//------------------------------// // Chapter Fifty-Seven: Too Many Pinkies Spoils the Show // Story: A Journey Beyond Sanity // by Darkwing Dust //------------------------------// It started last week, and yet this headache only seemed to worsen. Continuously grimacing, my eyes tried to stay focused on the book I was currently reading while my hoof repeatedly rubbed my pained head every twenty seconds or so. This is what it's been like over the past week, and the headache didn't seem like it was going anywhere for a while. Not even a book can help distract me from the aching. Hell, not even water was assisting in ridding this pain. "Hi Stardust!" [BEEP]! As if nothing could've made this day worse, I almost jumped out of my skin at Pinkie Pie's sudden arrival, dropping the book during my startled moment and placing a hoof on my chest to breathe. Ah great, already I could feel my headache rise tremendously now with the beaming pink Earth Pony here. Of course, she wasn't fazed by my irritated glare. "Whatcha doin'?" Rubbing the side of my head, again, I replied tiredly, "Not much Isabella..." "Who's Isabella?" "Phineas and Ferb joke- Forget it. Is there something you wanted, Pinkie?" I snapped, a little harshly than I intended. But again, Pinkie wasn't the least bit offended, grinning happily while hopping up and down on the exact same spot. "Nope, just seeing if any of my friends are doing something super-duperly amazingly awesome that I can't miss out on, that way I won't have to miss out on having fun with them and spending a fun time with them and having quite possibly the greatest day of my life and-" Oh God, make it stop. Without thinking, I moved forward hurriedly, grabbing the blabbering Earth Pony by the tail towards the front door, and threw her out of the library, shutting the only way in behind me before she could enter again. Okay, maybe that wasn't crude of me to do, but this blasted headache was getting to me, and Pinkie certainly wasn't helping. Speak of the Devil. "So you're not doing anything superly awesome then?" She called from behind the red door. I growled in annoyance, returning to where the lying book was, where I've already lost the pages. ...Forget it, it's not worth it. I'll read more on the subject of balance another day. Setting down the book by a nearby table, the title saying 'Generations Of Theorized Meanings Behind The Concept Of Balance', my hoofs immediately guided me to the staircase as the pain grew more and more worse, causing me to wince at the intensity. I just needed to lie down... Nope, hasn't made it better. A bitter sigh escaped my muzzle, finally giving up on tossing and turning on this pillow in hopes of easing the pain. I mean, what's the point? This godforsaken headache clearly wasn't subsiding anytime soon. Regarding the ceiling, I wondered what on Earth I did this time to warrant such internal pain. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with my infatuation... Could it? Could God be punishing me for feeling this way about not only a mare, but a fictional mare? Can't blame him, I suppose. And our interactions haven't been any better since we returned from Canterlot after the royal wedding. Twilight and I seemed to have gotten along alot more closer than ever. And by that, I mean mostly in physical terms. Supporting one another with our hoofs, hugging alot, playfully shoving each other time to time, and even leaning against one another as we enjoy those quiet moments in the library, and when observing the sunset or stars together. Ever since that night of the wedding party, something has changed in our relationship. But what... I have no clue. There are even times where Twilight acts flustered or embarrassed around me, stuttering and making incoherent sentences. First I was amused, but nowadays I was admittedly concerned by the repetitive nature of that behaviour. It wasn't like Twilight to be so nervous around her friend. Did I say or do something that made her act all embarrassed? I never prompted to ask, for I'm sure Twilight will share me her troubles in time. Overall, our friendship has changed somehow. And I worry a little as to what... Though right now not as much as wondering when this Goddamn headache finally [BEEP]s off. Groaning, I rubbed the sore aches all over my head in another vain attempt to soothe them. Guess what, didn't work, surprise surprise. "Hey Stardust! We're back from... What the-?" An unintentionally growl escaped my lips, and I looked to the side. Spike looked a bit startled by the noise, having just walked into the room and regarding me with clear concern. Can't fault him, considering the way I was gripping my head as though in pain. "For a moment there, your eyes- They- ...Are you alright?" The dragon finally inquired while stepping closer, frowning at the state of me. My eyes? Was my