Lessons
You’re sound asleep in the rather comfortable bed that Twilight lent you. You don't know what type of material the bed and the sheets are made out of. But it doesn't matter, its soft as hell and warm too!
The door to the room crashes open. Before you realize what’s going on you are being shoved in the shoulder all while you hear, “Anon wake up. Anon wake up!” over and over again.
Well… you were comfortable… until Twilight kicked the door in.
You moan and turn over in the bed while you mumble the typical question, “What?”
“Yesterday you said that you would show me how your weapons work!” Twilight chimes happily.
You crack and eye open and catch a glance at the clock sitting on the table next to the bed. It reads “6:00 a.m.” then you glance at the window and catch a peek through the curtains. It’s still dark out.
You close your partially opened eye, “How about two more hours?” you mumble.
“Why can’t we go now?” whines Twilight.
You imagine that typical head tilt, shoulder drop, and puppy dog eyes. It’s a cute thought, but sleep sounds better.
“Two reasons Twilight. One, it’s way too early and I love sleeping. And two, it’s dangerous and hard to see the sights at night,” you explain as best as you can through your exhaustion.
“You sound just like Rainbow Dash,” pouts Twilight.
You assume that to be Skittles.
“Twilight, I know how interested you are, but please, can’t I sleep a little longer?”
“Ugh, fine!” she huffs, “Two hours!”
“Three.”
You have a devious plan that just might work.
“You said two,” replies Twilight.
“Positive I said three.”
“You said two.”
Time to Bugs Bunny the shit out of this.
“Three.”
“Two!”
“Three.”
“Two!”
“Four.”
“Two.”
God you hope this works.
“Two.”
“Four.”
Damn this actually is working!
“I demand two.”
“You are going to get four and you’re going to like it!”
“Alright, four it is then. See you at ten,” you reply.
You are internally laughing so badly it hurts.
“Ten it is!” replies Twilight.
You hear foot, or hoofsteps actually, headed for the door and fade as they round the corner. Once the sound fades a little you hear them stop.
“Wait… what just happened?” you hear Twilight mumble to herself.
Totally worth it.
Four hours later.
You sit up on the bed after a good night’s rest. You stretch your arms over your head and let you back pop in a few places. That’s always a good feeling. You let your arms go limp as they land on the bed with a thud and smack your limps. Your mouth feels a little dry, might as well get a drink of water.
After throwing the sheets to the side and climbing onto the-
“ HOLY CRAP!” you lift your feet off the frozen floor immediately, “that’s cold!”
Who the hell builds a castle out of crystal? And if they do, why don’t they make heated floors?
…
That’s a genius idea actually!
You push your new invention to the back of your mind for a later date. Right now you have bigger problems… like finding a pair of socks. Let’s see, you have an extra pair in your pack, but that’s on the other side of the room. So that options out. Then again, now that you think about it, what happened to the pair you’ve been wearing for the last few days? Then again, you really don’t want to put those things on your feet.
You let out a defeated sigh before placing your feet on the cold, cold floor. You take in a surprised gasp as a chill runs up your spine at the feeling while you quickly lose the feeling in your feet. Alright time to move, and quickly too! You push off the bed and practically sprint to the other side of the room. Moving quickly you open your pack and frantically search for your spare pair of socks.
“Where are they where are they?” you say to yourself.
“Looking for these?” asks a female voice behind you.
You pull your arm out of your pack and turning to face the voice. You see Twilight standing there with your extra pair of socks while she wears a dirty mischievous grin.
You point a finger at her, “That’s a dick move!”
“This is what you get for that little stunt you pulled earlier!”
“You woke me up at six! It was dark, I was tired! And I can’t believe that that actually worked…” you say in your defense, “Anyway, give me my socks!” you demand while reaching for the small pair of material. Just like any sibling would do, she prevents you from grabbing them by moving them out of your reach. You stop your assault and straighten your back, “Come on Twilight, this isn’t funny I can’t feel my feet anymore!”
You just realize how much of a child you sound like.
“What’s the magic word?”
You give her a bemused look, “You can’t be serious?”
“I am!”
You let out a defeated sigh, “Fine can I ple- YOINK!” thinking quickly, you grabbed your socks from the young princess and ran like hell.
“HEY! GIVE THOSE BACK!” demands Twilight.
“NOPE!” you scream while rounding the corner of the doorway to your room. You run down the hallway as fast as you can and round another corner of an adjacent hallway and stop to hug the wall.
