//------------------------------// // -1- // Story: A Discorded Family // by Bakmah Genesis //------------------------------// Twilight sipped her tea, the draconequus across from spinning a spoon in the air with a bored look on his face. Spike ignored the two of them and snacked on his rubies, reading the latest Power Ponies issue. Taking a bite of her sandwich, looking up in time to see Discord taking a bite out of his glass of chocolate milk, the milk staying behind. “So,” said Twilight clearing her voice. Discord stopped trying to see how effective of a hoola-hoop his wedding band was, focusing his attention on her. “You’ve been pretty calm recently. No poison joke incidents, Ponyville for once has had a month without chaos or any other form of incident, which hasn’t happened the entire time I lived here. What are you planning?” Discord paled a bit, slipping on his ring. “Well, um…” “Did you rig my throne again?” asked Twilight with a flat stare. They finally repaired the ceiling after someone rigged her throne to launch her into it. “No, but…” “Is the bed filled with poison joke again? Or does my hair brush have a hoard of fleas again. Please tell me the tube doesn’t have blue dye in it again.” Twilight shivered as she remembered the time she went to court pure blue. “Well, not exactl-” “Or did do something in the mayor’s office? She still hasn’t forgiven me for the time you se-” “I’m pregnant.” The room went silent. Spike looked at him in horror, while Twilight stared at him in a mixture of shock and confusion. It was mathematically impossible for him to be pregnant. Of course, he did defy normal means, but… “We haven’t even done it!” exclaimed Twilight, standing up. “I mean, yes there was foreplay...a lot actually.” Her cheeks burned, but she shook her head and started pacing. “Ignoring the fact that you don’t function like a normal being, you would have to have sex to be able to reproduce with another…” Before he knew, Discord found Twilight standing up above him, glaring daggers into him. “Who is she?!” “Wh-who?” “The mare you’re cheating on me with!” “I didn’t cheat, I swear! You are the only mare I slept with, at least in the last thousand years.” Discord teleported to the other side of the table, nothing that smoke seemed to rise from her head. “Then how did you become pregnant?!” yelled Twilight, stamping her hoof. “Well, we did share bodily fluids.” said Discord, scratching behind his head. “In multiple ways.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re saying, just because we swapped fluids, but without having sex, you managed to get pregnant?” “I am the Lord of Chaos, does it surprise you?” Discord sat down with a sigh. “I found out I was a month along a month ago. So, we don’t have that long.” “What do you mean? We still have 7 months.” “Draconequus birth cycle is three months.” Discord could see the smoke again, this time as Twilight’s brain worked in overdrive to comprehend the situation. “You’re telling me, that we have a month to make a kids room, childproof a castle, and let our friends and family know?” asked Twilight, her eye twitching violently. Spike walked back into the room, having fetched parchment and a quill. He sat down with a sigh as he waited for the inevitable. “More or less.” Discord shrugged. He snapped his claws, forming a barrier between them as her eye twitched violently. “Spike...start making a list.” The drake let out a sigh, already titling said list as his sister/mother figure rambled on a list of baby items. “We should also find clothes. Wait, would the baby be pony or draconequus? Maybe a hybrid?” Discord sighed, sitting down in a chair as he watched her pace rapidly. The doors to the dining area opened, the rest of the mane six walking into the room. They stared at the growing mess that was Twilight and the draconequus hiding smartly behind a wall. “She does this a lot around me. You tend to get used to it.” he said with a shrug. “What did ya’ll do to her?” asked Applejack, watching the alicorn start to wear a small rut in the table with her constant pacing. Suddenly Twilight let out a sigh, lying flat on the table, looking defeated. “I’m not ready to be a parent.” said the mare, rubbing her temples as she felt a headache coming on. Their was a unison gasp before she was suddenly surrounded by her friends. “You’re having a baby?! Oh that’s wonderful, Darling!” Cooed Rarity. “When is it due?” “Next month.” said Twilight, as if it was going to be the