I was sweating buckets when I finally emerged from White Tail Woods. I had vastly overestimated my stamina, and every step I took in the heavy knight's armour was like Trusty Patches tearing out my soul all over again. At the edge of the treeline, I collapsed onto the grass at the bottom of a small hill.
Why couldn't the Asylum demon have just eaten me and spared me this?
I pulled off my helmet and laid it down next to me. Despite my previous resolve to never, ever let my guard down again, I had gotten through the entire forest since then without being attacked by another band of changelings, so I was reasonably sure it was safe here. And besides, without all the conversation going on, maybe I'd hear this time if any attackers were coming.
While lying there on the grass, I stared up at the sky. Some birds sat in a nest above me, tweeting away without a care in the world. They seemed to pay me no mind, but I was entranced by their song. How much simpler would life be if I had been born a bird? Hell, what if I had just been born a pegasus? I wouldn't have to worry about any of Equestria's various horrors, for a start. Hollows and ferals usually have no magic and can't fly. I wouldn't have had to cover myself in metal and trek through a dangerous forest. I could've just flown over it.
My musings were cut short. Where before there was blue sky, suddenly my view was filled by bright orange flames. I shrieked and flipped over, scrambling for my helmet and crouching low, but before I could even put it on, the danger had passed. I looked up just in time to see the great phoenix from the Shrine of Sunlight disappearing over the crest of the hill.
I stood up to my full height, my eyes fixed on the hilltop ahead of me. The great phoenix had been flying in the direction of Ponyville.
"...Hmph."
Every single time that bird did anything, it just raised more questions. Nevertheless, there was definitely a lesson to be learned here. I hadn't heard the phoenix coming until it was already flying over me, and that bird was actually pretty loud. That was twice in a very short span of time that the universe had gently reminded me to never, ever relax. So okay. Point taken. Weld the helmet to my head and learn to live with the sweat. Got it.
Since it seemed that I was no safer here than I was anywhere else, I decided to wait a little longer before taking any kind of break. I pressed ahead, climbing the slight incline of the hill until I stood at the top. There, I finally had a clear view of Ponyville.
It was a perfectly ordinary-looking village for the most part, though significantly larger and less rustic than Brittlesworth. Like my home, most of the houses were wooden and had straw roofs, but these ones were built bigger and taller, and they were all painted in light colours, mostly whites and yellows. A few disparate examples of brick and tile buildings also dotted the town, especially around the edges, and I spotted more than a few unique building designs amongst it all. The tallest visible structure was a circular building in the middle of the town, topped with a small spire. It looked like a place of some importance.
There was another large mass of forest to the right of the town, much bigger than White Tail. Darker, too. A distant river ran into it. Following the river backwards, I noted that it ran around and through the town, and seemed to come from the direction of Mt. Canterlot, where...
"What."
On the opposite side of Ponyville from the forest, an enormous tree of blue and purple crystal had grown out of the ground. I couldn't quite process what I was seeing at first. Even with Mt. Canterlot looming behind it, the crystal tree was incredible in its size, easily dwarfing the structure in the middle of Ponyville several times over. It stood apart from the town, growing out from a small cluster of low hills, with only a few lone houses built closer to it. A road led out from the town to the tree's... front door.
That was the other thing that I couldn't quite comprehend at first. As well as being a giant blue and purple crystal tree, this thing also actually looked like it was inhabited. I almost wanted to say it was a castle. The upper levels of the tree had balconies, doors, and windows all over. Colourful lights hung down from the balconies like vines, and a purple flag with a familiar star emblem hung above the largest one. The tallest part of the tree, a tower with a pointed golden roof, supported a crystal rendition of that same symbol, which was almost half as big as the entire rest of the tree.
I stood there, agape, my eyes locked onto the crystal star. It was the Mark of Twilight. I might not have ever attended church, but I definitely recognised the symbol of the Goddess of Friendship and Knowledge when I saw it. Whatever that crystal tree place was, it was strongly associated with her. Perhaps it was some kind of Twilightian cathedral, built by the Way of White? Yet, if that were so, then why did Sir Penance and the other crusaders make no mention of this place, nor any plans to stop by on the way to Sweet Apple Acres?
I made my decision. No matter what, I was not going to brave the dangers of Ponyville without at least trying to see what was inside the tree first. Best case scenario, a friendly congregation of Twilightian scholars could immediately teleport me back home. Worst case, I could be dissolved in acid, but frankly, that was a risk I ran whenever I talked to anypony in this land.
Taking a deep breath, I descended from the hill, and made my way across the grassy plains towards the tree.
Chapter 3:
Dying Gets Easier
Well, that was pointless.
The doors were locked tight once I reached the castle, and circling around the entire tree revealed no other hidden entrances. With no visible dangers in the immediate area, I banged at the door for a solid ten minutes, and shouted up at the balconies all the way. I threw rocks at the windows, only for them to be vaporised by some kind of magical defences. Eventually, I just gave up. I can't begin to describe the disappointment, but in my heart, I knew that it was foolish to expect anything different. If the crystal castle had held any hope in the first place, then Sir Penance probably would've mentioned it.
While forlornly trudging along the southward path back towards the town, I observed Ponyville from a different angle. Distantly, the town looked perfectly ordinary. Up close, however, I could tell just how weathered and worn the buildings here were. The straw roofs were thinning out and collapsing, the paintwork was fading and flaking away, and the streets and gardens were all overgrown with weeds. It was clear that nopony had lived here for quite some time.
My armour's rattling and my hoofsteps were the only sounds apart from the wind. Otherwise, it was quiet as a tomb. The houses along the street all looked abandoned. A few of them had their doors missing or still open, and some had smashed windows as well. Most of them, however, were completely boarded up, and each boarded-up house had a large red cross painted on the wall next to the door. I didn't know what the crosses were there to indicate, but they reminded me of the stories of plague-ravaged Trottingham. They made my spine tingle to look at.
While walking along, observing these houses, I somehow missed what was right in front of me, and walked into another pony, who fell on the ground with a strained cry. I instinctively looked forward again and began apologising, only to stop short when I noticed who it was that I'd ran into.
The pony was ancient-looking, with a dull grey coat, and only a few frayed white hairs in place of a mane and tail. Its skin was sagging and wrinkled, and it hung off a gaunt, near-skeletal frame. The pony had wings, but they were almost unnoticeable, lacking any feathers as they did. And what drew my attention most of all was its flank, which showed no cutie mark whatsoever, but did display a very prominent darksign.
