//------------------------------//
// Discord's At It Again 
// Story: Cupid Discord 
// by NintendoGal55 
//------------------------------//

“Oh, curses! I didn’t check Pirate Cove for a while! Where is it, where-AH! He’s already out?! I thought for sure that didn’t happen so fast!”

Rarity tensed ever slightly, hunched over a little bit in her computer chair as she moved the mouse across the screen. It never failed to get to her, even in the middle of the day with the sun still out. She breathed heavily, keeping her focus on the game and feeling the tinges of fear and stress. But it was moments like this that she felt glad for getting her tasks for the day done relatively early.

“Ah! Go away!” Rarity shouted as she guided the mouse to shut down a door.

More than just finishing her task early, she had decided to close her shop for the afternoon due to the overworked lately. Rarity had finished up a massive order from Canterlot and now, it was her time to unwind. And what better way than to scare herself silly?

To be fair though, Rarity did happen to be a bit of fear junky. It was a great way to forget about the stress of her everyday life… by stressing her with a fictional setting and jumpscares. Maybe it made little sense, but this was her little guilty pleasure. Horror was just so much fun to dive into. At least from a safe place with no real repercussions for failing. It was just fun for her. 

Since Rarity was so caught up in her game, she didn’t even notice the front door opening. Was someone calling her name? She shrugged, paying it no mind. Maybe Sweetie Belle had come by after school. If that were the case, she would be coming up the stairs and knocking on her door. 

Nothing came. Must have been her imagination.

“Don’t you laugh at me, Freddy!” Rarity scolded at the computer monitor, “I will make it to dawn! Just you mark my words!”

Meanwhile, downstairs, Applejack had entered the boutique. But with no one in sight, she could only deduce that Rarity was upstairs. After all, why else would she leave the door unlocked? Either way, she could only guess that her friend finished work early. 

Shrugging a bit, Applejack went to the kitchen, putting the plate down onto the table. She looked around the room yet again, feeling oddly out of place for some reason. Besides the strange situation of the boutique being empty when usually Rarity was always busy at this time of the day, Applejack felt like something was missing. A weird emptiness she normally didn’t feel and stranger still, it had nothing to do with the situation. It was more of a… personal emptiness.

Yes, Rarity had to have been upstairs.

For whatever reason, Applejack didn’t feel right about just leaving Rarity a note by the plate. Not just because she had no reason not to go say hello. But she felt so compelled to see her. Even to just say hello and ask about her day. Then again, with how much Rarity had been on her mind today, that had to be the reason.

Leaving the kitchen, Applejack headed up the stairs, figuring a way to get Rarity’s attention. If she was still working on something, she didn’t want to sneak up and surprise her. How to do that? Call her name? Knock on her bedroom door? Maybe both? Shrugging her shoulders, Applejack made it to the top of the stairs, and went down the hall. Sure enough, her bedroom door was slightly ajar.

Applejack took a peek inside of the room. She noticed that Rarity was in fact there, sitting at her computer desk. It was odd to see her not working, let alone doing something not related to work with her usual habits. But there she was, seeming to play a game of some kind on her computer.

“You vile animatronic! No! No! You stay in there!” Rarity hissed at her computer, “I will not have you escaping! Stay in there! Ah! I see you, Chica! No!”

Applejack watched her in silence for a moment, stifling a chuckle as she watched her friend, ‘So is that what she during her free time? That’s… kinda cute actually. Ah wonder if this is normal for her?’ She stepped into the room very silently as she tried to sneak up behind Rarity to see just what she was doing. Rarity was obviously playing a game, but she was curious to know what it was.

“AIE!” Rarity cried out in surprise, nearly pushing her chair back. She held a hand to her chest, panting and breathing heavily, “Oh… oh my word, he got me! Why must it always get to me! Curse you, Foxy!”

Applejack tried not to laugh, almost slipping up in as she did. For whatever reason, she had a another strange impulse or was it a desire? It made perfect sense for that single, perfect moment and by then, it was too late. Applejack snuck up behind Rarity and just had to do something. She ended up grabbing her friend under her arms at her waist, dangerously close to her breasts and finally spoke.

“Hey, Sug,” Applejack snickered.

