//------------------------------// // Fool's Gold Part One! - The Goat Coins // Story: Twilight the Third // by MagnetBolt //------------------------------// "We did it!" Twilight crowed, as the armored cart full of bits raced down the hill. Gilda smiled even as she struggled to maintain control of the runaway wagon. "There must be millions here!" "Yeah, and with this much momentum we'll be out of town before we can stop!" Gilda swerved around a pedestrian, but the cart full of cabbages next to them wasn't as lucky, shattering into leaves and splinters as the armored vehicle went right through it. The earth pony they'd narrowly missed cried out in anguish, his life's work scattered across the street, figuratively and literally, like a bunch of cabbages in the street. It wasn't very poetic, but it was extremely accurate. "Twilight, stop right there in the name of the law!" Shining Armor yelled, trying to catch up to them on hoof. He was already falling behind, and that only got worse as he stumbled on fallen produce. "You remember the plan, right?" Twilight said. "Maud's waiting for us at the bridge to make there aren't any issues there, then she'll pull the cart all the way to Hollow Shades." "Yeah, yeah, I know," Gilda said. "But trying to steer this thing's like wrestling a minotaur!" She tugged the yoke as hard as she could, narrowly missing an old mare trying to cross the street. They scraped along a wall, knocking a few bricks loose and leaving half of the bank paintjob on the stone. "I'm not worried about the paint job!" Twilight laughed. The armored cart hit a rise in the road fast enough to get some air, coming down hard enough that Twilight felt all of her bones very briefly remind her that they were present and could potentially break at any moment. "Maybe we should slow down!" Gilda offered. "No way!" Twilight retorted, knocking her talon away from the brakes and leaning into her, helping her steer. "We're almost clear!" "Twiiiiliiight!" Shining Armor screamed in frustration, as the juggernaut went over the only bridge out of town, the boards shattering behind it, only escaping falling into the river thanks to speed, momentum, and an incredible amount of luck, leaving the guard stranded on the other side, shaking his hoof in the air. Episode 11 Fool's Gold Part One! - The Goat Coins A few hours later, in Hollow Shades, the only town in Equestria that was almost entirely populated by bat ponies, two ponies and a griffon were counting bits. Their hotel room had gold on every available surface, coins piled on chairs, tables, the beds, and even collecting in the corners of the cramped room like expensive, glittering dust. An armored carriage was concealed in back by a number of cunningly-placed branches and stones, though the effect was rather spoiled by the several-inch-deep ruts it had created in the soft soil. Gold was, after all, rather heavy. "So, we'll split it evenly, put most of it in the usual hiding spots, and live like kings for a few years," Twilight said. "Or at least until Rarity steals your share," Maud noted. Gilda snorted with laughter at the flat delivery. "It's not stealing, we're in love," Twilight retorted. "She loves you even more when you've got bits in your pocket," Gilda said, suppressing another laugh. She put on a fake accent. "Oh darling, is that your coinpurse or are you just happy to see me?" Maud picked up one of the coins and frowned, narrowing her eyes. She brought it close to her mouth and licked it. "Maud, that's disgusting. Who knows where that thing's been?" Twilight stuck out her tongue. "This gold is fake," Maud said, after a long moment of scrutiny. "It looks like gold, but it isn't." "That's impossible. It's not fool's gold or brass," Gilda said. She bit down hard on one of the bits, leaving a mark. "Look. It's too soft to be anything except gold." "It's lead," Maud said. "It's hard to tell, but... it's definitely lead." "That doesn't make any sense," Twilight said. She started scanning it with a few basic spells. "Seems like gold to... me." She frowned, then scanned two bits at once. "What's wrong?" Gilda asked. "It's showing as pure gold." "That seems like the opposite of a problem," Gilda said, rolling her eyes. "Gilda, bits aren't pure gold! They're only 12-carat!" Twilight pulled a few more from the sacks they'd gathered. "Endless Night! She's right. There's something really wrong here." Maud snapped a bit in half, holding the broken edge up so the others could see. "Look." There was only a thin layer of gold that smoothly transitioned to the dull grey of lead. "But it shows up as pure gold on magical scans, and looks like gold, and feels like gold..." Twilight whispered. "Oh no." "Oh no what?" Gilda asked. "I've heard of this before," Twilight said. "Turning lead into gold. The ultimate secret of alchemy." "You can't turn lead into gold," Gilda frowned. "That's impossible. Even I know that." "Then you haven't heard about the legend of the philosopher's stone," Twilight said. "The rumor is that alchemists discovered it centuries ago, a mystical substance that could