Rarity skidded to a stop. The heavy caliber ‘after-party’ party cannon slipped off of her back and landed in the dirt with a thud.
“APPLEJACK!” she shouted. “COME OUT HERE THIS INSTANT OR I WILL COME IN AFTER YOU!”
Before Rarity was a cave. Blocking her way was a large red apple shaped door set in the cave mouth. To both sides of it were traps. Rarity knew these traps, she had fallen for ones like them before. Even now she had to stop herself from trying to rescue the delightful lilac frock from the mud in which it was descending, the fire-ruby from the teenage dragon who was currently gnawing on it and the roll of imported midnighter fabric from an abnormally large moth which was currently laying on it.
NO. All of those things were mere distractions, The Apple Bucker had gone too far this time.
Rarity mounted the cannon and aimed it at the door. The dragon got a nervous look and edged away from the door.
“THEN I, AM COMING IN!” She covered her ears and lit the fuse with her magic. After a moment that seemed much longer than it was, the cannon roared. A rocket shot out of the barrel, sparks and streamers trailed behind it as it raced towards the door. It impacted with a massive explosion of confetti and a variety of cakes flying this way and that. By the time the dust and pastries had settled a huge hole was all that remained of the apple door.
Rarity hopped over the spent cannon and rushed through the new hole. The passageway might have at one point almost looked nice, with a marble floor, white stone pillars and what appeared to be recessed lighting along the ceiling. But now that was all covered in debris, scorch marks and frosting.
Rarity slowed, it would not do to get caught in a trap after having gained entrance to the lair, plus I would prefer to avoid getting any of this on my hooves. As she zig zagged around pieces of cake she heard a groan coming from the far end of the corridor.
A dirty orange hoof pushed out from a pile of icing and rubble. The Apple Bucker emerged from the pile, looking dirty but otherwise no worse for wear.
“APPLEJACK!” Shouted Rarity as she assumed a fighting stance.
The Apple Bucker’s head shot up and she glared at the intruder. “THAT’S THE APPLE BUCKER!” she shouted back. “YA GOT ALOTTA NERVE COMIN’ IN HERE AND BLOWING UP MY DOOR AND NOT CALLIN’ ME BY MY NAME!” She finished with a snort, smoke should have blown out of her nostrils to emphasize the point but instead colored paper came out, somewhat ruining the image.
“Well you should have thought about that before you went too far AND FOALNAPPED P!” Rarity pulled out her lipstick and charged.
“The Great Apple, told me it was the only way to make ya mine and The Great Apple ain’t never wrong.” The Apple Bucker picked up her hat and grabbed her rope, “and ya will be MINE!” then charged at Rarity.
“You’ve got another thing coming if you think for one moment that taking P will endear you to me, you RUFFIAN!” Rarity’s magic clicked something in her lipstick and the tip of it came out. A brilliant shining blue tip with electricity arcing from it.
The Apple Bucker readied herself, her swinging her rope into a lasso, ready to meet Rarity’s charge. “Well c’mon then ya…” she paused for a moment. “Ya FASIONIESTA!”
Rarity blinked, in the middle of her charge, she blinked. It took her a moment to piece together what Applejack or the Apple Bucker had just said, she had just tried to insult her by calling her, her profession outside of being an agent of the crown. She tried to stop it, really she did, but she couldn’t. Her hoof raised on its own, she had to facehoof; it had to be done. Unfortunately she was in the middle of a gallop, even more unfortunately the hoof she was currently raising was supposed to be touching down on the ground about this point.
Instead of continuing her gallop Rarity found herself in a roll, she quickly tucked her head down and tried to roll into a ball. She succeeded and managed to spin summersault once then kick off the floor with her legs, she even maintained magical hold over her lipstick. It was truly a beautiful recovery. But, sometimes beautiful just isn’t enough. As spectacular as her recovery had been, it also put her in the path of a suddenly spinning lipstick taser. Which managed to spin in just such a way that the electrified end landed right on her cutie mark.
Rarity’s jaw clenched as electricity shot through her, pinning her to the spot. Making her an easy target for the Apple Bucker’s lasso, which quickly wrapped around her torso then yanked her down. She landed at the Apple Bucker’s hooves, who didn’t wait a second before hogtying Rarity up and throwing her on her back.
