//------------------------------//
// Ch 15: Time Is On My Side 
// Story: Equestria's Mark 
// by MasterZadok 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 15
Time is on My Side


“Changelings… Why is it always changelings?” My eyes narrowed at the swarm of indistinguishable black bodies skittering around me. Their bug-like eyes leered at me from every direction and from within their narrow jaws, sharp fangs gleamed in the low light.
“Since when is it ‘always’ changelings?” A disembodied voice slithered through the air.
“Please.” I chuckled. “You minions are just faceless cannon fodder! First, you got roasted at the wedding, and then got follow-up whoopings from the fanimations ‘Once Upon a Time in Canterlot’ and its sequel, ‘Guardian’. You appear in the Gameloft game only to get banished over and over again and heck, you even appeared in ‘Rhythm is Magic’ for chopping practice. And let’s not go into the comics. Face it, as far as minions go, you’re on the same level as storm troopers and koopas.”
“Silence! I kill you!” The space around me constricted as my foes encroached upon every side. When I spoke again, it was in Johnny Depp’s voice,
“Aye, but you forgot one very important thing, mate.”
“What’s that?” The ring of fangs surrounded me like barbed wire.
“I’m captain Jack Sparrow.” A smirk splashed across my face. The room fell into confused silence.
“No you’re not!” The changelings hissed.
“Nah, you’re right.” I pulled a black mask over my mouth and held two fingers in front of my face. “I’m a ninja!”
As fast as thought, I materialized behind the closest assailant and smashed a shinai into the back of its head. By the time their muffled yelp had reached my ears, I was already on the far side of the room, repeating the process. Star Fox, Pikachu, even Sonic would have been hard pressed to follow my movements as I dove into the heart of the changeling army, a one-man tempest.
I burst through their line and hugged the ground as my momentum carried me across the floor like a curling stone. The relentless swarm pursued me like iron filings chasing a magnet, their angry wings beating the air into a hurricane as they took flight. I flicked my hands upwards and the first six assailants fell to the ground, steel shuriken buried in their chests.
“Enough!” Dozens of popping noises, like erupting corn, filed the air and flashes of green fire encircled me. In their wake, snarling black changelings apparated with curled lips and taut muscles. The curved horn in their foreheads blazed with malevolent energy. Once again, a laugh rose from my throat.
“They’re so cute when they’re serious.” My hand floated to my belt and seized a small glass orb. The myriad of mouths around me opened wide for a chance to pierce my throat. I sneered, “It’s high time you learned you’re outclassed.”
I smashed the orb at my feet and leapt skyward like a bottle rocket. Beneath me, the changelings were instantly enveloped by a cloud of pink smoke. As I hung in the air, I could hear their squeals of surprise, the coughing as the gas entered their lungs, and finally their groans as their glassy eyes flickered shut. A series of thumps sounded from the mist as the fearsome changelings feel into a deep sleep.
“… I win.” Chuckling, I fell back towards the battlefield.
However, instead of descending faster and faster, I found myself slowing as if falling through water. Gradually, steadily, I sank until my feet had almost touched the ground.
Then I woke up.
“Mmm, now that’s what I would call a good dream.” I sucked in a heavy dose of atmosphere as my mind resynchronized with my physical body. I was laying on my back in the darkness of Twilight’s house with the moon hanging lazily outside my window. The next few moments were spent basking in the precious afterglow of my delightful reverie before I sent a surge of power into my muscles and leapt to the floor. All thoughts of sleep forgotten, I flipped on a lamp, shoved a pile of alchemy books aside, and slapped a piece of notepaper onto a nearby desk.
“Smoke bombs? Tranquilizer grenade? Sleeping gas? Whatever it was, it’s perfect!” I giggled. Filled with inspiration, my hand began scribbling down details and hashing out sketches of the weapon I had used back in dreamland.
So absorbed in my project was I that I almost didn’t realize I wasn’t the only one foregoing sleep that night. A sliver of orange light squeezed beneath my door and the soft sound of hooffalls echoed from the library. Feeling it was my duty to investigate, I laid down my quill and gently pushed my door open.
“Twilight?” Before me, the purple unicorn was feverishly pacing back and forth, levitating a swarm of calendars around her head and mumbling to herself anxiously. Late-night projects were nothing new for the student, hence her nocturnal pet, but I still figured it was polite to sound concerned.
“Oh, hi Mark.” She said curtly, still pacing.
“No sleep for you, then?” I glanced at the clock on the mantle. The hands were held at a drowsy 3am.
“Of course not! There’s no time for sleep! Who has time to sleep in the middle of a crisis!?”
“Umm… Most of Ponyville, by the looks of it.” I glanced at the deep purple sky outside the windows. “But what do you mean by crisis?” I had a feeling I was going to regret asking.
“Here!” A nebulous purple light snatched a day planner off the floor and thrust it into my hands. “Now do you see what’s wrong?”
“A travesty.” I nodded. “What am I looking at?”
“Look!” A hoof reached over the top of the planner and gestured at the days. “I just finished planning my schedule for the month, but I forgot to leave time to plan for next month! Don’t you see? There’s no time in my schedule to put together another schedule!”
“Again? Didn’t you do this last time too?” Funny thing was, she had. Two months ago, she had forgotten to schedule time to write last month’s schedule. Apparently, in her frantic bid to reschedule her schedule from two months ago, she had forgotten to schedule in time to write a schedule for herself about scheduling in time to schedule time for this month’s schedule. (Show of hands, did we lose anyone? *raises hand*)
“And I woke up from an ice cream dream for this…” I looked up to see Spike at the top of the stairs, squinting in the lamplight. He grumbled and turned back to the welcoming embrace of his bedsheets.
“Let me see what you have so far.” My voice bore all the hallmarks of a person who thought Twilight’s problem hardly qualified as a ‘crisis’, but knew how much it meant to her anyway. She hesitated, as if afraid letting me read her calendar would cut into her schedule even more, but finally relented. I scanned over the rows and columns while I picked sleep out of my eyes.
“I could move my meeting with the Ponyville Hay Board to the following Tuesday,” Her eyes searched the air above her. “but then I have to reschedule my lunch with Pinkie Pie, and you know what a nightmare she is with scheduling. This is an absolute disaster. My whole year could be thrown off!”
“Solved it.” I announced.
“What? How!?” Twilight’s misty aura snatched the planner out of my hand so quickly, it nearly pulled me over.
“It’s simple, really. You forgot one very important factor. Me.” I tapped Tuesday (or, the Equestrian equivalent) “I could do the grocery run for you today and boom! There’s the half-hour you need.”
“I hadn’t thought of that…” She pondered.
“Kind of figured.” Relying on others for help wasn’t a friendship lesson that’d fully take root in the young student until ‘The Crystal Empire pt. II’.
“Well, that’s very thoughtful of you, Mark. Thanks.” Twilight Sparkle stopped pacing and her breathing returned to its regular, steady rhythm. She suddenly looked at me as if she had just realized that I was standing there. “What are you doing up at three in the morning?”
“Oh, you know, stuff.” I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder. “Got an awesome idea for an area-of-effect sleeping potion.”
“Ooh, may I see it?” The unicorn’s ears perked up. I quickly retrieved my notes and explained, somewhat sheepishly,
“It’s just a concept right now, but the idea is to neutralize hostile creatures quickly and safely. Think of it as a delivery system for the ultimate riot suppressant.”
“And, what method were you going to use to diffuse the potion?” Twilight’s purple eyes flitted over a drawing of a circle with arrows radiating out of it like the spokes of a wheel.
“See, that’s the thing. I don’t know.” I scratched the back of my head. “At first, I was thinking of just pressurizing the potion or even putting a small explosive inside, but-”
“But then you’d need custom reinforced bottles and you’d still have to worry about flying shrapnel.” The student nodded. “If I were you, I’d add a self-repelling compound, like thunder dust, into your potion. It wouldn’t be explosive, but it would still distribute a uniform amount of potion over a symmetrical area in seconds. It’s also safer to bottle, since you can use a decaying formula to pour it at room temperature and then let it mature over a day or so. I’d recommend moonmist as your sleep potion since it’s a stable liquid, but will quickly evaporate once released.”
