//------------------------------// // Chapter 13 -- Today Their Agony Darkens the Sky // Story: Wear Flowers in Your Mane // by jkbrony //------------------------------// The air had grown so still that the intense pounding of Rainbow Dash’s heart reached her ears as clearly as though it were the deafening roar of a Manticore. Her every breath emerged in slow motion, and it still required nearly every bit of willpower she had not to put the sheet of parchment in her hooves back down on the table and once again choose to save it for another day. There would be no turning back after this. There would be no erasing her father’s dying message from her mind, and once the final word was read, she knew that it would be the last she would hear from him for the remainder of her life. As her hooves trembled with enough intensity to suggest that she was standing in below-freezing temperatures, Rainbow Dash unfolded the parchment. She proceeded to scan the penmanship without keeping her eyes in place long enough to read any words, verifying that it matched that of the scrawled writing on the back of the envelope. She soon came to the conclusion that it was indeed her father’s own brand of mouth-writing, and nopony else had written the letter. With her nerves still causing her to shiver to the bone, and her breaths being exhaled in short bursts, she began to read from the top… Rainbow Dash, With any luck, I won’t be dead and gone by the time you’re reading this letter. This is all so difficult for me to wrap my head around, and I’m really not sure what I find more unusual at the moment: the fact that I’m writing to you after five years without any contact between us, or the possibility that I’m writing something that won’t be read until after I’m gone. I’m sitting in a hospital bed right now, more terrified than I’ve been since the day of your mother’s crash. Apparently, there’s some sort of infection killing me from the inside, and the doctors are trying to get to it before it does. They’ve told me that the infection is spreading, and that if they can’t stop it, I could be dead by the day’s end. I can’t even describe how harrowing a feeling it is to go see a doctor, thinking that you’re just going to get a new prescription medicine to treat your cough, but are told that you’re at risk of dying instead. I truly hope you never experience anything like that. Right now, the doctors are prepping me for surgery, and I’ve begged them for a pen and paper to write to you, because if I don’t make it, there are a few things I need for you to know. I would have preferred to tell you these things in person, but that may no longer be an option for me now, and I cannot risk departing from this world before you know them. There is a reason why I never supported your Wonderbolt dream, and it’s a reason that seems unbelievably shallow to me now. I’m not sure if you’ll believe this or not, but a very long time ago, before I had a cutie mark, I had a goal of becoming a Wonderbolt myself. Much like yourself, I tried to secure myself a place in their ranks from almost the moment I first heard about them. But I couldn't quite bring myself to admit that there were plenty of other colts my age who were much better fliers than I was. In fact, I could barely even keep with them during laps in Flight Camp. It wasn’t until I received my cutie mark that I came to accept that my inclusion into the Wonderbolts simply wasn’t going to happen, and once I had accepted that, I quickly learned that life is all about two things in particular: what is meant to be, and what is not meant to be. Whatever is meant to be will happen, and whatever is not meant to be will not happen, and there was nothing that we could do to change either one. That’s what I lived my life believing, and so I never set my expectations too high for anything. This way of thinking obviously didn’t leave me with too many friends, and I rationalized that by believing that I simply wasn’t meant to have lasting friendships. But life eventually changed for me by the time I had grown up. I had managed to strike up a friendship that had not only managed to last, but also blossomed into a romance. I got married, and then shortly afterward, I had you. My cynical views of life clashed significantly with your mother’s overly optimistic view, and to this day, I believe that’s exactly what ended up drawing us together. Before I knew it, she rubbed off on me, and I gradually began to change. She allowed me to gain an outlook on life that I had never possessed before. But on the day she died, my whole world came to a sudden crash. While I’m on this subject, it suddenly occurs to me that I should give you more details on how she died, since if I don’t make it, you’ll never know otherwise. I’m still not entirely sure if I should tell you, and you might actually wish that I hadn’t. Nevertheless, I can't help but feel that I owe it to you. There’s a reason why I’ve always been so vague about her death. The accident that claimed your mother's life occurred while she was performing for you. Watching her fly was something that you often enjoyed, and the crash occurred while she was looking over at you to see that spark in your eye that always filled her with so much happiness. I’ve never told you before now because I feared that you would feel guilty. I just want you to know that I’ve never blamed you for her death, so I sincerely hope that you don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault. Her death changed me for the worse. I doubt you remember the period that followed, but it certainly wasn’t a good one for me. For a really long time, I no longer wanted to live. I can say with certainty that you were the only thing keeping me alive. I had lost my wife, but I still had my daughter to look after. I still had you to keep me going, and so I kept on going just for you. But with your mother gone, I couldn't help but to slip back to my old outlook on life. I rationalized her death by insisting that I was never meant to be married, and so that’s why I never married again. As the years passed, watching you grow filled me with joy. I found that you were more than what I needed to live for. I couldn’t have been a prouder parent on those milestone days of your life when you said your first word, took flight for the first time, and even got your cutie mark. And I could only imagine how much your mother would have been proud of you as well. But then the next thing I knew, you were following directly in my hoofsteps. You wanted to become a Wonderbolt, and you were doing even more than I had to reach that goal. I was placed in a difficult position, a position which I had no solution for. I was convinced that, like me, you were only setting yourself up for an inevitable disappointment. I was fully convinced that if becoming a Wonderbolt hadn’t been meant to be for me, it was not meant to be for you either. So I did what I could to turn you away from that path, hoping that you would eventually grow out of it and pursue something else for a career. But then you performed a Sonic Rainboom and got your cutie mark, and before I— The writing ended abruptly as Rainbow Dash reached the end of the paper. She quickly turned it over and was surprised to see that the back was also filled with text from top to bottom. She resumed reading without bothering to take the time to reflect on anything she had read thus far. —knew it, your dream to become a Wonderbolt was stronger than ever before. At that point, I realized that there was probably little I could do to dissuade you. But I quickly found myself overcome with an emotion I had never expected: envy. That's right, I envied you, Dashie. I refused to believe that your Sonic Rainboom was anything more than a lucky mistake, and I even felt a sort of satisfaction that you struggled to perform it again. I couldn’t begin to understand or make sense of the fact that you were such a better flyer than I was, and even as I write this now, I still can’t. But it’s true, nonetheless. You are the best flyer I have ever seen, Rainbow Dash, and I honestly don’t know how you’ve managed that while you had my genes working against you. I didn’t want to admit it back then, but you were definitely more suited for the Wonderbolts than I ever was. Back then, it was far too embarrassing for me to admit to myself that I was envious that my own daughter was a better flyer than I was. But it didn’t stop me from envying you anyway. My attempts to turn you away from the Wonderbolts was no longer about trying to save you from inevitable disappointment, but it was instead about trying to save myself from the humiliation that my own daughter could accomplish what I couldn’t. That’s something I never should have done, and even though this is coming much later than it should have, I sincerely apologize to you for it. When you had finally decided to leave, I knew that at long last I was finally losing you, too. So I chose not to fight it. I chose not to do anything to save our relationship because I thought that this was yet another thing that was simply meant to be. I had come to the conclusion that in the end, I was always meant to end up all alone. In fact, I was even willing to accept that I probably wouldn’t ever see you again. But with you gone, and my days becoming lonelier and lonelier, I eventually decided to defy that notion. I decided that regardless of whether it would end badly or not, I would make an attempt to strike up a new relationship, or rather, an old one. I got back in touch with Wind Lily, a pony whom I had hired to take care of you back when you were a foal. Having somepony else in my life made things better, and even made it easier not to think about you as the years wore on. But I could barely deny that I began to miss you. My darn pride wouldn’t allow myself to admit it, but I came to understand how wrong I was for shooting down your dreams purely out of my own envy. Sometimes I would find myself missing you so much that it would hurt, but I never wanted to make an attempt to find you. I figured that I would wait on you to come back yourself. I decided that I wasn’t going to force myself back into your life and try to coerce you into forgiving me, no matter how much I needed it. And even now, I’ve decided against letting you know that I’m in the hospital, about to undergo surgery. Perhaps that was a mistake, but it’s all the more reason for me to hope that I make it out of this alive. My time and paper space is running short now, so I need to wrap this up. If I die, I’ve asked to have a picture of Wind Lily I carry with me enclosed within this letter so that you’ll know what she looks like and how to find her. Our old house will be left to you in my will, but since I assume you won’t want it, I ask that you turn it over to her. She’s expressed a desire to move, but she’s a bit financially unable to do so. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. And besides, I’d really like to leave her a token of my gratitude for her friendship all these years. Dashie, if I make it out of this, I’m going to pay you a visit after I recover, so get yourself ready to see me again. And if I don’t make it out of this, then I wish you luck in becoming a Wonderbolt, and I hope you enjoy a longer and more prosperous life than my own. I love you, Dashie, and I’m sorry. The world around Rainbow Dash seemed to fall dark and silent as the final word written on the parchment was absorbed by her eyes and subsequently nestled into her brain. What followed was an unrelenting numbness overtaking her legs, causing them to collapse before it then rushed its way through her body so deeply that she would have believed that she would never have the ability to feel anything ever again. At almost the same time, the most potent emotional pain she had ever felt in her life ripped through her skin and bones with violent aggression. Her every organ seemed to cease all function—her heart no longer pumped blood, her lungs no longer drew air, her brain fell entirely still. For all she knew in that moment, her life was being drained away as she sat there in silence, and she was too far in a daze to notice it. The letter slipped out of Rainbow’s weakened hooves and slightly dug itself into her cloud floor. There was so much she was now forced to wrap her head around that her mind urged her to give up before it could even make an attempt. It would surely take an indeterminable amount of time to fully process, to accept, and ultimately to live with for the rest of her life. Rainbow Dash slowly crawled into her bed as her ducts gathered what seemed like gallons of salty droplets awaiting release. As her head reached the pillow, the sound of her wailing was all that she could hear, and the warm tears stained her cheeks and added an additional coating of red to her crimson eyes. There was nothing she could do to stop herself, no matter how much she hated the sound of her own crying, no matter how much she hated how much the tears stung as they fell. Yet with her father’s final words still lingering prominently in her head, crying was the only thing she desired to do in that moment, as the tears and wails emerged like fragments of her emotional pain gradually ebbing away, and even the slightest bit of relief from that pain was something that she was unquestionably desperate for. Hours passed Rainbow Dash by as she remained curled up in her bed, and by the time her sobs had died down to slight whimpers and her ducts were cleared of the tears they had worked so rapidly to produce, the sun was in the process of making way for the night, and the light and warmth in her room was sinking down into nothingness. She still felt unable and unwilling to begin processing the content of her father’s letter. Where would she even start? The revelation to how her mother