Seriousness seriously wasn't working.
That was what Pinkie had deduced as she thought about how she'd run (pronked) all over town very seriously asking ponies if they knew anything about what she was now referring to as the Nopony-Knows-What-The-Hay-Happened-But-Darned-If-They-Aren't-All-Talking-About-It Incident, and if anything? More ponies were talking about it than when she started!
There were bad words Pinkie could have shouted, but she didn't like to swear, so she instead put a cardboard box on her head and made really angry faces. Nopony could be upset by faces they couldn't see, so this helped get her angries out and gave her a quiet place to think at the same time!
And think she did, going down the list of ways she knew how to get ponies to talk about things and how to do them in reverse. Go around telling everypony about Blueblood and Rarity while talking backwards? No. Bake a cake with a message on it, then eat it before anypony saw it? No. Throw a big, "Hey, have ya heard about Bluie and Rarity?" party and not invite anypony? She wasn't sure her heart could take it. Sing a happy song about it that nopony can hear? She lifted the box off her head and listened...
...No song there, mission accomplished!
Smiling, she jumped out the window of her bedroom atop Sugarcube Corner, bounced off the carefully-placed trampoline next to the glass of water, and pronked through the market district!
Ten seconds later, she determined Operation Silent Song to be a failure, because ponies were definitely still talking about it. That was okay, because she'd had another idea on the way! Procuring a big ol' stack of papers, she balanced them on her back and headed off to the local school. They wouldn't mind if she used the printing press in the basement for a while, or at least, they didn't when she got all those flyers for Rainbow and Lightning (and Thunderlane)'s big race made.
The coast was clear when she got there, but spy movie theme-tunes were hummed anyway as she crept up to the machine to get started with the typewriter. As she got to work, however, she could hear little voices on the playground outside. Pinkie had to work fast, even the foals were talking about this!
---
"And that's why Mom says I can't be within five meters of you," said Diamond Tiara with a smug smile, "your sister's just too much of a rock-sick indulence."
"That's 'toxic influence,' Di," whispered Silver Spoon.
"Don't spoil the moment, Silver."
The target of this sentiment, Sweetie Belle, narrowed her eyes, her retort not unmarred by a familiar squeak. "That is such a load of -horse-apples!"
Standing by her side, her two friends put a hoof on her shoulder each in an attempt to calm her down. "C'mon, Sweetie, does it even matter what Diamond's mama says?"
"Yea," concurred Scootaloo, "I mean, if anything? Having to stay away from her sounds like a free win."
"No," growl-squeaked Sweetie, "I'll tell you what really happened!"
---
A calm and peaceful day it was at Town Hall, where Rarity Belle, benevolent philanthropist and all-around good sister (except for her seriously weird taste in ice-cream), took time out of her busy day to help set things up for the Summer Sun Celebration. But then, lightning crackled outside as dark clouds swept in, bringing with them the cold, cruel air surrounding the sinister stallion, Prince Blueblood, as he threw open the doors! The place went all black and white and everything!
(No parody this time, just a bit of recommended theme music for the scene.)
[youtube=yol5hDULXWE]
Garbed in a cape and top-hat as black as night, and his heart, he twirled his equally dark and sinister moustache before pointing a hoof at Rarity as his lips moved.
"What be this? An unguarded maiden upon which to exert my nefarious influence? 'Tis a splendid day for villainy!"
Turning to face the sinister stranger, Rarity needed only a second to know he was scum, but chose to take the high road of politeness, like a proper lady and a good example to fillies everywhere. Her lips moved too.
"Good day, visitor. I stand amidst the labors set before me for the sake of Her Highness, whom no decent pony would wish to disappoint. Could assisting this venture be of interest to you?"
Flapping his cape once in sinister fashion, he stepped forward and sneered as his lips moved again.
"Bah! Party preparations of petty princesses are a fortnight from my thoughts, which lie only in immediate self-satisfaction!"
While a little flock of birds flew in the window to put a wreath of lovely flowers on her head, Rarity's lips moved.