The hollow struggled back onto its hooves and staggered around to face me. Its eyes were unmistakably empty, nothing but a lifeless white. It opened its mouth and screeched at me, spittle flying, while it tried to flare the remnants of its wings. For a moment, I was paralysed by shock. That moment was all it needed, as it immediately lunged on top of me and knocked me to the ground, just as I had done to it.
I lay on my back on a cobblestone street as the hollow began pounding away at me with its bare hooves. For a moment, I struggled and tried to grab the hollow to make it stop, but then I realised that I couldn't feel any pain. It was punching my armour with everything it had, but the hollow was simply too weak to damage me through all that plate metal. With my helmet on this time, I was completely safe from this thing.
A chuckle began to rise from my throat, which quickly turned into a bellowing laughter. I shoved the hollow off with relative ease and stood up again.
"Come on, then!" I said to the hollow, as it also got up. "Let's see you try again!"
It shrieked at me, just like before, and charged towards me at a fairly decent speed. I side-stepped it and let it run past me.
"Haha!"
The hollow stopped and looked around, almost seeming confused, before turning to face me and charging again. Once more, I dodged to the side.
"Oh, look at that!"
Perhaps I was projecting emotion onto a being that didn't have it, hollows being less mentally developed than even the most primitive animals, but I could almost swear that this thing was getting frustrated with me. It hissed this time, in a manner reminiscent of the changeling ferals, and swung its hooves at me as it charged.
I side-stepped the hollow, and responded by throwing a punch of my own, striking it right in the head and knocking it to the ground. Leaning over, I waited for it to get up for another go, but it stayed down. Apparently I had knocked it unconscious.
I looked back at my sword, wondering whether it would be a good idea to execute it. After all, it wasn't really a living thing, even in the sense that normal undead are alive, and a proper kill would keep it down for much longer. Still, it didn't really seem necessary, and I wasn't eager to see any more gruesome sights after what I had already been through. I decided to leave the hollow for now and be on my way.
The moment I turned my back, it was up again. I knew this because as I was walking away, it lunged at me from behind, tackling me to the ground and resuming its assault. I rolled my eyes. I had yet another lesson to learn from this experience: spare no-one.
I rolled over, removing my clingy attacker, and climbed on top of it to pin down its limbs. The hollow struggled, shrieking and spitting at me still. With my magic, I drew my sword and positioned it over the hollow's neck. It didn't respond to the gesture at all, only continuing to flail violently beneath my hooves.
It's not a real pony, Firelink, I reminded myself. It's just a mindless hollow.
Even so, I still needed to close my eyes before I could bring myself to do it. With a quick motion, I cut the hollow's throat. Blood sprayed out and covered the front of my armour, but the hollow didn't have nearly as much blood as a living pony would have. The hollow went quiet and stopped moving as I opened my eyes. I climbed off of it and put my sword away. Then I took a deep breath.
That wasn't so bad.
It wasn't a pleasant sensation, that was for sure, but killing the hollow like that hadn't made me feel as terrible as I'd been expecting. It was superficially similar to killing a pony, but it really wasn't comparable. Hollows were hollows. Whoever that poor soul had once been, they were long gone now, and all that was left was a shell.
"Right then," I said with a sigh. "Where next?"
I came across a few more hollows in my journey through Ponyville, and just like the first, they all seemed to be harmless now that I was actually keeping my helmet on. Or maybe hollows really were just that much weaker than feral changelings? Either way, I had little difficulty with them.
As a matter of fact, I began to see the hollows as a great opportunity for practice. Once I had gotten over the initial discomfort of how similar they were to living ponies, I was soon having no trouble cleaving them apart with my broadsword. I began to learn some very important lessons about sword combat. For one thing, it was essential that I put as much telekinetic force behind each swing as I could possibly muster, otherwise I was unlikely to cut through bone, which could potentially make for a very messy decapitation. Even for as much of it as I'd seen, the gore still nauseated me slightly when it got excessive.
In a small side street, still in the residential area of the town, I came across a pair of hollows on the prowl, and had both of them charge at me. I swung horizontally at their necks as soon as they were in range, going for a double decapitation. To my dismay, I missed the furthest one and only grazed it, and it barrelled into me anyway, knocking me over. And this hollow didn't even fall down on top of me afterwards. If it'd actually been capable of hurting me, it would've been in a prime position to do so at that moment.
I stabbed it through the heart to quickly finish it before even getting up. Here was another lesson to learn. Facing multiple enemies in a real combat situation is dangerous, and I had to be careful to not overexert myself. I'd killed one hollow, but the other had still been able to get me. I needed to play more defensively when outnumbered, especially when being mobbed like that.
I looked to my side, at the shield attached to my armour. It occurred to me that I didn't really know how to use a shield this large. With the wooden roundshield, I could easily attach it to my foreleg and bring that up to block an attack, or else use telekinesis to lift it. This larger shield, however, I could pretty much only use with telekinesis, and I wasn't sure if that was the intended usage or not. Maybe it was meant to stay on my armour, and I was actually expected to turn in place to absorb blows? Did that make any sense?
Maybe this is just a shield for giants.
I emerged from the alley into a very different-looking area. I had now moved from run-down houses to run-down shops. But these were not like the shops in Brittlesworth or Woods' End. They were more like the shops in Port Cruelsea or Trottingham, with glass windows on the shopfront, and large, colourful signage above the store entrances. Yet again, I did not understand the language on the signs, but fortunately for me, most of them used pictures rather than words anyway.
Going up to the stores, I found that a few of them were boarded-up and marked with red crosses, just like the houses, but the ones with big glass windows had only boarded up the doors.
I cantered up to one of the quarantined buildings and peered in. It looked like some kind of small restaurant, but everything inside was a mess. Chairs and tables were upended, bottles, plates, and cutlery littered the floor, and the whole place was dark. It took me a moment to see the hollow inside, but its movement gave it away. It was at the back end of the restaurant, over by the counter, shambling about aimlessly and bumping into things.
Now it all clicked. A red cross on a building meant that somepony had trapped a hollow inside. Obviously, the undead curse had overrun this town at some point in the past, but it must have been a gradual process. The townsfolk didn't have the resources to completely destroy their hollows, or maybe they just didn't have the heart for it, so instead they sealed them away as a temporary solution. Not that it seemed to have done the rest of the town any good in the end.
