Oh, happy day!
This is the best day you’ve had in… probably ever.
No. It’s definitely the best day ever.
What day is it, you ask? What could possibly have you so excited and overjoyed and genuinely happy and pleased?
It’s the day you’re leaving the hospital! Yay! No more of this hospital bullshit!
No more crappy food. No more ponies making noise right outside your door. No more bed that’s too small. No more heart monitor that beeps and beeps and beeps. No more IVs and shit sticking out of your arm.
From here on out, it’s bed rest, good food, and pills pills pills. Lots of medication in the form of pills.
You can deal with that.
The doctors at the castle will continue to monitor you, give you medication as needed, all that crap. They have enough equipment and medical skill that if you started dying they could probably save you.
It’ll be so nice to be back in bed.
Oh, and you get to sleep with your girlfriend for the first time in months, so yay! Another reason to be happy.
Your love has already returned all of her work back to your room in the castle, prepared for you moving back in.
Speak of the woman, she enters through your hospital door and approaches the bed.
“Okay, I signed you out and everything,” Celestia says, bringing a wheelchair to the side of your bed. “Ready to go?”
“Been ready for months.”
==========
Leaving the hospital and returning home was pretty uneventful. Not many ponies out and about, but whatever.
Important thing is that you’re back.
You thought there was supposed to be a lot of ponies taking your picture or whatever, but you didn’t see any of them. You guess they were cleared out.
Or got tired and went home. You know you would.
The sun has already set at this point. All you have planned for the rest of today is to go upstairs and fall asleep. It’s going to be awesome. Every other task is secondary to that one.
Right now, you don’t even want to talk to anypony. You’ve got a bed that can fit you with your name on it.
“Home, sweet home,” Celestia announces, walking through the main entrance of the castle. You’ve missed this place. It’s even prettier than you remember.
The ceiling looks a lot higher.
“It’s good to be back,” you say. “Where is everypony?”
“Luna’s out, Cadence is out, Twilight and her friends are at dinner, I imagine. I didn’t tell them you were coming back so soon. I’ll let them visit you tomorrow if you’re feeling well enough.”
“Cool.”
It sucks being back in a wheelchair, but eh. What are you going to do? It’s not like you can effectively walk right now.
The chair it is. Most of your time in Equestria has been spent in a wheelchair.
The ride over the castle was uneventful. Not many ponies on the street this late in the evening.
A lot of those ponies are off fighting a war, so the streets are a lot less crowded.
“You’re back!” a voice announces. You look and see your old friend, Captain Shining Armor trotting towards you and your marefriend. “It’s good to have you back,” he says your name. “How are you feeling?”
“Thank you, Shining. I feel like crap. But I’m getting better. How are you doing? How’s Cadance?”
“Great, great, we’re all great. How-”
“As much as I love chit-chat,” Celestia cuts in, “someone really needs their rest. I don’t mean to interrupt, but we really must be going.”
“Oh, of course, Princess.”
“You can catch up later. I need to speak to you a moment, Captain. It’ll just take a second.” Shining agrees and they walk off a bit, leaving you alone in the middle of the giant entry room.
You’re not sure what this room is really called. It’s the first room anyone goes into when entering the castle.
The ceiling is massive, everything looks like it’s made of gold or some other expensive material…
It really gives you a high expectation for the rest of the castle.
“I need to talk to you,” a voice requests, knocking you out of your thoughts. You turn and see that it is none other than your favorite pony in the entire world…
Prince Blueblood.
It’s odd that he’s here, you wouldn’t think he’d want to see you.
“Yeah?” you ask, getting ready for an argument of some kind. Why else would he want to talk to you? “No ‘Hello, Lieutenant, how are you feeling?’ or ‘Sir, I am honored to call you a friend,’ or-”
“Yes, yes, yes, thank you for your service, you’ve saved Equestria, you’re my hero, yadda yadda yadda. I really need to talk to you. It’s urgent.”
“You want to talk to me?”
“That’s what I said, is it not?”
“Not really sure if I want to talk to you right now, Blue. It’s been a great day so far, I don’t want you bringing me down.”
“This matter is bigger than you or me. Much bigger.”
“Fine. What do you want?”
“Did you hear about Quincy Quilton? Aunt Celestia hired him as a political advisor.”
“Yep, met him the other day.”
“Here, come with me for a moment,” he requests, leading you a bit further away from Celestia and Shining, who are still talking.
You don’t go much further before he turns back to you, constantly looking back at Celestia and Shining, as though making sure they can’t hear him.
“My aunt has no idea what she’s done,” he says.
“How so?”
“Well, you said you met Quincy. That in itself should say it all.”
“What are you talking about?” you ask.
“Quincy is an asshole.”
“What? No he’s not, c’mon, he’s-”
“An asshole. We went to Hoofvard together. He puts on a good face when he has to, but if you think I’m conceited-”
“I do.”
“-then you clearly don’t know the real Quincy Quilton.”
“Blue, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I don’t know why you’re telling me you don’t like him. It’s fine you don’t like him, I used to not like him. Are you mad that he’s prettier than you?”
“He is most certainly not more attractive than I, that is for certain. I tried telling my aunts what I thought of Quincy but aunt Luna did not listen and aunt Celestia believes I have a false impression of the stallion. He is unbearable.”
“He seems okay to me. Why are you telling me any of this?”
“Talk some sense into aunt Celestia. She is fooled by his guise, but I am not. I know him for what he truly is: a power hungry, deceitful, attention seeking egomaniac.”
“No offense, but I don’t exactly trust your judgment, Blue. We aren’t exactly friends.”
“Exactly. We aren’t friends. Most of the time I hate you. So why else would I come to you for help unless I was being 100% serious? This stallion could ruin Equestria. If you hated Kiusa, Quincy is 100 times worse!”
“Let’s go!” Celestia announces from the other side of the room, signalling you to come over to her. “Time to get you settled in.”
