“I wonder how the girls are doing finding Wits and Light,” Twilight wondered, looking out a tall window at the town below.
“Quit worrying,” Purple Heart sighed, rubbing his forehead with a hoof as he poured over some papers he’d decided to work on. “They’ll be fine. Wits and Light will bounce back with no problem… I think.” Twilight turned and arched an eyebrow at the hunched earth pony.
“They’re your friends, aren’t they?” she asked. “You should know them a great deal more than I would.”
Purple Heart shrugged and moved a sheaf of papers into a different pile before going back to work. “I may know them six years more than you, but remember-” another clump of papers joined the pile. “-I’ve never seen Light that bent out of shape before. Never.”
“Hmm,” the purple alicorn hummed. “What about Wits?”
“I’ve only ever seen him rant,” Purple Heart confessed, “and that’s usually for comedic value. Seldom do we ever find a reason to be legitimately pissed off with each other. So yeah. This is new to me.” Twilight nodded, peering over Purple Heart’s shoulder at the paper strewn desk.
“What are those?” she inquired. The purple earth pony harrumphed in annoyance.
“Paper work,” he growled. “Gotta go over requisition forms as well as missives, orders, reports, and a plethora of other status updates that get sent every few days. It’s what comes with leading an organization I guess.”
“Ah… Does that make Navee your secretary?”
Purple Heart nodded his head from side to side, eyes squinting. “Eh, yeah. I guess,” he allowed. “More second-in-command then secretary really. I give orders to her, she takes them to the captains, they go down the hierarchy of command, and things get done. I’m not too worried about things getting lost in translation really. I’m more concerned with the silence.”
Twilight blinked. “Silence?” she echoed. “What do you mean by that?” She stifled a giggle when Purple Heart turned to level a deadpan look on her.
“I just usurped the command of a being that clearly wants me less than healthy,” he retorted. “I wouldn't be surprised if somepony didn't like that. I may be paranoid, but I just know that my Legion will be plunged into civil dispute over who should lead. All because of a Horsus Luperall wannabe. I mean, I do have the ‘Primarch’ prestige class. All it takes will be another Primarch to dispute my command and make things go pear shaped.”
“You’ve really gotten into a conspiracy theory, haven’t you?” Twilight asked bluntly.
“Ugh.” Purple Heart rolled his eyes and went back to his paperwork. “I guess showing you Game Theory wouldn’t be smart. But come on. You have to admit that the signs are there.”
Twilight shrugged and shared a look with Rainbow Dash. They silently agreed to move to more investigating questions.
Rainbow Dash turned to Purple Heart. “So, you guys don’t get angry all that much with each other, huh? How do you manage that?”
“We laugh at each other,” the purple barbarian replied. “That, or we get angry at the same time at the same thing. We may get mad at each other over games, but that’s all in good fun, nothing serious.”
Before anything further could be said, Light Patch burst into the room and trotted over to the desk Purple Heart was using. “Any of you fine ponies need a hoof?” he asked, looking around. “I’ve got spares.” He dropped a small bag on the desk; it rolled a little and spilled the several hooves across the desk. Pinkie bounced in, trying to hold back her laughter, and Applejack just sighed.
“That’s why you gathered those hooves? Ah thought you had them for proof?” Applejack asked, not quite scowling at the grey pegasus who just grinned back.
Purple Heart, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash blinked at the hooves in confused silence. Taking a slow inhale through the nose, Purple Heart’s eyes screwed shut and his face puckered.
“Judging by the stench, I’d say these were previously attached to zombie ponies,” the purple earth pony gasped, now breathing through his mouth. Twilight and Rainbow Dash gaped.
“Zombie ponies?!” the alicorn squeaked.
“When did those become a thing?!” Rainbow Dash cried.
“Long enough for them to have a very nice rot on them,” Light Patch said, scooping them back into his bag. “Simply marvelous.”
“How can you stand that smell?” Twilight asked, using her magic to try and freshen the air.
“Allergies,” Light Patch responded simply. “I’ve barely been able to smell a thing this entire time. But yeah, there are zombies in the town now. They shuffled in while Pinkie and I were in the middle of a very important discussion.”
