glance. "You've sacrificed many a pony to get where you are now. You've forsaken that oaf Zell, cast away Windmane to whatever your brother will do to him, abandoned me-" A hot spike of indignation shot through him and Sin was unable to stop the words that flew from his mouth. "You killed yourself, do not blame me for the choices you made." The mask of impassive fact grew dark and menacing, Crasus turned to face his friend full stop. "And you walked away after I told you I'd do it." Sin felt the guilt well up inside, but the better part of himself stood his ground, condemning the unicorn for trying to guilt him for the decisions he had made. What could he have done? Crasus was a miserable excuse of a pony, intelligent, but miserable. What was he supposed to say? 'Oh don't give up? Keep waking up and maybe you'll find what you're looking for? It's always darkest just before the dawn? How many cliches would he have to have uttered only to prolong his friend's suffering? "So, you're still going to justify your lack of action, then? I suppose that lines up with your views of non-aggression, doesn't it?" Crasus spat venomously. "And what would you have had me do? You hated life, you hated living! You hated everything! Ever since I'd met you, any time you opened your mouth, you never had anything positive or constructive to say. It was all 'everything sucks', 'that's stupid' or my personal favorite 'you're a Tapio damned retard'." Sin shot back with growing anger. "So spare me your moral indignation, your dying was the best thing that could have happened to you and we both know it." A deep, tense silence past as the two ponies stared each other down. Sin meant it, he meant every single word he'd said. Crasus was a cynic, a true cynic. A hateful, contemptuous pony who created nothing and accomplished nothing. All because nothing gave him reason nor pleasure, nothing in the world made him feel alive, nor reprieve from the stone of life that continuously grind away at his will and resolve. Others tried to help, Zell had tried to do for Crasus what he'd done for Sin, but the bright unicorn's efforts were wasted. Crasus was too far gone, the spark in his eye extinguished beyond re-ignition. He was a dead pony walking, waiting for the day he'd finally be buried. And Sin knew it. Though, what came next wasn't something he'd expected, let alone defend against. "Luckily for you, Macintosh and Zell didn't feel the same." Crasus growled, making Sin shake with rage. "Nor the two you have with you now. You condemn me as a lost cause, as you surround yourself with ponies who care about you and keep you sane." Unable to defend this on a logical level, Sin took the emotional approach. "Yea, do you know why, Crasus? Because, unlike you, I attempt to let them. I attempt to improve their moods and their lively hoods, I don't spend all of my time fucking looking for the worst in the world!" "Since when?" Crasus demanded. "Since when did you give a husky fuck about the good in the world? Since when did you care to see the lighter side of things? To care about the pathetic life forms who forgo reality for the sake of happiness? Since when did a wolf wish to walk amongst the sheep he'd hated so much?" Sin pressed his lips, the answer formed as quickly as his friend had spoken his first words. "When I didn't want to be like you anymore." In a low tone of absolution. "When I realized that misery and anger wasn't the only things this world had to offer. When I discovered real, honest ponies in the world, ponies better than myself. Ponies I was willing to serve and protect." Crasus' eyes narrowed. "Not the same way you wanted to serve and protect Zell, I hope." The Sin's gritted teeth only fuled his venom. "He was better than you too, you know." "He was better than both of us." Sin shot back. "As is Macintosh and Spike. We're both cynical little ass holes who'd be better off dead than in either of thier lives, and I'm glad they'll never have their lives tainted by someone like you!" Before he could even register the act, a dim red blur charged forward and tackled the brown pegasus onto his back, a pair of grey eyes glaring down at him. "You bastard!" The unicorn snapped, struggling to keep his place. "You abandon me, and then you have the balls to tell me I'm a blight!?" "YES!" Sin shouted back, lifting his hindleg between the two and kicking his old associate off. "You're a hypocrite of the worst kind, Crasus. You complained about the bitching and moaning of others when that's all you ever did!" "Graa!" The unicorn pounced again, but Sin was ready this time and intercepted the pony, pivoting his hips on instinct and throwing the unicorn onto the blank white ground. "I complained because I felt nothing else!" He cried, charging again, faking left and catching Sin as the dodged right, wrestling the stallion to the ground. "I tried to find something, but I couldn't! You know that!" On his back, Sin violently pivoted his hips, pinched Crasus' fetlock between his upper foreleg and barrel, and twisted his body to roll upon the pinched apendage, bending the unicorn down to his side and in another twist of the body, forced himself on top again. "Because you were too focused on misery and seeing the worst, you fuckwit! Like that was all there was in the world!" "BECAUSE THAT'S ALL THERE WAS IN THE FEDERATION!" Crasus shouted back, struggling to get up, but it was no use. Sin had his body locked in place, compliments of the non-lethal training he had from Triple M. "You only found happiness because you left the Federation! I never got that chance!" "BULL SHIT!" Sin shouted, silencing the resistance. "You could have left as easily as I had, and the only difference between us in that regard is that I failed in killing myself!" That got a new response, a response Sin had never seen from his friend before, neither the real dead, nor the dream living. It was a glare, a glare of equal parts revulsion, begrudged acceptance and accusation. "Maybe you're right about that, Sinbad. But unlike them, I know you. I know who you really are, where your mind really aligns... They will