“Listen to me,” Blue says, getting your attention back. “If we don’t stop him, who will?”
“Stop him from what?”
“Taking over the country! Doing away with us.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“I wish I was. We will speak more of this later. Don’t tell anypony we had this conversation.”
“If I’m not supposed to tell anypony about this then how am I supposed to convince Celestia that Quincy is evil?”
“Okay, just…” he groans. “Tell aunt Celestia that she needs a new advisor. Just leave my name out of it. I don’t want Quincy knowing I’m onto him.”
Blueblood holds his head high and trots away and out of the room.
That was weird. Blueblood never voluntarily talks to you. He sounded worried. And serious.
Eh. He’s probably just jealous of his school buddy.
It was odd hearing Blueblood call Quincy all those names, as they are also names that can be thrown right back at him.
You don’t know what to think of it. Perhaps you’ll just forget that conversation ever even happened. No sense in dwelling over the weird shit.
It’s a busy enough time as it is without making political enemies. You’re not here to make enemies. You’re just here to please Celestia.
“You okay?” Celestia asks, joining you at your side again.
“Mm-hmm,” you respond, not knowing what to say. “Fine.”
==========
Those painkillers don’t fuck around. The doctor said they’d take your pain away, and guess what they did!
They took your pain away.
Not only that, but they stoned you out of your freaking mind. You haven’t felt this relaxed in your entire life.
Or, at least not since you first arrived in Equestria. You remember those painkillers. You were all hopped up on them when you tried to escape the hospital in Ponyville. So, perhaps then you weren’t “relaxed,” really. You were just stoned and confused and horrified.
Now you’re relaxed and stoned, which is a great combination.
You remember the first time you got all hopped up on drugs in Equestria (not recreationally, but medically), you thought it was funny that all the talking ponies were trolling around, then thought it was weird that once you got sober, all the talking ponies remained. Now that you’re high again, you hope that once you sober up all the ponies are still around. You’ve gotten too used to them.
The world has never felt like a more comfortable place. Only thing is, your shoulder, stomach, and thigh feel pretty tender and oddly numb, so that’s weird. You know why they feel that way, and it’s not like they hurt, but it’s not like they don’t hurt. It’s an odd sensation.
You can’t help but poke your tender stomach. It feels… squishy. It’s like you’re a sponge. It’s like you’re part sponge.
“Stop doing that,” Celestia commands, moving your hand away from your stomach with a hoof.
She does that every once in a while. She laid you down on that giant purple cushion in front of the fireplace that you love so much. You’ve really missed this thing. It’s soft, it smells nice, and most importantly, it’s big enough to fit you and Celestia. She’s resting right next to you.
The worst thing about dating a pony, especially one as large as her, is that ponies and humans do not sit down and relax the same way.
For example, if a human was going to lie down on their bed and watch a movie or something like that, a human would lie on their back, so that their head is at the top of the bed. But if a pony was to lie down to watch a movie, they’d lie on their stomach, with their head at the foot of the bed. Complete opposites.
Humans could lie on their stomachs too, but that’d get uncomfortable after a little bit. Humans aren’t supposed to sit like that. A pony could lie on their back, but they don’t particularly enjoy that, you have come to find. Ponies don’t rest so easily on their backs; it makes them feel awkward with all their legs just dangling around.
So, lying down is weird, but so is just sitting. If a human sits, they’d prefer a chair to support their physique. If a pony sits, they can just sit on a cushion on the floor and be perfectly comfortable. That’s the closest you get to relaxing the same way.
Now you’re lying flat on your back, staring up at the ceiling. It’s the most comfortable position for you, given your injuries.
What really sucks is, not just your injuries, but the inconvenience of where you received all of them. You can’t turn on your right side because of your shoulder. You can’t turn on your left side because of your thigh. You can’t lie on your stomach because of your stomach.
Only option is your back, and that isn’t even that comfortable. When you got shot, all the arrows went through you and out your back, so your back aches too. Life’s just difficult sometimes.
Celestia is lying next to you, reading all of her papers of whatever it is she does. You really don’t know what she does. But, there is a war going on, so whatever it is she is doing, you’re sure there’s a lot of it. Work work work.
She likes having you next to her when she works. You used to be able to distract her pretty well, but you don’t think you can do that anymore. You can’t really move on your own, and talking is kinda… not difficult, but not easy.
She’s even more beautiful now than she ever has been. You need to tell her that. A compliment like that can go a long way.
“You’re beautiful,” you whisper, reaching out to poke her wing with a single finger, ruffling her feathers. You forgot how soft those were.
“I know,” she casually responds.
Well, it was worth a shot.
“But thank you, baby,” she kisses your cheek before resuming her work.
Perhaps it isn’t a good idea to distract her. There’s a lot of things she needs to go through. So busy.
The only one who isn’t busy around here, and won’t be busy for a while, is you. That’s a shame. What are you supposed to do?
Celestia mentioned that Twilight and her friends were in town, maybe they’ll come over for a visit tomorrow. That’d be great, actually. You haven’t seen them in a very long time.
If they don’t, you don’t know who you can talk to. The only reason Celestia took you out of the hospital early was so that you’d be by her side more often, but even now you won’t be by her very much. She’s got work and you can’t move.
During most of the day, Celestia will have to go places and do things. You can’t go with her. Maybe Shining is around? You haven’t even asked.
Luna might be here somewhere. You haven’t seen her in months. Sometimes she pops up in your dreams, but that hardly counts. You’ve been too drugged recently to remember dreams.
And that’s a very good thing. If you were able to remember dreams, or didn’t have medicine to keep you asleep, you’re worried you’d have some unpleasant flashbacks. PTSD and all that.
“Where’s Luna?” you ask.
“Uh…” She puts a document down and picks another one up. “Fillydelphia, right now, I think. She’s travelling this week. She’s travelling for me.”
“Travelling for you?”