“That’s… a better idea than sticking a cherry bomb in a cup of ether.” I conceded, a little abashed at my own redneck design. To redeem myself, I added, “And, if I made a mask laced with those same thunder dust ions, it would repel the fumes and keep the wearer from being affected.”
Twilight Sparkle glanced at the clock once more and did a quick mental calculation.
“If you agree to do the grocery run for the rest of the week, and clean Owlowiscious’s perch tomorrow, I could help you put the finishing touches on your invention.”
“Deal.” To me, the cost was well worth the reward. Especially when considering what ‘hostile creatures’ had inspired me.
A couple hours later, the distant call of a rooster heralded the return of the sun. Twilight Sparkle and I were huddled over the results of our night’s work, oblivious to the golden rays that slowly overwhelmed our feeble lamplight. Before us, a finalized recipe for the ‘sleep grenade’ had been compiled and all that was left was to pen the last ingredient ratios.
“If I’ve got this right, the dust ions form a stable spread plateau at about fifteen percent, resulting in maximum spread at minimum volume.”
“Heh, ‘if’.” I chuckled. “Give yourself some credit, Twilight, you’re brilliant.” A gentle breeze licked the back of my neck.
“You can use my aether vat,” Twilight offered, “But you’ll have to wait until I’m done with my polish potions homework. We really need to get you your own lab.” A wave of wind swept up her notes like tree leaves.
“Can’t wait.” I smiled, holding down my potions recipe so that it wouldn’t blow away. A thoughtful frown creased my face as I finally glanced over my shoulder. “Hey, did someone leave the door open?”
“What did you say?” My friend looked up just in time to see a glittering ember fly past her nose. “Huh?”
It was only then that the two of us noticed the churning singularity that had blossomed in the middle of the library. The phenomena, a ringing, sparking, mote of light was whipping the atmosphere into a frenzy, scattering books and papers in all directions. I could feel the heaviness of magic drench the room and a harsh pulsing light, like the tip of a welding torch, cut into my eyes. Twilight Sparkle and I sat where we were, mute and dumbfounded by the unprovoked storm.
With one last effort, the point swelled until it was a small sun and then vanished in an instant. In its wake, an exhausted and disheveled pony held herself up on wobbly hooves. The newcomer, a purple unicorn mare, was dressed nape-to-fetlock in a tattered black jumpsuit and sported a patch over one lavender eye. With a subtle scar on her cheek and a singed mane tied high behind a forehead bandage, the pony gave off a fierce mien and, in general, looked all the world like she had just fallen out of an eighties post-apocalyptic movie. At her sudden manifestation, my thoughts started swimming in all directions like a school of frightened fish, but all I managed to articulate was,
“Oh…”
“Aah!” Twilight found her voice as she finally recognized the intruder through its haunting disguise. A fitting response to seeing yourself tattered and weak on the floor. The new (well, technically older) Twilight Sparkle turned her one good eye towards us and leapt to her hooves.
“Twilight! You’ve got to listen to me!” NewTwi panted.
“Who are you?” Twilight flinched. “I mean, you’re me, but I’m me too. How can there be two me’s? It’s not scientifically possible. You are not scientifically possible!” Said the talking purple unicorn magician.
“Twilight, please! I have a very important message for you from the future!” But NewTwi lost her audience yet again.
“You’re from the future!?”
“The ‘Terminator’ lightning wasn’t a giveaway?” I folded my arms, still trying to weigh whether or not I should intervene. Simply putting a hand over MyTwi’s mouth would cancel the entire episode, but I decided that it was a good lesson for her in the long run.
“That’s right, now liste-”
“What happened to you? The future must be awful. Is there some sort of epic pony war in the distant future or something?”
“Don’t interrupt, Twilight.” I spoke up. “Give her a change to talk. She’s obviously come a long way and-”
“Actually, I’m from next Tuesday morning.” NewTwi explained tersely.
“It’s time travel.” I defended. “Going back an hour would be ‘a long way’ if it’s supposed to be impossible.”
“I can’t believe time travel is really possible!” Twilight locked onto my words like a bird on a worm. “How did you, I mean, I figure it out?”
“The time spells are in the Canterlot archives, but that’s not-”
“Really? Where? I’ve never seen them.”
“They’re in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing. Now, you have to listen to-”
“Is time travel fun? Or does it hurt? I-”
“Twilight! You’re not letting Twiclops here get a word in edgewise!”
“Sorry, but I-” NewTwi suddenly stuck a hoof in her younger self’s mouth to stem the flow of questions. She spoke as quickly as she could, but veins of time magic were already beginning to envelop her once more.
“I have something extremely important to tell you about the future! And I only have a few seconds so you’ve got to listen! Whatever you do, don’t-”
There was a deafening humming, the air bent in upon itself and in the next moment, Newtwi was cut off for the last time. All that was left of her were a couple sparks of electricity and a singed spot on the floor.
“Future Twilight?” MyTwi stepped forward uncertainly. I watched as the gravity of what had just happened settled in her stomach like a bowling ball. We both stood in the middle of the library, our bodies stunned motionless as our brains digested what we had just seen. Twilight recovered first, but that’s because her problem was less intricate than mine.
“Oh no! What was she trying to warn me about? Her clothes, her mane, that scar… Oh, what a mess she is! I mean, I am, or, I will be…” She panicked.
“What’s all the noise down there?” Spike stumbled down the stairs, looking thoroughly unamused. “Are you two still practicing magic?”
“Spike!” Twilight sprung on the dragon like a mousetrap. “There’s not a moment to lose! We need to warn everypony! We need to tell them!”
“Tell them wha-?”
“Quick! I need my quills! And ink! And paper!” The student ran circuits around the library as if it were a racetrack. “I need to document this! Every detail! Every clue! Mark, put on your shoes, we’re leaving! Spike, where’s my saddle? No, no time for that! Mark? Mark! What are you standing there for?”
“Huh? Uh, right.” I shook myself awake and repeated, “Right! I’ll be right there, just let me put some clothes on!” And before the frantic pony could object, I had vanished into my room and locked the door behind me. The sounds of her dashing about outside were muted, but that only made me more aware of the blood pounding in my own ears. I took a deep breath to quiet the thoughts buzzing in my head and strode across the room to my bed.
I wasn’t worried about the episode, exactly. ‘It’s About Time’ was harmless enough, and everyone who’d met Twilight Sparkle would agree that she needed more ‘Matthew 6:34’ in her life. No, the thoughts that troubled me were on a slightly larger scale.
“Where are you?” I whispered as I thrust a hand beneath my mattress. My hungry fingers curled around a stiff object. It was a plain notebook, the kind that any school filly could buy for a single bit, but it was in those pages that I had first let my secrets bleed into the physical world. I flipped through the notes, watching as disjointed lines of broken English flew by. It was a journal, by me and for me, and I had taken multiple precautions that nopony could read it except me. (Precautions like using shorthand, hieroglyphs, codenames and my own illegible handwriting.)
No one knew better than me how dangerous it was to keep private information in a book, but I was not Sherlock Holmes and on a bad day, my ‘mind palace’ more closely resembled a van down by the river. However, despite the risk of keeping it, the notebook had come in handy during ‘The Mysterious Mare Do Well’, and even ‘The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000’. I thumbed through a couple more pages and stopped.
“Right…” My eyes skimmed over the page titled ‘I. A. T.’. There were a few lines about time travel and who should be where and when, but about halfway down, the sheet was dominated by one giant symbol scribbled in red ink. A big, fat, gluttonous, ‘T’.
“Tirek...”
I was torn. Day-to-day episodes like ‘It’s About Time’ and ‘The Last Roundup’ were shining moments of personal growth for the girls. Nopony’s lives were put in danger and the lessons they learned empowered them to aid other ponies down the road. I had no qualms (well, very few qualms) about letting my friends attend the school of hard knocks.
Tirek, however, was a heavy topic. (And no, that’s not a jab as how fat he got.) On the one hand, the final moment when Twilight Sparkle surrendered her power for her friends was an experience as heartfelt, if not more so, than the first night they had stood together against Nightmare Moon. The show had come full circle, first showing that friendship was magic via the Elements of Harmony, and then showing how even magic wasn’t worth the price of friendship. According to the episode, a new, purer, version of the power of Harmony was unlocked from the mysterious crystal chest and Twilight Sparkle would gain a gaudy castle to replace her library.
