… In her proclamation, Queen Chrysalis digressed to criticize what she called the corrupt dealings of ponies who dared to lay claim to the ancestral home of the Changeling race. “We shall not be evicted by real estate swindlers,” she wrote. “Such contemptible creatures as Cool Drink and Gwyneth and their ilk shall not be tolerated, should they try to exercise the worthless bits of paper they call deeds.”
Solicitors for the reclusive social butterfly Cool Drink and the wealthy eccentric Gwyneth the Griffon expressed their wish to come to a mutually acceptable compromise with the changelings, noting their intention to defend their clients’ claims and pointing out that neither Equestria nor any other kingdom recognized the sovereignty of the Changeling nation.
Chrysalis went on to claim that the motivation for the changeling’s entry into the new “race for space” was love. “We shall demonstrate to the world the fearless nature, heroic quality, and indestructible spirit of the changeling people,” she wrote. “We have never been content to sneak the love we need like beggars or thieves, and this glorious enterprise, which carries the hopes and dreams of the entire world, is our first chance to earn what is rightfully ours- the love, admiration and respect of all other peoples.”
While our leaders in the palace reacted with suspicion, the noble and wise Princess Celestia set a positive tone by declaring, “We shall take the words of the changeling queen as genuine, in the hopes that the ancient fear, hatred and suspicion between changelings and ponies can be brought to an end. Towards this goal we encourage our ponies to cooperate with such reasonable legal requests as the changelings may put forward, to exchange scientific knowledge with them, and to do business with them on the same terms as would be given to the griffons, the minotaurs, the dragons, the yaks, the deer, and the other nations of our world.”
A week passed after the proclamation, eventfully.
This was a terrible plan, Chrysalis thought.
In the course of seven days the changelings had learned a lot about flying to the moon- as, for that matter, had the ponies and dragons and griffons. Unfortunately the main thing all of them had learned was that none of them really knew how to do it.
Chrysalis had shared her servants’ findings with the other races, although it required almost a day’s turnaround to the Appleoosa telegraph station to send out results and receive replies. She was sure the others thought she was holding back, and even more sure that everyone except the ponies was holding back from her. And she’d considered it, or even feeding them all false information. After the first day’s bungling, though, she decided to send everything and then some. The worst that could happen, after all, was that the other space programs would repeat the same horrible bungles her changelings had made.
The shared data produced quite a bit of otherwise useful information in the series of How Not to Do It results. Changelings could achieve higher altitudes in free flight and go higher without an oxygen supply than any other race. Unfortunately they were slightly slower than any other flying race when not disguised, and the fastest changeling was no match in the air for the fastest pegasus or dragon. In either case, at altitudes where the rapidly thinning air simply would not allow even a changeling to breathe, the moon appeared no closer.
The changelings didn’t have oxygen masks or pressure suits in inventory (they had a single scuba system, but no way of refilling the tank). One pegasus(5) with an oxygen mask had managed to climb twice as high as a thunderhead before getting what was described as an inverse case of the bends. That pegasus was now in the hospital but expected to recover. Another pegasus(6) had tried a full pressure suit and hadn’t been able to get off the ground.
(5) Rainbow Dash, naturally.
(6) Fluttershy. Had Chrysalis ever bothered to find this out, she might have demanded the ponies redo the test, but the outcome likely would have been the same.
So, at the greatest extreme of natural or magical flight, Equestrians could achieve maybe fifteen miles or so of altitude.
According to the princesses and astronomers and mathematicians, that left a mere 249,985 miles to go, give or take ten thousand.
The ponies and griffins had experimented with flying machines. Airships couldn’t even fly as high as unaided pegasi. The handful of heavier-than-air craft in existence likewise fell behind natural achievement. Rumors were that a group of minotaurs were working on an entirely new flying machine, but as the smallest group with a space program it was doubtful they could build whatever it was they were designing.