“Mm-hmm. Public appearances, meetings… she’ll go north to meet with General Longstreet, get some status updates… planning… she loves a good war, Luna. She hasn’t been this perky in a millenia.”
“She’s doing all that alone?”
“For the next couple weeks she is, yes. But trust me, she loves it. When she discovered Equestria was being attacked, I thought she was going to kiss me. She has a dark mind, my little sis, but I love her.”
Celestia sighs, remembering something.
“You should’ve seen her when we fought Discord the first time. She’s always been shy, has always gotten nervous talking to ponies… she used to be very agoraphobic... but she knows how to stand up for herself. When Discord tried to keep her down… she became a completely different mare. Fighting Discord was the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She loves war. Something about it makes her… a completely different pony. I mean that in a good way, I know you know she isn’t a psychopath, I don’t want to make her sound like a maniac.”
“I know what you mean, baby. I’ve met Luna.”
Celestia giggles at your comment.
None of that surprises you in the slightest. Luna loves war and fighting and not getting along with ponies? Well, no shit. The first time you met her, she was pretty rude to you. She isn’t the most socially aware pony in the world, so it may have been unintentional, but your first impressions of Luna was that she is a hard ass.
You still think that way for the most part, with the occasional exception. She can be a cutie when she wants to, but she usually does so accidentally.
She can also be a vicious warrior when she wants to be, apparently. Not surprising. She scares you sometimes, especially when she pops up in your dreams.
She has been known to prank you in your dreams. Her sense of humor has gotten a lot better since she started hanging out with you. Her sense of humor used to be nonexistent, then it was just dark as hell.
You told Luna about pranks around the time you first started hanging out, and she loved the idea, so you helped her out. What you didn’t expect is that she would practice on you.
One night, you had a dream. You can’t remember what it was about, but you were in a field of flowers on a sunny day, just fucking around. Pinkie Pie was there, hopping around, singing.
Then, out of nowhere, the sky turned blood red, the flowers around you wilted and died and turned to ashes, Pinkie Pie’s flesh melted until she became a smiling skeleton, the ground shook, thunder and lightning was all you heard until the sun darkened and grew a disfigured face, and that face stared deep into your soul before laughing. It was the most evil laugh you’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing. The last thing you heard it say was “Sweet dreams!”
It was horrifying. You woke up sweating. A few minutes later, Luna knocked on your door to ask you how she did. You said it was awful, which only confused her. She needed a lot of work.
That wasn’t as much of a prank as it was a terrible way to mentally fuck with someone. You had trouble sleeping for the next few days, to say the least, and you were always paranoid that Luna was out to get you.
“Stop poking your injuries,” Celestia says again, moving your hand away. You didn’t even realize you were doing it.
“Luna’s fun,” you observe out loud.
“Very fun.”
“But she isn’t as big as you.”
“No, sweetie.”
“That’s why you’re the big sister.”
You laugh. What a clever observation! Not only is Celestia older sister of the two, but she’s also physically larger! Ha! What fun!
Your love smiles, not looking at you, but you’re staring at her. You love it when she smiles, she’s so cute.
You think ‘cute’ is the right word to describe her right now. There are some women out there who are hot, there are some who are cute, there are some who are sexy, there are some who are beautiful…
There are even fewer women that can capture all qualities, but Celestia is one of them, you think. She can be anything she wants.
Especially sexy.
But right now she’s just cute. Well, she’s more than cute, she’s… well, she’s gorgeous, but she’s just being cute right now. Give it a few minutes, maybe she’ll be something else.
“Stop doing that, dear,” she repeats patiently, moving your hand away from your stomach again. She’s the most patient woman you’ve ever met. She’s like a very experienced mom.
That would make Celestia a milf. That’s so hot. You love milfs.
She kinda is like a mother, if you think about it. She’s, like, 5,000 years old, she’s great with kids, she’s very personable, she’s personally invested in her subject’s lives, and genuinely wants what’s best for everypony she rules over.
She’s the great matriarch of Equestria. Equestria wouldn’t exist without her, so she’s figuratively the mother of this country, and does her best to literally act like the mother of this country.
She treats all of her subjects like her very own children. It’s endearing. Sometimes, she treats you like a child. A child that she’s had…
Okay, that’s enough of that thought. Best to derail those thoughts early. Ahem.
You miss email. It’s funny how you miss the things you used to have and not even recognize. Email was very important until you came to a land of happiness, where ironically, the internet doesn’t exist.
Getting letters is fun and all, but it’s not as much fun as when you were a kid. When you were a kid, getting a letter was like getting a present. Now it’s probably a bill of some kind or some foreign prince trying to scam you for money.
“Sweetheart, stop poking your belly, please.”
Celestia keeps talking to you, but her words aren’t really registering. She’s probably curious as to why your stomach feels so squishy too. Who wouldn’t be? It is awfully squishy. You hope Celestia doesn’t use you as a sponge; you enjoy life as a human.
You start to tear up, afraid for your future.
“Oh, baby,” you hear Celestia say softly, draping a wing over your body. “What’s wrong? Don’t cry,” she giggles.
She always has been so kind to you. How can you ever repay her generosity? The only way you can think of is that you can allow her to do what she wants with you.
And she wants to use you as a sponge… you cannot escape your fate.
“I-I’m afraid,” you whisper, a tear escaping.
Be strong! You cannot show weakness, especially not in front of her. You must get control of yourself. Breathe deep.
It’s not working.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Celestia asks, sounding very serious. She nuzzles your cheek, wiping your tears with her snout. “What are you afraid of?”
“I-I-I…” You can’t stop stuttering, you can hardly control your breathing. “I don’t want to be a sponge.”
“You don’t want to be a sponge?” she giggles, sounding confused. “That’s fine, honey. You aren’t a sponge. You never will be a sponge.”
“I already am!” You poke your stomach again. “Ow.”
“Baby, stop poking yourself. Put your hands on my wing, I want to see your hands.”
