A/N Just a warning but some of the things in this chapter may be offensive, please be assured I do not hate anyone that is either Bi or Gay, anything I used in this chapter was for comedy only. You've been warned (No there's no clop just messed up jokes.)
After finishing up at the library Twilight makes her way to the local bar. As she gets close to the part of town where all the bars where she sees the neon signs, The Stumbling Stallion, Lone Pony Pub, and The Clumsy Clover. She had never been to this part of town nor to any bars so she had no idea where the group would be.
"Guess I'll just have to go to each of them until I find them." She says to herself as she makes her way to the first bar, The Clumsy Clover.
As she walks inside it becomes very apparent that the group wasn't here, she is stunned by what she see's, Braeburn and Caramel in the far corner making out like its noponies business. Carmel-apple with nuts anyone? After seeing this she quickly realizes what kind of bar it is and quickly leaves before she is scarred any worse. "Nope not in that one..." She says still terrified at what she had seen.
She approaches the next bar, The Stumbling Stallion, and begins to hear loud music and cheering coming from inside, "Yep this is the one." she says with a chuckle. As she enters the bar the music becomes loud. Flinching from the overly loud music she makes her way inside and sees Blitz and Comedic locked in an epic drink-off. Rhino and Red were sitting at the bar sippen on soda's Triple Chain was next to them passed out with his face buried in a sandwich of some kind. Drax and Atomic are off in a corner drinking what looks like Cider, then there was Gears and Dark, doing what they do best, tinkering with some kind of gadget while juggling their drinks.
"Stallions.." she says shaking her head as she spots her friends sitting at the end of the bar laughing amongst themselves at the stupidity of the two drunken brothers. She approaches them and takes a seat at the bar, and orders herself an club soda, "So how did this get started?" She asks pointing to Blitz and Comedic who were still slamming out shots like their lives depended on them.
"Well it all started when Blitz spilled Comedic's cider." Rainbow Dash explained "Then made some wise comment like 'you couldn't handle that much alcohol anyways' then next thing you know they are going at it." She laughed as she took and other drink of her Appletini.
"So why is no one stopping them?" Twilight asks, "They are going to drink themselves into a coma."
"Nah," Applejack pipes up, "Ah reckon they will just pass out 'fore that happens." She chuckles as she returns to her drink.
Over at the table were the brothers were drinking themselves into a stupor, Blitz decides a little trash talking was in order, "Looking a little tipshy there bro." He said with an obvious slur, "*hic* You aren't getting drunk on me now are ya." he laughs as he takes another shot.
"Ha not even close *hic*' Comedic says as he too takes another shot, "Gonna take a lot more then thish to get me drunk."
"Well I shay we take a time out *hic*, Blitz blurts out, "I need to use the john."
"Hhheeyy no puking that is an automatic lossh." Comedic says pounding his hoof on the table.
"Yea yea I know." Blitz says as he stumbles off to the restroom.
But of course Blitz being Blitz decided he would trip over nothing and slam into a stallion sitting at the bar. Covered in the cider he had been drinking the stallion turns to Blitz, who was trying not to laugh at the sight of the stallion drenched in cider.
Seeing this the stallion flips shit and lunges at Blitz who is caught completely off guard and is knocked into two more stallions sitting at a table, spilling their drinks all over them. Now facing three very pissed off and drunk stallions the rest of the crew decided it would be best to bail him out, after all Red had already saved his ass once and didn't want to have to heal his stupid ass again. As the stallions backed Blitz, who was still laughing his flank off, into a corner they heard a voice from behind them.
"Aight guys I think he gets the point," A voice is heard from behind them, they all turn to see Rhino standing there straight faced and calm as a breeze. "Why don't we go sit down so nopony gets hurt eh?" He motions towards the bar. This only enrages the stallions more and one takes a swing at Rhino and misses.
