Rumble lay on his bed, face down on his pillow. His throat ached, his chest felt empty, his head pounded. He couldn’t think of a reason why, though; he hadn’t hurt himself at all. If anything, he’d stopped himself from getting hurt. Maybe he was getting sick. That’s just what he needed right now.
A noise to his right caught his attention.
“What do you want, Rainbow Dash?”
Scootaloo flinched. “Umm, it’s me.”
Rumble looked up from his bed. With his head no longer buried in his arms, Scootaloo could see the redness around his eyes, and the wetness he tried to hide.
“Is it okay if I come in?” She asked.
He nodded and sat up, and she flew up to sit next to him.
“What happened?” she asked.
He wiped his face and shrugged. “Rainbow Dash wanted to see my routine. I told her it wasn’t very good, but she wanted to see it, anyway. She said it was great. That I’m good enough to compete.”
“That doesn’t sound like much of a reason to freak out, Rumble, or give up,” Scootaloo argued. “Kinda sounds like a reason to be happy.”
“You don’t understand. She lied; my routine wasn’t good enough to compete. I’m not good enough to compete. I’m the fastest kid in town, and I’m still not good enough. I’m never gonna be a Wonderbolt stallion.”
“But why would you think that? You’re good. I think you can be a Wonderbolt. Why don’t you?”
He growled. “I have plenty of reasons, okay? She just gave me the last one I needed.”
She bit her lip. “And… what are some of the others?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
She nudged him. “Try me.”
He shrugged. “I’m just done, that’s all. It’s not worth it to keep trying. It’s never going to work out.”
“But why? Who says you can’t be the best anymore?”
He let his head hang, pensive. “What happens when I keep doing what I’m doing, huh? What happens when I’m number one in Ponyville? Suppose after a couple of years, me and you are both flying, but I’m still better? You really think I can be a Wonderbolt if I just work hard enough?”
“Of course you can be a Wonderbolt! Why wouldn’t you?” Rainbow Dash came bursting through the door.
He threw his head back in exasperation. “Why are you in my room? I didn’t invite you here, Rainbow Dash. This is my room. And if I don’t wanna bust my tail off practising anymore, it’s my decision.”
“Well, I’m telling you you could be a Wonderbolt one day, and you’re making the wrong decision,” Rainbow argued. “Why would you want to give up on becoming a Wonderbolt? You’re an ace, you’ve got everything it takes.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t have any of what it takes.”
“Sure you do. You’ve got the heart, the determination, the speed. At your age, you’re a bigshot!”
“Oh yeah? Then why didn’t anyone ever say so, huh? If I’m such a bigshot, why can’t I ever win?”
Rainbow shook her head. “Wait, what?”
He whimpered. “I can’t win anything, Rainbow Dash. I’m as good as I can be, and it’s still too little. It’s not good enough. I’m not good enough. If I am like you say I am, why can’t I ever win anything? I try so hard, every day, I eat right and I train right, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing.”
“That’s not true. You’re an ace flyer; you can compete,” Rainbow argued.
“With what? Kids who are five years older than me?”
“Actually, now that you mention it, probably.”
He snorted. “I’m not even allowed in those clubs. And the colts there can fly circles around me. They’re bigger than me. I had to max out everything just to get my wingpower up to seven. Those kids get nine wingpower without even breaking a sweat. You can’t learn size. So why try?”
Rainbow Dash groaned and sat down next to him, leaving the boy flanked. “Come on, Rumble, what’s gotten into you? What makes you think you should quit? I just told you you were good enough. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Why did you want me to do a routine in front of the girls?”
She sighed. “I was trying to boost your confidence. Make you act like a real winner would, have some fun.”
“And did you think it was awesome? That it was Wonderbolts material?”
“Of course it was.”
“Good enough to compete?”
“Yes.”
“With Scootaloo?”
“Well...”
He looked Rainbow in the eyes then. “If I’d done that act for the flagbearer competition, are you saying that I could have won? That I could have beaten Scootaloo and her friends, that I could have carried the Ponyville flag? Was it that good?”
