//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: The Sun Also Surprises // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Celestia thought about getting sick just to get it over with. She had dealt with wars, angry yaks, stubborn bureaucrats, an escaped draconequus, the random thousand year old evil rearing its ugly head, and even parent-teacher nights in the school, but not much in the past seven hundred and fifty years or so had left her this nervous or flustered. She felt her stomach lurch and for a brief moment, she thought about calling the whole thing off. A part of her understood that Cadance would not let her call it off. Not without dire consequences. And truth be told, Celestia did not want to call it off. The loneliness had become downright painful. She wanted it to end, but for it to end, she had to endure some discomfort. Celestia sighed and accepted the fact that she had to take her medicine like a big filly. She felt hot and itchy all over. She was sweaty and as she thought about being sweaty, she began to worry about if her wingpits might stink. She had big, heavy wings and underwing odour was a real concern. The problem was, as Celestia saw it, one could never quite smell oneself as another pony might. Celestia had nightmares of spreading her wings and a whole crowd of little ponies just tipping right over, stiff legged, stuck on their backs with their tongues hanging out, eyes bulging, little legs twitching as they succumbed to the malodorous funk. It was a constant, nagging fear that always lurked in the back of her mind. Luna of course, had no such fears, she was still stuck in the past, way back in ye olden days when bathing was optional and even seen by some as being hazardous to one's own health. Ye olden days when ponies still used urine to clean their teeth. Ye olden days had not ended soon enough. Luna, loud, brash Luna, could spread her wings and give the guard a real test of their endurance. Luna’s downdrafts could only be described as flower wilting at best and an act of war at worst. With a single pomf of her wings, Luna could stun a yak and Prince Rutherford had returned home with quite a story to tell, a sordid tale indeed. Eight thirty. It was time to go. Celestia felt her stomach clench yet again, it contorted into painful, bunched up knots and she gritted her teeth as she waited for the painful spasms to pass. It was like she was in her hundreds once more, those painful awkward years that had lingered for far too long. Mouth dry, Celestia opened the doors to her chambers and stepped outside into the hall, ready to go. “Auntie… er, Majesty.” Shining Armor bowed his head as Celestia stepped out of the carriage. “Shining, I am surprised to see you here,” Celestia said to her nephew. “How is it that you have managed to escape? Where is little Flurry?” “Oh, I tricked Twily into looking after Flurry all by herself.” Shining Armor grinned as he looked up at Celestia. “Mom is there to help and Spike is there should things take a turn for the worse.” “Spike is good with foals, isn’t he?” Celestia lowered her head down and gave Shining Armor an affectionate nuzzle. “It helps that Flurry adores him of course. Spike’s natural armor keeps him safe from Flurry’s little… surges.” Clearing his throat, Shining Armor pulled his head away from Celestia. “You must forgive me, but I have instructions from Cadance. I am to blindfold you and prepare you for non detection. We don’t want the rustle of your wings giving you away. When I’m done, you will only be a voice and nothing else, but it will not be your own voice. We must protect the process.” Celestia nodded. “I understand and I willingly submit.” “Your date has a bad case of the jitters. Cadance is busy trying to calm him. He was very nearly sick just before you arrived, so please, be patient with him. He’s not feeling well.” Shining Armor pulled out a broad black velvet blindfold as he spoke and held it aloft in his magic. Shining Armor’s words gave Celestia pause. She still felt sick, she was still nauseous with worry and could feel her stomach lurching. For some reason, she took comfort in knowing that her blind date was just as nervous as she was. Somehow, it made everything better. It put them on even hoofing. It might give them something to talk about. Perhaps something to bond over. Celestia’s hoof made a nervous stomp against the cobblestones as Shining Armor slipped the blindfold over her eyes and cinched it tight against her face. It was snug, thick, the velvet was both smooth and fuzzy against her pristine silken pelt. The world went dark and Celestia could sense magic. There would be no cheating it seemed, no peeking through the blindfold using illicit means. Celestia sensed Twilight’s magic and knew that Twilight had to be helping Cadance. Celestia found it comforting that the two mares worked so well together. It boded well for Equestria’s future. The rustle of her own feathers ceased; she could hear nothing even if she flapped her wings against her sides. She heard Shining Armor chuckle and she realised that when she had given a test flap, she had inadvertently tickled him. She folded her wings against her sides and did her best to behave, but she was tempted to keep tickling him just as she had done when he was a tiny, adorable little foal. She had loved him then, and she loved him now. He completed Cadance, he was her soul mate. Celestia tried not to think about how distressingly mortal Shining