I turned away from the restaurant and walked on down the street. I wondered about the rest of the hollows in Ponyville. Where exactly had they all come from if the townsfolk usually trapped them in the buildings?
"Hey, you! Yeah, you! I hear you out there! Come inside!"
I paused, mid-step. I had been wandering through the streets of Ponyville for about an hour now, and this was the first time I'd heard a voice that wasn't the incoherent screams of a hollow. It was a slightly raspy, nasally voice, but full of energy and enthusiasm. Or perhaps it was urgency I was hearing?
I looked around for the source of the noise, and was drawn towards another store. Unlike the ones I'd seen earlier, this one did not have a storefront with a big glass window. Instead, much like in Brittlesworth, this area of Ponyville simply built its stores like large houses and put signs over the doors. The sign above this particular building had a picture of a quill and a settee, except that several sentences of the mystery language were graffitied in red over it.
With a shrug, I stepped through the open door. It was light inside, with lanterns hanging from the walls, and a strong smell of incense permeating the place. Much as the sign advertised, it was filled with furniture, but all manner of random junk was strewn about on top of it. From a quick glance around the place, I counted kitchen utensils, farming equipment, books, weapons, cartwheels, bales of hay, clothing, jewels, alcohol, medicine and surgical equipment, framed pictures and paintings...
"Woah," I said.
"Over here, stranger! Don't be shy!"
At the back end of the store, between an empty fish tank and a cabinet full of antique glassware, I found an earth pony stallion sitting in a wheelchair.
Had I encountered him out on the street, I would've sworn that this pony was hollow. Much like them, he had been ravaged by age, looking more like a corpse than most actual corpses I'd come across. He was missing both his eyes, so he lacked the trademark empty stare of a hollow, but even in the position he was sitting in, I could see his darksign. Still, he had much more colour than the hollows outside did. His coat was dull, but it wasn't entirely grey yet; this stallion was instead primarily yellow.
The undead stallion leaned in and smiled at me, revealing a row of rotten gums with several missing teeth.
"So then, what can I do you for?" he said, cheerfully.
"Is this a store?" I asked, looking around over my shoulder.
"It is indeed! Carrot Cake's the name, and I sell absolutely everything!"
"Absolutely everything?" I echoed.
"Yes sir! Only the finest goods, scavenged from across all of Ponyville, all made by expert craftsponies from before the fall. Every single item here is a bonafide antique, sir. They literally don't make them like this anymore!"
I turned around to look at the rest of the store properly. It was true. He really did have everything that I could reasonably expect a store to sell. On a second look, I saw tea and spices, mirrors, lawn ornaments, balloons, horseshoes, toys...
"How did you gather all this stuff here?"
"Years of work! Not like I have anything better to do around here. Ponyville's a quiet place these days, except for the roving gangs of murderous hollows. Can I interest you in some food, perhaps? The baked goods and vegetables all ran out decades ago, but I have plenty of meat and salt!"
"Uh, I'm fine, thank you."
That was a lie, actually. It had been a long time since I had last eaten, and I was definitely feeling hungry. But I had no desire to go carnivorous this early.
"Actually, maybe there is something you can help me with. Have a band of four passed through here recently? A Cleric-Knight, a Sister of Solace, and two minotaurs?"
"I did have minotaurs in here about three days ago, but that was a party of seven, and I don't recall any White followers among them. They were Chaos Paladins, on the way to the Everfree for another crusade against the deer... Hope they do better this time. The last three crusades didn't go so well for them."
I filed that information away for later.
"Do you know which way Sweet Apple Acres is?" I asked.
"Southwest side of town. You've got a ways to go if that's where you're heading. Plenty of hollows between here and there. Not to mention the other dangers. Are you properly equipped for a trip like that? Maybe I can interest you in a crossbow, or a bow and arrow? It helps to deal with your enemies at range, you know!"
This pony was entirely too chipper for one living in such squalor and solitude.
"Other dangers? What other dangers?"
"Oh, should be nothing. If you go the sensible and obvious route to Sweet Apple Acres, of course, which is going back the way you came and walking around the town rather than through."
"...Well, hypothetically, what else might I encounter?"
Carrot Cake leaned back in his wheelchair.
"Weeeeeell, there is the black knight that roams these parts, for one thing. Nopony's ever sure when he'll turn up, but when he does, watch out! Heh. He ain't your typical hollow. And of course, if for some reason you decide to go in completely the opposite direction from Sweet Apple Acres and head northeast out of town, you'd have to cross Ponyville's hydroelectric dam to get to the other side of the river, and an earth demon lives in the dam right now, so that's not a good idea."
"Uh... okay, I'll be sure to avoid those. Thank you."
While I stood there, weighing my options on how to proceed, another thought came to mind.
"By the way, what's with that crystal tree north of town? The one with the huge Mark of Twilight on top? Is it some kind of cathedral?"
"Ha!" Carrot Cake sat up. "No, that's just Friendship Castle. Or the Castle of Friendship. Or the Crystal Castle. Or... hmm. Y'know, I don't actually know its proper name. It's been here for almost as long as I have, and I still don't know what it's called. How about that..."
Carrot Cake stared into space for a minute, or at least that's what it looked like he was doing. Can blind ponies still stare?
"...So what is it?" I prodded. "Who lives there?"
"Hmm? Oh! Nopony. Not right now. At least I don't think so. Back in the day, that was Princess Twilight Sparkle's home, but... I haven't seen her in a long time. Not since before the fall."
I had several thoughts at once.
The Goddess of Friendship and Knowledge lived here? The Four really were princesses of Equestria? This random undead stallion has seen one of them? The goddesses are gone now?
Wait, what is this "fall" he keeps referring to?
I almost didn't know what to ask about first, but then Carrot Cake interrupted my pondering.
"You sure I can't interest you in some meat? I know most ponies don't like the thought; I didn't either at first. But it's good stuff! You get used to it surprisingly fast. Especially when you're hungry. Those Chaos Paladins eat the stuff all the time when they drop by."
My stomach rumbled, and my questions were momentarily forgotten. I let out a sigh.
"...What kind of meat, exactly?"
Carrot Cake smiled in a way that I found very unsettling.
"Undead pig!"
I raised an eyebrow. "Undead... pig...?"