“AH!” Rarity exclaimed, wide-eyed and craning her head back to look up at her, “Applejack! Goodness, I didn’t even hear you come in!”

“Ya weren’t suppose ta~” Applejack giggled at her friend’s words, lightly toying with Rarity’s blouse, “Ain’t ya ever heard of being sneaky?”

“I certainly have, but you are lucky I didn’t freak out all the more!” Rarity chided half-heartedly, her cheeks turning bright pink.

Applejack smirked at her, nipping at one of Rarity’s ears playfully, “Ah didn’t scare ya enough? Well, Ah guess Ah gotta try harder~” She raised her hand just a bit to cup the lower part of friend’s breasts. She had no idea why, but she was having a lot of fun. And even more shocking was strange mixed feelings of emptiness and fulfillment at the same time now. At least her stress from earlier was finally gone. Now, she just wanted to see Rarity’s reactions.

Rarity’s eyes went wide as she looked down now, trembling slightly from Applejack’s deliberate groping. She let out a little gasp, then looked up at her again, “D-Darling, not that this doesn’t feel good, but… may I ask what you’re doing?”

“Ah was tryin’ ta scare ya,” Applejack grinned down at her, pulling Rarity away from her desk still keeping her in the chair. She groped her one good time as she snickered, “Ah guess Ah ain’t that scary though. But at least Ah got ya red in the face.”

“What in the world has gotten into you?” Rarity asked, blushing a little more. She shuddered slightly, “You’ve never touched me like that before… much less the other girls.”

Applejack nibbled on Rarity’s ear, laughing into it as she did. She gave her breasts another squeeze, a bit more roughly, “Whatcha talking ‘bout, Rares? Ah ain’t touchin’ ya. All Ah’m doing is giving ya big ol’ hug. Ain’t that right~?”

Rarity let out a little whimper of pleasure, her hands now gripping the arms of her chair a little tightly, “You’re touching my chest and nibbling my ear, darling…”

“No Ah ain’t,” Applejack grinned, moving down to her neck as her hands did the same until she was at Rarity’s hips, “It’s just a simple friendly hug between two good pals. Ah mean, Ah did bring ya that pie ya wanted.”

“Pie? I… oh! Right, of course…” Rarity blushed all the more, squirming a bit in her chair, “If you call this a hug… I wonder what you call other forms of physical affection…”

Applejack gave her a somewhat of a hickey like kiss on her neck, “Oh, wouldn’t you like ta know~” She pulled back before before kneeling down  a bit more to bring Rarity into a slightly more realistic hug if not for her constant motion of her hands wandering over Rarity’s body and nipping at the back her neck, “But you ain’t gonna ever know with that attitude. Well, unless you ask real nice.”

Rarity trembled against her, managing to move her arms to her shoulders. She liked this, she enjoyed the attention from Applejack, however expected it was. Despite that, many a question rang through her mind about it all. She tilted her head back, moaning softly in response to her friend’s ministrations, “I-I certainly would like to know, dear. This is all very unexpected!”

Pulling back from the embrace, Applejack spun Rarity’s chair around to face her as she grinned down at her. Then, decided to really scare her friend this time by straddling Rarity’s lap now and resting her wrists on her shoulders, “Is it? Ah don’t think it’s so unexpected when ya consider how things are. And ya ain’t complainin’, are ya, Sug?”

“No, no! Heavens no!” Rarity shook her head. She looked up at her friend with wide eyes, her cheeks flushed. Her heart raced, her entire body was warm, and she felt a familiar tingle between her legs. “As I said, this is unexpected, but certainly not in a bad way!”

Making a tsk noise, Applejack pulled back enough to poke Rarity in the nose, “That so? Well, how can Ah make this as bad as possible for ya?”

“Erm, darling, let’s not go there,” Rarity shook her head.

“And why not?” Applejack grinned at her, “We’re halfway there already… darlin’.”

“Goodness, you’re rather… forward and affectionate today!” Rarity murmured, looking up at her with wide eyes, “I hadn’t known you felt this way…”

“What you talking ‘bout, Rares? Ah ain’t no different from how Ah usually am,” Applejack chuckled at her, playing in Rarity’s hair as she did so, “Maybe ya just never noticed~ Ya are a bit of workaholic like me. Guess that’s why Ah was so shocked ta see ya not workin’. Still, it’s better than the other option.”