“Umm, sure?”
“Then you’ve answered your own question. That was my act for the flagbearer competition. I did go up against the girls. And it wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t compete. My team mate dropped out, and then I had to drop out, and nopony said anything about it. I thought that maybe I just needed to do a better act, that maybe my wingpower wasn’t up to snuff. But you said all of that was fine. So that just leaves one thing: me. Everything else was good, so it must be me. I’m not good enough, and if I’m not good enough now, then I never will be. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be good enough.”
“What? That’s not true. Where did you get that idea?”
He pouted. “Don’t pretend you don’t know. I busted my wings back at the reservoir, when every able-bodied pegasus had to do their duty, had to do their best. I beat my records, I listened to you when you told me and everypony else to push it. I passed out when it was done. And you know what I heard when I woke up? ‘Fluttershy! Fluttershy! Fluttershy can really fly!’ She didn’t even practise with us. She wasn’t even there for the first try, she wasn’t even tired like the rest of us.”
“So you’re quitting because you can’t be the centre of attention all the time? That’s nice and mature of you.”
“See?” He shrugged. “You don’t care. Nopony does. I don’t want to be the centre of attention all the time. I want to get a little attention just one time. Just once, I’d want some pony to tell me I did a good job, because I did a good job. I wanted ponies to see me like a real Wonderbolt stallion. That’s all I wanted, all I ever wanted. I tried my best, and I didn’t get it. I did what you asked me to, I did my duty as a Ponyville stallion, and I still didn’t get what I wanted. I did everything right for tornado duty, everything, and everypony just left me. Same with the flagbearer competition. I wanted to win so bad. I tried so hard. I’ve spent all that time and effort trying to get better, trying to up my game, and now it turns out that was pointless? That it was already good enough? That it was never my act, but me that was the problem? I could have quit ages ago, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. You never even noticed me, or Featherweight. All you could think about was Scootaloo and her friends, even when I dropped out. Nothing I could have done would have competed with that.”
“But that’s different: she was gonna quit the most important contest in her life! She tore down her posters and everything.”
“And I did quit the most important contest in my life, coach. Do you see any posters here?” He shook his head. Sure enough, the walls of his room were bare, aside from the occasional strip of sticky tape that once held a Wonderbolts poster. “Face it: the only way I’d ever get noticed, is if I get treated special. Nothing I do to earn it, to get it fair and square, matters. If that’s how things are, I might as well quit while I’m ahead. You were right: I can’t be a Wonderbolt stallion if I can’t act like a Wonderbolt stallion. And I can’t. If my act was fine, then the problem’s not with the act; it’s with me. The problem’s always been me. The problem’s always going to be me. Even if I keep going, for years and years, pushing myself, it’s never going to be good enough.”
As bad as it sounded, Rainbow Dash still saw some chance to reason to with him. “Come on, Rumble, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Of course you can be good enough. You’ve come so far already, you just got unlucky. Your act was good because you’re good, definitely good enough.”
He grumbled. “Good enough, huh? Good enough, like Soarin?”
“Exactly. You’re Wonderbolts material, just like him, or your brother.”
“If he’s so good, then why did Spitfire and Fleetfoot almost get you to replace him for the Equestria Games?” He asked. “If Wonderbolts are so awesome, why would they allow a mare like Lightning Dust to put a whole squad of recruits in danger, even promote her to lead pony over you?”
It was only then that Rainbow Dash remembered that, yes, Rumble was Thunderlane’s little brother, yes, Thunderlane was about as close to Wonderbolt membership as she was, and yes, that probably meant little Rumble had heard about some of the less savoury behind-the-scenes stuff. “Oh. Well… okay, maybe there have been a couple of times when it may have possibly looked like Wonderbolts are a little uptight, that they can be pretty ruthless when it comes to performance, and maybe even that they tend to be jerks, but that doesn’t mean they are, not all the time. You just got the wrong idea about it, that’s all. And it doesn’t mean you should stop trying.”
“Why?”