"Chop a leg off an undead, they'll just grow it back anyway, long as they die. Seems like kind of a waste to not take advantage of that. Food's scarce out here if you're a vegetarian. I mean, I used to own a bakery around here once, but I haven't tasted real sugar in at least fifty years now... Celestia, I miss it sometimes..."
Not to sound horrible, but I was very glad then that this pony was blind, so that he couldn't see the look of incredulity and mild disgust on my face. My curiosity had taken a backseat to my sense of decency by this point.
"...Yeah, survival's a real bitch," I said, trying to keep my tone casual as I eyed the exit. "But, be that as it may, I don't really feel comfortable eating another person, y'know? I'm just not at that stage in my life yet."
Carrot Cake frowned.
"Pigs are animals, not people. I wouldn't eat a person either, stranger."
"I suppose that's at least somewhat reassuring."
"Of course. But I don't have any other food here, so you'll have to press on to Sweet Apple Acres if you wanted anything else. You can probably guess what they have available."
"I'll do that..."
"Okay!" said Carrot Cake, his smile and enthusiasm returning. "Nothing else I can get you?"
"I'm fine, thank you!" I called back as I trotted out.
"Thanks for browsing! Come back soon! And say hi to the Apple Family for me!"
As I exited into the street, I turned a corner and collapsed against a wall. I placed my hooves on my forehead and stared at the ground.
What the hell is wrong with this place?
For a while, I did legitimately consider following Carrot Cake's advice and turning back. While the hollows of Ponyville had presented little challenge so far, the mention of the black knight set me slightly on edge. Eventually, however, I decided to forge ahead and brave whatever may come. I had already come this far, and the way I figured, this was an opportunity to get in some relatively risk-free practice. The black knight was a potential problem, but an avoidable one if I was careful, and the hollows were no trouble at all. It was the perfect place to train without actually putting myself in danger, or so I thought at the time.
In truth, Ponyville probably wasn't a big enough town for me to spend as long in it as I did. Sure, I was lost, but it wasn't like the street layout was especially complicated. It was just that I spent a long time on each street. Every time I came to a new area, I moved through it at a snail's pace, constantly watching over my shoulder, checking around corners, and making sure that the locked doors all looked secure.
I peered around the edge of a building to look down one of Ponyville's many alleyways, checking to see if there were any black knights or demons waiting for me. I refused to be caught off-guard for a third time in a single day. When the alleyway appeared clear, I moved down it and onto the next street. It was a lot like the previous one. Plenty of residential homes around here. They were mostly boarded up and marked with crosses, of course, but so far that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I looked each way down the road, and that's when I spotted it.
Surrounded by a cluster of six other hollows, at the end of the street, an equine figure the size of Sir Iron had its back turned to me. Just like him, the creature was clad in dark armour, but it was much more form-fitting than Sir Iron's was. Even the helmet was shaped more like a bullet than like the cylindrical helmet that he wore. And the helmet had horns. Plural. Specifically, it had two long, curved, and slightly jagged ones where a pony's ears would be.
The black knight, I presume.
I didn't dare make a sound. This was trouble waiting to happen, and I wanted no part of it. But fortunately for me, hollows don't have the most developed senses. I'd had to literally run into one earlier for it to notice me. So as long as the black knight kept its back turned, I was sure that I could avoid it without issue.
Still, just to be safe, I thought it would probably be a good idea to get off this street altogether. I turned away and retreated down the alleyway until I was back on the other street. This one was empty, unlike the last, and I had no fear of being suddenly ambushed by hollows here. I took a moment to sit down against the wall of a house and breathe. I took off my helmet as well. The stench from within my armour was almost overpowering by this point. I was not fit enough to be wearing this. How any unicorn could manage going to war in this gear was beyond me.
I opened my saddlebags and fished around inside, before remembering that I hadn't packed any water. I leaned my head back against the wall and groaned. I should've asked Carrot Cake if he'd had any. Maybe I could've traded him some of the gold for it. I wasn't sure if Equestrian currency was still valid in these parts, but I didn't expect a junk merchant would be picky either way.
There was a sound somewhere to my right, distant at first, but becoming louder every second. It sounded like hoofsteps, but not just ordinary hooves on stone, like the sound the hollows made. More like the sound my armour made when I was galloping. I looked over just in time to see the black knight emerge from the alleyway and bring down an enormous halberd towards me. I shrieked and rolled out of the way.
The halberd carved straight through the wooden wall of the house I'd been leaning against. The black knight wrapped its foreleg around the handle and yanked it free, pulling a large chunk of wood out with it. I grabbed my saddlebags and helmet with my magic while the knight smashed its halberd against the ground, breaking the wood into splinters. Chips of stone flew out out the road as well, leaving a pothole. When it raised its halberd again, I bolted, fitting my helmet and saddlebags back on as I went.
I ran down the street as fast as I could, no longer being cautious at all. The black knight ran after me, galloping at a speed that I thought impossible for hollows, halberd slung over its shoulder. A gang of ordinary hollows emerged from the same alleyway, presumably the posse that had been hanging around the black knight before. And more hollows were waking up and emerging from the other side streets because of all the noise I was making.
Mercy! Please, Celestia, have mercy!
It was fast, but I was sure I could outrun it. I had to, because halberds were designed for reach, and I was sure it could get me from where it was now if it tried. Thankfully, hollows are stupid.
As I came to the end of the street, another new oddity of this town came into view. The street opened up onto a tiny junction of multiple intersecting paths, and in the middle of it all was what appeared to be a gingerbread house, except the size of an actual house. I blinked, but now was not the time to question it. I ran towards it, quickly formulating a plan to run in circles around the house and escape down another street while the black knight couldn't see me. It seemed to be of above average intelligence for a hollow, but there was still a chance I could fool it that way.
I looked back over my shoulder, and my jaw dropped at how many hollows were now on my tail. There must have been three dozen of them chasing me now. There were so many that they were actually slowing down the black knight's pursuit. Then, to my surprise, it began swinging away with its halberd and hacking the other hollows to pieces in an attempt to clear a path.
"No, no, no!" I said, turning my sight forward again. "I can't die again here!"
I ran around the gingerbread house, just as planned. I was kidding myself before. I couldn't outrun this monster. I didn't have the stamina for that. I was going to have to trick him out, but that had been my intention anyway. I circled anticlockwise around the building, and the black knight followed me. While I ran, I quickly checked all the streets on this junction, trying to determine the best possible escape route.
