To everything, there was a checklist: Twilight had said that more than a few times. When you had something to do, you sorted out the steps and order you needed to go through before it could be accomplished and once that part was finished, it was as good as done. (Twilight had said that too, and she'd been wrong about that segment of the philosophy. A lot.) They had something to do: the assembly of the Bearers. It was something they'd done before. Admittedly, it was the first time with Applejack in the lead (and why had the mayor written her?), but she knew what had to be done. They'd even gotten the second-hardest parts out of the way already: the two ponies who lived the furthest out from the heart of the settled zone were already together. Plus Twilight had to be in on this -- the arrival of the letter proved it -- two other ponies both lived and worked in town, and that just left them with the perpetual migraine of --
Applejack groaned.
"Wanna start with the worst part?"
Fluttershy sighed. "...maybe she's napping."
-- chasing down Rainbow.
"Any idea where she's nappin'?"
A weak smile. "...Equestria. Maybe. Her morning shift is over... if we're really lucky, she made it home before falling asleep."
Applejack automatically glanced up, checking Sun. By this time... yes, Rainbow would have wrapped up the early portion of Ponyville's forecast (mostly sunny, daytime seasonal warmth, some fall chill scheduled for evening and continuing throughout the night, nothing special in the way of wind and a total absence of rain, snow, or fog: exactly what the Weather Bureau schedule dictated and the local coordinator constantly complained about the sheer boringness of). It also meant shops would be open, Apple Bloom would be in school, and a cyan blur might be looking for a handy cloud. Or tree branch. Sturdy ceiling fan. Barn roof. There had been at least one bell incident... "We ain't that lucky."
They were that lucky.
It was the only luck they'd had.
There was more than one goose. There were more than fifteen. And as they galloped and flew for Rainbow's cloud home, the true count started to emerge.
The morning rapidly began to turn into a series of snapshots, none of which they had a chance to actively pose within.
There: the junior schoolhouse. The front door was open, apparently because three of the geese had pushed their way inside. Applejack could just barely see one of them, as its body was mostly tucked under Cheerilee's desk: only the head was truly sticking out, and that had its beak snapping at the world. The teacher, for her part, had abandoned her post to go after a second bird, the one who had decided that the Everything it Owned included poor Truffle's lunch, which it was trying to get away from him through flight and charges and everything else it could bring to bear against a small and surprisingly fast target. This left the third free to try and claim its chosen prize, and Diamond Tiara screamed as she galloped away from the thing which was trying to snatch the jewelry away from her mane. There was just enough time to appreciate that last part, plus a little more for deciding that Apple Bloom and the other two were just at an angle where she couldn't see them just then plus she had to trust Cheerilee, it was family but a summoning might mean the Princess, and then they were past it, moving towards...
There: Roseluck's house. There were five geese on her lawn, eating the final summer survivors and seemingly converting it directly into stuff, despite that being biologically impossible. But still... green went in through one aperture, and green-grey came out of another. And Roseluck was both outside and on her hooves, because two of the geese were getting close to the last summer survivors of her flowers and the earth pony had planted herself between the blooms and the birds, ready to serve as a final line of defense, most likely through forcing them to trip over her soon-to-be-fainted body. She glanced over as the pair went past, and didn't seem particularly happy to see them -- but she seldom was.
There: Ratchette's fix-it shop, which had a goose running out with a metal axle clutched in its beak, while the steel-and-copper pegasus, who hadn't bothered to remove the clockwork and spring-powered steel spider from her snout, flew after it with eyes showing the first anger Applejack had ever truly seen in the mechanic, as a battle cry of "I needed that!" rang through the air and miniature clamps snapped at feathers.
And there, and there, and there...
...Rainbow's house, floating well above them. Normally a problem, but Fluttershy was already with her and that would have meant access to somepony who could go up and knock on the vapor door, except that --
"Get out of there! You're ruining -- oh, for, now you're back? Fine! I told you the next step was lightning, I've been trying to be nice up until now because there's this friend I don't want to upset, but I've got another friend in Protocera, I'm pretty sure you're stupid and that just might mean it's okay to send her a special care package, something roasted...!"