“So you can follow your dreams, so you could inspire others,” Rainbow Dash said. “Be the bigger pony. Soarin stayed, even after all that. He’s still a Wonderbolt, and he’s one of the most upstanding ponies you could ever meet. Would you rather be a quitter than a pony like that?”
He sighed. “I tried, Rainbow Dash. But I can’t be the pony I wanna be, not anymore. It’s all lies. One way or another, I can’t be that kind of pony. I can’t measure up to that standard. If real Wonderbolts can’t, how am I supposed to? Even the best Wonderbolts are just lies.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Are you seriously going to try and tell me that you think the greatest Wonderbolt of all time isn’t just a jerk without any conscience? You want to tell me that, and pretend it’s not a lie?”
Scootaloo frowned. “Wait, I’m confused. Spitfire’s a jerk now?”
Rainbow Dash’ heart sank when she realised her mistake. “No. He’s talking about an older one.”
That only confused the filly more. “So which Wonderbolt is the greatest? Who are you talking about?”
Rainbow let her head hang. “Wind Rider. You were a Wind Rider fan. Of course you were. Gosh, Rumble, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
Scootaloo tilted her head, confused. “Who?”
“It’s a long story, squirt. And not a very nice one.”
“It’s not your fault, Rainbow Dash. But you see what I mean? How am I ever going to be an inspiration to anypony? Even if I manage to keep this up, even if I make it big one day, it doesn’t matter. Wonderbolts get replaced, or kicked out, or called lazy, or rewarded for being jerks. I could deal with knowing all that, I could be the bigger pony. I wanted to be the bigger pony. But then Wind Rider tried to get you kicked out.”
“That’s totally different, Rumble,” Rainbow said.
“No, it’s not, it’s exactly the same. I’m not good enough. And even if I was, I don’t want to be a Wonderbolt if it means having to choose between being a doormat no one likes or a complete jerk who doesn’t care about others. I want to be a stallion other ponies look up to, help other ponies be the best they can be. Even if I somehow managed to get that far, the Wonderbolts are not like that, not by a long shot. Everything I’ve tried to be is a lie. And you know it.”
He gulped and caught his breath.
“Wonderbolts don’t give up? You gave up when you couldn’t pass your written exam and the whole town had to pitch in, Thunderlane told me how you were ready to walk out of the Academy because of Lightning Dust. Wonderbolts don’t bail on their own? Soarin almost got replaced for the Equestria Games. They didn’t even visit him in the hospital: me and Thunderlane did, and he was the competition! And Wonderbolts lead by example? Wind Rider was the best example I had, and he tried to frame you? Get you kicked out just so his record would stand a little longer? You want to be that kind of pony? You want me to be that kind of pony?”
“No," Rainbow replied. "I don’t want to be that kind of pony, and I definitely wouldn’t want to turn you into that, either. I was hoping to help turn you into the kind of pony that other ponies look up to, a pony like me. If you want to be an inspiration, you gotta stand tall, so ponies will listen. Your brother makes ponies listen by talking slowly and calmly. That’s how you explain things, but it’s not how you get things mobilised.”
“Nopony listens to me, anyway, Rainbow Dash. I can say the same thing over and over again, and no one notices. I’m an ace flyer, according to the fastest pony alive, and no one ever noticed. Even you never noticed me. And that’s you. So doesn’t that mean there’s something wrong with me?”
She nodded in sympathy. “No, it means sometimes life just gets in the way, and you get pushed into the background for no reason. It happens, and it sucks. I know how that feels, though. Nopony really paid any attention to me first time I did the Sonic Rainboom. They thought I’d cheated somehow. As for Flight School, heh, well… your big brother’s not the only one who got his reputation there. For a long time, nopony told me I was good enough, just like you. Aside from family, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
“You’re wrong about not being good enough, Rumble. You are. If you’re really that set on becoming a hero, or an example, if you really want it that bad, if you’ve been pushing so hard, you shouldn’t quit. The Wonderbolts are the best place for a pony like that. If that’s the pony you wanna be, then that’s where you have to go, that’s where you belong. But as much as I hate to say it, I do agree with you on one thing. Sometimes the ponies you look up to turn out to be very different from what you thought.”
