//------------------------------// // Outhouse'd // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Dan burst through the doors of Blueblood's mansion. He looked up and immediately realized the shadow he was standing it wasn't the shadow of any building. "Okay… that's a bit bigger than a galleon." The entire griffon fleet hovered just a few hundred feet above them. The first flotilla had been seven wooden galleons, now they were looking at several hundred ships in about every variety imaginable, both those that usually sailed on waves and a crap ton stolen from Final Fantasy. Ships passed over them by the dozens- wooden sailing ships, steel freighters, tankers and container ships, blimps and dirigibles, two Cylon Basestars, a bunch of Minbari ships, the Beatles' yellow submarine and an airplane named Jefferson followed closely by a starship also named Jefferson. There was another starship just called Starship that followed close behind those two but they didn't really like each other that much. They all swarmed towards Ponyville. "There's… there's hundreds of them!" Phoenix yelled, swallowing. "How the heck are those things even flying?" "The Griffon's nation is composed of pillars in the north-eastern sea. They use ships that can both fly and sail if necessary. Most of their vessels and technology are stolen though, even the stuff they used to steal other stuff," Twilight explained. Chrys swallowed. "Maybe… maybe they're just gonna pass over Ponyville and keep heading south?" The group eyed quizzically at her suggestion. "What? It could happen. They could be ALL here to visit." "Oh sure," Dan rolled his eyes. "They're probably all here to see the famous solid-gold outhouse. Unfortunately, it's gonna be the first thing we demolish after we shoot down this discount flying circus we have overhead. Let's go!" "How are we going to get back to Ponyville?" Twilight asked. "Blueblood's… errr, MY chariot!" Dan declared. "We just take off all the gold crap, maybe sanitize it and-" "But Dan, you shorted out the battery, remember?" "Arrrrrghh… you're right. It was worth breaking it with Blueblood's face," Dan said, remembering. "Even if it was just his bodyguard." "How can we beat the fleet to Ponyville?" Phoenix asked, still cautiously keeping an eye on the sky. "I'm guessing airship is out of the question. They'd probably shoot us down before we got off the ground." "We could use the emergency zip line," Shining suggested. "EMERGENCY zip line?" Dan asked. "And I wasn't told about this because?" "Blueblood just had it installed yesterday," Cadence said. "He had a lot installed yesterday… and he made us make a list." "I burned that list," Shining said, shuddering. "But we remembered the zip line," Cadence said. "It's at the ski lodge on the outskirts of town! Let's get going!" They all bolted down the street, racing the shadows to Ponyville. UGC First Expeditionary Armada Flagship U Mad Bro Information poured into the bridge from multiple subordinates- Gust Grasp only listened to about half of it. Some were from the griffons that were already looting Ponyville, others were updates from the ships as they positioned themselves. The sky marshal kept his eyes focused on the forward viewport, the visual display of Ponyville in front of him. He leaned forward, claws clasped one on top of the other. "Anything?" "No power readings, sir," his sensor officer reported, looking over his screen. "Wait! Wait, I have a faint transponder signal." "Identify it." The officer looked closer at his screen, adjusting his glasses. "Red-fountain, blue-lines, green-triangle." "Heh," Gust rubbed his beak, "they called in the border patrol. Good ole' Rogue Squadron, last line o' defense. Inform our squadrons they might have some new playmates soon and tell our ships to ready the Trouble Bags." "The… the Trouble Bags, sir?" The sensor officer looked over his shoulder to confirm the order. Gust gave him a single nod. "Relaying…" "They're not the only ones with surprises, it's time they learned that," Gust said, sitting back again. "Hahaha! I can't believe this!" "What?" Twilight asked, voice loud as the wind whipped by them. "You can't believe we could actually take a zip line back to Ponyville?" "No!" Dan yelled. "I can't believe Blueblood actually built something I approve of!" "Haha, yeah!" Spike said, agreeing. They all agreed: this was finally something Blueblood did that didn't make them want to kill him for. All things considered, it was a huge improvement. With Dan in the lead, they all held onto their own zip line handles as the cable carried them back to their hometown. Cliffs, rocks and the tops of trees passed underneath their dangling legs while the menacing air fleet steamed above them. The massive chord apparently led from one of Blueblood's ski lodges at the base of Canterlot all the way down to Ponyville. While it was only one-way due to gravity, it still carried them far faster than any other mode of transportation, rivaling even that of pegasi flight. Dan looked up as they made it into the outskirts of town. "We did it! We're gonna beat the lead ships home!" "Not the griffons themselves, though," Phoenix remarked. They were now almost level with the rooftops of Ponyville, the zip line leading them over the main street. There were groups of griffons patrolling above them and looting buildings in town. None of the invading chimera-like birds paid much attention to Dan and the others, though; they were too busy looking for things to steal. "Oh no," Chrys said, her eyes going wide. "What?" Dan asked, spinning around playfully. "I just… I just…" "What?!" they all looked at her. "Um… what is the end of this zip line attached to?" Dan spun around again. "OUTHOUSE!!!!!" "AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" The group screamed but there was no avoiding it. They all smashed one after the other into Blueblood's solid-gold outhouse. The combined weight and force of the impact caused the outhouse to fall over completely, shake the foundation of the ridiculous platform it was on and cause it all to come crashing down in a pile of rubble. Dan clawed his way out of the debris. "I take it back. We're going to kill him again… first the griffons, then Blueblood." "One less thing to demolish," Blast Powder remarked. As the group crawled out from the ruined rest stop, a bunch of griffons stopped for a group picture. "Haha, hey Gabber, get one with us and the locals." "Heheheh, great idea." The trio of birds stood up shoulder to shoulder and snapped a photo of themselves with the debris-covered Dan and friends recovering behind them. "I got it!" the one said. "Huh… that's odd," the one with the phone said, looking at the picture. In it, there seemed to be someone behind them reaching his hands around their necks. "What is?" "I think we got photobo-AAUUUUGHHLLL" "Welcome to Ponyville!" Dan said to his three captives. Truly, the human was an expert at strangling. He grabbed the two on the outside by the neck and smashed them against the third one in the middle, choking them with his hands and using their own heads to choke the third. Physical violence was an art to Dan. "Where we're always willing to stick our NECKS out for each other!" "Uh, Dan?" Twilight tapped his shoulder. "What?! Oh…" Looking up, the human quickly saw several other griffons vectoring towards them. He quickly tossed his three prisoners to the ground and started running with Twilight and the others. "You guys get off easy! Tell your friends to get lost!" "We're gonna get to the house and lockdown everything!" Dan yelled as they all ran. "What if they already looted the house?" Chrys asked. "Hey, that's one of the things we have going for us!" Dan called out. "Even these guys probably aren't stupid enough to rob a library!" "Is there anything valuable in there?" Phoenix asked. "Records, documents, money?" "Nah," Dan said. "Just those Elements of Harmony things." Suddenly, Twilight raced by them in a full gallop. "RUNFASTERRUNFASTERRUNFASTERRUNFASTERRUNFASTER!!"