never accept you as you really are, and that's why you will never become vulnerable. This little facade of yours wont last forever, and when the truth does come out, the truth of the sick and twisted psychopath you really are, do you think any one of them will have anything but contempt for you?" There was only one answer to that, Sin knew that there was... it was the reason he didn't like being emotionally vulnerable to Life Worshipers, despite the majority of good ponies being as such. Even from his place on the ground, the smirk Crasus gave was as superior and smug as if he was the one holding Sin asunder. "Deny it if you want, but the way we're alike is more important than the difference, isn't it?" He leaned forwards, his dim red ears pinned to the back of his head, giving him the appearance of defensive cat. Venomously, he whispered: "We're both dead ponies where it matters, you just haven't been buried yet." "I've changed from who I was in-" Crasus laughed, a mocking and disturbing laugh that had no place in humor but the darkest and most morbid comedy. "He's changed, he says. Then tell me, 'changed pony' why do you still get a joy out of killing others?" Sin did not answer. "You still hunt and kill for the same reasons now that you did then, to protect others. That hasn't changed. You partook in a government structure in Ponyville to make life better for others, just like you had in the Federation. That hasn't changed. You deny closer friendships, offering only material provision and lectures, That hasn't changed. So, tell me, what has changed?" His stoic face slowly turned into a small smirk, Sin answered: "Just as you've said, Crasus, I care about others, now." What he'd expected to be the armor piercing reply to end this conflict only served to confound and irritated the pegasus more. Crasus didn't stare in blank silence, but let out another raging, mirthful laugh. "Do you? Then why did it take you so long to ask Luna for help in eliminating the Trotski or protecting Macintosh? Fuck, it took the Critic telling you to do it before you finally had." That was a bad wound to touch, but that's exactly what the unicorn was counting on. His burning eyes and knowing grin made that obvious. "He lives now because of luck, because of a pair of voices in your own head who made a plan that you had not." His head lifted a little more, moving next to Sin's ear. "Just like you hadn't thought of a way to save Zell." The words sent Sin into a momentary sake of shock, a split second of being caught off guard to hear something so cruelly, almost pleasurably whispered. That split second cost him his advantage, and he found himself flung away from the the unicorn. "You keep trying to turn this on me, so you don't have to look at yourself and your own lack of consistency and truth." Crasus declared, now standing upright. "You knew that walking away from me was wrong, but then justify it as part of your little non-aggression principal. Zell, a stallion who risked life and limb for you, was killed because you had to stick to your morals and values, we're dead because you didn't do what was right." A wave of guilt washed over Sin like a tsunami. The words made him feel fatiged and warry, and his will to continue the physcial wrestling match was lost with the objective facts as they were. Crasus and Zell were dead because of his decisions, granted it wasn't just his choices that lead to their deaths, but- "NO! Stop justifying what you did!" Crasus bellowed, reading Sin's thoughts. "You're such a proponent of consequentialism, right? Well, the consequences of your actions and lack of actions has lead to this. You can say it was my decision to kill myself, or Zell's decision not to run away, but you could have protected us. You could have come back and stopped me, or physically gone to Northwood where Zell was and physically stopped the mercenaries from killing him! But you didn't, you placed more value on your political actions and principals over the lives of your friends. You abandoned us when it counted, when we needed you the most. You're the miserable excuse of a pony. You're the wretch who works off of his own twisted form of logic to suit his own needs and agenda. You're the one willing to sacrifice the lives of others for personal gain!" As he lay there, hearing the truths he could not deny, Sin felt himself grow slightly cold. It was impossible, impossible to explain how a mix of libertarian, consequentialism, and change could be made into a coherent argument. If he argued on the basis of change, he'd be called inconsistent and chastised for mistakes counter to the change. If he argued on the basis of consistence, it would only be smacked down by his own failures as a result of that consistency. The same with the individual choice and life worship, granting Crasus self determined suicide, and protecting his life from that same self choice. There was no winning here... And there was only one thing he could say to such an impossible situation. "I guess you're right." Crasus scoffed and turned away. "I know I am. Just like I know that, when it counts, you'll abandon Krystal and Scootaloo, because that's just the kind of stallion you are." he declared in victory. Faint clops echoed about, announcing the stallion's departure, leaving Sin to his thoughts. He wasn't angry nor depressed, nor full of despair and hopelessness. The dark brown coated pegasus didn't feel any emotion as he lay there on the ground of the silent white expanse around him. The only thing Sin felt in that moment was tired, tired and introspective. Consistency... it had been something that plagued Sin's mind ever since he'd met Macintosh and Spike over a year ago. He'd never had traveling companions before, aside from a brief week or so with Star Shade once he'd gotten him out of that tower prison. Sin always considered himself the type who didn't need others, who couldn't need others. That such a notion of reliance was a type of weakness to be exploited or a crutch to make up for incapability that needed to be snuffed out. And yet, when he tried to handle everything himself, neither