Previously on Set Adrift: I NEED A LADY!
Sanji screamed at the top of his lungs. Behind him, a pack of colorful ponies chased after him.
And now the continuation…
Ponies. There were ponies everywhere. There were ponies manning the shops. There were ponies flying through the sky. There were ponies in the street that darted out of the way of a powder-blue unicorn in a dirtied suit.
“Somepony stop him!” came a shout from behind.
Sanji glanced back to see the pack of ponies were still in hot pursuit of him. The only comfort the sight brought him was that an orange pony and a blue pegasus had taken the lead. Rarity was lost amidst these other ponies and the dust they all kicked up.
“Stay away!” Sanji yelled back at them. “I’m not staying on this island for another second!”
Sanji plowed down the the road. The buildings grew apart from each other and the path became rough. A thick line of trees appeared up ahead where the path vanished into some woods. Sanji pumped his legs faster.
“Stop!” somepony cried out behind him. A blast of purple light whizzed past his ear.
He didn’t look back this time and raced onwards. A small shock ran through him when he dove into the forest. Underbrush and roots overtook the dirt path. Sanji barreled deeper into the woods, branches and roots snapping and cracking against his legs and hooves.
A shadow of a thick branch appeared in front of him. Sanji ducked but the end of his horn scraped against the branch. His head shot back while his legs kept galloping. One of many roots that lined the ground caught a hoof and Sanji went into a tumble.
The world spun around him until he slammed into the thick trunk of a tree. The rustle of the branches echoed through the forest and then silence fell around Sanji. With a grunt, he picked himself up and shook off some loose leaves and dirt.
“Sanji!”
The cry was distant, perhaps fifty or so yards. It sent of chill up Sanji’s spine.
Like hell I’m letting that horse take me back! Sanji thought with a snort. Damn that bear bastard, sending me to an island full of horses with the voices of angels!
Sanji huffed and limped ahead. A thick fog hung over the woods, throwing the trees and their inhabitants into shadow. Every few paces, Rarity’s voice or one of the others’ would call out. Sanji stiffened at their words and crept closer to the trees. When he chanced to look back and see if they were coming up from behind him, he grimaced at the sight of his exposed flanks. He hadn’t thought about it back at Rarity’s but the thought of whatever had happened to his pants made him shudder.
“I swear I’m gonna beat that bear bastard black and blue.”
He stomped a hoof. The act made him pause. He looked down to see that he had trampled over some roots with his left foreleg. He raised up his leg and watched clumps of dirt fall off the thick lump of keratin that had replaced his hand. His jaw tightened.
“Damn,” he grumbled.
The ponies’ calls were softer now. The thought did little to calm Sanji while he trotted through the woods. All four of his legs and points along his chest and back ached from the earlier fall. The rumbling of his stomach drew the most attention.
“Heh,” he muttered. “Guess I can always eat the grass if I’m hungry.”
He frowned at the mental image of himself grazing. The idea of being brought so low as to eat grass conjured up unpleasant memories.
He then flashed back to the when Rarity had first shattered his dream of whatever madhouse of an island this was. She had had what looked like tea, soup, and a simple salad of some sort with her. He came to a stop.
Hmmm, talking horses that can also cook. He sighed and focused back onto the path. Doesn’t matter, I’ve got to get back to the Sunny and find everyone else!
The fog shifted and darkened while he walked. The fire in his eye died down the further he went. Soon, his clenched jaw had give way to a frown.
Darn, I should have stolen a map or something, Sanji thought back to the concerned look Rarity and the other ponies had shown him while he had fled. Maybe I could have asked.
Sanji shook his head. “No! No more talking horses! No matter how nice they are! Horses are horses not la—”
A shriek sounded through the trees. Sanji perked up his ears and turned toward the direction the scream had come from. He gritted his teeth and went into a gallop.
~~~
A few minutes earlier, Rarity and Pinkie Pie stood side by side and combed over the trees and the thick underbrush. A miner’s helmet affixed with a floodlight rested on Pinkie’s head. Both the light and Rarity’s horn cut through the fog.
“Of all the days for the Everfree to be caught in a haze.” Rarity bit her lip. “It’s dangerous enough as it is.”
“Don’t worry, Rarity, I’m sure we’ll find this Sanji guy!” said Pinkie. She wobbled her head around, slicing through the fog with her light. “Marco!”
The rustling of plants and the drip of a distant stream answered Pinkie. She blushed and knocked on her helmet.
“Ooops, forgot he probably forgot how to play Marco Polo.”
“I only wish that were all he forgot,” Rarity sighed. “I just feel terrible for him. It was like he’d completely forgotten he was a pony.”
Pinkie craned her head close to Rarity. “What if did? Oh, what if he’s not actually a pony at all but some sort of creature forcefully changed into a pony that must now go on an epic quest to regain his lost form and return to his home?”
Rarity furrowed her brow at Pinkie. “We really don’t have time for this, Pinkie. We ju—”
The ground crumbled underneath Rarity’s left side. She lurched into the fog-cloaked drop and yelped. Pinkie thrusted out and leg and grasped for Rarity. Her hoof skimmed over one of Rarity’s. Rarity watched Pinkie wildly flail at her but she just grew further and further. Rarity’s yelp grew into a scream and she plummeted into the fog.
“Rarity!” Pinkie yelled. The rest of her words, if she said any, were lost to the winds lashing against Rarity’s ears.
The ground reappeared below. Rarity shut her eyes tight and lit up her horn. A sheet of aura flew up below her and arced back, forming a half sphere. It crashed down on the ground and suspended Rarity in the air for a split-second.
The aura cracked under the pressure, sending out an blast that shook the nearby trees and echoed through the forest. The backlash struck Rarity and sent her vision spinning. Her head felt ready to burst when she felt one of her hindlegs twist backward. Pain shot up from near her knee and mixed with the backlash. Rarity curled up and moaned before everything went black for a moment.
The smell of rotten wood and spoiled fruit was thick in the air when Rarity opened her eyes. The world tilted left and right and was filled with glowing yellow spots that glared at her. Her head throbbed and it felt like somepony had put her left hindleg into a vice.
Her pupils shrank when a clawed leg made of jagged splintered wood appeared out of the fog near two of the yellow spots. The rest of the creature prowled closer to Rarity, revealing itself as a grotesque fusion of a wolf and a tree. Amidst her scrambled thoughts, a tale Applejack had told Rarity came up.
“Timberwolves are truly nasty critters,” she had said. “I’ve only seen them from a distance during Zap Apple Season, but from what Granny said, you’d be better off dealing with an Ursa than a pack of Timberwolves.”
More wolves were drawing close to Rarity. Their breath was so thick she could see it pouring out of their mouths. She felt her lunch at the back of her throat. She tried to lift her head, but a wave of pain sent her world spiraling again.
The first wolf brought a paw down beside Rarity’s head. Both she and the ground shuddered. The wolf brought he gnarled snout close and sniffed Rarity. It then bent its head back and howled, sending goosebumps across Rarity’s skin. Her heart raced in her chest. The wolf opened it maw, revealing a mouth filled with thorny fangs. Rarity shut her eyes.
A yelp and the crack of wood rang through the woods. Something thudded beside Rarity and she opened her eyes. The wolf’s head was lying prone beside her amidst a collection of twigs and branches.
Sanji huffed and glared at the rest of the pack. “Hands off the lady, you mutts!”
The wolves growled and then leapt at him. Sanji bent low. Just before the wolves’ jaws snapped down, Sanji drove a hoof into their underbellies. In a series of snaps and cracks, the wolves burst apart, littering the ground with logs, branches, and leaves.
Sanji lowered his hindleg back to the ground and sighed. He spun around and bent down towards Rarity.
“Oi, can you move?”
“I… I’m not sure,” Rarity murmured.
