//------------------------------//
// Four-Hundred-Eight Trillion Years Later 
// Story: Star Horse: The Friendship Awakens 
// by Good Christian Ethesto 
//------------------------------//

	"Woop, woop, woop. I'm hungry for poop. Now spread your legs and shoot some hoops. Gimme fat stacks, brown rocks from your ass. I'll roll 'em in a joint and smoke your scat with some grass. Fart in my mouth, bitch, I'm hungry for shit. Regurgitate on your clit, I'm gonna lick it. I want that smooth, chocolate pudding, girl, I'm hungry for it. Don't ignore it. Giiirl, I do adore it.

"Feces on my tongue, bitch, tastes like booty. I won't get scurvy, girl 'cuz that shit's fruity. Lay down on your tummy now and shoot it up. Shit defies gravity I'll catch it in a cup. I'll swallow it all with a 'glup, glup, glup', then I'll kill you like Ducky's voice actor, yep, yep, yep. 

"You're all out of poop? Not a problem. I'll slip some laxatives in your drink, you know I gotta. You got that painful diahhrea, just let it go. Creamy in my mouth like a double-stuffed Oreo! Folding up your rectum like some origami. Mmm, what's that taste, corn and Salami? It's burning up your ass, it burns my throat. Shit's drippin' down my chin like a rootbear float.

"Big booty bitches shootin' shit in the air. You think it's gross, oh contraire, I'm eatin' turds everywhere. Gotta eat my own weight in scat each day. Got those big brown logs lined up on a plate. Get your ass off that toilet, girl, I want a taste. I'll eat that ass out won't let nothing go to waste."

Fluttershy flipped off the radio, sick of listening to this shit. Get it? "Oh come on," Negro Dash complained in ebonics, "MC Diahrremix is off the chizzain, yo." 	

"Be that as it may," Fluttershy whispered, unable to hide the fact that his black pony music had grown on her, "we're here."

"W-hat?" said Negro Dash as he turned his ballcap backwards, revealing the 'W' on the back. "I thought it was going to take four-hundred-eight trillion years to get here."

Fluttershy coughed awkwardly into her hoof in a whisper, blush cells filling up her tender lips. "I meant four-hundred-eight trillion minutes," she admitted in a whisper. That was exactly one week, which was the exact amount of time they'd been traveling together.

Negro Dash went and looked out the window, seeing Equestria far below them in all it's splendor. "Wowzy houzy, I sure can't wait to get down there and tell all my resisties buddies about my new best gal pal, Fluttershy."	

"I can't wait to sell this space airplane for legal US currency to help save for retirement," whispered Fluttershy.

"Haha, good joke, Flutters. Everypony knows that on Equestria the currency is bits, not legal US dollars. Your whole stash of green paper and Jew gold is next to worthless here." Negro Dash explained.

Fluttershy wasn't even close to happy after hearing this, and her eyes began to twitch, not from rage, but because she hadn't blinked in the entire week since they'd begun traveling. It's important to not take your eyes of the road, after all. Especially with all this space traffic. "Pray tell, Negro Dash, how do you know about my stash?"

Had Negro not already been profusely sweating, he'd likely have started sweating at that moment, however, it's important to keep in mind that he's always sweating. It's actually really gross and it makes me question why he got hired for this role in the first place. With that in mind, he was sweating very hard as Fluttershy eyeballed him, taking only one eye off the road as it turned and fixed him with a soul-crushing glare.

Thankfully, black ponies don't have souls. To tell the truth, he'd already pillaged everything worth taking from the ship, so it was no wonder he'd stollen all her valuables. No black pony worth his salt wouldn't. "Uh, internet," he lied. 

Thankfully, Fluttershy bought it. Not literally because that would involve spending money, which she isn't wont to do. But in today's economy, can you blame her?

"Good, good," Fluttershy nodded while also simultaneously whispering as her eye rolled back into its normal position. "If you had touched my stash I'd be forced to torture you for several days before utterly eradicating you from existence." She'd done it before and she'd do it again. 		