But was all that worth the risk of letting Tirek run free during ‘It’s About Time’? Was I willing to let a magic-guzzling megalomaniac prey on innocent ponies just to teach the girls yet one more friendship lesson? Could I even trust him to play his part? A cold tendril caressed my spine as I remembered how unpredictable villains were this time around. Discord had won his fight, even if he lost the war, the fire dragon had come painfully close to immolating my friends, and Nightmare Moon herself was prepared to murder Twilight Sparkle. How much less would the centaur lord value pony life?
“Mark! Hurry!” A sharp knock on my door caused me to jump.
“Sorry! On my way.” I glanced at the notebook once more and tucked it back into its hiding place. As I ran around the room, pulling on a shirt and a pair of pants, I came to a reluctant compromise. I would investigate Tartarus only after Cerberus gave me a plausible excuse to do so. At that point, if I found a gimpy centaur hobbling around, I would apprehend him. If not, then I would just have to accept the fact that the season 4 finale was still happening.
In the meantime, I had to pretend to be worried about next Tuesday.
Twilight Sparkle had no trouble finding her friends, partly due to Pinkie Pie organizing a breakfast buffet the day before. The hard part was keeping the townsponies from laughing at the librarian’s outlandish story.
“This is no laughing matter!” She pleaded, looking around. “We have a crisis on our hooves!”
The small crowd around her fell quiet and looked at each other uncertainly.
“I’ve just been visited by myself from the future.” In her defense, if there was a way to make that sound convincing, I didn’t know what it was.
After a moment of awkward silence, the ponies broke into giggles again.
“This isn’t a joke!” Twilight glared at the gathering. “My future self tried to warn me about a horrible disaster that’s going to occur sometime before next Tuesday morning!”
“She’s dead serious.” My voice swept over the ponies like a bucket of ice water. “One week from now, something’s going to happen that will make our law-abiding Twilight break the timeline just to warn us about it.”
“What kind of disaster?” Applejack stepped forward.
“I don’t know! I got sucked back into the future before I could explain!” Twilight admitted.
“Run for your liiiiffffe!” Everypony looked over to see Pinkie Pie hovering a few inches off the ground by a flock of balloons. Her legs pumped the air frantically, but uselessly.
“She’s not that dead serious.” I assured the pink pony.
“Whatever should we do, Twilight?” Rarity cried. “How do we stop the disaster if we don’t know what it is?”
“It’s even stickier than that.” I added. A plethora of curious eyes turned towards me. “This is time travel we’re talking about! We’re not talking about this,” my finger traced a triangle shape in the air. “or this,” I replaced it with a square. “we’re talking about this!” I finished with an inverted compound pretzel dodecahedron with looped vector corners.
“Makes sense to me.” Pinkie nodded.
“… Not me…” Fluttershy admitted.
“It’s simple.” The ballooning pony drifted backwards. “He’s wondering if Twilight doing what needs to be done is due to the visit she just gave herself and if that’s the case, then whatever we do would already have been done from future Twilight’s point of view, so we’re only doing what we did to do what we do so that she can redo what she’s already done. Dude!”
“If you say so.” The yellow pegasus smiled nervously.
“Simply put, how do we know that trying to avoid the calamity won’t cause it?” I finished.
“Pistachio!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “Ha! I bet I didn’t say that my future last time.”
“That’s not helping!” Twilight snapped. “We’re going on the theory that this is the first time I used the time spell, so we’re already in a new timeline!”
“Aww…” Pinkie hung her head. “Next time, I was going to say ‘badminton’.”
“We’ll just have to work together to make sure we’re safe this time around.” The unicorn student glanced skyward. “Rainbow Dash, you and the other pegasi spread out over Equestria and look for any kind of problem that could lead to a disaster. And I mean anything.”
“You got it!” With the sound of slicing wind, the cyan pegasus shot off over the rooftops.
“Everypony else-”
“Aaah! Aaaaaah!” Pinkie Pie floated through the crowd, running in mid-air and screaming at the top of her voice. She paused only long enough to extend an invitation, “Anypony else wanna panic with me? No? Aaah! Aaaaaa…”
“Everypony else,” Twilight resumed, “time to disaster-proof Equestria!”
Twilight had always been seen as a semi-leader in the community ever since Winter Wrap-Up, but with the threat of a cryptic disaster looming over the horizon, she showed Ponyville just how authoritative she could be. Safety patrols were organized to comb the neighborhoods, construction crews tested the integrity of every building, and even schoolfillies were conscripted as cleanup crews. Twilight Sparkle’s checklist of precautions stretched longer than Weird Al’s hardware store receipt and needed its own dowel to wrap around. One had to admire her tireless vigil, but I was burnt out after only two days.
“Ugh…” I half-sighed-half-groaned as I lay sprawled across the patio table. Opposite me, Applejack was hungrily pulling apart one of the lunch bags that Fluttershy was passing out. I was just as famished as she was, but for once in my life, the chance to catch my breath was more savory than food.
“You guys back from checking out the Everfree Forest?” Rainbow Dash landed heavily beside me.
“And Froggy Bottom Bog. And the Ghastly Gorge. And the diamond dog hills. And we asked Zecora to track the local manticores for us.” My head bobbed listlessly as I talked with my chin on the wood. “That’s the last time I think out loud around Twilight. All I did was mutter something about how the ‘crisis’ in question may possibly be a creature attack, and she immediately volunteered AJ and I to run the gauntlet around every beastie hotspot she could think of. I’m just glad she didn’t send us to Monstropolis… Yet.”
“But all’s clear.” Applejack shoved a fritter into her mouth.
“Well, me and my team just gave the ok from Fillydelphia all the way to Las Pegasus.” Dash said proudly. “Still didn’t see anything disaster-ish.”
“Oh, Rainbow Dash! You’re back already?” Fluttershy trotted up to our table with another lunch bag in her mouth.
“Flew the route myself.” The blue pegasus stretched her supple wings. “Think I actually set some sort o’ record getting to Applewood!”
“Nothing dangerous, I hope?” Fluttershy asked uncertainly. Everyone around the table shook their heads.
“Well, whatever ‘it’ is, I hope ‘it’ happens soon. The suspense is killing me.” I hauled myself upright and glanced at the distant hills. I wasn’t lying, but by ‘it’, of course, I was referring to Cerberus’s arrival and not Twilight’s imaginary crisis.
Somewhere beyond the horizon’s edge was an enigmatic place called ‘Tartarus’. Despite her extensive trivia knowledge of monster territories, Twilight hadn’t even mentioned the location during my scouting mission. Instead, I was forced to sacrifice precious hours of sleep the previous night to research it myself. Unfortunately, instead of any history on the place or roster of potential inmates, all I found were ambiguous assurances that whatever was in there was safely locked away. Perhaps that’s all Twilight knew about it as well. Aside from its general location, the only remotely relevant thing I had learned about the prison was that even the princesses treated it with the utmost respect.
“You look like a body who could use a nap.” Applejack scrutinized the dark circles beneath my eyes. “You’ve been jumpier than a grasshopper on a fryin’ pan what with the way you keep checking the hills every five seconds.”
“I didn’t realize I was doing it.” I turned back sheepishly.
“What, you think like Ahuizotl is just going to march up to Ponyville with his band of cat henchmen and say ‘Hey guys! Here I am!’?” Rainbow Dash scoffed.
“It may be just that simple.” I shook my head. “But maybe you’re right. Until something actually happens, I’m just jumping at shadows.”
“Well, eat up.” Fluttershy encouraged. “I packed your favorite, Mark. Veggie patty with mayonnaise on a baguette.”
“With extra pickles? Aw, you’re the best.” I finally reached for my bag just as a deep rumble shivered through my stomach. I chuckled, “Guess I was hungrier than I thought.”
“That wasn’t you.” Rainbow Dash and Applejack stared over my shoulder, their mouths no longer chewing. I followed their gaze just as another growl shook the air. It was a deep, baying call. And it sounded like it had three overlapping tones.