Rarity blushed all the more, beginning to see if that was the case. She brought her hands to Applejack’s shoulders once again, gently squeezing, “I’m sorry, dear. I suppose I truly was caught up in my work. But, as you can see, I am finished for the day! If you would like to… well, spend time together, I don’t see why not…”

Applejack snickered a bit, getting off her friend and pulling her chair away from the desk and over to the bed. From their, she took a seat on the edge of the bed itself, making sure they were facing one another, “Ah can think of a things we can do, but Ah’ll be honest, you ain’t ready fer none of them~ So, how about we plan one fer later? Ah did always wanna know what yer fascination with the spa was…”

Rarity blinked. But she managed to gather her bearings a little bit, “Erm, well, I could fill an entire book with how amazing going to a spa is! Is that what you’re saying, then? You’d like to go with me to the spa?”

“No, Ah’m sayin’ Ah want an excuse to get you naked,” Applejack grinned before laughing it off, “Sure, that’s what Ah’m sayin’, take me to the spa with ya. We’ll even share a mud bath if’en ya feel so inclined~”

Eyes going wide, Rarity squirmed a little in her seat, “Well, all right, then we can do that. Perhaps… tomorrow? I don’t have anything on my immediate schedule.”

“Sounds like a date; Ah’m good for that,” Applejack reached over to toy with Rarity’s hair once more, “Maybe Ah’ll even let ya do mah hair if ya behave well enough.”

“Behave?” Rarity repeated, raising an eyebrow, “Whatever do you mean by that?”

Applejack patted Rarity in the cheek with a smile, “Don’t go ruining mah fun with questions like that. Just go along with it for now.”

Rarity was still puzzled, but let it slide for the time being. She nodded a bit, leaning back, “Well, all right, then. So, did you want to meet at the spa?”

“If we don’t you might be leaving home for a while,” Applejack teased, letting her hand glide down Rarity’s neck and to her collarbone, “And Ah wouldn’t want ya ta have go all the way out to mah home just for little ol’ me.”

“Darling, I don’t mind,” Rarity stated, watching her hand’s movements intently, “Exercise is a good thing.”

“But Ah don’t wanna have ya get all dirty just fer me,” Applejack snickered, “We’ll meet at the spa, it’ll work better for the both of us.”

Rarity nodded, relaxing a little bit now. She exhaled, trying to wrack her mind around what had happened, “Very well, then! We’ll meet tomorrow at the spa. Does one o’clock sound good?”

“Ah can make that,” Applejack nodded in agreement.

“All right… Then I hope that your first experience at the spa will be lovely!” Rarity smiled now, “It will be nice for you to finally get a little pampering.”

“If ya say so,” Applejack snickered once more, “But Ah expect to be enjoying something else while we’re there.”

“What would that be?” Rarity queried.

With a grin, Applejack said, “Ah never said I was joking ‘bout looking for an excuse ta get ya naked~”

Rarity’s eyes went wide as her cheeks turned bright red, “I… I… oooh my! You-You were truly serious?!”

“Maybe I was,” Applejack leaned closer to her friend’s face, “But I’ll let you decide if was was or not.”

“Applejack! Honestly! Can’t you be straight with me?” Rarity squeaked, “What in the world are you trying to do?!”

“Straight? But Ah usually am,” Applejack rolled her eyes playfully as she boldly stole a kiss from Rarity on the nose, “Ah think it’s more fun ta be all aloof with you.”

“And what in the world is bringing this on?” Rarity wanted to know, “It isn’t like you to be so… spontaneous! Not like this!”

Applejack got up from the bed and turned to leave, “Ah’ll tell ya tomorrow if ya still wanna know.”

“Well, yes! I would like to know! This isn’t like you!” Rarity stood up now, breathing heavily.

Applejack walked out of Rarity’s room, making sure to sway her hips with a flick of her tail like a cat, “Then ya gotta wait ‘til tomorrow~ Until then, just sit on it and have fun.”