condition really that bad it shows? "Other than the fact my head feels as though it's ready to burst like a volcano, I'm fine, thanks for asking." I responded with a rather strained voice. God, what was wrong with me? This headache seemed to be affecting me worse than I imagined. Yet the light-hearted sarcasm didn't seem to ease the lizard's concerns, turning his head towards the open doorway. "Twilight! I think Stardust is sick!" Sick? Maybe a bit of an exaggeration there, buddy. As if on cue, the purple unicorn immediately arrived, walking forward towards us. "What was that, Spike?" She asked her number one assistant before noticing my state, a worried frown overtaking her features. Before I could protest that everything was fine, the mare quickly approached and placed a hoof on my forehead, checking the temperature. "Jack... You're burning up!" I am? Huh, mustn't have noticed. "Nice to see you too, love. How was practice?" "Spike, get me an icepack, stat." "Yes ma'am!" The dragon hurriedly obliged. "As for you, don't get up." Before I could answer, a thermometer was unwelcomingly shoved into my muzzle via magic, and a stethoscope appeared in front of Twilight, alongside a chair for her to sit on as she examines her patient. The mare wasted no time - one of the many things I lov- liked about her - in putting the thing on and checking my chest for my heartbeat. "Really, Twilight, is that necessary?" I asked, rolling my tongue so the glass item sticking out of my muzzle doesn't fall deeper in. What an unpleasant taste. "Shush." She replied sternly, concentrating on my heartbeat. After waiting for her to finish, Twilight leaned back, taking the damn thing off my chest. "Are you feeling any pain or discomfort anywhere?" "Just the head." I informed her, sighing in relief as the unicorn took out the thermometer. "But really, it'll pass. It's just a headache." "Jack, you're burning up a fever." The mare rather condescendingly, frowning at the temperature displayed in the item. "Is this the same headache you've been dealing with over the past week?" "Nope, just got it recently. Why'd you ask?" The quip only incited her glare. "Jack." I sighed, finding myself sinking into my pillow at her stern gaze. "Yes, it's the same one. And it's gotten worse every passing day." "As I thought." Twilight nodded knowingly, and suddenly a medical bag popped up out of non-existence behind her. She continued as various medical items began floating out of the bag, "This illness must've been developing overtime. Are you sure you're not experiencing any other pains aside from your head?" Oh [BEEP]. "Absolutely..." The mare glanced at me, obviously noting my edged tone. Then she followed my gaze on the floating needle nearby. "I didn't know you were afraid of needles, Jack." "Not afraid- Keep that thing away from me!" I leaned back quickly at the Godforsaken needle teasingly flying towards me. Jesus Twilight, don't try to fright me to death! Twilight smiled slightly, humoured by my reaction despite my apparent illness. "Calm down, Jack. Just lie down, you're going to need a lot of rest to wear off this fever." Slowly, I obliged, the mare's soothing tone finding a way to make me obey like a well-trained dog. Lucky me. "Got the icepack!" Spike announced as he hurried in, passing the thing to the grateful Twilight. Without pause, the educated mare rested the cool blue bag of ice onto the center of my aching head. Oh Jesus Christ that's cold! "Keep still, it'll help you recover." Twilight said calmly, with only just a tinge of exasperation. Easy for you to say, love. Yet she looked pleased by the progress, concluding by placing the covers over me along with an extra blanket... Then shoving another thermometer into my muzzle. "There, that'll help you heal faster." Hm... "Twilight," I began, pulling out the thermometer for a moment. "This isn't necessary. I've dealt with a fever before, you don't have to waste your time helping me-" "Don't be stubborn Jack." The unicorn interrupted, shaking her head at my reluctance for assistance. "I'm not going to let someone close to me endure an illness without any treatment. And besides, remember when you looked after both Spike and I when we were recovering? You can consider this returning the favour." You're already done so... "Just lie down and get some rest." Twilight said in a business-like tone, though her eyes still reflected concern. "You'll be better in no time." ...Alright, I'll play your game for now, my dear. "Well, since it's you taking care of me, that'll definitely be the case." As expected, the mare blushed at my sincere compliment, looking away shyly. The sight prompted my smile. Despite this forsaken pain pounding against my entire head, the mare was enough to make me feel better. I pretended to ignore Spike folding his arms and shaking his head at the