Sanji glanced at Rarity’s hindlegs and noted the way the left one was bent at an odd angle. He shifted around so that he was in front of Rarity and pressed against the ground.
“Try and pull yourself on. If you can do that, I can carry you from there,” Sanji muttered.
“Thank you.” Rarity gritted her teeth and stretched out her forelegs. She pulled herself forward and managed to drape her forelegs over Sanji’s back. “Oh, Mr. Sanji, I’m so terribly sorry for this whole mess.”
“Save it,” said Sanji. “It’s my fault you wound up like this anyway. Let’s just get you out of here and back to those other horses.”
“I don’t understand though,” Rarity huffed. She pulled with all her strength but could get her torso over Sanji’s back. “You… you were terrified of us before.”
“I still am,” Sanji sighed. “An island where horses talk and act like beautiful women? I can’t think of a worse hell for me. I’m still a man though, even if I look like this.”
Sanji glanced down and awkwardly extended a hoof back to Rarity. He pressed under her side and managed to lift her up enough to get onto his back.
“And a man doesn’t leave a lady in peril!” Sanji took a deep breath and lifted Rarity off the ground. With a huff, he took a step forward. “Any idea where the other horses might be?”
“Ponies,” Rarity corrected. “Can you recall how to use your horn? Maybe we co—”
The ground shook and cut Rarity off. A ghostly howl filled the air. The scattered wood gained a sickly green glow and floated off the ground. Jagged branches bent into claws, logs bound themselves into thick thick legs, and massive thorns filled in the jaws of the hulking beast forming before Sanji. The massive timberwolf opened its blazing eyes and roared at Sanji, spewing it rank breath on him. He flared his nostrils back at it.
“Tough bastard,” he spat. He bent down and deposited Rarity back on the ground. “You aren’t even worth firewood.”
The wolf growled and swiped at Sanji. He ducked but the wind from the swipe smacked into him and lifted him off his feat. The wolf brought up another paw and backhanded Sanji across the woods. It sneered in his direction and then bared its fangs at Rarity. Its paw thudded against the ground and it drew closer to her, its massive branch-ears scraping against the canopy.
“I said, hands off!” Sanji shouted.
He sailed into the wolf and smacked it in the side with a hindleg glowing like coals. His horn also shined through the fog like a spire of flame. The wolf yipped in pain while Sanji drove his leg in deeper. The point of impact smoked and blackened.
“Flambage Shot!”
Sanji tore his hoof through the wolf. It let out a roar that echoed through the forest before smoke poured out of its mouth. Its body shuddered and then exploded in a blaze of fire. The blast sent charred and flaming pieces of wood everywhere and knocked Sanji into a nearby tree. He slid down, shook his head and sighed. With a grunt, he hefted himself up and walked back over to Rarity. A bit of blood dripped from the side of his head.
“Sanji, you’re hurt,” Rarity murmured.
“I’ve dealt with worse.” Sanji looked over the flaming remains of the timberwolf. “Dumb thing should have known not to mess with a cook if it’s made of wood.”
He paused a moment and glanced at his still smoking leg and felt a bit of heat coming from his head as well. He shook his head and turned back to Rarity. He bent down but stopped when his horn glimmered for a brief moment as did Rarity. She lifted a fraction off the ground and then flopped back onto it.
“The hell?” asked Sanji.
“Oh, you can use magic,” said Rarity. She looked back at her dirtied coat and injured leg. “That’ll make getting back much easier.”
“Eh? Magic?” Sanji blinked. He shook his head and got on the ground beside Rarity again. “Look, I don’t have time to ask why you keep saying stuff like ‘magic’ and ‘spells’ just climb on and we’ll get out of here.”
“I think we can help with that.”
A beam of purple aura shot through the trees and picked up the remaining pieces of timberwolf and enclosed them in a sphere of magic. They charred to ashes and then were released back onto the ground.
Twilight emerged from the foliage followed by the rest of the girls.
“That sure was one heck of an emergency flare,” Pinkie giggled.
~~~
Sanji stared down at the fresh splint and bandages that adorned Rarity’s hindleg. Smaller bandages wrapped around and over small cuts and scrapes across her. Sanji felt the adhesive linen pressing against his own wounds as well. He could also feel a pair of ruby eyes glaring at him. He sighed and pushed away an empty salad bowl.
“You finally gonna explain why we shouldn’t throw you in the looney bin?” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
“Ooh, or why you didn’t use magic?” Pinkie asked.
“Or would you like something more to eat?” asked Fluttershy. She glanced back into her kitchen. “I can always make more.”
Sanji felt his skin prickle. Fluttershy had quite the melodic voice that conjured memories of his time back on Skypiea and Conis. The wings didn’t help either.
“No, I’m fine,” he muttered. He then leveled his gaze at Rainbow. “And I could try to explain it, but you’d probably lock me up anyway. If I can just borrow some maps, I can get on my way.”
“To where though?” Twilight asked.
“Back to my ship,” Sanji sighed.
“Oh, so you’re from one of the coastal cities.” Twilight tapped her chin. “That still doesn’t explain how you wound up in the middle of Equestria though.”
“I’m still working that part out myself.” Sanji reached behind his ear and held out a tiny scrap of paper in his hooves. How he managed to pull and hold out the scrap was lost to him but the less questions asked, the sooner he could be off this island. “All that matters is that I follow where this leads me.”
Pinkie slid up beside Sanji and peered at the paper. “You know, having Twilight test whatever that is with a spell could really help your ‘I’m not a crazy mamajama’ case.”
Sanji pulled away from Pinkie. He snorted at her and tucked the paper back behind his ear. “No way. This is my only ticket back to crew. I’m not letting you or anyone else even touch it!”
“Okay, okay,” said Twilight. “Nopony is gonna touch your paper, Mr. Sanji. You mentioned a crew though, right?”
“Yes, but...” Sanji clenched his jaw and huffed. “Damn it, I don’t have time to explain everything. Look, can I please just look at some maps? I’ve caused enough trouble as it is and your whole being girls but also ponies isn’t helping.”
Twilight glanced at her friends. “Riggggghhht.”
“Gee, Mr. Sanji,” Pinkie giggled. “It’s almost like you think you aren’t a pony.”
Sanji shuddered and lowered his head. “I need to get out of this place before I go mad.”
“Well why don’t we try contacting your crew?” Applejack suggested. “I’m still not quite getting why you’re so spooked about us, but maybe your pals could help.”
“Do you have transponder sails here?” asked Sanji. Several blank faces stared back at him. “Thought not. Not that it matters. I’m guessing my crew is in a similar state to me. I swear if that bear bastard sent Nami and Robin somewhere dangerous I’m gonna clobber him into next week!”
“Woah, easy there, partner.” Applejack passed a mug of cider over to him. Sanji took as swig and sunk into his chair with a grimace slapped across his face. “Now, I know you must be in an awful state being thrown across Equestria with your friends who knows where. I know I’d be.”
Applejack placed a hoof on her chest and stared straight at Sanji. “But us gals ain’t the kind to abandon a pony in need.”
“Really, Applejack?” Dash huffed.
“As long as said ponies don’t panic and get themselves in a mess again.” Applejack flashed Sanji a sheepish grin. “No offense.”
“What if he does flip out again and messes somepony else up like he did to Rarity?” said Dash.
“Hey!” Sanji jabbed a hoof at Dash. “I didn’t ask you to follow me into the forest, candy-head!”
Dash zoomed over and pressed her face close to Sanji’s. “Well excuse us for wanting to keep a crazy stallion from hurting himself!”
Sanji wrinkled his nose at her. “You know, you’re starting to remind me of another muscle-head.”
“Want me to show you what these muscles can do?”