change worthless lead into gold. I went looking for it once, but Zebrica was a dead end and I wasn't able to get anywhere on my other lead." "Hm. Is that a pun?" Maud asked. "A pun?" "Lead, as in the metal, and lead, as in a clue. They're homographs." "Yeah, but we're talking, Maud. They're not pronounced the same way." Gilda sighed and shook her head. "Don't try to crack jokes. I'm worried you'll hurt yourself trying." "I suppose it only works in text," Maud agreed. Ponies, and many of the dominant species in the world, had been herd animals before they developed language, magic, friendship, and spears. Historians disagreed on which of those had been first and which had been most important to the rise to the top (while being able to talk was critical to a civilization, it was hard to argue with spears, mostly because they got to the point quickly and in a very final way). As herd animals, they tended to cluster in groups, and even now Equestria was less like a spread of civilization and more like points of light tenuously connected by roads. The importance of trade and capitalism was slowly taking hold even over the old herding instincts, though local cultures were still very strong and nopony could mistake, say, Manehattan for Stalliongrad. Outside of Equestria, there were dozens of smaller city-states and countries that rarely had contact with the outside. One of these places was about two days out by boat, an island with high cliffs and higher walls around an ancient city. "Baa Ram Ewe," Twilight said, as their small ship sputtered and putted, the engine having broken down three times already. It had been a fishing boat, and they'd done a lot of that on the way for lack of anything better to entertain themselves with on the trip. Twilight was starting to get very sick of the taste of fish. "It's bigger than I expected," Gilda said, looking up. "What are those spots on the wall? They look like they're moving around." "Goats," Twilight replied. "They can almost walk up walls. Absolutely no fear of heights and incredibly light on their hooves." "That's a volcanic island," Maud said, quietly. "Let me guess," Gilda said, coughing and dropping into a deadpan tone to mock Maud. "'I can tell from the rocks and having seen many igneous rocks in my time. Rocks.'" "That and the plume of steam." "Twilight, you really think this is where the fake bits came from?" Gilda asked. "From what I heard it's pretty old-fashioned." "I've been trying to track down the philosopher's stone for years," Twilight said. "You wouldn't believe all the things I've heard about it. Everything from granting eternal life to turning ponies into alicorns to making geese lay golden eggs." "And turning lead into gold," Gilda added. "Yeah. Naturally I couldn't resist." Twilight smiled. "Either it's really expensive to do and you should just buy the gold to begin with, or it's cheap and you end up devaluing gold. I had to find out which." "So what's the plan?" Maud asked. "Sample the local cuisine, see the sights, have a little fun," Twilight said. "Maybe we'll even find time to do a little breaking and entering." Somewhere relatively close as the crow, geese, or pegasus flies but extremely far away in other, more relevant ways that took the actual difficulty of the journey into account, a young pegasus was reading a book. Briefly. It was snatched from her hooves and examined by a stern-looking older goat, the pony meeping and pressing herself against the ground in fear at the sudden motion. "A romance story?" The goat scoffed. She shook her head and shut the book. "Hardly the kind of thing you should be worried about." "Sorry, Miss Grimm," the pegasus said, quietly, lowering her gaze and hiding behind her long mane. "Do you know why I'm here?" Miss Grimm asked. She didn't give the pony any time to answer. "I'm here because Lord Rust is displeased. And he's displeased because yields are low." She waited for an answer, and when nothing was immediately forthcoming, continued. "I would like to know why, Fluttershy." "I-I'm trying my best, Ma'am," Fluttershy whispered. "But they're so, so tired and they need to rest! No matter how much I-" "I don't want excuses," Grimm cut in. "I want a solution. How are we going to improve the yields?" Fluttershy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, gathering herself. "We need to let them rest," she squeaked. "For at least three months." Grimm glowered at Fluttershy for a few moments. "I suppose that is at least possible. Lord Rust won't be happy about limited production for a few months, but I might be able to convince him." "No production at all," Fluttershy corrected. "They're all so sick... They need to rest, and if they were able to get out into the sunlight and fly around-" "That is completely unreasonable!" Grimm snapped. "Baa Ram Ewe depends on them. Three months without them would have dire consequences! And we can't allow them to fly - the escape risk is too high. You can have four months of half quotas. I don't think I'll be able to convince him of anything more than that." "T-thank you," Fluttershy