You reach up and hold the top of her wing like it’s a blanket. You look up into her big purple eyes… How you’ve missed those eyes… You see her smiling gleefully down at you. Should you be afraid of that smile? It warms your heart to see, but at the same time, it makes you nervous. Celestia is very gifted, magically speaking; she can turn you into whatever she wants.
“Now, let’s talk a bit,” she puts down her papers and turns a bit more towards you. “Why do you think you’re a sponge?”
“B-Because-”
“Ah! Hands where I can see them.” You didn’t even realize that you began moving a hand back down towards your stomach again, but Celestia caught you. You meekly put both hands back on her wing again.
“B-Because I’m squishy and absorbent now.”
“Absorbent?”
“Like a spo-onge.”
“Aren’t drugs just amazing?” she asks, nuzzling your cheek with her snout. Feeling her warm breath on your face is steadily calming your nerves. “Now listen closely to me, okay? You’re not a sponge. I don’t want you as a sponge.”
“Y-You don’t?”
“No, baby. I want you as my boyfriend. I want you only as my boyfriend, for me to cuddle and take care of and love as long as I want. I don’t want to wash dishes with you.”
“But I’m squishy now.”
“I don’t care if you’re squishy, I just care that you’re healthy...-ish… And you only continue to get healthy if you stop aggravating your injuries. So no more poking?”
“I can’t promise that.”
“Okay, I’m going to put you on my back.”
Your entire body is surrounded by a bright golden glow before you feel yourself lifted into the air. Celestia turns you over, and very slowly, eases you down on your stomach on her back. She positions you so that you are straddling her, your legs on top of her respective wings, your cheek on her neck. She grips your hands lightly in her magic, pulling them around her neck so that they are resting on her chest.
“Keep those hands right where they are,” she commands. “I’ll wrap this up and in a few minutes we can go to bed. Sound good?”
You’re not even listening. This is the first time you’ve sat on Celestia in months. You forgot how firm and muscular she was. And her wings are so soft! Oh God.
Her fur is so smooth. Has it always been this smooth? It’s smooth and… what’s the word… not bumpy… it’s kinda wavy. It’s like rubbing your face against a ruffles potato chip. Well, it’s probably like that anyways. You’ve never rubbed your face against a ruffles potato chip, but if you did, it’d be like rubbing your face against Celestia. It’s because her fur is kinda prickly, but in a soft, comfortable way.
You rub your cheek against her neck. The feeling is just amazing.
“Mmmmh,” you moan, feeling more comfortable than you probably ever have. “Mmh-mmh-mhh.”
You hear Celestia chuckle as you feel her shift around a bit. “I’m so happy to have you back.”
You’re still not listening. She’s saying words, and you hope she continues to say as much as she wants because she vibrates when she talks, because of her voice box or whatever reason. Anyway, it’s a great feeling. You’ve gotten completely over that Celestia was thinking of turning you into a kitchen cleaning device.
“You’re naked,” you observe, realizing that she’s not wearing her shoes or necklace or crown or anything else. It’s weird that you consider her naked just because she isn’t wearing shoes. Like, what exactly qualifies someone as being naked?
Is she technically always naked, even with her necklace and shoes and crown thingy? You think so. Like, she may sometimes wear shoes, but that doesn’t stop you from seeing her va-
“So are you,” Celestia responds.
“Yeah,” you chuckle. “But you’re really naked.”
“Yes, baby, I’m really naked. So naked.”
You laugh. You love it when Celestia talks. She has such a sweet voice.
Despite the mild pain in those damaged parts of your body, lying on your stomach right now is pretty good. Your stomach doesn’t feel as good as it did a few minutes ago, but it’s all right. Nothing beats lying on top of Celestia.
Your shoulder also hurts from stretching it upwards to have your arm around Celestia’s neck. It’s sore, so it’s not painful, but not the best feeling. Still though, there is no place you’d rather have your arm. Hugging Celestia the way you are is a show of affection, and you will continue to show your affection for your love so that she feels special, even if it is painful.
Nothing more special than a hug.
The only thing that could make this situation better is some music. Music would be great. It would be awesome if you still had your laptop or phone. There was music on that.
You could play a little romantic music, set the mood… Maybe you could run out and pick up some chocolates. Girls love chocolate. You should get a bunch of the little chocolates in one of those red hearts. It’s not Valentine’s Day (or the Equestrian equivalent), but somepony is probably selling some chocolate hearts.
It is a little late, though. Maybe some place is open?
Celestia probably wouldn’t let you leave. She won’t even let you stand up. There must be another way to be romantic. You haven’t been romantic in a very long time.
You’d kiss her, but she has a tall neck, so it’s a long way up. What’s more romantic than a loving kiss?
Nothing, probably. Except chocolate. And gondola rides. You can’t provide either.
If only your phone was still alive. You still haven’t forgotten about it, even though it was destroyed years ago. You remember texting and the internet and music. Did you have any romantic music on your phone? Anything Celestia would like? Maybe you can serenade her. She’d adore that. You could do your Barry White impression for her. The ladies love Barry White. Nothing gets them wetter, faster.
Girls love that kinda stuff, right? If only you had the internet to look it up. The internet had all the answers. It was amazing. But at the same time, it was awful. Very confusing.
Perhaps it’s for the best that the internet doesn’t exist. It was great for porn, and you miss porn, but you know what you don’t miss?
Youtube comments.
Youtube comments are the absolute worst. Nobody ever gets along, a lot of the comments don’t even pertain to the video, people say awful things, grammar is shit, and most of the most popular comments were just puns. It wasn’t anything insightful.
People say the meanest things sometimes. They wouldn’t say those things in person, probably. The internet gives power to mean people sometimes.
It took you a while to even get into porn in Equestria. It’s an odd change to start finding ponies sexually appealing. Once you got there, you haven’t looked back, and they are hot in their own way, but it’s different.
They even have their own Playboy equivalent in Equestria. They have equivalents for everything in Equestria that was in your old life. From city names to porn magazines, Equestria’s got it all.