“Everypony, please!” Rarity shouted and then fell back onto Fluttershy’s bed. “We should have been more careful with Mr. Sanji from the start. Regardless, if it hadn’t been for him, I doubt I would have gotten away with just a sprained leg and a bit of a migraine.”
Dash raised a hoof to the air. “But…”
“Not buts!” Rarity shot back. “Despite some of his harsher mannerisms, Mr. Sanji is a gentlecolt that just wants to go back home. I don’t think that’s much of a request.”
Dash pressed her lips together and marched back to her seat. Her eyes remained fixed on Sanji and he could feel the heat she was drilling into him. He looked away from her and back to Twilight.
“Are we good to go then?” he asked. “You said your place had some maps on the way here, right?”
“If that’s what you want.” Twilight lit up her horn and opened up the door in the other room. She then looked over her friends and lingered on Rarity. “I’ll see you all in the morning.”
“Have a safe trip back,” said Applejack. Sanji noted the slight sharpness in her eyes when she glanced at him.
“Tell us if you need anything,” said Fluttershy.
“And don’t get any funny ideas,” Dash grumbled.
“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity hissed. Her face softened when she turned to Twilight and Sanji. “Have a good night, both of you. I hope you’re able to find what you’re looking for, Sanji.”
“So do I,” Sanji muttered as he stepped into the other room.
He followed after Twilight into the cool night. A slight wind brushed against his fur and bandages. What had been left of his suit had been discarded at the hospital. Rarity had mentioned giving Sanji a new one on the trek out of the woods but he had refused. No sense waiting longer for a suit that wouldn’t fit him once he was back to normal.
Then again, the suit he’d had on him had shifted along with the rest of him when he’d gotten here. It wouldn’t do any good to make it all the way back to the Sunny if Robin and Nami saw him looking like he’d wandered out of a farm. Maybe he could ask Rarity to make some clothes for them all well.
Sanji shook his head back and forth.
What am I thinking!? I can’t waste more time… Sanji blinked. Unless everyone else is here too.
“Hey,” Sanji called out to Twilight. “There haven’t been any other strange ponies popping up around here lately, have there?”
“Not that I can recall.” Twilight looked back and smiled at Sanji. “And being a little frightened and probably sustaining some head trauma doesn’t make you strange.”
“I told you it’s not head trauma or whatever. It’s just too much of a pain to explain and would just drag things out.” Sanji hefted his shoulders and sighed. “But I suppose if I’m the only one that’s caused trouble lately that means the others are probably somewhere else.”
“Well, I can make sure a bulletin is put out for your friends,” said Twilight. “I don’t use it often, but being the Princess’s student does have some benefits.”
Sanji raised his curly eyebrow. “Princess?”
Twilight bit her lip. “I’m really gonna need to have a word with the medical staff about their neurology apartment.”
“Okay, okay,” said Sanji. “There’s a Princess or something. I guess if anyone else shows up that could help.” Sanji looked up to the starry sky and sighed. “Crap, Princesses, unicorns, and pegasi. I really got sent to one hell of a fairy tale. I’ll probably have to fight a dragon by the end of this mess.”
“Well, hopefully it won’t be a fight with Spike,” Twilight giggled.
Sanji blinked. “What?”
Twilight came to a stop in front of the giant oak in the middle of town. She looked back at Sanji and smiled. “Well, I guess that one isn’t too odd. Not a whole lot of ponies have actually seen a dragon.”
“Wait, you’re joking, right?” asked Sanji while Twilight opened up the door. “You’re not gonna tell me there’s dragons here t—”
A scaly purple creature darted out from within the library and latched onto Twilight’s leg. “Twilight! Are you okay?” It lifted its wide slitted eyes up. “Is Rarity okay?”
“Yes, Spike, everypony will be fine.” Twilight gave Spike a pat on the head. “Rarity hurt her leg a little though, but I’m sure it’s nothing a little help from a strong little dragon can’t fix.”
Spike’s cheeks went from purple to hot pink and he unclenched himself from Twilight’s leg. He then turned his head up toward Sanji. His brow furrowed.
“Hey, is this the whacked out pony you mentioned earlier?”
“Spike!” A bit of red dotted Twilight’s cheeks. She coughed into a hoof and took some breaths. She then waved a leg back and forth between Spike and Sanji. “Spike, this is Sanji. Sanji, Spike.”
Spike grumbled and extended out a claw. Twilight nodded her head in quick succession towards the claw. The signal clicked and Sanji extended out a leg to Spike and the two of them shook limbs.
“Nice to meet you,” Spike muttered.
“I think I’ll go with surprised rather than nice.” Sanji pulled his hoof back and looked at Twilight. “So he’s what a real dragon looks like?”
“Well, a baby one.” Twilight corked her head to the side. “Were you expecting something different.”
“I guess that makes sense for the size.” Sanji peered down at Spike. “No wings or fire though?”
“I got plenty of one of them.” Spike puffed up his chest and sent a small jet of fire up between Sanji and Twilight. He placed his hands on his hips and grinned. “How about that?”
“After the day I’ve had, I’ll take it.” Sanji slunked after Twilight into the library. “Now, about those maps.”
“Of course.” Twilight lit up her horn and some books flew off a shelf and onto a nearby table. “There you go. There’s more maps if you need them, but these are pretty comprehensive.”
Sanji looked up the high shelf the books had floated off and then at Twilight’s horn. “So that’s that magic you were talking about.” He glanced down at his hooves. “I guess that’s how you pick up and hold most things?”
“Yeah…” Twilight avoided Sanji’s and stared at the ground. “Maybe you should sit down and rest a little before looking into those maps.”
“Are there any basic books on magic?” Sanji looked up at the stacks of books. “Something that could break it down in really simple steps?”
“Sure.”
Twilight's horn glowed again and another book came to rest beside the others. Its cover featured a unicorn filly staring up at a bearded stallion in a pointy hat. Stars and bolts of lightning flew out of the stallion’s horn and illustrated the large bubbly font of the title: Fillies’ and Colts’ First Spell Book. Twilight blushed a little.
“That’s, uh, the most basic I’ve got.”
“I’ll take it.” Sanji trekked over to the desk and took his seat. Some basic survival skills will help to not draw attention and get out of here faster.
“Well, if you need anything else, I’ll just be upstairs.” Twilight took a few steps up and then looked back down at Sanji. “The guest room’s up here too for when you want to go to sleep.”
“Thanks.” Sanji managed to smile. “Maybe if I get a handle on this whole magic thing I can cook up something in the morning.”
“Oh, you really don’t need to do that.”
“Think of it as thanks for the maps and a place to rest for the night.” Sanji glanced up at his horn. “That’s if I figure this thing out.”
“Okay then…” Twilight flashed Sanji a jittery grin and then ascended the stairs with Spike following behind her.
At the top, Spike glared down at Sanji, motioned to his eyes with two claws and then pointed them at Sanji. Sanji sighed at the display and opened up the first mapbook.
~~~
Sanji rubbed his eye. The stump of a candle near him flickered. He snorted and a faint glow flowed over it and brought it a bit closer to the maps. It felt like someone was jabbing at his forehead with a large blunt nail. He considered turning on the chandelier but Twilight’s soft snores and the dull ache from his horn squelched the idea. He sighed and pressed his head closer to the maps. Pale moonlight and the dim glow of a candle would have to do for the night.
A lively jazz tune from a piano snapped Sanji back to the task at hand. He stretched out his arm and placed the crudite platter down on the table.
“Ah, this looks marvelous,” the customer mused.
Sanji smiled at the customer. Her dark blue dress curved in all the right places and scintillated along to the light rocking of the ship. Her flowing mass of hair sparkled too as if stars were locked within them. Combined with the woman’s dark complexion, she gave off an exotic and alluring air.
“Would you care to join me?” she mused.
