We all walked to the meeting room, it had a nice big, wooden, round table. I was expecting that much of the room. I noticed a table against the wall with a line of red telephones, and above each of them was a card with the 'owner' of the phone: a pony, a pony with a gem in the middle, a Minotaur, a griffin, a black and white pony/zebra and a stick figure. I chuckled to myself at my own phone line and the picture above it. We all sat down and Celestia began the meeting.
Oh sweet baby Jesus I'm bored as shit, when I get back I am SO implementing a term limit until we've all done it and we reset. Or better yet, I have no reputation here so maybe I can get caught with drugs. Do they have drugs here? Is there a drug trafficking issue here? I was mentally talking to myself out of sheer boredom, and I still had a whole two hours to go. Mostly, so far it was been trade agreements, which technically having no borders, or imports and exports, I sat around doing nothing except butting in an idea for a fair trade.
A phone began to ring, we all turned to look at it, mine had a red light on it going off. I wonder who has my number, considering I never knew it existed until today. I walked over to it and picked it up, I didn't even put it up to to my ear, and I could all already hear yelling.
"NELSON BEEN FOOKING KIDNAPPED MATE!" Brian screamed, the other diplomats all turned at the volume and the news of that. I sighed and began to talk
"I want to start from the beginning, slowly and calmly tell me what the hell happened." I said
"Right, so me and the mates," he began, while I mentally choked him for saying mate "we're all heading to town to talk to some of the ponies who offered us jobs. Then, a golden aura, surrounded him and picked him and took off with him."
"Please tell me you two followed him. If you managed to lose a six foot six Aussie, who was probably like screaming like The Crocodile Hunter, I'm gonna be really pissed." I said
"No, he was screaming bloody murder." I am really wanting to choke him now, I may have to dump all his tea in lake for revenge "we followed him to some house in town, then the door was locked and he was still yelling. It's been quiet for a while now, but for all Noah and I know, his mouth is duct taped and nothing bad has happened." He continued
"Did you asked the townsfolk who lives in that house?" I asked
"Yea, a woman named Lyra, but Noah and I don't recall what she looks like, do you?"
"Uhhhh, damn, I know the name, but can't visualize her. Son of a bitch. Why not ask around for what she looks like." I suggested, and received a long moment of silence from the other end
"Hello? Brian? You okay over there? Hello?"
"I'm here! I was telling Noah to ask around."
"Ok, soooo uhhhh, what's up??" I ask while waiting, I hear Noah in the background talking to Brian
"That right! I totally forgot, she's the mint green unicorn who's obsessed with humans." Brian told me
"Oh yeah! That's right. Now what?" I say
"Now what? NOW WHAT, you tell me Mr. Suit and tie." He yelled at me
"Uhhhh, call out to her and asks what she wants. If she wants money and a flight out of the country, let me know." I tell him, calling upon all my knowledge of hostage negotiation from movies.
"Really?" He asks suspiciously
"Yes really, I can't say I've been in this position so I'm using all my knowledge from Hollywood."'I tell him, I realized how weird this conversation must said from this end. Hearing half a conversation can be fun at times. I wait a bit as he talks to Noah in the background
"That's it?" Brian asks "so, uhhh apparently, she wants" he takes a deep breath and sighs "to know about humans."
"That's it! All of this, over that?" I say, I pinch the the bridge of my nose " I guess, talk to her and what not, talk about history and human achievements." I order him, I hear Nelson yell 'FREEEEEDOM' in the background
"Oh and tell Nelson that was a good Mel Gibson from Braveheart impression. I'll take it that my work here."
"Yea, right, cheerio!"' He said
"Sweet Jesus Brian, if you would have said 'God save the Queen' and 'Tea time' in this conversation you would officially be the most British person I know"
"Do you even know any British people?" he asked me
"Nope, and I am proud to say I know only one and you're that one. Bye." And with that, we hung up. My self-confidence was thorough the roof after solving this crisis. I turned around walked back to my seat, scooted a little closer to the table and said, "Still got it.". And with that we slowly got back into negotiating.
We finally took a lunch break at about noon. We all walked through the labyrinth known as the castle's hallways, personally all the halls are the same. We all sat down and given menus, by ponies in butler ponies (why do they have suits jackets and bow ties, but not pants?).
After we finished Celestia cleared her throat and said "Now is everypony's favorite event." She said smiling, I was not given a schedule and given no information about how this works, so I guessed.
"Quitting time?" I asked and received a chorus of laughter, I kept thinking, that's the best part of the day, right? Leaving school or work, going home and relaxing.
"I'm drawing a blank here, what's up next?" I asked
"Military inspections, we have a friendly competition of whose military performs the best," She told me. She continued "I would have told but you... Have no military to speak of." Makes sense, sort of, but she could have told me I so would have brought some guns here as we began to walk back outside.
"I understand, but the last time I was here I had a weapon or two or three, and Nelson did have a machete too." I told her, they all seemed a little surprised by that.
"I remember the sword, but what other weapons did you have?" She asked me
"Well, two of them are small and were hidden the other one was the long piece of wood and metal I had with me on my back." I explained and Celestia's eyes lit up in surprise
"I see, now do these weapons work." She asked, and I explained it all to them...