Magic wasn’t much more help. Teleportation could only be done either line-of-sight with a good view of one’s destination or to someplace you’d already been. Magic mirror portals could potentially link two far-distant destinations, but the trick of making new magic mirrors had been lost, and anyway you still had to get the other mirror to your destination in the first place. Furthermore, it took exponentially more power the farther you tried to teleport. Chrysalis couldn’t teleport more than half a mile on her best day. None of the princesses could teleport more than a couple of miles(7). Nightmare Moon’s famous trip had been entirely unintentional and performed through the power of the Elements of Harmony, which were not available at the moment.
(7) Or so they claimed, but Chrysalis knew they were lying about this. They wanted her to underestimate their power. She wasn’t going to be fooled.
All of these options, which Chrysalis mentally dubbed the “sane options,” had been played out in the course of a week by the other space agencies. Her subjects, on the other hand, had attempted a series of experiments which Chrysalis called either the “insanely stupid” or “idiotically insane” options, depending on her mood after the inevitable splat.
Experiment #1: Really big slingshot. Twenty changelings tested. Longest flight: about four hundred meters. Injuries: broken limbs and wings, concussions. Most wanted another ride.(8)
(8) If anything will make you blasé about the prospect of ending a thrilling ride through the air by a sudden splat on the hard, rocky desert floor, it is having experienced just such a thing before and lived. Every changeling alive had had this experience, Chrysalis included, courtesy of the Power of Love.(17)
Experiment #2: Two changelings in flight pushing a third changeling to high speeds. Three changelings tested, at altitude. No injuries, but no great improvement on performance, either.
Experiment #2A: Four changelings in flight pushing a fifth to high speeds. No injuries, and a brief but measurable improvement.
Experiment #2B: Four changelings on the ground pushing a fifth in flight to higher speed by magic. No injuries, and a significant, but temporary, improvement in speed.
Experiment #2C: Twenty changelings on the ground. Another changeling (Dragonfly, the hive’s fastest flyer) flies overhead, and the twenty changelings push simultaneously by magic. Dragonfly ended up out of action for weeks in a body cast. She reported (when she finally regained consciousness) that she blacked out as soon as the mass spell touched her, and that she regretted missing the flight, which the changelings on the ground reported as “awesome but short.”
(17) And, according to Chrysalis, the power of unfair cheating pony magic.
Experiment #3: Twenty changelings in a line on the ground. As changeling #21 (Occupant) came running at the line, each changeling would use its magic to fling the runner overhead and behind, each time boosting speed by a controlled amount. The last changeling would push up instead of backwards, sending Occupant skyward at high velocity. One test. Stinger Charlie reported Occupant’s momentum was so great that he couldn’t steer it at all, and thus he went splat into a canyon wall instead of into the clouds. Injuries: four cases of horn strain, a broken limb, a concussion, and a severe case of disappointment that, of all the things Occupant had broken, his buck fangs weren’t on the list.
Experiment #3A: The same as before, but fifty changelings, and airborne. One experiment, which ended with a black-and-purple sonic rainboom and the complete disappearance of test flier Lucky Cricket. Lucky reported in two days later, having landed unharmed in the pool at a casino resort near Los Pegasus. Lucky enjoyed his stay in Los Pegasus and would have remained there, had the pony authorities not insisted he go home.(9) In addition to realizing that Lucky’s supersonic flight had been completely unsteerable and therefore useless, Chrysalis had realized that some method of remote communications would be required. As it stood, if she got into trouble midflight, nopony would hear about it… ever.
(9) Fourteen hours after arriving the hotel had presented a bill to Lucky Cricket for eight hundred bits. Lucky had taken the fifty complimentary casino chips and, through methods unexplained, parlayed them into a ten percent ownership stake in the resort by midnight that night. The next morning Lucky became the very first changeling to be photographed in his natural state and added to the list of Ponies No Longer Allowed in Las Pegasus Casinos. He returned to Appleoosa by train in a private car full of souvenirs, with privileged stock certificates in hoof and proposals for a changeling casino resort, which Chrysalis filed for possible future action.
