Despite the farmer’s desperation, the flames didn’t seem to be spreading very fast, so Bon Bon took the lead in searching the farm thoroughly for any sort of treasure. There were mad cows around, but they couldn’t really hide – not even in the wheat fields, which were too well-trampled – and part of their madness seemed to make them walk back and forth in predictable patterns.
“Shouldn’t we be fighting them?” Moondancer asked.
“I want to gather up all the treasure first,” Bon Bon said. “The way they’re moving, they’re meant to be avoided, which means some of the treasure might vanish if we start fighting too soon.”
“Like, they’ll trample the rest of the wheat?” Spike asked.
“Maybe,” Bon Bon said, turning and looking at some surviving stalks. “Huh, I guess wheat might count as treasure.”
They managed to find a bunch of wheat and some radishes in the parts of the fields which hadn’t been set on fire yet, some golz in a small bag hanging from an abandoned plow, and a fancy straw hat on the scarecrow, which Bon Bon wanted to give to Derpy.
“But I’m a pirate! I like my pirate hat,” Derpy said, frowning.
“But it’s so cute on you! No one will want to attack you with a hat like that,” Bon Bon explained. She grabbed the hat off the scarecrow – it was a bit out of her reach, but she was able to knock the fragile construct over, and then fish the hat out of the pile of hay and sticks. “Look! It even matches your mane.”
“It does kind of suit you,” Spike said. “Makes you look harmless, so you can heal us without being bothered.”
“If you don’t want it, I’ll wear it,” Moondancer said. “I’m all in favor of not being attacked.”
“Eh, it’d just look stupid on a wizard,” Spike said, trying to imagine the hat with her robes.
“Fiiine,” Derpy said, pouting.
“Caw,” said a nearby crow.
Derpy turned to look at it. “Excuse me?”
“Caw caw,” said another crow, as three more landed behind her.
Derpy took off into the air. “Bon Bon? I don’t think the hat is working!” More crows started to swarm around them, appearing from all directions.
“Quick! Act like a scarecrow!” Spike said.
Derpy froze in place, dropping to the ground as her flapping stopped, and wobbled on stiff legs. The crows all immediately lifted off and flew away from her, terrified.
“I can’t believe that worked,” Moondancer said.
“CAAAAW!” cried the crows, a cacophony of raucous shrieks, as they formed a giant crow made out of crows. Gusts of wind buffeted the ponies (and dragon) below as it flapped.
Spike raised his sword and gave a brave cry as he charged the monster, which dove at him in turn, skimming just off the ground. He swung at the side of its head, holding his shield to block the beak… but since it was made out of smaller birds, they just flowed to either side and engulfed him. After it passed he spun around several times, dizzily, and fell to his knees.
“Great Muffin…” Derpy prayed, summoning a muffin to heal the dragon.
“Let me try,” Bon Bon said, leaping into the air and falling towards the crow’s back, her ladle held ready to bash it in the base of its skull. Unfortunately, the swarm of crows didn’t have a solid enough surface for her to land on, and she plunged into its depths, emerging below it battered and dazed, just like Spike.
“Dark Eidous!”
Moondancer’s lightning bolt arced through the crow construct, illuminating the insides of dozens of crows as it incinerated them. Bones and ash rained down in its wake.
The massive head turned towards her, hundreds of beady eyes narrowing their gaze at their tormentor, and Moondancer curled up and cast a bubble around herself. The crows dove at her, with bloodthirsty caws, but when they passed she was unharmed, and instead dozens more of the crows lay unconscious on the ground where they’d fallen after knocking themselves out against the transparent force field.
“Ele—mmmph!” Bon Bon said, as Derpy shoved a muffin in her mouth. She quickly chewed and swallowed. “Elemental attacks seem to work best!”
“I think I knocked out a few with my shield, too,” Spike said. “But check out this!” He took a deep breath, and then, as the crows reoriented themselves for another pass on Moondancer, threw his head forwards and let out a massive belch of fire.
The birds shrieked as one as the belly and legs of their construct were consumed, and the giant crow-gestalt threw back its head and gave a thousand-voiced caw…
“Dark Eidous!”
Lightning struck it directly in its open mouth, running the length of its neck and through what remained of its body. There was a rustle of wings, as the individual crows scattered, and the construct was gone.