Rarity squirmed in her seat a little bit, feeling her body heat up considerably. “This is not fair! How would you like it if I came into your house and…. and… flirted with you?!”

“Depends on if ya want meh to just sit and take it or if Ah got ta go down on ya after ya finished,” Applejack shot her a wink as she strode out.

“Curse you, Applejack! You’re not making sense!” Rarity called down after her as she rushed to the doorway, “You are not off the hook on this! You are going to answer for your actions! And if you so much as pull this again, there WILL be consequences!”

“I look forward to every single one of them!” Applejack called back to her.

The moment she heard the front door close, Rarity let out an indecipherable sound before closing her bedroom door shut. She leaned against it, breathing heavily. What had just happened? This truly wasn’t like Applejack at all! What had gotten into her? Even moreso, she liked it. Every bit of it. Well, when she was being somewhat clear on her intentions. 

“What in the world is happening with her?!” She uttered, shaking, “This makes absolutely no sense!”

Rarity tried to get her breath back when a realization slowly dawned on her, “Applejack just set up a date with me…”





What had happened? All Pinkie could remember was Discord, feeling a pinch of pain, and then suddenly, darkness. When did she even fall asleep? This was weird, even for her. Nonetheless, Pinkie sat up straight from the surprisingly comfortable surface she was now on. Hadn’t she been in the library?

“Whoa! What happened?” Pinkie said, looking around herself, and spotting Twilight in a chair next to the bed. Immediately, she smiled, “Oh, hey there, Twilight! What’s going on?”

It was only then she noticed that Twilight had been asleep as well, sitting up right with a book in her lap and had been possibly snoring cutely as she did so (or at least Pinkie would have assumed it would have been cute) until her voice seemed to have awoken her.

Twilight jumped at the sound of her voice, snapping upright with shock and awe, “Pinkie! Y-You’re awake! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” Pinkie smiled, “I just have no idea when I fell asleep! All I remember is talking to Discord, I had some kind of magic arrow, and here I am! You even put me here in a guest room! Thanks, Twi-Twi! But why didn’t you just take me home?”

“Pinkie, you’ve been asleep for at least fourteen hours,” Twilight reached over to check Pinkie’s forehead for any signs of a fever, “I didn’t want to take any chances with you possibly being sick or something. Besides, I thought it be better for you to stay here so I could make sure everything would be okay.”

“Fourteen hours? Ooooh boy! That’s a long time!” Pinkie whistled, “Still, that’s very sweet of you! Thank you! Well, I feel fine! Confused, but I’m fine!”

Twilight however did not looks convinced, “But, Pinkie… Are you sure? I mean, the last time your hair was this flat, you were an emotional wreck.” 

“Flat?” Pinkie then felt her hair, coming to see that it was indeed flattened, “Oh! Will you look at that!”

“Pinkie, this isn’t a laughing matter,” Twilight said rather seriously, “I called the Cakes already and told them about what happened. They already said for you to take it easy if anything’s wrong with you.”

“Oh, but I feel exquisite!” Pinkie assured her, “I don’t know what Discord put in that magic arrow, but it was weeeeird!”

“Magic arrow?” Twilight questioned her, then realized more of what she said, “Wait, Discord was here yesterday?”

“Uh-huh! He was!” Pinkie nodded, “He showed up somehow, and shot at me with a magic arrow! I caught it before he could! It was fun! Apparently, he’s trying to be the new Cupid! So, then he’d be….Disupid? Cupicord?”

“He’s… Cupid now?” Twilight blinked a few times, surprised, “Are you sure that wasn’t a dream?”

“Nopey-dopey-lopey! I would know if it was a dream, Twilight!” Pinkie said, shaking her head and grinning, “I’m not sure why he wants to be the next Cupid, but that’s what he said! I just hope he goes after Dashie with this! She needs a good push to finally tell Flutters how she feels!”

Twilight shook her head, reaching over pat Pinkie’s hand, “I don’t think you’re feeling well, Pinkie. Just lay back down, okay?”

Pinkie waved her off, but pet her hand in return, “Twilight, I’m fine! Really! If anything, I’m hungry!”

“Then I’ll have Spike bring something up to you,” Twilight said, placing her hands on Pinkie’s shoulders, “Just take it easy, okay?”