“Shucks, ya didn’t have to do all those fancy moves just fer little ol’ me.” As if to emphasize the ‘me’ The Apple Bucker slid a hood over Rarity’s head. Trotting further into the cave as Rarity shouted expletives that cannot be said here.
The hood was pulled off her head to reveal a grinning orange face hovering over her. “Good, yer awake, now we can get started.”
Rarity gritted her teeth. She couldn’t use her arms or legs, her magic was blocked and her mane was a mess. Even in the direst situations she had tried not to take anything too personally. However, this time, The Apple Bucker had gone too far. “If you think for one moment that-“
The Apple Bucker ignored her and trotted to a console on the other side of the room. “An’ I’m gonna drop the cage into the vat of acid then you’ll be all mah’n.” The Apple Bucker said with smug satisfaction.” Behind her was a cage that contained a pink mare with fluffy pink mane and tail, beside her stood a younger mare with light yellow coat and red mane and tail.
“C’mon Applejack, this ain’t funny.” The younger one said.
The Apple Bucker slammed her hoof against the console she stood before, making a large dent in the metal casing. “DON’T CALL ME THAT! I’M THE APPLE BUCKER AN’ I PLAN TO HAVE RARITY ALL TO My-SELF.”
Rarity tapped her hoof against the table. “I have tried to be patient with you, I have tried not to hurt you when we fought, but FOALNAPPING P,” her voice cut through the chamber, echoing off the walls, “is going too far.” She narrowed her eyes as she glared at The Apple Bucker. “You will NOT get away with this, this time.”
The Apple Bucker giggled loudly as she suddenly galloped over to the table that Rarity was strapped too. “That’s tha passion I was lookin’ for from ya.” Her head was so close to Rarity’s cheek that Rarity could feel her breath flow over her fur. “As soon as I get rid of P, all that passion will have no place to go but ta me.” She threw back her head and let out an evil cackle then turned and blew Rarity a kiss and trotted back to the console. She reached up a hoof and pressed a button on top of the console.
A loud *shlick* echoed and a water fall of green goo surrounded the cage. The Apple Bucker laughed again. “Even if ya get of those straps, ya ain’t gonna make it through the goo fall to save yer P.”
Rarity gritted her teeth as The Apple Bucker pushed up on a lever and the cage containing P and Applebloom jerked then started slowly lowering.
“Rarity,” shouted P, “the cage is moving, can you come save me now? I don’t think I like it in here anymore.”
The Apple Bucker frowned and pushed on the lever again. “Hey, what gives, Applebloom?” She turned to the cage. “I thought this lever was supposed to drop the cage, not slowly lower it.”
“No, ya just said ya wanted a cage that would go down into tha acid pit, Ah remember that.” Applebloom said as she glared back at The Apple Bucker through the bars of the cage. “An’ why am Ah in this dang cage anyway, Ah’m sick of being stuck in yer cages.”
“Its cause ya can’t be trusted, ya keep telling Rarity where mah lairs are.” The Apple Bucker stamped her hooves, “Yer trying to get between us, ya ain’t getting in the way no more.” The Apple Bucker started hitting the lever.
While The Apple Bucker was distracted with the lever, Rarity quickly slid out the lock pick she kept in her tail and deftly released her leg then arm manacles. She leapt off of the table and rushed toward The Apple Bucker.
The Apple Bucker looked up just in time to see Rarity lunge at her. Rarity wrapped her arms around The Apple Bucker’s neck and used her momentum to spin around The Apple Bucker and she slammed her rear legs into the console, snapping off the lever. She kept hanging onto The Apple Bucker’s neck as they both spun.
Rarity could see The Apple Bucker rearing back with her front hoof to deliver a powerful blow, in a split second decision she grabbed The Apple Bucker’s face with her free arm and pulled her head forward and planted a deep kiss onto The Apple Bucker’s lips.
The Apple Bucker went limp in shock. Rarity used this to her advantage, she tucked her rear legs against her belly to spin faster, pulling The Apple Bucker off of her hooves. Rarity let go just in time to launch herself away from The Apple Bucker who slammed into the side of the console, knocking her out cold.
Rarity landed perfectly, but had no time to pose. Well, not a big pose, certainly a little one. After all, P was there. “WOOOOOO WAY TO GO RARITY!” Cried P, as the cage inched down.