sight. "You give me too much credit..." Twilight finally said, the medical equipment surrounding her disappearing in a flash. "Or maybe not enough..." That deepened her adorable blush, that shy smile of hers growing. How badly I wanted to say "Just seeing you is enough to dull away the pain, Twilight." As per Twilight's "request". I stayed in bed for main duration of the day, both unicorn and dragon frequently checking on me in a timely manner. Of course. Though how I was suppose to gain any rest when they keep visiting my room every half hour is beyond me. Still, while it was exaggerate of them to do so, I appreciated their concern and care, despite Twilight treating it as though I've been plagued with a deadly virus. If it was just a fever, it'll come and pass in the next few days. No harm done. Now, I had to keep resting, forcefully closing my eyes in some vain attempt to gain some sleep. ...If that damn commotion outside wasn't interfering with that! Seriously, what was going on out there? Opening my eyes, my annoyed gaze glanced to the window, wishing I could lean up so I can see what the hell was happening. From the multiple voices of outrage, it sounded as though there was an angry mob right outside the library, prompting my tired sigh. Oh great, what did Spike do now...? Exhaling harshly, I decided whatever it was the dragon could've done this time, Twilight would need some help in clearing away the mob. Plus, I needed my sleep. Removing the covers, thermometer and icepack, my limbs stretched before pulling themselves off the bed. The headache had only softened little by little. Wincing at the internal pain, I quickly moved on my way, exiting my room, heading downstairs to seek out the mare and lizard. It didn't take long to find them. "I've got to try and remember that name of the legend she mentioned." Twilight said with clear worry, looking through the shelves and pulling out random books. Spike was assisting in that, pulling out a big book before falling to the ground in a classic cartoonish smile. Magically taking the book off the dragon's head, Twilight began reading the contents, "Aha! Here it is! The Legend of the Mirror Pond." "The Mirror what now?" At my question, both mare and dragon looked at me in surprise. "Jack? You're suppose to be resting!" I waved off Twilight's words. "I'd love to, except there seems to be a crowd outside preventing my sleep." Shaking off the headache briefly, I regarded the two curiously, "What'd I miss?" Spike explained first, heading to the front red door, "There's an entire army of Pinkie Pies in Ponyville, causing trouble everywhere through the whole town!" ...What now? "Hm, this book describes a spell that can send them back where they came from." Twilight continued, stating her findings happily. But I, on the other hand, remained vastly confused. "Slow down now. 'Army of Pinkie Pies?' What does that mean exactly?" "There are multiple duplicates of Pinkie Pie running amok in Ponyville." Twilight clarified. Multiple... Copies... Of Pinkie Pie... You've got... To be [BEEP] kidding me. "Though there's a catch." The unicorn then said, sounding understandably concerned. "If I can't figure out which one's the real Pinkie, I can send her back by mistake!" ...Nope, still at a loss here. Already trying to figure this out was assisting the headache in hurting my brain. I rubbed the side of my head as Spike spoke calmly, "Well, we just have to figure out which one's the real her then. It shouldn't be too hard." I imagine, though, with the fact it's Pinkie Pie, that would be easier said than done. "Let's see if we can find the real Pinkie first before trying anything, Spike." Twilight decided while joining the dragon to going outside. "Jack, go back to bed." Fat chance. "If what you say is true, Twilight, then any chance of sleep on my part is wishful thinking." I responded casually, approaching the two. If there was indeed an entire group of Pinkie Pies all over Ponyville, then no one will ever sleep again. The mare regarded me doubtfully for a moment, before nodding and opening the door. What? Just like that, she agreed? Guess Twilight wanted this over as soon as possible as well. We followed her outside to greet the angry crowd waiting for her. ...And the residents didn't go to the Mayor first about this dilemma because...? "Anypony here know how we can tell the real Pinkie Pie from all the rest of them?" Twilight asked the irritated mob. I honestly doubt that, my dear. "Twilight! I need to talk to you, I need your help!" Pinkie Pie, lo and behold, leaned above two muttering ponies head to grab the unicorn's attention. "Excuse me, whoever you are." ...The [BEEP]?! "But I'm not talking to any of your Pinkies unless you're the real Pinkie." Wha... What... Literally, another Pinkie Pie was standing on Twilight's right, imitating the stern mare rather perfectly. They weren't lying about there being multiple ones... "Bu-But, I am the real Pinkie!" "No you're not! I'm the real Pinkie!" Another similar pink Earth Pony argued. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you, to the seventh level of Hell. Pinkie Pies. Pinkie Pies everywhere. All either messing about or debating hotly which of them was the original. The crowd of normal ponies had dispersed immediately, some fleeing in terror at the army of the most obnoxious noises in Equestria. And with that volume, my headache heightened to ridiculous new degrees, as a yell of pain emerged from my throat, clutching my ears tightly at what could possibly be the worst day of my entire life. Make it stop! Quickly, I pulled both Twilight and Spike right back into the library despite their protests, shutting the door before any one of those... Things could enter the holy sanctuary. Leaning my back against the door, the faint sounds of the army outside still ringing my poor ears and internally scarred head, my attention focused on Twilight, who was pacing around thoughtfully. "Fix it, now." "I'm thinking." Twilight shot back, tapping the bottom of her muzzle while trying to think of a solution. "We need to find a way to point out the real Pinkie from all the others." ...God dammit. That'll probably take forever! Upon seeing my state, Spike immediately rushed forward and lent support if necessary. "Cheers Spike." I muttered gratefully. "As if this day couldn't get any worse, huh Stardust?" The infant dragon asked with a faint smile. "Amen..." Then I looked back at Twilight, who was still dwelling on these horrific events. My head was in too much pain to think of a logical solution to this, but damn it if I don't try. "You say they're... Clones of the original, correct?" "Indeed." "Meaning they're newly born..." "Yeah...?" Twilight then glanced at me, obviously wondering where I was going with this. "Well... That would imply they wouldn't have the same knowledge the original Pinkie has." I pointed out, an idea now forming in my aching mind. The mare nodded, "Right. They wouldn't share the same memories as the real version..." Twilight's eyes then widened, following my train of thought without delay, "If we could ask them questions only the real Pinkie would know..." "...Then we would have our real Pinkie Pie with us, and can rid of the copies without hesitation." I finished for her. "That's it!" There was a triumphant glint in the mare's eyes. "We could do that!" "Yeah! That might work!" Spike concurred, before a frown overtook his features. "But then, how do we get all the Pinkie's attention long enough to ask them questions?" "...Good point Spike." I nodded, "They'll need to be distracted by something, or we could say it's game and there's a prize someone like Pinkie would absolutely crave." Twilight said nothing for a moment, regarding the floorboards thoughtfully. Then, a small smile took place on her muzzle, as she looked up and stared in my direction. "And I think I know what this prize would be. Jack, are you still up to baking, currently, despite your condition?" If I get a brain aneurysm as the result of this episode, can I hold Hasbro responsible? After hours on end, we finally managed to lure the entire army of Pinkie Pies right into the library - with the help of Applejack - to which we instantly regretted. Books thrown across the room, Earth Ponies hopping around the place, and even poor Spike was used as a hurling toy back and forth to many of the abominations. Though I had it worse, my head was awfully close to bursting I swear. Twilight saved the day, of course, after a plate covered in a large cloth materialized next to her, set down on the small table beside her small podium. Just the scent waving off what was beneath the cloth attracted all the Pinkie's attention, prompting them to freeze suddenly and move to gather around the plate... Before a magic barrier prevented them from going further. "Please, every Pinkie, take a seat." Twilight cleared her throat as the mares did as instructed, rows of cushions for them to sit comfortably on. The unicorn was currently adorning a red bowtie, cue cards neatly placed on the surface of the podium she leaned against. "Fillies and gentlecolt; welcome to the Pinkie Quiz, a game created just for you exclusive Pinkies!" I had nothing to do with that name, I assure you. Though I won't lie, it was a good plan on Twilight's half, shame I couldn't participate. Sitting down at the side of the room, pressing an icepack on my head, I was the proceedings and hoped there wouldn't be anymore... Pinkie-ish things going on in here. "Today, we're going to ask you questions only the real Pinkie Pie would have the answers to. Correcting them all will earn you a grand prize." I wouldn't call it grand; I just did the best I could