“Did you see Wits, Rarity, and Fluttershy by any chance?” Purple Heart choked out, blinking up at the returned trio.
“Naw, we didn’t. But we were a little busy dealing with them zombies,” Applejack replied.
“If it helps, the zombies didn’t seem to have anything else drawing their attention, so Minty and the others probably didn’t run into them,” Pinkie chirped, grabbing the zombie hoof bag and chucking it out the nearest window.
“Awwe. I was gonna make a necklace outta them,” Light Patch moaned.
“Quit your moaning,” Purple Heart grumbled, staring at his paperwork. “I’m just going to deal with this later.” As he went about collecting the papers, he shot Twilight a look. “I think Tele-Calling Wits, Rarity, and ‘Shy would be a good idea about now. To find out where they are and if they’ve run into any zombponies yet. Or zambonis for that matter...” Twilight frowned at the Purple Barbarian in confusion, but nodded in agreement.
“We should probably gather anyway,” she agreed. “What about Navee? Will she be joining us?”
“Eventually,” Purple Heart said, his papers finally pack away in a satchel. “She’ll be back with reinforcements sometime. I’ll tell her we’re moving and to contact me when she returns.” He trotted over to a window and looked up at the sky. When he didn’t move to say anything, Rainbow coughed.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asked, poking the broad earth pony in the shoulder.
“Being the leader of an organization created from myself gives me some perks,” Purple Heart responded, eyes still on the sky. “I can communicate with any ponies affected by the Emerald Seed as long as they’re within a certain area. Now shush, I’m chatting.”
“Cough cough chaos emerald cough cough cough,” Light Patch whispered.
“Shaddup!” Purple Heart hissed. “I’m not Egg Colt nor am I Sanic! Buzz off!”
“It’s Doctor Robotnik!” Light Patch snapped. “In any case, while he’s over there being mental, you might as well see what you can do about getting radio… mental…. Mentadio... Yeah, Mentadio contact with Wits End, Twilight.”
Twilight gave a nod and concentrated as she cast the spell. After a few seconds the familiar pop echoed through her head as the spell connected with Wits End, Rarity and Fluttershy. “Wits? Rarity? Fluttershy? Have you run into any zombponies?”
“WHERE IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA’S HEAVENLY HINDQUARTERS HAVE YOU BEEN?” The exclamation left a ringing in Twilight’s head. “Yeah, we’ve got zombponies! We’ve got zombponies poppin’ outta the ground like freakin’ daisies! And no, we’re not all alright, because of the aforementioned FREAKIN’ ZOMBPONIES!”
“Would you be quiet?” Rarity cut in. “Twilight, we’re in a gaudy-looking clothing boutique a few blocks north of the town square. There’s a hidden entrance to a cave that leads under the town, and some rather… unwashed masses are trying to come through.”
“They’re not friendly,” Fluttershy added in.
“I believe we should join you then, post haste,” Twilight mused.
“Only if you still want us around!” Wits cried. “I’m having horrible flashbacks involving the herding of bloated individuals!”
“Hurry please, dear,” Rarity urged. “Things are getting smelly down here.”
“They’re really not friendly,” Fluttershy pleaded.
Twilight closed the connection and looked around. “It seems our friends are in a bit of a bind.”
“Zombponies found ‘em?” Applejack inquired, receiving a nod from Twilight. “Well, guess we’d better get along now.”
“Eeyup,” Purple Heart agreed, returning from the window. “Looks like I get to try out my gauntlet.” He grinned, slipping the item on his right foreleg. “Shall we away unto the breach?”
“It sounds like time to me. Shall I strike the pose?” Light Patch asked. The mares blinked at the gray stallion in confusion. Their confusion only grew when Purple Heart responded.
“Strike the pose,” the Purple Barbarian ordered.
With a nod Light Patch twirled around one hoof shoved into the air holding onto his warhammer, his head tilted back to look just slightly up. “For friends, valor, and the right to wear fine neck wear!” he shouted before galloping out of the room. Purple Heart followed close behind, bellowing a wordless roar the top of his lungs. Twilight sighed in exasperation when Pinkie barreled away, shouting ‘CAKE’ as she went.
“I’m starting to think that in terms of randomness,” Twilight groaned, breaking into a canter while Rainbow and Applejack followed shortly behind her, “Light, Purple, and Wits somehow match Discord.”
“They’re still dumber than bricks though,” Applejack pointed out.
“But we love them,” Rainbow Dash snickered. “Sometimes...” The three mares chortled in amusement as they left the town center, turning north to follow after the three crazy ponies and to save the rest of their friends.
* * *
Just Duty put down the piece of armor he’d finished polishing and moved to the next. He could have been done with this hours ago, but any excuse to be away from them. A small bitter laugh escaped his lips as he thought about his ‘companions.’ Bael, a demon: the one thing paladins dreamed of vanquishing; beings of evil, of hate, of greed and every other sin. And yet, of the two, he was the one he could stand the longest. Perhaps because all of his hate, his being, and everything was focused on just one pony. Holdfast was a tyrant in the making, and Just Duty was sure that his hasty departure from the capital that night had something to do with it. He despised his cold and uncaring ways; the alien thought that power should only be used for oneself, and not others.
And yet is that not what you’re doing? a nagging voice asked from the depths of the old paladin’s mind. Are you not doing this for power that would put you on top, the king of the world as it were?
“I am not looking to become a king. I am looking to extinguish evil,” he muttered to the warped reflection in the armor he held.
Evil like the kind you work with? He snorted and began cleaning the plate. Evil that you tolerate?
“I do not tolerate them,” he murmured, dealing with a patch of rust.
Then why are they not dead? the voice asked.
“Because I need them. Despised as I am to admit it, I need them, and they need me,” he bit out. “But once the power is mine...”
You’ll stoop to their level, the voice accused.
Just Duty froze at the voice’s accusation, pain etched into his expression as he sighed before answering. “Yes… I will stoop to their level,” he replied. “I will sink to their level and stab them in the back. Destroy them with the very power they helped me acquire. I would offer Holdfast the chance to repent, but his answer is already more than apparent. But, the ends justify the means,” he replied resolutely, glaring at the warped reflection for a few moments before resuming his work.
Oh, does it now? the voice, now wearing the sound of his old mentor, asked after a short silence.
“Is that not what you taught me, Justified Means? That at times, small evils must be done for greater good? That I can never save them all, so I must save those I can. I still remember the other thing you taught me: the lesson that the rest of the order would have been furious over had they known about. You told me that not all would thank me, that not all who I help will thank me for stopping them, for saving them. Some will hate me and some will despise me. They’ll say I ruined their lives, not made it better. And that for a short while, their words might be true. But eventually it will get better,” Just Duty replied.
So removing choice is a small evil while forcing your will on others is acceptable for the greater good, the voice retorted, now mimicking Light Patch.
Just Duty squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep steadying breath. “I am removing a choice that shouldn't have been given in the first place. I am not removing the choice for a pony to be happy or live a good life,” Just Duty said, steel in his voice as he looked at the slightly warped reflection in the armor. “I am not removing the correct answer; just the wrong one,” Just Duty muttered, wiping away the last of the cleaning solution so he could begin on polishing the armor.
And your incorruptible leadership will lead us to a utopia, the voice quietly nagged. Just Duty snorted and clenched his jaw before sighing deeply.
“If there is one thing I have learned in politics, it’s that nothing is incorruptible, not even me. But if there is one thing that still sticks with me from my paladin training, is my defences against it. In time, even they shall crumble, and the tides of politics have already done their number. But yes, eventually, with time, I will fall to the corruptive influence of power. Which is why I do not plan to hold it forever; eventually the guiding of my will shall no longer be needed. Ponies- nay, all beings in creation will no longer need me to make sure they chose correctly. And at that time, I will cast away my power,” Just Duty resolutely promised to the perfect reflection in the armor he held. With a new resolve, Just Duty set down the piece of armor and moved to the next.
* * *
“I’m getting too old for this.” Wits bashed yet another zombpony in the jaw with the butt of his lance, knocking it back into the cavern. What had started as a trickle of undead had turned into a wave as the three ponies held their position. A large ex-earth pony stumbled over the makeshift barricade of clothing racks, breaking a hole open in the process. With a groan, Wits swung the shaft of his weapon like a bat, forcing the redead away. “Rarity! More barriers, if you please!”
Another amalgam of wood slid into place, secured in place by ropes made of torn clothing. “This is hardly easy for me, you know,” Rarity said, tying together another barrier. “What could possibly be taking them so long?”
“Maybe one of them got jockey’d,” Wits muttered. He glanced back to check on the state of the shop. They were running out of materials to slow the advancing horde; all that was left were piles of clothing. Neatly folded piles of clothing… “Are you saving those clothes?”
“Even in a place like this, there’s still some diamonds in the rough.” Rarity flipped her mane, setting another folded dress aside. “I plan on keeping these for later.”
“We’re running out of later!” the mint-colored unicorn exclaimed, his voice squeaking in exasperation. “Fluttershy, please tell me you have good news!”
Fluttershy was stationed just outside the door. She had two jobs. One was to keep an eye out for the rest of the party, which would be considered good news. The other was to keep an eye out for more zombified ponies. That would not be considered good news. One of her summoned birds came to land in front of her, peeping excitedly. “They’ve seen something!” Fluttershy translated.
“Is it them?”
Another round of peeping. “Several ponies, close by.” The pegasus frowned. “He says two of them were shouting at the top of their lungs,” Fluttershy said. “What does ‘waaaugh!’ mean?”
Wits sighed, backhoofing a sickly-looking pegasus. “That’s them alright.”
“WAAAAGH!” Light Patch shouted as he jumped into the front line of zombies, swinging his warhammer to knock several back. Reviving vines under the grey pegasus’ command crept from the earth to slow the lot down the undead.
“Words, motherquackers! Do you speak them?!” Purple Heart snapped, bowling through a group of zombponies. His response were several squeals of pain masking numerous groans of denial. “I didn’t think so! MEH YOU!”
“Shouldn’t that be ‘do you quack them’?” Light Patch wondered aloud as he fell back next to Wits End and Rarity. “How you three holding up? Any heals needed?”
Wits patted himself down. “Surprisingly unharmed. I know better than to get hit by a zombie, it seems.” He looked the grey pegasus over. “How about you? You over your dramas? ‘Cause we got a bit of an apocalypse to deal with.”
“We’ve go too many ponies for that kind of apocalypse, thankfully,” Purple Heart called over his shoulder as he held a considerable number of zombponies at bay with a hoof. “As for drama, I’m saving my rant for whenever we see Discord again. I’ve got a word or two to hurl at him.”
“So you could say we’ve cancelled the apocalypse?” Light Patch asked grinning like a moron.
“You could say that, yes.” Wits End turned to Twilight. “You’ve got the Area of Effect stuff. Think you could take care of that?” He waved a hoof at the wall of zombponies working their way up from the caves below.
“I can make it easier for the rest of you,” Twilight said with a nod, aiming her horn at the entrance. “Cone of Cold!” A spray of light shot forth, covering the horde with a layer of frost and slowing them to a near standstill. “If you wanted to hit them, now’s the time!”
“Don’t mind if I do!” Purple Heart cheered, kicking the last of the group he’d been warding off away. He spun around and charged for the frozen zombponies. He torqued his torso, wound up his right foreleg, and let fly.
The frozen zombponies disintegrated into minuscule shards of ice, completely pulverized from the force of the shock wave that pulsed from the gauntlet around Purple Heart’s right foreleg. The pulse continued onward, as the frozen obstacles hadn’t even lessened the strength of the physical attack. The nine ponies stared as the back of the boutique shattered, leaving bits of lumber in the pulse’s wake.
Where had once been a veritable wave of zombponies frozen in their ascent from caves below, there was now rubble and ruin.
As well as a slightly bigger cavern opening.
Purple Heart blinked, his hoof still extended in the strike he’d made. His eyes fell on the gauntlet around his right foreleg and his face went blank, almost comically so. With great deliberation, he turned around to face the dumbstruck ponies behind him. Upon seeing Purple Heart’s expression and recognizing it for what it was, Wits End groaned, placing a hoof over his face.
“Great,” he muttered. “This adventure just got a lot more difficult.”
“Why d’ya say that?” Applejack asked. “Looks like th’ opposite ta me.”
“I’m missing something again, aren’t I?” Light Patch asked. Wits End simply pointed at Purple Heart.
“Watch and learn,” he whisper in mock wonder. The Mane Six turned to look at the purple earth pony. He stood there, face blank, eyes simple half circles with a solitary dot for a pupil, his mouth a short horizontal line. Then he spoke.
In a bored monotone.
“I am One Punch Stallion,” he declared. “I’m an adventurer for fun.” He looked to Light Patch. “Come, Genos. We must see see if we can still get that sale at the grocery store.”
“I really should get around to watching that,” Light Patch muttered. “Not that it wasn’t impressive, but does it seem to anypony else that it was a bit too effective?”
Wits shrugged. “It’s tough to tell when it comes to our friend of the megaton punch. What’d you think, Saitamare?” He made face and a gagging noise. “Oh, ew. I breathed some of it in.”
Purple Heart shuddered and blinked, his face returning to normal. “Well,” he coughed, “that was an experience. It seems I have an ungodly cool down time for that thing. Yeesh, I’m not surprised.”
“Oh?” The mint-colored stallion’s expression changed, his eyebrows raising as an insufferable grin spread over his face as he looked at the frozen, powderized remains settling around them. “A cool down?”
Light Patch groaned in emotional agony as he continued scooping some of the frozen zombie remains into a bag. “Spend the next use of that on him.”
Purple Heart’s blank stare shifted away from the minty colt. “I make no promises,” the Purple Barbarian mumbled. “But I’ll certainly keep that course of action in mind.”
Twilight cleared her throat of the zero percent water zombpony remains and glared at the three colts. “If you’re quite done,” she snapped, “what did you find, Rarity?”
The purple-maned fashionista prodded one of the few semi-intact pieces of clothing that hadn’t gone with the blastwave. “Well, I had a rather nice collection of tunics and dresses…” She sighed, pushing the scraps away. “It seems this sleepy little town has some secrets hidden behind its walls. The tunnel looks like it goes down for quite some way.” She trotted over to the cave entrance, sniffing the air. “No gemstones. It must be pony-made.”
“Definitely pony-made and recent enough for there to still be a lot of rough and sharp edges. Well, that or there just isn’t enough force of erosion here to smooth it out,” Light Patch said, peeking into the cave as he finished tying up the second bag of frozen zombie dust.
Applejack stepped up to stand next to the two ponies. “Ah might not know much ‘bout caves,” she said, “but Ah think we found where the townsponies went.”
“Looks suspiciously like a dungeon crawl to me,” Wits added. “Well? Into the blackness?”
“Again we go, unto the breach,” Purple Heart mused, gesturing with a hoof. “I’ll take point, mares after, if you please.” The purple earth pony trotted forward and descended into the cavern.
“Right,” Twilight said, “Rarity and I can take the middle, Fluttershy and Dash behind us, Pinkie and Applejack behind Purple Heart. You two guard the rear.” She pointed at the two remaining colts. “With any luck, it’ll widen out further in.”
Applejack turned to look at Wits End. “Y’all better not spend too much time watching the wrong rear ends. Got it?” She looked at Light Patch, “That goes fer you two.” She hid her grin by turning away to line up behind Purple Heart.
Wits End looked at Light Patch. “What’d you think she meant by that?” he asked, his face the very image of innocence.
“I’ll tell you when you're older,” Light Patch said, mussing his friend’s mane, trying to hide his embarrassment.
“Enough banter, let’s go!” Purple Heart barked from the front. “This is our Obligatory Dungeon Crawl and we’re gonna enjoy it, gosh darnit!”
Wits stepped in line behind the rest of the mares. “How long do you think it’ll be until we run into a Zubat?”
“Not soon enough,” Light Patch replied. “I love those things, so freaking adorable.”
“Uhm… What’s a Zubat? If you don’t mind explaining that is,” Fluttershy asked, looking back at Wits End.
Wits End sighed and shook his head. “Alright. Cave story time.”