truly died? Her father’s admission of his envy? The genuinely heartfelt closing? Or the general nature of the letter, which ultimately turned out to be the exact opposite of what she had expected since the moment she had received it? Rainbow Dash threw a blanket over herself, fully obscuring her face from what little traces of sunlight still reached her room. She desired to remain there in complete silence, hidden away from the world without thinking about the letter, without thinking about anything… “Um, Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy’s voice emerging from the other side of Rainbow’s blanket took her by surprise, as there had not been a knock on her door, or at least one that she had heard. “Um, I know you said you wanted to be alone, but it’s been a few hours and I just wanted to see how you were doing,” she said, justifying her presence. Rainbow did not speak—her throat still felt too numb to formulate words. “Rainbow Dash, are you okay?” Fluttershy asked, and the closeness of her voice indicated that she had moved nearer to the bed. She turned on the light, and Rainbow instantly responded by snapping her eyes shut from beneath the blanket, as though she felt that seeing even the smallest inch of light would call forth her every undesirable need to start reflecting upon the letter. With the light on, Fluttershy quickly caught sight of the loose sheet of parchment lying on the floor near the bed and the fully open envelope lying on the bedside table. “Oh...you read your dad’s letter…” She could not quite yet determine whether this was good news or not, but Rainbow's lack of response appeared to suggest the latter. Roughly five minutes passed as Fluttershy waited for Rainbow Dash to give some acknowledgement her presence, but Rainbow remained without any intention to part from whatever sense of security she felt underneath her shield from the light. The longer Fluttershy waited, the more she was tempted to read the letter for herself, even despite her earlier position. “Rainbow, are you asleep?” Fluttershy asked, surprised that this had not occurred to her before. She gently pulled the blanket away, and Rainbow irritably twisted around and buried her face within a pillow, gripping it with her hooves as much as she could to prevent Fluttershy from cruelly stripping her of another sanctuary of darkness. “I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said, taking the action to mean that Rainbow Dash still wished to be left alone. “I guess I'll just go now.” Rainbow Dash finally responded with an agonizing groan. As much as she wished for Fluttershy to leave her in peace, Rainbow inexplicably felt that she did not want to be left alone with no one to help ease her pain. Mistaking the groan as a non-verbal expression of pain, Fluttershy immediately turned Rainbow Dash over onto her back, quickly checking her body for any physical injuries, and then her face for any emotional injuries as indicated by the presence a hopelessly grim expression. “Are you alright?” she cried, noticing the extra bit of red in Rainbow's eyes. Finally exposed to the light, Rainbow Dash no longer felt like hiding herself from it again. She rose from the bed while casting Fluttershy a look of unsubtle scorn for forcing her into what she had desperately wished to escape from. “Rainbow Dash, what’s going on with—?” Fluttershy's voice was left to die in her throat as Rainbow Dash unexpectedly hurried out of the room without breathing a single word, still holding scorn within her face. She descended down to the kitchen, grabbed the final bottle of cider from her refrigerator, and took a seat at the table, with Fluttershy joining her moments later. “Umm, what are you doing?” Fluttershy said, watching her friend with a cocked eyebrow. But Rainbow Dash continued to ignore her as she took several swigs from the bottle, emptying nearly half of it without a single concern that she would be without cider until the fall. The sweet, apple-flavored drink was heaven to her throat, and she felt an unapologetic bliss with each and every mouthful she swallowed. For the first time in the last few hours, she finally had something else to think about besides the letter and her ominous feelings towards the funeral, still looming so closely on the horizon. It took no small amount of effort to set the bottle back down, and once it was sitting upon the table, Rainbow Dash finally turned her attention towards her neglected friend. “I really needed that,” she said lazily, the cider having washed the numbness in her throat away. Fluttershy stared her down with a disapproving look, which immediately filled Rainbow Dash with irritation. “I’m not okay,” Rainbow said, her head shaking slowly. “And I’m not going to be okay.” Fluttershy sighed to herself and took the seat at the table opposite from her. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Rainbow Dash did not answer for over a minute as she stared at the bottle, silently debating to herself whether or not it would have been better for her to simply go on and empty it all down her throat. Her mind had already begun to reflect on the letter, and a sudden revelation struck her like a horn being maliciously thrust into her gut. “Both of my parents are dead because of me….” Fluttershy blinked with alarm. “What?” “It’s been my fault since the very beginning,” Rainbow said, lifting her eyes to meet Fluttershy’s confused stare. “I caused my mom’s accident. She was performing for me...and that’s how she died. And as for my dad....maybe I’m responsible for what happened to him, too. Maybe his infection happened because of all those years that he spent missing me...or something like that. Maybe if I had gone back to visit him from time to time, he’d still be alive now.” “Wait, slow down,” Fluttershy urged, having lost nearly all comprehension of Rainbow's rapidly-paced words almost right from the beginning. “What exactly are you saying? How is this your fault?” “In my dad’s letter, he finally told me what caused my mom’s fatal accident,” Rainbow Dash replied, now speaking slower and with more clarity. “And...it was me. She was performing for me. She was making sure that I was enjoying the show she was putting on for me, and that left her distracted. That’s how she crashed….and that’s how she died.” Fluttershy stared at her for a moment, then shook her head. “Well, that’s not—” “And my dad. I think that’s my fault, too,” Rainbow continued, ignoring her. “What if I was the reason he was sent to an early grave? What if he was missing me so much that his body just couldn’t handle it anymore?” “No, Rainbow Dash, that’s not true!” Fluttershy cried, shaking her head incredulously. “Neither of your parents' deaths are your fault!” “Well, I can’t blame anypony else,” Rainbow replied, with a disagreeing shake of her head. “There’s no one to blame!” Fluttershy cried. “Then why do I feel so guilty?!” Rainbow asked, staring dead into Fluttershy’s face, her eyes glowering with an equal display of sorrow and frustration. “Why do I feel like it’s my fault?!” “You’re just punishing yourself,” Fluttershy said, somewhat fearful Rainbow Dash’s demeanor. “Your parents wouldn’t want you to do that.” “Well, I deserve it, don’t I?” Rainbow questioned bitterly. “It’s not like I’ve done anything this past week but make a lot of choices that have done nothing but get me to the point where I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore.” “No, you don’t deserve it,” Fluttershy replied sternly. “You don’t deserve to believe that you’re at fault for your parents’ deaths when they were both simply random tragic occurrences that had nothing to do with you.” Rainbow Dash did not respond, and her eyes focused upon the remaining cider in the bottle, which she would have easily classified as “half-empty.” “You know, when it comes to animals, I’ve always found it interesting how differently many of them treat treat their young,” Fluttershy said, causing Rainbow Dash to raise a confused eyebrow at this unexpected change of topic. “Many animals will protect their young however they can, just like we ponies do, but not all animals do that. Some animals, like certain bears, actually leave their young to let them to survive on their own, usually within only weeks of their birth. Sometimes their young aren’t ready to survive on their own, and they often die because they’re unable to nourish themselves properly or shelter themselves properly. But as terrible as that sounds, it gets even worse. Some animals actually eat their own young.” Fluttershy convulsed slightly as though she felt that her last sentence had been like poison rolling off her tongue. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. She realized that all of this information was relevant to a point Fluttershy was trying to make, yet she still wished that it would come sooner. “There are a few reasons why they do it, but the most common reason occurs when the mothers are in a position where they know that they can’t protect their young,” Fluttershy continued after a moment. “When lean winters come and there’s no food to be found, they have to make a choice. Either the mother and her young both die of starvation, or the mother can save herself and live to try again with another child. It may sound awful to us that these animals would choose to put their own lives above the lives of their children, but it’s a logic that makes sense to them, just like it’s a logic that makes sense for us to sacrifice our lives to save our children.” Fluttershy ceased speaking for a moment, and Rainbow Dash avoided meeting her gaze. “If your mother had been faced with the choice of saving herself and saving you, which do you think she would have chosen?” Fluttershy asked, having finally arrived at her point. “Me, I guess,” Rainbow answered with a sigh. “But that doesn’t mean I would have wanted her to die for me.” “It’s never an easy choice,” noted Fluttershy. “But most parents would rather die than lose their children. Maybe you can’t understand that now, and I wouldn’t expect you to unless you one day have children of your own.” Rainbow Dash picked up the bottle of cider and took another large swig before slamming it back down on the table, frustrated that the sweet apple-flavored drink was no longer easing her pain as it did before. “You can’t blame yourself,” continued Fluttershy. “As I told you before, not everything is your fault. What happened to your mother wasn’t your fault, and what happened to your father wasn’t your fault. At some point, you're going to have to learn to stop tearing yourself apart over what you’ve done, or what you shouldn’t have done, or what you wish you had done. It’s in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it now. All you can do is focus on the present. Sooner or later, you’re just going to have to learn to move forward.” Once again, Rainbow Dash did not bother with a response as she turned her head towards the window. The evening had since fully transitioned into night, and she already dreaded seeing the sun again, knowing that it would bring about a day that she would quickly want to forget, yet one that she knew would surely stay embedded within her memory for the rest of her life... “How have you been eating lately?” Fluttershy asked, causing a sudden change in subject yet again. “I mean, you barely touched your breakfast this morning and yesterday, too.” “I just...haven’t been hungry much, I guess,” Rainbow replied with a shrug. “Well, how about I cook us up some oatburgers?” Fluttershy asked with a hopeful smile. “Maybe a good meal will help take your mind off things?” “Sure,” Rainbow said with a nod, though her voice carried little enthusiasm. “Alright, then,” Fluttershy said, still smiling as she rose from her seat and went straight to work, pulling two patties of mashed-together oats from the freezer then placing them on two separate skillets. It was not long before the sizzling patties filled the kitchen with the scent of an enticing meal, but it did little to sway Rainbow’s thoughts about how much she wished that her father had decided against disclosing the details of her mother’s death to her, even if it meant taking it to his grave. Now that she knew what really happened, how could she possibly not think herself at least partially responsible? Nevertheless, there was nothing she could do about it now. As Fluttershy had said, it was all in the past, and there was no way she could change it... ...or was there? “Do you think there’s any chance that Twilight could send me back in time?” Rainbow asked suddenly. “I mean, we know she went back in time once before, right?” The question had come so unexpectedly that Fluttershy nearly knocked one of the skillets off the stove as she turned herself around. “Umm, I think she only could do it once,” she replied, the question filling her with unease. “If I recall correctly, she mentioned something about the time travel spell only having a one-time use.” “Well, what if I found another unicorn who could do it?” Rainbow suggested hopefully. “Do you think that would work?” “Um, well, I don’t know, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said, her voice heavy with nervousness as she suddenly realized that the question was not simply hypothetical. “Why do you ask?” “If it’s possible, I want to go back in time and save my mom’s life,” Rainbow answered with a flat tone of voice that seemed to trivialize the gravity of her answer. “I think it could probably work.” The answer struck Fluttershy with a sensation equivalent to Rainbow taking one of the hot skillets from the stove and hitting her over the head with it. “I….I don’t know what to say,” she replied in disbelief. “That doesn’t exactly sound like moving forward. In fact, it sounds like just the opposite.” “What if I could save them?” Rainbow