end of the world. “Uh..sugarcube, ya’ll don’t look that far along. Ya sure it’s next month?” “Oh I am flattered!” exclaimed Discord, hovering above them. “I was worried that the baby would make me look fat.” The five mares stared at him in confusion, Twilight staring at him unphased. “Still don’t appreciate you waiting until a month after you found out” said Twilight, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not that bad.” “You just had a panic attack.” “For a justified reason!” huffed Twilight. “Not my fault I got a month to plan and prepare for a baby.” “Would it be the same if you had eight?” “No! Maybe...that’s not the point! Point is, you hid it from me for awhile now.” “I was scared.” admitted Discord, settling himself on the table. “Kids are a big deal for mortals, and even more of a big deal for immortals. And when it's an immortal and a possible mortal…” “You’re scared you’ll lose both of us someday.” said Twilight softly. Discord nodded solemnly. “Discord...I am sure that our child will live a long, plentiful life. But dwelling on our possible mortality ruins the fun we can possibly have as a family, something we both don’t want.” “So let me get this straight,” said Rainbow Dash, drawing attention to her. “Discord, a guy, is pregnant with Twilight’s baby, a girl? How the heck does that work?!” “Lord of Chaos. All you need to know.” said Twilight with a sigh. “I need time to cool down, then I need to clear a room by the master bedroom, decorate it, baby proof the rooms, buy a crib...oh Celestia this will be the death of me.” It took her the entire month, but Twilight managed to furnish and baby proof the new room within the month she was given. She did everything from put in a crib to scrub down the newly installed carpet since Discord said that using bubble wrap was overkill. The Lord of Chaos himself was hit by the last month of his pregnancy. Everything from random mood swings which caused all sorts of mayhem in Ponyville to odd eating habits. Applejack woke up to find three of her apple trees missing, only the apples remaining. Didn’t take Twilight long to figure out who did it. The only thing she didn’t do was tell her parents and her brother. Discord and her friends have tried to get her to do it multiple times, but she always evaded doing it. While she was happy the room was finished, she no longer had an excuse to why she couldn’t go visit her family. “I think this bed is too small for me.” stated Discord, popping his head out of the center of the bed. “Maybe a queen sized bed is more appropriate.” “Not for a baby room.” Twilight sighed, giving it one more look over. “Any day now and we will be parents. I don’t think I am ready.” “Nah. I hear over protective and worry-wart can be good mother characteristics.” said Discord with a shrug, gaining a glare from the smaller mare. “Besides, I estimate...five minutes.” “For our baby to be born? On what crazy theory were you able to pin down the exact birth time of a child coming from you of all ponies?” “The theory of chaos, my dear Watson.” said Discord, pulling out a pipe. He blew into it, letting out a stream of bubbles. “Besides, you should know better than to try and predict me by now, Sparkle Butt.” Twilight blushed at the mention of his pet name for her. “But that's just the thing! You’re unpredictable, but you are predicting yourself! It makes no sense whatsoever!” She sat down with a sigh. “So, you are saying, that our child will be born in a few minutes? Then what?” “Well, then we prepare for our guests that are coming over shortly!” Discord clapped with glee. “Oh I just love surprises!” “Discord...you didn’t invite who I thought you invited, did you?” asked Twilight, slowly realizing what he was getting at. “You would have to tell them sooner or later. I mean, you just can’t ignore this.” Suddenly, Discord pulled out a small bundle of purple fur. The draconequus held similar traits between the two of them. She had a pony body, albeit more fur than normal and paws instead of hooves. Two antlers poked out the sides of her white mane. She slowly turned over, revealing two red orbs. “You...had our baby…” said Twilight, speechless. “I...I don’t know what I expected honestly…” “You have a name?” asked Discord, rubbing a claw under the filly’s chin. “Penumbra sounds cute to me.” “I think so too.” said Twilight with a small smile, looking at her daughter. Just then their was a knocking on the castle door, causing her to sigh. “Oh buck.”