//------------------------------// // 6000 views!!! // Story: Deadpool in Equestria // by MrAquino //------------------------------// Deadpool fell from the sky and fell into a convenient hole near Canterlot's castle. Ok, by falling into a hole, his upper body fell into the whole while his legs stuck out. He struggled to free himself, but nothing was working. "Fine! I guess I'm going to teleport myself out!" He said. Unfortunately, his belt fell off. "Oh F**k you!" But, a stallion approached to him. The stallion was red like Big Mac, had the same color mane & tail as said stallion, but he was average sized wore a black vest with a green tank top underneath, and he was a unicorn. Sounds familiar. It's Firebrand. "Uh... what's this?" He asked "First, I was going to watch the latest episode, now I'm in Equeatria as my OC, and... is that... Deadpool?" "Yo! Wassup!? That's me, Deadpool... stuck in this convenient hold with my ass in the air. Care to help me out?" "...Yeah, as awesome as it would be to help you, can't you teleport?" "Belt fell off. Can you pull me out? Just yank me out and-" "Yeah, see, I'm actually busy right now, so I gotta-" "Busy!? Too busy to help me out? Deadpool? Better give me a good explanation that isn't boring!" Unbeknownst to Deadpool, Firebrand began to do some hopping, but- "Wait? Is that... music? I'm the only one meant to sing!!!" "♫ I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy You've no idea what I have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy Much, much too busy for you.♫" "Huh... Veggietales, eh? Say, if you're not that busy to sing, care to tell me what you thought of those redesigns of the characters?" Before Firebrand could speak, another voice came, this one, a woman's. "Firebrand!? What are you doing here? And... is that Deadpool?" "Ink Rose?" Firebrand asked "What are you doing here? And yes, this is Deadpool." "Yo!" Deadpool spoke "Care to help me out?" "...Sorry, but I'm busy." She replied "How busy can you both be!? Can't you help a guy out evey once in a while?" The two ponies stared at the man for a while, but they both said with a smile. "♫We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy You've no idea what we have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy Much, much too busy for you.♫" The two began to do a ballroom dance together. "♫'Cause we're busy, busy, frightfully busy More than a bumblebee, more than an ant. Busy, busy, horribly busy We'd love to help, but we can't!♫" "See ya!" Firebrand added. Both walked away. Deadpool fell deeper into the hole. "Oh s**t." He fell into a dark area, and landed on a large pile of snow "...ow." Deadpool looked up to see the two most famous Skeletons: Sans and Papyrus, the skeleton brothers from Undertale! "I'm telling you, Sans!" Papyrus began. "Once I find my first human, I'll be let into the royal guard for sure!" "You mean the thing standing right in front of us?" Sans asked, pointing at Deadpool. "EGAD!!! A HUMAN!!! Quickly Sans! Initiate the puzzles!!!" "That kinda looks like an adult." "Whatever!" "You do realize he's gonna fight back, right?" "Oh boy! I love this part in the game!" Deadpool spoke "Yo! Hit the theme, but with a remix!" Papyrus threw some bones at Deadpool. The Merc, however, was able to dodge them rather quickly, but was caught off guard when a sword came and stabbed right inbetween his eyes. "Ha! Got 'em!" Papyrus spoke "And not with my bones!" A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!! Deadpool, after pulling the sword from his face, was introduced to... Deadpool? "What the-!?" Our Deadpool said in shock. "Who the f**k is this!?" "What does it look like, dumbass?" The other Deadpool asked "I'm Deadpool, the sexiest Motha Fucka!" "HEY!!! You're swearing and it isn't censored!?" "Yep!" "Oh, I'm gonna enjoying killing me you son of a b***h! DIE!!!" Our Deadpool (Who we'll call Deadpool 1 now) was meet with a blue blast, blowing him away with a burn, only to be impaled by a nearby tree. His vision blurred, but he saw that next to his... evil self... good self... mirror self, was