(10) As Occupant reported, very, very loudly.
Experiment #4: Combining all prior experiments. Getting the slingshot into the air was less difficult than expected. Hurling it, its controllers, and its passenger forward had been difficult but doable. Unfortunately, what happened thereafter could only be described as “airborne bowling for changelings.” Abundant injuries. Noling wanted a second ride.
Experiment #5: Occupant, remembering something from the Canterlot invasion, had snuck out of the infirmary and taken train to Ponyville, where he politely asked a certain pony to fire him out of a cannon. The experiment resulted in severe but probably temporary hearing loss and no real gains over previous experiments.(10)
At this point Chrysalis had called a temporary end to the experiments until she could think of a better method. That had been yesterday, and today she was beginning to think she would need just as many file cabinets for Bad Moon Flight Ideas as she did for Bad World Conquest Ideas. The moon was there, each night, up in the sky. Logically it should be possible to fly to it… but why wasn’t anything working?
Chrysalis’s brooding was interrupted by movement from the doorway to her throne chamber. Occupant stood in the doorway, and a second shadow stood just behind him in the hallway. “EXCUSE ME, MY QUEEN!” he shouted.
“I SAID, YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHOUT, YOU IDIOT!” Chrysalis roared. “I’M NOT THE ONE WHO’S DEAF!”
“SORRY!” Occupant replied cheerfully, not lowering his volume one iota. Behind her, Chrysalis could hear Double Face groaning as he set down his pencil. “BUT YOU SEE, THIS PONY TURNED UP AT THE DOOR. HER NAME’S JEBEDIAH OR SOMETHING.”
“It’s not Jebediah!” a very female voice snapped. “I told you before, it’s Cherry Berry!”
“THAT’S WHAT I SAID, JEBEDIAH!” Occupant nodded agreeably at the shadow behind him. “ANYWAY, JEBEDIAH SAYS SHE WANTS TO JOIN OUR SPACE PROGRAM!”
“What?” Chrysalis could have thought of a dozen different reasons for a pony to visit the hive now that the changelings were openly competing in the space program(11), but that wasn’t anything she’d ever have imagined. Ponies did not voluntarily join changelings.(12) “Guard, to me!” she called out.
(11) Three of which involved Skip Town and his bad debts. Another involved Occupant sending off for eleven vinyl records for a penny, with only six albums required to purchase at full price in the following year.
(12) Chrysalis could control pony minds with an effort of will and work, but she couldn’t read them. Otherwise one look at Double Face’s thoughts would have shown her how wrong she was about this point.
Two guards squeezed past Occupant and the visitor and knelt before her.
“Bring in the pony… visitor,” Chrysalis said. “Then escort Occupant back to his duties at the entrance. And please,” she groaned, “don’t let him try to hold a conversation with you.”
The guards saluted, and as one gently but firmly guided the half-deaf shouty changeling away, the other pushed the pony into the chamber with much less solicitude. “Hey!” she complained, giving the guard a nasty look as she recovered her balance. “You didn’t have to do that!”
Chrysalis took the moment to look the pony over. Pink coat, blonde mane and tail with a bit of curl to both, earth pony. She wore a leather helmet with chinstrap undone, a pair of goggles pushed up out of the way of her eyes. “Hi!” she said, glare giving way to cheerfulness. “I’m your new test pilot!”
Queens do not let their jaw drop slackly when surprised, but it took Chrysalis a will of steel to prevent it. “You’re my what?” she asked.
“Cherry Berry, aviatrix extraordinary,” the pony introduced herself. Oh, yes; now Chrysalis noted the cherry cutie mark. “Ever since this whole space race started, I’ve wanted to take my place as a test pilot! If you’re looking for someone to risk life and limb, I’m your pony!”
