This was it – this was the end of the line. They were all going to die. They hurtled through the dark storm clouds, their tiny chariot tossed by the wind. Spike huddled in a corner, claws wrapped around his tail as he coiled it forwards so that he could suck on it. Moondancer clutched the opposite railing tightly, eyes closed to protect them from the whipping rat’s nest that her mane had become after her hair ties had been taken by the wind. Bon Bon stood stoically in the center, but the look on her face was that of a pony resigned to her own imminent demise.
“Don’t worry!” Derpy shouted, barely audible over the storm. “I make this run all the time! Usually not in weather this bad but I hardly ever drop the packages!”
“Maybe we should land?” Spike suggested.
“What?” Derpy shouted back. “I couldn’t –“
There was a brilliant flash of light, accompanied by a terrifying roar, and Moondancer screamed as the chariot floor dropped out from under them. Spike’s mouth was only open to answer Derpy’s question, he certainly wasn’t screaming like a little filly himself. He did give a manly grunt as the brief freefall was cut off by the chariot slamming back into his feet and belly.
“I’m okay!” Derpy said, shaking off a bit of soot from carbonized hair and feathers. Her voice sounded a bit wobbly, and the chariot started to gradually list to the left. “No no mister chariot, this way!” They levelled off.
They were all going to die, and it was all Lyra’s fault.
“This is all your fault, Spike!” Moondancer shouted. “I told you we should take the train, but you said you knew a professional!”
“She is!” Spike said.
“She delivers packages,” Bon Bon said. “She isn’t licensed to haul passengers.”
“It’s okay!” Derpy shouted, just before wildly flapping her wings to yank the chariot up before it wiped out against a sudden outcropping of angry black water vapor. “You’re not paying me, so it’s all legal!”
“Is it legal to fly in this storm?” Moondancer shouted, squinting her eyes open briefly before squeezing them shut again as they were whipped by her bangs.
“I think so!” Derpy said, turning her head to look back at her passengers. “There’s no storm scheduled so nopony put out a travel warning. We’re in the clear!”
The dark clouds rushed up and engulfed them, and everything was dark, except for the lightning crackling on every side. It was also wet, soaking them to the bone in seconds.
“Hold on,” Derpy said, “I’ll try to get below the cloud cover.”
“No!” cried all of her passengers in unison, and then the screaming started as the bottom dropped out from under them again. Spike flailed around as he found himself floating up out of the chariot, but Bon Bon snagged him with a foreleg and pulled him to her chest. He clutched tightly to her warm fuzzy body and really, really hoped that she was holding on to the chariot with some of her other limbs. Or teeth. Teeth would work.
Then it all stopped. The falling, the wind – not the rain, unfortunately, but it wasn’t being driven with as much force. Gravity had returned, so Spike let go of Bon Bon and gingerly put his feet back on the floor, slick from the driving rain. He peered over the edge of the chariot. “What happened?”
“We’re here!” Derpy said, unhitching herself from the chariot and prancing happily through the rain to unlatch the tailgate.
“An impressively smooth landing,” Bon Bon said. “I couldn’t even see the ground.”
Derpy giggled. “I’ve got a lot of practice landing blind,” she said. “I’m really nearsighted and have no depth perception.”
Moondancer stared after her as she headed for the nearby house. “You – you –“ She turned to Spike. “This is all your fault.”
“That we landed safely?” Spike asked, with a nervous grin.
“That I nearly wet myself,” Moondancer snapped. “Or maybe I did. It’s raining too hard to be certain.”
Bon Bon sniffed the air, but didn’t elaborate on what she may or may not have smelled. “Come on – we’re early, so we should have time to clean up before the game starts.”
===
“You don’t have a key to your own house.” Moondancer said, as they circled around to the back.
“I hid one somewhere,” Bon Bon explained, “but we haven’t actually used the lock in years. It’ll be faster just to go in through the basement. It’s where we were planning to play anyway.”
“So much for washing up,” Moondancer grumbled.
Bon Bon frowned. “Spike can go upstairs and get us some towels.”
“Why me?” Spike asked.
“Because you don’t have a sopping dripping coat and mane to leave a watery trail all over our carpets.”
“Guys, it’s open!” Derpy said, from farther ahead.
They all hurried forwards and crowded into the dark – but dry – depths of the basement. Moondancer lit her horn, and Bon Bon made her way through the clutter to the light switch, with a sigh. “Lyra was supposed to clean this place up. I hope we’re still able to…”
She trailed off as the lights came on, and everypony looked around in confusion.