despite my illness. Twilight clarified as her assistant removed the cloth off the plate, revealing the brownies hiding within, covered in whipped cream and melted chocolate sauce, with a few strawberries here and there. Suffice to say, Spike helped with the decorating. The dragon was currently drooling at the sight along with the spellbound Pinkie's. At this, I couldn't help but feel a little smug at my own work. Obviously pleased she now has their full attention, Twilight smiled before continuing in a business-like tone, "Answer them all, and they'll be all yours." The Earth Ponies were licking their muzzles hungrily, eyes staying on the treats. Said brownies were then reluctantly covered by the cloth again by Spike, prompting the army's attention back on the unicorn. Magically picking up the top card, Twilight began, "Question One: How did Pinkie and I first meet?" At this, I raised a brow. Even I didn't know this one. "Oh! Oh!" A few of the obnoxious Earth Ponies raised their hoofs excitedly, "By having fun together!" "Incorrect." The [BEEP]?! Not at the incorrect answer, mind you, but the fact the first Pinkie who answered suddenly transformed into a balloon before literally disappearing into a pink stream, flying out of the window. ...The hell just happened? Glancing at Twilight hoping for an explanation, I noticed her expression was satisfaction. So it was suppose to happen...? "Question Two: What is Pinkie Pie's special talent?" "Fun!" "Mmm close, but still not correct." A dark pink beam fired from the unicorn's horn, another Pinkie disappeared into a pink light, leaving the tree-house. Now I finally saw what Twilight was doing. The wrong answers results in the false Pinkies returning to whence they came. I can see why she was so hesitant in accidentally sending the original; Pinkie away. Though I was a little baffled as to why the original Pinkie Pie wasn't answering these questions correctly. Couldn't she be heard over this group of pony-Jar Jar Binks? The questions continued, and more and more these clones disappeared presumably back to their place of origin. And with every one gone I exhale in relief, feeling the aching calm down as the loud ear-grating voices toned down the more Twilight proceeded with this game. Though it didn't really help I was beginning to feel hot around the face... Must be the fever getting worse. "Question Thirty-Nine: How best do you get Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake to sleep?" "I know!" One of the three remaining pink Earth Ponies raised her limb happily, "Fun of course!" And she disappeared, the pink light leaving through the window. Tch, even I knew the answer to that. All that were left of the group now was two Pinkie Pie's, both glancing at one another and observing Twilight nervously. Hell, even the unicorn looked hesitant in asking the next question. Understandable, even the thought of sending the wrong Pinkie away and never seeing her again to me was unpleasant. Though I'd never admit it out-loud, that mare's obnoxious partying attitude had a charm to it. A charm even I will miss. That said, I straightened my back and cleared my throat, noting in surprise the hoarseness of it. "I've got a question only the original would know." Christ, I sound like Yoda. As they looked at me in question, I focused on the two pink mare's. "During Pinkie's Birthday, what was the advice she gave me when we talked on my favourite hill?" There was a pause. "...That the only way to have a great Birthday is to have fun?" "...Wrong." Annnnd gone. The pink stream phased through the window. "Your turn." I said to the last one, who was thinking hard on it. "That the most important thing that comes out of friendship... Are the memories we share..." The Earth Pony closed her eyes and braced herself for what comes next, as though expecting to disappear. But the confirmation prompted my small smile. "...Correct." Blue eyes opened in surprise, looking around and checking herself for any signs of turning into light. As she met my stare, I nodded in greeting, "Hello Pinkie." Behind us, the door opened. "Is it safe to come in now?" Applejack inquired, head poking through into the building. At the sight of only one Pinkie Pie, however, a small comprehending grin spread across her muzzle, walking inside. The orange mare had guarded outside in case any tried to escape. "Guys, I'm really sorry." Pinkie began, alien depression in her tone and expression while apologizing. "I just wanted to be there and have fun with my friends. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." "We forgive you." Twilight assured our friend while approaching her, smiling lightly. "I'm just glad we didn't send you away by mistake." 