“Like Wind Rider.”
She sighed. She still had that Daring Do novel enshrined in her living room. “More like him and every Wonderbolt I’ve ever met, along with a lot of other ponies, even princesses. It’s not what you think, though. Those ponies aren’t all jerks or losers deep down, it’s not their fault they don’t measure up to every little thing we expect them to. It’s just that ponies like us, real fans, the ones who try to be like their heroes, we like to think the ponies we look up to are perfect. That they can do everything, and that maybe, if we try hard enough, we can do everything, too, just like them. But there’s always going to be things a pony can and can’t do.” She cast a glance towards Scootaloo. A day and a half, and Thunderlane had managed to do what she had failed to do in months. She didn’t want to think about what might have happened if Rumble hadn’t suggested their little exchange.
“Meeting your heroes in pony can be scary, because then you learn that they’re real, and not perfect. I’ve had it happen to me, more than once. And believe me, that wasn’t an easy thing to realise. Even for a grownup, it’s a harsh lesson. I understand, Rumble, really. You have no idea. But I didn’t give up when I went through this, and neither should you. The Wonderbolts aren’t a lie; they’re an idea. An idea can be perfect. A pony can’t. Not me, not Spitfire or Soarin, not Wind Rider. And definitely not you.”
He sighed.
“That’s what’s bugging you, isn’t it? That’s why you got so upset when I said you were good enough. You’re worried you’ll end up like him, that you are like him already, deep down. You think if you do make it big, you’ll mess up one day and disappoint the ones that look up to you. You think you’ll hurt ponies the way you’re hurt right now.”
He nodded solemnly. “I don’t want to drop the ponies that look up to me. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise I turned into Wind Rider. But that’s exactly what I wanted, for as long as I can remember. What does that say about me?”
“It says you’re a dedicated fan with a lot of heart. All the more reason not to quit now,” Rainbow said, patting him on the back.
“Why not? I know what they say about me. That I’m crazy, obsessed. They’re right. And I have nothing to show for it.”
“But do you think you’ll be happier if you quit?” Scootaloo asked.
“No. But what else am I supposed to do? Keep training, for no reason? Keep trying for the Wonderbolts, after all that? I don’t have what it takes.”
“Yes, you do, as long as you don’t aim for the ponies,” Rainbow Dash said. “Aim for the idea. That’s what I do. That’s what I’ve taught Scootaloo.”
“Huh?”
Scootaloo patted him on the back. “She means you could try being your own hero.”
“I’m confused.”
“It’s simple,” Rainbow Dash said. “You see…”
~It may not be too humble,
Thinking you’re the best.
But you know does that, Rumble?
The ones who put it to the test~
~So you think that you don’t cut it
And your heroes all fell through
Well as long as you learn to strut it,
Then the real hero is you.~
~Everypony’s awesome in their own way
Everyone can learn to persevere
There aren’t too many who do it
But the ones that do learn through it, all the strength they need is right in heeerrre~
Rainbow Dash put a dramatic hoof on her chest, taking off a short distance over the boy’s bed.
~Everypony’s awesome in their own way
You can be your own hero, if you try~
~It takes a special kind of pony,
To keep going through defeat,
And even if they call you a phony,
You can’t ever drag your feet.~
“We have hooves, not feet,” Scootaloo protested.
“And that’s why Sweetie Belle is the singer of you three, not you,” Rainbow retorted.
~Anyway, it’s a tough gig
Being tough no matter what
But you wanna make it big
Then you’ve got to give it all you’ve got~
~‘Coz everypony’s awesome in their own way
You don’t need to be somepony you’re not~
Scootaloo shrugged. “~I guess what she’s trying to say, is that you need to find your own way, if your heroes can’t do what you... want’em? To? Do? This song’s got a weird rhythm.~”
“Ugh, try not to get distracted, squirt?”
