“Sooo,” Wits End hummed, peering at Purple Heart from behind a book, “the Emerald Legion, huh?”
“Yes,” Purple Heart grumbled. “What of it?” The Mane Six looked up, watching the two colts with interest.
“You got a ‘seed’ from a powerful, semi-godlike creature?”
“Yeeeah...”
“And you got a legion of warriors created from said seed?”
“Yeeeah...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Where are you going with this?”
“...Are you a primarch now?”
“...WAT?! Of course not!”
“Are you suuuuure?” Wits End elongated the vowel, a smirk curving his lips.
“What’s a primarch?” Twilight asked, ever the scholar.
“A primarch,” Purple Heart growled, settling back with his book, “is one of twenty fictional beings of immense power from a fandom far darker than any you’ve seen. They are the supreme, the strongest warriors of the Imperium derived from the genes of the Emperor of Mankind. Their purpose was to be the generals and leaders of the Imperium. All but six are dead, save for several others that exist only in rumor.”
“They also don’t bounce,” Wits End piped up.
The Mane Six blinked at the sudden interruption.
“Yes,” Purple Heart ground out from between clenched teeth. “Primarchs don’t bounce.”
“Which means,” Light Patch mused, “if you don’t bounce, you’re a primarch!” The six mares stared at the grey pegasus who looked very pleased with himself. Already, they could see the gears turning within the two colts’ heads as they turned to look maniacally at their purple compatriot.
Purple Heart blanched.
“Ack! I’m not ready for everything!” he cried, standing up before making a beeline to the door.. “Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, SO MUCH NOPE!”
Purple Heart had almost made it out the door when Wits’ magic caught him.
“Nuuuuuuu~” the purple earth pony keened as he was dragged back into the room. The Mane Six did nothing but stare at what was transpiring.
“We must do this, P.H.” Wits said. “For Science. You understand.”
“Get GLaDOS then!” Purple Heart whined.
“We’re bettering ponykind Purple Heart, so don’t shoot me. ” Light Patch said, smiling like the Joker as he approached.
“Still doesn’t mean I’ll allow you to toss me out of a window just to sate your intense scientific desires!” the purple earth pony squeaked.
“Ooh, good idea. Thanks for the suggestion,” Wits chuckled, opening the window to the fourth story room. “We thank your contribution to science. Thank you for choosing the Aperture Science Magic Aided Enrichment Center.”
“Should we stop them?” Fluttershy asked softly. There was no response from the other mares as they watched Wits use his magic and Light use his strength to put Purple Heart out the window into open air. The two colts released him and the purple earth pony plummeted from view.
“Too late now,” Twilight hummed. That didn’t stop the six mares from wincing upon hearing Purple’s contact with the ground some ways below.
“Eeyup,” Wits said plainly, peaking out the window. “That’s a primarch.” He stepped away and Light Patch replaced him.
“Relax body!” Light Patch shouted after the alleged primarch.
“Carp you!” a weak voice called up.