“Yes, about that,” Chrysalis drawled. “Why don’t you work for the pony space program? Surely they need all the ponies they can get.”
“Twilight Sparkle said I couldn’t fly,” Cherry Berry said.
Chrysalis shook out her wings momentarily. “Well, you can’t.”
“I can fly machines just fine,” Cherry Berry insisted. “Nopony’s going to fly to the moon under their own power. And I have hundreds of hours in balloon, helicopter, and aeroplane operations- more than anypony except the top airship luxury liner pilots.” She sighed and slumped as she continued, “But Twilight says the pilots need to be pegasi because of their instinctual knowledge of flight theory and their quick reflexes. And the Canterlot unicorns are monopolizing the technical side of things. The only job she’d offer me was ground crew.” She shook her head. “And that’s important, it’s really important, but…”
“But you want to fly,” Chrysalis said. “So, of all the other races, you chose the one most hostile to your own.”
“Um…” Cherry Berry shuffled on her hooves. “Actually, you weren’t my first choice.”
“Ah, that makes more sense,” Chrysalis nodded. “I was your very last choice, wasn’t I?”
Cherry nodded. “The griffins aren’t willing to spend the money for proper equipment, and they’re still convinced they can make it work under wing power. That’s stupid. The dragons won’t even talk to me. And the minotaurs… well, Warner von Brawn has a really good idea, but there’s no way he can raise the funds to do it on his own. I think he’s going to take his proposals to Celestia and Twilight before much longer.”
Chrysalis raised her eyebrows. “That’s a lot of traveling in only a few days, little pony.”
“I’m a pilot,” Cherry shrugged. “I left my aeroplane topside. I don’t suppose you could have one of your changelings recharge the engine? I don’t think it’s got enough charge to get even back to Appleoosa, and they’re almost all earth ponies there anyway.”
“So,” Chrysalis said slowly, “you make the rounds of four different space agencies before coming to me, all in the course of a week or less, and the only thing you want is to be the pony who flies to the moon. Do I have that clear?”
“That’s right.”
Chrysalis gave the situation a whole two seconds’ consideration before coming to the only logical conclusion.
“Pod her,” she said to the guard.
Written exchange between Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, and Celestia, Princess Diarch of Equestria:
We have apprehended a pony who sought access to our space program through laughably false pretenses. This earth pony, who claimed to be called Cherry Berry, gave as her cover story the absurd premise that she was a pilot of flying machines who, having been turned down by all other space projects, had come to the changelings to fly. Although we changelings are no longer seeking to subvert Equestria by infiltration and deceit(13), we can scarcely pretend that no tension or animosity exists between our species at this time. Any pony volunteering to live among changelings for any reason would be suspect. A flightless earth pony coming to the hive and demanding to become our head test pilot is either lying or deranged. In either case such a pony requires detention until some settlement can be reached regarding her final disposal.
(13) You simply can’t function as an absolute ruler if you flinch at putting blatant lies in writing.
As a gesture of goodwill I pledge not to execute her outright, as would have been my right and duty under prior conditions. Instead I formally charge her with espionage and request negotiation for suitable punishment to deter future efforts before her repatriation to your realm. Such treatment as you would give to one of my subjects, caught in the act of imitating a member of your guard or a minor courtier, would be acceptable to me.
To clarify the identity of the pony: female of young maturity, pink coat, blonde mane, cutie mark of a cluster of cherries. Speaks with a central Equestrian accent, presumably lower Canterlot or Ponyville districts. No noticeable scars or unusual features.
Signed, Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings
My very dear Chrysalis,
Cherry Berry is exactly as she says she is. My dear Twilight Sparkle verifies that she did indeed apply for the Equestrian Space Agency, only to be turned down due to lack of openings in the pilot program. She also confirms her long experience with all sorts of flying craft, her basic understanding of flight theory, etc. I am also informed that Cherry Berry is the first earth pony licensed for solo flight in and around the environs of Cloudsdale.