“I’d love too!” Sanji pulled out a chair but stopped himself from sitting down. He coughed and straightened himself. “But I have other customers too. Perhaps a free dessert can be arranged for the lovely mademoiselle though?”
“Oh, I think I’m quite satisfied with what you’ve already brought to the table.” The woman glanced at the crudite. When she leveled her gaze back at Sanji, he felt a bit of a draft against his back. “Are you sure this is where you’re meant to be though?”
The room tilted back and right. Sanji felt his heart jump. A vision of the Sunny and the crew came to him and the room leveled down. He took his seat across from the woman and glared at her.
“What is this?” he asked. “I’ve had more than my fair share of weird today.”
“My apologies.” The women dipped her head. “I thought a restaurant on the seas would be a nice neutral spot to talk. You’re quite perceptive though. Even ponies have trouble spotting the threads of slumber unless I make it obvious.”
“Are you one of them?” Sanji grumbled. He looked down from the woman’s face to her form-fitting dress. “Please tell me you’re not.”
“Here I’m whatever soothes others’ worries.” The woman frowned and glanced down. “Forgive me for not helping with that nightmare earlier though, my availability during the day is limited.”
“Look, I can handle this on my own.” Sanji looked up to the roof. “Now how do I wake up or whatever you do to get out of this place?”
“My my, quite the impatient one,” the woman mused. “But with your troubles, I can see why. I just wanted to exchange a greeting with you and relieve any potential worries you might have.”
“My worries are my own business.” Sanji reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. The woman waited while he lit it and took a long drag. He sighed while the smoke curled above him. “All that matters is getting back to my crew and getting off this circus of an island.”
Something gleamed in the woman’s eyes. “I wonder…”
The cigarette dangled from Sanji’s lips. “Huh?”
“Oh nothing.” The woman glanced out through one of the windows. A large amount of light was pouring through them. It was nearly blinding. “I suppose I’ll let sister handle things from here in the morning. Sweet dreams, Black Leg.”
The room around them swirled. The walls grew transparent, revealing the vast field of stars beyond them. The table and the woman drifted away from Sanji while he felt himself being pulled back.
“Hey, wait a minute!” Sanji called out while the woman’s form shifted and faded away amongst the stars. “How’d you know that na—”
Something shaking him on the shoulder forced Sanji to open his eyes. He grunted and peeled his muzzle off of the map he’d fallen asleep on.
“It’s like there’s two Twilights,” Spike giggled.
“Spike, be nice.” Twilight lowered her hoof to floor and looked at Sanji. A wide smiled filled her face. “Anyway, I have some good news. I sent a letter off Canterlot last night and we already got a reply back. You’re in luck too, Princess Celestia got back from her diplomatic visit this morning, so she and Princess Luna can help you out. I’m actually a little shocked how fast it was to get help with all of this.”
“Guess I won’t be cooking up breakfast then,” said Sanji.
“I suppose not.” Twilight glanced at Sanji’s cutie mark. “But it’ll give you a chance to try some of Pinkie’s cooking.”
Sanji shuddered. The way the pink one bounced all around and always seemed to be cramming her mouth full of sugary confections reminded him of Luffy on a kitchen raid. Now that pink ball of fluff would be shoving its wares down his throat. Dreading the upcoming diabetic confrontation, the vivid dream slipped away from Sanji.
~~~
“How the hell did you make this with just your hooves?” Sanji exclaimed.
In front of him was a croissant with a chunk bitten out of it and a steaming cafe au lait. A bit of foam clung to the tip of Sanji’s muzzle. Pinkie sat across from Sanji and grinned.
“Trade secret,” she giggled.
“It’s best not to question Pinkie on some things,” said Twilight.
“Might cause you to lose your head again,” Dash muttered.
“I can understand why the baker decided to tag along.” Sanji pointed at Dash. “But why are you here, candy-head?”
“The name’s Rainbow Dash, curly-brow,” Dash shot back. “And I’m here to make sure you don’t cause any trouble.”
Twilight stuck her head between Sanji and Dash. “Which we’re very grateful for.” She unleashed her held in breath when Sanji and Dash backed off.
Sanji brought his attention back to Pinkie. “I still want to know how you made something like this. No recipes or anything, just how you did it by hoof. If you had a horn that’d make a little more sense.”
“Well, I suppose I could tell you from one chef to another, but you probably already know my number one secret anyway. The secret is…” Pinkie leaned close and Sanji let an ear. Pinkie then yelled, “... making every dish with lots and lots of love for your customers and your friends!”
Sanji reeled back with his ears ringing. He sunk into his seat and glanced at Twilight. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have asked.”
~~~
“Princess!” Twilight exclaimed. She rushed forward to Celestia, gave her a bow, and then a hug. “Oh, how was your trip? Were the Saddle Arabians accommodating? Do they really pu—”
A golden horseshoe pressed against Twilight’s lips. “Yes, Twilight, it was quite a nice and informative trip. I’ll be sure to tell you all about it over some tea later. Right now, we have more important matters to discuss.”
Sanji straightened. Celestia appeared just as cartoonish as any other pony but the way she carried herself held an air of awe. In her eyes spanned a deep expanse of knowledge gained through the years that reminded Sanji of Zeff. The other princess that sat in the neighboring throne bore similar eyes but also a more playful smile than the calm grin Celestia wore.
Sanji stepped forward and bowed. “Thank you for letting me see you. My name is…”
“Black Leg Sanji,” Celestia chuckled. “It’s quite a surprise seeing such a famous chef wind up in the middle of my kingdom.”
Sanji stiffened. Sweat crept onto his forehead.
“You know him?” Twilight gasped.
“Not personally,” Celestia replied. “He’s from quite the distant land, but he and his crew are quite the upstarts.”
“Neato!” Pinkie chirped. She draped a hoof over Sanji and smiled. “I had a feeling you were some sort of big shot. Ooooh, now I wanna challenge you to a bake-off even more!”
“I’m afraid that may not be happening,” said Celestia. “Between the letter and what I know of Sanji here, I suppose he dearly wants to return to his crew.”
“Can you?” Sanji gasped. “I’m not sure how but I’ll repay you it!”
“You already did by defending my subjects last night.” Celestia turned to Twilight and her friends. “Twilight, I apologize, but could my sister and I have some private words with Sanji for a moment? His situation involves a little diplomatic privacy and I’d like to respect that.”
“Oh, of course!” Twilight spun around and marched over to the door. “Come on, girls. We’ll be right outside if you need us!”
“Thank you, my faithful student,” Celestia giggled.
The door closed and a silence fell upon the throne room. Sanji felt a heat on him when Celestia looked back at him. It dissipated as quickly as it had appeared when Celestia smiled at him.
"You’re quite the lucky stallion,” she said. Her horn glowed and a wanted poster with a blurry sketch of a blond man with a pancake-like face and only one eye showing materialized next to her. “Equestria has done wonders for your looks.”
“Gah!” Sanji stomped his hooves. “Does everyone in the world have that damned thing? And how the hell did you even guess that was me with just that crappy drawing? It looks nothing like me! Pony or not!”
“Now, now, I’m nopony to judge just based on appearance.” Celestia floated up a letter and a newspaper beside the poster. Sanji grimaced at the headline on the latter: Straw Hats Defeated. “I took an educated guess between your poster, your description from Rarity and Twilight, and the recent events on the Grand Line.”
“So you do know stuff beyond this island then.” Sanji furrowed his brow. “Why present this island as the only place in the world then?”
“I see someone was busy at Twilight’s last night.” Celestia returned to her throne. Sanji felt something nudge against his side. A chair pressed up against him and he took a seat. “Through a combination of geography and magic, Equestria is virtually inaccessible unless you have wings or the wayward sky island passes by. Though the latter is highly unlikely given us being on what you would call a Calm Belt.”