All that stood between Rarity and P was a curtain of green goo. She hesitated only a second before leaping though. She landed on the side of the cage, her goo coated hooves couldn’t grip the bars and she started to slide down before a pair of pink legs shot out between the bars and grabbed her.
The smiling face of P gazed down at her from inside the cage. “I got you Rarity.” P pulled Rarity up against the side of the cage.
“Thank you, P. I’ll have you both out of there in a moment.” Rarity stood with her hind legs on the bottom of the cage as she wrapped her arms around P. With herself secured she gave her tail a flick and her lock pick flipped out of her sopping green curls.
After a brief moment of clicking the door swung open, Applebloom hopped out and landed on the edge of the platform, just in front of the goo fall. Rarity leaned forward and gave P a quick nuzzle then leapt off and landed next to Applebloom, followed quickly by P.
“Ya think mah sis is gonna be alright?” Asked Applebloom.
Rarity held up a hoof and closed her eyes. “One moment please, I need silence to break this anti-magic enchantment on my horn.”
Pinkie scooted next to Applebloom and patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry,” she whispered, “The Apple Bucker will be fine.”
“Ah don’t want her ta be The Apple Bucker anymore, Ah just want mah sister back.”
Pinkie put her hoof to Applebloom’s lips “Shh shh shhhhhh. Rarity and auntie Pinkie will take care of everything.”
They stood in silence for several minutes before a burst of laughter filled the lair “Wahahaaaaaa,” laughed Rarity as a blue glow surrounded her horn. With a quick flick of her head she pulled a lose panel from one of the various machines around the lair and brought it up under the goo fall. “Now, shall we abdicate this dreadful lair?” She said with a smile, which was ruined by a green glob falling from her mane and landing on the tip of her nose.
As Rarity stood there shaking her head and making gagging noises, P and Applebloom stepped away from the cage and over to where The Apple Bucker lay. “Ya think she’s al ’right?”
P leaned over The Apple Bucker and poked her, she stirred. “Yeah, Applejack’s gonna be fine, we’ll take her to Queen Celestia and she will get her back to normal in a jiffy.”
Rarity stepped up beside P, still covered in green goo. She could feel it as it oozed into her coat and shivered. “Yes, the Queen will surely know what to do with her. However in the meantime, we should probably tie her up.”
“I’m on it Rarity.” P saluted and dashed off, only to return a second later with a rope she had acquired somewhere. As she set to work binding The Apple Bucker a ringing filled the chamber. “Uhhh, Rarity, I think you’re ringing.”
“It must be Queen Celestia.” Rarity reached into her mane and pulled out three hair pins, she shook off the goo and set them all on the floor and stared at them as the ringing continued. She tapped her chin with her hoof. “P, which one is the phone?”
P hopped over to her and pointed her hoof at the leftmost hair pin. “This one.”
“Thank you, darling. I wish you would put a light on the phone, I would rather not accidently set off another one of your party bombs.” Rarity picked up the hairpin P had pointed to and bend it straight then put it to her ear. “Hello, your highness.”
Rarity trotted to the side of the room to talk to the Queen while P and Applebloom stood over the unconscious form of The Apple Bucker. “Ah wonder why she went so oranges over Rarity.” Said Applebloom, more to herself then P.
“She really really really realllllly loves Rarity.”
A scoff could be heard across the lair as Rarity looked back at them before quickly turning back around. “No no no Queen Celestia, I was laughing at something P said.”
Applebloom turned back to P. “AH know Aj loves Rarity, but Ah still don’t get why she went so oranges fer her.”
P giggled. “Cause Rarity is a super doper great pony.”
“She didn’t love me,” said Rarity as she trotted back over and bent the hairpin back into a hairpin shape. “She was obsessed with me, there is a rather large difference.” Her horn glowed and she tugged on The Apple Bucker’s bindings, testing them. She smiled at P. “Darling, I hate to do this, but would you be a dear and deliver The Apple Bucker to Queen Celestia?”
P looked disappointed. “You’re not coming back with us?”
“I am afraid not,” Rarity tried and failed to shake the goo out of her mane. “Apparently The Queen has discovered the location of The Awesome and she would like me to confront her before she moves again.”