It’s weird they have nude magazines, considering everypony is naked all the time anyway. It doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to catch a glance of some mare’s backside if that’s what you wanted to do. Sometimes their tails aren’t even against their backsides, making peeking that much easier.
You mean, it used to make peaking easier. You don’t do that anymore, you’re in a happy relationship again. So, no peeking. Well, you still peak on Celestia, but that’s easy because she she has a big butt and she’s tall, so it’s always right in your face.
However, when you did used to do it, it was easy. Now, this is just an example, but take Rarity. She has a beautiful tail, and it extends off her rump quite a ways. It’s not gentlemanly to look - and you never did on purpose! But if she was turned away from you, it didn’t take a whole lot of effort to see whatever you wanted.
Now you just peak on Celestia… and Luna sometimes, but that’s because she has a big butt too; it runs in the family. And Cadence… Sometimes Twilight when you see her… and her friends...
Maybe you should stop thinking these thoughts before Celestia reads your mind and destroys you.
It’s only natural to look, right? It’s not like you were doing it on purpose. For God’s sake, why does peeking have to be so easy?!
Look, you don’t do it anymore. Not on purpose, anyways. If you weren’t supposed to look, they wouldn’t be naked. No harm in looking anyways.
“Excited?” your love asks, not turning to look at you or anything.
“Hmm?” you ask, not paying attention to her either. But, it suddenly dawns on you that you have an erection, and it is grinding into your marefriend in her back. “How is that even possible?”
“I was about to ask the same thing. You’re on a lot of medication.”
“Maybe it’s a side effect.”
You think it’s a little weird that you can even still feel that part of your body. Surely with all the medication you’re on, it would be numb. But hey! You’re not complaining, and Celestia doesn’t seem to be either.
“And do you know…” you begin, but forget where you were going for a moment. “Do you know what the side effect of a boner is?”
“No, dear. What is the side effect of a boner?”
You laugh, nuzzling your head into your love’s neck. It’s so funny hearing her say “boner.” Ha! Has she ever said that word in her entire life? She doesn’t look like the kind of pony to use dirty language like that.
“What’s so funny?” she giggles.
You take a minute to recompose yourself.
“Sex,” you giggle. “Sex is the side effect of a… boner.”
You start laughing again, and hear Celestia join in with you a bit, though she still isn’t giving you full attention. She’s very busy, but she’s a great multitasker. As she laughs, her chest rapidly expands and contracts, bouncing you up and down a bit. You hug around her neck a bit tighter so you don’t slide off her back.
“So I think…” You laugh, trying to think of something romantic to say. This is your chance. “...We should have sex.”
Boom.
Celestia chuckles. “Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetie.”
“Why not?”
“Well, you can barely move by yourself, and if I got on top of you with you in this condition, you would die.”
You laugh again, nuzzling your cheek against her neck. “Worth it.”
“I’d much rather not kill you. We will have plenty of time for… sex and all that good stuff later.”
“We have plenty of time for that now. I’m not allowed to get out of bed for a long time.”
“Yes, sir.” She flips through a few more papers.
You forgot what you were just talking about. You think it was important, but if it was all that important, you wouldn’t have forgotten it in the first place. Logic.
What you do remember is that Celestia’s body is very nice and smooth and comfortable. Her short fur is tickling your skin sending chills through your body. You shiver.
“Are you cold, sweetie?” Celestia asks, but you’re not paying attention again. Even though you don’t respond, and don’t hear her in the first place, Celestia drapes a blanket over her back and over you. You hardly recognize that new sensation, but you do feel warmer now.
You nuzzle into her neck again as you stretch your legs, starting to feel a little cramped. You squeeze your marefriend tightly, not wanting to fall off, while you extend your legs, feeling Celestia’s body the whole time with your legs and feet.
You feel the soft feathers of her wings, her slender waist, and her wide hips, stretching your feet all the way down to her flanks.
“I’ve missed your butt,” you say, now really wanting to turn yourself around to play with it. Celestia probably wouldn’t let you do that right now. You’ve missed touching her cutie mark.
“I’ve missed your butt too.”
“No, I mean it.”
“I mean it too, sweetie,” she giggles.
You laugh as well, but don’t know exactly why. All you know is that your favorite being in the universe’s existence is happy and laughing, so you are now too.
Laughing is so much fun. It’s a good thing Celestia and you do it together pretty often. Her laugh is so cute; hearing it makes you feel warm.
You cease your stretching and settle down again, your eyelids feeling heavy. You relax your legs so that they are resting on the purple pillow once again, and you can feel her wings with your thighs.
You shift up her body a bit, trying to get your sore form closer to your lover’s face. She’s kissed you a couple times this night, but you haven’t kissed her all day. You want to be the one to kiss her. It’s not fair that she’s the only one kissing you. That’s not fair.
You’re tired. Is it bedtime yet? She said you were going to go to bed in a few minutes, and that was more than a few minutes ago. That was many minutes ago. Probably. Either time is moving a lot slower or a little faster than usual. You can’t tell.
How can you tell your love that you’re tired? Nothing logically comes to mind. Perhaps you should try climbing her neck until you reach her face. Then you could give her a goodnight kiss. She’d understand then. Show her some affection and tell her you’re tired. Kill two birds with one stone.
With your sore arms, you pull on her neck, trying to get closer, but it’s hard. And it’s starting to hurt. With one giant effort, you manage to pull yourself forwards about one full inch. That’s it.
Now you’re exhausted.
“How’d you ever get so big?” you ask your mare after a deep breath. “You’re so big and... nice and soft and big… You’re so cuddly and big. Like a… sexy teddy bear.”
You rub the side of your face against your love’s long neck, feeling her short white fur tickle your cheek. While straddling her, you feel the soft feathers of her wings unintentionally caress your inner thighs. You love it.