“Okay,” Pinkie pouted a bit, but otherwise remained on the bed, “If you insist!”

Twilight gave her a sad smile, then stood up and left the room. She went back to the library, finding Spike in there doing some dusting. 

“Hello there, Spike,” Twilight said with a light yawn, “Well, good news. Pinkie’s awake, and she… seems to be okay. Or so she says. But she is hungry though, would you bring her something to eat?”

“Huh, she’s finally awake?” Spike asked her with odd look, “Uh, sure, I can cook up something for her. So, anyway, did she say what happened yesterday?”

“She did, I just found it surprising,” Twilight admitted and sighed, “She said that Discord showed up, trying to shoot her with this magic arrow. Then he went on about becoming the next Cupid, and she… somehow fell asleep because of it. I guess he left before we got back…”

“Okay, first off, that’s a scary thought,” Spike said with an odd smile, “I mean, the Lord of Chaos being Cupid. I sure hope that’s not real. But okay, at least nothing’s wrong with her.”

“I know! Which is why I’m going to talk to him about this,” Twilight stated, looking around the library. “Hey! Discord! I know you can somehow hear me right now! I want you to come here, right now! We need to talk!”

“Uh, Twilight, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way,” Spike mused to himself, knowing that it was pointless to try and deter her.

 A moment went by before something happen, and not exactly what either were hoping for. In a puff of small black smoke appeared a letter, floating in the air. As Twilight looked at it oddly, the letter opened itself and hung in face for all to read as follows:

We’re sorry, but the Spirit of Chaos you are trying to reach is currently preoccupied with shenanigans of an unknown level at this time. Please try your call again, or if this is an emergency, please try to contact the nearest Chaos Lord in your area at 1-800-Mindfuck. 

We thank you for your consideration.

And in the case this happens to be Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, Discord is still waiting for his glass of water. Thank you and have a pleasant day.

Twilight stared at the letter and then groaned, rolling her eyes before she sat down. “Great! So he’s out there doing who-knows-what and I can’t even get ahold of him!”

Spike thought about it for a moment before leaving the room to head to the kitchen. He was gone for no more than what felt like five minutes, but the wait felt much longer. When he returned, in his hands was in fact a glass of water.

“Okay, this might sound stupid, but here,” Spike said with an almost deadpan tone, “Try again with this. I mean, this is Discord we’re dealing with so this makes as much sense as anything else he does.”

Twilight took the glass, staring at it weirdly, “Well, okay… I guess I may as well try. Discord? Hey, I have a glass of water for you! Come and get it!”

Almost out of nowhere this time, the Draconequus hand of Discord himself appeared at the side of the glass in question, making both Twilight and Spike jump back in shock. How he had appeared without a flashy entrance was beyond them, but more shocking was the fact that it had actually worked.

“Finally!” Discord said loudly as he took the glass from her, “And it only took you one whole year to bring it to me! That’s a new personal best, really. I’m still waiting for my slice of pie from Tia and that was promised to me over a thousand years ago. So, you’re doing great as a Princess!”

“Well, to be fair, you did forcibly have Cadance and I bring you to the ends of Equestria and we got attacked by that Tatzlwurm!” Twilight protested with a mild pout, “I would’ve brought it to you!”

Discord grinned down at her, “Hey, you were in no real danger! I was there with you! Heck, I didn’t even know that thing was there! I mean, I could have asked you to climb the highest mountain in the Griffin territories alone in high heels to bring me a bucket of water from a magical spring guarded by a stone statue without using your magic or the ability to fly, bring it back down, give it to a sick monkey as part of test you don’t know about, then expect you to make flowers bloom with by waving your hands over them as a test to gauge your Princessness.”

Twilight sighed a bit, waving it off, “Right, that’s true. But anyway, the reason I called you here is because of what happened to Pinkie. She claimed you were here, that you were attempting to be the next Cupid, and that you tried to shoot her with an arrow! Then she fell asleep because of it. What in the world was in that arrow?!”

“Firstly, she caught it, so I didn’t technically shoot her,” Discord said mockingly, “And I have no idea why she fell asleep! All she did was grab it by the shaft, toy with it a little, and then it poked her one good time and boom! She was out like a light. And that’s in it is my Chaotic love magic juices. I had to work really hard to get that stuff, you know!”