said, looking down. The book was thrown back at her, bouncing off her head. She didn't react, letting it fall to the floor. "Tell them about the new quotas," Grimm said. "And note that if they aren't able to at least meet that, they might not get fed." "This place is bizarre," Gilda said. She tugged at her dress. Twilight had made her wear a silk thing from Neighpon printed with flowers and the sunrise and stuff. She felt silly. They were riding on a tram built at an angle along the slope of the mountain, watching the tiered city go by outside. "Gardens on every rooftop, and they still all look underfed." "They import a lot of food from Equestria," Twilight said. She was wearing her usual suit, with the hidden pockets stuffed full of the tools of the trade. "Almost the whole island is urban. Despite how many gardens they have, it's not enough to feed the population." "The soil here is good though," Maud noted. She hadn't changed out of her simple outfit. The discussion about making her change had been short and nearly ended in Twilight needing medical attention. "Volcanic soil usually is." "Great, maybe you can take some home with you," Gilda said. "I got a bad feeling about all this." "There aren't a lot of visitors," Twilight said. "And they're terrified of predators. The island was originally founded by refugees after the griffons destroyed their ancestral homeland of Shepland." "So I stick out like a sore talon. Great." Gilda sighed. "We all do," Maud said. "There aren't ponies here either." "It's fine," Twilight said. "Just remember our cover. I'm a rich pony looking to open up a route for trading tea and, it will be implied, possibly somewhat more interesting substances for the discerning consumer." "Drugs, you mean," Gilda grumbled. "I have never known an alchemist who wasn't either on drugs or making them," Twilight said. "If you want to meet the wrong sort of people you've got to have what they want or step on their hooves so they come out to threaten you." "And I'm your bodyguard," Maud said. "Right," Twilight nodded. "You fit the part perfectly. Just remember that most drug mules have bodyguards who are more of the 'shoot first and ask questions later' type." "Look, Twilight," Gilda said. "I've got some concerns about my cover." "It's a really great cover. They'll be too surprised to even question it!" "Yeah, but... it's really not my thing. Maybe I can be the bodyguard and Maud can do my part?" "Gilda," Twilight said, rolling her eyes. "I want you to look at Maud. Do you really think she'd be better suited for it? Besides, we already got you a nice disguise, didn't we?" "I'm sure this dress was expensive and all-" "It wasn't," Maud noted. "-Wait, this is a cheap dress?" "Cost-effective!" Twilight corrected. "Just play along for a little while. Please?" Before Gilda could protest more, the inclined tram stopped, and the doors slid open. A semi-circle of goats and sheep were waiting for them. Most of them had black wool. Twilight stepped out, and a goat stepped forwards. "Dusk Shine, I presume," the goat said. She had the intonation and veiled hatred of a schoolmarm lecturing a poor student. "Guilty as charmed," Twilight winked. "This is my bodyguard, Dirty Hooves," she nodded to Maud. "And my wife, Gilly." She took Gilda's talon in her hoof. "...Your wife," the goat repeated, frowning. "I like exotic women," Twilight winked. The goat rolled her eyes and huffed, her disdain of the supposed relationship clear, and in their eyes Gilda went from a threat that they'd watch closely to a bird of loose virtue whom they studiously would ignore entirely. Twilight, or Dusk Shine, was clearly just a lout and an idiot. Just as planned. "My name is Miss Grimm. I am taking you to Lord Rust. You will have one hour of his time." She turned and started walking. "If we are lucky, it will be considerably less." Lord Rust was, as one might expect, a goat, and while he wasn't particularly intelligent, he was cunning in a sort of predatory way that a herd animal usually wasn't. The title was inherited from his father, who had died of natural causes - though for family members of Lord Rust, natural causes extended to falling on a knife several dozen times. The palace was, as palaces tend to be, high over the city in what could generously be called prime real estate. However, this being a volcanic island, this also meant that the backyard was a steaming crater. Twilight couldn't see the caldera from here, but there was a pervasive smell of rotten eggs from the volcanic gas. She, Gilda, and Maud had been taken to the Palace directly, and Twilight had to admit that she was impressed. She'd been to Canterlot palace a few times, and that was a kind of light, airy construction made of stone solid enough to withstand a siege. The castle in Baa Ram Ewe was more like a plantation house grown overlarge, with lots of open areas and glass walls and a sense that this was more of a resort than a fortress. "I've never heard of you," Lord Rust said. "I don't like doing business with people I've never heard of." "You've never heard of me because you're in