I didn't account for the other hollows. They were nowhere near as fast as the black knight, so while they tried to follow him around the building, I ran straight into the back of the horde. Fortunately, they were still hollows, so I just drew my sword and cut them down while they were caught off-guard. I stabbed and sliced at them, and then just kept moving. They all began forming into one big bloody heap beneath my hooves, which I jumped over and weaved around. After one pass, I'd already thinned out a decent number of them, and had safely avoided the rest.
"Okay, okay!" I took deep breaths between reassuring myself. "You can do this, Firelink! You can get away from this alive!"
Then the black knight doubled back around and was suddenly right in front of me.
Damnit!
It swung. I tried to duck, but wasn't fast enough. The blunt side of the halberd struck me in the side, lifting me into the air and sending me flying into a boarded up window, which shattered on impact. I went straight through and landed in a heap inside the building we'd been circling.
"Arggggh!"
This was no light tap like the other hollows managed with their hooves. The halberd hurt, even through solid metal armour, which it had left a substantial dent in. I was sure that one of my ribs was broken. I lay on the floor of the building atop a bunch of splintered wood planks and broken glass, groaning. The window I'd crashed through provided the only source of light in the room, which was dim and dusty all around, but the light was soon blocked by the figure of the black knight. It was attempting to crawl through to get to me, but it was too big to fit.
I crawled backwards away from it, retreating further into the dark room until my back hit a table or store counter or something. I knew that there were probably hollows in here, but I didn't care. There couldn't possibly be anything worse in here than that thing.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I shouted at the knight. "You're dead, you stupid thing! Go back to your grave already!"
It roared, actually roared at me, and slammed its hooves on the walls outside. Then it picked up its halberd and tried to throw it at me through the open window. I rolled to the side to dodge it, and the thing clanked to the ground next to me. For a moment, I stared dumbly at the halberd. Then I grinned, and looked back to the black knight. This is what I was talking about when I said that hollows are stupid.
"Ha!" I said, picking up the halberd with my magic. "Look at that! Whatcha gonna do now, huh?"
I floated it near the window, keeping it just out of the knight's reach, and then stabbed at it with its own weapon. It grunted as the sharp end of the halberd pierced its chest. I quickly pulled it out and stabbed again, lower this time. It didn't like that either. Looks like I'd just found my win. I peppered it with jabs all over its body, leaving small holes in its armour, and finished with burying the halberd in the eye slits of its helmet.
The black knight collapsed, and I pulled myself up and inched over to the window. Outside, I found my enemy lying on its back, motionless.
"Oh yeah! Don't mess with the best!"
There was a groaning behind me, and the sound of stone scraping against wood. It seemed that the hollows inside this building had finally woken up. I turned around to face them.
"You want some too?"
Then, from the shadows, a most peculiar thing emerged. It looked like another knight, much smaller than the one I'd just slain, but its armour was made entirely of interlocking stone plates. Numerous decorative chains were wrapped around its middle and forehooves, some of which were lined with colourful gems. Its helmet was strange as well. The visor was massive, with multiple vertical slits big enough for me to almost see a hollowed face on the other side, and the back of the helmet held a stone imitation of an oversized plume.
This was possibly the most ridiculous and impractical armour I had ever seen. I thought that the metal of my own armour was heavy, but a mere hollow shouldn't have even been able to move in that. In fact, I was fairly sure that most living earth ponies couldn't have moved in that. Wearing it must've felt like being encased in a block of cement.
"Um..."
While I stood there, staring, the hollow yanked at one of its chains with a hoof. I noticed that the particular chain it was pulling was not decorative, but instead trailed away to behind the counter. The other end was tied to a huge boulder that I hadn't seen in the darkness. I had no idea what this stone hollow was doing here, but it looked like somebody had tried to restrain it in a very unconventional manner.
"...Uh..."
Then it added a second hoof to the effort, and to my utter bewilderment, it pulled with enough force to lift the boulder off the ground and send it flying across the room towards me. I realised all too late that I'd been wrong. The chained boulder was not a means of restraint. It was a flail.
"...Oh."
The boulder slammed into my face.
When I awoke, my face was aching, and my neck hurt like hell. I groaned and tried to sit up, and nearly slipped and fell until I caught my balance. I was on some kind of slope all of a sudden. I looked down and found straw beneath my hooves, and a street further below me. I was on a roof. And then I noticed that I was also naked aside from my helmet.
"...What?"
I removed my helmet by hoof and inspected myself, the aching just beginning to die away. My armour was gone. Weapon and saddlebags too. For a moment, I thought I had been robbed, until I looked in front of me.
I was opposite the gingerbread house. There was a hole in the outer wall now where the window had once been. A whole pile of dead hollows littered the ground near the house, but the black knight was up and walking again already, and had retrieved its halberd too. Wonderful. It was just standing there right now, seemingly staring up at me, not that I could tell with its face covered by that demonic-looking helmet.
Then I noticed something. It was slightly obscured in shadow, but if I squinted, I could just about make it out inside the gingerbread house, beyond the hole in the wall. It was a dead pony, wearing armour that looked a lot like my set. My eyes widened, and I slowly looked down at my helmet.
"...Oh sweet Celestia..." I whispered, placing a hoof on my neck.
Well, if nothing else, at least I could say I'd learned another lesson from this: undead regenerate from the head, not the largest piece, like one would assume. So now I knew to never let myself get decapitated again; apparently a disembodied head could end up in some odd places.
I stood up and climbed back to the top of the roof, where I could sit down without feeling like I would slide off at any second.
Holding my helmet by my side, I stared down at the black knight, who still hadn't moved since I had awoken. It had been difficult enough to kill it the first time, and now I had to do it again to get back to my body and retrieve my gear. I had only made it this far in the first place because regular hollows without halberds or boulder-flails couldn't harm me through it. With no armour, I could possibly get killed by another mob. I could get bitten to death. And that wasn't even accounting for the stone hollow, who was probably still around.
Well, at least I'm safe up here for now.
Just as that thought crossed my mind, the stone hollow reappeared, emerging from the gingerbread house with blood splattered all over its armour. Mine, no doubt. It dragged its boulder behind it as it slowly walked towards the house I was on. Even for as far away from it and high up as I was, my heart rate still picked up.