“And you have wings. Wings are the best thing ever. They make you look so hot. I wish I had wings so I could cuddle you with them. Then you would know how cuddly they are. And they’re so pretty; they make you look like an angel.”
Celestia laughs again, reaching a hoof up to hold your hand against her chest. “I love you, sweetie.”
If there was someway for you to move yourself, you would sit up straighter, maybe give Celestia a kiss, maybe get a glass of water. There’s a whole world of opportunity that can be explored when you can move.
But you can’t move. So your world now looks like the back of your marefriend. Maybe she’ll take you places and you can ride her around. She doesn’t want to carry you around in public; she’s told you that before. She enjoys doing it in private, though.
She still refuses to put on a saddle. Humans were never meant to ride horses. If you were, you wouldn’t have testicles between your legs.
She’d look so hot in a saddle. One of the first technically pornographic images you saw of a pony in Playcolt (Equestria’s Playboy equivalent) was two mares standing on their hind legs, leaning against one another, both wearing saddles.
It was a confusing experience for a little while. They wanted someone to take them for a ride. Even nowadays a lot of it doesn’t make sense. Ponies even wear saddles outside of porn mags, just for everyday purposes. As far as you can tell, saddles serve literally no purpose. Why do they wear them? No one rides these ponies. You ride one of them, and she’s the only one you know who outright refuses a saddle.
Humans don’t wear saddles. You know why? Because no one rides humans. Not literally, anyway.
“You know,” you tiredly begin, grabbing at her firm chest. “If you were a human, you’d be so… so beautiful…”
Just the thought of your beloved being a human is making you tear up. The mental image you have of her is nothing short of immaculate.
Of course, she’s perfect now as a pony, but if she was a human, she’d still be perfect. Just in a different kind of perfect way. She’d be tall, have a big butt, have awesome hair, and be way out of your league… It’s a good thing pony Celestia doesn’t think she’s out of your league.
“Aww, thank you, sweetie,” Celestia says, looking at her papers. You can’t read what they say.
You’ve always liked it when you were on top of Celestia and she started talking. Her voice makes vibrations and they go through your body, and now that you’re on painkillers, it feels wonderful.
“And you’d have the biggest boobs,” you add. “They’d be beautiful. And they’d be huge. And they’d be right here.”
You grope at her chest, squeezing her soft fur, letting her know where boobs on a human go. It’s a good thing you can still remember that information.
“And I could touch them all the time, whenever I want.”
“Big boobs?” she asks, not sounding nearly as interested or as excited as you are.
“The biggest. Like, more than a D cup. A G cup, probably.”
“And you would find that attractive?”
“Ooh yeah. Heh.”
“And I’d let you touch them?” she asks, turning through papers again.
“If I was being nice, you would. You let me touch your chest now, so...” You squeeze her fur on her chest, massaging her to the best of your inebriated ability.
“Yes, but I don’t have anything on my chest now.”
You stop massaging for a moment to think, then you start massaging again. “That’s true. But you like me, don’t you?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And girls let guys they like touch their boobs. So, boom, there you have it.”
“I’m beginning to think you’d prefer it if I was a human,” she teases.
Given your delirious state, you don’t hear the playful teasing in her voice. You hear nothing but complete seriousness.
And you feel terrible.
How could you have done this to the mare you love? After everything you’ve been through today, you go and do this? Shame on you. Shame.
How could you make her feel bad for just being who she is? She can’t help it that she isn’t human. She can’t help it that she’s a pony. What is wrong with you? She has done nothing but try to love you, and this is what you do to her?
Tears begins falling from your eyes, quickly running down your cheeks. As your head is still on your love’s neck, your tears immediately mat down her fur. You gotta get your breathing under control… again.
You haven’t felt this bad since you were going to be turned into a sponge.
“Aww, don’t cry, honey!” Celestia chuckles, bouncing you up and down a bit. She puts a hoof on your hand, holding it tightly against her chest. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
“I-I made you feel bad for being a pony.”
“Oh? When was this?”
“A-About 15 seconds ago.”
She laughs again. “Okay, I think you’ve been up long enough. It’s bedtime.”
“Are we going to bed now?”
“You are going to bed now. I’ll get in bed with you, I just have a few more things to scan over before tomorrow morning.”
“Y-Yay,” you whisper, still crying.
“All right, up we go,” Celestia says, steadily rising to her feet. The first part of her to rise up are her hind legs, throwing you forward a bit so that your shoulder is hard pressed against her neck for a couple moments until her forelegs straighten up as well. “Let’s get you to bed. You’re very tired.”
“I-I’m so s-sorry. I love you so m-much.” Hold it together, hold it together.
“I know you do, baby,” Celestia laughs. She’s been chuckling a lot tonight. You can feel her muscles through her soft fur. She’s so strong. “It’s been a long day, so let’s just get some rest.”
“I’m not tired,” you yawn. Wait, why did Celestia stand up? Where are you going now? Why are you crying? “Where are you taking me?”
“Where do you want to go, baby?”
“I’ll go anywhere with you.”
“Aww!”
“Maybe I should go to bed… Or Mulligan’s! I could use a drink.”
“Bed it is.”
“Damn.”
Celestia takes the blanket off your back, tossing it onto her purple pillow before lifting you up with her magic and lying you on your back on the bed. It’s amazing how soft the bed is. Was is always this soft? Oh God, you feel like you’re sinking.
If you sink all the way into the mattress, you think Celestia would save you. She wouldn’t let you sink. Can you drown in a bed? Celestia’s like a lifeguard… A big, sexy lifeguard. She could be in Baywatch.
A few moments later, Celestia crawls in bed on the opposite side of the mattress, which lifts your side of the mattress up, saving you from sinking. It’s because she weighs a lot more than you do, but you’d never tell her that. For one, she already knows she weighs more, and two, you don’t want to make her feel fat, mainly because she isn’t fat, but also because you enjoy not being killed.
Celestia drapes the blanket overtop both of you, but you hardly realize it. She scooches up to your side, turning so that she is lying on her back, and levitates a few documents over so that she can read them.