“Where’s Cherry Berry?” I sprang to my feet as if my stool had suddenly turned into a porcupine.
“I saw her at the Hay Burger.” Fluttershy blinked.
“Kthanksbye!” I shot off towards the fast food restaurant, quickly stuffing my lunch into a hiking backpack and slinging it over my shoulder. My blood pounded like motor oil in my veins, burning away all thoughts of sleep. The call of Cerberus had reached Ponyville like the trumpet of the Rapture and a panic, like a Black Friday rush, had seized my chest.
I grabbed a streetlight and swung onto the road where the Hay Burger was located. The humble restaurant was enjoying an abnormally-busy lunch hour, what with the way Twilight’s projects prevented most ponies from fixing their own lunches. A line of equines, like a string of Starbursts, stretched from the building’s trot-through window to the far side of the street. It was moving at a drowsy pace, and I glimpsed Cherry Berry’s helmet and goggles only halfway through.
“Cherry!” I skid to a stop beside her like a baseball runner stealing second. “Cherry! We need your balloon!”
“Well, that’s nice, but you also need the pilot, and if you haven’t noticed, she’s on her lunch break.”
“What? Now? But we’ve got to get in the air! We’ve got to go! This is happening now!” My hands trembled as if they were holding an invisible alarm clock.
“Sorry, but so is this.” Cherry Berry stamped a hoof. “I haven’t eaten since before the sun came up and this spot took me fifteen minutes to get. Twilight’s ‘crisis’ will just have to wait until I get a hayburger.”
“Augh! What are you, an RPG NPC!? And I bet you block trainers from reaching Pewter City until you’ve had your coffee, too!” In the distance, the strange howl was getting steadily closer. More than a couple ponies had already noticed it and were casting tentative glances at the countryside. In a few moments, the entire town would be thrown into a frenzy.
My heart splashed into my stomach as my eyes traced the remaining distance between Cherry and the Hay Burger’s window. I watched as a golden-brown stallion, Caramel, tossed a couple bits at the cashier and collected a greasy bag of food. A sudden thought struck me and I dashed after him faster than Usain Bolt.
“Caramel!” I gasped. “Twenty bits for your lunch!”
“Huh?” The stallion muttered around the paper in his mouth.
“Thirty!” I whipped out my wallet.
“But it only costs-”
“Sold!” I dropped the bag of bits at his hooves and caught the food as his mouth dropped open. Without waiting for an answer, I dashed back down the line, shouting over my shoulder, “I’m so sorry!”
“… Anytime…?” Caramel looked uncertainly down at the money and shrugged.
“There! Now! The balloon! Where is it?” I shoved Cherry Berry out of the line and hurried her down the street.
“Where it always is. The platform.” She looked between me and the bag of food. A trace of genuine fear tainted her voice as she finally began to comprehend that I wasn’t just acting funny. “Hey, Mark, you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“What else could it be?” I glanced down at her. “The. Worst. Possible. Thing.” Heck, in all good consciousness, I could have told her it was the end of the world. After all, there was really no understating the fact that Tirek was literally a one-man apocalypse.
We clambered into the Twinkling Balloon and took to the skies just as Cerberus reached the outskirts of town. The titanic guard dog ambled through the streets as subtly as a parade float and as delicately as a tank. Cherry Berry and I looked down upon its midnight-black hide and watched as it explored the little town of dollhouses it had stumbled into. Its three noses swept the streets like industrial vacuum cleaners and it’s barking shook the sky like subwoofers. (No pun intended.) A tiny pink speck with a fluffy pink mane took control of the situation and promptly led the citizenry in a well-organized stampede.
“Shouldn’t we help?” My pilot asked nervously.
“They’re fine.” I dismissed. “Fluttershy’s got it all under control.”
“Fluttershy? Really?” Cherry glanced up at me through her goggles. “You do realize that thing is a walking natural disaster, right?”
“Well, sure, it’s a little lost, but it’s not angry or defensive.” I glanced over the edge of the basket. “Look, its hackles aren’t raised. Just a doggie exploring new territory.”
“Yeah, well, that oversized pup is about to mark Shakin’ Bakin’ as its new ‘territory’.” My pink friend tore her gaze off the colossal canine. “Hey, if we’re not helping the ponies down there, then what did you need to balloon for?” I didn’t answer right away.
“Cerberus is pretty impressive. It’s powerful, ferocious, and can keep two heads awake at all times. He’s the perfect guardian.” A shadow passed over my face. “Well, near-perfect, I should say. All the heads in the world won’t do a guard any good if the body is away from its post. Twilight Sparkle realized this and asked me to make sure nothing gets past Cerberus’s station until she can return him. We’re going to Tartarus.”
“Tartarus?” Cherry Berry blinked. “The place with all the monsters too dangerous to set free?”
“Just head towards the Badlands.” I pointed with my chin. “I’ll direct you as we go.”
“Whew…” My friend set our course and finally slumped down to eat her lunch. “If I knew why you wanted my help, I’d have told you to find a bigger balloon.”
Our aircraft glided above Equestria’s velveted green hills, over the waterfall-speckled forests, and through the toothy canyons of the mountains. The greenery steadily fell away, replaced by knifelike bronze rocks and leering cliff faces. By the time we reached the Badlands, I half-expected to see a scrawny coyote chasing a blue roadrunner across the landscape, but alas, the only things that moved were tumbleweeds and dust devils. Finally, just as the sun began to turn amber, we caught sight of our destination.
I suppose the Gates of Tartarus would look underwhelming to someone who was expecting a grand, ornate piece of sinister architecture like Mordor’s Black Gate, but that would be like a tourist being disappointed to find the Grand Canyon when they were expecting the Empire State Building. Apples and Oranges. There were no ‘gates’ as designed by an architect, but it was impossible to mistake the massive abyss that yawned beneath our little balloon as anything other than a portal to the foundations of the world. The so-called Gates of Tartarus was a sinkhole where an ancient volcano had collapsed in upon itself, leaving a jagged well of ash-grey stone behind. Though it looked like a mere hoofprint from a distance, the sheer scale of the depression could have swallowed all of Canterlot and still have enough room for Sauron’s spiky picket fence for dessert.
“We’ve got to get down there before we lose our visibility.” I glanced at the sky’s sinking ball of light nervously. Already, more than half of the Gate was blanketed in shadow.
“That’s not going to happen.” Cherry Berry glanced around fearfully, her ears twisted in every direction. “There’s something weird about this place. The temperature, the currents, everything just feels… off. Sorry, but I’m not bringing the balloon into that if there’s a chance we’re going to get stranded overnight.”
“Alright, then.” My tone made it obvious that I was not alright. “See that plateau? Set me down there. I’ll walk the perimeter while you put what little daylight we have to good use. Look for anything out of the ordinary. Tracks, freshly disturbed earth, discarded chains, convict uniforms, creepy old guys in cloaks. Anything.”
Cherry Berry reluctantly agreed and my feet finally alighted on the edge of the stony abyss. With only a backpack, a lantern, an empty lunch bag, and a walking stick to my name, I began the long trek around the pit. Technically, the backpack had a couple Molotov cocktails in it, left over from scouting the Everfree with Applejack, but I doubted those would be very effective against anything more than a timberwolf, let alone whatever hardened magical creatures called the Gate ‘home’.
As I cautiously made my way around the rim, random breaths of warm air rose from the sinkhole to greet me and plumes of glowing blue mist sprouted from the stones like mushrooms. During my reconnaissance, I glimpsed numerous tunnels and caves running further underground like the roots of an invisible tree, the largest of which did indeed have signs of mason work on it, but I was too far away for a proper investigation.
Despite the clip at which I forced my boots to eat the dirt, I couldn’t fight the feeling that my expedition was doomed to failure. There was only one pathway to the bottom, zigzagging from the rim to the volcanic fields below like a silver lightning bolt, but a quick search around it revealed no evidence that a centaur had ever used it. The ground was tough and didn’t take footprints (or hoofprints) very well. I also had no assurance as to when Cerberus had abandoned his post. My feeble tracking skills may have been hours, days, or even weeks behind my quarry. My hopes of intercepting Tirek sank as surely as the sun and left me in as much darkness too.