~Look kid, I guess what I’m saying,
Is stop tagging along at the back
You can spend your whole life praying
Or you can get it back on track~
~You don’t need to keep looking up
You’ve got everything right here
And when you win your very first cup, you’ll see
There’s nothing for you to fear.~
~Everypony’s awesome in their own way
Everyone's got something they want to do
Get up, go out and fly
And you can be the guy they look up to~
~Everypony’s awesome in their own way
I learned to be a hero, and so can you~
Rumble pouted and sighed once the singing stopped. Where, exactly, the music had come from, he didn’t know, and as a Ponyville pony he’d stopped questioning it a long time ago. “So, what? You’re saying I shouldn’t care about being ignored all the time?”
“I’m saying you won’t be ignored if you start showing off in front of your class,” Rainbow Dash said. “You’ve obviously got a strong sense of pride and discipline. Maybe a little too strong. Just because Wonderbolts aren’t as perfectly awesome as you’d like them to be doesn’t mean you should stop trying to be. Don’t think about what the Wonderbolts would demand from you; think about what you could offer them one day. And, you know, maybe if you stopped holding other ponies to impossible standards, you might realise you’re holding yourself a little too high, too.”
“But nothing’s changed! I’m still the only pony who flies for real around here. I don’t have anypony to measure up to. I don’t have any standards besides the Wonderbolts! What am I supposed to do about that?”
“Well, there aren’t any race clubs for kids like us. So I guess that means you have to wait. But, you know, I’m gonna have to wait, too, now,” Scootaloo said.
“Just keep going, Rumble,” Rainbow Dash said. “In a couple of years, everything will be better. Once you get into the circuit, once you can perform, I promise you’ll be flying with the best. And the best will understand you, and you’ll understand them.”
He bit his lip. “You really think so?”
“I know so. What do you say? Are you gonna be a champ or a chump?”
He shrugged. “I guess I don’t have a choice, then. I’m a champ.”
“Great! I’ll see you first thing tomorrow for practice.”
“Tonight’s a school night, Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo noted.
“You have school?”
Rumble rolled his eyes. “I’ll keep practising, you don’t have to worry. I’ll… try to be my own hero, I guess, see how that works.”
“That’s perfect,” Rainbow Dash said.
Rumble looked left, then right. “So, can you two please get off my bed and out of my room now?”
“Err, of course. See you around, Rumble!” Rainbow dashed out of the room.
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” Scootaloo asked.
He nodded. “I’m a champ, remember? Just gotta keep going. Did, umm, did Thunderlane fix your problem?”
Scootaloo nodded. “Yup. Thanks a lot for that, by the way. I owe you, big time.”
Rumble tilted his head in confusion. “Why? Thunderlane’s the one who fixed it.”
“And if it hadn’t been for you, he never would have noticed it. Rainbow Dash couldn’t get me to fly. Thunderlane could. But he only did because you knew he could.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“Do you mind if I go flying with you tomorrow, on our break? Just to see how I measure up?”
“Sure. It’ll be nice to have another high-flyer around.”
“Rumble!” A female voice called out. “Why did that mare just come flying out of your room with a blush on her face?”
“That’ll be my mom. You’d better go.” He got up and escorted her to the door. “Oh, and Diamond Tiara?”
The girls standing right outside all froze.
“Stop fretting about me. I’m fine, you can tell your mom I’ll be winning stuff soon, or competing, at least. You know, in a couple of years.”
Scootaloo quickly dashed off, flying out. Flying, not trotting or running. It was a comforting thing to see, actually. Her departure was quickly followed by the sound of heavy hoofsteps coming up the stairs, and the sounds of many smaller hoofsteps trying and failing to make their retreat a silent one.
Rumble got back to his bed and flopped on his back, letting his wings spread out and relax against the soft covers.
He sighed.
Wonderbolts don’t give up.
Wonderbolts don’t bail on their friends.
Wonderbolts don’t sit on their laurels.
Another deep breath, and he closed his eyes.
Wonderbolts earn their laurels, and wear them with pride.
I guess.
The End