//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: Twilight Holmes: The Mystery of Basil Bones // by bats //------------------------------// Twilight knocked on the cottage door. She shifted her weight from one side to the other as she waited, and resisted the urge to glance inside through a window. Fluttershy’s yard was as lively as it always was, with birds flitting between birdhouses and critters scurrying along the ground, but the house itself looked dark and empty. Twilight shifted her weight again and grumbled. It wasn’t like Fluttershy would have lights on in the middle of the day, anyway. “Hope she’s not out back,” she said, and raised her hoof. The top half of the door creaked open and bumped into her hoof, finishing the knock for her and shutting the door again. Fluttershy eeped from the other side. “Sorry, sorry.” Twilight cleared her throat. “It’s just me.” The upper door popped open. “It’s okay, it was my fault.” Fluttershy peeked over the door and looked down the road. She relaxed with a sigh. “I’m still a little … um … on edge, I guess.” She smiled and opened the bottom. “Come in.” “Thanks.” Twilight stepped inside and dodged a pair of chipmunks racing each other out into the yard. “I was—” “I thought you might come check on me. I’m okay, Twilight, really. I mean … I did answer the door.” She shook her head and sighed with self-defeat, then smiled. “I know, I’m a little bit of a mess sometimes. I appreciate the thought anyway. It’s nice to know you worried.” “I wasn’t …” Twilight snapped her mouth shut and pressed her lips together. “Yes, I did want to make sure you’re okay. I thought you would be, but it never hurts to check, right?” She grinned. “You’re always so thoughtful. Do you want some tea? I was getting ready to put a kettle on.” Twilight rubbed her forehead and followed Fluttershy over to the kitchen. “Sure, I’d take some tea. Just a cup, though. I’ve already had too much coffee.” Fluttershy giggled and nodded. “In that case, I’ll make you mint tea. Make yourself at home. It’ll just take a minute.” Twilight sat at Fluttershy’s table and watched her friend crank up the burner. She drummed her hoof on the floor, a little out of impatience, but mostly from the caffeine. Somewhere between a minute and an eternity passed, and she was served a steaming cup with a tea bag steeping. Fluttershy sat down opposite her and smiled. “There we go.” “Thanks.” Twilight forced a smile and bobbed the tea bag. “So how’s the rest of your morning been?” Fluttershy sighed. “After that start, I’ve tried to keep mine … quiet.” “It was … Rainbow and I had another run in with Basil at breakfast.” Fluttershy’s hoof slipped, and her cup clattered in its saucer. “Oh dear. D-did he …?” Twilight huffed and shook her head. “It wasn’t too bad. It was directed at me and Rainbow this time, so nopony was hurt by it … well, that’s not true. Rainbow threw a bale of hay at his head.” Twilight hid the beginnings of a grin, while Fluttershy’s jaw dropped open. “Oh goodness. I hope he’s okay.” Twilight forced herself to not roll her eyes. “He was fine, just a little shaken up.” “That’s good, I wouldn’t want anypony getting hurt over something silly.” She pulled the bag out of her cup and set it on the saucer. “He did say something silly, right? He … he didn’t just … um … say wrong things about just me, did he?” Twilight removed her own tea bag and took a sip. The mint felt soothing on her head. She’d need to be careful how much of it she drank—knowing her luck she’d probably fall asleep against Fluttershy’s wall. “He told Rainbow that I cheated on her last night.” Fluttershy choked on her tea. “And he told me that Rainbow’s going to propose soon.” She shook her head and sipped her cup. “It was a ‘great tragedy’ or something.” Fluttershy patted her chest and forced a breath. “That must have been awful for you.” Twilight shrugged. “It was kind of annoying, but didn’t really bother me. He just doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” She smirked. “He thought Rainbow leaving her mug on the table was a clear indication that she’s planning on marrying me.” “I didn’t mean about that. I mean, I know Rainbow would never, ever believe you’d cheat on her, but …” “Seeing as Rainbow and I, uh …” Twilight cleared her throat. “Rainbow knew exactly where I was last night, so there was no reason for me to be embarrassed. To be honest … I’m a little surprised that Rainbow didn’t find it funny.” Fluttershy frowned and took a long drink from her teacup. “I guess that a lot of ponies don’t like it when they hear mean things about their partners.” “I