“I guess even Equestria’s Gitmo had to make staff cuts.” I chuckled dryly. The words sounded grey as the thirsty rocks consumed them. Still, I lit up my lantern and continued sweeping the ground as best I could. As long as there was a chance that I could stop Tirek’s return, I knew it was my duty to try, but as the hours ticked away, it became clear that if I had truly wanted to thwart the centaur lord, I shouldn’t have held myself back. Destiny’s threads were not going to be unwoven by a half-baked effort on my part and I still didn’t have an answer as to whether Twilight’s battle with Tirek should even happen or not.
There was no telling how much damage Equestria would suffer if the baboon-faced lord was granted free reign. There was no telling who would get hurt or whose homes would be destroyed. All I knew was that, according to the story, the heroes won, but I still didn’t know if that chance was worth gambling everypony’s lives on. The happy ending versus the risks involved had me more on-the-fence than a tapdancing Garfield.
“Just take it as it comes.” I shook my head. “You tried, right? So it’s out of your hands now. No use crying over spilt milk.” But those words once again sounded hollow, and it wasn’t just because of the landscape.
A quarter-waning moon eventually rose to keep me company, bathing the world in a feeble silver light. However, with no food, shelter, or safe place for Cherry Berry to tether her balloon, I knew that my little expedition could barely last the night, let alone support a full-blown manhunt. Fortunately, it didn’t have to.
“Mark?”
“Cheese-us rice!” I leapt six feet into the air as a voice hailed me from the darkness. I looked up to see Cherry Berry’s balloon hanging above me like a silent shadow. “Don’t do that! Don’t you know there are monsters about?”
“Well, there’s one coming this way. I think it’s our friend from earlier.” The pilot pony whispered. “Just thought you’d want to know.” She gestured at a small shape in the distance that was rapidly growing larger. At first, my tired eyes thought it was a purple and black beast, but after blinking a couple times, I realized it was two separate creatures.
“Twilight and Cerberus.” I nodded, waving my lantern at the distant unicorn. Twilight turned towards me, guiding the frolicking shape of her three-headed friend along with her. I stood where I was, mentally preparing myself for the librarian’s inevitable slurry of questions while Cherry Berry nervously floated back into the sky like a timid lakitu.
“Hey, Twi!” I greeted as the purple pony trotted up to me. She was covered in sweat and was panting, but otherwise appeared unscathed. A giant rubber ball floated in her aura beside her head, Cerberus’s new favorite toy, apparently. The giant dog tore his attention off the object to greet me.
“Sniiiiff? Snif! Snif!” My spine became ridged as three car-sized bulldog faces surrounded me. Wet noses as big as pillows soaked my arms and cheek like water-laden sponges.
“So, looks like you made a new friend, Twilight.” I smiled cautiously. “Hey, Cerbie, hey there. Who’s a good boy, boy, boy? Huh?” The three heads whimpered nervously upon encountering a new species, but quickly warmed up to my natural charm. One even nuzzled me playfully and I took the opportunity to give the oversized puppy the first real ear-scratching it’d ever experienced. The results were satisfactory.
“What are you doing here?” Twilight called over the sound of a giant rear leg pounding the ground. “This place is dangerous.”
“Says the girl who just lured a semi-god across the world to the gates of hell with a rubber ball.” I struggled to keep my footing as the other two heads fought for a turn at scritches.
“Well, he turned out to be pretty sweet after Fluttershy got through to him.” The unicorn sidestepped a tree-sized foreleg. “But you didn’t answer my question.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I glanced at her. “Cerberus is the guardian of the underworld, right? Someone had to keep an eye on the mice while the cat was away.”
“Rouf?”
“No, not you. You’re no cat. You’re a big, strong guard dog, right? You’re the toughest boss in Kingdom Hearts! Yes you are, you are, you are!” Satisfied at my recovery, Cerberus rolled onto his broad back.
“But how did you get here?” In answer to Twilight, I merely pointed at the sky where Cherry Berry continued to watch the scene from the safety of her basket. “Oh. That makes more sense. So, then, did anything try and escape from Tartarus?” My fingers paused in their belly scratching.
“No…” I said slowly. “I haven’t seen anything.” Key word, ‘seen’. “And I think it’s pronounced TAR-tar-us. Not Tar-TAR-us. The accent’s on the first syllable.”
“I’ve read more books about this place than you.” She defended.
“Granted, but reading doesn’t always teach you how to say words. Otherwise, I’d still be pronouncing ‘debris’ as ‘de-breeze’ and ‘Sean’ as ‘Seen’.”
“Well, thank you for your help. You must be exhausted.” Said the pony who’d just run across Equestria. “I can’t wait to relax now that we’ve averted the crisis!”
“Yeah… About that… If it’s alright with you, I’ll keep waiting for the other shoe to drop until we’re sure the future’s been saved. Namely, this next Tuesday.”
“I suppose.” Twilight seized the rubber ball and with it, Cerberus’s attention. “But at least we don’t have to stay here any longer. This place feels unnerving, like something’s watching us, you know?”
I tried to keep my face from betraying anything while Twilight Sparkle guided her tri-cranial companion down into the deepest part of the Gate. After saying goodbye to Cerberus and his new rubber ball, we signaled pony Foehammer for an extraction and began the long flight back to Ponyville.
My eyes lingered on Equestria’s ultimate prison for as long as they could, still haunted by the ramifications of Tirek’s escape. My only consolation was the fact that I could still alert the princesses whenever I wanted to prior to the end of season 4. Tirek was a weed that I could pull at any time. My only fear was that he might kill my garden of friends first.
We didn’t arrive in Ponyville again until the sun had reappeared. Twilight Sparkle was able to catch some sleep during the flight, but I stayed awake with Cherry for the whole journey. Partly as gratitude to the pink pony for being such a good sport about the whole situation, partly because I never liked sleeping in vehicles, and partly because the basket smelled like sweaty unicorn.
I entered the library with Twilight Sparkle just as Spike was waking up from an uninterrupted night’s sleep. My body was swaying precariously and eyes were misty with exhaustion. I barely even registered the little dragon’s words as he greeted us,
“Hey, Twilight. How’d it go with Cerberus?” He looked up at the two of us anxiously.
“Great. I got him back before any of the evil creatures could escape.”
“And where did you go, Mark?”
“Do we have any milk?” I mumbled. “No, cereal’s too much work. Leftover muffins, maybe?”
“Is he ok?” Spike jabbed a thumb at me.
“He just needs some sleep.” Twilight assured. “It was a long night for all of us.”
“Not for me!” The dragon grinned. “It was all quiet here at home base. I had a nice long bath, ate a cinnamon roll for dinner, played tag with Owl-Hurrgh? Blurgh!” A burst of green light rose from the back of Spike’s throat, catching him by surprise. A thick poster burst from the flames in his mouth and swatted Twilight Sparkle squarely in the face.
“Are we out of strawberry jam?” I opened and closed the kitchen cupboards without looking behind me.
“Oh no!” A frantic cry pierced the air.
“What’s the big deal?” Spike unfurled the poster. “It’s just a ‘lost dog’ flyer. I guess the princess hasn’t heard we found Cerberus yet.”
“Darn it, we are out. Please tell me we at least have marmalade.”
“It’s not that! It’s this!” Behind me, my unicorn friend was flipping out over where she had been struck by the flying poster.
“A paper cut? Come on, Twilight, you really need to toughen up. Just clean it out and you’ll be fine.” Spike rolled his eyes.
“The cut’s in the exact same spot as the scar on future Twilight’s cheek!” Sparkle began hyperventilating. “We haven’t changed the future at all! The disaster is still coming!”
“If anyone needs me, tell them I’m on my consciousness break.” I guided my shuffling feet into the guest room and set myself on a crash course for dreamland.
Voices and sounds passed over me like water as I floated beneath the surface of sentience. I was only vaguely aware of the passage of time while I slept, and when I finally woke, the room felt uncomfortably warm. A ray of sunlight was draped over my legs like a hot pancake, cooking me through my pants.