Since we are, of course, all sharing our scientific data freely with one another, I have no interest in sending a spy into your hive. Even had I the interest, I could never justify putting my little ponies into such terrible danger. I would simply have come myself in disguise, or sent Luna in my stead. I hope you will take my words for truth and treat Ms. Berry kindly, either releasing her into the custody of her kin in Dodge Junction or allowing her to participate in your space exploration efforts.
Finally, had I caught one of your changelings as you describe, I would treat it thus: I should give it a cell next to a kindergarten full of happy foals and fillies, allow it to eat its fill of love and joy, and pay it regular visits for tea and polite conversation. I would provide its more reasonable requests for comfort and entertainment, and once I was certain that no danger would befall my little ponies, I would offer it release into the wilds or wherever it wished to go. If it wished to remain, I would accommodate it with the warmest hospitality.(14) I hope you haven’t got any pony children in your custody, but I trust the general intent is clear.
(14) Scrawled in the margin of the original, in Chrysalis’s pen: “Of course she would, the little (expletive).”
Please treat my little pony kindly, so we may see the truth behind your words of goodwill.
With love, Princess Celestia
P. S. Have you seen a pony by the name of Double Face? He’s a white unicorn with a drama-mask cutie mark. My current captain of the guard wishes me to tell you that we don’t particularly want him back; we just want to know where to mail his severance check. – C.
Another week passed, also eventfully. The changelings, seeing Cherry Berry’s flying machine, had wanted to use it for their experiments, but Chrysalis had forbidden it. Celestia might want the thing back, and if so she would want it back in one piece. If her changelings started toying with it, she’d likely end up returning it in a large sack. Or possibly several sacks.
The device- the “aeroplane” as Cherry Berry had called it- still gave the changelings all sorts of new ideas. These were implemented with whatever scraps and odds-and-ends could be scavenged from nearby, held together with optimism and various forms of changeling goo.
The results of these experiments kept the hive’s infirmary very busy until Celestia’s written response arrived from Canterlot. (Not least, the chief medical bug was kept hopping delivering headache pills to the queen every time she debriefed another test pilot.)
Finally Celestia’s letter arrived, and after spending a day getting over the impotent rage she felt from reading it, Chrysalis came to a new decision.
The pod was distinctly off color. It should have been a healthy green; instead it had gone some kind of murky purple. That said, the pony hadn’t been harmed, sleeping with a large grin on its face until it was dragged through the cocoon’s membrane and out into the open air of the little cell in the depths of the hive.
“Owww,” Cherry Berry moaned, staggering on her hooves, choking and coughing up bits of the fluid that contained prisoners within the pods. “Ooooh, my head.”
“Hibernation hangover,” the guard said matter-of-factly. “It passes off soon. You probably won’t be hungry for a while, though.”
“I was having a beautiful dream!” Cherry groaned. “I was having the loveliest dream in the world, and you woke me up!” (15)
(15) Cherry Berry’s dream: she stepped foot out of a standard science fiction rocket ship balanced on its fins, wearing a spacesuit with a goldfish-bowl helmet. To her delight she discovered that the moon she’d just landed on was actually an immense cherry pit. Suddenly the celestial seed was hurled across the solar system into the depths of a giant green planet, from which sprouted, all at once, a cherry tree bigger than all Equus. And then Cherry Berry, in her airplane, flew around and around the giant tree’s trunk, catching cherries in her mouth as they fell gently from the world-tree’s eternally loaded branches.
“Changeling cocoons are designed to give prisoners the illusion of their greatest love,” the guard said. “Waste not, want not.”
“Really?” Caught between horror and curiosity, Cherry Berry chose curiosity. “So…er… did I feed you well, then?”
“I wasn’t your guard,” the guard said, pointing to a lump in the corner. “She was.”
Cherry Berry decided she could have lived a long, happy life without seeing a nearly spherical changeling. It looked at her, gave a little wave with a hoof, and burped.