There was a tiny "...eep!" somewhere over Applejack's head, and it carried all the way up to cloud level.
Rainbow glanced down from where she'd been trying to chase the geese out of her fountains. "...oh. Oh, hi! Great timing! So you wanna come up here and, oh, I don't know, talk to these morons? Or maybe they only understand kicks? Because I've gotta tell you, if that's how it is, these two need some remedial classes because I've been --" One of them lunged: Rainbow demonstrated. "-- and they don't know what it means! Or at least they can't remember!"
"...I tried talking to them," Fluttershy helplessly protested.
"And?"
"...it's one thing to talk. It's... harder to get someone to listen."
Rainbow groaned. "Yeah, yeah, tell me --" pause, kick, resume "-- about it. Fine... I'll hold these two off, you peel me off some clouds and bring them over here, and then I'll --"
Applejack had to cut in: Fluttershy was clearly on the verge of major "...eep!"age and nothing good ever came from that. "Rainbow, we ain't got time. We've got a summons."
Sleek ears perked. "The Princess? This is mission-stuff?"
"Naw."
Visible thought. "...Luna?" There was absolutely no degree of settling involved in the tone.
"The mayor."
"Awww... oh, fine, whatever, just the mayor..." Hooves impacted a charging body. "I guess I'll have to fix this when I get back. And by fix, I mean you've laid your very last egg -- Fluttershy, I -- oh, let's just go already. Twilight next, right?"
Geographically, yes. But... "Not sure. We're supposed t' meet the mayor at the Town Hall, an' Spike sent the scroll which said so. Might mean she's already there, or that the mayor just ran into Spike an' had him do the letter -- but then he would have told her..."
From a lower level of overhead, "...Applejack, I tried to tell you..."
"Tell me what?"
"She's out of town?"
The little dragon looked up at them from behind the oversized desk in the empty, very-slightly-disorganized library.
"It's the annual Equestrian Magic Society meeting," he uncertainly said. "She left yesterday. There's about fifteen lectures she wants to take notes on and three where she wants to be in the audience just so she can argue. Guys, is something going on? The mayor tore through here, shoved a scroll in my face, and these birds nearly followed her in..."
Applejack forced herself to breathe. Had Twilight told her? There were times when the librarian got so into the rush of discussing unicorn magic that the words just streamed, and that meant flowing into Applejack's skull and then immediately flowing out again.
"Can we get her back?"
"She's still on the train. It'll take another day to get there. They hold the meetings away from the main settled zones, just in case anything -- happens. And that means she's way outside her teleport range, at least for what she's willing to risk, and... I can tell her, but unless she can find somepony who's able to bring her in, even an air carriage is going to take time, and the only ponies I know of who could teleport her that far..."
...run the country. Another breath. Okay. They were down one unicorn. The strongest unicorn Applejack had ever seen, at least when it came to raw field strength. Neurotic, frequently unfocused, forever second-guessing herself and treating getting in her own way as something close to a professional sport... but also caring, increasingly emphatic, attentive on those occasions when she did manage to get herself focused, more loving than she'd ever personally believed she could be... and strong, a strength which she seemed so determined to keep under wraps...
It's just some stupid birds. If they had to, Spike could contact Canterlot and try to set up an emergency escort relay. But that would be the last resort. They had Fluttershy, and Twilight had a conference of spell-workers whom she spent a tenth of her life writing papers for. The librarian had to have been looking forward to the gathering for moons. Applejack wasn't going to pull her out of it unless it was absolutely necessary.
"Don't bother her. Not yet," she tightly said. "We'll manage."
Rainbow was looking at Spike. A faint grin was dancing on the corners of her mouth.
The dragon noticed. "...what?"