Eventually, I dropped myself onto the floor and wandered back into the library, but Spike and Twilight were nowhere to be found. The only evidence of what had become of them was a discarded ice cream lid, a well-worn circle on the wooden floor, and the lingering smell of singed hair. With nothing better to do while my brain rebooted, I decided to take a quick shower and change into a fresh set of clothes.
When I emerged from the bathroom, it was refreshed and, apparently, more aware of my surroundings, because it was only then that I noticed a piece of notepaper left next to my bed. It was a message addressed to me on pink paper that smelled vaguely of frosting. It read,

Hey, Mark!
Looking for Twilight? She’s with me trying out my new mystical orb of fate’s destiny at Madame Pinkie’s.
No crisis yet. At least, if you’re reading this, then there’ hasn’t been a crisis. Just thought I’d let you know. You know, in case you slept through it. Twilight changed her manestyle, though. I know you slept through that one. Didn’t want you to not recognize her.
Anyway, good morning! Or evening! Or night!
See you later!
-Pinkie Pie

“Well, that was… helpful…” I chuckled, turning the paper over. On the back was written,

I know! Aren’t nifty notes just the best?

“No comment.” I looked around the empty library. “So, letsee. What to do next?” I wandered back into my room and slipped my notebook out from its hiding spot. After a few minutes perusing it, I determined that there wasn’t anything left for me to do during the rest of ‘It’s About Time’. Sure, I’d probably meet up with Twilight in Canterlot, maybe even provide a conveniently-timed nausea potion for Spike, but Cerberus had been the only event I was really interested in. There were a number of notes titled ‘recon’ attached to Canterlot, so I figured that day was as good as any to run some errands up the mountain.
I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote,

	Pinkie,
Twilight,
Whoever,
Going to Canterlot. Will be gone all weekend.
Do not worry, have not forgotten about crisis. Will rendezvous with you next Tuesday. For better or worse.
-Mark

My mouth chewed its bottom lip as I scanned the brief letter. After deciding that it could do without the last line, I blotted out the offending text and placed the finished product on Twilight Sparkle’s desk. A glance at the clock told me that it would be evening by the time I reached Equestria’s capital, but if I was quick, I could still swing by the sandwich shop before catching the late train up the mountain. And so, after stuffing my notebook and a couple changes of clothes in my backpack, that’s exactly what I did.
I didn’t see either of the princesses when I reached the palace, but as it turned out, my name was on an ambiguous ‘welcome’ list and I was quickly shown to a fully furnished guest room. Apparently, being friends with the princess and her prized student had its perks. With lodging covered, my biggest challenge was avoiding the boredom that stalked me while I waited for Tuesday.
“LeVar Burton would be so proud to know that, thanks to him, I grew up to be a lover of libraries. And this one’s not half-shabby.” On Friday, (or, the Equestrian equivalent) I wandered into the prestigious Canterlot libraries, a labyrinthine network of vaulted stone halls and glass skylights filled floor-to-ceiling with the compiled knowledge of an entire world. In the face of such a daunting collection of information, I had armed myself with an ‘errands’ list,

Ask about ch
Mystique
Theseus’s Tom Tom
Escape rope
Chaos Emeralds
Raging female stereotypes
Sign language (put this at top of list!)

Satisfied that the note was ambiguous enough to be useless in any other pony’s hooves, I strode across the marble entryway to the librarian’s desk. Behind its polished surface sat an elderly granite-blue unicorn with streaks of iron grey in her black mane.
“Good morning!” I greeted cheerfully. Immediately, the entire building became a den of snakes as a dozen ponies hissed,
“Ssshhh!” Including the librarian.
“Sorry!” I appeased.
“Ssshhh!” They repeated.
“Okay…” My head sank into my shoulders. I squeaked, “Is this better?” The ponies returned to their books, but kept a warning eye on me.
“How can I help you this morning?” The elderly unicorn whispered like a breeze floating across a moor. I tried to emulate her as I consulted my piece of paper,
“I’m looking for information on illusion spells. Specifically, cloaking magic and its counter spells.” The librarian looked up at me through her horn-rimmed glasses.
“That would be the majority of the East wing.” She explained, tilting her lenses in the indicated direction.
“Uh-huh…” I bit my lip.
“Can you be more specific?”
“Not really, no.” I grimaced. “What about local caves and mines?”
“West wing, second section.” The old grey mare sounded apologetic. “I’m afraid that too is a large section. We are in a mountain range, after all.”
“Right.” My weight shifted from foot-to-foot. “Um, lastly, do you know where I could find the Star Swirl the Bearded wing?”
“Shh!” Every pony in the building let me know my voice had overstepped its bounds.
“Sounds like frying eggs in here.” I glanced over my shoulder.
“Are you done?” A cream-white unicorn mare with licorice-rimmed glasses asked dryly. She looked at me as if I were a smudge on her glasses that she desperately wished she could wipe away.
“Our Star Swirl the Bearded collection is in the northern branch, attached to the palace.” The grey mare explained patiently.
“Great. Thank you.” With my business concluded, I half-stepped, half-leapt out of the way of the next customer as she clipped up to the service desk. The librarian hadn’t been able to help me narrow down my search at all and a distant longing for my old friend, Google, tugged at my heart.
“Just my idea of an exciting weekend.” I mumbled to myself. Were it not for my grumbling, I might have overheard what it was the white unicorn found so urgent,
“Ten books to return.” She said curtly.
“Good morning, Moon Dancer, you’re late.”
“Laundromat lost my receipt.”
“Sorry to hear that, dear. My, my, returning ‘Asymmetrical Crystal Lattices’ already? Too imposing?”
“I finished it. Do you have anything else by J. Raiya?”
“I’m sure we can find something for you…” The voices died behind me as I ducked into the forest of bound paper text.
Despite my cynicism, the Canterlot libraries were an excellent place to lose track of time. My feet wandered through endless rows of tomes while my mind wandered through endless paths of thought. The muffled atmosphere bore the calming scent of yellowing paper, and motes of dust glinted in the sunlight like fireflies in a forest. Two days slipped away from me while I bathed in that serene dreamscape, absent from the physical world as my mind floated to unexplored horizons. It was during one of these escapades from reality, while my body was sinking in a growing nest of books, that a white alicorn princess found me.
“Good afternoon, Mark.” Celestia’s graceful voice gently lifted me from the reverie I had fallen into.
“Oh! Good afternoon, Princess.” I refocused my eyes and glanced in surprise at the clock on the wall. “What brings you here?”
“I heard that a friend was visiting the libraries and thought I’d say hello.” She smiled. “It’s always nice to see you again.”
“Likewise.” I got to my feet and nodded in a hasty bow. “You sounded a little busy earlier, so, I mean, I didn’t want to interrupt you or anything…”
“It’s no trouble at all.” Celestia insisted. “I’m always eager to know how you’ve been.”
“Good. I mean, well. I’ve been well.” I flinched as I mentally kicked myself. “I visited Tartarus recently, which was fun. And met Cerberus. Oh, did Twilight ever tell you that we found him?”
“She did…” The princess inclined her head slightly. “Along with quite an interesting report. Am I right to understand that she believes there’s an impending disaster?”
“This next Tuesday morning, yes.”
“And this is because a version of herself from the future came back in time to warn her about it?”
“It’s complicated.” I scratched my stubbly cheek. “Yes, it seems Twilight Sparkle got a hold of a time-travel spell and made quite a scene of it when she went back in time to talk to her younger self. Twilight got all freaked out by the visit and put the whole town on high-alert. Still, I’m not so sure there’s going to be a disaster the way Twilight thinks there’s going to be a disaster.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because, over the course of this last week, everything terrible that looks like it happened to Twi-minator is already happening to our Twi. Come Tuesday, there won’t be anything left for her ‘crisis’ to do to her.” I shrugged. “I don’t know if that made any sense, but it’s my working theory.”
“Actually,” A glint of light glinted in the princess’s eye, “it makes more sense than you realize. Is this the reason for your visit?”
“Well, yes and no.” I shuffled a few scattered books into haphazard piles. “At first, I came to Canterlot because I figured if there was going to be a crisis, I’d want to know what it was. After all, we can deduce that a rather disheveled Twilight Sparkle is going to retrieve a time-traveling spell from the Star Swirl the Bearded wing come Tuesday morning. In the meantime, though, I figured I could work on some of my side-projects.”