You peer around the corner to see if little miss purple is following you. When you see nothing, you lean back and rest your head on the crystal wall and catch your breath. You hold your sock up at chest height and smile victoriously. You lower your arm and take a step to your right. Your nose connects with another and your eyes shoot open. You tense up immediately and look into those large purple eyes. You can’t help but fear the worst.
“Magic?” you ask.
“Yep!”
“Teleportation spell of some kind?”
“Yep!”
“Should I start running now?” you ask while pointing a thumb over your shoulder.
“Yep!”
“Okay but one thing?”
“Yes?”
You look past Twilight and point behind her, “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?”
Immediately she turns around, “WHAT!?”
Now that’s she’s distracted you turn and make your leave around the corner and run like hell back down the hall you just came down. All you hear behind you is:
“YOU ARE SO DEAD!”
Since said purple princess can teleport, that sentence alone puts the fear of god in you. Even though this is just playful antics, (you hope), it still scares the shit out of you. Celestia can raise the sun, so what can Twilight do? You don’t ponder it long when you reach a set of stairs. Before you go down you look behind you.
And what you see is frightening.
Twilight is flying at you at full speed. Her teeth are clenched, her arms are out and ready to strangle you, and her eyes are full of anger, there are actual flames in her eyes! Maybe she was serious about the dead part? Without taking a second though you run down the stairs. Behind you, you hear the sound of a body hitting a hard surface, followed by a moan, but you ignore it and keep descending. Once you reach the bottom you run right down the hall. You’re about halfway to the front door. Then again, what will running outside do? It’s a surefire way to get frostbite.
A purple flash and a pop knock you out of your thoughts as Twilight materializes in front of you. She has her hands on her hips and wears an annoyed look while she taps her fo- hoof on the floor. Your eyes go wide; you have way too much momentum to stop. Once Twilight realizes that you are not stopping, she sticks her arms out and braces for impact while you do the same. You crash into her like a speeding car. Both of you fall to the floor, with you landing on top of her. Even when you hit the ground you don’t stop moving, because you roll forward off of her and end up sitting up right.
You furrow your brow and look around in every direction, “What just happened?”
“Ohhhh, maybe that was a little much?”
Immediately you turn your torso around to see Twilight propping herself up with one hand while the other holds her head. Immediately you scramble over to her on your hands and feet. Once you reach her, you sit on your knees while you hold your hands out like you want to grab her but are too nervous to.
“Twilight, I am so sorry!”
She lunges forward and grabs you in what would be an exaggerated hug, “GOTCHA!”
Your worried expression changes, “You did that on purpose. Didn’t you?” you deadpan.
“I didn’t plan on getting hit like that, but capturing you was part of the plan,” she explains.
“Well I feel a whole lot better,” you say with false joy, “I actually though I hurt you.”
You could only imagine what Celestia would say… or do.
“It wasn’t as bad as it looked,” she says.
“I’d say otherwise,” says a raspy female voice.
You and Twilight both go stiff. Your first thoughts go into explanations. You know what this is, Twilight knows what this is, Skittles is going to exploit this for everything its worth! Okay explanations, aliens? Well you are the alien, so that’s out. You’re drunk? Sure don’t smell like it. Uh, uh, uh, you ran out of gas. You... you had a flat tire. You didn't have enough money for cab fare. Your tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole your car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! Quick thinkthinkthnink! Stop thinking about the word think and think you idiot!
“Uh… I can explain Rainbow,” says Twilight nervously.
“Rainbow Dash! That’s her name, honestly how could I forget!?” well that was poorly timed.
“Uh, yeah, that’s my name,” says little miss rainbow hair.
“Um… Twilight, are we um… interrupting something?” asks a light, but nervous voice.
“Twilight, wouldn’t a bed be ah better place to do this?” asks a southern voice.
“Come now darling, they can do whatever they want. This is her castle after all,” chimes a happy, (stuck up), voice.
“Two things, one, it’s not what you think and two, TWILIGHT COLD YOU PLEASE LET ME GO!” that was less of a question and more of a statement.
Immediately Twilight lets go of you and holds her arms close to her body and blushes while you casually adjust your sleeping shirt. Good thing it was cold and Twilight offered you a shirt and sweatpants, this would have been really bad if you were in your underwear. After your shirt is set you stand up and help Twilight to her feet.