"I say, such ghastly behavior!"
He threw his sinister head back and made laughing motions. Sinister laughing motions!
"Mua, ha, ha, ha! Yes, and in the name of my own foulness, I would see that you joined me in realms of dark depravity, in things Miss Cheerliee makes us write "I will stop asking about that in class" on the chalkboard for!"
The kind lady gasped.
"Egad! You seek to make me an accessory to your wicked ways?!"
Blueblood stepped forward, grabbed her by the hoof with one of his own, motioned to the ceiling, then to the floor, then out the nearest window, looked straight up at the ceiling while making circling motions with his free hoof, and looked back at Rarity with a sinister smile, his lips moving the entire time.
"Yes!"
Rarity struck him across the face with a hoof as her lips moved.
"I will never be yours, villian!"
He drew back, the movement of his mouth masked by his sinister cloak as he held it just over his snout like a vampire.
"Curses, foiled in my efforts at debauchery! I shall be off, then, but not before I torment your town further!"
And then he went away, off to darken other doorways with his sinister... darkening! Meanwhile, Rarity finished baking cookies for all the good little foals.
---
Done fuming, Sweetie Belle took a deep breath before she noticed the odd looks she was getting. "...What?"
"That is not how it happened," deadpanned Rumble, "and I know this because I've met your sister and Blueblood. And so have you. Do you remember either of them acting anything like that?"
She touched a hoof to her chin in thought. "Umm... No, not really." There was a silence on the playground. She shrugged. "I guess it didn't happen that way, then."
Diamond facehoofed. "See? This is why mom says you're a bad influence!" She turned to walk away, motioning for her friend to follow her. "C'mon, Silver."
She didn't get far before noticing the distinct lack of loyal hoofsteps behind her. Sighing, she turned to find Silver staring at the floor and blushing. Again. Diamond snapped her out of it by lightly yanking one of her pigtails.
"Gyahwhahuh?!" Looking at Diamond, she connected the dots and smiled sheepishly. "Haha. Sorry."
Rolling her eyes, Diamond kept her voice down. "You're lucky they're distracted."
Turning to look at Rumble, Dinky, and the CMC, the two found them to be in the middle of another story, this one courtesy of Scootaloo.
"-but Blueblood thought Lightning Dust was better, so they started fighting about who was more awesome and-"
"Wait," interrupted Dinky, "Lightning Dust got here a long time after the Summer Sun Celebration."
"Oh." She shrugged. "Welp, that shoots down that theory."
"Ferget stories," said Applebloom, "let's focus on the important stuff; like how to get our cutie marks!"
The trio departed, leaving Rumble and Dinky alone. Not certain when Diamond and Silver slipped away, Rumble turned to the filly that hadn't mysteriously vanished. "So, what do you think happened?"
Dinky shrugged. "Do you really want to spend your childhood pondering what happened between two grown-ups that, for all intents and purposes, seem to be having a petty feud the likes of which we commonly see here on the playground?"
"Uh... Probably not. Wanna go play in the sandbox?"
"Sure!"
---
Lacking reason to be outside amid the looks and whispers, Prince Blueblood and Shining Armor elected to remain at Golden Oaks today, giving that confusing card game another go.
"Y'know, Blue, I've been thinking."
"A welcome change, Shining."
"Funny. You said some very hurtful things to half of Ponyville and made up with pretty much the whole town in a day, and I was even there when you apologized to Pinkie Pie. That in mind, I'm not exactly asking what happened between you two, but do you really hate Rarity so much that that one incident really singles her out as not worth even trying to mend fences with?"
Prince sighed, and not just because the rulebook to that card game Shining showed them had another subsection. Confusing though it might have been, it was a surprisingly engaging passtime! "It wasn't just that one time, I've been finding more reasons to avoid her since we got to town..."
---
Death.
