A/N: I like how the first 'similar story' is a clop fic. So similar, the resemblance is uncanny. :D
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Does anyone have any idea why I keep falling into random holes to the middle of the earth? No? Well, that's one mystery that will never be solved.
And let me tell you, does it suck to have this as something that happens every other day. The wind rushing past my face, a looming darkness growing larger with every passing second, any hope of getting out fading into nothingness. Then in an ironic twist, I am going to die from old age. I don't think that's actually ironic, but oh well.
And lucky for me, that twist might just happen. I did not die, or even fall for very long when I tripped. Almost as soon as my feet left the ground, I felt a tugging force stop my motion. When I was left just dangling over nothing, I began to squirm around. A lot.
"Will sho quit sqhirming so mush!?"
I stopped my frantic movement, and let myself be pulled from the ravine. When my feet touched down on solid ground, I would have kissed the floor if I didn't have a better idea in mind.
Without missing a beat, I turned around and gave Twilight Sparkle the biggest hug she will ever receive in her lifetime. Maybe even after her lifetime too, I don't know. And let me tell you, it was so God-damn satisfying. I am the only brony to have ever hugged Twilight Sparkle. Probably. Hopefully.
She tried to get away almost immediately, the close contact too much for her, but I only let go after a few seconds. By a few I mean twenty. Or maybe thirty, I lost count. She looked stunned when she finally got away from me, and her face was the greatest face ever. she was cross-eyed, spinning and all, with a little 'o' for a mouth.
I laughed and stood up. Then I turned to inspect the gaping maw of the earth that tried to end my life via eating me. The library was basically torn in half, the walls themselves splitting at the base. I felt sad, because now Twilight can't live in a tree. Tree-less Twilight is no fun. :(>
I heard Twilight trot up behind me, and look at the wreckage around her. I didn't say anything, because nothing needed to be said. At some point, I heard the echo of a tear drip down to the warped wooden floor, and the sadness inside of me grew even larger.
"L-lets go check on the rest of town, see if a-anypony needs help."
I nodded, before making an astounding realization. Very few ponies knew about me and what I am. This could be a problem since, you know... I'm an alien. We'll just have to see what happens, though, won't we?
At least the library was still standing though, right? That's a plus in my book. Just take some... tar... and fill in the holes? No, tar doesn't sound like the right thing to use. Duck tape again? (I really should get some new jokes soon. These old ones have out lived their one use warranty)
Anyways, as soon as I and Twilight stepped out of the library, I got stares. I mean, I couldn't even tell I was in sight when I felt their probing eyes on me. It was the most uncomfortable I have ever been, not counting the near death scenarios. Or am I counting those? I don't know... *shrug*
As we quickly glanced at the nearby houses, it was apparent this wasn't a terrorist attack on just Twilight's house. Many other houses were better and worse off, some with only a few cracks, others rendered into heaps of rubble. It was like one of those depressing pictures with the stretching wastelands and smoke and ash and stuff, but this was real, and that made it so much worse.
I could see the plain fear evident on everypony's face, too. Not from me, either, they couldn't have given less shits about me. The crushing reality of their homes being demolished wasn't one they faced every other day, and I could only imagine what the suffering they felt was like. Much worse than eating pancakes, I'd guess.
Then I saw a rainbow blur streaking from house to house in the sky. That brought a smile to my face, knowing that Dash was helping... somehow. I can't tell from this distance. Maybe she's passing out teddy bears. Curses, now I want a teddy bear. Hey, Dash! Over here!
Anyways, now I could feel even more stares on me, so I assume that notice of me was taking hold. Hushed whispers were all I could hear, and they didn't do me too much good. Then I heard a loud gasp from my left.
Standing on a small rise in the road, was Pinkie Pie. She was staring straight at me, doing her trademarked gasp. God I love that gasp. Never change, Pinkie, never change.
Also, she had a tray of churros on her back. Churros. In the middle of a disaster area. See, this is why she's best pony, guys! She brings the churros! What would you do without the churros?
Then she ran up and shoved her face into mine. I would make a joke about personal space, but I don't think those words exist in Pinkie's mind, so its kind of pointless.
"What are you? because I've never seen you before so it means your new, and if your new you must be lonel- hi Twilight! -lonely, and if your lonely you probably didn't get your daily dose of cupcake, *GASP* have a cupcake!"
Without further ado, I present to you Pinkie shoving a cupcake into my mouth.
"..."
What? I don't have a camera. Go use Photoshop or something if you want a picture of Pinkie force feeding people.
*ahem* Something was happening right now, correct? Okay, lets try this again. I tried to back away from the mass of pink that somehow reached my head, and failed. She kept with me like a, a... I don't know, a missile! Pinkie missile, AWAAAAAAAAAAAY~!
"Uh, my name is Braxton, nice to meet you...?"
She gasped again (so adorable /)^3^(\ ) and then shook my hoof... NO! Wait, I have a hand, right! I have been here too long, haven't I? Yeah...
"Well, plesure to meet you, Braxton! My name is Pinkie Pie by the way, but you can call me BIll!"
