//------------------------------//
// Episode 1: Hoof Amputation 
// Story: Awkward surgeons 
// by ThePonyOfEntertainment 
//------------------------------//

                                                                         Episode 1: Hoof Amputation

In an alternate universe, somewhere out there, Derpy is actually a surgeon... Well a shitty surgeon. After being dropped on the head as a foal, the surgeon that patched her up, also known as Alpha Cure Mom.... Yup some pretty weird name huh.. Well back to the story, He patched her up (Super glued her skull back intact).  That's probably why shes retarded, Anywho.... Derpy is now a hobo that pretends to be a surgeon and actually gets away with it! Surprising but she actually gets paid at a minimum wage without the other ponies knowing about her uneducation.

Hospital Dandelion

"Today is a special day" Derpy had screamed, "today is the day I finally do a hoof amputation, but that's not the big deal! Today is the day I eat at Buffalo Hooves and Rings." She glared at the painting of a donut nailed to her office wall while saying the following. She then looked to her desktop on her mahogany desk and opened up with her cheap, plastic mouse-Cookie Clicker (A game where you click cookies).  Out of nowhere, her only friend, which was Tofu, well atleast that's what Derpy calls her. "Tofu's" real name is Sunny Glimmer. Sunny Glimmer was starting to be concerned about Derpy, She'd randomly hear Derpy talking to herself and Derpy would always call her Tofu.

Derpy waved to Sunny and wailed "Wassup Tofu!" 

Sunny responded, losing patience "For the bazillionth time, MY NAME IS NOT TOFU!"

Derpy said in a wonderous way "Tofu, what do you have against Brazilians?" Sunny didn't even bother to show any care of Derpys dialogue and just ignored her idiotic sense of behavior.

Sunny claimed with tolerance "Well stop playing your dumb game and go on with the hoof amputation." "And whats with all the garbage on these tiles, this floor used to look so squeaky clean before you came along." Sunny uttered in disgust while looking at the soda can filled walkway.

Derpy spoke "I bet the way you look at this floor is the same way when you look in the mirror! Derpy had roasted Sunny, her ass was deep fried!

Sunny didn't care and just told Derpy to follow her. Sunny had lead Derpy to the patients room, where a comfy bed with railings draped downward. Can you guess who was in that bed, your probably thinking it is Derpy's mother, but you're so wrong! It was.. Alpha Cure.... Alpha Cure Dad! 

Derpy said nervously, "this is gonna hurt you more than it is gonna hurt you" Alpha Cure Dad looked at Derpy in Confuddlement, and was quite scared, he thought that Derpy was gonna amputate his nose rather than his right hoof. 

Trying to calm himself down, Sunny whispered to him "Don't mind her, I think her mother was smoking weed while she was pregnant!"

"That didn't help at all! Jeesh that makes me more worried!" Alpha Cure Dad had secretly sounded to Sunny.

"Our you ponies talking about my ear, I really don't like it when you talk about my ear!" Derpy had rumored suspiciously.

Sunny commanded "Derpy inject anesthesia"

Derpy had asked Sunny " Anesthesia is the thing that makes you feel no pain... Right?"

Sunny than had announced with relief "Thank goodness you know what Anesthesia is!"

Derpy than closed the curtains of the room and clopped through the slippery tiles of the room and lunged on Alpha Cure Dad. Alpha responded to Derpy's actions and expressed in fright " Wha- what are you d-!" The cat had caught his tongue once Derpy slammed her hoof into the left half of his face. 

Derpy had screamed in a panicky tone "Damnit, that's not how you do it!" 

Sunny said with a piercing voice "Dumbass! Use the syringe"

Derpy then gazed at Sunny galloping towards her, Derpy then exclaimed in confidence "Tofu, did you even go to medical school?" Sunny just face-hooved, after Sunny took her hoof off of her face, She had saw Derpy turning her body to the right and raising her hoof. Sunny tried to force Derpy off of the patient, but it was to late! Derpy, trying to teach Sunny something new, stated "You just gotta put your back into it"

Alpha Cure Dad prepared for the punch and just untroubly muttered "Goodbye cruel Equestri-!" Alpha was unable to finish his sentence due to Derpy knocking him the f##k out! Derpy normally hopped off of the bed looking at Sunny.

Derpy curiously asked "Whats on your mind Tofu?"

Sunny replied with sarcasm and her dropping jaw "Oh nothing, you just knocked the patient the f##k out! I'm telling Doctor Slieza"

Derpy than reached for a scalpel from the workspace table, and put it towards Sunny's throat. Sunny tried to escape, but Derpy had pinned Sunny to the wall and softly said "You're gonna tell Doctor Slieza that you tripped on a pebble and accidentally headbutt Alpha!"

Sunny had stuttered "Uh-okay... Wait, that's not a good reason!

Derpy had said in confusion "What are you talking about! That's the perfect reason, wait, he's coming!" Derpy than hastefully retracted the knife and put it back on the workspace where it was first retrieved from.

