With an air of righteousness contradictory to its appearance, the dark pony stamped the ground in front of Phillip, leaning in and inquiring, “And WHY is it you wish to find Equestria!?”
For a moment he stood frozen in place. Then his shoulders sank in defeat and after a briefer pause he said, “That’s a good question.”
“…to have what you cannot, what you should not. Your desperation betrays your ambition. As a race you lack the ability of contentment; always seeking, conquering, destroying the works of others. You may have clawed your way to dominance in the waking world, or think you have, but you will never have Equestria.”
“Then why have I been given these visions?” asked the human.
“We can only assume it was a fluke of some sort, a cosmic accident; or perhaps of some more sinister design. What were your visions of, precisely?”
“Just ponies…” he answered, “…hangin’ out and stuff.”
“Strange.” She rubbed her chin with a hoof. “But an accident, we’re certain. There are things man was not meant to know. Equestria is one of them. And now, as we’ve said, you know too much.”
“Oooof course,” Phillip sighed. “Racist.”
“What?” the pony raised an eyebrow.
“Because most of us are bad all of us are bad?” Phillip got his sass back on, pointing his finger accusingly and approaching the mare, “And what’s up with the moon-toads’ slaves? And why was I the only WHITE GUY on the ship!?”
“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO US IN THIS FASHION!” she belted back in the Royal Caps-Lock. She leaned in to put him in retreat, “As a princess I was meant to rule! Your color matters not! You think because your flesh is light you are better than your darker brethren!? YOU are the racist!”
“Wha!? That’s the exact opposite of the point I was trying to make!” Phillip retorted, leaning in. “You are one mixed-up moon-horse!”
“I AM A PONY!” she declared as energy formed around her horn. Phillip bolted around the bookcases and the library got all kinds of blown up as she tried zapping him.
“THINK OF THE POOR BOOKS!” Phillip cried.
“Face us coward!” she demanded, looking about for him.
“Quit being so violent!” he retorted. He heard her release quite the war-cry as a horn pierced forth from a book next to his head. “!!!!!!” Phillip once more began running as quietly as possible.
“Curse your race’s inherent combat expertise!”
“Lul,” Phillip chuckled to himself as he tried not to die. After he felt he was hidden far enough away he asked, “I don’t suppose it’s too late to call for a truce?!”
“You must be joking!” she snickered darkly.
“I was being a dick,” said Phillip, “I’m sorry.”
"Hahahaha! You ARE joking!” she blasted a bookcase near him to pieces.
“NOPE-NOPE-NOPE! TOTALLY SERIOUS! I’M REALLY-REALLY SORRY!” He pleaded desperately as he began running once more. He saw a cat on a nearby window motioning towards him.
“Come quickly, traveler,” said the cat. “Jump out this window.”
As psychotic as the invitation was he accepted it; shouting before he leaped, “I MAINTAIN TO MY DYING BREATH THAT I WAS A FRIEND TO PONYKIND!”
He was caught by a wave of cats which carried him to the earth below. After catching his breath and regaining his composure, Phillip said, “Thank you.”
“You saved one of ours from the zoogs. We saved you in return,” said an elderly gentlecat.
“Well, thank you,” replied Phillip. “Say any of you cats know where Equestria is?”