Once Twilight is set you look at Rainbow, she wears a shit faced grin and starts to open her mouth, “This is one of the few times I am willing to hit a girl in the mouth!” you say forcefully before she says something stupid, “it was NOT what you think it is. Got it!?” you order while you get two inches from her face.
Rainbow closes her mouth and gulps nervously, “Got it.”
“Good!” you turn and take a step, “God, I hate it when people do that to me!” you say while you pass Twilight, “Let me get my shit and we can get started… I need to blow off some steam anyway,” you mumbled the last part to yourself.
You really need to stop exploding. It’s been a stressful week, yes, but Twilight pardoned you from prison and set you up in the castle. And her friends have just been interested in you since they met you. They wanted to learn so much yesterday and you were happy oblige.
And they are the only ones that treat you like a regular person… not some monster that comes from the deep dark forest. Honestly, you should really be thanking them, and you know for a fact that they were just joking. You reach you room and grab the handle, but before you turn it and walk in- Wait a minute there were five… where’s the-
The door to your room fly’s open and a pink hand garbs you and drags you inside before being taken into a backbreaking hug while the owner says, “HI!” with joy and enthusiasm.
But you only have one thought, well, besides the pain shooting through your back, “Cant… breath… back… broken… death… imminent!”
She releases you immediately and you fall to the floor, thankfully landing on your feet. You grab your chest like you’re having a heart attack with one hand and place the other on your leg for support, “My whole life flashed before my EYES!” you pause for dramatic effect, “AND IT WAS BORING!” your false seriousness dies while you start to laugh.
Something about this pink colored girl makes you want to laugh. You don’t know what it is and you don’t question it at the moment. But between laughs and gasps you look at the pink girl while the hamster in her head starts running.
She perks up in realization, “Oh! I get it now!” she starts to laugh hysterically.
You both laugh like maniacs for a little while.
“But seriously you should go to apologize to everypony. La-la-la-la-la!” she sings while skipping out of the room and around the corner.
Wait…what just happened?
She pokes her head through the doorway, “I said go apologize silly!” she disappears yet again.
Can she read minds?
“On occasion!”
…
Your brain hurts too much to even comprehend what the hell just happened but shrug it off quickly. You change your clothing –thanks to Twilight- and make your leave. Once you’ve gathered the girls and your gear you head outside into the cold. Well, thankfully it isn’t as cold when you’re bundled up in all your wool clothing. You have everything you need –you think so at least, all you’re missing is a target.
You look at Twilight, “Twilight, do you have a target? Like an apple?” This gets an angry groan out of the orange farmer, “Okay maybe an orange…” her angry grimace turns into a happy smile, “Or a sheet of paper with a target drawn on it?”
“Oh here you go!” pipes up Pinkie as she pulls a target out of her hair, “And don’t forget the pin!” she hands you a simple thumb tack.
“Thank…you?” you say questionably as you take the tack in your left hand and the… well… that’s a damn good looking target in your right.
The red rings are perfect and it’s just the right size. After a short walk to a nearby tree, the target is hung and everyone is standing in front of you with looks of interest. Although Twilight is holding a writing pad and a… is that a quill? If that’s the case, you could make some good coin on pens!
That’s beside the point. You walk over and grab you rifle and open the action. You hold it out with two hands… thankfully Twilight gave you gloves. You could pass on the purple and the six starts embroidered on it.
“This is my M1 Garand…”
One cliché gun history, operation, and safety speech later.
“So… who’s first?” you ask.
Twilights hand shoots up, “Me!?” she says enthusiastically.
“Alright Twilight,” you answer.
Twilight walks up and you hand her the –unloaded- weapon. She grabs it and does the usual compensation stance with the weapon. Her feet are together and if she was leaning back any further she would fall over. You quickly correct that. Once she’s ready you tell her to squeeze the trigger.
Click.
“Alright. Easy right?” you ask.
“Uh-huh,” she answers with a nod of her head.
“Alright,” you take the weapon from her grasp and pop a clip in, “So, I’m low on ammo. We’re going to have to be mindful and sparing,” you say before hitting the charging handle and chambering a round.
“Oh I can fix that!”
You look up at Twilight. She pulls a full clip from you pouch and levels it over to herself. She takes it in her hand and scrunches her face and bites her tongue in concentration while her horn glows a bright purple. A pop and a flash of purple light another clip full of eight rounds appears out of thin air.