Does she know that she is filling me with euphoria with every act of pure unrefined random that spills out of her mouth? Do. Not. Stop, Pinkie Pie. This is the greatest day of my life. No, this is the greatest day of anyone's life. I stole your life, because I am actually the Grim Reaper. Bow down, mortal fools!
"I see you've already met Pinkie, then?"
I turned around and saw Twilight standing there with a bemused expression. You and your bemusement. I have Pinkie, I need nothing else! NOTHING! "Indeed I have, Twilight. She is really random, which in all honesty is hilarious." Understatement of the century, me. Understatement of the century.
Pinkie let out another gasp. I swear, I am going to have to sqee at this point, stop doing this to me! Your tearing me apart, Pinkie!
"You know Braxton? Oh, that is the most wonderful-iffic thing ever! We're already the best-est-ur-ful of buds!" I just smiled like a maniac and nodded. Did I say this was awesome yet?
Twilight gave a chuckle, before dragging me behind her with magic. "Well, we're needed elsewhere, so see you later Pinkie!"
"See ya, Twilight!"
I was to happy to care that we had left the wonderful company of Pinkie. She just... fills you with derp! It is the greatest feeling in this world, and probably a few others. Only after a few blocks did I notice that we were no longer with her. "Where did Pinkie go? I miss her already."
"I think you've become freinds with her faster than anypony else I know."
Wait, you mean Pinkie, the Pinkie Pie has trouble making friends? I shall travel to the offending soul's homes and vanquish their mortal shells to the deepest pit of hell known to ponykind, which probably aren't that deep, since this is Equestria we're talking about.
We stopped at many different houses and businesses, where we cleared away rubble, salvaged what we could, and generally helped out. After the first few visits we gave, news had spread about me, so ponies stopped asking, which saved more time than you might think. They still gave me hilariously weird looks, though.
Now we stood back at the library's warped doorway. The frame was bent, and the door had split in half, falling to the ground. We stepped through, and nothing had changed from the looks of things. I didn't think anything would change, other than maybe demons crawling out of the pit, but that's just me.
I heard Twilight sigh besides me, and I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I was given permission to live here by The Princess herself, you know. It really meant a lot to me. The nice smell of books, tons of knowledge at my hoof-tips. I'll miss it a lot."
I just nodded. "At least you still have good friends to lean on, right?"
She gave a little smile. "Yeah, I guess that's true. I wonder who I'll stay with...?"
"Well, me for one, but other than that, no idea."
She giggled. "I hope my friends will let you stay with me. You're not exactly..."
"Normal?"
"I wouldn't put it that wa-"
"Yes you would."
Another giggle. Twilight, do you know about the other forms of laughter? Because there are many more than giggling. Like chortling, guffawing, ho ho ho-ing, the list is endless! And you say you know a lot. For shame.
Just then we heard a knock. Twilight and I turned around, and saw Applejack leaning against the frame. She was looking me over, scrutinizing me. It was really uncomfortable, and a chill went up my spine. The books don't lie when they say that happens a lot.
"So 'yur the creature 'erypony's talkin' 'bout." She said this as a statement of fact, not a question. I don't know why she would need to ask that, its pretty obvious, don't you think?
"Yes, I am. My name is Braxton, what's yours?"
"Applejack. Pleasure meetin' you."
"Likewise."
She looked around at the damage done to the library, then whistled. "Looks like the 'quake did a number on the library, Twi'. Ya'll can stay at the barn ifn' you need to."
Twilight perked up. "Really? Oh, thank you Applejack! But um, is it okay if Braxton stays as well?"
I wasn't sure if the expression Applejack gave was portraying 'ludicrous' or 'are you bucking insane'. "I guess so, ifn' he has nowhere else to go."
I gave her a nice, big ol' smile. "Thank you, Applejack! You don't know what that means to me."
"Ah reckin' ah don't."
And so we began the trek to the Apple Family Orchard. Or farm. Which is it, a farm or an orchard? They call it a farm, but they grow fruit. Now I have that terrible feeling of 'bluh'.
On our little walk, my eyes were drawn to the bright colors of the Ponyville homes. You don't see bright pink and white houses on Earth, do you? Although there probably is somebody who did that, but I have no way of knowing that anymore.
We passed by Pinkie again, and grabbed some churros to munch on. I have no idea what was in them, but they tasted good, so what the hay!
Now rendered without anything to do, I thought. I just thought about everything. I was in Equestria, the dream that every self respecting Brony dreams. I have met Twilght Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and now Applejack. They are all awesome, though I can't really tell with Applejack yet. So far she's just like, "I 'ave an accent!" and that's all. Not much to base my opinion on so far.
Then we have the scenario I'm in. I haven't been stalked by angry mobs with torches and pitchforks, so that's a good sign. Twilight has been completely open and comfertable with me (at times too comfortable...) and doesn't act nervous. Rainbow Dash is ditto, Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie, and Applejack doesn't trust me. I think. I can't really tell.