guess. It really upset her, though.” Twilight also frowned and tapped the edge of the saucer. “Much more than I’d expect. She got really weird after he left and flew away without talking to me about it.” “Hmm.” Fluttershy rubbed her cheek, staring into her tea. “It … does seem like it’s something she’d laugh at. Especially since you two … um …” She blushed. “Anyway, maybe … maybe it wasn’t about that?” Twilight shrugged and took another sip. “I don’t know what else it could be about. I admit I got a little angry about the accusation myself, so I can’t really blame her for getting angry, too. And the proposal thing is just so strange the only reaction that makes sense is to be confused.” Twilight’s jaw went slack. “Unless … you … you don’t think Rainbow was actually thinking about proposing, do you?” Trembling, Fluttershy busied herself with her tea for a moment. “Um. She hasn’t mentioned anything about it to me, but … I’m not sure she would.” She cleared her throat and looked out the window. “I’ve known Rainbow a long time now, and she’s not … really … good at sharing things like that.” Twilight sighed, then chuckled. “Well, that certainly hasn’t changed from dating her.” She drained half her cup and leaned back. “It doesn’t make any sense, though. We haven’t been dating that long yet. Just … nine months.” She raised her eyebrows. “Wow, has it really been that long?” Fluttershy smiled. “It was a busy winter.” “I guess so. That’s still a little fast for an engagement … isn’t it?” “Um.” Fluttershy’s smile strained and she shrugged. “I don’t know? I … think it depends on the ponies. My parents got married the same year they met.” Twilight rubbed her cheek and looked away. She felt like her coffee jitters were back. At least the tea wouldn’t put her to sleep. “I just … Rainbow doesn’t really seem like the marrying type. At least not yet. It seems like something she’d only think about after she made it onto the Wonderbolts, if at all. It’s just too … serious for her.” “I … I think a lot of Wonderbolts get married before joining.” Fluttershy scuffed her hooves on the table. “In Cloudsdale, there’s a … joke, I guess, about Bolt Wives or Bolt Husbands who stay at home while their partner goes all over Equestria, and … it’s kind of mean.” Twilight cleared her throat. “I’d guess it’s similar to what Basil said about me today.” Fluttershy nodded. “Canterlot has a ‘joke’ like that about the Royal Guard.” She leaned her cheek on her hoof and frowned. “It still feels too serious for her. Rainbow’s so self-absor—err, free spirited.” “She is.” Fluttershy finished her tea. “She also sticks close to ponies who are important to her.” Twilight stayed silent and stared off into space. “Um … how are things going with her? If you don’t mind me asking?” “It’s been going well. We have a good time together. Lately it’s gotten kind of … serious.” Twilight’s frown deepened. A silence stretched out in the kitchen, oppressive enough the critters in the house steered clear of the whole room. Fluttershy hid behind her mane. “Maybe she is planning on proposing.” Twilight scrunched her eyes shut and rubbed her face. “Oh no. I … I said Basil was out of his mind to think she’d propose. If she was going to … I need to find her.” She pushed up from the table. “Twilight, what?” “I need to talk to her! Oh no, if I hurt her just because of Basil I’m gonna—” Fluttershy leapt in front of her friend and held a hoof up. “Just wait a moment, please?” “But I need to—” She grimaced and tried to step past Fluttershy, who slid back in the way. Fluttershy’s brows were drawn down with worry and her mouth was pressed in a thin line. “I need to …” “Twilight, take a deep breath.” She put her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Getting upset won’t help anything, will it?” Twilight paused and grit her teeth. She forced a slow breath. “No, you’re right. I already messed up fixing it right away. Rainbow’s still gonna be there to fix it later.” She closed her eyes and shook her head to clear it. “I’m so stupid. I was expecting everything Basil Bones would say to be a lie, and I hurt Rainbow.” “You don’t know that, Twilight. You don’t know for sure she was planning to propose any more than you know she wasn’t.” She led Twilight back to the table and settled her down, then slid the cup of tea closer. “Let’s just talk about this. Are you sure you upset her, and not Basil?” Twilight gulped down some of the tea and thought back over her morning. “I don’t know. I … she … it all happened at once. I can’t even say that it wasn’t over him accusing me of cheating on her.” She groaned and rubbed