“This is your basement?” Spike said, taking in the barrels and crates, the strange decorations, and the medieval portcullis set into the wall, beyond which a stone-walled staircase descended further into the earth. He walked over to an alcove and picked up a decorative skull.
“No, it isn’t,” Bon Bon said. “We should go.”
“Too late,” Moondancer said, tapping the solid wall that had appeared behind her. “The door’s gone.”
“Wow,” Derpy said grinning widely. “Lyra really went all out!”
Bon Bon turned towards her, and narrowed her eyes. “Explain.”
“She must have set all this up for the adventure!”
“I was down here this morning, telling her what to clean up,” Bon Bon said. “There is no way she did all this in less than twelve hours.”
Spike looked at the skull. It wasn’t made of plaster, and the teeth were all shiny. He gave it a lick, and frowned. “This is a real skull,” he said. “Do any of you know anypony in town who sells pony skulls?”
Derpy tilted her head, and her eyes wandered in different directions. “I bet Pinkie Pie could find some.”
“Maybe it’s an illusion?” Moondancer suggested.
“Or something like those enchanted comics,” Spike guessed. “Where you’re pulled into an alternate world?”
Moondancer nodded. “That’s a kind of illusion.”
Bon Bon looked between them, then relaxed. “So Lyra really could have set this up.”
“I guess,” Spike said. “Although the last time I got sucked into one of these we were all in character, not just playing ourselves. I mean, this looks like the start of a standard dungeon crawl, and none of us are adventurers.”
“You could be the fighter!” Derpy suggested, bounding over to him and rubbing his headspikes with a hoof “Since you’re a big strong dragon!”
Bon Bon chuckled mirthlessly. “I suppose I could play the rogue. Moondancer’s obviously the wizard.”
“I guess I know a few combat spells,” Moondancer said. “I just hope this dungeon was built for low-level characters. I’m not going to be slinging around fireballs like Spike’s sorcerer.”
“And I’ll be the pirate!” Derpy said.
“You need to be a priest,” Spike said. “We need a balanced party.”
“Is ‘pirate’ even a character class?” Bon Bon asked.
“It’s a fighter/thief gestalt,” Moondancer replied, picking up a long gnarled stick she’d found, and giving it a few experimental swings. “Specialized in naval combat. Just be a priest, Derpy.”
“But look!” the pegasus said, nosing into her saddlebag, and taking out an accessory. She fiddled with it and strapped it to her head. “I’ve got an eyepatch and everything!”
“Why do you have an eyepatch?” Moondancer asked.
“In case of eyepatch emergencies,” Derpy said. “I can’t really see without it. My eyes get all googly and everything goes blurry.”
Bon Bon put a hoof to her forehead. “Then why have I never seen you wearing one?”
“’Cause I didn’t want everypony to know I’m secretly a pirate. Duh.” Derpy stuck out her tongue. “Besides, I don’t know any healing spells so I’d be a really bad priest.”
“It’s a game,” Moondancer said. “If you’re a priest you can just pray to Celestia and we’ll get magically healed.”
Derpy frowned. “But I don’t believe in Celestia.”
“How can you not – Celestia is real!” Moondancer said, advancing on Derpy and waving her staff in her direction. “Everypony knows she exists. She came to Ponyville several times. I’m pretty sure you’ve talked to her!”
“Well, yeah,” Derpy said. “How can you believe in somepony that you’ve met? I might as well pray to Rainbow Dash.”
“So what do you believe in?” Spike asked.
Derpy screwed up her face, scrunching her nose and sitting down for a bit. “Hmm…”
“I could live with a priest of Rainbow Dash,” Bon Bon said. “As long as nopony ever tells her.”
“Muffins!” Derpy said.
“You believe in muffins?” Spike asked.
“No! We can heal using muffins! Food heals you in games like this, right?”
“Where would we get the muffins?” Bon Bon asked.
“You can bake them!” Derpy said. “You’re a great cook!”
“I’m not a –“ Bon Bon sighed. “Fine. But I’m not taking it as my character class.”
“So we have our party, I guess,” Spike said. “Fighter, wizard, pirate, cook.”
“Rogue,” Bon Bon said.
“We should search the room,” Moondancer said. “I found this staff sitting in one of the barrels, I bet there’s starter weapons for all of us.”
So they searched around. Spike found a rusty sword and a wooden shield, and Derpy got her hooves on a mouth-held cutlass. Bon Bon…
“Are you sure you’re not a cook?” Derpy asked, looking at the serrated kitchen knife Bon Bon was strapping to her side.
Bon Bon scowled. “Rogues always have to use improvised knives at low levels.”