"Congratulations, Spike!" Rainbow declared. "You're the new Twilight Sparkle!" She darted behind him, landed, started pushing her head into his back, steadily driving him out into the open as he yelped in protest. "Let's get the crown and see how it fits! We just might need something to hold it on -- maybe something frilly... too bad there's no way to style your scales into bangs..."
"Guys!" Spike yelped again. "I'll do what I can to help, you know that, but -- magic? I can't use -- I can't cast -- you know...!"
But Applejack watched the ongoing herding, and thought.
"Y'can't cast, you're right..." she said. "But y'take her notes. Y'reviewed with her for her classes. Just 'bout every time she talks 'bout a spell, you're there listenin'. Y'can't work magic... but Ah bet y'know it. A lot of it."
Silence descended upon the library and found itself completely at home.
"I can try," Spike helplessly said. "But I don't remember everything, I never have. And if it comes down to an actual spell..."
"We'll think of somethin'," Applejack assured him. Because they always had.
Admittedly, they hadn't always thought of the right things, but...
"Fine," Spike declared. "I'll try -- Rainbow, stop pushing me!"
"Not yet!" the weather coordinator declared. "Not until we get to the vault!"
"The vault? Why do we need that? We can't use the Elements, not without Twilight. If the problem's that bad..."
"Nah, it's just some dumb birds," Rainbow told him, walking across the skid marks his claws were leaving in the floor. "But they don't know we can't use the stuff. And we're not going to tell them. We're just gonna... bluff a little, like at the seasonal poker game..."
Everypony simultaneously both looked at that statement and considered the source, especially given that the source had been the single worst poker player in the history of Equestria.
"...Rainbow," said the yellow pegasus who typically won the majority of the betting rounds, "...they're not smart enough to be bluffed. They don't even know what the Elements are, and they can't understand..."
This was ignored, and the pushing finally came to a stop. "There! Now, Magic -- open the vault!"
An oddly soft "How?"
"I don't know! It's Twilight's security spell! You know how it was cast, right? Just break it!"
Very calm now. "Rainbow, how do you think I'm supposed to do that without a horn, or a field, or any pony magic at all?"
It became very quiet in the library, and stayed that way for a surprisingly long time before a single distinctive sound shattered the void.
"Ow."
"Rainbow, y'okay?"
"Ow."
"You're not supposed t' facehoof that hard."
"Ow..."
"Fluttershy, check her over. Spike, grab the front door keys an' some gems an' anything else y'think y'might need. Oh, an' take a note for Twi: when she gets back, we kinda do need some way t' get into the vault without her. Meanwhile, still got two ponies t' go..."
The next was relatively easy, at least once they got past the geese. All of the geese.
That was something they'd begun to notice: the birds liked food. Any food, as long as it belonged to somepony else. It didn't matter what it was or how it smelled or possibly if a bird was capable of eating it at all: just that it was in the possession of another and that was wrong. They'd passed ponies (some of whom had been yelling towards them, or at them for some reason, and all of whom had to be momentarily ignored) who were fending off thefts of fruit and hay twists and salads and everything else. The birds loved to eat: after all, the stuff needed a continual source of fresh supply. And so Sugarcube Corner must have seemed like an especially inviting target, at least for a little while.
There were a lot of geese. Some of them were on the way out. And most, being exceptionally slow learners, waited a few seconds before turning around and trying to go right in again -- but still, they were leaving, if only briefly, and it didn't take long for Applejack to find out why. To wit, it took exactly the amount of time required for a goose to go involuntarily flying past her head.
"And stay out!" Pinkie shouted. "That's a wedding cake! Do you know how much had to happen in order for that cake to get baked at all? Three hours of baking and layering and icing and designing around the edges, plus five years of those two trotting around each other before they could even get to their first date! I'm not taking a chance on everything going wrong and starting over just because there isn't a cake! Don't you dare --"
"Pinkie, on your left!" Mr. Cake shouted as his rear hooves impacted the body of a goose who'd gotten a little too close to the croissant trays.