her forehead. “That doesn’t make sense, though. And even if Basil upset her, that could just mean that he spoiled her surprise.” “If he did … I’m a little glad Rainbow threw a hay bale at him.” Fluttershy glared off into space, then started and cleared her throat, her cheeks rosy. “I mean, he wasn’t really hurt by it, so, um … anyway, if that’s what happened, she … probably won’t be upset at you.” “Huh?” “Well … she knew Basil said silly things already. Since you thought he was just doing that again, that means she’d still be able to surprise you.” She offered a hopeful smile. “… Maybe. I’m not sure Rainbow thinks that far ahead about anything …” Twilight rubbed her mouth. “Throwing theories around doesn’t really do anything, anyway. What I need to do is find her and talk to her. If she was planning to propose, we’ll just have to deal with the surprise being spoiled, and we …” Twilight’s jaw went slack again. “Oh Celestia, Rainbow Dash might be planning to propose to me, what in Equestria am I going to say if she does?!” Fluttershy squeaked. “Um … do you want to get mar—?” “I don’t know! Who thinks about getting married?! Oh Luna, my brother got married, why have I not thought about getting married?!” “Twilight …” “This is a nightmare.” She hid her face in her hooves. “Am I supposed to say yes? I don’t want to say no, I don’t think, I’m really happy with her. I just haven’t made any plans for getting married! Is there an ‘ask me again in six months and we’ll see how I feel then’ choice? I think I have a book about engagement practices, maybe it—” Fluttershy firmly cut her off. “Twilight.” Twilight snapped her jaw shut and grimaced. “Getting upset about this doesn’t help anything, either.” Twilight closed her eyes and rubbed her face with both hooves. “You’re right, you’re right. I just …” She took a deep breath. “I need to think about this. When … if … whatever happens, I have time to figure out what I’ll say. Nopony’s demanding I answer right this minute.” She crumpled down against the table and groaned. “I didn’t ask for today.” Fluttershy patted her head. “I’m sorry, you’ve had a stressful enough time without me freaking out in your kitchen.” “It’s okay. I’m a lot better at helping with these sorts of problems than … well, being called a … mare of the evening in the middle of town.” Twilight pulled herself back up, and she shared a smile with her friend. “Um. I’m not very good at relationship advice, though. I’m really sorry I don’t have anything that’s all that helpful.” “I’ll figure something out. Rainbow and I are … were supposed to meet again at Applejack’s this afternoon. I’m not sure if she’ll actually be there now, but if I can figure something out before I go, I should be fine.” She forced a smile. “I … what I want to say is ‘whatever you figure out will be fine,’ but I … don’t … know if that’s actually true.” Fluttershy winced and looked down at her empty cup. “… Do you want more tea?” Twilight sighed. “No, thank you. And it’s okay you don’t have an easy answer for me. I don’t think anypony has easy answers for relationships.” “I guess not.” Fluttershy let out a slow breath, then perked up. “You could maybe talk to Rarity about it. She might not have easy answers, but she does know a lot about relationships. She might know some ways you could answer that wouldn’t hurt Rainbow.” Twilight frowned in thought and raised her eyebrows. “She might. That’s a good idea. I’ll have to go talk to her.” Fluttershy smiled and stood up. Twilight followed her friend back to the living room and up to the door. “I hope everything works out okay, Twilight. You and Rainbow both seem really happy, and whatever you two decide to do together, I want the best for you both.” “Thank you.” She gave Fluttershy a hug. “And thank you for talking me down. If I’d run off to find her all wound up and she did ask me to marry her, that would have ended much worse than however things go now.” “You’re welcome.” She opened the door, letting the chipmunks back inside. “Have a good day. I hope Basil doesn’t cause any more trouble.” Twilight froze mid-step. She sat down and buried her face in her hooves. “Oh no, I completely forgot why—um, the other reason I came to see you.” She groaned. “Other reason?” “I got so distracted with—nevermind.” She took another breath and smiled at Fluttershy. “About Basil Bones. Have you found out if any of the animals borrowed the tea set and forgot it at the fountain?” “Oh. Um. I haven’t asked everyone yet.” She turned and glanced around the room, which chittered with activity. “A lot of the critters are outside for most of the day. And