“Anyway, Her Majesty wants to talk to you,” the guard continued. “Are you feeling up to it?”
Cherry Berry took a deep breath, pushed her flight helmet a little bit forward on her head (ignoring its lingering stickiness), and set her jaw. “Lead the way,” she said.
Chrysalis greeted the pony with a wave of a scroll in her direction. “I’ve finally heard back from your princess,” she said. “If I am to trust her, then you are who you say you are.”
“Well, yeah,” Cherry Berry snorted. “Why would I lie?”
“I could spend a week giving possible reasons,” Chrysalis said. “However, my time is more valuable. Let us say, for argument’s sake, that you are not a spy. You might still be a madpony too dangerous to be left loose. That is what this interview is to decide.”
Cherry Berry shrugged. “You’re not the first to think that,” she said. “Fire away.”
“First, let us ask a simple question,” Chrysalis said. “By what means did you plan on reaching the moon?”
“Controlled ballistic flight within a rocket ship,” Cherry Berry said simply. “You know, like in the Buck Ranger books?”
“No, I don’t know,” answered Chrysalis.(16)
(16) Chrysalis’s hobby of reading cheap, bad books had avoided the entire sci-fi genre. It was a tiny niche market even among ponies, but with changeling minds- well, with Chrysalis anyway- the concepts simply didn’t click. Magic-less alien creatures invading Equestria? Machines that walked and talked? It was just too wild for her to follow.
“Well, basically you build a rocket ship, like a big firework you can ride along inside,” Cherry Berry said. “Only it doesn’t explode when it gets to the top. Goddard the Griffon was doing some work on making it reality, but nopony would give him the money to do more than make tiny experimental rockets. And Warner von Brawn has ideas on how to make it work, but there’s just so few minotaurs, he can’t get the funding for full-scale testing.” She shrugged and added, “Twilight Sparkle thinks she can make the concept function through concentrated magic, but she hadn’t done any tests as of the day I came here.” She looked around and added, “What day is it, anyway?”
Chrysalis’s jaw had dropped, royal reserve be damned. Her eyes stretched wide as dinner-plates. “Let me get this straight,” she said very carefully. “You say that, if you want to fly to the moon, you climb inside a giant firework, light the fuse, and somehow steer the thing until you get to the moon? And hope it doesn’t blow up?”
“You make sure it doesn’t blow up,” Cherry Berry said firmly. “And the rocket ship would be a lot more complex than a firework. But that’s the general idea, yes. I can show you the basic equations for how it would work, if you have a chalkboard.”
Chrysalis shook her head. “Back in the pod,” she said.
Another week passed, explosively. Chrysalis had put the guard who had escorted Cherry Berry into his own pod for gossiping. What kind of nincompoop would think it a good idea to suggest fireworks as a flight vehicle to her changelings?
Right. Another one of her changelings. I am surrounded by MORONS, she thought.
When she went herself to release Cherry Berry, she found the cocoon had turned a deep but vibrant red. A little bit of ooze seeped around the edges of the membrane. It smelled of sweet, sticky cherry juice.
I think I’m as insane as my subjects, Chrysalis thought, but the time has come to admit the truth: I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s time to bring in somepony who does, even if she is completely cracked. She reached into the pod with her magic and gently pulled the pony out, setting her carefully on wobbly hooves.
“You know,” Cherry said between coughing up bits of pod goo, “if it wasn’t for the hangover… and the whole creepy-emotion-draining-bugs-who-kidnap-and-replace-all-your-friends thing… you could run a spa and make big money, selling ponies time in those pods.”
Chrysalis mentally filed this idea away for future exploration.
“So, what do you want to ask me now?” Cherry Berry grumbled. “That was a really long dream, so whatever I know about the other space programs is pretty much out of date by now.”
Chrysalis sighed. It took an effort of will to even speak the words. “I want you to take over our space program,” she said.