"So these sniper rifles can be used for long range combat?" Syllus asked
"Correct Admiral, the longest confirmed kill with one is a little more than a mile I believe." I said, Colonel Strong Hoof whistled at that. We finally arrived outside in the back courtyard area, I saw a dozen minotaurs, a dozen Griffins and three dozen ponies: a dozen in golden armor, a dozen in a darkish blue armor and the last in a purple color, with a orange gem in the middle. The ponies in the purple armor looked shiny, before I realized they actually were. Ohhhh, I get it now Crystal Empire, Crystal Ponies, they really like puns around here, then how come Cadence and Armor don't look like that?. I suddenly realized. They all had the same weapons, swords on their sides and some had crossbows. They did various drills, sword fights and archery competitions, the Lunar Guard won the Best Drilled, the minotaurs won the best Swordfighting having hands to hold the sword with helps out, and the Soalr Guard won Best Archery. I personally thought with my rifle I could do better than them, but that's just me. We all went back in, where the meeting was promptly dismissed and we were free do whatever, some just stayed around or went off to talk about whatever, but I just went to my room. I had a guard show me to my room, because this castle is a labyrinth to me.
"Here you are Ambassador." The guard said
"Thank you." I replied, and walked back in. My first plan was to get out of this suit, I'm more of a sweatpants and t-shirt guy. I hopped in the shower, which is the only thing I've seen to be bigger than me, I have to nearly kneel to use a counter and I don't need a seat most of the time at a table. I quickly took it and went into my closet and pulled out a simple white shirt and my American flag shorts because fuck it. I was planning on listening to some music, taking a nice nap and then heading back out. While I was sitting there I realized something big: I was alone. I mean, yeah I'm the only one in the room, but more than that. Does my family know what happened? Or my friends? How long have I been gone for? I've been here for almost a week, but they could be a year or a decade, it could even be a minute. I couldn't help but let a tear go. I sat there, looking up at the ceiling thinking about home, homesick as fuck. I heard the sound of horseshoes on the tiled floor, walking down the hall, I assumed it was one of the princesses or even the Chieftain. I heard whoever it was stop outside my door and began talking.
"How is he niece?" I heard Celestia say
"He's sad about something, I can't tell what about though." Cadence said back, I didn't know how she knew how I was doing, but still. I put some music on, and closed my eyes anyway and fell asleep.
I woke up, groggy as hell. It was dark out, but then again it was winter, so for I all know it was only 5:30 in the evening. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I took my earbuds out and stumbled out of bed.
"Oh shit." I muttered to myself, I checked my watch 5:37, not that far off from my guess. I walked out and looked around where to go from here. Pinkie bounced around the corner.
"Hey Pinkie, what's up?" I asked her, I realized I hadn't seen her or any of the girls since this morning, but I have been alseep for the last few hours.
"Well the girls and I spent the day in Canterlot, seeing the sights. Afterwards Rarity went to the fashion district, Twilight went to the library as always, Fluttershy went to the zoo, Dashie and AJ were going around doing competitions as usual." She said
"And what about you?" I asked, my gut was telling me she threw a party
"Well, a colt was having his birthday party, so I spent my day there." She said, causally
"Sooo you crashed a party?"
"No."
"Ok then, do you know where everyone else is."
"Oh that's easy, their all in Princess Celestia's study. I was coming to get you." She said
"How do yo-" I began, before letting out a sigh "let's go." I was going to ask how she knew I was awake but I already knew the answer. Pinkie Sense. Pinkie can tell when things will happen, it's like Spider sense, but more accurate and more a pink pony. Everyone thinks Pinkie is odd, but I don't. She may seem odd, but considering I woke up on a different planet, with people from other countries and said planet is home to talking ponies and other mythological creatures, the fact she pulls things from random areas has no effect on me.
We finally arrived at the study room we walked in and joined the girls and princesses. I greeted them and sat down we made idle chat, until a bright light filled the room. We all jumped up to look out the window at what occurred. In the back courtyard, was a truck from earth, more importantly it was a deuce and a half truck. I started laughing and I was about to ran down to it, until I realized I had no clue how to get there. So I took the easy way, opened a window and climbed down to it. The guards surrounded it, holding their swords and spears pointed at it.
"Watch out!" I said to them and jumped in.
"Chris, what is this... Machine?" Luna asked me
"This is a truck from home, I don't remember the official name, but it's called a deuce and a half because it weighs two and a half tons. It can carry troops or supplies, it can carry 5,000lbs off-road or 10,000 on a road, it it's known to haul double or even triple that" I turned my attention back to the inside and looked for the keys, they were already in the ignition. "My country built it during World War 2, but it served again in the Korean War and even into the 1960s before finally withdrawn." I finished
"Your world had TWO world wars?" Shining asked in disbelief
"Yep." Was my simple response "Lets see if she can run." I turned the key, and she roared to life. Everyone took a step back, even the princesses and the guards.
"Do you even know how to drive it?" Twilight shouted over the engine.
"Yea! I drove one up to my uncle's house in the mountains!" I called back. I turned off the engine and climbed back out, I went around the back to see if their was anything good back there. I found nothing. I don't know what I was hoping to get, but still.
"Now what?" I asked
"Well, you can keep it, how we'll get it out, I'm not sure. I'm quite sure my little ponies would panic if they saw that thing driving down the streets." Celestia said.
"Ok, so I can't drive out or even drive to the train station. Hmmm" I said, heavily in thought. Maybe I could drive at night.
"He could use the station at the camp further up the mountain." Armor suggested
"What? There's military base not this mountain? The city is already halfway up it!" I said before I realized the answer: magic. I slammed my head into the steering wheel and caused the horn to go off.
"Shit!" As I jumped back in surprise. I climbed back out and we all went back inside.