Pinkie's hind legs lashed out. A bird went into the door frame, slid down into the gap, nearly fell onto Spike's head, and then staggered away for the twenty seconds it would require before making an equally stupid second attempt. The apprentice baker glanced back to see if it had actually made it out. "Oh, hi, everypony, sorry, kind of busy right now, with you in a --" they all heard the impact "-- minute -- actually, if you want to join in, I think we've got more than enough for everypony..."
In the end, they'd barred the door. All of the doors. Followed by sneaking out through an open window, with Mr. and Mrs. Cake hurriedly barricading it behind them. It left them with one to go.
The hardest one.
"I will need a minute," came through the closed, hastily-barricaded doors.
"Rarity, we ain't got a minute." (Behind them, three long-time residents paused in their maddened flight, screamed at the group for no reason at all, and then returned to their frantic escape.) "Took too long in a couple of places already. Jus' come out."
"I. Will. Need. A. Minute."
Frustrated, "Oh, is this packin'? Gonna come out with half the Boutique? Is the plan t' outfit the birds until they leave? Make 'em look so bad they get out of town 'cause they can't stand the shame of anypony seein' 'em?? Rarity, we need you --" something Applejack still had to occasionally convince herself of "-- not whatever you're doin' by dressin' up for the occasion, whatever this occasion is..."
No response.
She did have the option to just break down the door. Surely Rarity's own security spells weren't set up to stop a hard charge.
Probably.
...maybe.
If Twilight were here, Ah could try it an' then if somethin' went wrong, she'd jus' get me out...
She glanced back at Spike, who took it the wrong way, spreading his arms. "If I knew how to make her do anything fast... anything..."
Applejack sighed and kicked out at a goose who'd been getting a little too close. (It had reached the point where they were all ignoring the inevitable "...eep!") "Right. So what's the usual count on a Rarity minute?"
"How long is it until sunset?"
But in fact, it was a mere four minutes before the doors opened and Rarity emerged. As did the items she was carrying, suspended within her field. And the one she was pulling.
They all stared. Rarity magnificently ignored it.
"Very well," the designer said. "And to Town Hall, you said? Then let us be on our way."
Her hooves pushed at the pavement. She managed to drag the weight for a single body length. Stopped, panted, shook away the sweat.
"Rarity," Applejack carefully tried, doing her best to let her voice express a patience she wasn't even remotely feeling, "what are those?"
"Sacks, of course."
"...yeah, Ah can see that. Ah guess what Ah meant t' ask was... why?"
Rarity's practiced gaze traveled over the visible portions of road.
"They molt. Have you noticed? Wherever there is not feces, there tends to be feathers. Admittedly, some of it is melding together. Rather quickly, too. However, goose feathers... means goose down. From a species of goose nopony had ever seen before today. Who knows what it might do for a pillow? A mattress? And as for a dress... those gradations of grey cannot be ignored. So yes, thank you, I do realize there is some degree of crisis under way, but I have seen too many of such go by without opportunity for profit and given a single potential disaster which might yield a tenth-bit, I am hardly going to pass up any chance to take advantage. So. Sacks. I am merely being sensible."
More determined, highly ineffectual pulling.
"An'... the harness?"
"Is clearly for pulling. Come, Applejack, you are far more physical than I, you know perfectly well what a harness is for. Remind me of how far it is to Town Hall?"
"An'... the tub?"
Rarity didn't even bother glancing back at the completely-filled, full-body wooden bathtub she'd lashed the trailing harness ropes to.
"Is for washing."
"...'cause?"
Rarity sniffed. "Because wherever there is not feathers," the rupophobe said, "there is feces. If I cannot avoid stepping in it, then I will at least be able to clean myself at need. Which reminds me: Rainbow, I will need you to fetch several clouds. This water will have to be refreshed. Regularly. I do not enjoy lying within my own dirt and I refuse to soak in another's, especially when it is not truly dirt at all. I realize a rather large number of clouds may ultimately be required, but I have perfect confidence in you..."