“And are you enjoying Star Swirl the Bearded’s ‘Quantifying Frictions of Universal Planes’?” There was a touch of amusement in Celestia’s voice as she held up the book I had been perusing. Suffice to say that it was above my level of comprehension the way Goku’s power level is above Yamcha’s.
“Funny story.” I pointed at the imposing volume. “I was wandering around, looking for maps of local caves when I saw a book on ‘amniomorphic spells’. Then another, and another, and finally I stopped and said to myself, ‘Self, isn’t that the thingamajig that Star Swirl the Bearded was famous for?’ but then I realized I didn’t know what it was or why it was important. Finally, it occurred to me that I didn’t know the first thing about Mr. Bearded. Four hours, three books, and seven trains of thought later, I still have no clue who this guy is. What you’re holding is the latest in my futile efforts to pierce his enigma and why Twilight idolizes him so much and what he has to do with time travel.”
“Well, if that’s all,” Celestia chuckled lightly, “I’d be happy to help.” She glanced up at the bookshelves behind me and swept up a choice selection in her golden magic aura.
“You’d do that?” I faltered. “I mean, you’re not too busy with official… stuff?” Celestia glided over to a padded sofa and slowly settled into it. She invited me to a nearby chair as she explained,
“Remember, Mark, I would make a rather poor princess if I wasn’t first and foremost a teacher.”
“I suppose... Thank you.” I obediently took a seat and opened my ears. The princess took on the air of a storyteller as she began,
“So, you want to know about my old acquaintance Star Swirl the Bearded?” My head nodded politely and across the vastness of space, I could feel the brony fandom lean forward to listen. She explained, “He was a brilliant unicorn, even before he became known as ‘The Bearded’, always looking at the world from a new perspective, always asking new questions, and always approaching obstacles from a new angle.” Celestia opened one of her books and showed me the first few chapters as she spoke.
“Star Swirl first made a name for himself while experimenting with magic osmosis. I know that Twilight Sparkle will want to teach you this herself, but for now, just know that when an object is oversaturated with magic, it loses its physical structure and becomes fluid. Picture wax and how it is moldable when heated, but returns to a rigid shape when that heat is removed.
"In his earliest works, young Star Swirl perfected the equation behind this phenomena and presented his findings in the famous ‘clay pot’ experiment. He took a lump of hardened clay, used a transfiguration table to oversaturate it with magic, and then shaped it into an elegant vase. The premise was so simple, but had such limitless potential that he quickly became famous and scholars across the world were replicating his work. It became known as the ‘potter’s spell’, or ‘amniomorphic’ in the old vernacular.”
“I can see how that’d be a breakthrough.” I nodded in understanding. “He invented the 3-D printer thousands of years before Earth. The ability to program matter? You’d never be limited by the use of tools ever again! That’s…” My words dropped dead on my tongue as a thought hit me like a thunderclap. “Wait! ‘potter’s spell’!? Are you telling me that Star Swirl the Bearded was literally Equestria’s ‘Harry Potter’!?”
“Yes,” Celestia hesitated at my sudden outburst. “I suppose you could say that, but why-? Oh, is that a reference from Earth?”
“You don’t miss much.” I fought to get myself back under control. “Sorry for interrupting, please continue.” The princess turned a page and obliged.
“With his newfound fame and influence, Star Swirl began to shift his focus onto a larger scale than pots and vases. He wanted to apply his ideas to the world itself, reshaping our view of the universe and how we could interact with it. It was he who first theorized that alicorn magic was cosmic in nature, leading many scholars to classify it as fundamentally different than unicorn magic.
"My sister and I were delighted to be living in such an era. It seemed that with every year came a new epiphany, a new revelation, a new scientific frontier to explore, and with it, our understanding of our own power became clearer. However, we soon came to suspect that Star Swirl’s true motives were guided by a desire to achieve immortality, but without any evidence, all we could do was monitor his progress cautiously.
"One of his greatest theses was also the turning point in our friendship. Star Swirl was convinced that the Elements of Harmony were conduits or nodes through which the fabric of our world had been written, like paints upon an artist’s canvass. He demanded that we allow him to experiment on them and the tree they came from, but Luna and I refused. The Elements were too valuable to risk damaging, corrupting, or losing altogether. Especially if they were what he said they were.
"Unfortunately for all of us, Star Swirl the Bearded did not see things that way. Perhaps he through we were refusing him out of jealousy. Perhaps he thought that we wanted to be the only keepers of that power. Perhaps he thought we were effectively condemning him to the fate of old age…” Celestia paused to take a deep breath, but continued,
“He became withdrawn, reclusive, secretive, plunging deeper and deeper into more and more dangerous experiments while shunning the very ponies who could have kept him safe. By the time he finally passed away, his laboratories were filled with perplexing artifacts and half-finished spells that few ponies could even read, let alone comprehend. Most scholars believe that his greatest magnum opuses were conceived during that time and it’s every magician’s dream to someday decipher them.
"Even today, the Star Swirl the Bearded wing is the most heavily guarded section of the palace, but is also the most visited. Young ambitious scientists become old disgruntled scholars in there and we’re still no closer to understanding the extent of Star Swirl’s designs. We may never know just how much he took with him when he left this world.”
“Whew…” I blew a low whistle as the princess’s story ended. “Higitus figitus your heart out, Merlin.”
“In fact,” Celestia laughed, “I think I know exactly which spell future Twilight Sparkle used to go back in time.”
“O rly?” I perked up in my chair. “One of Star Swirl’s masterpieces?”
“An incomplete prototype, really.” The princess explained. “By echoing his magic off the universe’s planes, it seems Star Swirl the Bearded could step out of his own timeline. Like a river, however, the flow of time quickly reasserts itself and despite all his efforts, he was overlooking one vital element.”
“And what’s that?” I felt it was my duty to ask.
“All the spells in the world have no real power unless the caster can rewrite destiny.” Celestia gracefully lifted herself off her couch and began putting her books away.
“You believe in destiny, then?” I asked quietly. “That certain people were called to play certain roles?”
“I do.” Celestia’s voice was calm, but firm.
“Then, Twilight Sparkle’s attempt to change the past won’t have any effect on how she’s changed over the past week.” I gave a shallow chuckle. “Physically and literally.”
“Indeed. By trying to prevent herself from using the spell, she may very well have caused it.” The princess glanced through a nearby window at the palace towers. “I’ve seen it happen before. Even still, we should prepare ourselves for anything come Tuesday morning. We’re still unsure of what motivated Twilight Sparkle to use such an unpredictable spell in the first place.”
“Maybe she just wanted to get a jump on her friendship lesson.” I smiled and folded my arms. “Well, if the world ends on Tuesday, we’ll be ready for it.”
“And if not, I can always wish Twilight a happy good morning.” Celestia beamed coyly. A glance at the clock, however, let me know that she had other matters that required her attention. With a subtle nod of her head, she wished me a good afternoon. “It’s been a pleasure as always, Mark. I’ll be sure to let the guards know you’re welcome in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing as well. No matter what happens, I have to admit I’m curious how this Tuesday will turn out.”
“Much appreciated. And thank you again for your time, princess.” I nodded and began sorting the slurry of books I’d accumulated. One last thought pricked me, however, and I quickly caught Celestia before she vanished, “There was one thing I was still curious about, actually.”
“Yes?” The alicorn glanced over her shoulder.
“All this talk about time and space and universal planes, did Star Swirl the Bearded ever make any interdimensional portals?” Like a corrupt frame in a movie, the barest hint of hesitation darkened the princess’s countenance. She recollected herself so quickly, however, I doubted I had seen anything at all.
“I can understand why you’d be curious about such a thing.” Celestia began slowly. “If it’s any consolation, I too suspect that our worlds may have come into contact at one point. Such an event may explain how you came here, casting you in Equestria like flotsam. Unfortunately, it is only a suspicion and even if I did understand how it happened, it is unlikely that the process could be reversed for your return journey. As for portals…” The princess tilted her head in apology, “… That’s a story for another time.”