the middle of nowhere," Twilight said, not drinking the tea he'd set out for them. It wasn't poisoned, just terrible. It managed the trick of being too weak and too bitter that usually meant the tea leaves had been reused. "Though I admit it's partly my father's fault. He didn't feel a need to expand the family business, nor did my grandfather, so while we have a number of important contracts, my name shows up in paperwork instead of on the lips of customers." "And you're going to tell me that you're different and you want to find new markets," Lord Rust said, watching Twilight. His body language and expression said he was bored already, but his eyes had a dangerous fire in them. It made Twilight nervous. People with that expression could order dessert and murder with the same ease. Murder might even be easier, since it was lower in calories. "New markets, new products, new ideas," Twilight nodded. "Tea is a pretty hardy little tree, but this isn't an ideal climate. Equestria alone consumes almost four pounds per capita per year, making it the largest market in the world." "If you've already got a piece of that, why do you care about expanding here?" Rust watched Twilight closely. "Even a large share of this market would be nothing compared to a fraction of that." "Because I've got a very small piece, and the margins on our sales aren't large either. We mostly sell leaves to the ready-made tea industry. Bottled and prepackaged stuff for ponies to drink on the go. Since we're not selling directly to consumers, we get profit on volume instead of individual sales." "I see," Lord Rust said, contemplating his cup of tea. "I feel like there could be a better market here for high-quality small-batch tea." "We are not generally a tea-drinking people," Lord Rust said. He didn't really need to say that. The poor quality of what they'd been served had made the point for him. "Things can change," Twilight said. "And if there are other diversions, well, we can make a profit there too. I have ships that import from Zebrica, Saddle Arabia, and places further away. The locals sometimes have very interesting vices." "Do they?" Lord Rust said. His expression twisted into a smile as tight as garotte wire. "One might get the wrong impression that you were talking about illegal substances." "That's an interesting discussion to have," Twilight said. "You're the ruler, after all. Perhaps you could tell me which things are frowned upon and which things are tolerated, perhaps with certain... import fees?" "Mm. I see." Lord Rust stood up. "I think I understand you very well Miss... Dusk Shine, was it? I'll take some time to think about what you've said and I'll send one of my clerks along with the appropriate paperwork. If you'll excuse me, I have another meeting to attend to." Rust stood up and nodded slightly to the sheep standing behind Twilight. A cloven hoof touched Twilight's shoulder, and she was quickly led back out the door she had come from. Fluttershy waited in the corridor outside. She was finally going to have a chance to talk to Lord Rust about the aviary. She'd done the thing that all really nervous, introverted people do before a conversation and played it out in her head a dozen times. In theory, this was to prepare herself for the way the conversation would go. In practice, things never went as planned. The best thing that could be said for it was that it gave Fluttershy something to think about while she was busy wallowing in dread that she'd have to talk to somepony (well, somegoat) important. She had never done well in trying to have a conversation with anyone that could actually talk back. Guards walked past where she was waiting, escorting somepony - really somepony, the first pony she'd seen in almost a year - past the waiting area. "Well hello there," the unicorn said, spotting Fluttershy. Fluttershy lowered her gaze to the floor, embarrassed that she'd been caught looking. "I didn't know Lord Rust was hiding a beautiful flower like this." "Tw- Dusk Shine..." The griffon behind her hissed. "You can flirt when we're done." "I'm just saying hello," the unicorn said, shooing the griffon. Fluttershy nodded, her throat feeling like it was full of cotton. "Do you work in the palace?" The unicorn asked, stepping closer. The sheep guards grumbled at the delay, very clearly indicating that they were supposed to be escorting her outside. "S-sort of," Fluttershy whispered, finally finding her voice after a few attempts. "Really? Maybe I should have you show me around next time. You'd certainly be a lot easier on the eyes than the uniforms." The unicorn winked and held out a hoof. "Dusk Shine. I sell tea and tea accessories." "It's nice to meet you," Fluttershy replied. She chanced a look up at the unicorn's face, shaking her hoof carefully. "What's your name? I wouldn't mind knowing your address and when you get off of work, either-" "We need to go, dear," hissed the griffon, glaring at Dusk with a look that made Fluttershy's ears fold back, even though she wasn't on the receiving end of the expression. The bird put a talon on Dusk's