That was the golden ideal at that moment, the melodious sound of the word a promise from the heavens as Blueblood lay on the ground, choking and hacking and wishing his stomach would just explode and end it already. Alas, he was given no choice but to persist through the horrors of living, the awareness that somehow, someday, he may again face a trial like this one as haunting to him as visions of a purple, starry hat in the corners of his sight.
Applebloom, feeling a bit of deja vu, had to ask. "You okay, Mister Blue?"
Scootaloo tilted her head. "He doesn't look okay." Eyebrow raised, she turned to Sweetie Belle. "Where'd you get that 'toast,' anyway? I know we all said we'd bring something to Pinkie's party today, but your dish is gonna make ponies sick."
"Uh-" Sweetie smiled sheepishly, just a hint of a blush visible as she started to sweat, "w-well, I kinda forgot until the last minute, so I asked Rarity to help me!"
It's from Her, thought the not-dying Prince, of course it's from Her...
---
Shining looked skeptical. "Bad cooking? Seriously?"
"It was much worse than 'bad,' thank you! And that's not even the worst offence!"
---
Today's word was 'Hideous,' but luckily had no relation to anything entering his body.
There beyond the window of Carousel Boutique stood what could only be called an abomination, a grotesque, misshapen, ugly thing of strands and sharp edges strewn randomly about and colors that would make a swamp hydra sick. The bulk of the thing was just a mass of hanging lumps, like a bunch of burlap sacks strapped together. Blueblood couldn't decide if it was just a crime against all things of good taste, or highway robbery on top of it, because the article that irked him most hung off the monstrosity like a proud banner:
A price tag. One hundred and twenty bits. She was selling this horrific thing.
What was the right thing to do? Break in, tear the garment to shreds? Board up the shop's windows and get a nice 'Condemned' sign to hang up? Burn it to the ground, hope nopony is inside? He couldn't decide, but as he knew that no law enforcement in Equestria would get off their flanks for crimes of fashion, he simply broke line of sight and forced himself to walk away, hoping that the hideous thing would never see the light of day.
---
Questionably former royal guard Shining Armor looked almost offended. "'Get off their'...? Is this why you sneered at me that day?"
Questionably former royal jerk who took clothing a little too seriously Prince Blueblood tinted red. "I'll admit that I may have overreacted, but count yourself lucky that you never had to see the thing!"
Shining rolled his eyes. "So, she made some really bad toast and a really bad outfit. Is that all?"
"Let's not forget the time-" he briefly stopped to glance around the room, "...the time Trixie came to town. I know she talked to that purple-maned strumpet at some point, and it was probably her that put even stranger ideas in Trixie's head."
Remembering something about weird ideas about what to do with horns, Shining blushed and looked away. "Err, y-yea, guess you might have a point there." He grinned nervously. "Say, you're not remotely interested in getting involved with Trixie, right?"
It was very, very hard to notice, but Blueblood paled. "What?! No! Why would you even think of such a thing?!"
Smiling a little more calmly now, Shining returned his attention to the card game. "No reason, Blue. No reason."
Content though he was to forget about the insane, possibly perverted stage magician, Shining wondered how Rarity was handling this situation.
---
"I simply can't thank you enough for taking me up here, Cherry Berry."
Cherry chuckled. "You kinda already did when you paid me, Rarity."
"Maybe so, but I really did need to get away from town for a while. Besides, a balloon ride is nothing to take for granted!"
High above Ponyville, Rarity sat in the basket of a hot air balloon owned by her fellow entrepreneur; a pink earth pony with a blonde mane. Most of her business came from ponies (with one means or another of walking on clouds) seeking rides up to Cloudsdale, but Rarity was one of few who just liked riding in a balloon sometimes. However, her mirth began to slip away when an awkward silence descended over the basket, broken by Cherry.
"Sooo..."
Not looking away from the slightly spoiled vista, Rarity sighed. "You're going to ask about Blueblood, aren't you?"
"I've been trying not to get involved with the gossip all that much, but it's like... Well, I've never really known you to hold a grudge, so... Gotta ask, what makes this guy so bad?"