questioned. “What if I could grow up with both of my parents? What if my life could have turned out differently? What if there’s a chance that I don’t have to face tomorrow after all?” Fluttershy was so stunned by Rainbow’s words that she barely noticed that the two oat patties on the stove were both long overdue for a flip. “I really think this might be possible,” Rainbow asked with an excited grin beginning to spread across her face. “My dad told me in his letter that my mom was able to change his negative attitude about life. If I save her, he could turn out differently himself. And maybe I could even save his life, too...somehow.” Fluttershy turned her attention back to the oat patties and hastily flipped them over, still not sure what to say or even think. “How—how would you save her?” she asked. “What are you planning to do?” “I would go back to the day she died and tell her not to perform for me anymore,” Rainbow answered with unbridled confidence. “And not only would I be saving her life, I would actually be meeting her for the first time!” Fluttershy was numb to Rainbow's growing excitement, and simply attempted to concentrate her focus on the patties. She waited for the moment when Rainbow Dash would take several steps back and realize just how crazy she sounded, but her faith in the plan seemed to suggest that it was not coming. “I want to go see Twilight right now!” Rainbow said enthusiastically, nearly jumping from her seat. “She should be able to tell me whether or not this is possible, and she might even be able to direct me to a unicorn who could send me back!” “Wait!” Fluttershy cried as Rainbow fully removed herself from her seat. “Are you….are you absolutely sure that this is something you want to do?” “If it means that my mom could still be alive today, and that I won’t have to go to my dad’s funeral tomorrow, then yes, it is,” Rainbow Dash replied with a manner of sincerity that Fluttershy could not deny. “But Rainbow Dash, time travel is...it’s too risky, even if you’re using it to save somepony’s life,” Fluttershy pointed out. Rainbow Dash retracted at her response, lifting an eyebrow slightly to imply her lack of understanding as to why Fluttershy intended to stop her. “What do you mean?” “I mean, what if you ended up changing something you don’t want to change?” asked Fluttershy. “What if you never move to Ponyville? What if we never become friends?” Rainbow Dash stroked behind her head as she pondered on this. Knowing that her father had been the driving force behind her decision to leave Cloudsdale, there was indeed no guarantee that she would have ever moved to Ponyville had her mother survived. Yet somehow, it was a possibility that seemed to dwindle when stacked against the alternative of growing up with her mother. “I would be able to meet my mom,” she said softly. “That would mean everything to me....” Fluttershy lowered her ears and turned off the stove, looking sorrowfully at the thoroughly-cooked oat patties which she was now certain would not be eaten by either of them. “Well, if that’s what you want…” The disingenuous nature of her tone did not go missed by Rainbow Dash, who raised an accusatory eyebrow. “You don’t want me to do it, do you?” Fluttershy silently lifted the two cooked oat patties and set them on two wheat buns on two separate plates before answering. “I’m sorry, but it just....seems a bit reckless,” Fluttershy said. “What if you end up doing something that you can’t take back? I just don’t think you should jump right into this. I think you need to take some time to think about it.” Rainbow Dash sighed with annoyance and sat herself back down at the table. Her mind had been made up from the moment the idea popped into her head, and even in spite of any potential risks on the table, the thought of choosing not to go back in time and save her mother now filled her with an overwhelming sense of anxiety. “You don’t know what it’s like to want your mother so badly that you can’t stand it,” she said solemnly. “You don’t know what it’s like to stare at a single picture of your mother for so many years of your life and wish that you could have had the chance to know her. You don’t know what it’s like to forget the feel of your mother’s touch and never remember it again. You don’t know what it’s like to miss that so much....” Fluttershy said nothing as she decorated the patties with veggies and condiments, still fully convinced that it was a meaningless effort. Nevertheless, preparing a meal that would go uneaten still seemed to be the superior option to looking directly into Rainbow’s hopefully optimistic eyes as she shot down her borderline insane idea. “If there’s a way…don’t you think I owe it to her to try?” Rainbow asked, hoping to finally hear a response of approval. Fluttershy did not answer before bringing their plates over to the kitchen table and sitting back down in her seat. “I’ll say that I believe you deserve to meet her,” she replied. “It wasn't fair that you never got the opportunity to grow up with your mother, and I understand that. But….changing the past? I’m sorry, but I just can’t see that ending well.” Rainbow Dash huffed with frustration and stared down at the oatburger underneath her nose, which still appeared appetizing enough despite knowing that her stomach was far too restless to digest any food... “What if we never become friends with you?” Fluttershy asked in a mournfully desperate voice while she ignored her own burger. “There’s a chance that if you do this, we’ll never have the chance to meet you.” Fluttershy's concerns did not fall on deaf ears, and Rainbow Dash gradually felt her enthusiasm fading as she considered them. However, she merely gritted her teeth in response. There was surely nothing Fluttershy could possibly say to change her mind, so why did she insist on showing her no support? “What if I can’t handle this anymore?!” Rainbow cried, scowling at her. “What if I’m tired of not seeing my life past tomorrow? What if I just want this pain to end now?” “The pain won’t last forever,” Fluttershy insisted. “Sooner or later, you'll learn make room for it and you'll start enjoying life again.” “But that time isn’t now, and that’s the point,” Rainbow said bitterly. “How long is 'sooner or later?' I’m not even sure I could make it through another week!” “We can help you!” Fluttershy replied desperately. “Even if you need us to stay with you overnight, you know that none of us would have any problem with that!” “What if that's still not enough?!” Rainbow said as she slammed her hoof down on the table, causing the bottle to fall over and the remaining cider inside to spill out and leave a golden stain. “When my mom died, my dad only had me to live for. What if I don’t have anything to fill my own emptiness, especially if Scootaloo never forgives me?” “You have us!” Fluttershy cried reassuringly. “There are so many ponies who care about you. You have your career as a Wonderbolt, which you're only just starting. You have so much to keep you going, and I, for one, am not going to let you be consumed by pain!” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth even tighter, still more than certain that she could not dissuaded, but now lacked any further drive to continue arguing about it. She looked over at the spilled cider on the table and sighed, realizing that she would have nothing else to distract her from her anxiety. “Couldn't you just sleep on it?” Fluttershy asked. “Make your decision tomorrow. I think you should also tell our friends and see how they feel about it. If you're going to be making a decision that could probably exclude you from their lives, don’t you think you owe it to them to let them know?” Rainbow’s frustration exited her body with a deep sigh. “Fine.” “Thank you,” Fluttershy replied with an appreciative nod. “I just want you to realize how big a decision like this is. It's not one that can just be made without taking a long time to consider it.” Rainbow looked down at her oatburger again, falling into silence as she begun to imagine what life with her mother would be like. She thought about every last moment in her young life when she had spoken with her mother's picture for solace, and had little capacity to imagine just how incomparable they would have been to the genuine tenderness and love she would have received from those moments had her mother been there in person. There would have surely been a night and day's worth of difference... “Umm, by the way, you wouldn’t happen to have any flowers would you?” Fluttershy asked suddenly. Rainbow looked back up her, utterly confused as to why she would ask this question. “What?” “Well, if you choose to have the funeral after all, you’ll need some flowers to style your mane with, right? I’ve already told our friends about it and they'll be getting some themselves.” Rainbow Dash had forgotten all about Cloudsdale’s funeral custom, but the idea of having flowers weaved into her mane somehow seemed unbelievably degrading. “No, I don't,” she answered tiredly. “Well, I’ll get some for you in the morning, then,” Fluttershy said. “You know, just in case.” “Thanks,” Rainbow Dash said with a nod, and then to Fluttershy’s surprise, she picked up her oatburger and took a large bite, no longer able to maintain her immunity towards its alluring sight and scent. “Rainbow Dash, I want to help you, I really do, but I’m just not sure your idea is feasible,” Fluttershy said sorrowfully, her oatburger remaining untouched. “If ponies could just go back in time to save their loved ones from dying, I think we would have heard about it happening more often.” Rainbow gulped the chewed bits down her throat. “Maybe, but I still have to know for sure whether or not it’s possible. I just have to know.” “I understand,” Fluttershy replied with a single nod, then finally dug into her own burger. The exchange of words between the two pegasi was minimal as they consumed their dinner and Fluttershy gave her close friend a much-appreciated hug before returning home, leaving Rainbow Dash to prepare herself for what she was certain would be the longest and most sleepless night of her life. **** The therapeutic image of blissfully circling around the massive face of the moon occupied Rainbow’s thoughts as she stared at it, having allowed her mind to take a blissful rest from the endless reflecting and debating she had been doing for several hours in her unpleasant state of sleeplessness. In the hours that had passed since Fluttershy’s departure, as her excitement gradually wore itself away, Rainbow Dash had come to realize just how unrealistic her plan to save her mother's life seemed. The sheer difficulty of finding a unicorn who could cast the spell, let alone one who would be willing to waste their only opportunity to travel through time on her, and the unsettling notion that she would simply be postponing her mother's death, rather than preventing it entirely, both lent themselves to the ostensibly unquestionable ridiculousness of the plan. It almost made her feel as though she were just a filly, rife with naivety, holding onto an uncast wish as she watched the sky night after night in the hopes that a shooting star would streak across it, only to eventually lose hope that she would ever see one. If there was any part of her mind that still believed in the idea’s feasibility, it was now focused entirely on the question of how differently her life would have turned out had her mother survived. She was certain that she would still be just as dead set on getting into the Wonderbolts, yet she still could not deny the validity of Fluttershy’s concerns. If her father had never pressured her into leaving Cloudsdale, it was entirely possible, perhaps even likely, that she would still be there. And what would that mean, not only for her, but for all of Equestria itself? Without moving to Ponyville, she may never have become the Element of Loyalty, and for all she knew, Equestria would be war-torn and almost entirely decimated around this time in an alternate future. Would there be another pony who could wield her Element? Or would fate somehow lead her to Ponyville regardless of whether her mother survived or not? Meanwhile, as much as she struggled not to think about the letter, her father’s final words to her still managed to ring through her head as strongly as though they had been shouted directly into her ear. She was beyond any doubt that she would not have believed her father had written a single word of it had she not recognized his mouth-writing, but what she had read was almost enough to give her the impression that she had never truly known him at all. The notion that he had once attempted to become a Wonderbolt himself was borderline impossible to believe after the many years he had attempted to tear down her dream, insisting how impossible it was and how she was simply wasting her time. It was almost just as impossible to believe that his own envy was what drove his efforts to turn her away from them, as she would have likely believed it to be among the last of his reasons why. How did he manage to hide those envious feelings so well? How was she supposed to feel about him now that she knew the truth…? The only sense of solace the letter offered her was sitting comfortably right at its closing, where it would likely to bring tears to her eyes each and every time she read it. She could not even recall the last time she had heard her father had expressed love for her in person—with their relationship growing more and more strained in the weeks before her departure, he had not exactly been willing to show her any great deal of affection. She was warmly comforted by the words, even if she could never return them... Rainbow Dash groaned as she continued to look upon the face of the moon, fully aware that she clearly needed more