The stone hollow came closer, and then swung its flail overhead. I quickly realised that I had been mistaken in my assumption that I was safe up here. The chain was long enough that the boulder flew right over the roof and would have crashed on top of me had I not leapt away at the last second. I yelped, and landed over on the very edge of the roof. The boulder sunk straight through the straw and into the house. Then the stone hollow pulled on its chain and ripped the entire front wall off the building. I made a second leap across a small gap and onto another rooftop, half-expecting the whole structure to collapse behind me.
"How?" I screamed at the stone hollow. "How are you doing this?"
Well, I wasn't going to let this monster kill me for a second time. It was strong for a hollow. Damn strong. But it was still a hollow, and hollows are stupid. And I was still a unicorn.
First, I reached out with my magic and gripped its helmet, lifting it off and exposing its head. Next, I tossed the helmet away as far as I could, and the hollow neither noticed nor cared. Underneath, it was just as old and grey as any other hollow in Ponyville, with the notable exception that it still had a few faded streaks of mauve in what was left of its mane. Step one was complete. Now for step two, which was to stab this hollow in the face.
I remembered all too late that I didn't have my sword anymore. While I was fumbling around and trying to find a replacement weapon, the stone hollow swung again. I barely dodged this time, and fell through into the building when the boulder crashed through the roof again. I landed in a dusty kitchen, and the boulder shot up towards the ceiling as the stone hollow pulled it back. At least it didn't bring down the front wall this time. I was relatively protected.
Seconds after I thought this, the boulder punched through the front wall and struck me in the flank, knocking me down and crushing my back legs against the floor. I screamed. The boulder rolled off me, and then was pulled back through the hole in the wall. I kept wailing to myself, until the stone hollow smashed down the door and walked in. My screams intensified. It stared at me with its empty, dead eyes as it coiled its hooves around the chains and prepared to finish me.
I looked around frantically, and my eyes narrowed in on a kitchen knife on a nearby countertop. It wouldn't have been my go-to choice, but thinking on my hooves, it was the best option. I reached out with my magic and grabbed it, and before the stone hollow could take its chance, I buried the knife straight in its forehead. It stopped mid-strike.
The thing started writhing, as if in pain, but it made no sound. All the while, its neutral expression was completely unwavering. It was unsettling to behold. No other hollow had reacted this way. They all made noise as they died, even if it was just a mindless, guttural groan. Yet this one was silent.
Finally, it dropped dead in a heap, half-landing on my already injured back legs. I winced, and then sighed as I pulled myself out from under it. That whole debacle had gone terribly, but at least I'd dealt with one problem.
I began trying to crawl my way out of the kitchen. I knew that my legs would heal if I died again, but at this point, I'd died enough times that my next death would almost certainly leave me hollow. Carrot Cake looked like he had been undead for a long time, and he willingly chose to live blind and in a wheelchair rather take the quick and easy option. I'd probably have to make a similar choice in the future, if I was able to get to a safe place away from these hollows first, because they would certainly take the choice out of my hooves.
Hoofsteps reverberated through the ground, accompanied by a clanking sound that I had come to dread. I looked up just in time to see the black knight coming through the front door of the house, halberd raised. It jumped into the air and slammed its weapon down, sinking it straight into my gut. This time, I resisted screaming, even though I wanted to. I held my mouth shut. Just once, I wanted to die with some grace.
The phantom pain almost wasn't even worth noting anymore. I was becoming used to it by now. For most ordinary ponies, I imagined that losing a limb was about the worst pain they could ever reasonably expect to go through in their lifetimes. I, on the other hoof, had already experienced multiple violent deaths in the span of two days, and the shock of it was fading already. When life is constant torture, one gains a higher pain threshold, I suppose.
I groused to myself as I tried to stand. I was right about my legs healing, even if they still hurt. That was a plus. I wasn't crippled anymore. And I also had somehow avoided hollowing yet again. I wasn't sure how I was doing it, but I wasn't complaining.
"Right..." I muttered, looking around the kitchen. "Now wh—"
A metal spike plunged through the back of my neck and burst out of my throat. I immediately began choking and pawing at my wound. The black knight lifted me into the air by the tip of its halberd, and slammed me down on the floor as it stood over me. I didn't even try to move my body, but my eyes rolled up to look at it. It still wore its helmet, so I couldn't see its face, but I imagined that it was mocking me. This death was almost more frustrating than painful. I didn't even have a chance this time.
Urgh...
And then the stone hollow rushed in and swung its boulder-flail at me again.
Optimists are morons.
This time, I wasted no time grumbling about throat pain or trying to get my bearings. As soon as I was awake again, my eyes shot open, I forced myself up, and I was already making a break for the door. I ran outside to find the gingerbread house looming in front of me, and bolted for it. My memory was a little fuzzy at this point, but I vaguely recalled seeing what might have been my own corpse somewhere in there, so that was probably where my sword was.
A smashing noise came from behind me, but I kept running and didn't look back. I made it to the hole in the wall before anything bad happened, and reached out to grab my sword as soon as I saw it. To my dismay, my magic didn't respond. I had so little soul left that even basic telekinesis was beyond me now. Great.
But that wasn't stopping me. I kept running until I reached my sword, and then in one swift motion, I leaned down and grabbed the handle by mouth, lifting it with the strength of my jaw alone. It was much heavier than I was expecting, and I struggled, but I managed to twist myself around to face my foes without dropping it. The black knight and that stone monstrosity were charging straight towards me, and I had seconds to react.
With all my strength, I lifted my sword to meet the black knight's halberd as it came towards me. The strength of its swing knocked the sword out of my mouth and hurt my teeth, but my block was successful; the halberd itself did not strike me. I ignored the pain in my teeth and lunged forward, tackling the black knight to the ground, just as the stone hollow swung at me and missed. The black knight dropped its halberd and floundered beneath me, and I seized my opportunity. I grabbed its helmet by both hooves and tore it off...
...Revealing a bare equine skull underneath.
"...But...!" I protested. "How can...? And with the...? Huh?"
While I was busy babbling, the boulder slammed into me and threw me against the wall of the gingerbread house. I crumpled and curled up into a wheezing ball, no longer able to breathe due to my lungs being crushed. I writhed in agony, slowly suffocating to death, and directed a silent prayer to the gods.
Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight, Discord, any damn god that can hear me... All of you are bastards!
I was up again, incredibly, and still not hollow. Every time I died and came back, it felt like this next life would be my last, and every time I found the resilience to keep hold of my sanity. I resolved to not waste this chance. This was it. I was going to kill both of these wretched creatures right here and right now.