Taking a slow breath through her nose, Rarity compiled everything she'd seen of the stallion since the Summer Sun Celebration. "Well..."
---
"When I find you, I'll make paste of your hooves!!"
The shout from outside her bedroom window made Rarity jump, glancing out her window to see Prince Blueblood facing some bushes.
"Just you wait, you little troglodytes, because when I catch you, your families won't recognize the remains!"
Appalled, Rarity held a hoof to her mouth in shock.
Good gracious, is he talking to foals?! What kind of monster threatens little colts and fillies?!
Hearing Sweetie Belle open the door, Rarity quickly shut her window with a spell. "Sweetie, I want you to stay inside for a while."
Blinking twice, Sweetie smiled. "Sure thing, I was just gonna ask you if you could help me with a project."
It may have been sisterly instinct, but the sight of Sweetie's wide, innocent eyes just tickled something in Rarity's heart. "Of course, dear, what did you have in mind?"
---
Cherry tilted her head. "...Well? What did she have in mind?"
"We were talking about my disinclination to forgive Blueblood," deadpanned Rarity, "stay focused, please?"
Remembering that now, Cherry blushed at how easily she'd been side-tracked. "Right. Sorry. What else did he do?"
"Do you recall that race in the storm, not too long ago?"
---
Bravado made ponies do the strangest things! Honestly, Rarity of all ponies could understand supporting Foal Hope however necessary, but racing through a particularly intense storm was simply begging for somepony to get hurt! Rarity wouldn't stick around for that, however, she'd simply make her contribution and return to her safe, dry home.
That was the plan until she'd caught sight of Blueblood standing before a trembling filly just across the field. She couldn't see his face at this angle, but there was no doubt in her mind that it was cruel and malicious, because the filly-scout in front of him trembled as though he were Nightmare Moon herself! Her eyes narrowing, Rarity stormed over (no pun intended) to give him a piece of her mind, but was stopped by somepony she recognized.
"Why Rarity," announced a purple unicorn stallion with a short, wavy white mane, "Fancy meeting you here!"
Smiling a little, she tried to step past him. "Yes, hello Clinking Coin, good to see you too, now-"
He matched her pace, unwittingly standing between her and the innocent filly scout in trouble. "And it is good to see you, Miss Rarity! How much might we be expecting from you in the Foal Hope endeavor?"
"W-well, I'll make my donation momentarily, but-"
"Ohh, you can tell me, we're friends, aren't we?"
She tried to tilt her head to catch sight of Blueblood and the foal, but wasn't having any luck. "Oh, certainly, but-"
"Then come along," he said while hooking a forehoof around her neck in friendly fashion, leading her away, "you can tell me all about it at the donation booth!"
Looking almost frantically over her shoulder, Rarity felt her heart settle down a little when she caught sight of the filly scout smiling contentedly. Blueblood was still there, but as any trace of fear in the foal had vanished, it seemed the issue had settled itself. She breathed a sigh of relief as Clinking Coin led her to the booth.
---
"And then there's whatever he did to that poor showpony, Trixie, I think her name was!"
Cherry Berry scratched her head. "So, you hate him because he doesn't like foals, and because of that lunatic in the purple hat?"
"He clearly must have done something to her, warping her mind into thinking he was husband material!"
It may have even been what he tried to do to me, she thought with a hint of remorse, part of her wishing she'd controlled her temper and talked to Trixie rather than storming off. The balloon was again quiet, making Rarity at last turn to face Cherry, one eyebrow raised. "No comment?"
Cherry smiled sheepishly. "Well, hey, I don't know what happened with you, or Trixie, but some ponies just don't really like foals all that much, y'know? Did you ever think he wasn't really going to hurt them, just wanted them to leave him alone?"
Turning away again, Rarity huffed. "I can't say for sure, and that alone worries me deeply."
Not sure what else to say, Cherry shrugged, letting Rarity enjoy the rest of the balloon ride in peace. Plus, if she wasn't interested in one of Ponyville's unmarried stallions, who was Cherry to complain?