//------------------------------//
// Chapter 8 
// Story: Equestria's Hammiest Villain 
// by Dirty Bit 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 8
The Small Ham


Much to Chuckles' chagrin, he was unable to coax Spike out of his monotonous droning whenever he responded to his new master. However, that did not stop him from working his way around that minor flaw and figure out the next time needed to ensure his plan's success. Now realizing that he didn't have much to do now, he turned to Spike.

"Alright, my new servant. Since we clearly don't have much to do around this shiny castle, it's only proper to get another look at my future slaves outside!" Chuckles said evilly before donning a pensive expression "Maybe see if I can try on some outfits for my conquest at that boutique that Rarity was talking about."

"Yes, my master." Spike responded in his usual mindless fashion.

"You know, as gratifying as it sounds coming out of you, you don't have to say that all the time." Chuckles rolled his eyes "Just lead me outta this place so I can do something for once."

Wordlessly, Spike complied with Chuckles' command and easily lead him out of Twilight's castle and back into Ponyville, where there were less ponies seen outside than before. Not that it mattered to the dark lord. He counted himself lucky that Spike walked normally despite being a mind-controlled slave.

"Alright, servant, take me to the boutique. I haven't really paid much attention to the tour that Pinkie gave me, so I kinda need you to be my guide on this one." Chuckles said with a pointed hoof at Spike, who began walking towards a certain direction, prompting his new master to follow.

"Geez, I know I was being deceitful about liking it earlier, but this place really is colorful when you actually look around." Chuckles said as he spotted the many lucid buildings and the lessened amount of ponies "Seriously, Udrogoth can learn a thing or two about this place." He said to himself, making sure nopony had heard him. Chuckles then bumped into Spike while he was lost in his view of Ponyville, and turned to glare at the dragon.

"A little warning would've been nice, slave!" He barked irritably.

"You told me to speak when spoken to, master." Spike replied.

"Don't you get smart with me!" Chuckles shot back, pointing a hoof at the dragon "So why'd you stop?" He followed Spike's pointed claw up at the boutique in front of them "Oh. It was that easy?" Chuckles said to himself before opening the door to the boutique, where he spotted many pony-shaped mannequins; some were bare while others held dresses. He wondered to himself why there weren't much male outfits in sight.

"Hello~?" Chuckles called out before shifting his eyes and moving further inside the store "Anybody home?" He turned to Spike with a frown "Rarity lives here, right? Is she too busy or something?"

"She would have known that we entered, master." Spike said with his forebodingly blank face "Also, it's 'anypony'."

"Does it even matter how I say-You know what? Forget it!" Chuckles said as he looked around "She's obviously not home and we wasted a trip here." He then turned to waddle out the door "Come, my slave. We shall go elsewhere for the time being." Spike wordlessly followed Chuckles back outside.

The dark lord only just now noticed how the streets of Ponyville became barren. There was even a tumbleweed that just so happened to roll by.

"Where is everypony?" Chuckles asked no one in particular before frantically shaking his head "I mean everybody! Sheesh, I don't get how that sticks..." He murmured in a perplexed tone. He then spotted a distant trace of pink that zipped around the corner of a building on the right. Chuckles hummed to himself with a calculating glance before snapping his hooves (somehow) "Spike, move forward, assess anything strange and pink, and come back to me." The purple dragon proceeded to run towards the area after hearing Chuckles' command and turned around the corner as well.

There was a pause before the dark lord heard Spike return to him. Chuckles raised an eyebrow expectantly at his slave upon his approach.

"Well, what'd ya see?" Chuckles asked inquisitively.

"Sugarcube Corner." Spike responded instantly.

"...Sugarcube Corner?" Chuckles parrotted flatly.

"Sugarcube Corner."

"The same place where I got a good number of those tasty cupcakes. That Sugarcube Corner?" Chuckles asked in the same tone.

"Correct, master."

"So, you want me to believe that a giant building - which may or may not actually be made of candy - to be capable of movement and show us something pink before moving away?"

"No."

"Okay, you're my first slave ever in this world, and I'm starting to grow bored with you. Let's just go to Sugarcube Corner now." Chuckles said as he rubbed his temples and waddled towards his desired destination with Spike in tow.

As they neared the distinguishable pastry shop of Ponyville that was Sugarcube Corner, Chuckles thought he heard voices, then looked around to see that the streets of town were still as barren as his refrigerator back home. He decidedly approached the front door of the shop and opened it up to see that it was dark inside. Chuckles blinked at this.

"Who leaves the lights off on a day like this? And more importantly, how does it get this dark so easily with the blinds down?" He said as he found a nearby light switch and flipped it up.

"Surprise!!"

The lights turned on to reveal many ponies standing with smiles aplenty, with Pinkie Pie standing in front of them. Of course, their chorused word choice had caught Chuckles completely off-guard as he jumped back with a yelp and landed on his back yet again. Meanwhile, Spike stood completely still in his mindless state, and nopony had even bothered to notice.

"Okay, these surprises are murder on the back..." Chuckles muttered as he picked himself up with a bitter look on his face. Pinkie Pie approached him with a wide grin.

"Do you like it, Chuckles? My friends and I made sure to put this party up just for you!" Pinkie stated cheerfully as she pulled a party blower out of nowhere and blew into it. The dark lord was torn between being shocked that Pinkie actually stuck to her word and threw her a party, or that she actually referred him by his name and not the crummy nickname from before.

A part of him wondered if it was even worth subjugating these ponies into slavery until he looked up at the massive disco ball up above. Then he realized that it really was worth it, since he knew the integral role said disco ball shall play in the future.

"Perfect..." He whispered to himself.

"Thanks!" Pinkie chirped, oblivious to the dark lord's malicious glee "Enjoy your party!" She said before pronking off to go chat with her friends.


End of Chapter 8