a lot are nocturnal and sleeping right now. No one’s said they borrowed it yet. Is … it really that important?” She turned back to Twilight and sagged her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter very much to me what really happened. I have the tea set back, and … and hopefully nopony thinks I’m really … I-I’d like to just forget about it, if that’s okay with you.” Twilight nodded and stood up. “I understand that, Fluttershy, but … I think that something else might be going on here with Basil.” She clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes. “One or two of your animals borrowing the dishes and forgetting them is a reasonable explanation, but … I have cause to doubt that as what really happened. If it didn’t happen, that narrows what else it could be, and when you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Fluttershy’s brow knit. “Um … that … makes sense, I guess …” She cleared her throat and looked around the room again. “If it’s really important, I can try and find everyone outside, and I can wake up the sleepyheads. It’ll probably take a little while to do all of that, though.” Twilight nodded. “I understand. If you’re busy, it’s not such an emergency it can’t wait until you have time.” “Oh, it’s not that.” Fluttershy smiled. “All my work is with the critters, so I can ask while I’m filling feeders and checking on everyone. I just don’t want to keep you waiting when you’re so busy.” “Well, I can come back later, or …” A soft thump on the stairs drew their attention to Angel, who wandered down, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Oh, how about I send Angel with a note once I know?” Angel stopped and glared at her. “Please don’t make that sour face at me, sweetie, you’d be helping me and Twilight. There’ll be an extra big carrot in it for you if you say yes.” Twilight smirked as Angel crossed his forelegs over his chest. “When I see you, Angel, I’ll make sure to have a carrot for you, too.” Angel raised an eyebrow and frowned, as if weighing his options. After a moment, he shrugged and hopped away. Twilight turned to Fluttershy. “I … don’t know if that was a yes or not.” “He’ll be there. I’ll try to let you know soon, okay?” “Thanks again. I’ll get out of your mane and …” She turned to the door and sighed. “Figure out where I’m going next. This is more complicated than I thought it would be.” She rubbed her forehead and trudged outside. “I hope everything goes well.” “I do, too.” Twilight waved as Fluttershy shut the door behind her. She sighed again and slumped her shoulders. “Okay, step one, ask about Fluttershy’s animals, check. Step two … ugh, do I deal with Basil first, or try and figure out this other thing?” She grimaced and turned towards town. Out across the farmland to the south, she could just make out the dots of pegasi moving clouds into place. Her stomach jumped. “Okay, Rarity first.” She set off at a trot. Rainbow Dash shoved the puff of cloud into place. She circled the mass, narrowing her eyes in concentration, then smacked an uneven spot with her tail. The lumpy pile of pony-sized clouds rumbled against each other for a moment, then clung together in a solid mass. Rainbow smirked and nodded. Clear Skies flew down from a higher up patch of clouds. “Geeze, Rainbow Dash, you’re making us look bad.” “Huh?” She cleared her throat. “I mean, I always make myself look good, but what’re you talking about?” “I’m just teasing you.” She grinned and dropped onto the surface of Rainbow’s cloud. “I saw the scheduling this morning. Me and Sunshower set up the storm over Berry Punch’s vineyard for a noon storm, and then you got Applejack and Golden Harvest’s fields for the evening rains.” She glanced over the edge of the cloud, which was perfectly positioned over Sweet Apple Acre’s east orchard and Golden Harvest’s carrot patch, then lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Sunny’s jealous that you always get bigger jobs than anypony else on the team and she likes to say that you’re so lazy it’s a wonder anything gets done.” Rainbow flattened her ears and grumbled. “But then you show up while we’re still working and get your job done before we’re even finished. That shut her up something fierce.” Clear Skies giggled. “You’re making us look super bad, Rainbow.” Rainbow smirked and shook her head. “I am pretty great at this. But I wasn’t trying to show you up. Or Sunshower.” She looked up at the neighboring cloud and caught a glance of Sunshower glaring at her before disappearing up top. “Though maybe I should’ve.” “If I thought you were, I’d still be up there with Sunny