Disappointment. Celestia was disappointed with herself. She could not help but cringe in shame when she thought about how she had treated Luna. She had behaved like a filly. For all that Celestia had faced, it seemed that love was almost always her undoing. She sat in her chambers, the curtains were closed, and no sun shone into her room.
Her regalia, her crown, and her shoes were scattered about the room. She had adorned herself with the intention of holding court, but when she had stood at the door, she found that she could not face the world. She had instead retreated. She was entitled to a day off. Raven could run the empire for the day without trouble.
What had she become? She thought of her many triumphs as well as her many failures. Her loves were listed among her failures and thinking about this made her heart ache. She struggled with her decision, very much like a dog worrying a bone. She went back and forth, all while experiencing the gamut of the emotional spectrum. Self loathing, self pity, anger, frustration, sadness, sorrow, grief, all of it had bubbled up from deep inside like spring water and poured out in the form of tears.
Celestia came to the conclusion that she was not the pony that she thought she was. She had been far too quick to turn upon her sister. What might have happened had she not stayed her rage? She had not dealt with her past hurts; she had only acknowledged them and moved on. That wasn’t the same as dealing with them.
Now, she was in her room moping after having one of the most magical, most wonderful nights of her life. And it had been wonderful. Gosling had been a perfect gentlepony. He had jumped into the dirty, mucky duck pond to swim with her. He had been open, honest, and sincere.
Celestia winced when she thought about how he deserved better.
He had fallen in love with a sham. He was infatuated with the image she had projected; the perfect, flawless, pristine, white, pure image that she showed off for the world to see. She was the pony that the world wanted her to be. What might the world think if it saw her as she was in her room right now?
Moping alone in her room only amplified her loneliness. She could go to her sister, but Luna was no doubt sleeping. If she went to Twilight, well, poor Twilight would no doubt have a meltdown if she saw her mentor in this state. Cadance was right out; if Cadance was here, Celestia had no doubt that she would be getting lectured. At some point, Cadance had grown up and become the ruler that Celestia had always hoped that she would be, but this came at the cost of having to hide from Cadance during moments of crisis, like now.
Frustrated, emotional, pent up, Celestia decided to go and rub one out in the bathtub.
After a long bath, Celestia felt no better. Nothing could satisfy the itch, the need for companionship. She paced her room, still angry and disappointed with herself. Only now, she felt even more unsettled, more out of sorts, and more ashamed. Looking after her own needs had never caused her to feel ashamed before and she was at a loss to explain why she felt the way she did.
In the tub, she had experienced a revelation; she needed somepony in her life. There was nothing worse than having to scrub your own back (or scratching your own itch) when you felt lonesome and down and in the dumps. This revelation only increased her anxious worry and left her feeling more unsettled. She wasn’t sure if she could go through with this. And it wasn’t like she could ask Cadance or Twilight to help her fix this problem. Well, she could, but things would never be the same afterwards. There would be too many complications. Twilight would rush off to find books while Cadance would no doubt be critiquing her performance. (Jerk smarter, not harder.) No, this was not something they could help her with.
Celestia stood on the fence; not knowing which way to go on the issue. She had heard it said that a good ruler could turn a fence into a podium, but she wasn’t sure how that applied to this situation. She certainly didn’t wish to stand at a podium and explain that she found no satisfaction during a private moment in the tub due to being so very lonesome.
Thus came the second revelation; Celestia desperately needed somebody to fill her generation gap. It wasn’t just emotional loneliness, but also physical. What she needed was at least three months on some nice tropical island, an endless supply of fruity rum drinks with little umbrellas, and somepony young enough as well as durable enough to survive the encounter. Somepony like Gosling. Celestia gnawed her lip as she thought about him. He did have a most impressive wingspan, she had seen it. She had even thought about it in the tub.
The guard had impressive physical fitness regimens and three months in the tropics would give Celestia a chance to grade their performance metric. She chewed on her lip some more and began to pace across her room, all while trying to keep her emotions in check.
If she did go through with it, she wondered how Equestria might feel if she eloped. She didn’t want to deal with the headache, the hassle, or the fuss. She also didn’t feel like waiting. She was thousands of years old. Waiting, while sometimes necessary, was for chumps. She had waited a thousand winters for Luna’s return and she wasn’t about to endure a needless wait to get married.
If she followed through with this. Therein was the rub, or the inability to rub, as the case might be. Failure to achieve climax in the tub was no reason to rush off and get married, but it had given her some focus. She had needs. Physical needs. Emotional needs. These needs could no longer be ignored.