“Why in the world would it put her to sleep? That makes no sense! I-wait, what kind of effect do those arrows even have?” Twilight wanted to know.

Spike looked between the two, his face contorting a little, “Do I even need to explain how weird what’s being said sounds right now? I mean, love magic juices, arrows, shafts, toying with it, and it making Pinkie pass out… Are we sure he didn’t just-”

“Hold it right there!” Discord hushed him on the spot, “We’re trying to keep a PG-13 rating for as long we can here, Spike! Besides, could imagine how many nutcases would lose their collective shits if I did that!”

“In spite of the double entendres, let’s get back on task here!” Twilight said, stepping forward, “I just want to know what is in those arrows and what kind of effect they have! Especially since you’re trying to be the new Cupid! Why are you doing that?”

Discord grinned once more, crossing his arms and sticking his nose into the air, “In order: I already to you. Chaotic love juices. Magic! Stuff to help you silly ponies get over your self inflicted issues and find love. What that entails, I have no idea. It’s Chaos magic, so… it kinda just does whatever it wants 90% of the time. It’s way too much work to always be in total control of it. Second, I am the new Cupid. I’m expecting documentation soon to prove it from none other than Princess Cadance herself. I already added it to my resume too. And finally, I’m doing it because I have discovered that I’m an amazing matchmaker! It’s almost like… this was my destiny!”

Both Twilight and Spike stared at him with wide eyes, completely speechless. They glanced at each other, then at Discord again, trying to find their voices.

“So… exactly how… did you even figure this out?” Twilight managed to ask.

“Do you want the short version or the long version? ‘Cause you get the long version in my autobiography that comes out this Spring! It’s going to called, Discord: the Rise of Cupid 2: The Electric Boogaloo. I expect it to be a best seller,” Discord said with a smirk, “I can get you two signed copies if ya want.”

“Wait, what happened to the first book?” Spike asked.

Twilight was about to refuse, but then pondered for a few moments, before giving a little shrug, “Yeah, sure. I’ll read it! But anyway, you may as well give me the short version.”

Discord chuckled a bit, “Again, in order: Would you believe that the first book was actually already written by some hack named Masashi Kishimoto and turned it into some story about ninjas and weird magic. And basically, I helped out my good friend Fluttershy get over her fears and now she’s enjoying the couple lifestyle!”

Now Spike and Twilight’s jaws dropped simultaneously. 

“What?! How?! With whom?!” Twilight gasped.

Discord shrugged a little, “Well, I suspect that Kishimoto used some kind of time travel and saw that one day, I would write the greatest book ever, but he wanted to get rich, so he stole the idea before I could write and just turned everyone into emo ninjas. It was ingenious, really. Then he would sell half the other ideas to some dumb blonde called Stephenie Meyer who totally missed the point of the story! She even had sparkling vampires instead of vampire fruit bats that lose their minds if they can’t find a way to maintain who they once were. I mean, come on! Sparkling vampires is so dumb, I wouldn’t even write that! That not original, it’s insulting to the undead everywhere! They were dead once! And no, I don’t care if she’s not blonde, she matches all the stereotypes to a T! So, ha!”

“Yeah, I didn’t like those books, either,” Spike remarked, rolling his eyes. “When I first read them, I thought they were comedy!”

“Hey, that’s a good way of looking at them!” Discord said brightly, snapping his fingers, “Of course! They could’ve been one of the greatest series of satire ever!”

Spike couldn’t help laughing, “I know, right? When I found out they were meant to be taken seriously, I was so mad!”

“No no no! That’s not what I meant!” Twilight exclaimed, “I meant Fluttershy. What happened with her?!”

“Oh,” Discord said with a smile, “She got invited to a party with Rainbow and they asked to help her get over her self image issues or something. I zapped her brain and she was better, I guess, and I’m assuming they had sex all night long. But I don’t really. That’s just a theory.”

“Whoa, are you serious?! They finally got together?!” Spike exclaimed, “About time! I should’ve known they liked each other!”

“What did you do to her brain?!” Twilight exclaimed with shock, “Using magic on someone’s brain could have serious consequences!”