“What.”
“We need somepony who has ideas on how a trip to the moon can work,” Chrysalis pressed on. “I want to be the first being from Equus to set hoof on the moon, but I don’t have a clue how to do it. And my subjects have even less idea. Though they seem bent on bashing, splatting, or blowing themselves up trying.” She jabbed a hoof at Cherry Berry. “Your notions sound insane, but at least you have them. And they can’t be more idiotic than what my subjects have tried.”
“Really,” Cherry Berry said flatly. “This is a bit of a turnaround.”
“I am not going to beg,” Chrysalis said. “You came here asking to be a pilot. It took me two weeks, but I’m finally willing to accept your offer. I’m even willing to put the whole program in your hooves. Take it or leave it.”
Cherry Berry considered this for a few moments. “You know,” she said at last, “that was a really wonderful dream I was having in that pod. I wouldn’t mind going right back to it.”
“You… you’re rejecting my offer?” Chrysalis gasped. “But I thought-“
“Let’s just say,” Cherry Berry said, “that being imprisoned for two weeks without trial or hearing doesn’t encourage me to want to work with the pony who ordered it done. No matter how nice the dreams were.”
“But… but… but we need you!” Chrysalis insisted. “We’ve come so far already! We can provide so much for you!” No, calm down, she reminded herself. Queens do not grovel. “At least look and see what we’ve done so far before you make your decision.”
Cherry Berry cocked an eye at the changeling queen dubiously, then shrugged. “Fine,” she said. “It can’t hurt, anyway.”
From the Canterlot Royal Astronomical Society:
BE IT KNOWN TO ALL:
That through the generous donation of various anonymous contributors, the Canterlot Royal Astronomical Society has assembled a fund which shall be used for prizes to be awarded to those who advance the nascent science of interplanetary flight.
Prizes shall be awarded to those who exceed records for altitude, distance and speed, for those who achieve notable firsts in the history of Equus such as orbiting our homeworld, and for those who complete specific tasks within a certain period of time.
It is to be hoped that these prizes, which range in tens or even hundreds of thousands of bits, shall encourage the various space agencies to follow through on their plans to launch astronauts and return them safely home.
The list of prizes available shall be added to as funding permits and as spaceflight technologies expand the imaginations of our various peoples…
“You did WHAT?”
Chrysalis heard a lot of that as Cherry Berry read the transcripts of her post-experiment debriefings. Other favorite phrases: “What were you THINKING?” And, “Who thought THAT was going to end well?” And, “Are you ponies out of your MINDS?”
Words failed her utterly when she inspected the changeling astronaut corps, who at that point were to the last bug housed in the infirmary. Half of them were in pods to accelerate healing. The other half had casts, slings and bandages on at least two body parts each, but they all also had big grins on their faces. Cherry Berry’s face darkened at the phrases they repeated as their queen passed by: “When can we do it again?” “Your Majesty, I’ve got a great idea!” “Don’t worry, Your Majesty, I know exactly what I did wrong! Next time it’ll WORK!”
And then Cherry Berry was taken outside to see the next prototype space vehicle under construction on what, based on the large, widely scattered scorch marks from explosions, was the launch pad. The construction crew, half a dozen eager changelings, stood at attention while Cherry Berry looked the… thing… up and down.
“It’s a lawn chair glued to the top of a trash bin stuffed full of fireworks,” Cherry Berry said. “It is a cheap, half-rusted LAWN CHAIR glued on top of a BOMB! WHAT were you THINKING? WERE you thinking??”
"Hey, we added a seat belt," the lead groundsbug said. "Safety first!"
Chrysalis sighed. “You may have noticed,” she said quietly, “that my subjects, though faithful and strong and brave, aren’t terribly bright.”
“Would you get on that thing?” Cherry Berry asked, pointing to the device. “Would you put your royal flank in that chair for even a moment, even if you had no intention to launch the thing?”