What Celestia did not realise was that she was acting very much like a young filly in the throes of mad, crazy infatuation. As she paced, a powerful wave of nausea overcame her. She felt hot, flustered, and she itched all over even though she had just taken a long bath.
There was so much to consider… what if the changelings came back? What if Gosling was foalnapped and held for ransom? Celestia didn’t want to have to bring back orbital bombardment—the last time she had done it, the maps of the known world had to be rewritten and there was a lot of new coastline that had to be accounted for. Plus, asteroids were so difficult to aim properly. It was more of a crapshoot, really.
To love would mean having vulnerability. It would mean having a weakness. Leverage that could be used against her. The most precious thing in her life would be in constant danger. She had enemies. What if Grogar came back? There were still far too many thousand year old evils unaccounted for. Celestia bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. It stained her chin scarlet and dribbled down to the floor in a thin, narrow rivulet.
As for having foals… what was she thinking?
Almost paralysed by fear, she knew that sleep would offer no solace, no safety, she couldn’t even doze off or try to nap just to make this all go away. Luna’s magic would latch on to her scrambled emotions and there would be more nightmares, terrible nightmares, like watching Gosling die or reliving the day that she had that enormous pimple on her nose and nopony had bothered to tell her about it out of the fear of saying something.
She shuddered at the memory of the army of her school foals all calling their headmistress ‘Misses Rhino’ in a singsong voice. The corner of her left eye began twitching and the edge of her mouth joined in so they could dance a funky rumba together.
What would Gosling say if he saw her like this?
Scowling, Cadance approached the double doors to Celestia’s chambers. She had been given a worrisome report, a very troubling report indeed. Her aunt had been locked up in her room for most of the day and did not wish to be disturbed. She strode forward with purpose, determination, and confidence. Celestia would see her, Cadance was certain of that.
If not, she would just rip the doors right off of their hinges. She had just what her aunt needed to feel better, and by jolly, her beloved auntie was going to see it. Cadance took a deep breath, bracing herself, and wondered in what sort of state she would find her aunt. The castle staff said that several baths had been ran and that loud thumps had been heard in Princess Celestia’s private chambers.
Auntie needed therapy, of that, there could be no doubt. Cadance was already making arrangements. Until therapy could happen though, other countermeasures had to be employed, and Cadance knew that Gosling was hard at work on the surprise he had planned.
When she reached the double doors, she did not bother to knock. She gave a shove on the door, felt resistance, and scowled. Her horn glowed with a fierce light and the door was flung open. What she saw inside unnerved her.
Her aunt was in a sorry state. White feathers lay scattered across the floor like snowflakes. She had gone past preening her wings and had been plucking out her own feathers. She had chewed her lip to the point of being raw. Cadance shook her head, feeling disturbed and sad. The last time she had seen her aunt like this was days before Nightmare Moon’s return. Celestia had been preparing, she knew, and she had agonised over sending Twilight to go and deal with the threat. She had ripped the feathers out of her wings until she was a bloody mess.
“Hello Cadance,” Celestia said in a quavering voice.
Her lower lip protruding, Cadance stared at her aunt, noting the twitching, the tics, the chapped, shiny nostrils—she had a nervous habit of licking her snoot as well as chewing on her lips. Cadance could see flecks of blood upon her aunt’s white wings. Cadance decided to have a stern word with somepony about leaving Celestia alone, and the most likely target was Raven. Raven of all ponies should have known better. There would be words. Many, many words.
Celestia shifted from side to side. “I’ve been trying to sort a few things out.”
“I can see that,” Cadance said in a gentle voice, the same voice that she used as a foalsitter when she had to explain why a splinter had to come out or that medicine had to be taken.
“I thought about abdicating the throne again.” As Celestia spoke, Cadance noticed the crown that had been melted in the corner. The gems had been crushed into a fine, glittery powder.
Striding forwards, Cadance shook her head. The toughest mare she knew was also one of the most fragile. Celestia’s hardness came with a brittleness to match. Down deep beneath it all, Celestia had the tenderest of hearts.
“Auntie, I have a surprise for you,” Cadance said as she drew nearer to her aunt.
“Oh?” Celestia’s eyebrow arched and her cracked, chapped lips formed a crooked, pained smile.
“Gosling has been working on a surprise—”
“Oh no, Cadance, no… he can’t see me like this.” Celestia shook her head and began to back away. “I need some time, Cadance. I’ve been thinking… thinking about everything and trying to sort out how I feel.”
