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// Yes, You're Being Watched! 
// Story: The Equestria They Don't Want You To Know:  Lyra's Guide to Conspiracies and Secrets 
// by TooShyShy 
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Is your every move being observed and documented?  Yes, it is!  Every moment of every day, you are being monitored to assure your compliance and naivety!  Step one hoof out of line and you'll be “arrested”, taken to a secure location, and brainwashed!

But how are they monitoring me?  I don't see anything suspicious!

Because the princesses are clever!  They know the first places you'll look for monitoring devices!  That's why they've chosen to conceal them in plain site, where the average citizen will never even think to look. They are monitoring you with…...the clouds!  Yes, clouds!  Those balls of fluff in the sky have actually been enchanted to act as surveillance devices!  A team of skilled operatives within the “Weather Patrol” take care to place them in optimal positions all over Equestria!  

To avoid being watched, simply follow these tips:

1.  Never go outside during a rain storm

2.  Do not leave your house unless the sky is free of clouds

3.  Never walk underneath clouds if you can help it

4.  If you must walk underneath a cloud, cover yourself completely in raspberry jam!  This will make it impossible for you to be watched!

5.  If you don't have any raspberry jam at the moment, begin making out with your own hoof!  Those monitoring you will be too embarrassed to continue!  

And never associate with anypony who is part of the “Weather Patrol”!  If you say the wrong thing while a cloud is nearby, you could find yourself whisked away!

Clouds are not the only way you're being monitored!  If you've ever received a free sample, it means that the Royal Guards are aware of your location at any given moment!  Every “free sample” in Equestria contains a microscopic camera enchanted to “implant” itself within your body as soon as you swallow the treat.  But you can easily get rid of the camera after ingesting it!  Some laxatives should do the trick!  Remember to always carry a pack of them in your saddlebags in case you're offered a free sample!

The Weather Patrol, consisting entirely of pegasi, is in reality a shadowy organization created for the purpose of yet more surveillance!  The entire idea behind it is preposterous, of course!  Whoever heard of ponies controlling the weather?  This is another lie fed to innocent schoolfillies and schoolcolts!  If you are a pegasus and you are asked to join the Weather Patrol, politely decline!