"Hey, let's land over there!" Negro Dash changed the subject, thick globs off green sweat sliding haphazardly down his face. Unfortunately, they'd run out off tissues a while ago. 		

Fluttershy complied, carefully maneuvering the space airplane into a nose dive. 	

"Um, what are you doing?" Negro Dash questioned, being flung from his seat since he wasn't wearing his seat belt. Remember kids, click it, or ticket! It's the law!	

"Well, I know how to fly space airplanes, but not how to land them," she whispered, sticking her tongue out and bopping herself on the head with a hoof. Thankfully, gravity saved them as it pulled them down to the planets surface. They opened the doors and climbed out, finally being able to breathe again since they'd run out of oxygen days ago. 	

Fluttershy's eyes dilated as harsh, ultraviolet rays poured unfiltered into her retinas, and she turned and was able to actually examine the ship for the first time. It looked like a big, gay donut or something, and was basically trash and a shit design for a ship. On the side in blocky, neon-green letters was the ship's name. "The Friend Ship," Fluttershy read, disgust evident as the tiny fingers in her throat plucked a whisper from her vocal cords. "What a stupid name."

"I don't now," Negro Dash felt compelled by some greater force to disagree, "I think it's fitting."	

"I'll fit you into a ball and fire you from a cannon into the sun," Fluttershy threatened in a harsh whisper before changing the subject completely. "So, where the heck are we going on this dump of a planet." She was still mad that the currency here was objectively shit. I mean, gold coins? The year is 20XX, ponies, get with the program. 	

"Right over there," Negro Dash said, pointing at Rarity's boutique which was no more than a dozen yards away from them.

"Wow, that place sure looks chique, unique, and magnique," Fluttershy whispered, those the only words dumb enough that she could think of to describe such a building. Of course, what kind of story would it be without Applejack showing up?

"Howdy ya'll," he called as he stepped out of his own space airplane. That's right, Applejack is the best pilot in the entire universe. "Ah reckon ah jus' finished shootin' them ther' womp rats, and also gimme back mah jacket ya'll dirty Negro."

Negro Dash laughed, having stolen his leather jacket and I forgot to mention he'd been wearing it the whole time. He's so black, he stole the clothes right off Applejack's back. "Finders keepers," he explained, bringing up the Act VI in the Equestrian Bill of Rights. 

But Applejack wasn't messin' around. He pulled out his trusty laser boomstick and pointed it right at Negro Dash. "I aint gone ask again, boy."

Now even a smelly idiot like Negro Dash knew better than to mess with someone with a laser boomstick, and he quickly relented. "I was just joking, here have your gay jacket." Unfortunately, it already smelled like black pony, so he was just gonna go burn it anyway. Just like Applejack, always keeping the black pony down. 

"Well boy howdy," Applejack greeted as he turned to Fluttershy. "Good to see another honest-to-Celestia pony round here. Them minorities keep coming up from Celestia-knows-where and mucking up this fine town." Yellow and Orange are basically the same color. "Mah name's Applejack. Ah reckon ya can call me Applejack. Most folks do."

"I'm Fluttershy," our protagonist whispered, "my cutie mark is three tiny space airplanes flying in formation, which explains why I can fly space airplanes."

Applejack's eyes popped from his skull, did a 360 around Fluttershy, and slid back into their charging slots. Sure enough, Fluttershy had told the truth. "Wow, ah can already tell we's gone get along jus' fine, ya hear?"

Fluttershy would be hard-pressed not to hear, since Applejack was yelling, so she nodded her head. Just then, she felt a blade swoosh its way right in between her two of her spinal columns. She turned just in time to see Negro Dash standing behind her as she tipped forward. "Et tu Negro Dash?" She whispered. 

"The Lannisters send their regards," he said, but then realized he wasn't in THAT kind of crossover. "I mean, that's what you get for tricking me last chapter." And Fluttershy was kill. Rest in R.I.P.

To be continued....