//------------------------------// // The Mares in Pink // Story: The Equestria They Don't Want You To Know: Lyra's Guide to Conspiracies and Secrets // by TooShyShy //------------------------------// Who are these mysterious ponies who slink around in the darkness, abducting the non-believers, erasing memories, and leaving insulting notes on the undersides of apple carts? Very little is known about the “Mares in Pink” and their activities. Their organization, run by Princess Luna, is almost completely shrouded in mystery. One thing we know for sure: They're even more dangerous than the princesses! Anypony known by you, your friends, or your family could be an agent of the mysterious Mares in Pink! What we do know about the Mares in Pink: They were first employed by Clover the Clever to track down her runaway coltfriend They dress in flamboyant pink suits and matching pink sunglasses They carry around miniature cannons filled with glitter to incapacitate their targets We also know at least three ponies who have been abducted by the Mares in Pink! Luckily, despite the risk, they were nice enough to share their stories with us! Derpy Hooves (Pegasus) Statement: “I was doing my Weather Patrol duties like I'm supposed to. Or at least trying to. I kept bumping into houses and things while I was trying to move the clouds. I do that a lot. But after about ten minutes, I remembered that I'd left a batch of daffodil cookies in the oven. I started flying back to my house as fast as I could. On my way there, I happened to notice Princess Celestia talking to a mare I didn't recognize. At least, I think that's what I saw. I hit my head pretty hard. Anyway, Princess Celestia suddenly reared up on her hind legs. Her horn started to glow and the eyes of the mare went all glassy. There was a blinding flash of light. When the light faded, the mare was walking away with a dazed expression, like she didn't know where she was. Princess Celestia was smiling. I didn't know what I had seen, but I flew away as fast as I could. When I got back home, I discovered that I hadn't left the oven on and the cookie batter was still in the bowl. I went back to work and finished my duties for the day. I returned home late at night and went to bed almost immediately. I woke up to the sound of glass smashing. I went into the living room with a baseball bat to investigate, bumping into a bunch of stuff on the way. I saw three silhouettes near the window. I can't be sure, because it was dark, I was half-asleep, and I'd hit my head about five times on the way there, but I think they were wearing pink sunglasses. I charged at them with my bat, but I accidentally ran into a wall and hit my head again. I was unconscious until morning. When I woke up, nopony was there.” Scootaloo (Pegasus) Statement: “I was trying out a neat flying trick I saw Rainbow Dash do the other day when I saw them. Well, not a “them”. It was just one pink pony. You know the one I'm talking about, right? Pinkie Pie, the party planner. Well, she was acting weird when I saw her. I mean really weird. Her ear was twitching and she kept making creepy faces. And her hair was straight, instead of poofy. I thought she was talking to somepony, but when she got closer I saw that she was actually talking to a bag of flour she was dragging behind her with a rope. I was hidden in a tree, so she didn't see me. I would have yelled to her, but I had a feeling she was busy. She just sat there under the tree for who knows how long, talking to that bag of flour and laughing like it was talking back. She kept making horrible puns about baking. Finally, she got to her hooves and started to leave. She was just starting to go when three ponies appeared out of nowhere. I think they were wearing pink suits. Unfortunately, I fell out of the tree a moment later and didn't see what happened next. But when I finally managed to get up and my headache died down, I went to check on Pinkie Pie. She was still standing there, except the flour was gone and her hair was poofy again. Huh? The “Mares in Pinkie”? That's stupid!” Screw Loose (Earth Pony) Statement: “It was the Mares in Pink! The Mares in Pink put me in this place! They spread lies about me being out of my mind, just because they caught me putting make-up and a dress on my dog. What's crazy about that?! Little Pawsy loves it when I dress him up and dance with him. It's all part of our bonding! But those idiots can't see it. They want everypony to believe that the Mares in Pink are an old pony's tale. But they aren't! I've seen them! I see them everywhere! You know the guard standing outside the door? He's one of their agents! What, did you think the Mares in Pink were only mares? No, that's one of their tricks! They actually employ more stallions than mares, but they want us to think otherwise so we won't suspect. I won't be fooled, though. Every time a stallion comes up to you, you have to bark at him! Do it every time a mare comes up to you as well, just in case. The Mares in Pink have only one weakness: Dogs! I learned that the hard way. When those stupid stallions in their white coats came to take me away, I knew it was a scam. I knew too much. I'd learned their secrets, so the Mares in Pink wanted me erased! If you learn too much, they'll erase you as well! They'll put you in a crate and ship you to a remote part of Japony! It happened to my dog!” There have been more accounts, but of course most of them are nonsense. But, even though the Mares in Pink are surrounded by rumors and intrigue, the truth is obvious. They do exist and they are everywhere!