The room gets a little darker as Celestia magically blows out most of the candles, leaving the room to be illuminated only by the fireplace and the candles on her side of the bed.
Now that you’re back into bed, it’s cuddle time. It’s a good thing you have your old cuddle partner back, these past few months without her have made cuddle time difficult. Cuddling a pillow isn’t as much fun.
You gradually manage to turn on your side to face your Princess, reaching a hand out and putting it on her chest.
“Ah ah ah,” she admonishes. “Not right now, I want you sleeping on your back the next few days.” She lies you down again, keeping you on your back.
Why is she pushing you away? Does she not wish to snuggle? You don’t logically see why she wouldn’t want this. She hasn’t had a cuddle partner in a long time too.
Oh well. Old habits die hard, so you try again.
“No,” Celestia says, keeping you down with a hoof.
“Just a little bit,” you request, powering past her defenses. “Just a little snuggle, baby.” You grab her hoof and wrap it around your shoulders, forcing her to hug you, and she doesn’t resist.
“Okay, fine, but just for a little bit.”
“Yay.” You forgot what you were excited about, but you still feel excited. It’s probably because you’re so close to your beloved. She isn’t making cuddling easy. She would normally turn towards you around this time of night, but she’s still lying on her back. Cuddling will be tough in this position.
You scooch up to her side so that your chest and stomach are pressed against her wing before putting an arm around her, wrapping her up as best as you physically can. Both of her wings are folded against her barrel, so you take your extended arm and slip your hand in between her wing and her body, massaging her sensitive side.
Celestia releases a breath, which you take as a sign of her comfort. She’s so cute. You can feel her heart beating through her chest.
If you were in better shape, you’d pick up your head and try to put it on her chest. But, she’s a big pony, and the top of her chest is a very long way away. That’s a great shame. How else are you supposed to show your love to your woman? Cuddling is always good, but your cuddling is subpar right now.
You know you’ve said it a lot today, and over the past few days, but does she actually understand how much you love her? She doesn’t look like she does. You look up at her face to see what she’s doing, and she’s just reading through her papers. Does she know you’re still here?
You give her side a kiss before looking back up to her face, but she’s still reading, not acknowledging your presence.
She’s so cute. She’s a big pony, lying in her bed, reading something, looking serious… it’s just so cute! This whole situation is just so bizarre that you have to laugh.
“My little pony,” you say, chuckling the entire time. You hear Celestia say that all the time when she’s talking about her subjects, because they’re little, they’re ponies, and they’re hers. It’s so adorable. Now you have turned the tables. “You’re my little pony and I love you.”
You squeeze her as hard as you can, which unfortunately isn’t very hard, but you try.
Has anyone ever called Celestia ‘my little pony?’ You hope not. It’d be a lot funnier if you were the first to say it.
“I love you too, sweetie,” Celestia says, not looking away from her papers.
She doesn’t seem amused. You thought that line would’ve gotten her. Damn. Gotta keep trying.
The soft surface of the bed combined with Celestia’s warm body is going to make you pass out. Your breathing is starting to slow down and your eyelids feel heavier.
You scratch her delicate side, because you know everyone likes to be scratched. It just feels great, and if Celestia could do it to you, you’re sure she would. She definitely would. She’s a sweetheart like that.
“Mmmh,” you coo, rubbing your face against Celestia’s side. “You wanna know something, baby?”
“What’s that dear?”
“I’ve always wanted to pick you up, like the cute little pony you are, and kiss you and hug you and snuggle you and make all your cares go away. I’ve always wanted to do that, but I can’t.”
“But baby, you already do all those things.”
“I mean it literally. I can’t pick you up because you’re too big.” Oops, you forgot you weren’t supposed to imply that Celestia is fat.
“Well, I suppose that’s true. But I don’t need somepony who can pick me up. I need somepony who can kiss me and hug me and snuggle me and make all my cares go away. You do that for me, baby. You’re all I need.”
“Really?” you ask, looking up at her, but she’s still looking at her papers.
“Really really.”
She always has been a great multitasker. She’s working on what you can only assume is some super important shit while simultaneously being romantic as hell and loving to you. You wouldn’t be able to do those at the same time.
She’s so smart. She could be a scientist; but not just any scientist. She could be one of those super smart scientists they have on the news sometimes to talk about global warming and intellectual things like that. You wouldn’t be able to go on the news and talk about global warming.
They technically don’t even have the news in Equestria because television doesn’t exist. If television did exist, you wonder what kind of shows ponies would have. Would they have soap operas like humans do?
It’d be interesting to see.
Celestia floats her multiple papers over to her bedside table, sighing deeply. It wasn’t a sigh of happiness or comfort or content. More of a sigh of frustration.
“Alright,” Celestia whispers, rolling over and off the bed. “Time for me to get ready for bed too.”
Now that your love has removed herself from your soft mattress, you have begun sinking back into it again. The only thing keeping you buoyant was her weight, but now that she’s gone, you’re going to drown. You’re going to drown in a mattress. Oh God.
You can only watch in panic and horror as your love goes into the bathroom, abandoning you to your fate. Nothing can be done.
You’ve lived an okay life. Sure, you were shot a few times, and that was probably in the top 20 list of worst things that have ever happened to you, but at least you had sex before dying. It’s just a good experience to have before death.
Meeting Celestia is in the top 7 best things to have happened to you. If you were going to die a slow, painful death, at least you’ll do it with her in the next room.
Drowning has always scared you. The thought of air being replaced with liquid is a terrifying thought. Even though there isn’t any liquid here, you still think this constitutes as drowning.
As you sink and sink deeper into the depths of the mattress, breathing becomes more difficult. Your vision gradually blackens, as there is nothing to see but the mattress that you are becoming one with.
Life is ending. You never even got to say goodbye to your beloved. She’ll be mortified when she discovers you, surely. You never got to say goodbye to Luna. You never even met your children.