Armor was. Shining Armor had always made the most adorable little snortles when he was being tickled. The memory made for a pleasant distraction and kept Celestia from darker thoughts, improving her mood. She felt a gentle tug and knew that she was being led along. She followed, worried about stumbling, but then came to the conclusion that Shining would never let her stumble and fall. Knowing this, she strode forwards with newfound confidence, following Shining’s lead. Princess Celestia’s ears strained for the sounds of breathing in the room and realised that even that had been silenced. A clever pony could tell tribes apart by the sound of breathing; Celestia couldn’t quite do it, but Luna could and so could her Wardens. Something soft touched her hind legs and she felt herself being eased down to the floor. A large soft cushion almost swallowed her backside and she felt a low table in front of her. Ears still straining, Celestia waited, hoping for some instruction. She suspected that Shining Armor was still near, but he had been muffled. She knew Cadance had to be in the room somewhere. Celestia sniffed and smelled something sweet. The scent of roses filled the air, along with chocolate and other tasty treats. “Hello?” Celestia almost swallowed her own tongue and she felt her mouth go dry. She coughed, but no sound came out. She knew that her date was expecting a reply, but Celestia had trouble with the simple task of uttering a single word of greeting. After a few tries, she squeaked out a “Hi.” “I almost didn’t make it… but I’m glad I did.” There was simple honesty in the spoken words and Celestia reminded herself that the voice she heard wasn’t the real voice of her date. After a moment of thoughtful consideration, she decided to be honest as well. “I almost didn’t make it either. I felt quite ill. I am so nervous.” Waiting, ears straining, Celestia sat on the soft, voluminous cushion and wondered what would be said next. Each muscle in her body was far too tense. Her wings fidgeted against her sides and her frogs were both itchy and sweaty. “That kind of makes me feel better.” There was a pause. “So, um, what do you do for a living?” “I deal in futures,” Celestia replied without hesitation, her mind coming up with an instant clever reply. “I deal in futures and securities. Also, energy management.” Celestia prided herself on her witty reply. Every word spoken had a grain of honesty. “I’m in the guard.” “Oh really…” Celestia was intrigued. She treasured her guards. “What made you join the guard?” “Oh… that.” There was another long pause. “Well, you see… uh, well, this is difficult to talk about. I was in secondary school and something happened… something awful.” Celestia’s muscles tensed. She already knew what had happened. “Something happened and it caused me no end of trouble. It was so bad that I had to leave school, I had to leave home, I had to leave the town where I was born and raised. I came to Canterlot and joined the guard because I couldn’t figure out what else to do or what I wanted to do with myself and my future.” “Did you ever figure what you want to do?” Celestia asked. “When I qualify for the scholarship that guards can get, I want to go back to school. University. I don’t know what I’ll do there, but I have time to figure it out.” Questions. Celestia had questions. He had fled home and joined the guard. How old was he? He had to be young, but how young? What had Cadance done? There was young and then there was too young. She tried to remember the minimum age to join the guard but drew a blank. She couldn’t remember. She bit down on her own lip and began to chew and worried the tip of her tongue against the tickly-prickly hairs on the edge of her lip. “I think I’d like to study history, but I don’t know how to turn that into a job.” “Oh, there is always a need for historians,” Celestia said, the words just spilling out of her mouth with an ease that surprised her. “If you know the right ponies, it is easy to get a job as an archivist or a historian. You might be surprised to learn this, but the palace is always short staffed when it comes to these prized individuals.” “Really?” “Really.” A tiny, fragile spark of hope ignited in Celestia’s breast. She had stories to tell. She was history. She was the living vessel of history that held a thousand years of stories to tell about Equestria. Would she have a willing ear? Somepony to talk to? Somepony that shared her love of history? It was almost too much to hope for and Celestia felt her throat tighten. “So, besides history, what else do you like? Tell me more about yourself.” Celestia found herself curious; she wanted to know more. She was already curious about her date, Cadance had told her just enough to make her care, and Celestia wanted to learn all that she could. “I like music, art, and theatre. I like show tunes…” There was a pause and Celestia sensed something was wrong. She could feel the tension in the air. Her ears quivered as she waited for more words. She felt a sense of worry that was almost maternal kicking in. She wanted to toss the table aside and find out what was wrong with her little pony. Her little guard pony. “It’s funny… it’s because I like history, music, art, theatre, and show tunes that I had to leave home. Because I’m different. Because I like cultural stuff and because of how I was, somepony said something about me… something awful, and everypony else believed it was true because of stereotypes.” “Somepony said you were gay, didn’t they?” Celestia asked in a voice that sounded like a stranger’s voice. “How did you know?” “Just a hunch,” Celestia replied in what she hoped sounded like a gentle voice. The voice coming out of her mouth was so strange that she hadn’t yet determined how the different tones of her voice sounded. “It’s hard to be different… it’s even harder when the entire secondary school is laughing at you, teasing you, and bullying you… the entire hoofball team had it in for me. Almost every day a fight broke out. I couldn’t learn anything. I couldn’t pay attention in my classes. I was so tense all the time and paranoid about somepony jumping me. When I realised that the problem wasn’t going to sort itself out or get better on its own, I left.” “I’m very sorry that all of that happened to you.” Celestia shook her head and felt a heaviness in her heart. For some reason, the conversation felt much heavier than Celestia thought it should feel. She took a moment to think about why and after some thoughtful consideration, she understood that there were no distractions, nothing to see, nothing to stare at, nothing to steal or rob her focus away. She was listening because there was nothing else to do. She lowered her head and began to try and feel her way around. She felt a straw brush up against her lips and she pushed her head forwards. The straw went up her nose. Well, that was ghastly and Celestia was thankful that her date hadn’t seen that. No doubt that Cadance had just watched it happen though. No doubt, Cadance would have a good laugh about it later. “Leaving was a good thing,” Celestia’s date said in a voice that gained a little volume. “I found myself in the guard. At home, I was a nobody. I was the queer colt that everypony laughed at and made fun of. In the guard, I’m the competent pony in the signal corps and one of the few privates that the sergeant tolerates. He says I’m too smart to be in the guard but he’s damn glad to have me. I don’t think I’m that smart, I just keep my mouth shut, only speak when I’m spoken to, and I’ve learned to stand very, very still.” A smile spread over Celestia’s muzzle, an unseen smile. “So what about you?” Oooh, where to start? Celestia had no idea how to even begin. How could she talk about herself? How could she say anything about herself? She had to be careful about what she said, about what she revealed. “I’m really no different than any other pony,” Celestia began, “I want the same things that everypony else wants. I have hopes and dreams. I too, have to deal with stereotypes, it is very difficult to be treated as an equal. Ponies make assumptions about me. Because of all of these stereotypes, I am very lonesome and I’ve withdrawn.” “I could treat you as an equal.” Celestia felt her eyebrow arching beneath the velvet blindfold. “I know what it is like… wanting to be accepted for who and what you are, but then ponies treat you badly or differently because of preconceived notions. It’s hard enough to fit in when you’re different, but then ponies have to make it even more difficult… they have to make it impossible. It’s hard to be accepted when you’re not quite like everypony else.” Celestia felt her heart fluttering like a caged bird inside of her barrel. “I would tell you to be true to yourself and not be afraid of who you are, but the simple truth of the matter is, I would be a hypocrite if I did so. I’ve retreated and hidden myself away. I’ve had to hide my true self from the world and live behind a disguise so I could have acceptance.” “Why can’t the world just accept us for who and what we are?” Shaking her head, letting out a silent, unheard sigh, Celestia found herself shrugging, but then remembered that her date couldn’t see that. She cleared her throat and said, “I don’t know.” She wanted to say more, but no wise words seemed forthcoming. She began nosing around the table, careful not to knock over her glass, and found a small saucer full of little round chocolate balls. She picked up one in her lips, pulled it into her mouth, and bit down. It was a chocolate covered cherry. Sweet syrup dribbled down her chin and she wondered if there was a napkin. She wondered what her date was doing. Try as she might, all she could hear was the sound of his voice, it wasn’t even his real voice. There was nothing to distract her except for the chocolate covered cherries she had found and whatever other treats that were on the table. “It’s so unfair when ponies just assume that you have to be a certain way because of whatever reason. It just makes me so angry. Mostly because I couldn’t do anything about it. I hated getting into fights. It makes me feel ashamed of myself. I’m better than that, but I had to defend myself.” Hearing her date’s words caused Celestia’s ears to stand up straight. “Sometimes, because of circumstances, violence cannot be avoided.” Celestia thought of her sister Luna and felt a pang of guilt and shame. “It’s so easy to talk to you… Cadance promised that it would be easy and that you were a good listener.” Flattered, Celestia lifted her head high. “It is a pleasure talking to you. This is very nice and I’m enjoying myself. It’s nice just being able to talk and not have to worry about somepony making assumptions about me. It’s nice just being able to connect to somepony else and have a good time.” She lowered her head once more and went searching for another chocolate covered cherry. “I’ve kept to myself and none of the other guards know about my hobbies or what I do. I just don’t talk about it. I don’t want them getting the wrong idea. I’m so scared about being myself around other ponies. I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to have to run away.” Behind the blindfold, Celestia felt her eyes watering a bit as she chewed on her confection. “So tell me, why do you have to hide yourself away? Is it because of how you are? Something you like? Is it something that ponies see when they look at you?” “When ponies see me, they tend to overreact,” Celestia blurted out and she was shocked by her own honesty. “Well… I promise I’ll be a gentlepony when I see you. No matter what is wrong with you, I won’t turn away. Did something happen to you? Do you have a disability? Are you maimed? If you are, you can tell me, I promise that I’ll be very understanding. I know how it feels to be hurt and I would never want to do that to you or anypony else.” With a heavy heart, Celestia had a realisation; she did have a physical deformity that set her apart. She had both wings and a horn. She didn’t know what to say and she wondered what Cadance must be thinking right now. “I have some very visible differences. It sets me apart. I will admit, I’ve done things to hide them so I can appear normal. I’ve lived a lie so I can have companionship. I have some friends that have never seen me as I truly am and every day the shame I feel grows a little heavier as I continue to deceive them. I am so afraid though that if they saw me for how I really am, they would treat me differently. I am so scared of losing them. I don’t want to be treated differently. I’m not a very good friend because I can’t work up enough courage to be honest with them.” “It’s hard when you just want to be accepted for how you are. I’m sorry that you’ve had to hide yourself. Whatever is wrong with you must be pretty bad if you have to hide it from other ponies, but I promise, you won’t have to hide it from me.” Hearing her date’s words, Celestia felt torn between crying and laughing. She wondered if he thought she was hideous or had grotesque deformations. A small hopeful part of her was curious if he would follow through with his promise if she was in fact, deformed or ugly beyond reason. She wanted to believe that he would. She wanted to believe in the goodness of her little ponies. “Cadance has been teaching me to love myself. It’s very difficult. She says that if I want somepony to love me, I have to love myself first. I have to be comfortable in my own skin. She has me seeing a few counselors. Just getting help is causing me problems. I hide it from my fellow guards ‘cause I’m scared that they’ll find out that I’m seeing a few shrinks and they’ll think I’m a headcase.” Do I need some counselling? Celestia asked herself. Maybe she did. Maybe she needed to talk to Cadance about getting some help. Celestia, as much as she hated to admit it, knew she had some issues with herself, her self image, and she wondered if she loved herself enough. She was always striving to care for the needs of others and seldom had time to even consider her own needs. Who took care of her? It was a good question and Celestia admitted to herself that she didn’t have an answer. “It’s funny, I inspire so much confidence in others, but as of this moment I am starting to realise that I lack confidence in myself,” Celestia admitted to her date. She felt her barrel go tight with tension, but her confession was cathartic. It was nice to be able to bare her soul. There was something about the anonymous nature of the date and being blind. “I think talking to you is boosting my confidence.” “Really?” Celestia gobbled up another chocolate covered cherry, the last one on the saucer and she waited for her date to continue. “Cadance told me that you were one of the most special ponies she knows. She said you were amazing… that you were wonderful, but you were also shy and that you had been hurt. And as I was sitting here thinking about all of this, I realised, Cadance must think I’m pretty special too if she trusts me enough to introduce me to a fragile pony that she says she loves a great deal. She treasures you. She said so.” Celestia almost choked on her cherry. She swallowed it, most of it still unchewed, and it was a hard, painful lump in her throat as it went down. “Cadance is trusting me not to you hurt you and I must be doing something right if she trusts me. I feel so much better about myself right now.” There was a brief pause. “Wow, heh, that’s like a total relief. Maybe I can relax now.” Celestia heard a faint nervous laugh. She gulped, still feeling a lump in her throat even though her candy had been swallowed. She could feel sweat running off of her frogs and down her neck. She began to worry about sweaty wingpits. Beneath her blindfold, she could feel the corner of one eye twitching. She was feeling far too warm, almost overwhelmed, but she was determined to hold it together. She wanted to know this pony. Something had happened. Hearing him have a moment of self realisation had ignited something deep inside of her. This was a pony she could teach and he would be receptive. She wanted to know more about him. He was sincere, gentle, sensitive, and she wanted to know him in the most desperate way imaginable. Taking a deep breath, Celestia summoned her courage and screwed it to the sticking place. “So, tell me more about your hobbies and what you like to do in your spare time…”