Your jaw hits the floor, “That is so awesome,” you stand up straighter, “Probably a good thing I don’t have magic,” you say to yourself with a finger on your chin while you look to the sky.
“What do you mean?” asks Rarity.
Let’s see… replicate money, cars, guns, food, you can think of a long list of possibilities to use it for.
“Oh nothing!” you look at the purple princess, “Here Twilight, remember the gun is ready to go off.”
“Got it,” she says with a slight nod before taking the gun.
She goes back to the stance you taught her. She takes a deep breath and closes her eye before opening it. You slowly watch her wrap her finger around the trigger. You look back at the rest of the girls and cover your ears with your hands.
“You might want to cover your ears?”
“Why?” asks Skittles.
BANG!
You watch as they all grab their ears and double over in pain. After a couple of seconds they start to stand up and rub their ears with their hands.
“No reason,” you say while lowering your arms to your sides.
Twilight lowers the gun and looks over her shoulder at you, “So how did I do?”
You walk up next to her and take the weapon, “Let’s see,” you say before looking down the scope. Lining up the cross hairs with the target you can see a tiny dark hole on the outer ring, “About four inches high and three inches to the right,” you say before lowering the gun and looking at her, “I have seen worse, but at least you hit the paper,” you compliment. She smiles.
Over the next hour you watch each of the girls shoot. Fluttershy fell on her rear and dropped the gun when she shot. No one was hurt... well, her rear and shoulder hurt. But no one was shot… thankfully. Applejack hit right in the second right which is very impressive. Rarity had a heart attack when the tiniest amount of gun grease got on her jacket and she ran like hell toward her house. That caused you to laugh your ass off. Much to Twilight's dismay.
You’ve crawled face first through animal shit to stalk animals. Gun grease is nothing to complain about. Pinkie –somehow- you still can’t wrap you head around it… she shot ten rounds out of an eight round gun!
WITHOUT RELOADING!
Finally Rainbow Dash is up. You hand her the gun while she takes her confident stance. You stand next to her, with a little toilet paper shoved in your ears while the rest of her friends stand behind you two with their ears covered.
“Hope you’re ready?” you ask.
She looks at you and gives you a confident and rather cocky smile, “I was born ready!”
“Alright,” you question.
You hold up the binoculars you got a little while ago and focus on the target and leave Rainbow to her own devices.
After a couple of seconds she pulls the trigger.
BANG!
You examine the target but fail to see a bullet hole.
“Miss.”
“What!?” snaps Rainbow while lowering the gun.
You lower the binos and look at her, “You missed,” you hold up the binos to your eyes again, “Try again.”
She grumbles and raises the gun a second time.
BANG!
“Miss.”
BANG!
“Miss.”
BANG!
“Miss.”
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! TING!
“Miss, miss, miss, hit,” that last round took the top left hand corner off the target. Not a true hit but a hit nonetheless. You lower the optics, “One out of eight.”
You turn and face her. Only to get your gun shoved into your chest. You let out an off and grab the weapon and look at Rainbow.
She’s pretty frustrated. Her arms are crossed and she's looked down and to the right, “That stupid thing is broken!”
You roll your eyes. You know that it’s all her and her frustration. You grab the binoculars and remove them from around your neck and hold them out to Twilight. Taking the unspoken hint she takes them from your grasp and walks up next to you while Rainbow walks back behind you.
Facing the target you take one of the many bandolier holsters Twilight created. By now its muscle memory, with the next eight rounds removed and loaded you take your stance and line up the cross hairs on the center dot.
“I bet 100 bits he misses,” whispers Rainbow.
“I’ll take that bet,” you say, not taking your attention away from the target.
“Deal!”
You smirk.
You take a deep breath and close your eyes before letting it out slowly while opening your eye. You’re ready.
BANG!
“Bulls eye!”
And that was the start and end of an easy bet. Eight shots, eight in the ring, pretty good for shooting off hand. You lower the gun and turn around while Twilight does the same with the binos. You wear a smug half smirk while you look at the rainbow haired girl.
“You cannot be serious?” she asks in disbelief. Your expression doesn’t change. Rainbow looks between you and Twilight before she runs up and takes the binos from Twilight and holds them up to her massive eyes, “No…”
In a shot of… rainbow? She has gone down to the target and brought it back in less than ten seconds. Why can’t you have speed like that? Once she returns she lands and looks at the target. Eight shots in one ring. She looks up at your wide eyed and slack jaw.
You stick your hand out and gesture her to give you your money.