Doctor Slieza had pushed aside the curtains to enter the room, and had saw Alpha with a excruciating, painful, black eye. He had curiously asked "Why does the patient have a black eye"

Sunny than responded to Slieza with doubt "Well.. You see, I tripped on a pebble and accidentally headbutt him.

Doctor Slieza than looked at Sunny with his eyes widening, he had then responded with energy "Oh!!! That makes perfect sense!" Derpy than confronted Sunny with a wink of the left eye.

Derpy moving her lips, but not making any sound whatsoever, pronounced "Told ya so!" 


Slieza than announced "Well you ponies know what the drill is!"

Sunny than answered in confidence "Of course! First we must make incisions on the flesh so we can reach the bone, than we can laser the bone off.

Slieza looked into Sunny's pupils like she was a dumbass and said the following "Hell nah! We just chop the thing off with a kitchen knife!"

Sunny than asked with a smart remark "Yeah because ya know... Doctors have kitchen knives..."

Slieza faced away from Sunny Glimmer and reached into the pocket of his scrubs, he then pulled out a kitchen knife and quickly faced Sunny yet again. Doctor Slieza agreed with Sunny, not knowing she was hinting sarcasm and told her "A good doctor always brings a kitchen knife!"

Derpy closed her eyes and reputed "Finally, a pony that makes sense"

Slieza than put his attention towards Derpy and asked "Do you know the next thing to do?"

Derpy than said with a smile "You gotta use the potato peeler to peel the flesh off!"

Slieza than perambulated towards Derpy and gave her a pat on her mane and mummered  "Atleast you know!"

Sunny than tried to vocalize "Bu- But!"

With anger, Slieza shut her up by saying "Derpy and I are professionals, shut your mouth and watch as we do this procedure!"

Slieza pulled out a potato peeler from the same pocket he got his kitchen knife from and screamed the following "TA DAH!" 

Sunny than asked Doctor Slieza following with a sigh "So, first we're gonna cut the hoof off and then peel the flesh off..?

Doctor Slieza replied to her comment as fast as lightning "No, I said we peel the flesh off with a potato peeler first! Then we chop the bone off with the kitchen knife!

Sunny replied in a furious state of being ganged up on, making the following words "No you didn't, you screwed the steps up than fixed them to look innocent!" Sunny than thought to herself about what she was dealing with "Ah lets see! A senile and a dumbass!"

Derpy than swapped the potato peeler out of Doctor Slieza's hoof and started to peel off the necrotic flesh of Alpha Cure Dad's right hoof. Peeling "carefully" whilst looking at the low quality, white painted wall and thought to herself "What is my favorite type of ice cream?" While thinking that subject to herself, Alpha Cure Dad woke up and started screaming in excruciating pain! Derpy faced Alpha and shouted "Shut up! I'm trying to think about something!" Alpha had fainted from all the pain. Derpy had then de-fleshed Alpha's necrotic hoof. 

Doctor Slieza went up to the patient, but Sunny was in the way.. So you know what Slieza did! No he didn't push her, HE PUNCHED HER! He had jammed his hoof straight into her nose, making her fall onto the hard, cold floor. Slieza pointed and laughed saying "HAHAHA....... Look at that lady bug on the floor. No really look Sunny, there is a lady bug near your broken nose!

Sunny than planted her face on the ground and said in a careless tone "Really... A ladybug, out of everything to laugh about, you chose a ladybug?"

Slieza refused to acknowledge Sunny Glimmer and popped in earbuds attached to his MP3 player and played the following song while preparing to cut the bone with the kitchen knife.






Sileza did a countdown "3, 2, 1" and then he screamed a battle cry after the first hit on the bone! Chopping it left and right, putting lots of force into his hits. Sunny leaning on the wall, glanced at Doctor Sileza chopping the bone. Sileza finally did a power hit to split the bone. "There ya go!" Sileza said while leaning in on the bone. Sileza than focused on Sunny and spoke "Are you ready to finally work!"

Sunny walked up to the severed hand and started stitching it up, sewing the skin together to cover the wound. Derpy crouched near the marble tiles where she could see her own reflection and picked up the necrotic hoof bone, She then excitedly whispered to herself "A new backscratcher!"

"What was that Derpy?" Sunny asked Derpy after hearing her forename something.

"Nothing... Nothing at all... Tofu.." Derpy replied back to Sunny with her question.

It was all over, Sileza left his hoof open for a high hoof. Derpy had high hooved him, Sunny Glimmer also longed for a high five, so she raised her hoof high for a high hoof "Hey don't leave me hanging here ponies!"

Sileza looked to the ground in embarrassment and just yelled "NO... GOD NO PLEASE NO!!!! JUST NO!!!"

Aftermath

Alpha Cure Dad woke up 3 hours later after the surgery. He went back home and commented about Hospital Dandelion, he said it was the shittiest hospital on planet Equestria and gave Derpy a 1 star ratings out of 5. Later that night, Derpy snuck into his wooden cabin and brutally stabbed the pony 7 times in the pancreas. Blinded by rage, she spat on his lifeless body's eye. When the police arrived due to hearing screaming because of the stabbing, Derpy fled the area!





The End!