Rhino simply looks at the stallion and says, "Big mistake." And in a blink of the eye Rhino has the stallion pinned to the ground and crying for mercy. Seeing their friend in trouble the other two stallions turn their attention to Rhino. Rhino calmly lets the stallion go and brushes himself off before looking at the other two. Before he has time to speak they both charge him, he easily dodges and watches as they plow into another group of ponies.
"WHAT THE HAY!" one of them shouts as he turns and clobbers the stallion that ran into him. Pretty soon the entire bar was in one massive fight. Ponies breaking chairs over each other and smashing bottles across others heads.
In all of this Blitz somehow drug his brother into the fray and they were now attempting to taking on a large group of very angry ponies. They smile and laugh as they look to each other.
"You ready for this?" Blitz says laughing
"You bet your ass I am." Comedic says looking to the group of ponies surrounding them.
All the meanwhile Red had made his way to the stage and hand began to play to go along with the fight.
Back on the floor Blitz and Comedic got ready to charge in when Blitz took off without warning, careening towards the group who jumped out of the way as Blitz flew past them and face first into the bar knocking himself out cold.
"That idiot..." Comedic says as he facehoofs before being picked up and slammed down on a table. Groaning he stands back up ready to throw a beating on the dude that just slammed him. There standing in front of him is a stallion that would make Big Mac look like a filly. "Damn you're a big sum'bitch." He laughs as he throws a punch that merely bounces off the stallion. He just laughs as he grabs Comedic and chucks him across the bar.
"Daaamn," Comedic says as he stumbles to his feet, "I'ma beat your ass now cmer." He says walking back towards the stallion.
"You just don't know when to give up do you." The stallion laughs.
"You sir don't know who your talking to," Comedic says as he stumbles up the the stallion, "I'm as stubborn as a mule." He say as he turns to a mule sitting at the bar, "No offense."
"None taken." The mule replies
On the other side of the bar Gears and Dark only looked on and laughed as the bar was being destroyed. "You wanna get in on this?" Gear asks as he turns to Dark.
"Nah," Dark replies, "No need." He looks to Comedic who is about to charge a the large stallion again, "Sides its fun watching those two hurt themselves."
Comedic gets ready to throw another punch when the stallion picks him up and slams him through the closest table, which happens to be Drax's and Vortex's, and in doing so covered both of them in their drinks. Vortex reaches for his blade but is stopped by Drax. "I got this." Is all he says before standing. The whole bar seemed to stand still.
Outside the Princess had arrived in Ponyville and was looking for the group of ponies. She had over heard some ponies talking about some troublemakers at one of the local bar and figured it was who she was looking for, this she had no doubt of. "Leave it to those two." She says shaking her head. As she neared the bars she hears a loud ruckus coming from one of them. "Oh Blitz and Comedic what have you done."
As she nears the bar a pony flies through the front window and lands at her feet. She can only stand there in surprise. As she look sup she sees Drax, on the other side brushing his hooves as he made his way to an empty table. Nopony had noticed the princess yet and the fight tore on. She stepped over the pony at her feet and stepped inside.
As she steps inside the bar almost freezes as they see Princess Celestia herself standing before them. The ponies quickly compose themselves and bow before her.
"What is this about?" She asks looking around at what was left of the bar. "Who is responsible for this?"
Everpony in the bar points at Blitz who is still unconscious on the floor.
"Coulda guessed that." Is all the Princess could say.
Stumbling up to the Princess and still very much drunk Comedic greeted her before passing out.
"We need to get these two back to Twilight's library, so they can sober up and tell me what happened in the woods." The princess states, "Drax you don't mind dragging these two back would you?"
"Not at all your highness." He says has he lifts Blitz and Comedic onto his back and headed off towards the library.
Followed by the rest of the crew they all head off towards the library, "I think I'm gonna enjoy traveling with these two," Dark says with a laugh, "With them around it gives the Sergeant somepony else to yell at."
A/N - Again I apologize to anyone who may have been offended by anything in this chapter. I'm hoping this chapter is funny enough to make up for that fact that it is pretty bad. And I'm hoping only Red and Rhino are the only two that don't drink or I'm gonna have a lot of fixing to do. xD