“Crap, this is gonna be a real pain getting back, isn’t it?” Sanji sighed.
“Not at all. I venture out every now and then to observe the world and learn what I can, so getting you back in no concern of mine. You humans do quite a few unsavory things, but some of your discoveries are very beneficial.” Another newspaper materialized beside Celestia and floated over to Sanji. “I also feel a bit of sympathy for your captain.”
Sanji’s pupils shrank when he read the headline on the first newspaper. Accompanying it were two large pictures of Ace and Whitebeard marked with Xs. Below them were pictures and details that roiled Sanji’s stomach and rent his heart. By the time he finished the paper, he was slumped in his seat with a hollow pit in his core. He took a deep breath and then glared at Luna and Celestia.
“I need you to get me to Luffy now. I don’t care what it takes!”
“How noble,” Luna chuckled. “Sister, don’t keep him waiting though. Show him the other one.”
Sanji blinked. Something about Luna’s voice pricked his ears. A flash drew his attention back to Celestia. A third newspaper was at her side.
“I was curious when the news first broke,” said Celestia. “Perhaps you can explain what exactly your captain was doing going back to a place where he lost so much.”
Sanji didn’t wait for the paper to come over to him. He seized it with his own magic and pulled it over. Celestia smiled at the display while Sanji poured over the paper. He stopped almost as quickly as he started. The throne room was quiet for some minutes while Sanji lingered over the headline picture of a bandaged young man holding a straw hat on his chest.
“Hey, all this magic stuff, do you think a human could use it?” Sanji muttered.
“Now that’s quite a question.” Celestia tapped her chin. “You shouldn’t have the proper biology for it, but that skill of yours, haki, is similar in some ways.”
Sanji thought back to the forest, the way his head had felt aflame alongside his leg. He took a deep breath and stood up. “That settles it then. If I can, I’d like to stay here for a little and train.”
Luna’s grin widened and Celestia blinked.
“That’s quite the dramatic reversal,” Celestia mused. “Whatever could have brought that about?”
“My captain gave an order,” Sanji answered with a fire in his eyes. He slapped hoof against his chest. “I need to get stronger so my crew never falls apart again!”
“Hmmm.” Luna’s lips curled further. “Sister, I think I may have a suggestion. You were planning on telling Twilight Sparkle and her friends eventually anyway so why not slowly introduce them with Sir Sanji here. I think he’s quite the nice introduction to humans.”
“You would say that, Luna.” Celestia narrowed her eyes. “You’ve actually been quite chipper this whole morning.” She shook her head. “But you’ve made a good point. Twilight and her friends will need training and knowledge of the seas so allowing a human to stay here and train is a fair trade off.”
“So do we have a deal then?” asked Sanji.
“Yes, I believe we do.” Celestia grinned. “I’ll have a few details to go over with you and Twilight to ensure you don’t come off as some mad stallion, but I hereby permit your stay in Equestria provided you mind your behavior.”
~~~
A few hours later, Sanji trotted alongside Twilight and her friends through the halls of the Canterlot Castle. All of them felt their heads aching a little but wore smiles regardless.
“Oh, this is so exciting!” Twilight exclaimed. “A whole new world to explore. I can’t wait to read some of the books!”
“Or try the sweets!” Pinkie proclaimed.
“Or find hidden secrets!” said Dash. She pressed closer to Sanji. “There any cool temples or treasure where you come from?”
Sanji smirked and Dash blushed. “Quite a different tone you’ve got now, candy-head. You heard what the Princess said, right? You gotta learn about this stuff slowly or it might overwhelm your pony brain.”
Dash’s wings bristled at Sanji’s mocking tone. “Just you watch, curly brow! By the time we go to this Grand Line thing, we’ll do an even better job living there than you did!”
“Oh, Sir Sanji!” a voice called out.
Sanji broke away from his staredown with Dash. Luna had appeared out of one of the many doors that line the hall. She beckoned to him with a hoof.
“May I borrow you for a minute more?” She asked. “Sister forgot to relay some crucial information.”
Sanji trotted over to her and the girls followed after him. Luna held up a hoof when they tried to enter the room though.
“My apologies, subjects,” Luna said with an aristocratic air, “but this matter concerns some of the more delicate information concern Sir Sanji’s homeland.”
“Of course, Princess.” Twilight gave a small bow.
“This shouldn’t take too long, but feel free to rest somewhere or contact your other friends if we are lagging.”
“Oki-doki!” Pinkie gave Luna a salute. “I could use a coffee break anyway.”
Dash raised an eyebrow at her. “You drank like fifty cups of tea.”
“Oh, so a bathroom break too then!” Pinkie grinned.
Luna chuckled and then shut the door. Sanji made his way over to the table and chairs in the somewhat dim room. For whatever reason, Luna had chosen a guest room of some sort to talk with Sanji. Something about it tickled the nape of his neck.
“You know…” Luna took her seat and grinned at Sanji from across the table. “I always found it interesting how you pirates always seem to have more nobility than your actual nobles.” She floated a tray over to Sanji. “Saltlick?”
“You know humans don’t do that, right?”
“I just thought since it appears you’ll be staying a bit that it would help to familiarize you with some Equestrian culture.” Luna batted her eyes at Sanji. “It’d be nice to hear about human culture too. I’ve missed the forays onto the seas and sister has been quite insistent I refamiliarize myself with Equestria first.”
Sanji felt a chill spreading out from his neck. Luna’s tone and the way she leaned over the table were stirring something at the back of his mind. “So what is it you wanted to discuss?”
Luna pouted her lower lip like she’d been caught stealing a cooking. “Well, my powers allow me a great range of abilities. For instance, skills you learn here might not translate well to your regular body without practice. It’d be a shame for all your hard work to be for not, but I can assist in that.”
“That’s true…” Sanji turned his attention down to the table. The look Luna was giving him wasn’t helping the stone growing in his stomach. “You seem awfully eager to help out though.”
“Well, sister is always so stoic in her observance of the human world. I’m a bit more…”
A blinding flash went off. Sanji shut his eyes and moved to stand when something soft thrust itself against his muzzle. A bit of blood spurted out of his nose. When his vision cleared, his eyes practically popped out of his head. The woman from his dream pressed her chest closer to him, engulfing more of Sanji’s muzzle in her cleavage. Sanji’s face went from a bright red to deathly pale.
“... adventurous,” Luna smirked.
Sanji kicked back and flew into the wall. He pressed up against it and gasped for breath. “What the hell!?”
“Too much of a shock?” Luna stood up from the table. Her chest gave a slight jiggle. “I’m glad to see my illusion spells haven’t lost their appeal at least.”
Sanji’s ears perked at the word “illusion”. Thinking back to the previous night as well, he scowled at Luna. “Alright, you better drop the act because there is no way I’m falling for a damn horse.”
“You say that, but…” Luna stooped low so that Sanji could practically see straight down her scintillating dress. Some more blood trickled down his muzzle. “I am the mare that knows what all ponies dream about. And I am very adaptable. Perhaps you’d prefer if I were a mermaid?”
“M-me-mer…” The crimson flow out of Sanji’s nose increased. His eye lifted up, then stared back at Luna’s cleavage, and then shot down to his own hooves. His shut his eyes and and shook his head. “No! No! I’m a man! I have standards! No matter what you may look like you’re still a horse!”
Before Sanji could say another word, Luna was upon him and thrust her chest at his face again. “Do I feel like a horse?”
While blood dripped from Sanji’s nose, his eye spiraled around its socket. “No… man… horse. I…”
Sanji crumpled to the ground. Luna blinked and then sighed.
“Perhaps I’ve forgotten a bit of tact during my banishment.”
She shuddered when she felt a great heat on her back. She slowly looked back to see Celestia glaring at her.