and staring daggers at you.” Clear Skies giggled again. “If I had to guess why you showed up early, I’d say you’ve got plans for the evening and were getting this out of the way.” She nudged Rainbow’s shoulder with her knee. “I know I’m hoping to get done in time to see who Basil Bones pisses off next.” Rainbow narrowed her eyes and glowered in the direction of town square. “I’d be cool with never seeing that jerk again.” Clear Skies raised an eyebrow. “Wh—oh, right, Fluttershy’s a friend of yours. Sorry, I guess it’s really not that funny.” “What? Oh, no, that was hilarious, he’s just … nevermind.” She coughed and shuffled her hooves together. “I just got my work done now so I wouldn’t … uhh, I wanted something to do?” She grimaced. “Sorry if I’m sounding weird, I’m in kind of a bad mood.” “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll get back to work.” She lifted off the cloud. “No, it’s not that, I just …” She sighed and watched Clear Skies beat wings back to Sunshower. Sunshower jetted around, trying to get their cloud to stick together right and breathing hard from the exertion. Rainbow took some grim satisfaction in the puffs that refused to stay in place, then shook her head and frowned. She didn’t mean to scare Skies off. Talking to her meant Rainbow didn’t have to think about stuff. She lifted back up on her wings and circled her cloud again. It hadn’t drifted off target, and the mass stayed together in a cohesive blob. A perfect crop cloud, like something out of a weather control textbook. No mistakes meant no need to fix anything, though. Dammit. She had nothing to do instead of thinking. “Howdy, Dash!” Applejack shouted from the ground. “Ya want a cider?” “Oh, thank Luna,” Rainbow breathed, then darted down towards the farm. Applejack’s cart and supplies leaned up against some trees, with Applejack leaning up alongside them. She grinned and held up a frothy mug from the shade. Rainbow clattered to the ground and lunged for it, but pulled back at the last second. “… This isn’t a hard one, right? Last thing I need is to get drunk right now.” “Li’l early for hooch, Dash.” “Okay, good.” She snatched it away and downed half of it. “Oh, yeah, that hits the spot.” She slumped onto her haunches. Applejack chuckled and shook her head. Rainbow took a smaller mouthful and savored the taste. “Mmm.” She swallowed. “Thanks, AJ, this is the best … wait a minute, it’s not cider season.” She narrowed her eyes and glared inside the mug. “What’s the deal? Where’d this stuff come from?” Rolling her eyes, Applejack picked up her own mug and took a sip. “It ain’t like we need special fall apples for cider, Dash. Cider season’s just when we got enough a crop lyin’ around it makes sense to press some of ‘em.” “Makes sense? Making cider always makes sense.” “Makes business sense, featherhead. It don’t stop us from pressin’ small batches every once in a while for us.” She took another sip. Rainbow pouted at the suds clinging to the bottom of her mug. Cider never lasted long enough. “How come this is the first I’ve heard you got cider I could be drinking all the time?” Applejack sighed. “Not ‘all the time,’ and it’s ‘cause this is the first I’ve caught you bustin’ your hump gettin’ your work done early for no reason, and thought ya deserved somethin’ sweet to show it’s appreciated. Should’a known that’d be a mistake.” “Mistake? This is the best thing ever. If I’d known I’d get cider for getting your clouds done early, I’d be doing it all the time.” She rubbed her forehead. “Then you wouldn’t be workin’ hard for no reason, would ya? I ain’t payin’ you in cider, Dash. You oughta be gettin’ it done early without expectin’ a dang thing.” Rainbow crinkled her muzzle. “You know that whole catching more flies with honey instead of vinegar thing, right?” “To tell ya the truth, vinegar’ll get more flies on it than honey will, it’s bees that like honey.” Rainbow blinked and Applejack smirked. “Try it sometime, leave out a little’a both and see which the flies’ll go for. Vinegar every time. But don’t come complainin’ to me when your house is overrun with flies.” “Ugh, you sound like Twil …” Rainbow flexed her jaw, and let out a slow breath. She set her mug on the ground. “Thanks for the cider, AJ, it was awesome.” Applejack gave her a piercing look. “You’re welcome. Now tell me what’s eatin’ you.” “What? I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t everything be fine? Back off, nothing’s wrong.” Rainbow bit her lip and looked away. “… How silly’a me to think you’re actin’ like a lunatic.” She took a longer sip. “Gettin’ your chores done fast so you don’t gotta think, huh?” “No.” “And I betcha Twi’s gonna come ‘round when you’d normally be doin’ this, and you don’t wanna be here for that.