time to process these thoughts than what the night was going to provide her. What time was it now? How many hours before Celestia would bring forth the dawn? She dared not look at a clock. For now, she was simply satisfied that the moon still showed no intention of giving up its spot in the sky in favor of the sun, letting her know that she still had more time, however little it was. With a silent sigh of reluctance, Rainbow crossed over to the other side of her bed and stared face-to-face with her mother’s picture, which had since become almost too painful to look at now that she knew the circumstances behind her death. “What do you think I should do?” Rainbow asked the frame, forcing a hopeful smile. “I’m sure you’d be happy to be alive again, wouldn’t you? I’m sure you’d love to have the chance to watch me grow up, right?” As always, her eyes scanned every corner of the photograph as she waited for her mother’s response—the feeling of positive affirmation that she always received whenever asking her mother a question. But to her utter surprise, it did not come. Instead, it was replaced with an entirely different sensation, one that wiped her hopeful smile directly off her face and ensured that she would not simile again anytime soon. There no way Rainbow Dash could have interpreted the hollow emptiness and vacant emotion she felt in that moment as anything other than her belief that her mother was vehemently rejecting the idea. “I could save you!” Rainbow replied with desperation. “You could be alive today, right now! You could have been here with me in person through all those times when I’ve needed you in my life. This is possible!” Her mother’s opinion did not seem change, and Rainbow Dash quickly regretted asking her at all. She bit down hard on her lip while confusion and anxiety took hold of her expression. Why would her mother refuse? Did she not want to be saved? Did she not want to see her daughter again and live a full life with her? Or could it be that, like Fluttershy, her mother also did not want her to change the past as a substitute for moving forward with her life? Suddenly, as though her mother’s refusal had managed click on a light bulb from within her head, Rainbow’s idea to travel back in time no longer just seemed unrealistic to her, it now seemed downright childish. She was overwhelmed by the realization that it was nothing more than fruitless wishing, akin to that of a filly wishing for a massive snowstorm to occur overnight in the hopes of school being cancelled the next day, despite the fact that the season had since shifted well into mid-spring. It was something that was never going to happen, no matter how much she wanted it. And now, whether Rainbow Dash was willing to admit it or not, she realized that there was simply no escape from having to endure a last look at her father’s deceased body before he would be raised into the sky to join the millions that departed the world before him….including her mother. How foolish she must have seemed as she enthusiastically pitched the idea to Fluttershy, only to be left angry that her closest friend did not support it…. As swarms of droplets returned to her eyes, Rainbow Dash stared solemnly back into her mother’s face, having accepted at last that she would never have the chance to look upon it from outside the borders of a photograph.... “I’m so sorry, mom,” she said, trembling with helplessness. “I’m so sorry I can’t save you...” She turned away from her bedside table as she felt her heart bleeding from inside, urging her on for another well-warranted cry. She threw a blanket over herself and curled up underneath it just before a series sobs rushed to accompany fast-moving tears, and she could do nothing more than reflect painfully upon the empty excitement that the prospect of saving her mother had filled her with just hours ago. To think that she had actually been willing to accept the possibility that the endeavor would leave her growing up without ever knowing the friends she loved so dearly...and even Scootaloo…. For better or worse, Rainbow Dash fully understood that there was nothing that could save her from what was going to transpire within the next eight hours. There was nothing that was going to stop her life from moving forward, now without either of her parents… As the tears poured out relentlessly from her eyes, Rainbow began to shiver, her body feeling colder and more empty than she could ever recall it being before. **** Rainbow was still shivering as the dawn made itself visible, putting an abrupt end to a night of tears and brief periods of uncomfortable sleep. The first glimpse of the sun urged her to bury herself underneath her blanket as she had before, vainly hoping that the night would continue on if she simply refused to acknowledge the morning had come. It managed to work for an additional two hours, but came to an end once Rainbow Dash heard an unwelcome knock at her door, finally forcing her to accept that not even her blanket could save her from the new day. She groaned with displeasure, knowing that much like the sun itself, the pony at her door would not be going away anytime soon. Kicking the blanket off of her body with irritation, Rainbow clambered out of bed and made her way to the bathroom, splashing cold, refreshing water on her face in an effort to hide her lack of sleep. She then slowly descended the stairs to answer the new day's call. Once more, Rainbow Dash found herself staring into Fluttershy’s face. A small basket of flowers was clasped within her hoof, which Rainbow immediately identified once she saw their wing-like petals. “I have the flowers. Are Birds of Passion okay?” Fluttershy said as Rainbow Dash looked at them. “I guess so.” “I suppose you’ll be needing me to do your hair, then,” Fluttershy noted. "That is, unless you’ve decided that there won’t be a funeral today.” Rainbow sighed, and wordlessly stepped to the right of the doorway to allow Fluttershy’s entrance. “So, umm, have you made a decision?” Fluttershy asked nervously as she followed Rainbow Dash into the kitchen, where she took one of the chairs from the table and carried it into the bathroom. “Just forget that I ever brought it up,” she said as she took a seat in full view of the mirror. “It was a dumb idea, and I guess I was feeling too desperate at the time to realize it.” “That’s a relief,” Fluttershy replied with a smile, “especially since it wasn’t possible anyway.” Rainbow blinked as Fluttershy began working to weave the weightless bird-like flowers through her mane. “How do you know it’s not possible?” Fluttershy appeared hesitant to answer, and waited until she had weaved the first flower in place before doing so. “Twilight told me that unicorns can only send themselves back in time, not others. The time travel spell involves memories. You can only travel back in time so long as you’re traveling to an event that you can remember. Since no other unicorn has your memories, it would have been impossible to send you back in time. And besides, you don’t have any memories of the day your mother died, do you?” Rainbow Dash was immediately gripped with worry at the fact that Fluttershy knew this information. “So...does this mean that you talked to Twilight last night?” “No, actually....I’ve known about this for a while now,” Fluttershy answered with even greater hesitation. “A few months ago, one of my poor badger friends drowned in a lake while trying to learn how to swim. I asked Twilight whether or not there was a way to send me back in time so I could save him, and that’s when she told me it was impossible.” The recollection of this event forced a temporary break in Fluttershy's work, and she wiped at her moistening eyes while Rainbow Dash’s own eyes narrowed into a fierce, unforgiving glare. “Well then why didn’t you tell me that last night?!” she demanded, nearly rising from her seat in anger. “Why did you let me get my hopes up for nothing?!” “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said, frowning with shame. “I know it was cruel, but….I wanted to know what your choice would be if you believed that it were possible. I was hoping you would realize on your own just how crazy an idea like that was. And, well, I’m relieved you did.” Rainbow unslanted her eyes and shook her head, feeling an inexplicable desire to slam her head down upon a nearby table. “I probably wouldn’t have believed you, anyway,” she admitted as Fluttershy resumed weaving. “I probably would have thought you were lying just to convince me not to do it. I was just so desperate about the idea of meeting my mom…” “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t fault you for bringing the idea up,” replied Fluttershy. “I understand why you had to know for sure. That’s exactly how I felt when I went to Twilight to save my badger friend. If you don’t mind my asking, what was it exactly that made you change your mind?” Rainbow tightened her lips together. She was certainly not ready to let Fluttershy know about her private chats with her mother’s picture... “I just….I decided that giving up my friends was just too heavy a cost. Even if it means my mom survives, I don’t want a new life where I never meet you or any of our other friends. It’s just too much.” Fluttershy smiled with satisfaction at her answer. She continued weaving her way down Rainbow Dash’s mane, inserting each Birds of Passion flower tightly enough so that they would not be at risk of flowing away in a heavy wind. “Do you still feel responsible for your parents’ deaths?” Fluttershy asked once she fitted the fourth flower in place. “I don’t know,” Rainbow answered, shaking her head. “I guess that was also just a feeling that I had in the moment. My dad said in the letter that he doesn’t want me to blame myself for what happened to my mom, so...I guess I shouldn’t, at least for his sake.” “No, you shouldn’t,” Fluttershy affirmed. “And you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened to him, either.” Rainbow did not respond and turned her attention towards Fluttershy’s work, appreciative of her efforts. Just a little over a week ago, she would have thought that being seen with flowers woven through her mane would have presented a dire threat to her hard-earned reputation. But that somehow seemed like a lifetime ago now, back when preserving her self-image was among the few petty things she once thought truly mattered to her. Nevertheless, wearing flowers still seemed like an exceedingly dull funeral custom. “Rainbow, I think I owe you an apology,” Fluttershy , initiating a new conversation. “I had no business forcing my opinion on the relationship between you and your father and telling you what you should do.” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?” “The other day, when we had that talk….back when I told you that you shouldn’t be looking for satisfaction and should instead be looking to repair your relationship with your dad. I think I went too far. It did nothing but make you uncomfortable about telling me that he died, and also make you think that I would judge you for never going home to see him again.” “You don’t need to apologize. You really helped me on that day,” Rainbow said, then sighed. “I really should have just told you then. I actually almost did, but...something stopped me. I had already decided that I wasn’t going to tell any of my friends. I just didn’t want to make anything out of it because I thought I was going to be able to get through it easily. I didn’t know at the time how wrong I was…” Fluttershy frowned. “Well, I’m glad to hear that I helped you, at least.” “By the way, you’re still going to speak at the funeral, right?” Rainbow questioned, suddenly remembering that she had asked to do so. “Umm, well, yes,” Fluttershy answered, shifting nervously as though she had just realized for the first time that she would soon be speaking in front of others. “What are you going to say, anyway?” “You’ll just have to wait and see,” Fluttershy answered with a sly wink. Rainbow said nothing more to allow Fluttershy to concentrate on what she was doing. Within the next few minutes, the final flower was woven in place near the bottom of Rainbow’s mane. “Okay, all done,” Fluttershy said, taking a step back from the chair. “I think you look nice.” Rainbow Dash swayed her head left and right in the mirror as she stared at the nine Birds that now nested in her hair. She could not deny that Fluttershy’s work had been competently done—the Birds of Passion both blended and contrasted with her rainbow-colored mane, and she could not see even the slightest trace of the stems. “Uh, thanks,” she said with genuine gratitude. “You’re quite welcome,” Fluttershy replied. “I’ll get Rarity to do my mane. You can go ahead and get ready. We’re meeting at Twilight’s place before we leave for Cloudsdale.” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and shook her head solemnly at her reflection in the mirror. “Are you okay?” asked Fluttershy. “I just….can’t believe this is finally happening.” “I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said, spreading her forelegs apart to initiate a hug, but Rainbow pretended not to notice it. “This is something we all have to do at some point,” Fluttershy said as she lowered her legs. “I’m sorry to say, but this won’t be the last funeral you’ll attend in your lifetime, nor mine.” Rainbow nodded wordlessly. “Just take all the time you need,” encouraged Fluttershy. “You know where to meet us.” She exited the bathroom and then exited the house while Rainbow Dash continued staring motionless at the Birds of Passion in her mane through her sullen visage in the mirror. **** By nine o’clock, the new day had been embraced by all of Equestria, and an active Ponyville bounded underneath a crisp morning sky. Within the bark walls of Golden Oaks Library, Twilight was staring into the dressing mirror in her bedroom, looking at the bright red peonies being weaved through her mane by Spike, who was standing taller than usual, elevated by a tiny stool. “Um, why do I have to do this again?” the young dragon asked as weaved yet another flower in place. “It’s a tradition, Spike,” Twilight answered. “Pegasi have been weaving flowers in their manes at their funerals since Princess Celestia and Luna were fillies.” “Oh,” Spike replied, suddenly more grateful than ever before that he did not possess a mane. “Just keep working. You’re doing a good job,” Twilight said as she smiled at her reflection. Spike grinned proudly at the compliment. The sound of Twilight’s approval made him even more focused on his task, so much so that he barely noticed the sound of the front door opening from below, nor the sound of hoofsteps subsequently climbing up the stairs. “Oh, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, almost stunned to see her arrive first. “You look great!” Rainbow looked down at the dark blue mourning dress covering her body, which was mostly plain except for some rainbow-colored patterns surrounding each of its seams and openings. It was a dress Rarity had given her on the last Hearth’s Warming, and had never been worn before now. “Umm….thanks,” she replied with noticeable discomfort which was further displayed in her slightly flushed cheeks. “So...how are you feeling?” Spike asked before stopping himself to think about whether or not that was a question he should be asking. Rainbow barely held back a sigh, hoping that she would not be repeatedly asked this same question from each one of her friends as they arrived, or any of the other funeral attendees. “I don’t really know,” Rainbow answered, shaking her head. “I just hope I’ll be able to keep it together throughout this whole thing.” “‘Keep it together?’” Twilight repeated almost incredulously. “Rainbow Dash, this is your father’s funeral. You have every right to cry as much as you want, and you wouldn’t be impressing anypony if you didn’t cry at all.” Rainbow Dash pursed her lips bitterly. She was beyond sick to death all the crying she had been doing lately, and felt even more averse to doing it in front of a small crowd of ponies whom she was sure would be observing her every action during the funeral. “Yeah, well, I'll just...let you guys get ready,” Rainbow said to deliberately dodge a reply, then trod back down the curved steps and into the base floor of the library. She waited in silence, feeling a set of icy chills trailing down her back at the revelation that the funeral was only a mere short hour away. In her state of anxiety, each passing minute seemed to last twice as long, and by the time Rarity and Pinkie Pie burst through the front door, she felt as though she had been waiting a full half hour. “Rarity did my hair!” Pinkie exclaimed with excitement, as though she had completely forgotten the reason for which she was all dressed up. “You like?” Rainbow took a moment to examine the attire of her two friends. Rarity’s mourning dress was almost entirely black, and a matching veiled hat nearly obscured the white orchids sitting in her indigo mane. Pinkie’s gown was crimson red, which she seemed to wear with the expectation that she would be hosting a party with more of an elegant flair than what she was accustomed to. Her dark pink mane glowered with yellow daffodils. “Yes, Miss Pie, it is quite lovely as I’ve told you,” Rarity said, rolling her eyes. Rainbow Dash was surprised to find a smile attempting to overtake her dour expression, but Rarity affectionately threw her forelegs around her neck before it could. “I hope you know that we’re here for you, darling,” Rarity said, her eyes welling up. “Yeah, I know, Rare,” Rainbow replied softly. “Thanks.” The next of their friends to arrive were Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle after another ten (or perhaps twenty?) minutes had slowly ticked away. Like Pinkie and Rarity before them, they were each dressed appropriately for the occasion—Applejack was fitted in a country plain green-and-red dress, and scarlet roses within her golden mane accounted for the lack of her trademark stetson. Apple Bloom still wore her signature bow, but bright blue bellflowers clashed spectacularly with her mane, and even greater still with her platinum-colored mourning dress. Sweetie Belle’s flower of choice was the pansy, and her mane was radiant with the flower’s multiple colors, while the color of her dress matched that of her eyes. “Hi, Rainbow Dash,” Apple Bloom said, the first of them to speak. “We’re really sorry to hear about your dad.” “Yeah,” Sweetie Belle added with a nod. “And sorry, but we couldn’t get Scootaloo to come. We’re not sure why, but she…” “Don’t worry about it,” Rainbow said, cutting them off before they could say too much. “I...I knew she wasn’t coming.” The two fillies appeared more than a little curious, but said nothing more about it. Applejack gifted Rainbow Dash with an apologetic smile accompanied by a gentle touch on the shoulder, but it did little to make her feel better about Scootaloo’s absence. “Fluttershy's out renting the balloons that will be lifting us up to Cloudsdale,” said Rarity. “I’m sure she’ll be along shortly.” At last, Twilight and Spike finally descended the stairs and joined them, both fully dressed like everyone else. Twilight’s mourning dress was a spring blend of yellow and sky blue, while Spike sported the same black jacket he wore at most of the formal events he attended, cleaned and ironed. His head was free of any flowers. “Is it time to go?” asked Spike. “We’re just waitin’ on Fluttershy,” replied Applejack. “I’d better cast the cloud-walking spell on you fillies,” Twilight said to Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Rainbow Dash turned her attention back towards the library's front door, paying no mind to the magical flashes that emerged from Twilight’s horn as she gifted the two young ponies with temporary pegasi abilities. A fleeting hope had just emerged within her that Scootaloo would have a last minute change of heart and would be coming through the door next. Rainbow could barely tolerate the notion of enduring the funeral while she knew that her relationship with her surrogate sister was in no better condition than that between herself and her father... Another unknowable stretch of time moved forward as Rainbow kept on waiting with only the faintest of hope and expectation of Scootaloo's arrival. Yet when the library door opened again, it revealed a thoroughly dressed and flower-maned Fluttershy accompanied by no one, especially not Scootaloo... “The balloons are waiting for us. We’re all set to go,” she said to the entire room, stepping through the doorway to show off her teal mourning dress and the multicolored carnations in her mane. “Unless…there's anypony else coming?” Every eye in the room looked to Rainbow Dash for confirmation that Scootaloo would indeed not be joining them. She averted her eyes away from their intrusive glances, thinking only about how much she desired to crawl back underneath her covers and stay there for the remainder of the day….and probably for several more subsequent days as well. “She’s not coming,” Rainbow affirmed silently, almost as though she were speaking to herself. “Let’s just go.” There was barely a word of response as they all exited Twilight’s library and began a slow trot over to the hot air balloon rental station a few blocks away. Rainbow Dash kept her head down as she walked, hoping that their formal attire and flower-decorated manes would not draw the attention of the Ponyville residents out on their daily business. To her relief, the ponies who crossed their path paid them little mind, but any hope she may have had of Scootaloo rushing up to join them was quickly extinguished as they passed by her silent house. Once at the station, Rainbow Dash entered the first balloon she saw and was joined by Applejack, Apple Bloom, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy while everyone else entered a second balloon. Pressed up against the basket’s edge, Rainbow could not stop herself from looking over the side as they ascended, only to have all remaining hopes crushed again to see that Scootaloo was not hurrying over the them, desperate not to miss her only ride to Cloudsdale. She was simply nowhere in sight…. **** The ascent to Cloudsdale was cold, windy, and lacking in conversation. Much like Ponyville, the great sky city was also bustling with morning activity. As the two balloons both came to a halt upon the surface of the docking cloud, the eight ponies and dragon emerged from their baskets. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both exchanged uneasy glances about walking upon the airy cloud surface, but they were quickly relieved to not find themselves falling through as they took their first steps. “So where are we headin’?” questioned Applejack. “The cemetery is this way,” Rainbow replied, motioning to the west. “There are small open spaces between the plots where Cloudsdale funerals are normally held.” With their destination in mind, the company strode silently in the direction of the cemetery. The Cloudsdale pegasi paid them almost just as little mind as the Ponyville residents had, but they did get a more than a few raised eyebrows after Rarity let out a frightened squeal, having nearly walked off the cloud’s edge due to her distraction with a portable mirror as she checked her mane thoroughly to ensure that none of her orchids had blown away during their windy ascent. When they neared the cemetery gate, Rainbow Dash nearly froze to see Grimmtock standing directly outside. In the week since he had informed her about her father’s death and subsequently given her the letter, she had since come to associate him as a harbinger of unpleasantness. “Ah, Rainbow Dash,” he said, quickly noticing her amongst the group. “Head over to the space between the east quadrant plot. The rest of your party is waiting for you.” Rainbow bit her lip. She knew east quadrant plot was where her mother’s headstone was located, and now it would surely be where her father's stone would be located as well... Grimmtock promptly opened the gate for them to enter, and they each did so without giving him much acknowledgement. When they arrived at the gap between the plots in the east quadrant, Rainbow Dash was nearly taken aback by what she saw. Three small rows containing ten seats each and a front row containing only two were positioned in a straight line, filled with more ponies than Rainbow had expected to see in attendance. Wind Lily was seated in the row second from the back, just beside six fully-uniformed Wonderbolts which included Spitfire, Soarin, Blaze, and Fleetfoot. Raindrops and Meadow Flower were sitting in the row just ahead of them, situated to the far right side as though under the impression that all of the seats to their left were reserved. But the presence of Princesses Celestia and Luna was the biggest surprise of all, both of whom were sitting silently in the back row as though attempting to blend in as ordinary, unimportant guests. The front row was unoccupied. Centered just in front of the seats was a podium, and behind it was an altar whereupon lay a cloud-like casket complete with a hoof-stitched pall, which immediately set Rainbow’s nerves ablaze the second she caught sight of it. Seated to the left and right sides of the altar were four pallbearers, none of which she knew. All idle chatter between the attendees was extinguished almost as soon as Rainbow Dash’s arrival was made apparent. As Rainbow’s friends dispersed to find their seats, Celestia and Luna immediately started towards her, becoming the first in a queue of ponies who were rushing up from their seats to do the same. Neither of the two princesses carried any flowers in their endlessly flowing manes, which Rainbow assumed was due to the probable difficulty of getting their manes to remain in place long enough to weave flowers into. “You have our deepest condolences, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia said in her usual graceful tone. “And we want you to know that we have covered any and all funeral expenses for you.” Rainbow almost raised a confused eyebrow. Funeral expenses was not something that had even crossed her mind before now. “Uhh, thank you for coming,” Rainbow replied, and then, to her own surprise, she chuckled. “I can only wonder what my dad would think if he knew that the princesses of Equestria were attending his funeral. He never really thought himself as anypony important.” The two princesses managed a chuckle as well, poorly hiding the subtle discomfiture they felt towards the remark. “Um, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you know he had died?” asked Rainbow. “We keep informed about our subjects, Rainbow Dash,” answered Luna. “We are informed about every birth as well as every death.” “Oh, well, I….didn’t know that,” Rainbow replied, not wanting to think about how daunting a task it would be to keep track of all life in Equestria. “Anyway, thank you again for being here.” The two princesses offered her a respectful nod before returning to their seats, allowing for the next two ponies in the queue, Raindrops and Meadow Flower, to approach her next. Raindrops’ mane was covered in pink-and-red petunias, while Meadow Flower remained true to her name by sporting white-and-yellow daisies, picked from a nearby meadow earlier that morning. “I hope you’re not angry at us,” Meadow Flower said apprehensively. “We had to pry into your business a bit to learn about your father’s funeral today.” Rainbow shook her head, curling her mouth into a tiny smile to appease Meadow’s concern. “No worries. I really appreciate you guys for