Before the darkness completely consumes you, you feel something grip and lift you, tearing you away from the blackness.
“This is why I wanted you on your back,” Celestia sighs, picking you up and turning you over.
That’s what she said.
“What happened?” you ask, feeling dazed and confused and are suddenly able to breathe. Your vision is filled with the glorious colors and surroundings that are in your bedroom. Oh how you missed these things.
“Your face was right in the pillow and you were talking to yourself.”
That’s not exactly how you remember it. You were drowning in the ocean just a minute ago.
“Don’t do that again. You’ll suffocate and die.”
What the hell is ‘suffocate?’
“Okay, now…” Celestia walks to your side of the bed, holding some things in her magical grasp but you can’t tell what they are. “One more pill before before bedtime.”
“I don’t want the pill,” you pout, starting to feel sore all over. Pills are for babies, and you’re an adult.
“If you don’t take it you’ll get grumpy and achey.”
“No I won’t.” You cross your arms.
Celestia levitates a blue pill and a glass of water in front of your face. She gives you a stern look, having had enough of your insolence. You’ve learned that, because she is a Princess, your girlfriend doesn’t deal with insubordination very well. When she tells you to do something, you have to do it or she’ll have you publically executed for treason. Even if it is just a simple matter, like taking medicine.
“Forgive me, My Lady,” you plead. “I will do as you request.”
“Good,” she smiles. “Now open up.”
You open your mouth and Celestia places the pill on your tongue before putting the glass of water up to your lips. She tilts the glass down a bit, allowing you to drink the water and swallow the pill. Medication is fun.
“Good boy,” she whispers, stroking your hair.
“What did I just eat?”
“Your medicine.”
“Oh. What does it do?”
“It’ll help you sleep. You need to get some rest. I shouldn’t have let you stay up as late as you have.”
“Cuddle time again now,” you announce, seeing Celestia returning to her side of the bed.
“Yes, baby, it’s cuddle time.”
“It’s cuddle time,” you quietly repeat.
“Mm-hmm...”
“Can you lie on me?”
“Can I lie on you?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think that’s a great idea. I’ll lie next to you, sweetie, how does that sound?”
You forgot what you were talking about again. What did she say?
Celestia climbs back into bed, lifting your side of the mattress up, and scooches up to your side. You’re not allowed to move, as Celestia has commanded you stay on your back, but you’re electing to disobey her. You may be charged with insubordination, but you gotta do what you gotta do for cuddle time.
You turn on your side, reaching your arms out and wrapping them around Celestia once she gets close enough. She’s way too big for you to completely wrap up, but you’re small enough for Celestia to wrap up. Thankfully, as is proper for cuddle time, your Princess is now lying on her side as well, facing you.
Your love wraps you up in her forelegs while you put your head against her chest and your hands on her slender waist. You move your fingers up and down her sides, trying to massage her to the best of your ability, but you’re starting to feel really drowsy. Sleep is coming for you.
Celestia’s fur is so smooth. What kind of shampoo does she use? You should know that.
“Sleepy?” Celestia whispers, running a soft hoof along your back and turning out the rest of the lights in the room. Except for the fireplace, which is still going. It’s always going.
“Ehhh…” You meant to say ‘yes,’ but that’s close enough.
You’ve missed touching your Princess. You know every last inch of her body, even in your current condition. You know what she likes, what she doesn’t like…
She’s always loved you feeling under her wings. That’s probably her most sensitive area, and she loves to be massaged there.
You reach a hand under her wings with the sole intention of pleasing your goddess. Surely she has had a long day and could especially use some TLC.
The first thing you feel is a long scar she has. It’s just a small bump, but you can feel it. You remember her telling you about how she got that one. It was a very long time ago, but she still has the scar.
She said it was around 700 years ago. She was in a battle and got sliced on her side when her wing was up. It was deep, so it’s still there.
It reminds you of your scars. You slowly drag your fingers across the long bump in her fur. She has a few of these types of scars, and you know where the all are. She hasn’t gotten one in a long time, though, which is good. Her battle stories used to upset you. Now you have one of your own.
The fact that Celestia was injured so grievously in battles upsets you. There was nothing you could have done about it, as you weren’t even born then. But it still bothers you.
You don’t know how Celestia got injured, exactly. Like, who could go up to this woman and successfully attack her? Celestia is huge, imposing, magically gifted, and very skilled in combat.
There’s no way you could beat her in combat. Not that anypony else has, as Celestia is still alive and running a country, so you assume no one else has bested her. But a few ponies at some points in her life have stabbed her.
Wow, you’re tired. You’ve been tired for a while, but now you’re exhausted.
You can barely feel your hand as you caress your love’s old battle wound. It makes you so happy that she lets you do that. If she wanted to touch your wounds, you’d let her do that too. It’s only fair.
“We’re the same now,” you chuckle, on the brink of passing out. You run your fingers up and down the bump one last time. “I have… some of these now... too. Just like you...”
That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?
You have something in common with your beloved, that’s pretty neat. Physically speaking, you’ve never had anything in common with one another.
She has purple eyes, you don’t. She has four legs, you don’t. She has a horn, wings, fur, hair that moves by itself… you don’t. Literally, no similarities.
Until now! How exciting.
You feel Celestia’s angel like wing drape overtop of and around your body, wrapping you up like a burrito. Or a cigar. Her forelegs and wing squeeze you, holding you tightly.
You love it when she does that. You getting wrapped up is the best thing ever. Her wings are the best; they’re big and soft and feathery and warm. You smile, kissing her chest, silently thanking her for the loving act.
You try to tell her how sweet she is, but you can’t move your mouth. Every muscle in your body feels like it’s shutting down one after the other.
The last thing you feel are Celestia’s lips on the top of your head as she holds you close. You love her.
This is the first time you’ve slept with her in months. You forgot how amazing it felt. You forgot what it was like.
How could you have ever left this?
Then you fall asleep.