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “I think ya do.” Applejack narrowed her eyes and leaned in to stare Rainbow down. Rainbow pressed her mouth in a thin line. “… Yep, I’m right, somethin’ happened.” “Nothing happened!” Rainbow crossed her forelegs over her chest and huffed. “Jeeze, I already told you everything’s fine, I was just … uh … Sunshower’s been all uppity calling me lazy behind my back.” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.” “So I was making her look bad …” Rainbow grimaced. “Okay, fine, that happened, but it wasn’t on purpose. Look, everything’s fine, I moved your dumb clouds so your dumb trees can get their dumb rain on time, that’s all that’s important, stop looking at me like that.” Applejack chuckled and held a hoof up in surrender. “You don’t wanna talk about it, it ain’t like I can force it outta you. I’ll leave you be.” “Okay.” Rainbow breathed out. “Good.” “I’ll just ask Twi when she comes by.” “No!” Rainbow leapt up and clapped her hooves over her mouth at the same time. She came close to tumbling onto her face, but sprung her wings open and managed to just thump back on her butt. Applejack smirked. “Um, I mean …” She cleared her throat. “AJ, this is none of your business. This is between me and Twi.” For a moment, Applejack narrowed her eyes again and studied Rainbow’s face. “All right, I’m buttin’ out.” Rainbow raised her brows. “Really?” “Don’t sound like you went and messed somethin’ up, which might not be any’a my business, but you got a way of breakin’ everything around you tryin’ to fix mistakes and if somepony’s gotta talk some sense into that thick skull of yours, I might as well try. Whatever’s goin’ on really ain’t none of my business, sounds like.” Rainbow grumbled and looked away. “Don’t act like you ain’t a bull in a china shop.” Applejack chuckled again. “Still. I reckon somepony else said somethin’ to set ya off and you’ll get it figured out without me pryin’. Gotta be that if it ain’t somethin’ that you broke and it ain’t somethin’ Twilight did—” Applejack snapped her jaw shut and frowned. “… I’m assumin’ it ain’t something she did, ‘cause I’d think you’d be fallin’ over yourself to complain to me about it. But that’d be if it’s something that ain’t that bad …” Rainbow glowered and opened her wings. “You said you were butting out, so butt out, AJ.” She leapt into the air and hovered in place. “And leave Twi alone about it, too.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine, whatever, Dash. I’m just—” “Being nosy.” She stuck her tongue out at her friend. “Don’t you have work you could be doing?” Applejack shook her head and swept up Rainbow’s mug. “If I didn’t know no better, I’d guess Basil Bones messin’ with Fluttershy’s what’s got ya tuned up.” She turned back towards the farmhouse. Rainbow landed with a clatter and slumped. “Ugh, why does everypony bring that guy up?” Applejack paused and looked back at Rainbow with an eyebrow raised. “… Really? Callin’ Fluttershy a hooker don’t tickle my fancy, but everypony else thinks it’s funny.” Rainbow smirked despite herself. “Of course you don’t think it’s funny, your sense of humor’s broken.” She cleared her throat. “Dude’s a total jerk anyway. You just watch it if he shows up—” “Ah, a cultivated grove of Malus domestica, I surmise this must be the economic backbone of a town like Ponyville, and the proprietor must be …” Rainbow turned her head and locked eyes with Basil Bones as he sauntered up the road. “You!” they both hissed. Applejack looked from Rainbow to the new arrival, then chuckled. “Speak of the devil, I guess. Howdy there, welcome to Sweet Apple A—” “Are you following me around, you weirdo? Didn’t sneak a good enough whiff off my girlfriend?” Rainbow growled. Applejack stammered and took a step back. “Dash, what—” “Like I would want anything to do with violent ruffians who don’t know how to handle the truth.” Applejack took another step back. “Whoa, what—” “Truth! Gimme a break, you hack!” Rainbow bared down and flashed her teeth. “Still don’t know how far I can throw you, but I bet it’s far enough to break something.” Basil’s eyes widened and he shrunk away, sliding his spectacles up his muzzle. “Now hold on just a minute!” Applejack hollered, leaping between them. “I ain’t havin’ nopony wander on my farm and start yellin’ at no friends of mine, and I ain’t havin’ no friends of mine threatenin’ a guest!” Rainbow sneered past Applejack at Basil and