I had just barely climbed to my hooves when I saw the boulder coming towards me out of the corner of my eye. Without my armour on, I felt as light as a feather, and I leapt aside out of its way. I rolled across the ground and stood up again, and then I looked for my sword and dashed towards it. Again I picked it up by mouth, but I didn't bother trying to lift the whole thing this time, instead choosing to drag it behind as I dashed towards the stone hollow. The blade scraped against the ground, scratching a long, thin trail into the stone.
The black knight, skull still exposed, rushed at me from the side. At the same time, the stone hollow swung the flail again. I narrowly dodged between both, and the chains caught around the black knight as it tried to grab for me. I grinned around the sword handle, and ran the rest of the way up to the stone hollow, before maneuvering behind it. With all the strength I could muster, I lifted my sword and embedded it in its neck.
I wasn't strong enough to make a clean cut through bone with a full-sized broadsword by mouth, but that was definitely a mortal wound I had inflicted. The hollow collapsed, pawing at its own neck as it bled over the ground. The black knight, still tangled in the flail's chain, was pulled over with it, and dropped its halberd yet again. Acting quickly, I pulled my sword from the stone hollow's neck and marched over to the black knight while it was still on the ground.
"Alright, Mr. Bones, I don't know how you can even exist, but I've seen you die once. So let's see if you can pull off a repeat performance!"
My forelegs being stronger than my neck, I wrapped both hooves around the hilt of my sword. With barely any magic left in me, that form of tactile telekinesis unique to hooved creatures did not come easy, but I summoned enough to lift it and bring it down on the black knight's bare skull. It shattered into tiny shards of bone under the force of the blow, which flew in all directions, one chip even flying past my face and leaving a small cut. The black knight's body stopped moving, and it slumped to the ground.
I turned back to the stone hollow, and found that it had also gone still. I dropped my sword and fell to my knees, tilting my head back to look at the sky. The blue sky of rising day that had been up there before had now been replaced by setting day's burnt orange hues. I'd lost a whole day being dead. My eyes watered, and the corner of my mouth twitched. Then I started chuckling. Chuckling became giggling, and giggling became uproarious, maniacal laughter. I rolled around in the dirt on my back, crying and laughing for at least five minutes straight.
I couldn't help it. Victory just felt too good.
When I finally stopped laughing and recovered my senses, the panic set in, as I had no idea how long it would be before either of the hollows I had just defeated came back to life. In the interest of safety, I did the only rational thing I could think of. I stripped the bodies.
Piece by piece, I removed all of the bulky armour from the stone hollow, detaching the chain of the boulder-flail in the process, and left them in a big pile. Underneath, the stone hollow was just an earth pony mare, wrinkled with age, though decidedly not frail. I still wasn't sure how it was so strong. Yes, such strength was theoretically possible for an earth pony, but only with magic. Hollows don't have magic. Or at least, they usually don't. This one seemed to be an exception.
Then I pulled off the black knight's armour as well. Sure enough, it wasn't just the head that was skinless. Underneath the armour, the black knight really was just a skeleton. I still had absolutely no idea how this was so, but there was no sense in wasting time pondering questions that I had no answers for.
As I worked, the skull was already beginning to reform. It was slow going, but the pieces of bone nearest to the spine were visibly being pulled back together, and some chips of bone also seemed to be growing in size. This was the resurrection in progress. In less than an hour, the skeleton would regain... animate-ness, I guessed.
Either way, when these two came back, I wanted them both as far away from their weapons and armour as possible. I decapitated the stone hollow's corpse just to be safe, and stomped on the black knight's skull a few times for good measure. Then I took both the head and the skeleton into the house that I'd fallen into before.
There really was no easy way to dispose of the undead, I soon realised, but I could trap them. The skeleton was easy. It wasn't super strong like the hollow was, so I just shoved its bones underneath a heavy-looking bed. That, I hoped, would be enough to weigh it down for however long that bed remained there.
As for the hollow, that would be trickier. When I came across the bathroom, I considered flushing the head down the toilet, but it looked too big for that. And tying or weighing it down wasn't an option, because it was far too strong. So where could I leave it?
That's when I had the idea to trap the hollow in an attic. Not the attic of this house, definitely, because there was a hole in both the roof and floor of it from where the boulder came through. But in the next house over, I found an attic with only one entrance. I tossed the head inside and closed the hatch behind it, and breathed an easy sigh.
Sure, the hollow could escape easily if it wanted to, but the same was true of its original prison. By keeping it in a dark and quiet place with no outside stimulus, it would hopefully just wander about aimlessly in there forever. So long as no more fools like me came along to disturb it, that hollow would not be a danger anymore. In time, maybe it would even run out the last of its magic and stop being so strong.
I headed back outside, and regarded the pile of armour pieces left from my conquests. The stone armour was definitely useless to me, and probably also to every other person I'd ever meet, but I really didn't want to leave it out here. The gems in the chains at least looked valuable, or so I thought at first, but upon closer inspection, I found that they were actually pieces of rock candy. Yet another bizarre mystery that I didn't expect I'd find answers for anytime soon.
As for the black knight's armour, while it was damaged in the fight, it did look to be in good enough condition for further use... only it was still several sizes too big for me. In fact, it was too big for ordinary ponies in general. It was literally horse-sized. Only the halberd looked like it could be of use to me, but I didn't know how to use a halberd any more than I did a sword, and halberds are generally also heavier than swords.
While I was very disappointed by the prospect, it seemed like the best I could do with all this stuff would be to hide it away somewhere. I went back into the house and searched around for some kind of container. I eventually found a large toy chest in a foal's bedroom, which I emptied out and dragged outside before I could allow myself to get sad. Once I'd packed everything into the chest, I then pushed it back into the house and stuffed it in the fireplace. Some treasure hunter could come along and stumble across that later, and I'm sure they'd be very happy about it.
Finally, once all my other business was concluded, I went back over to the gingerbread house, and confronted the ugly sight of my own headless corpse.
I winced looking at it. Dried blood covered the floor, and there was an unmistakably foul smell coming from within the armour. I knew what happened to dead bodies, and this was not a reality I wanted to confront right now, but there it was. Slowly, reluctantly, I began stripping the armour pieces off my body, expecting to find them soiled.
Surprisingly, this was not the case. My corpse had definitely done things that corpses are known to do, but none of the... fluids... were stuck to the inside of the armour. I thought back to how I first found it, particularly how the surcoat was still in good condition despite the knight inside having rotted away to a skeleton already. Perhaps there was some sort of enchantment on the armour? Some kind of cleaning spell, maybe? Such a thing would certainly be more efficient for a powerful unicorn knight than having a squire do it for them.