shoulder and whispered in her ear. "No flirting with the staff." "Ah, well, I suppose I should go before they drag me away," Dusk Shine said. She winked at Fluttershy again as she was marched away, the guards closing in to shuffle her along. "Fluttershy!" Fluttershy yelled after them, her voice squeaking. "My name is... it's Fluttershy." Dusk smiled and looked back at her, nodding before she was almost shoved through a door. Fluttershy blushed and scraped her hoof along the ground, the conversations with Rust that she'd been replaying in her head entirely forgotten. Rust waited, looking at his weak tea and thinking, while Fluttershy was brought in from below. He didn't hate the girl, of course. She was quite useful, honest, and hadn't even tried to skim a profit for herself. There were a lot of people that would have felt bad about taking advantage of somepony like her. Lord Rust mostly just felt annoyed that she only had one real vice, though at least it was a useful one. She loved taking care of animals, and so she could be threatened by proxy. "Y-you wanted to see me, sir?" Fluttershy whispered. Lord Rust looked up. He hadn't heard her enter. She was astoundingly good at being quiet and unnoticed when she wanted. It was practically as good as invisibility. "Ah, yes," Lord Rust said, gesturing to a seat. "I apologize. My mind was wandering. Could I get you something? I could have a quick brunch put together. Perhaps some oatmeal or a sandwich?" "Oh, I couldn't impose, sir," Fluttershy said. "Well, at least have some tea and biscuits. I'd feel bad if I didn't offer you something." He nodded for them to be brought over. "Thank you, sir," Fluttershy whispered. "You've done some wonderful work since we brought you here," Rust noted. "And it's been everything we said it would be, hasn't it? A warm climate, a chance to work with exotic animals, steady pay with room and board included..." He trailed off, his tone friendly but implying that any of these could be taken away at a moment's notice. Especially the part where pay was involved. "Of course, sir," Fluttershy said. She bit her lip and continued after bracing herself for the worst. "It's just... you know the geese can't keep laying like this. It wears them out. If it's not stopped..." Fluttershy closed her eyes and stood up. It was clear she'd rehearsed this bit. "Then they'll die, and I won't just stand by and let you work them to death!" Rust raised an eyebrow and watched Fluttershy. He was impressed. She almost never stood up for herself. He decided to say nothing and let her crumble under the pressure of her own anxiety. "I-if that's okay," Fluttershy finished, her voice dropping to a whisper as she dropped into her chair. "Do you know why we chose you?" Lord Rust asked Fluttershy. "There were other candidates for your position." "N-no sir," Fluttershy whispered. "It's because you can talk to the animals, and they can talk to you." Rust smiled and stood up, walking over to Fluttershy. "A lesser pony might not have known what the issue was, especially with such exotic creatures. Letting me know about concerns like that is your whole job, Miss Fluttershy. Thank you for letting me know." "Oh," Fluttershy blushed, starting to relax. "So... I'm not in trouble?" "It's better to prevent things now than try to fix them after they break," Rust said, happily. "I'm not an expert in animals, so I wouldn't know what to promise or give them. How about you come up with a short list, write it down, and I can see what we can do to get it in the budget?" "Thank you sir!" Fluttershy said, standing up and smiling brightly. "I've already got some ideas-" "I'd prefer to have it in writing," Lord Rust said, holding up a hoof. "It all has to get written down at some point, it might as well be by the expert, right?" "Right," Fluttershy agreed. "I can include the reasons behind each request." "Wonderful," Rust agreed, nodding. "And maybe I can order them by how important they are?" "That would be helpful," Rust said, leading her towards the door. "I won't let you down!" Fluttershy said. Rust smiled and nodded and patted her on the back as she walked away, having promised exactly nothing. He closed the door and shook his head, walking back to his seat. "Ponies," Rust huffed. "So self-assured. Miss Grimm?" "Yes, Lord Rust?" Asked his seneschal, appearing behind him like she'd been there all along. It was a dangerous skill, and it was a mistake to think that a clipboard was any less deadly than a knife to a killed secretary. "Tell me what you think of our guests, Miss Grimm." "Miss Fluttershy, or your previous appointment?" "The latter, please," Lord Rust said, looking at his tea again. "Miss Fluttershy is simple. You provide the stick, I provide the carrot, and things move forward." "The paperwork I took from her checks out. She does seem to be whom she claims." "I see. Even so, I think it would be best to handle this quietly. I'd like the problem dealt with." "Yes, sir, understood," Miss Grimm said. "Tonight?" "Please," Rust nodded. It was nice having an assistant who really did understand.