straightened back up. “I was just leaving, anyway. Something started stinking around here.” She spread her wings and flew upwards. She thought of her cloud house, hovering out above the open fields on the opposite end of town in the farthest spot she could get from that jerk without leaving Ponyville. She crinkled her muzzle and aimed herself in that direction. Basil’s voice drifted up to her as she left. “Thank you, madam, I appreciate your—” “Don’t you be thankin’ me yet, I got a bone to pick with you, callin’ my friend a hooker.” Rainbow slowed down and hovered in place. Leaving now might mean missing something good. Quietly, she turned and landed on her cloud and peered over the edge. Basil had regained his usual poise and looked askance at Applejack. Rainbow was far enough away she didn’t hear, but she knew he’d just done that annoying ‘hmn?’ thing. “Don’t act like ya don’t know, that bit’a news spread all over town. Fluttershy’s the farthest thing Ponyville’s got from a hooker.” “Nonsense. It’s perfectly logical that somepony of that profession might be surreptitious about it, even with her friends, but her poise, reticence, and grooming betrays the truth, and what’s more the detection of treated water and masonry sealed the solution of her trifle.” “Truth my left hoof. That mare’s so shy she’s scared of her own shadow, let alone the shadow of some stallion with a sack of bits.” Applejack stepped forward, getting in Basil’s face and making him shrink back again. Rainbow grinned. Definitely would’ve missed something good. “Utter nonsense. The only other explanation would be that she’s a former model who still holds that grace and bearing, and who now works with a large variety of animals, as animals would also bring her into regular contact with stone dust and water treatments. But that explanation is so far-fetched as to be dismissed immediately.” He chuckled indulgently. “A former model working with animals. Preposterous. Whoever heard of such a thing?” Rainbow slapped her forehead and groaned, then covered her mouth and made sure neither of them heard her. She sighed and resettled on the cloud when neither of them looked up. “I think I heard just about enough outta you, so unless you got some business on my farm, I suggest you track down Fluttershy and apologize for sayin’ such crass stuff about her before I’ll share one more word with you about anything.” “Hmmph. As a matter of fact, I did have business to conduct, as it was quite impossible for me to not notice that the size and scope of your cultivation quite outmatches that of Ponyville’s necessities. The abundance is quite wasteful, I’m sure, so I think it would behoove you to—” “Partner with a fella who helps with distribution across the surroundin’ cities?” Applejack deadpanned. “Fella’s name is Filthy Rich.” “Ah, of course, but during the autumn the abundance must—” “Mean it’s good business to press some of our bumper crop and sell cider? Yeah, we do that, too. And before you mention it, I already know that the grove over yonder is a Zap Apple grove which ain’t great for eatin’ but makes some darn fantastic jam. Anythin’ else you wanna tell me about runnin’ the business I been runnin’ all my life that’s been here longer’n you been alive?” “Damn,” Rainbow muttered to herself. “I’m gonna owe AJ a cider.” Basil cleared his throat. “Well, ahem, I see why such an inordinately small town with an otherwise eclectic population and disparate community has been so prosperous. Unless you have any trifling puzzles, I do believe I have business to attend to elsewhere.” He stepped back towards the road. Applejack turned away from him. “If I did, I’d ask somepony who had a clue what they were doin’, seein’ as how well ya got a handle on Fluttershy. And it’s clear to me that whatever the heck you said to Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle’s so dang wrong it probably is funny lookin’ back on it.” Basil paused, and glared over his shoulder at Applejack. “I admit that I … may have failed to take the active nature of the typical pegasus’ metabolism into account. Such an error casts light on the flaws in my summation of events pertaining to … Twilight, did you say?” He straightened his spectacles. “But I assure you, when it comes to that Rainbow ruffian, my conclusions are one hundred percent accurate.” Rainbow’s stomach soured. She glared down at him from her cloud, then leapt into the air and flew away before she could hear any more. Going back to her home no longer sounded like that great of a plan. She needed somewhere to lay low. Maybe there was a rock she could hide under.