coming.” Raindrops cast her eyes down for a brief moment, then looked back up at Rainbow tentatively. “Rainbow Dash, I….I’m really sorry I was such a jerk to you yesterday. I was just worried that you would end up outshining us in our debut, and so it led me to lashed out at you. You really didn’t deserve that.” “It’s all right,” Rainbow said, still maintaining her smile. “No hard feelings, Raindrops. We’re cool.” Rainbow Dash held a hoof out towards her, and Raindrops promptly bumped her own hoof against it. “I look forward to flying with you as a fellow Reserve,” she said with a grin. “So do I,” Rainbow replied, nodding. Raindrops and Meadow then returned to their seats, revealing Wind Lily to be the next pony in line, her mane moderately scattered with multi-colored lilies. “Well, this is quite the unexpected turnout,” she said with surprise. “I certainly hadn’t anticipated to meet the Princesses today, nor was I expecting the Wonderbolts to be here. You’re definitely more popular than I thought.” “I guess so,” Rainbow Dash replied as her smile finally faded. “How are you feeling?” Wind Lily asked, noticing the change in her expression. “I....read his letter,” Rainbow said, shifting her mouth uncomfortably. “Oh, I see,” Wind Lily replied. “And…?” “Did he ever tell you that he once wanted to become a Wonderbolt?” asked Rainbow. Wind Lily’s eyebrows shot up, which was more than enough of a response to give Rainbow Dash the answer she was looking for. “No, he didn’t. That actually comes as quite a surprise.” “I know,” Rainbow replied, nodding. “But now that I think about it, it just explains so much: why he was always so bitter about life, why he took every chance he could to shoot my dreams down…” “I’m sorry,” Wind Lily replied, tenderly touching her shoulder. “I wish he would have told me,” Rainbow Dash lamented, expelling a sigh. “I don’t know if it would have changed anything or not, but...I don’t know, maybe I would have felt differently...” “Maybe, but it’s no fault of yours,” Wind Lily replied comfortingly. “It was his choice not to tell you. You shouldn't feel any guilt over that decision.” Despite her response, Rainbow Dash groaned with frustration. “The last thing I really needed right now was another reason for me to regret never seeing him again...” “I just said that it’s no fault of yours,” Wind Lily repeated. “Your father should have told you about it, and I don’t think that envy was any good reason for him to put your dreams down. I can only hope that he offered you an apology in the letter?” “He did,” Rainbow said with a slow nod. “Well, at least he did that much. In any case, it's not something you should feel any guilt over. You certainly weren't wrong to pursue your dreams,” Wind Lily replied. Rainbow Dash refused to continue the discussion further, opting not to allow her numerous regrets to overwhelm her before she was staring face-to-face at her father’s body again, or watching it float up to the atmosphere above. “Hey, umm, I never told you this before, but…” “Yes?” Wind Lily said, her head tilting slightly to the side. “Thank you for being there for him. Thank you for being the friend that he needed. There were times when I would imagine him all alone in that house and feel really guilty about it, at least until I remembered the reason why I moved out. I’m glad that I won’t have to imagine that anymore. I’m glad that he...didn’t die in loneliness,” Rainbow said with a solitary teardrop putting the period on her final sentence. Wind Lily smiled, her own eyes beginning to moisten over. “You’re very welcome, Rainbow Dash.” They shared an affectionate hug, then like the others before her, Wind Lily returned to her seat while the six Wonderbolts in attendance simultaneously approached Rainbow next. Each of them bore only a single Birds of Passion flower, weaved near the top of their manes that projected out from beneath their cowls. “I have to admit, when Spitfire told me that she wanted to attend, I didn’t think all of you would be coming, too,” Rainbow said, trying to force a chuckle which failed to emerge as anything more than a huffed breath. “We wanted to be here for you, Rainbow Dash,” said Soarin. “You are one of us, now,” said Fleetfoot. Rainbow nodded with satisfaction at their words. “Thanks.” With either a sorrowful comment, or a physical touch on her shoulder, each of the Wonderbolts gave Rainbow Dash some form of acknowledgement before moving back to their seats in the third row. “Um, Spitfire…?” Rainbow called out nervously as the Wonderbolt captain was returning to her seat. “What do you need?” Spitfire asked after turning back around. “There’s, uh, something I want to—hey! What are you—?!” One of the pallbearers had suddenly appeared beside Rainbow Dash, wordlessly took her by the hoof, and led her almost forcefully to one of the two seats in the front row, just in front of her friends, who now occupied the eight seats beside Raindrops and Meadow Flower. Spitfire simply shrugged casually and sat herself back down, apparently deciding that whatever Rainbow had to say could wait until the funeral was over. Standing at the podium was a stout pegasus stallion, dressed in an entirely dark suit and looking even more grim than Grimmtock himself. Rainbow Dash quickly realized that he was the funeral host, whom she had chosen back when she was lackadaisically planning the funeral, knowing absolutely nothing about him other than that he was highly recommended. “If we’re all present and accounted for, I think it’s time for us to get started,” he said in a dry voice once the pallbearer had returned to his seat beside the casket. Rainbow felt apprehensive about sitting in the front row. She could already feel the eyes of each and every pony behind her as they observed her every move, and from the front, the funeral host and the pallbearers also seemed to keep her directly within their line of sight. She wondered who the second seat was intended for, and its emptiness only served to remind her of Scootaloo’s absence. “We’ve gathered here today to celebrate the life of Rainbow Blaze, tragically taken from us sooner than we could have expected,” said the host. “Forty-four years of age, son of the now-passed Sky Wonder and Rainbow Drop, husband to now-passed Sunstreak Shine, and father to Rainbow Dash. Let us now take a moment of silence for the deceased.” Everyone immediately fell silent, with every head bowing respectfully. In the silence, Rainbow Dash's uncomfortable feelings about being so close to her father’s lifeless body were greatly intensified, and they were worsened still after a faint sobbing had broken out from behind her—Rarity had already begun to descend into tears. When the silence had persisted for over a minute, the host began to speak again, this time appearing to recite something from a sheet of paper in front of him: “‘We have been given the freedom to roam the air We have been given the freedom to shift the clouds We have been given the freedom to control rain and snow But on a day like today, our freedom is at last relinquished And so must we return to the sky that gave it to us To rest forever in the legacy of those who passed before And to sadly leave those we hold dear behind until such another day arrives But when we finally return to that unknowable place We know we will feel no more pain We know we will feel no more sorrow And we know we will not go unforgotten The madness of life shall not reach us there Nor shall the burdens of mortality And our souls shall instead remain at peace and harmony For as long as time turns years into ages and ages into eons.’” The moment he stopped reading, every head rose up almost simultaneously, now exhibiting faces which were significantly more dour than they had been before. “Thank you,” said the host. “At this time, we will have our eulogies. Should anypony wish to say some words, feel free to do so. You are welcome to speak for as long as you require.” Most of the attendees suddenly appeared hesitant, knowing that they would be unable to give any eulogy that would not simply consist of the usual condolence speech. Rainbow Dash turned to look at Fluttershy, but the nervous pony was shifting about anxiously, hoping that just about anyone else would step up to speak first. Much to her relief, Wind Lily rose from her seat and floated over to the podium while the host stepped aside. She exhaled a few deep breaths before speaking, preparing both herself and the attendees for a eulogy heavy with emotion for the deceased that almost none of them possessed. “When Rainbow Blaze was admitted to the hospital, both of us thought that whatever he had was just a passing thing. I had suggested that perhaps he simply needed some stronger allergy medication or some flu medication. There was almost no reason for us to expect that there was anything life-threatening about his illness. After he was checked in, I left the hospital, believing that he would be ready to be discharged by the time I saw him again...” She paused to catch her falling tears as they escaped from her ducts. “It really does take something like that to remind you how fragile life is, and how quickly and unexpectedly it could end. Each and every time we part ways with our friends and family, we never tend to think that we may have just seen them for the last time. We all know that there will come a day when we will have to say goodbye forever to those we love, but none of us expect that moment to be right around the corner. I certainly didn’t….” She paused again for the same reason as before, struggling to keep herself from breaking down the longer she kept speaking. “Rainbow Blaze was a troubled pony. His life wasn’t exactly what you’d call a happy one. He had a defeatist way of thinking, and that’s something he never truly managed to moved past permanently. But over the last few years, he was an irreplaceable friend to me. He was somepony I could rely on, and he was somepony who relied on me to get him through his hard days. I will miss Rainbow Blaze, and I will look back upon the last few years we spent together with fondness and love.” With that, Wind Lily stepped off the podium as her tears became too numerous to wipe away, returning to her seat within the small crowd of mourners, each of whom appeared slightly more saddened after listening to her short speech. “Would anypony else like to say any words?” the host asked after returning to the podium, and once again found himself staring at hesitant faces within the silent crowd. After realizing that no one else was going to step forward, Fluttershy finally rose to her hooves with a significant deal of reluctance and made her way towards the podium. Rainbow Dash cast her a comforting look as she passed by, but Fluttershy returned her a look pure terror, such as the kind she always bore whenever she desired nothing more than to either hide herself or fly away...or both. “Umm, good morning,” Fluttershy began nervously after she reached the podium. “Well, umm, I mean...it’s not a good morning, but I was just….I just thought...” Fluttershy appeared to grow more nervous with every word that sputtered from her mouth, and Rainbow Dash was almost certain that she was just moments away from removing herself from the podium and sitting back down, pretending as though she had never even stood up at all. But Fluttershy instead allowed herself a pause to ease her tension, fighting her hardest against each and every instinct that begged her to fly off and hide underneath the nearest bed. “I only met Rainbow Blaze a few times when I was younger,” she began with only little nervousness in her voice. “I wish I could say that I knew him better. I wish I could say that we had been on good terms. And I wish I could say that his loss has affected me more than it has.” Fluttershy took another few more focused breaths before speaking again, surprised that she was able to fend off her fear as well as she was. “He wasn’t unkind to me, but as I recall from our few interactions, I’m not really sure he approved of me much. I had always assumed that was because he knew that Rainbow Dash had been suspended from Summer Flight Camp for choosing to defend me. Even today, most of what I really know about him is what Rainbow Dash has told me. But I would have really liked to know him better. Because back when I was a filly, I wanted to know exactly who the the kind of father was that had raised not only the best flyer I had ever seen, but also one of the most compassionate ponies I had ever met. I wanted to know exactly who had raised the pony who had every reason to mock and ridicule a weak flyer like I was, but chose to defend me instead, even if it came at the cost of her own popularity. I wanted to know who it was I owed my gratitude to for bringing into this world the pony who helped me receive my cutie mark and who has been such a needed friend for me ever since. And if Rainbow Dash’s character can give any notion of the kind of pony Rainbow Blaze was, if her values and her morals are ones that she inherited from him, then his loss is truly a tragedy for all of us.” She took another brief pause, and the audience of attendees nodded their heads and muttered with approval. Rainbow Dash coerced a smiled to her lips as Fluttershy’s eyes met hers, displaying both subtle embarrassment and appreciation at her remarks. Meanwhile, Rarity’s light sobbing had gradually spread to the rest of her friends, as well as a few other mourners, including Meadow Flower and Soarin. “This is a hard day,” Fluttershy continued. “It’s a day when we’re sometimes torn up by regret, wishing that things had turned out differently, or wishing that we had done just a little more—made that much more of an effort. It's a day where we may blame ourselves for things that are out of our control, even going as far as to