“Stupid hat,” Derpy said, throwing it to the ground.
“Hey!” Bon Bon snapped, picking it up and tossing it back onto her head. “We fought an optional boss for that hat! You’re going to wear it and you’re going to like it.”
“You aren’t the boss of me,” she grumbled.
“Actually, we made her party leader while we were searching for treasure,” Spike said.
Derpy sighed, and adjusted the hat on her head. She kept frowning, though. They couldn’t take that from her.
===
At Bon Bon’s insistence, they pushed aside the half-open doors and entered the old barn. The barn was on fire, but like the fields the fire didn’t seem to be spreading very fast, so she thought it was probably safe. Moondancer and Derpy weren’t so sure, but Spike thought it was silly to be afraid of fire in the first place, so as the party leader Bon Bon got to break the tie.
There were more mad cows walking back and forth in patterns inside, and Bon Bon and the others dodged past whenever they saw a gap in the pattern, weaving their way past piles of burning hay and large farm machinery. About halfway through, Moondancer pointed out one cow that wasn’t moving.
“Maybe she’s sane? We should try and talk to her.”
“I doubt it,” Bon Bon said, looking at her closely. “She’s got that crazy look in her eyes. But she’s standing in front of a chest.”
“More of a crate,” Moondancer said. “Probably full of farm equipment.”
Bon Bon shrugged. “Let’s take her out and see.”
The headed in that direction, but before Bon Bon could attack, Derpy rushed forwards and landed just in front of the cow. “Hi!” she said. “Are you evil?”
The cow seemed to see her for the first time, looking up with orange flames reflecting in her eyes. “Our lord Baalzebull has freed us from the cycle of milk and death,” she said, the cowbell around her neck giving a mournful clonk. “At last, we are free to do as we will.”
“Then why are you all walking back and forth, over and over?” Derpy asked.
“We are cows,” she said, bowing her head and letting her bell give another ‘clonk’. “We like walking back and forth. It completes us. No longer are we constrained to a single point by the walls of our prison – now we can expand our horizon to a one-dimensional line!”
Derpy nodded, frowning. “So why are you just standing here? Shouldn’t you be walking back and forth too?”
“Baalzebull has ordered me to guard his greatest treasure,” the cow replied. “And so I choose freely to stand in a single location, even without walls.”
“Maybe we could guard the treasure for you?” Spike suggested, from a couple places back in line.
“The task was given to me, but lo, my hooves do desire to wander,” the cow replied. She lifted her head, and her bell ‘clonk’ed. “Prove to me that you are worthy guardians, and I shall join my sisters in the blessed cycle.”
“So we have to fight her anyway?” Bon Bon asked. “Typical.”
“Let me,” Moondancer said, shouldering past Spike, Bon Bon, and pushing Derpy aside. She tried to do the same to the cow, but the cow didn’t move. She sighed heavily. “Fine, I’ll do it from here.” She pointed her staff past the cow, and said, “Big Bee’s Bubble.” A wobbling force field appeared around the chest. “There, it’s safe.”
The cow blinked, and turned to look at the chest. She poked at the bubble, which wobbled a bit, then lowered her head and bashed at it with her horns. Moondancer winced a bit, but the bubble held.
The cow nodded her head to Moondancer, with another ‘klonk’. “Yes, that will do. I go now to join my sisters.”
Derpy smiled to her, hovering up as the cow wandered past her. “Have fun!”
The cow blinked, a dull look in her eyes. “Moo.”
Once she was gone, Moondancer dispelled the bubble, and they opened the box, which was full of farm equipment, as predicted.
“Oh, this is nice,” Moondancer said, lifting a large scythe out of the box. The blade was razor-sharp, and the pole portion was heavily detailed. “Why does an earth pony farm even have this? It’s far too large to hold in your mouth.”
“You hook it behind your fetlocks,” Bon Bon said.
“Can you still do magic with it?” Spike asked. “I’m not sure it really counts as a staff.”
“I’m a unicorn, not Harry Trotter,” Moondancer said, “I do magic with my horn.”
“She who does magic with a staff has forgotten the face of her mother,” Derpy recited.
Moondancer stared. “What?”
Derpy chuckled nervously. “Um… never mind.”