//------------------------------// // Changelings // Story: The Equestria They Don't Want You To Know: Lyra's Guide to Conspiracies and Secrets // by TooShyShy //------------------------------// Fact! The changeling invasion was merely a clever ruse to paint the princesses as enemies of the changelings! In reality, the princesses employ changelings as operatives and spies, to keep an eye on the masses! There are changelings all around us, pretending to be our neighbors, our friends, our loved ones, and even our enemies! Do not fret, noble reader! Identifying a changeling is even easier than identifying somepony under intense mind control! Is your newest friend actually a shape-changing beast in disguise? Well, do they…. Develop new/discard old interests over time? Enjoy wearing clothes on occasion? Normally go outside during the day? If any of these are true, you've almost certainly got a changeling on your hooves! Fortunately, dealing with them is quite easy. A fact no unicorn will tell you is that there is one surefire cure for any kind of deceptive magic: Tomato juice! Tomato juice melts away any type of enchantment, including the magic changelings use to disguise themselves. Always carry at least two bottles of tomato juice with you at all times. If you suspect somepony is a changeling, you have to act quickly! Throwing tomato juice in their face will reveal their true self! However, changelings are clever. Sometimes they'll be clever enough to trick everypony, including you, into believing they're real. Just to be sure, you should throw tomato juice in somepony's face prior to a greeting! But what happens if a changeling confronts you and you don't have any tomato juice? If you find yourself cornered by a pony you're certain is actually a changeling in disguise, your next-best method of defending yourself is singing! Changelings are terrified of show tunes. If you burst out into a jaunty show tune, the changeling will be completely incapacitated! In fact, if you want to be extra-safe, you should probably burst into a show tune as soon as you enter a room. This will temporarily stun any changelings in the vicinity, ensuring your safety! Fact! Dragons went extinct centuries ago. But the history books, most of which were written by changelings, don't tell you this! All dragons that exist today are actually changelings in disguise! Avoid dragons at all costs! If you're forced to associate with them, use both the tomato juice and the show tune method above. Fact! Queen Chrysalis, the queen of the Changelings, is actually Princess Celestia's lover! The two of them were married in a secret ceremony over a century ago. Chrysalis now resides in the castle, disguising herself as Princess Cadence! And what of Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard? He's under intense mind control! Avoid both of these ponies at all costs and do not believe any of the lies they print in the papers! Fact! Changelings are deathly allergic to dictionaries! Suspicious about who may or may not be a changeling? Leave a pile of dictionaries on their doorstep! Fact! Workers in the fast food industry who are dissatisfied with their jobs are most definitely changelings! When around them, use extreme caution! Do not reveal any of your secrets or ask for extra ketchup! We all know that changelings feed on love. However, their next food of choice is anger. If you ever come across somepony whose making you irrationally angry, they are definitely a changeling! Changelings will use various methods to incite anger in unsuspecting ponies, including, but not limited to: Making up obvious lies about their skills and/or parentage Combating facts with opinions Using childish insults and name-calling Ignoring all attempts at intelligent debate Never fear! As long as you keep yourself calm, that vile changeling will never use you as a source of nourishment!