the mirror Luna. "So glad to see you drop by, Lu-Lu." Mirror-Pool (yes, we're gonna call him that) said as the evil looking walked next to him. "Please, I wouldn't my Wittle Wade to be hurt, do I?" She replied. "Wait!" Deadpool 1 spoke "Lu-Lu? Wittle Wade? Are you both... you know?" "Yes." Both answered bluntly. "...Uh... how does it work, exactly? Do you... stick it in there? Is she on top? Do you do a spell that makes a-?" Mirror Pool pulled out a pistol and blasted Deadpool in his face, leaving a hole. "Thank you." Evil Luna spoke "That was making me uncomfortable." "Eh, no worries." Mirror pool replied "And he should be dead now. But, for the fun part!" "Oh, you horny human!" Deadpool 1 healed quickly and saw the two making out with each other. WHOO!!! YEAH!!! Get it on! F***ing pig. This is a different form of Bestiality. Nah! They can talk! And she wanted it! ... That's just gross. Deadpool carefully pulled himself out and ran into the forest... before tripping over this world's Luna. "Deadpool!?" She asked in shock "What are you doing here!?" "I fell." Deadpool replied "What are YOU doing here!?" "I was investigating a somewhat large cosmic shift beneath Canterlot. Who know this world existed... and somehow... it seems Familiar." "The Moon in the Dark." "...What?" "Read it! Along with you people! Go and support Tats and tell 'im Deadpool sent ya! Oh, and we got a mirror problem." "Mirror problem?" "Yeah, ourselves from the mirror-verse is here." "...Our evil selves?" "Hm... maybe to you, but I'm not so sure about myself, but we gotta find a mirror while they-" Deadpool froze as Loud moaning was heard. DAMN!!! THEY'RE GETTING IT ON!!! Now would be a good time to run before this turns into a Mature Fic. Unfortunately, they were meet by the somewhat familiar figure that no one cared about. "I am Kul'as!" He shouted "And I am here to-!" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Deadpool said, walking by him. "...You're not serious? I'm the great-" "Yeah, see, that's the problem: You're an unknown character that claims to be great, but if any of the readers remembered, I kicked your ass offscreen while the Author made a serious of fake commercials. Do you REALLY want that to happen again?" "...YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" "Not on my watch!" Luna Spoke. "Alright! Teamwork!" Deadpool spoke. Kul'as charged, but was followed by Deadpool and Luna. They both ran to each other and- Kul'as was defeated. "See?" Deadpool spoke "We did the same joke, but we have ACTUAL videos this time!" "What is... thouest... talking about?" Luna asked, breathing hard. "Oh, nothing. Now, for my reward." He took the bottom part of his mask off and perked his lips into a kissing formation. Luna stared for a moment, then walked away. "Only in thy dreams." "OKAY!!! Tonight!?" Luna groaned, but stopped as she saw her mirror self and Deadpool... who was putting his belt back on. "Sorry about that." Mirror-Pool said. "Luna and I were just making a baby." Luna stared. "You... you both-!?" "What's wrong?" Mirror Luna asked "Never thought that I'd have myself a wonderful husband?" "HUSBAND!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. "Yeah," Mirrorpool replied, showing his right hand with a ring on the ring ring finger. "When we first meet, love sparked around us. Since then, we've been having fun as the most evil being in Equestria." "Oh great! My mirror self has become a 1 dimensional villain that wants to do evil!" "Hey! I'm not evil! I allowed Francis and the Fant4stic to live." "YOU B*****D!!!" Kul'as appeared next to the mirror selves. "Go!" He ordered "Kill your weak selves!" "Weak!? We ain't weak! We kicked your ass!" "Ooh!" Mirror pool said "They did!? You're weak as hell!" "I'm not weak!" The beast yelled "I am the great-!" "Blah-blah-blah." Both pools said in unison. "Get yourself your own movie, then we'll talk!" Both turned to each other. "Did we just say the same thing!? We did!!!" Both Lunas stared at each other. "...Do you think they're going to have gay sex?" Mirror Luna asked. "What is... sex?" Luna asked. