I woke up to the sound of knocking.
"Come in" I called out in a 'you just woke me up' voice. A maid walked in, wearing a French maid outfit (these ponies can't make their minds up, I've never seen a pony wear an outfit to work until now)
"Sorry to bother you sir, but Princess Celestia wanted me to make sure you're up and Priness Cadence would like to see you ASAP" she explained. Oh dear god, the second stalker in my life wants to see me, and worse she's a pony and the worst part is she's married!
"Tell Princess Celestia I'm up and Princess Cadence I'll be there in 10" Shouldn't take me that long to get ready. The maid left and I rolled out of bed, and got ready. I walked out in my pajamas and a pair of slippers and towards Princess Cadence's room down the hall. I knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Cadence asked
"The man you requested," I replied "for some reason" I muttered under my breath, the door opened magically, I quickly did the cross gesture and walked in. Princess Cadence was still in bed, with the blankets wrapped around her.
"You needed my help or something Princess?" I asked her, confused on why I'm needed.
"Yes, I need you to carry me to the dining hall, also just call be Cadence." She ordered, I faceplamed and groaned
"You have wings, can't you fly? Or teleport there." I pointed out, she brushed off the suggestion with a wave of the hoof
"I'm used to those ways, I want to try a more... Exotic way." She said, I was confused, tired and for some reason afraid for my balls (not in that order).
"Riiiiiiight... I'll see you in the dining hall then." I said, and turned around to leave. The door suddenly locked itself, I turned around and walked to the balcony doors, only for them to be magically pried shut as well.
"Your Princess orders you to carry her to the dining room." She said in a stern voice, I laughed in response.
"JOKES ON YOU PRINCESS MY COUNTRY HAS NO ROYALTY! NOT TO MENTION, THIS ISNT YOUR COUNTRY!" I yelled and ran for the main door, my outburst caught her off guard as she fell out of bed as was engulfed in her blankets, the doors unlocked. I flung the door opened and ran. I felt something grab my foot, I looked down and saw a pinkish aura grabbing it. I looked up in fear, Pinkie Dash and Applejack were looking at me in confusion.
"Help meEEEE" I said as my foot as suddenly flung back and dragged the rest of me with it, I struggled to get a grip on the carpet, and finally the door frame, my eyes felt like they were the size of Texas. I heard Applejack say, just as I lost my grip
"It's too early for this I'll see y'all in the dinin room"
I limped along, my right knee no doubt forming a bruise on it after the incident. I was dragged into Princess Cadence's room, where she latched onto my back like a bullrider. I was now carrying the lightly snoring princess to the dining room, with her mumbling directions. I was missing my right slipper, somewhere during the struggle for my life. She had her forehooves around my neck, and I had my hands behind her kneecaps (what did you except me to grab her ass?). I felt several, small hard things on my shoulder, I glanced over and saw she was nibbling on it, I sighed. We finally arrived at the dinging room,
"Hey Cadence, mind opening the doors for me." The door magically swung open and I walked in the nine ponies looked at me, then at the snoozing pink princess, nibbling on my shoulder, then back to me. I looked Princess Celestia in the eye and said
"Now I am become Death; destroyer of worlds." I kept walking and dropped Cadence off next to her husband, who nuzzled her. I noticed a buffet of food, no meat, but lots of cake, I loaded up on pancakes and hash browns and walked over to an empty chair between Dash and Princess Luna
"What have I missed so far? Also, why is there cake for breakfast?" I asked nonchalantly, ignoring the stares of everyone else.
"Because Tia loves cake, and despite my warning that it will expand her Royal Plot, she continues to eat it" Luna explained.
Princess Luna: Part time princess, full time savage I mentally noted, and gave her a discrete fist/hoofbump. Celestia just sighed and continued to eat her breakfast cake slice and retorted
"Coming from the Princess who always has a stash of cookies in her room."
Princess Celestia: Also part time princess, full time savage I added another note to my files.
"Oh and the ambassadors will be here in half in hour." I was not informed of when they would arrive, I sighed, rolled a pancake up like a joint and walked out.
"I'm off to shower and get ready, I'll see you all in twenty." I called out as I left.
"Well... This has been an interesting morning" Shining Armor pointed out, as he continued to eat his waffles.
I somehow remembered my way to my room, and walked into the bathroom. The shower head was wayyy taller than I expected, almost eight feet up, which seemed overkill when the average pony is three and a half feet tall. Maybe different rooms for all the leaders and stuff and they give me one for the biped species of the planet. I put on my suit and realized I had I no clue where the meeting is.
"Well... Shit" I said as I looked down the hallway, I was about to eent, meeny, miny, moe it, when Death Cadence came around the corner.
"I'm here to get you, and don't worry, I'll walk." She said, I let out a sign of relief and we walked through the maze of halls. We arrived at the top of a set of stairs in the front of the castle, Celestia, Luna and Shining Armor were already there at the bottom.Cadence was between her husband and Luna, who was next to Celestia, and I was on Celestia's other side. A few seconds later Celestia asked me,
"Chris, that quote you said when you entered the dining hall, where is that from?"
"It comes from an ancient text, I don't remember which. But is was made famous by a scientist after seeing the results of a project that he worked on." I explained
"What was the project did he work on?" Luna asked, I mentally sighed. None of us told any of the ponies about our history yet. The most any of them knew was the terror attack yesterday.
"The atomic bomb." I answered
"What's that?" Shining asked, I figured he would ask that one, being a former captain, that or he was next up to ask a question.
"A bomb that uses certain atoms, mainly uranium and plutonium to create massive explosions. They've only been used twice and for good reason. The cities they were dropped on were completely destroyed." I mentally thought of the pictures of the mushroom clouds and after photos of the cities. Before any had a chance to speak I continued, "Human history is filled with wars and violence, but also caring and compassion. I think the best word to summarize it all is-"
"Chaotic?" A voice said
"No quite, something more like, confusing. But that could work," I realized we were the ones standing out there, "Who said that? We're the only ones here." They all realized that and fired up their horns, the voice just laughed and said,
"I'm reformed, remember?"
"Can someone explain who that is?" I was getting pretty ticked off about this whole floating voice who knows human history, all of a sudden a tall creature was standing in front of us, he had a snake like body, a deer antler, a lizard foot and a wide variety of other body parts.
"Discord" Celestia said venomously, I don't know much about political, but even if you hate another leader, you at least pretend to be happy to see them.
"I told you princess, I'm reformed." He turned to me and introduced himself, "Discord, God of chaos, I have to admit from what I've seen, you humans have an interesting history."
"How do you know about our history?" I asked him
"I went into your mind, of course!" He explained I was pissed, if he went into my mind what did he know about ME? Does he know my secrets, or my fears?
"Don't worry, I only looked at your history" Discord said
"You're still in my mind?" I asked him
"Of course" he answered
"Could you please leave?" I asked
"Hmmmmm," Discord began to rub his beard, I knew the answer would be no "No"
"Fine, want to see from photos and footage of the war?" I asked him, everyone seemed surprised by me asking him that question.
Discord laughed and said "Of course, all of that chaos."
"Alright. I'll warn you, it's pretty gory." I informed him
"I've lived through millennium, there's little I haven't seen" he said sounding ticked off
"Fine, don't say I didn't warn you then." And I began the show I started with the opening scene to Saving Private Ryan (AN: I was thinking about adding it in, but decided not to due to the extremely high gore count, watch at own risk). He seemed a little pale.
"That was Omaha Beach" I told him. I moved onto the Holocaust and the starved bodies and mass graves, I showed him a picture of fingernail marks made in the showers from Jews trying to escape the gas. I was about to switch over to the Eastern front, but he turned all green, summoned a trash can, puked and left. Everyone looked at me in confusion at what just happened.
"Chris... What did you show him?" Celestia asked
"I showed him footage of the largest amphibious invasion in history and photos from a genocide" I plainly answered, they all gasped at the second one.
"Discord turned tail and fled. (pony puns, anyone?) Why aren't you affected by it all?" Shining asked
"I've seen it before, if he does it again, I have a lot more things to show him." I answered angrily, just then, trumpets began to play, the gates opened and a carriage entered, it came to a stop, and out came a zebra. They had on a gold hoops along their whole neck, reminding of both the tribes on Esrth that do that and Mr. T. He walked up to Princess Celestia and they both bowed at each other,
"Princess Celestia" he said, with a heavy African accent
"Chieftain Motomba," (pronounce mo-tomb-ba) "it is good to see you again" she replied
"This is Ambassador Murray from Earth" she continued, he bowed. I returned it with a Japanese bow.
"It is a pleasure to meet you Chieftain." I said
"And you too" he replied continued down the line, greeting everyone one, just then another carriage arrived, this one came to stop just behind the other one. A Minotaur came out from here, from here I could tell he was in the military, medals where on his uniform. His dress uniform reminded of the ones back home, except his is maroon instead of blue. He was tall too, probably eight feet tall, he climbed him, greeted Princess Celestia, then turned to me.
"I'm Colonel Strong Hoof" he said in an unusually high pitched voice, I think Patton had a similar voice.
"Ambassador Murray, nice to meet you Colonel" as we shook hands, he bent down and whispered
"You have no clue how little I do this here"
"I can only imagine." I replied continued down the line and stood next to Chieftain Motomba, the two were glaring at each other, despite Strong Hoof having several feet and at least a ton weight advantage on him. Celestia, quietly groaned and whispered to me
"I really don't feel like dealing with those two."
"Then give your self a nice raise, a million an hour, wait no, a minute." I shot back to her, she quietly chuckled, we watched as an airship landed on a nearby cobblestone circle. Must be there version of a helipad. Out came several griffons guards down the gangplank and out walked a griffon in a dress uniform as well. His front half was still in a white shirt, with medals on it. It reminded me of the Navy's dress uniform and his back off was still 'naked'. He walked up the stair and greeted Celestia and moved to me
"Admiral Syllus ( pronounce sigh less), Royal Griffon Air Force." He said
"Ambassador Murray." I simply said, and with everyone here we all turned around and walked into the castle.