“I see that,” Cadance replied in a soft, soothing voice. She took another step forwards. “I’m sorry, Auntie, but I’m not going to let you wiggle out of this—”
“But he can’t see me this way,” Celestia hissed as she took another step backwards.
“Yes, he can. Let’s face it, at some point, he is going to see you like this. I think he’ll surprise you. Give him a chance.” Cadance took another step forwards, blinked her eyes, and focused her commanding stare upon her aunt. “Don’t make this difficult. Don’t make me wake Luna and call Twilight for help—”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Celestia said, snarling as she retreated from her advancing niece.
“Try me.” Cadance’s voice had a flat hardness.
“Cadance, please don’t,” Celestia pleaded, the anger melting from her voice as she began to beg. “Cadance, don’t make me go through with this. I just can’t deal with it.”
“Not by yourself, no.” Cadance softened her voice as Celestia had switched to bargaining rather than outright denial or anger. “You were happy last night. I felt love in you. I will not allow that to be cast aside or thrown away. Auntie, there will be a knock down, drag out, good old fashioned throw down if you do this to yourself. I will not allow this to happen. As the Princess of Love, my authority is greater than yours in this particular instance. And as the pony you call your niece, I have a responsibly to look after the needs of my aunt, especially if she becomes unable to look after her own needs.”
“I suppose you do,” Celestia replied, trying to sound reasonable.
Pointing towards the bathroom with her wing, Cadance took another step forwards. “Now, I am going to help you get sorted out and then get you cleaned up. Afterwards, you will join me on the balcony. We mustn’t waste time, and you shall soon see why…”
As she pulled her aunt towards the balcony doors, Cadance heard her whimper. For a moment, Cadance feared that she was going to have to drag Celestia through the double doors, but then she felt her aunt move once more. Cadance opened up the doors and stood beside them, gesturing for her aunt to step through.
Celestia needed a little reassurance, but with Cadance’s tender touch, she was coming around. She needed just a little reassurance, that was all. A little firm reassurance from somepony that she loved and trusted. Cadance knew all about trust. As one of the cornerstones of love, Cadance had a sense for trust and a powerful intrinsic knowledge of its workings.
“Come on, Auntie,” Cadance said in a gentle, coaxing voice. “Step through these doors and let somepony love you.”
Blinking, Cadance watched as her aunt passed through the doors…
Squinting, Celestia’s eyes burned as she stepped out into the bright sunlight. The sun was setting and shining right into her eyes. She had been indoors all day with the curtains closed, hiding in her darkened room. She blinked a few times, her eyes watering, and then, she noticed a flying figure in the distance, a blurry outline that flitted and darted about.
It took Celestia several long minutes of staring before she understood what she was seeing. Gosling was flying around—there was no doubt that it was Gosling—and he was creating a sunset.
He was using clouds in the same way a painter used watercolours. He was arranging fluffy clouds of various transparencies and thickness, placing them in the line of sight between the balcony and the setting sun. Purples, golds, pinks, vivid shades of orange, bright blues, smears of indigo, and lurid shades of red could be seen. He used thinner clouds as prisms to scatter the light and thicker clouds like projector screens to slow and capture the scattered light from the thinner clouds.
The overall effect was breathtaking. Celestia’s mouth dropped open and she stood there staring, her eyes wide, having never seen anything quite like this. The small spark of love in her breast became a searing inferno and, feeling overheated, Celestia almost knocked Cadance right off of the balcony when her wings snapped out from her sides with a loud ‘POMF!’ Even in her somewhat disheveled, frazzled state, Celestia was still a magnificent creature.
The sun drifted lower into the sky, increasing the light show being created by Gosling. He darted about, moving with great speed, shoving clouds around the sky, trying to capture the glory of the setting sun. He pounded on some, making them denser, and stretched out others like they were cotton candy.
“Don’t throw this away,” Cadance whispered to her stupefied aunt who stood with her mouth agape. “I assure you, you will not find a love this perfect for another eon or two. Please, please do what is right for yourself.”
“I submit,” Celestia replied, “I raise the white flag of surrender.”
Standing side by side, Celestia and Cadance watched the sun settle down on the distant horizon together. Celestia had a lovestruck gleam in her eye and a brilliant, beaming smile graced her muzzle. Cadance, standing beside her aunt, had a triumphant smile of victory.
Once again, she had brought two ponies together and true love had been found.