'We?' "I guess that, sometimes, I'll have to choose which friend to spend time." Twilight and Applejack nodded at Pinkie's words, clearly proud of her. "I'm me... I'm me! I'm meeeeeee!" I winced at the raised ecstatic tone. Yes, we get it. You're you. "We should go get the others and tell 'em the crisis is averted." Applejack suggested, already heading to the doorway. "Good idea Applejack." Twilight agreed, glancing at both Spike and me. "Spike, help Jack back to bed. And while we look for our friends, let's see if we can make certain no one ever uses that mirror pool again." I agree more with the latter. Spike helping me get back upstairs, not so much. "Does this mean I get the brownies now?" Pinkie suddenly inquired. And at Twilight's amused nod, the pink Earth Pony squealed happily before pouncing on the poor plate, ripping off the cloth and devouring the treats in one bite. ...Well, there goes about forty-five minutes of hard work. "Glad you're back, Pinkie." I said in half-exasperation, half-sincerity, while the Earth Pony grinned with chocolate-covered teeth. "Jack, would you please lie still? You need to rest." "No... Don't wanna..." Why was this beautiful pony making me go to bed? What's worse, she keeps putting that icepack on my head over and over again, and pushing me back down whenever I wanted to get up. "I'm not tired..." Twilight shook her head, her gorgeous mane swirling through the air. "Maybe not, but you're clearly far from better. Your fever seems to be getting worse, and it's affecting your behaviour somewhat." "I'm fine..." Really, I was. "Stop being so fussy about it and let me get up..." Stubborn, the angelic mare remained firm, giving me a look, "Fussy or not, I'm taking care of you until you've completely recovered. But in order to do so, you must oblige and stay in bed." At me shaking my head, Twilight sighed and looked behind her. "Spike, tell the others I'll be down with them shortly." "Sure thing." Was the voice of the dragon I couldn't see, who sounded like he found something funny, before his footsteps faded away. Alone at last... "This illness seems to have affected your behaviour, causing you to subconsciously act contradictory to your normal personality." Twilight explained in that heart-melting voice, looking down on a board like a doctor would. "I doubt you'll even remember this conversation the next time you wake up. I say it'd only take by either tomorrow evening or the morning after... What?" Then she noticed I was just staring at her, a grin on my face over how lucky I am. "You're so... Beautiful..." At the truth, the shy unicorn looked away in embarrassment, a red hue on her face. "I-I... T-That's very flattering of you, but I think you have no idea what you're even saying Jack..." "'Course I do..." Reaching forward, my hoof gently brushed the side of her face. That blush of hers deepened, but she seemed to be enjoying it. "You're the most beautiful smart pony ever, Twilight love..." "T-Thank you..." She smiled adorably. "Even when you're not your usual self, you can still find a way to be charming..." "Only for you..." My grin widened at the future possibilities. "We're going to have great kids one day..." "Yeah... Wait, what?!" The reaction caused my chuckle, her eyes widened and face redder to a degree I've never seen before. She's so cute when she's flustered. My eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Hehehehe... Yeah..." Removing my hoof off her, I gestured with widened arms to paint a picture. "They'll have your beauty, and smarts, and they'll have my... My... Lemme get back to you..." For a while, Twilight didn't speak. But when she did, it was that same stammer as before, "T-That would imply we're in love, Jack..." "But we are in love..." Aren't we? I think we are. My memory's funny right now. I looked at her to check. "At least, I think we are...?" Twilight avoided my inquisitive gaze, extraordinary eyes looking down... Nervously? "W-Well..." Whatever it was she was about to say, was interrupted by more arrivals. "Hey Twilight, how's the patient?" At the voice, I gazed to the left, grinning. "Hey Sonic..." The blue pegasus huffed, "It's Rainbow, not Sonic. How many times Stardust?" Applejack was looking at Twilight, "Twilight, you alright? Your face is awfully red." Rarity spoke next, sounding mischievous, "We weren't interrupting something now, were we?" "Uh, no! No!" Twilight shook her hoofs in denial, shaking her head wildly at our smirking friends. "It's just... Jack's condition is alot worse than I anticipated." "Oh? What's wrong?" Fluttershy asked. "I thought he had a fever." "He does, but it seems to be getting worse. His behaviour is being altered by the illness. Though it should be temporary." Boring! "Hey guys..." I got their attention. "Wanna hear the most funniest thing I ever did in high school...?" "Heck yeah!" Rainbow exclaimed excitedly, grinning while flying up to me, ignoring the angel's vocal protest. "Lay it on us Star!"