“Not on a bet,” Chrysalis admitted. “Not even to eat the last slice of cake in all Equestria while Celestia watched.”
“But you expect ME to do it?”
“No,” Chrysalis said. “I expect you to take over this mess, get my subjects pointed in the right direction, and find a way to send me to the moon safely.” She gestured at the ground crew, who were a little bit disappointed that their work had been found wanting. “They’re eager to do this. They’ll do anything. That’s the problem. If you can show them the RIGHT thing to do, then you’ll turn our biggest weakness into our biggest strength.”
Cherry Berry stood and thought this over for over a minute. “To be clear,” she said at last, “what is your primary goal for this program? What’s the one thing you want it to do?”
“I want,” Chrysalis said, “to be the first on the surface of the Moon. Second place is no good. I have to get there before anypony else. That’s the goal.”
Cherry Berry nodded. “Fine,” she said. “Then here are my conditions. First, you learn to fly. If you want to go to the moon you have to become a pilot first. That means training and learning, under my supervision.”
Chrysalis nodded. “Provided sufficient respect is shown to my rank, that is acceptable.”
“Second,” Cherry Berry said, “I have absolute authority over the space program. I make the decisions. And all those decisions will move this program towards the final goal of sending you to the moon and bringing you back safely.”
Chrysalis bristled. “I’m not going to let you unseat me as ruler of my own hive, pony.”
“I don’t care about your politics. I don’t even care if you’re still kidnapping ponies and sucking them dry of love, or whatever you do- well, that’s a lie, I do care, but not enough to try to make you stop it,” Cherry Berry said. “But on all matters directly related to space, I’m in charge. And you back me up every step of the way, or nothing flies.”
Chrysalis considered the point. She disliked giving an outsider absolute authority on anything… but… well, she’d admitted that she didn’t know what she was doing. And she could always renege on the terms whenever she felt like it, anyway. “Within those limits, your terms are acceptable,” she said reluctantly.
“You fly in nothing at all until I’ve test-flown it first,” Cherry Berry said.
“Of course,” Chrysalis agreed.
“And you provide the money,” Cherry Berry concluded. “Because we’re going to need to spend a LOT of money.”
Chrysalis choked. “Spend money?” she gasped. “Changelings have no need for money!”
“Well, now you do,” Cherry Berry said. “We need either Warner von Brawn or Goddard the Griffon, preferably both. We need technicians to build the vehicles- I know the theory, but I don’t know anything about electronics or magical engineering or metalworking, and we’re going to need those skills and more. We’re going to need a proper airfield and vehicle assembly facility built, which means we’ll need the land for that. And if you try kidnapping or stealing to make that happen, I’m out. Just because I want something more than anything, doesn’t mean I’m willing to do anything to get it.”
That last bit of logic made no sense to Chrysalis whatever; if you want something, why not do anything necessary to get it? But mass kidnapping of skilled workers would, indeed, trigger a war with Celestia which would make the moon impossible. “Fine,” she said at last. “At least we have a lot of money just lying around.”
“Good,” Cherry Berry said. “You’re going to need it, and probably more besides.”
“Do you have any more conditions?” Chrysalis asked.
“No,” the earth pony replied, shrugging. “That’s the bare minimum I need to make this work. Anything else that comes up, we can discuss then.”
“Then we are agreed,” Chrysalis nodded. “Welcome to the Changeling Space Program, Cherry Berry.”
The two formally shook hooves.
“Oh, there you are, Your Majesty.” Occupant trotted up to the group by the launch vehicle, a bundle of mail tucked under one hoof. “Mail call. Got a letter for Double Face if he’s still around.” He noticed the pony and turned to face her. “Oh, hi, Jebediah!”
“IT’S CHERRY BERRY!” both Cherry and Chrysalis shouted.
“Ow!” Occupant said, rubbing his ear ridges. “No need to shout. I can hear you just fine.”