wish that we could turn the clock back just to have that one last chance to try again. But it never helps to feel that way, and it certainly doesn’t help our lost loved ones when they look us and see how much we’re suffering. In life, there is only one direction all of us can truly move, and that’s forward. No matter how difficult it can be to move on, it’s something that we must find the courage and the willpower to do. One day, be it a month or even a year, the pain and regret will end, either because we make room for it, or because we learn to move past it. One day, we will be able to smile again and continue enjoying life. We’ll never forget those we’ve lost, but we will bring them peace to know that we’ve managed to find a way to move forward. And nothing would bring them greater comfort than to know that.” At last, Fluttershy stepped away from the podium, looking particularly accomplished with herself at having made it through her eulogy without permitting her nervousness to get the better of her. As before, the attendees showed their approval for her speech, with most even praising it with a few well-earned hoof-claps. “Is there anypony else who would care to say a few words?” asked the host, now looking directly at Rainbow Dash as though he expected her to give a follow-up eulogy. But Rainbow lowered her head to avoid looking back at him. There was nothing she could even think of saying, and she certainly did not believe that she could make it through a full eulogy without breaking down after only a few words. The host waited for nearly a minute before it became clear that no one else was going to come up to speak. “If there are no more remarks, then it is time for the final viewing,” the host said. “If all of you will, please remove one flower from your mane to place upon the casket.” The mourners rose to their hooves simultaneously and formed a line at the right side of the rows, pulling one flower out of each of their manes as instructed. The six pallbearers also stood up, and one of them neatly folded half the pall back from the front of the casket, then opened it meticulously, exposing the lifeless body of Rainbow Blaze inside. Without any flowers to give, Celestia and Luna remained sitting respectfully, while Twilight removed two of the peonies from her mane to give one to Spike. With the casket open, Rainbow Dash felt all the strength in her body being sapped away, and she nearly collapsed to the ground as she felt her eyes becoming wet again. Her father was indeed lying there, resting motionlessly, his flesh lifeless and necrotic. His eyes were closed and all color had vanished from his body, as well as the rainbow mane she had inherited from him. All eyes fell upon Rainbow Dash to approach the casket first, but she lacked any strength or motivation to take a step, or to even lift herself with her wings. She knew that she was headed for the last face-to-face reunion that they would ever have—the last time she would ever see her father in the flesh. The very notion was enough to make her feel lightheaded and prone to passing out right where she stood. Before Rainbow could express any refusal to approach the body, a soft and comforting hoof clutched hers, attempting to urge her towards the casket. Through her tears, Rainbow could see an identifiable filly standing beside her, and when she wiped her eyes dry, she found herself staring face-to-face at Scootaloo, dressed in dark green with only two small sunflowers in her mane, which appeared to have been hastily inserted. Was this real, or was her mind, still overloaded with grief and regret, tricking her in the cruelest way she could imagine? Scootaloo’s touch seemed far too authentic to be something her mind was capable of conjuring up, but her sudden and unexpected appearance also seemed too improbable to believe, particularly since no one else seemed to be acknowledging her. Surely Scootaloo had to be back at home right now, doing whatever she could to distract herself from the fact that she was deliberately missing the funeral. After Rainbow’s failure to reconcile with her yesterday, how could she possibly be here now? Rainbow Dash was thrust out of a daze as Scootaloo suddenly tugged on her foreleg, still trying to get her to move towards the casket. Rainbow finally shuffled her hooves to her father’s body with all the coordination of a pony who had taken one too many licks of salt, still unconvinced of whether or not her once-surrogate sister was truly standing by her side. Her eyes were refreshed with another onslaught of tears as she stopped to take her final look at him, his stiff, motionless, and colorless body being almost unbearable for her to witness. She forcefully pulled one of the Birds of Passion from her mane and set it upon the casket, then peered regretfully at his close eyelids as though she could see his eyes from underneath. Nothing she could tell him now would ever be heard. No attempt to take anything back or apologize would be ever be acknowledged. How was it that he could be so close, and yet so impossibly far away? Rainbow Dash felt her cheeks going wet, which was promptly followed by her mind falling entirely blank, leaving her unable to think of any final words to say in their final reunion. The memory of the last time she looked upon his face before leaving home for Ponyville flashed through her thoughts repeatedly. There was nothing she would not have given to return herself to that time and rush back inside the house to repair their relationship before it would be left broken forever.... “I’m sorry...” she whispered to her father with the desperate hope that he could somehow hear it. With no further words left to offer him, Rainbow Dash’s grief burst open within her heart, and she descended into a fit of silent sobs so intensely that she barely felt her hoofsteps as Scootaloo led her away from the body. By the time her vision cleared and her mind snapped back to focus, she found herself sitting back in her seat while the rest of the attendees proceeded to pay their respects, leaving their flowers upon the casket as they passed. Scootaloo was sitting in the previously unoccupied seat next to her, looking forward at the mourners and trying not to pay Rainbow any mind. “Um...hey,” Rainbow said, drying her eyes. “Hey,” Scootaloo replied, still without looking at her. “I...uh...I thought you weren’t coming?” she said, now convinced that she was not talking to an imaginary figure. Scootaloo turned her head slowly, staring back at her with disingenuous eyes. “Don’t read into it too much,” she said harshly. “I still haven’t forgiven you.” “So why did you come, then?” “Because I figured that if I ever do forgive you, I’ll probably end up regretting not being here today,” answered Scootaloo. “I figured I might as well spare myself that.” Rainbow Dash felt only indifference towards her response. “So...does that mean you believe that you’ll forgive me one day?” Scootaloo neglected the question and shifted her eyes back towards the mourners as they examined the body within the casket, placed their flowers, and then returned to their seat. “I need to know what you meant when you said I ‘own’ you,” Rainbow said before a long silence could persist between them. “What does that mean?” “You see me sitting here, don’t you?” Scootaloo answered with a huff. “That’s what it means.” Rainbow said nothing, but Scootaloo immediately sensed her confusion and heaved a sigh, realizing that she was indeed going to have to explain what she felt should have been obvious. “I just helped you over to your dad,” she said, looking at Rainbow sternly. “I did that even though I’m still angry at you. And that’s exactly the point. I’m still so desperate to cling onto you as the pony I’ve admired for so long, and because of that, I feel like I may never reach a point where I can ever truly be angry at you. Don’t you see that’s the kind of hold you have over me?” Rainbow Dash again offered no reply as Scootaloo’s words left her with the sensation that she had been kicked in the teeth. “It can’t be that way,” said Scootaloo. “I have to know that I can be upset with you without knowing that I’ll just come running back whenever you need me to. And I can’t have you thinking that I’ll always forgive you right on the spot just because you want me to. Otherwise, what’s to stop something like this from happening again?” Rainbow's face went blank as she studied Scootaloo's words. “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way. But if that’s really how you feel, then you shouldn’t have come.” “I only came because you’re only going to lose your dad once in your life,” replied Scootaloo. “I’m not here because you asked me to be here or because you want me to be here.” “Well, why did you take me over to him?” questioned Rainbow. “I didn’t ask you to do that.” Scootaloo pursed her lips. “No, you’re right, you didn’t. And maybe I shouldn’t have, but it was just something I did in the moment.” “Well, are you still going to hold that against me?” asked Rainbow. “Is that another example of my...‘hold’ over you?” “No,” Scootaloo answered at once. “Look, it’s not like I don’t care about you anymore. I thought you were in need of help, and so I helped you. That’s all it was.” Rainbow sighed, willing to take any measures necessary to diffuse the tension between them. “What do I have to do? Could you please just tell me what I have to do for us to get back to the way we were?” “Give me time,” answered Scootaloo. “I need time to forgive you. You still just don’t understand. Before this week, I didn’t think there was anything I wouldn’t have done for you. And now I just feel like you exploited that. I feel like you took our relationship for granted. It’s all just really hard for me to sort through right now, and I just need more time to do it.” Rainbow Dash hung her head and nodded slowly. “I’m really sorry, Scootaloo.” Scootaloo did not reply. One after another, Rainbow’s friends gradually returned to their seats in the second row, each refusing to acknowledge Scootaloo’s sudden presence to allow them a chance to speak. “By the way, umm, how did you get here?” Rainbow asked. “I begged somepony for a helicopter ride,” Scootaloo answered, then heaved a sigh. “I wish I hadn’t missed you guys. It’s still more than a little embarrassing as a pegasus to still need a ride up here.” “We didn’t think you were coming,” said Rainbow Dash. “I mean, you did tell me you weren’t...” “I know,” replied Scootaloo. “The point is, I changed my mind.” “By the way, Scoot, I’m really sorry about your mom. I understand now why you were always so reluctant to talk about your family. I wish I had—” “Thanks,” Scootaloo said almost emotionlessly. “But I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Rainbow Dash nodded in understanding, and they spoke no more as they watched Soarin and Fleetfoot, the last of the mourners to view the body, place their Birds of Passion atop the casket and sit back down. At that time, one of the pallbearers slowly closed the casket and neatly folded the pall back over it, taking extra care not to cause any of the flowers to fall. Rainbow’s stomach churned the moment the casket was closed and her father vanished beneath the cloud. Their final reunion had thus come to a permanent end. She would now be forced to say goodbye forever to the last of the family she had, the foolish dream she had clung onto for so long, and every single remaining moment in her life that would go unshared between them... “We’ve gone now as far as we can go,” the host said once he returned to the podium. “But before we send our dearly departed friend to his final resting place, he made a request that I believe should be honored. He requested that a certain song to be sung by his daughter Rainbow Dash as he is lifted to the sky above. He ensured that she will know exactly which song he is referring to, ” Rainbow immediately felt as though her bones had frozen over before being mercilessly shattered with the strike of a sledgehammer. In her state of grief, so excruciating that she could have believed her world was coming to a gradual end, how could she possibly be expected to stand up in front of so many ponies and sing her mother’s song, which up until now had been so private and personal to her? “Will you?” the funeral host asked, casting her a serious look. Feeling that she lacked any choice, Rainbow Dash stood up and floated over to the podium while each of the pallbearers lifted up the cloud-casket from the altar, releasing it from the invisible barrier of magic which kept it from floating away prematurely. They carefully moved it just in front of the rows of seats, where everyone present could see it clearly, then stood by, patiently waiting for Rainbow Dash to begin singing. Rainbow shuddered with anxiety, wishing that her father had not put her on the spot like this. Had he truly expected that she’d be so unaffected by his death that she’d be willing to sing without any risk of breaking down? She looked over at each of her friends for encouragement, all of whom returned approving nods and smiles. But Scootaloo simply stared at her blankly, no longer willing to offer her anything more than her continued presence. With a series of long, steady, and focused breaths, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes in an attempt to forget where she was and what was going on around her before she began to sing as clearly as she could. “So many clouds scattered across the sky. The softest pillows lying way up high. Twisted and formed to the whims of a dream. Like fortresses of the heavens, or castles of ice cream…” Finally, the pallbearers released the cloud-casket simultaneously. Slowly, with pall and flowers intact, it began to rise further up into the sky, and every head in the audience raised to watch it