“You certainly have, sister,” Celestia huffed. She then looked down at Sanji. “Besides, this human is far more appealing as a pony, anyway.”
“Well now who’s being a hypocrite?” Luna grumbled.
“Just because I find a stallion appealing doesn't mean I’m going to pull him aside and seduce him,” Celestia stated. A grin came to her lips. “I’ll at least allow him some time to get accommodated to life here first. That way, I don’t wind up having to explain to my student and her friends how a stallion winds up passed out on the floor in such a state.”
Celestia’s horn flashed and Luna was alone again. She blanched when the door creaked open and Twilight poked her head through.
“I’m sorry, Princess. I just wanted to wait outside since I have so many questions for Sanji and I heard a racket, so I…” Twilight stared at the dark skinned woman and then saw Sanji passed out on the floor. Her horn roared to life. “Don’t move! I don’t know what you are, but I won’t let you hurt innocent ponies!”
“Wait! Wait!” Luna flailed her arms around. There was a flash and Luna stood back in her normal body. “It’s me, Twilight Sparkle!”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “This isn’t my first time dealing with shape-shifters, you know.”
“Yeah!” Pinkie popped up beside Luna and looked her straight in the eyes. The pipe in her mouth produced a few bubbles. “Prove you’re really the Princess. What was I wearing for Nightmare Night.”
“A chicken costume,” Luna huffed, willing her mane to flow around her face so as to hide the blush on her cheeks. “Now, please, would you, uh, take Sir Sanji? I fear what I revealed to him was a bit too much to bear.”
“That ain’t the only thing there’s too much of.” Rainbow Dash stared down at Sanji with a bit of a blush on her cheeks. Her eyes were locked near his flanks. She gave Luna a shifty look. “So you just wanted to talk, eh?”
One of Luna’s eyes twitched. “I swear Celestia will pay for this.”
~~~
Dawn stretched through the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack breathed in the fresh morning air and smiled. When she turned her head, the smile dimmed. Sanji glared back at her through his baggy eyes.
“You sure you wanna do this?” she asked. “I understand the Princess wants you to get stronger, but apple bucking ain’t exactly the work unicorns are cut out for.”
“It’s fine,” Sanji huffed. “Still just getting used to… sleeping.”
Sanji had dredged up the last word with such disgust it made Applejack’s skin crawl. “Well, I do appreciate the help. Let’s get you started on the basics first though, don’t want you tiring yourself out.”
Applejack turned and laid a hoof on a nearby tree. Its limbs were spindly and it displayed less leaves than its neighbors, but apples still hung from its low-lying branches. “Just like we practiced. Ol’ girl here’s always been a reliable starting tree.”
Sanji took a breath and lined himself up with the tree. The apples were just a few feet above him and if breakfast were any indication, just as delicious as they looked. Fruit of this quality was a rarity on the seas and, even though he couldn’t prepare the apples yet given his current state, he still appreciated the chance to handle at least part of the process of getting food to the table. He took one more look at the thin tree and then tucked his legs. His hooves then sprang out and knocked against the tree’s trunk. The tree shuddered and loosened its apples into the buckets below. Sanji stood up straight and looked over the buckets with a grin.
“Well I’ll be. If I didn’t know better, that buck could pass for an one my family’s.” Applejack smiled at Sanji. “Course, you still got a whole lot more of the orchard before I call that anything but beginner’s luck.”
“I’ve been cooking nearly my whole life. What kind of chef would I be if I couldn’t procure a few ingredients?”
By the time the sun had cleared over the apple trees, Sanji was drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. Applejack bucked a nearby tree, collected the apples, and then moved onto another one while Sanji huffed and limped over to his next tree. It was only when the light caught her brow at the right angle that a thin sheen of sweat showed.
Sanji sank his head and gritted his teeth. He glared at the next tree and lifted his sore legs. Something cold pressed up against his side and he spun to see a yellow filly holding up a mug of something to him.
“You’re looking pretty wiped, Mr. Sanji,” said Apple Bloom. “How about some juice?”
Sanji sighed and lit up his horn. The mug jittered in his grasp but stayed afloat. He knocked it back in one gulp. The rustling of an apple tree drifted through the field. Applejack watched apples fall from another tree and then moved on.
“She’s like a machine,” Sanji huffed.
“Yeah, my sis is the best.” Apple Bloom grinned. “You’re pretty good too, Mr. Sanji. I ain’t ever seen a unicorn do so much work with just their hooves.”
“I got a whole lot more before I’m done.” Sanji floated the mug back to Apple Bloom and shambled over to his next tree.
Luffy, I’m not gonna give up! Sanji clenched his jaw while his legs burned. The tree shook and apples tumbled downwards.
~~~
The pale visage of Sanji slumped in his chair. “I give up.”
“No shame in getting tuckered out on your first day.” Applejack bussed her way over to the table with a few plates on her back. “You did a fine job. Finest I’ve seen a unicorn do… don’t let the whole business with the pigpens get you down.”
“That stupid candy-head will never let me hear the end of it,” Sanji muttered.
A whiff came off the plates up to Sanji’s nose. Color returned to his face and his eyes focused. He watched Applejack place each large serving dish on the table and peered at their contents. There was a casserole of some sort, succotash, a large bowl of oats and berries that glistened with spices, and a large steaming apple pie. Sanji’s mouth watered.
Granny Smith chuckled from the head of the table. “Well, young ‘un, I admit it, you’ve earned it. Was a bit skeptical at first but looks like the Princess sent us one hay of a stallion.”
“Eyup,” said Big Mac.
“Let’s eat!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.
Everypony at the table dug in. Sanji tore into the meal with the same gusto as the Apple family. Yet, when he reached for his second helping, he paused and stared down at his legs. He’d barely been able to climb into the chair with the dead weights they’d become and the constant burn running through them cut into his enjoyment of the meal, but the weight on them seemed lighter somehow.
“I can practically feel my strength returning,” he commented.
“Oooh.” Granny Smith peered at him and then at Applejack. “Your gentlecolt’s got quite the sense of taste too.”
Applejack snorted some of the juice she was drinking. “Granny! The Princess asked us to house him and give him some work as a favor! That’s all!”
Granny Smith giggled. Applejack readjusted her hat to hide a bit of her blush.
“Granny did make a good point though. Apple family food is some of the best, but it takes a really good nose and tongue to notice the real benefits of the meal.” Applejack pointed a hoof at her plate and smiled. “Us Apples need to keep healthy and strong, so we’ve got a whole line of recipes just like this to build your body up.”
“Building up your body,” Sanji murmured. He slammed a hoof on the table. “That settles it. While I’m here, I need to learn your cooking techniques too!”
Granny jabbed a hoof at Sanji. “Now hold up there, young ‘un. Those recipes are a family treasure. We can’t just give them out willy nilly.”
“I’ll work twice as hard to get them!” Sanji proclaimed. “No, three times!”
“Like I said, these recipes are a family treasure.” Granny Smith crossed her legs over her chest. A wry grin stretched across her face. “Do you catch my drift, young ‘un?”
Applejack slammed her hooves on the table. Her faces was fully crimson. “Granny!”
Across the table, Apple Bloom and Big Mac chuckled. They then each bent an ear towards each other.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Applejack that red before,” Apple Bloom whispered.
“You should have seen how she looked when we had to wash him off after the pigpen,” said Big Mac.
~~~
“Wow, Sanji, you weren’t kidding!” Pinkie chowed down on another piece of the colorful slice in front of her. It sparkled with crisp greens, deep reds, and vibrant yellows and oranges. “Terrines have never been my thing, but this is the super ultra best terrine I’ve ever had!”
Sanji scratched at the scraggly stubble on his chin. “I owe you for the pastry recipes. Applejack’s family is still guarding their food like hawks, but your stuff seems to work too.”
“Like I said, I make sure every dish is filled with lots and lots of love!” Pinkie chirped. She then saddled up a little closer to Sanji. “Especially certain special chef someponies.”
A puff of smoke replaced Sanji when he fled. Pinkie leaned on his smokey afterimage for a moment and then gave a hearty sigh.
~~~
“We aren’t finished!” Sanji yelled up at Dash past his swollen and bruised cheeks. “Bet if I tie those wings up, you won’t be getting any sucker punches on me! Now face me like a man!”
From atop her cloud, Dash stuck out her tongue and swished her tail back and forth at him. “ I’m a pegasus, curly brow. If you want me to keep kicking your butt so bad, why not come up here sometime?”
Sanji growled at her. He turned and marched back on the farm but stopped after a step. He looked up at his horn and then at his legs and grinned. “Maybe I will, candy-head.”
~~~
“Mr. Sanji!” Rarity sang from outside the barn. A suit and a scarf floated beside her. “It’s getting a little colder out so I thought I’d make you an early Hearth’s Warming gift!”
A hoe clattered nearby. Rarity turned her head and spotted Sanji creeping out the backdoor. His hair bristled at the sight of her.
“There you are.” Rarity galloped toward him. “Oh, I’m sure you’re going to adore this new design.”
Sanji bolted in the opposite direction so fast it almost looked like his hooves didn’t touch the ground.
~~~
“Don’t tell me you can’t do anything,” the bold maned mare in a suit growled at Discord. A collection of blue spots lined her underside but was especially thick around her flanks.
“Sorry Ms. Sanji.” Discord shrugged and chucked some popcorn into his mouth. A bit of the pinstriped box the rest of the corn was in vanished while he chewed. “My powers and Poison Joke don’t mesh well.”
“It’s okay.” Fluttershy gave Sanji a pat on the back. “Zecora will be back from her trip in a few days and then we can get you all better. Besides…” Fluttershy tucked her chin and a blush crept up her face. “You, uh, actually don’t make a half bad mare.”
Discord scowled and snapped his claws. There was a flash and Sanji was back to having an angular muzzle and a stallion’s build.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Discord scowled. “I’m just not in favor of anything with the word ‘same’ attached to it. Now you’re all better so no judging of Fluttershy and whatever relationships she chooses to pursue.”
With another snap, Sanji vanished.
Fluttershy blinked. “Discord, is there something you’d like to tell me?”
“Why, Fluttershy,” Discord said while his voice grew softer and quite a few pitches higher. His body smoothed out and his mane shifted styles while his beard poofed into smoke. “What gives you that idea?”
~~~
Sanji sighed and swallowed that last bit of the sugarcube he’d stuffed into his mouth back at the farm. He knocked on the door to the library and waited.
“It’s unlocked,” came Twilight’s voice.
Sanji opened the door with his magic and stepped inside. “Hey Twilight, I’m getting a better hang of my attacks but I think my magic needs a li—”
Sanji stood still as stone. A woman stood in the middle of of the library with her back turned to Sanji. His mouth dropped at the sight of her… or rather the sight of her bare skin. She turned around and smiled at Sanji with her violet hair providing the loosest sense of modesty for her upper body.
“Given your expression, this illusion spell must’ve re—”
A torrent of blood gushed out of Sanji’s nose and washed over Twilight. Spike rushed out from the kitchen, saw the apparent murder scene, and passed out. Twilight, still a nude human, slapped her head.
“Right, the clothes thing.” She looked over to Sanji, pale and shivering in a puddle of his blood. “Better get him to the hospital.”
~~~
These and many other events transpired over the next two years in Equestria. Ponies far and wide came to know of a peculiar stallion somehow connected to the Elements of Harmony and the Princesses themselves. Rumors abounded just about who he was. Many said he was a royal chef. Others said that was a guise for his true role as a secret agent in Celestia’s service.
What everypony agreed on though was that this pony was a stallion among stallions. Although, to those that lived in Ponyville, even the mares smitten with him, the rumors were a little odd since he always acted spooked whenever somepony tried to be a little more than friends with him. Rumors about him not preferring mares were quickly crushed since he lived with the Apples and everypony refused to believe nothing would happen between him and Big Mac if they both actually swung that way.
What truly irked the mares was that through overheard conversations and the like, they knew he lusted after some mares called Nami and Robin. A cultish group covertly formed and vowed to strike down those two broodmares for keeping such a prize of a stallion from them.
All through this, Sanji endured. He struggled, he sweated, and he bled. Although, in the last case, it was usually only when Twilight improved the range of her illusion spell.
◆◆◆
3D2Y
Amidst the myriad of other ships docked at the grove, the boat adorned with a cartoonish pony masthead went unnoticed when it sailed into the port. As soon as it was anchored, a figure leapt off the deck and landed onto the grass.
The man rose. His three piece suit glimmered in the light that managed to filter down through the trees, especially the diamond cufflinks. A man in a fine suit was nothing new on the island though, so his entrance wasn’t noticed until his left eye locked onto a group of women walking by. His mouth gaped open into a vulgar grin while his tongue wagged out of it. While his right eye was hidden behind his hair, his left one had turned into a throbbing heart.
“Women!” he said in a mix of a pant and a cry of joy. “Real women! Viva Sabaody!”
The nearby women flinched backwards at the man’s lustful cries. When he pounced on them, the shrieked and fled. While the man was still in the middle of the air, a hand came down on him and slapped him back to the ground. He crashed into the soil and formed an imprint in it. With a sigh he pulled himself up and looked over at the purple haired woman in a dazzling white dress glaring down at him with her hands at her sides.
“Really, Mr. Sanji,” the woman huffed. “Have you no restraint?”
“You don’t know what it’s like, Rarity!” Sanji shot back.
A small crowd observed the ongoing scene. Two men in particular were staring at the woman while she chewed out the man. One was a portly fellow with short green hair and three swords on his right side that looked quite brittle. The other had an angular face and hair that looked more like dirty mop was glued to is head and over his left eye. It almost looked like a wig. Both men were ugly as sin but the more wary people in the crowd kept their distance from them.
“I don’t get it,” said the green-haired man. “Why chase after girls when you’ve got a woman like that on your crew?”
The mop-haired man looked up at the ship the two had come off of. Five more women were disembarking, all of them quite a sight on the eyes in both body in dress. The only one that didn’t particularly stand out was the lean one in a sports bra and jeans. She made up for it though with the rainbow that flared out of her head. It almost didn’t look like hair.
“Eh.” The mop-haired man shrugged. “Seems like that guy’s got a deal almost as good as ours. We should find ‘Robin’ and get back to the boss though. It’s almost time for the meeting.”
As the pair walked off, the mop-haired man looked back for a split second. “Huh, coulda sworn that woman called him Sanji.”
~~~
“That idiot,” Sanji and Rarity both grimaced.
They both looked out from the coast. The water was already deep and dark just a few meters past the mangrove roots that lined the shore. Sanji sighed, reached into a pocket on his suit and pulled out a sugarcube. He tucked it into the side of his mouth and sighed again.
“I should have known that idiot would do something stupid if he got here first,” he said.
“What do we do?” Rarity asked. “We have to get her and your friend back!”
Sanji sucked on his cube. “Well, my idiot isn’t a problem. We can probably pick him up at Fishman Island. Yo—”
“Look!” someone nearby called out. He pointed down to the sea where a mass over bubbles was rising from the deep. “Something’s surfacing!”
With a great sploosh, a massive galleon burst out of the sea. Everyone nearby gaped at the enormity of the ship and paled at the way it tilted in four different directions. Whispers of a bad coating were halted at the sight of two massive cuts running along the length and the width of the ship.
Rarity and Sanji’s attention when up to the mast where the crow’s nest was. A green haired man in a flowing robe glared at the girl with blue wings extending out of her back floating beside him.