Oh, and the small case of earth quaking. Just a little cliff note, but we should still look at it. Does Equestria have fault lines? That would suck. "Long ago, in the land known as Equestr- look out! The quakes are back! RUN FOR THE HILLS!" Anyway, I hope the quakes are going to stop. For a long time.
I was pulled from my mental state of thinking by the tap of a hoof on my side. "Hey, Braxton, remember that weird episode I had with the strange magical feeling?"
*facepalm* How could I forget that!? "Yeah, what about them? They stopped, right? They better have stopped."
"That's the thing. There's still an uncomfortable feeling in my chest. I think whatever it was, is still there."
Feel the wind? that's death! Smell the air? That's death! Feel that itching on the back of you neck? That's probably a mosquito... mosquito of death!
"Did you get a reply from Celestia?"
At this, Twilight gave a face-hoof of her own. And boy, was it a spectacular face-hoof! Loud smack and everything! "Oh, Spike is still at the libray! I told him to stay and look over things!"
Wait, when did you tell him that? I don't remember missing any part of, you know... being at the library. I didn't even notice that the little guy was missing. First aliens, then earthquakes. It just isn't his day, is it? Nope, its Joe's day. Every other Tuesday. Is it even Tuesday?
"Should we go back and check?"
"yes, yes we should! Sorry Applejack! I have to get something back at the library! You go on ahead, I know the way."
"Well sure, sugarcube! See you in a jiffy!"
~CATCHPHRASE USED! SUPER EFFECTIVE! A-MAZ-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!~
Sorry, that was just too awesome. I have heard somepony's catchphrase, guys! I AM NOW GOD. *gets struck by lightning*
Fake lightning aside, Twilight and I sprinted back to the library in what I can only assume would make Rainbow Dash proud. Or laugh. Probably laugh. In fact , I see her laughing in the sky right now. One day, I shall have my revenge. Much tickling will be done.
Eventually we reached the ruined libray, and ran/galloped inside. Spike was dusting (of all the things to do, you pick dusting. Really), and looked up at us in surprise. "Back already?"
"Spike, did Princess Celestia return my message yet?"
"Indeed she did, Twi. One moment!"
Spike ran up the tilted stairs, and only a few seconds later came back down clutching a scroll in his tiny little claws. "Here it is!"
Twilight magicked it out of his hand and into the air in front of her, then unrolled it. Her face remained passive, and me and Spike got really nervous. The nerve-racking kind of nervous.
"Well, what did it say?" I exclaimed, barely containing my excitement for what was to come.
"Hold your horses (ha! Pony pun!), I'll read it. *ahem*"
My dearest student,
I too sensed the disturbance in the natural magic. Neither me or Luna know the source, and the continuation of this anomaly is not bearing anything good, of that I am certain. If you can track down and find the source of this disturbance, it would be a great service to Equestria, my dearest student Twilight Sparkle. I have extreme faith in you.
Signed, Princess Celestia
Oh. My God. I just heard a letter from the princess of the greatest land known to humanity. Let me express my happiness below.
HISDFHIASNDFGUIEA!FNIAUFNIUH!AFNIJASHNUI FHAUIFH??MUI ADIJASHf SIA!FH KAFAFH AUHF UEHF OASHF HFO HAOSIFJ O FIOASH FVIOS AFIOH AIOSDFH AHSOFH AISJF IHFOIAJS FMONKEY HF !AHFO IHAFIH ASUFHIOHIHQ@#*YQ*#YV (QWYR *QYW )YU 0R*FY!UQ) WE(RY) Q#*YU t*Y#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That felt good to get off of my chest. All those letters, just sitting uselessly in my throat! Had to do something with them. Even if it was an incoherent pile of idiocy, it was still something.
I think I was shacking on my feet with a maniac grin, because Twilight and Spike looked terrified. I quickly calmed down. They didn't look any less scared. "Its an Earth thing." The greatest fallback ever created, other than 'I need to murder the skunk, before the squirrel armies come!'
They still didn't look any less frightened. "Look, whatever I did that scared you, I won't do it again. alright?"
Twilight's brain just decided that whatever horror I committed wasn't worth it, and she just moved right the hay on. "Anyway, we should gather up the Elements of Harmony and scout out the disturbance a.s.a.p!"
I feigned ignorance. "What are the Elements of Harmony?"
"The Elements of Harmony are ancient artifacts and ideas that are the root of ponykind. They were used to seal away a spirit of chaos more than a thousand years ago, and exactly a thousand years ago, free Princess Celestia's sister, Luna, from a horrible hatred that had consumed her. Me and my friends are now the representations of these ideas, and can use then to purge disharmony from the world."
Wow. That makes you sound like some sort of god, Twilight. Not that that isn't the truth, but wow. Never really thought about how... odd the story of the Elements of Harmony is. Weird.
"Well, I guess that answers my question. So, we go round up your friends, and then go questing for the big bad magic thing?"
"Um, I think so?"
"Well, we better get started, right?"
And so I went on a great journey with the Mane Six. And it. Was. Glorious!
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A/N: And yet another chapter completed! Did you all hear the Want It Need It cover by Miu? because if you haven't here it is. If you have, here it is.