“Oh, relax, I was careful,” Discord waved it off, “It was just to loosen her up. So, I decided I could do the same thing with others! Only nothing like that at all. It’s like the Matrix, only better. Because it has nothing to do with the Matrix at all.”

“...So that’s what you’re doing with the arrows? Trying to get others to loosen up?” Twilight uttered.

“Yeeemaybe?” Discord shrugged a little, “That’s what it did for Fluttershy, I’m not so sure what else they could do, but I’ sure it’s positive and good since that’s what I’m trying to go for! Plus, could you say no to the idea of being able to finally win over your love? I think not, you hidden psycho!”

“Hidden psycho? Excuse me?!” Twilight placed her hands on her hips. She then sighed, shaking her head, “No… I guess I couldn’t.”

Discord sighed as well, “Oh, come on! You had a great chance to do that one joke from that badly animated video game show about the magic triangles there and you blew it! Have I taught you nothing of good comedic timing?” 

“Even I caught that one,” Spike chuckled.

“...I don’t even know what you’re going on about,” Twilight sighed.

“Never mind that, Princess,” Discord waved it off, “The point is I’m doing something good and there’s no reason for you of all ponies to be mad at me! If anything, you should allow me to join your little Council of Friendship! I think I could a great Chairman of the Board.”

Twilight blinked now, a little taken aback. She sighed then, calming herself, “That’s what this is about?”

“No, it’s about me helping others find their soulmates, duh,” Discord flatly stated, “Haven’t you been listening? You were doing so great at first with glass of water thing and now it’s like talking to you on a bad day. Lesson Zero anyone? But moving on, is there any reason you called me up? Like, say, if Pinkie turned into 100 foot tall lizard and is attacking a small island nation of some kind. Because that… would be pretty freaking awesome.”

“Okay, I got it!” Twilight waved her hands, “Look, all of this just took me by surprise and it needs to sink in. I was worried about Pinkie, but I guess now I have the answers I was looking for. If you’re going to, well, as you said, be the next Cupid, I’m not discouraging you. Just as long as you go through the proper channels to get permitted. Which you’re doing... But what next?”

“I was thinking of shooting more ponies in the butts,” Discord said rather casually, “But I need to also figure out how strong these arrows can be. So, since I’m here, can I shoot Spike repeatedly in his backside to see how much magic it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop- I mean, to make someone pass out?”

“Uh… Maybe just one shot?” Spike said nervously, “I’m not so sure I want a dozen arrows sticking out of my butt.”

“How about one shot with twelve arrows?” Discord grinned, “I need to work my Robin Hood style of shooting anyway. But I’m not so sure they’d all hit the mark… Oh, they’d hit you though! Just maybe not all in the butt. Maybe in the legs and arms, the back of the head, tail, and pretty much anywhere else you’re not covering.”

“Uh… why not one arrow with the effect of twelve?” Spike replied sheepishly.

Discord snapped his fingers together and what appeared in his hands was an arrow the size of a javelin, “But because it would be six feet long, as thick as my arm, and I’d have to run you through with it.” He took a runner’s stance, ready to impale him, “This might hurt actually. But I’m ready if you are!”

“No way!” Spike shook his head, “Too much! I’ll just take the-”

“I’ll do it,” Twilight stepped in between the two, “With twelve arrows. If you need someone to test it on, it might as well be me.”

With that said, Discord snapped his fingers and the javelin was gone and on his back was a quiver with a bow in his hands, “Great! This’ll be a lot of fun, trust me!”

Twilight sighed and then went over to the wall, holding her hands against it. All while padding it with her magic. “Okay, let’s get this over with…”

Discord clapped his hands together with glee as she lined up at the wall. Spike on the other hand looked very concerned about this. He wanted to suggest Twilight head for the hills considering Discord’s track record of mishaps, but it seemed to late. Now was the moment of truth. 

Discord giggled like a schoolboy as he drew an arrow from the quiver and lined up a shot with his bow. He grinned, shouting at her, “Okay, so do you want it in the head?!”

“No!” Twilight yelled.

“Too late!” Discord chuckled as he was about to fire, only to have an ear splitting scream come from behind him.

“Discord!”