“What is your problem?” the girl yelled.
“I got on the wrong ship, why should you care?” the man grunted.
“Guh!” The girl screamed.
~~~
“I wanna go fishing,” said Zoro as he walked through the groves.
“No!” three voices shouted at him.
Zoro glared at Sanji and then glanced at the two girls. “When did you three become the boss, especially you, number seven?”
“Don’t start with that ranking crap again, moss-head,” Sanji growled. “It’s only a pure miracle you got here first. Don’t let that get to your head!”
“Sure, sorry… number seven.”
Sanji’s eye flared and the temperature around him kicked up. He angled a leg at Zoro. “That’s it! I spent two years in Hell training for this! I’m gonna julienne you like a pepper!”
Zoro glanced at Rarity while his hand slid toward his swords. “Yeah, a real Hell you went though.”
Flames burst off Sanji. Zoro gripped a blade. A light blue barrier or aura shot up in front of Sanji and a blackened wing spread in front of Zoro.
“Mr. Sanji, please!” Rarity pleaded. “If not for me than at least the suit. Think of what your friends will think if they see it dirtied!”
The flames died down and Sanji relaxed. A wide grin spread across his face and a bit of blood dribbled out of his nose.
“Of course,” he giggled. “Can’t ruin seeing Nami and Robin again!”
“Idiot,” said both Dash and Zoro.
~~~
Dust and ash swirled through the air. Swords clanged and gunshot rang through the grove. The smell of battle stung Rarity’s nose. Zoro and Sanji ran a little ahead of her towards the platform all this chaos had started from. Dash stayed at her side but off the ground.
“Luffy!” Zoro called out.
“Luffy!” Sanji yelled. “I knew it! Why are you always in the middle of these messes?”
“Hey!” Luffy shouted with a wide grin on his face. “Zoro! Sanji! I know it’s you this time!”
Zoro, Sanji, Rarity, and Dash sprinted forward but two hulking figures loomed between them and Luffy. They were both identical from the expressionless faces to the their black jackets. They raised their hand and aimed their glowing palms at the group.
“Crud!” Steam rose off Luffy body. “Knew I should’ve taken care of those guys!”
Sanji and Zoro flew at one Pacifista while Dash and Rarity launched themselves at the other. The sharp ring of a well-honed blade rang through the air twice when Zoro brought his blade down on a Pacifista and Dash slashed her wing across one’s neck. Metal dented and cracked when Sanji brought a flaming heel down on a Pacifista’s head. Rarity slammed a glowing hand into the other’s Pacifista’s gut and a mass of crystals exploded out of the wires and circuits from where its head had been.
“Who that devil are those girls?” Sentomaru growled. He glared back at his men. “Capture them along with the other pirates! Do not let the Straw Hats or anyone else escape!”
“S-sir!” One marine pointed a shaky finger to a nearby gathering of marines. Ahead of them, Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji were already sprinting away. In front of the marines though was a lone bearded man. “It… it’s the Dark King!”
Sentomaru ground his teeth. “That still leaves those girls! They obviously had some connection with Straw Hat! The other units will head them off! They’re not leaving this island!”
“Sir!” another marine shouted. A collection of mini transponder snails lined his arm. “We’re getting reports from all over the island! And those girls are now somehow holding back the fifth platoon with four others! The rest of the platoons are in similar situations!”
“What?!” Sentomaru roared.
In the middle of Grove Forty-two a collection of marines stood beside their fallen brethren and raced at the six girls blocking their path. The girl in the orange vest with spun through the air and delivered a kick that sent a score of marines flying. In the split-second before impact, her leg returned to the shape of a hoof, but such a detail was lost in the heat of combat. She landed on the ground and smirked while tipping up her hat.
“Yeehaw!” she exclaimed. “Haven’t had a brawl like this since that time in the Empire with the Changelings!”
“Ha!” Dash uppercut a marine. “I wish. Let’s see some more of those robot guys!”
Sanji, Rarity thought while she fought off the marines alongside her friends. Now’s your chance! I hope we meet again someday, you ravishing stallion!
Across the Archipelago, as the Sunny sunk below the waves, Sanji felt a slight pain in his chest and looked back. He watched the archipelago disappear and managed a smile.
“In another life, mademoiselle, you may have even beat out Robin and Nami” he mused.
“Oh Sanji!” Nami called out.
Sanji spun around. Whatever contemplation was on his face fled and was replaced with a dopey grin and lustful eyes. “Yes?”
“I understand from Zoro you might be missing whatever girls you trained with, but I’d like to go over the coating rules.”
“I…” Sanji blanched for a moment. He then turned a deep red and glared with flaming eyes at Zoro who snickered at him. “I’m gonna kill him!”
~~~
Sanji slowly opened his eyes. He felt a bit of a chill and something jabbing into his arm. Looking down, he saw a tube running up from the needle in his arm to the crimson bags at his side. Chopper was draped over him and letting out a deep sigh into the sheets near Sanji’s torso. Cammie was leaning over him to his right while Luffy and Usopp were stretched across chairs like deflated balloons.
“Where am I?” Sanji asked.
“One of my friends’ homes,” Cammie answered. “You lost most of your blood!”
“I’m so glad we found a donor.” Chopper slumped further into the bed.
“Yeah…” Sanji’s eye snapped to alertness. “Blood? What happened to me?”
"Why won’t the fishmen give us blood?” Luffy moaned. “We ran all over town, but we couldn’t find any humans.”
“I thought it was all over!” Usopp huffed.
“You guys did that for me? Thank you!” Sanji placed a shaky hand up to his face and clenched his jaw. “I can’t remember… what the hell did I do?”
“Don’t try to remember!” Luffy and Usopp shouted.
Usopp sighed and walked over to the partition between Sanji’s bed and the rest of the room and grabbed it. “Your donor really came through for us though. If she hadn’t shown up when she did…”
“You mean…” Sanji’s eye shifted to a heart. “A fair maiden was the one that saved me?”
“Oh, it is nice to hear you call me that, Black Leg,” came a voice from behind the partition.
What was left of Sanji’s blood froze. Usopp fell to the ground when the partition was yanked away by an an unseen force. Luna sat on a bed parallel to Sanji’s with a smile on her human face. Sanji shook like a leaf.
“I know our kind was never your type but it’s nice to know I got to share something with you at least.”
Sanji screamed until foam frothed up from his mouth and then he woke up. Chopper was beside him as were Cammie, Luffy, and Usopp. There was still a tube pumping fresh blood into his arm. He looked at Chopper.
“Whose blood is this?”
“I… Sanji you need to rest,” Chopper stuttered.
“Whose blood?” Sanji repeated.
“A… A woman’s,” Chopper answered.
“Kinda glad she left,” said Usopp. “Not sure seeing her would be the best for your health.”
“Me neither,” Sanji grumbled.
“I wish she’d stayed.” Chopper pressed a hoof to his chin. “I’ve never smelled anything like her before and her bloodwork is like nothing I’ve seen.”
“Yeah, Sanji,” said Luffy, “I wanna know too. How come she knew your name and you kept saying hers in your sleep?”
Sanji reached out and locked his fellow crewmen close and glared at them. “One, that pony is nightmare incarnate. Two, you never tell moss-head about this. Agreed?”
Luffy tipped his head to the side. “Pony?”
Sanji paled. “No…”
A glimmer appeared in Luffy’s eyes. “Is she some kinda devil fruit user?”
“That would explain the wings and the way she moved stuff around,” said Usopp. “Probably a rare kind if it is a devil fruit.”
"And if she knew Sanji, maybe she’s from where he trained,” said Chopper.
Sanji was deathly pale now. All three of his crewmates turned their glimmering eyes at him.
“Sanji, where exactly did you train, anyway?” asked Usopp.