I shrugged, and began suiting up. Minutes later, all my gear was back in place, shield and saddlebags included. I still couldn't use my magic, so I kept my visor up for the moment. That way, I could use my mouth if I needed to swing my sword again. I was not going to enjoy fighting in this style. The sword was designed with a mouth-grip, yes, but wielding a sword by mouth in the first place just felt wrong. A sword was simply not a good weapon for a magicless pony. I needed to get my magic back fast. Somehow. Maybe I could buy a new soul from a changeling, if I found one?
That taken care of, I stared down at my now naked corpse. Still headless. Still rotting. The cutie mark had disappeared from its flank, as had the darksign.
I really had no idea how to feel about this. I was alive, so it wasn't like I felt the need to mourn myself, but I just looked so... undignified. Before I was undead, I always expected I'd have a respectful funeral when I died. My loved ones would come together to remember me and say nice things, and my body would be cremated, so that my ashes could be scattered somewhere. And here was my body now, headless and stinking, a million miles from home, on the floor of a... what was this, anyway? A bakery?
And all that didn't even compare to what would happen now that I was undead. I wouldn't ever have a funeral now. My ashes could never be scattered. No matter how many times I died, I would keep on walking, whether as a person or as a hollow. Nobody mourns for hollows. They just dispose of them in really odd ways.
Then it hit me.
Ohhhh...! Of course! That's why they dissolve undead! Because if you try to cremate them, they come back as skeletons!
I smiled for a moment, congratulating myself for figuring out the mystery of the black knight so quickly. Then my smile abruptly turned into a frown.
Wait... How does that work? Why does the undead curse heal injuries, but not regrow flesh on skeletons?
My brow knit, and I stared into the space in front of me. It was beginning to dawn on me now just how little I really understood about the curse and how it worked. Undead were such a ubiquitous part of life that I just didn't think about them usually. But now that I was one, my ignorance was fast becoming a real obstacle.
As an undead, I had no idea what I was capable of, or what would affect me and how. Could I retain consciousness as a skeleton? If my soul is always with me when I come back, then where exactly in the body does the soul reside? Could the curse accidentally clone me and create a second Firelink if I was dismembered in a certain way? And would both Firelinks have a soul? What is a soul anyway? I had no answers to any of these questions, and that frightened me.
I shook my head vigorously and turned away from my body. These were not things I wanted to think about. Thinking about these things was dangerous. I was upsetting myself, and that could easily lead to despair, and thus to hollowing. I did not just endure seven deaths only to go hollow from confusion, so I filed my questions away alongside Notch and my grandfather as things I never wanted to think about again if I could help it.
I was done here, I decided. My business was concluded, and it was high time I got back to my journey. Sweet Apple Acres awaited me.
I didn't look back after I left the area around the gingerbread house. I only looked forwards, at the streets before me, searching for signs of Sir Penance's party and the promised trail of dead hollows. But down one particular residential street, just like any other, I happened to look upwards instead, and spotted a lone equine figure sitting on one of the straw-thatched rooftops.
The pony was encased in plain iron armour, and wore a bucket-like helmet that had only a small slit to see out of, and a hole at the top for the pony's horn. A great helm, I believed was the term. But there was one detail that was especially noticeable about them – the white surcoat which covered the main body of their armour, a symbol of a red and yellow sun emblazoned upon it.
I stared up at this mysterious sun-pony, until they slowly looked my way and raised a hoof to wave at me. I tentatively waved back, and the pony beckoned for me to come over.
As I came closer, they gestured to the side of the house, where I found a ladder waiting for me. I climbed up onto the straw roof, feeling no small amount of tension as I slowly moved over to sit next to the new pony. We both sat facing the setting day sun, which lingered on the horizon in the distance, but we were each looking at the other instead.
"Um... hello?" I said.
"Hello," the pony replied with a female voice. "You don't look hollow. Far from it."
There was something really casual about her tone. It was very easygoing, but I was much too tense to reply in kind. I was simply quiet. As if sensing my unease, the mare floated off her helmet to reveal her face.
To call her radiant would be an understatement. Her coat was a light amber, and her long, shimmering mane was two tones of red and brilliant yellow, the same colours as the sun symbol on her armour. She looked at me with light blue eyes that had an unmistakable sparkle to them, and her smile was so warm it could have melted butter. My cheeks burned just looking at her.
"My name is Sunset Shimmer," she said. "Well, officially, Sir Lady Sunset Shimmer. Don't laugh. What's your name?"
"I... uh... F-Firelink," I stammered out. "Firelink Soul of Brittlesworth. No titles."
She stifled a laugh, and levitated a small glass flask of yellow liquid in front of me.
"Want some?"
Lacking magic of my own, I reached out to hold it with my hooves.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Estus," she replied, smiling at me. "Distilled sunlight. Try it."
"...What does it do?"
Sunset tilted her head, and her smile became wry. "It's a drink."
Ask a stupid question...
I held it to my lips and drained the flask in one gulp. The estus was like nothing I'd ever tasted before. It was warm, like tea, but it wasn't just warm in my mouth. Its warmth spread through my whole body, like I'd just been sitting by a fireside for an hour. And the taste. I didn't even have another point of reference to compare it to. The texture reminded me of creamy soup, but the flavour was sweet, like frosting. It was the strangest thing I'd ever tasted, but it wasn't unpleasant.
I stared down at the empty flask once I was done.
"Wow. That's... unique. Thank you."
I passed the flask back to Sunset, who chuckled as she took it.
"And not easy to brew," she said. "But worth it, I think."
I didn't want to make things awkward by staring at her and saying nothing, so I looked back to the horizon instead, at the setting sun.
"So... are you just up here to gaze at the sun?" I asked.
"Hmm. I suppose so. I like to watch it sometimes; it's really beautiful. The world has gone wrong in so many ways, but the one thing I'm always thankful for is how much time we have now to watch sunsets. Heh. Not to sound narcissistic."
Something about her good mood was infectious, because soon I was smiling as well.
"Maybe I'll stay a while to watch it with you," I said. "It's been a long day..."
"I will stay behind, to gaze at the sun. The sun is a wondrous body. Like a magnificent father! If only I could be so grossly incandescent!"