of them would let him. Macintosh didn't even bother to ask if Sin wanted his help or not. After a few days of Sin doing everything, the red pony just up and set up the rigs to collect water, same with Spike gathering firewood and getting a flame going. This bothered Sin at first, those two doing something that saw to his needs instead of doing it himself, but what really bothered him was how okay he was with it after a while. He didn't feel betrayed, he didn't feel like a leech or like they were insulting him by doing things on their own for his benifit... all he felt was a small sense of pride and resigned gratitude. It, in and of itself, was a huge contradiction to his core principal of self sufficiency, the principal that took exception once Scootaloo and Krystal had infringed on it the same way that Macintosh and Spike had. He'd never say it out loud, and his mind would rally to all justification when it he felt the words needed to be said, but it hurt to know that he relied on Scootaloo and Krystal in the ways that he had. Of course he'd done more for them than they had for him, but that was just another justification, yet a secondary idea to protect the ego and pride the pony had for himself that in no way negated the fact for what it was. And then there was the contradiction of his consistency in allowing others to suffer for their idiocy while simultaneously discouraging any meaningful action from being taken by those willing as "a waste of time". It was a small itch that nagged at his ear ever since he'd told Macintosh to abandon his mission against the communists out loud. Wasn't that how stuff like this usually started? Small groups rallying and pro-porting their entitled ideas to the state and condemning conditions as "oppressive"? Then why had he condemned Mac's actions, when it was those kinds of actions needed to make better change or stop bad change? That wasn't consistent at all. Yea, his life was at risk, but inaction also risked the commies gaining more power... So what was the right thing to do? What decision aligned more with his principals and ideology? Before, he'd chosen the risk of losing a friend to uphold principal, but that day, he'd chosen the friend over the principal... Which was right? With a sigh, the stallion closed his eyes, taking no notice of the creeping blackness that consumed the white void around him. Right and wrong, as if these things had any objective or true meaning to them outside of one individuals own perceptions. Sin had held to the idea that principals and values surpassed life in importance. That the phrase "dying for ideas" was one of the greatest truths he knew. It was in that belief that he did away with the conflict of such things by placing a value on it before it became an issue solving all dilemmas and black mail of any kind. It was a common enough occurrence, he was warned about prior to entering the Senate, a threat he'd never dreamed would come from his own family though. It was this fundamental tenate to his mind that lead him to sacrifice Zell, and to show Gemini that Sin would not be bent by threats of the killing of his friends. Was he wrong for doing that? Was he right for holding to the principals he'd run on to his constituents? He liked to think the latter, mainly because if he was an onlooker, he'd have condemned himself for bending to threats of violence... One life wasn't worth becoming a liar and a charleton... But now, reflecting on everything, on the loss, the anger, the suffering, he wasn't sure anymore. "Fuck me." Sin said with an audiable sigh. 'Woah, didn't know you felt that way.' Sin's eyes burst open to see the smiling face of Critic staring down at him. 'You alright? Crasus gave you one hell of a tongue lashing.' He said, his mouth never once moving like it never had. With a sigh, the stallion pushed himself up and observed the stallion for a moment. "Yea, just... figuring stuff out. Hey, do you know what's going on?" 'You mean the lack a nightmare? You've got Krystal to thank for that, the Nightmare's in her hold right now. Usually she can't stand it in there, but she can't get deep enough into it now.' Critic replied with a chuckle. Sin shuddered. The Alicorn of Insanity couldn't get deep enough inside him, that was just all kinds of wrong. 'Sicko.' Critic jabbed playfully. Sin looked past the stallion and observed the Kid, who was laying down, curled up into a small ball on the ground, a dumb and oblivious smile upon his face. "What's up with him?" Critic looked back and smiled. "He's happy." Stunned by the statement, Sin asked what Critic had meant by that. The abstract lead the stallion over the colt and pointed. 'He gets like this whenever you're getting affection. When Krystal started Singing you to sleep, he became really dopey and acted kinda love drunk. When you passed out, so did he. Been like this ever since.' Sin frowned and looked over the fallen colt with a scrutinizing gaze, half tempted to kick him awake for no reason. He didn't like seeing the colt so peaceful and content, he had no idea why, but it just irritated him for some reason. "I guess that's good." 'Better than you know.' Critic replied, staring down at the child with small affection. 'You have no idea how happy it makes me to see this, Sin. He hasn't been this way since you were with Uppity, it finally feels like we're going in the right direction again.' Sin nodded, regarding the colt contemptuously. "If you say so, Critic." 'He was trying to help, you know.' Critic whispered, a small tone Sin could never recall him using before. 'You've put so much expectation on yourself, and then have to go against that expectation to find happiness. The contradiction never ends.' Sin knew that, it was just he never wanted to think about it. In a small, sadistic way, it was what kept him on a better path, or at least as he saw it. To cast out the sociopath he hated but also to maintain a sense of emotional containment to avoid falling into the toxic sympathy trap... It was a difficult thing to wrestle with, but it wasn't something he could avoid thinking about for much longer.