ascend. Rainbow’s eyes remained closed, keeping her mind focused on the lyrics of the song while she imagined herself sitting back under her mother’s favorite tree, where she had heard it for the first time, with her father looking at her with tender affection as she sang him to his final rest. The audience of mourners sat silent and still as they continued to watch the casket float up into the blue atmosphere until it disappeared from all sight. “...This dark day brings so much pain, and I’ll be singing in the rain. Because today they cry.” With the song ended, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes in slow motion, feeling numb to the loud hoof-claps the mourners bestowed upon her. As she expected, the casket was no longer anywhere in sight, and even when she looked up, she saw not even the slightest trace of it in the atmosphere above. It was over. Wherever her father was now, it was a place she could no longer reach... “Thank you,” the host said as he returned to the podium. “I’m sure he really would have appreciated that.” Rainbow Dash did not respond as she went to sit herself back down, an additional sting of sorrow piercing her directly in the heart over the fact that she had not witnessed her father’s final departure. “We pray that somewhere up there, Rainbow Blaze will find the peace he has earned,” said the host. “We wish him a gentle rest now and forevermore. Until we meet again.” The host gave final bow of respect, which the crowd mimicked simultaneously. “Thank you all for coming today,” he said as his head raised back up, officially drawing the funeral to a close. In a flurry of motion, most of the mourners formed another line towards Rainbow Dash to offer a hug or a final word of comfort before taking their leave while Scootaloo slipped away, believing that she had fulfilled whatever obligation had driven her to attend. Rainbow waited as patiently as she could to meet face-to-face with Spitfire again, which only happened after she had bid farewell to Princesses Celestia and Luna. “You wanted to speak with me?” Spitfire said as she approached her. Rainbow Dash breathed in deeply. “I know that I’m not supposed to, but I wanted to ask if you’ll let me wear my Wonderbolt uniform later on when I come back here. There’s something I really have to do for my dad, and I’d like to wear it while I do it. It's kinda important to me.” Spitfire stared at Rainbow with indubitable skepticism, yet still showed little indication that she was willing to deny her. “Well, that isn’t something I would normally allow, especially without knowing the details,” she said sternly. “However, for this particular occasion, I will allow it. Just so long as I have your word that you won’t wear it for anything other than this one purpose only.” “You do,” Rainbow replied with sincerity. “I mean, I won’t.” Spitfire nodded to exhibit her trust in Rainbow’s words, and the two parted ways after a fond farewell. Rainbow Dash stared up into the sky a final time, briefly wondering whether or not her father had already managed to find her mother... **** Exhausted and beyond ready for a break, Rainbow Dash meticulously set down the heavy box she was struggling to hold after forcing it through the doorway of her father’s old bedroom, wiping traces of sweat from her forehead as soon as her hooves were free again. Following the funeral's closure, she had introduced her friends to Wind Lily, and they had all spent the last several hours assisting her former caretaker with her move after learning that she was unable to afford movers. While it was tedious and tiresome work, it granted Rainbow Dash a surprisingly potent distraction from her grief, as well as from the prospect of seeing her father’s headstone for the very first time when she later returned to the cemetery wearing her Wonderbolt garb. “I can’t thank you all enough for all your help,” Wind Lily said once the final box had been brought over, and Rainbow had returned to the almost overcrowded living room. “I don’t even want to think about how strenuous it would have been for me to carry all of those boxes over myself, one-by-one.” “Think nothin’ of it, ma’am,” replied Applejack, bucking the box from her back. “We’re happy to help.” “I'm not really sure why you’d want to live here,” noted Spike. “I mean, won’t this house bring back a lot of upsetting memories for you?” “Yes, it probably will,” Lily answered with a nod. “But honestly, I think just about anywhere is better than the place I’ve been living for I don’t even know how many years now. I think I’m well overdue for a change, even if it’s only a marginal one.” “If you don’t mind me saying, Miss Lily, this home could do with a bit more flourish,” said Rarity, staring with disapproval at the dusty drapes hanging over the kitchen window. “Fortunately, modifying fixer-uppers such as this happens to be included within my area of expertise. Should you wish to employ my services as an interior decorator, I’d be happy to lend them to you, free of charge.” Wind Lily chuckled. “Why, thank you, umm...Rarity, was it? I’ll keep that in mind.” Pinkie Pie suddenly inhaled a deep gasp, which instantly granted her all of the attention in the room. “Wait, wait, wait! So you were Rainbow Dash’s caretaker, right?! That must mean that you have a ton of really embarrassing stories of Rainbow Dash when she was a foal that she would never want any of us to hear, and since we’ve never heard any of these embarrassing stories before since Rainbow Dash would never tell them to us herself because she’d never want us to hear them, we could hear some of these stories from you right now, right?....now?!” Wind Lily blinked at Pinkie’s rapid manner of speech. “Well...I suppose so. That is…” Wind Lily looked to Rainbow Dash, who responded only with a casual shrug, still not harboring enough care for her reputation to be concerned about any potentially damaging stories Wind Lily may have had on her. “Alright, well, I do have one that’s kinda funny,” Wind Lily said with a chuckle. “One day, I was trying to get Rainbow Dash to eat mashed carrots, only to end up learning the hard way that mashed carrots was probably her least favorite food in the world. As soon as I fed her a spoonful—” Uninterested in the story, Rainbow Dash stepped outside the house and took a seat by the front door, but she barely had any time to think to herself before Applejack also stepped outside and took a seat beside her. “Are you ready yet?” she asked. Rainbow shook her head. “It’d really be nice if I knew for sure that he could hear me. I mean, he used to be so convinced that mom could hear him, but I never believed it. And besides, it’s not like he’s actually resting there...” “Don’t let that distract you,” encouraged Applejack. “If you just start talkin’, you’ll feel him there with you. It’s not an easy feelin' to describe, but you’ll know it when you feel it.” Rainbow said nothing, her mind occupied with the image of her parents reunited in the atmosphere, sharing a heartfelt reunion that she would have absolutely loved to join... “You have a lot to say to him, don’t you?” asked Applejack. “Yeah,” Rainbow said with a nod. “A lot.” “Well, he’s waitin’ on you right now,” said Applejack. “And forgive me for bein’ blunt, but I don’t see any reason why you should keep him waitin’ any longer.” Rainbow sighed. “I guess you’re right...” Applejack nodded with approval. “This is all part of movin’ forward, Rainbow. It’s part of acceptin’ that even though he may not be here anymore, he still hasn’t left you behind. You only got some practice the other day, but this here is the real thing. You can do it.” Rainbow Dash nodded with insincere agreement before standing up again and heading home to retrieve her Wonderbolt uniform, finally ready to do what she had been waiting to do for more than five years... **** It was nearly evening by the time Rainbow Dash returned to the eastern plot, covered from head to hoof in her Wonderbolt garb. With the Birds of Passion removed from her mane, a gentle late afternoon breeze permitted it to flow without interruption. As before, the uniform felt like sheer bliss covering her skin and was almost enough to put her in a relatively happy mood, or at least a somewhat decent one. Locking in on the east quadrant plot, Rainbow Dash lowered herself to the cloud-based ground and began a slow tread towards the location of her mother’s headstone. When she reached it, she was not surprised to see that it had since been replaced by a larger and wider headstone, with her father’s name inscribed next to her mother's. She recalled being asked whether she wanted their stones to be separate or shared, only to lethargically brush the question off. She was grateful that they were sharing a headstone, as she was almost certain that was what both of them would have wanted. Rainbow was admittedly grateful that the entire plot was empty, not because she would have been embarrassed to be seen speaking to a stone, but because she would preferred to have privacy for her talk with her father. She cleared her throat as she focused on her father's side of the stone, preparing to speak with it just as she had watched him do for so many years while she simply stared on, only saying a single word or two whenever prompted. “Well, here I am,” she said somewhat loudly. “Let’s just pretend for a minute that I’m standing on your front doorstep, and you’ve just opened the door. I'm trying to imagine what your face would look like. I’ll bet you didn't expect to see me wearing this, did you?” Rainbow was almost surprised to find herself grinning, but it soon faded as she was still unable to feel anything but her mane being brushed by the wind, with no indication that her father could hear a word she was saying. “I read your letter, just so you know,” she continued with a strain of bitterness present in her voice . “I don’t know how you thought you could just throw all of that on me to live with for the rest of my life. I really wish you had told me a long time ago that you had once tried to become a Wonderbolt. And you’re right, just because you envied me doesn’t mean you should have tried so hard to knock me down at every turn.” Rainbow Dash waited before speaking again, still hoping to feel something in the air or the wind that would have told her that her father was listening to her. But the lonely wind offered her nothing more than silence and emptiness, and Rainbow Dash began to feel that this was indeed the meaningless effort she had always perceived it to be. With a sigh, she eventually resumed. “For what it’s worth, I regret never coming back, but I certainly don’t regret leaving. I just...needed to find my own way, and I couldn’t do that with you trying to hold me back. But that was your choice to make, and you can’t be mad at me because I decided to make my own, even if it was wrong of me to never come back and visit you....” Another pause granted her nothing but frustration, and she pursed her lips bitterly. Applejack was wrong. She had to be. This was simply a waste of time... “I can’t even believe I’m doing this right now,” she said. “I don’t feel any different than I did when you would bring me here as a filly. You’re not really here. This is just a stone in a cloud. The real you is gone. Just like mom…” Rainbow Dash's disappointment weighed her wings and legs down, and it was the only thing keeping her standing in place. Yet before it could wear off, a powerful and utterly indescribable sensation swept over her, which almost immediately morphed into the familiar presence of her father, stronger than she had ever felt it before. Her eyes widened with disbelief as her every last doubt faded at once. Finally, she was more than positive that her father was there with her, hearing each and every word that flung from her lips. She remained in momentary silence as she took the time to savor the feeling, which offered her a significantly greater bliss than gulping down cider the previous night. “Thank you, dad,” she whispered, tears collecting within her goggles. “Thank you for being here with me...” The euphoria of the moment was such a contrast to the relentless sorrow and grief that had plagued her all week that it was almost as though she had stepped forward into a brand new life. For the very first time, her life beyond today no longer seemed like a spiral into an endless black hole. It seemed instead like a new beginning—an opportunity to move past this unbelievably tumultuous week and into a brand new one, where she would have the opportunity to move past her pain. Rainbow Dash spent nearly an hour continuing to speak with her father, catching him up on her life for the last five years, as well as everything she had undergone leading up to the funeral. All the while, her father refused to leave her side, and the mental image of him holding her beneath his foreleg was the only fixation of her thoughts. It was no longer any wonder to her why her father insisted on talking to her mother's stone. She hated that she had wasted so many years not doing the same... “I’m going to make you and mom proud of me,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “One of these days, I’ll come back with the news that I’m now a full-fledged Wonderbolt. And sometime after that, I'll come back and tell you that I've been promoted to Captain of the Wonderbolts. I'm going to live the prosperous life you want for me. I promise you.” With a her heart soaring with the warmth of her, Rainbow placed her hoof on the stone and stared at it as intensely as though she were staring directly into her father's eyes. “I love you, too, dad. And I forgive you.” Smiling with satisfaction, Rainbow Dash turned to depart, and the over-encompassing feeling of her father standing beside her soon faded away. Now all that was next was moving forward...