The ghostly aura of her mane disappeared around a bookshelf and I was once again alone in the library. I held a casual smile until I was sure she was gone, and then quickly replaced it with a critical frown. Before anything could distract me, I whipped out my trusty piece of notebook paper and scribbled a new keyword,

Bacon Hair

For as vague as she had tried to be, Celestia had still betrayed her knowledge of SSTB’s forays into other worlds. It was an unwelcome reminder that the events portrayed in the Equestria Girls movies may yet prove canon and if so, I needed to be ready for them. In the meantime, though, I decided that it could wait until after Tuesday. After all, I still needed to rendezvous with a time traveler I had technically already met.
The fateful day came amidst the cries of songbirds and the pink banners of the dawning sun. No war, no plague, no catastrophe, no disaster, just another gorgeous day in Equestria. From the vaulted windows of the Star Swirl the Bearded wing, I watched as the valley below was softly stripped of its rosy blankets of mist.
To my left was a fresh box of Joe’s doughnuts, their fried aroma a tantalizing compliment to the fresh mountain air. To my right was a gilded security gate, recently unlocked for some late-night visitors, and still hanging open. From the room beyond the gate came the sounds of a bouncing pink earth pony, a frantic purple unicorn and an ice cream-quaffing baby dragon.
As the sun climbed higher and higher into the sky, I’d listened while Twilight Sparkle went from flustered, to panicked, to hopeless, to confused, and finally to relieved as her prophesy of doom came to naught. The only thing Equestria had to fear on that day was fear itself. Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie and Spike shared a good laugh over the whole situation while I waited for the episode to wrap itself up.
Suddenly, the air bent with a static pull, the sound of rushing wind filled the quiet tower and a blazing glow like a firework coated the walls in white light. For a few breathless moments, Twilight Sparkle had completely removed herself from our timeline, the endless pretzel of cause and effect finally looping back upon itself. Before long, there was another burst of magic and I heard Twilight plead,
“Don’t… waste your time… worrying… about…” A leaden groan floated from the room. “Ugh! I can’t believe I just did that!”
“Did you tell her about the cool birthday present?” Pinkie Pie gasped.
“Remember last week when future Twilight came to warn me about something?” Twilight’s tail dangled in shame. “That was me trying to warn myself not to worry so much! Now I’m gonna spend the next week freaking out about a disaster that doesn’t even exist!” She groaned again.
“Or as I like to think of it, the week you just finished.” I strolled into the room holding a broad smile and a box of breakfast.
“Mark!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Mark!” Spike called.
“Doughnuts!” Pinkie cried.
“Morning, girls. Morning, Spike. Long time no see.”
“I’ll say!” Twilight Sparkle trotted up to me. “You just vanished! What have you been doing all week?”
“Oh, you know, a bit of homework, a bit of research, a bit of studying Star Swirl’s methods on unraveling the universe. Very thought-provoking, it’s like yoga for your brain.” I brushed Twilight’s mane. “Nice hair, by the way.”
“But how did you know we were here?” The disheveled unicorn pressed.
“I didn’t know about Pinkie and Spike,” I lied, “but I knew that you’d eventually have to ‘return’ to this tower for a time spell. Either to stop the crisis or go back in time to try again, it didn’t matter.”
“And, you brought doughnuts because…?”
“Don’t question it!” Pinkie Pie scolded. I only shrugged.
“Hey, if this morning wasn’t going to be the end of the world, I figured I was in the mood for doughnuts and if it was, I’d still want doughnuts.”
“Whooo! And you got the big box!” Pinkie started bouncing around me like a Jack Russel Terrier.
“It was a sale…” I mumbled. “Anyway, it’s a lovely day. Who wants food?”
“Ugh… not me.” Spike was curled up on the floor, holding his stomach tenderly. “I, I think it’s all that Ice cream…”
“Oh, Spike…” I shook my head. Then I caught myself, “I mean, what’s wrong with him?”
“He started eating ice cream nonstop to prevent the end of the world.” Pinkie explained.
“Well there you go, Hay-gen-Dazs saves lives.” With a sigh, I unveiled a nausea potion from within my pocket. “Here, try this. I always keep one when traveling by train, but this looks more pressing.”
“Come on, Spike, let’s get you home.” Twilight levitated the baby dragon onto her back. “In fact, I think we’re all ready to go home.”
“Suits me.” I led the way out into the castles halls.
As we walked, Twilight Sparkle explained how she had spent her weekend trying to monitor all of Equestria simultaneously and I told her about my dabbling into the Earth/ Equestria multiverse theory. We each shared a good laugh at how futile the other’s efforts were, but it was nice to see Twilight finally relaxing after a week of fretting. She was tired, emotionally raw and physically exhausted, but at least her heart wasn’t weighed down by the fear of the future anymore.
I took the opportunity to casually introduce her to a very sensitive topic near and dear to my heart. I began with,
“You know… all this talk about time travel and meeting your younger self has got me thinking.”
“Oh?” Twilight was growing drowsier by the second, but decided to humor me.
“What would you do if you could go back in time and meet one of your heroes before they became a hero? Imagine if you, Twilight Sparkle, could go back in time and meet Star Swirl the Unshaven. How would you introduce yourself? How would you interact with him? How would you treat a pony that technically wasn’t the person you knew they could be?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it before.” Twilight admitted.
“Alright then, let’s talk about books.” I painted a picture in the air with my free hand. “What would you do if you fell into ‘Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone’? You find yourself in the muggy jungle with a young pegasus archaeologist-”
“-tomb raider-”
“-who’d just hurt her wing, and is now being hunted by the cat predators. You know what traps she’s going to face. You know the dangers that might kill her, and you know when Ahuizotl is going to steal her treasure, so what do you do? Do you avoid her and let the story play out like it’s supposed to? Would you introduce yourself and perhaps befriend your protagonist? Or do you change the story, safeguarding your idol at the cost of diminishing the hero they could have been?” Obviously, my true inspiration for these questions was my own predicament. Star Swirl was just a segue to a not-so-subtle prod into how Twilight would respond if I told her I too knew what it was like to time travel.
“If I went back in time and met some super-special pony, I’d become their very bestest friend!” Pinkie piped up. “I’d give them their favorite birthday present, and plan their favorite memories, and solve their problems before they happened, and show up when they went places, and bring medicine on their sick days, and surprise them with their favorite breakfasts and-”
“Pinkie!” I cut in.
“Yes, friend?” She blinked her blue eyes at me.
“Have a doughnut.”
“Ooh! Pink frosting with extra sprinkles! My favorite!” She stuffed the sugary pacifier in her mouth and continued trotting along the hallway.
“It is an interesting question.” Twilight assented.
“And just think about the hero’s position.” I continued softly. “What will they think when they find out you only like them because of what they did in an alternate life?”
“Of course I would try and befriend my hero.” The purple unicorn stifled a yawn. “I don’t think I could resist, but both parties would need to cooperate if they wanted the friendship to work. The time traveler would need to respect the hero as a person, not a legend, and the hero, in turn, would need to decide if the time traveler is a true friend or just a fan.”
“What if the time traveler tried to keep it secret that they knew the hero?” My tongue ran across the roof of my mouth nervously.
“Well, I suppose I was assuming a best-case scenario. In such an asymmetrical relationship, I can see how things could get rocky, but I still think that if the traveler and the hero really wanted to be friends, they wouldn’t need to hide things from each other. In fact, both parties could really benefit from cooperating. Just ask my past self!”
“Hmm… Good answer.” I let the conversation drift onto other topics, but at least I had my friend’s honest opinion. It was during that doughnut breakfast in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing that I finally decided I was going to take that leap of faith and tell my friends about ‘MLP: FIM’. Maybe things would change, maybe they wouldn’t, and maybe there was a chance that we could really learn a lot about each other from it, it was a risk I was finally willing to take.
And, just like planning a proposal, I knew the perfect time and place for my revelation. A moment when I could prove once and for all that my friendship was authentic. A stage where the future of Equestria teetered on a knife’s edge and I would push it in the hero’s favor. An opportunity to give my friends hope on their darkest day.
It was high time for me to meet the queen.