Wayward Courier

by Speven Dillberg


13

Princess Luna held the strange metal device in her telekinetic grip, rotating it slowly so she could better understand how it operated. It appeared to be an incredibly simple device, utilising a trigger akin to those found on crossbows, a tube with a small bit of metal poking out of the centre on the tip, and a rotating cylinder that contained six, smaller cylinders. The grip of it was incredibly ornate, a golden bear a part of it, and there were words engraved on the sides of the tube, though what they said was a mystery to her. The revolving cylinder itself was a small work of art, an intricate design carved into the metal.
What was most intriguing about the device was not what it was, but how it had been put together. It was clear that the parts were not crafted by one individual, or even several. The flawless way the whole thing was put together and how uniform the parts were was enough to indicate to her that this was mass-produced, though how she didn’t know. Further evidence of this was found in the six smaller cylinders. True, they were not without their flaws, but it was clear that those flaws were the result of having being formed with some sort of machine, as opposed to by hoof, claw or talon.
The cylinder slid back into the device proper with a satisfying ‘click’. Luna looked over the other things that had been taken from the strange alien. While Celestia had taken over the actual meeting with the being, she had been given his equipment, including his weapons. She trusted none of the other ponies, even the guards, with this. There was just no telling what could happen.
She closed one eye and gazed down the small tube, trying to make sense of its purpose. She was so focused on this task that she failed to notice the door behind her opening, or the loud expletive that immediately followed. What she did notice was the thing being pulled out of her telekinesis and slammed into the table with a terrifyingly loud BANG! “NEVER,” some strange bipedal thing yelled at her, “look down the barrel of a loaded gun!


Can you believe that? Who the fuck looks down the barrel of a loaded gun? That’s Gun Safety 101 right there! Huh? What, was it something I said?
Well, may as well explain a bit about this place I was in, first. Uhh, very white and clean. And by clean I mean sterilized. Seriously, you could use the walls for mirrors in some places, they were that spotless.
There were also a ton of guards of well. All wearing that shiny, clean armour and standing around like statues. It was kinda creepy. At least with the Republic’s Heavy Troopers and Brotherhood Paladins, you can understand what with them wearing helmets. These guys, you could see their faces, and every single one had this blank stare. It’s like they were robots or something.
I didn’t see much of what was outside, but what I did see that it was as clear and cloudless as it had been when I went and saved those girls.
As for the pony that was having a staring match with my Sequioa, she was a lot like the white one, Celestia. Horn and wings. Turns out, they were sisters. Anyway, her coat or fur or whatever was a deep purple, kinda like what you get on a moonless night. There was a patch that was even darker on her flank and there was a crescent moon within that. Makes sense that her name is Luna, I s’pose.
Her mane and tail... that was like something out of Saturday morning kid’s show from before the war. Black as a cloudless night, and just as starry. Yeah, I said that. Honestly, her mane was filled with specks of light that really could be described as stars. It was really beautiful.
And she was eyeballing the barrel of my Sequioa. More specifically, the end the bullets came out of.


Luna just stared in shocked silence as the biped grabbed the things that had been identified as weapons and started pulling bits off, as though he was dismantling them. “What is the meaning of this?” she asked angrily. She received no answer. Thinking that she was being ignored, she switched to the Royal Canterlot Voice and Old Equestrian. “WHAT DOST THOU THINK THOU ARE DOING!?
The Courier was pushed onto the table by the sheer force of the voice. He let out a short yelp when this happened. “What the FUCK was that!?” he exclaimed loudly as he pushed himself off the table.
Unfortunately for everyone in the room, Luna was too upset to stop using the Royal Canterlot Voice, though she had returned to conventional speech. “WE DEMAND THAT YOU EXPLAIN WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
The Courier turned to the gathered ponies he had entered the room with, all seven of which Luna was still completely unaware of. “What did she say and why is she yelling?
The Princess of the Night turned around, and was greeted by the sight of the Element Bearers covering their ears and her sister wearing a smirk. “Oh,” Luna said quietly, suddenly looking very sheepish. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Do not worry about it, sister,” Celestia said, still smiling. “You were simply too engrossed in what you were doing.”
“Thank goodness he pulled that thing away from ya,” Applejack muttered. “Ah don’t wanna know what that woulda done to ya, yer Highness.”
“Please, all of you, dispense with the pleasantries, you are my friends,” Luna said with a warm smile. “And what would that strange device have done? I was told it was a weapon, but how it functions as one I cannot tell.”
“I’m not sure how, either,” Twilight Sparkle said, taking a step forwards, “but he... killed six Diamond Dogs with that one.” She shuddered at the memory, as did Applejack.
“I was not made aware of this,” Luna said, turning to her sister.
“The Diamond Dogs he fought had recently taken three young fillies as slaves. He only did what he did to rescue them,” Celestia calmly explained.
“I see.” Luna faced the Courier, who had watched this entire exchange in mild confusion, completely unaware of what was being said. He had the Sequoia in his lap. “Please, explain how that device operates,” she commanded, pointing at him with a hoof. There was a short silence. “He can’t understand me, can he?” she asked, thoroughly unamused.
Can one of you translate for us?” the Courier asked,


Turns out, this Luna is capable of amplifying her voice so much that it can actually be weaponized. Kinda like a sonic emitter that can’t fry electronics. Well, okay, not really.
So, I ended up getting roped into giving them all a weapons demonstration. I know, downright crazy. I was not happy with the idea, mainly because I didn’t have much in the way of spare primers, powder or lead. But, how can you say ‘no’ to a group that can pump enough radiation in you to irradiate the whole of Nevada? So, long story short, we figured out the language barrier problem again, they lead me to somewhere I could shoot without hitting someone, and they watched.
Shame they didn’t properly compensate for the penetration...


The eight ponies watched from a safe distance as the Courier looked down the sights of his Sequoia. They had taken him to a small part of the Guards’ barracks, and had set up a target in the form of a spare set of Guard Armour. Behind the target was a wall, a recent addition to the building and, therefore, made from plaster instead of stone.
Suddenly, a noise akin to thunder was heard, along with a short scream. At first, the Princesses thought that one of the castle’s weather ponies had lost control of their cloud, but they were proven wrong when Twilight Sparkle began muttering. “It tore right through...”
The seven others took a closer look at the armour and saw that it had not only put a hole in the plating on one side, there was a second hole through the other side and a third in the wall. “That is really weak metal,” the Courier commented. “You let your guards wear that?” he asked.
“What was that scream?” Rarity asked, trying to pat down her mane where some had sprung up in shock. As though to answer her question, pained moaning could be heard from the other side of the wall.
All nine occupants of the room looked at each other. “Well, fuck,” was all the Courier had to say on the matter.


Author’s Notes:
This is what happens when I get obscenely bored while at home sick. You get another 1400 words for your reading pleasure.