"Then..." Applejack often felt oddly helpless during conversations with Rarity, at least when she wasn't feeling incredibly frustrated. The current moment was something of a mixture. "...why aren't y'jus' wearin' boots? Ah know y'own boots..."
The blue eyes moved across the group, took in clumps of stuff clinging to hooves and fur, scales and tails. "Applejack... do you have any idea what would be required to get those stains out of good boots?"
"Naw."
"Neither do I." She pulled again. Very little happened. "Oh, why is this so heavy? I realize I have not been exercising as much as I should have lately and water possesses a considerable amount of mass, but I should be able to shift this without so much trouble... what are you all looking at?" Because every gaze was now focused behind her.
"Rarity," Spike carefully began, "don't turn around yet."
"Spike, I assure you, I locked the Boutique down after the first one got in, and I am aware that I have closed the doors behind me. My wares are as safe as structural integrity and purchased magic will permit."
There was a faint splashing sound.
"Rarity," he tried again, "you're hauling a tub."
"Yes," the designer crossly replied. "For reasons I have more than adequately explained." Another push, another lack of pull. "This is ridiculous. Should I be consulting Snowflake regarding my tactics? I am hardly so weak as to be gaining this little in results..." A nearby honk put a final bit of punctuation on the sentence. "A touch more strength would suddenly be rather welcome, but I do not wish to risk acquiring even the faintest echo of his form..."
"And," Spike reluctantly concluded, "it might... sort of look like... you're pulling along... a giant birdbath?"
Rarity's horrified gaze slowly went backwards.
"Oh, no, no, no! I will not -- this cannot -- I shall not put up with this! Get out of there, get out, get away...!"
Several things happened in rapid succession, and there was no chance for anypony to stop a single one of them. Applejack could only do the same thing as everypony else: watch. It was generally the only thing anypony ever did when Rarity got that angry, unless they were unlucky enough to be on the receiving end.
Rarity... when it came to combat, she was the weakest member of the group. Everypony knew it. Applejack and Pinkie had physical strength. Rainbow had speed and a decent arsenal of pegasus techniques. Fluttershy lacked the latter and most of the former, but compensated with whatever animal friends were willing to distract, confound, and occasionally outright maul (or at least threaten to) for her. Twilight was Twilight, even if that field strength so rarely truly came out to play. But Rarity... had strictly average field strength: there was a decided flair of field dexterity which sometimes surprised Applejack, but just about nothing in the way of raw power. She knew no spells for direct offense or defense. In terms of physical prowess, the unicorn worked out on occasion, and those occasions always came directly after she felt she'd indulged a little too much during a feast and needed to save her figure -- for a body which belonged to the species that possessed the least raw strength of the three main pony races. And so Rarity, whom fate had placed in situations where the designer would be regularly forced to battle for her life, got through combat --
"...oh..."
"Fluttershy, I assure you, it will be quite all right."
"...but..."
"I design regularly for pegasi. I am fully aware of wing structure. None of the feathers I yanked out were vital to flight. I would certainly not even consider weakening its ability to retreat."
"...you... you just..."
"Furthermore, when I poked it in the eyes with said feathers, I made sure to use the dull shafts. As such, its vision will recover once the pain recedes somewhat. Whenever that might happen to be."
"...and then..."
"Additionally, I am not a predator and so when I bit its foot, I did not draw blood. I admit that I may have given it a little twist on the way out, but that was a mere token. Something to remember me by. Which, as it is still fleeing, I believe I have accomplished."
-- by being the single dirtiest fighter anypony had ever seen.
"It is not," the affronted designer said, "as if I wrung its neck all the way." She shrugged shoulders and hips, shuffling out of the harness. "Very well: regular wettings it will have to be. Rainbow, bring a cloud, if you would? And now that I have had a chance to view this particular goose down at a short distance through direct collection of samples, I judge it inferior and fully unworthy of my consideration, which means we can assuredly expect it to be in Barneigh's front window tomorrow morning. Shall we proceed?"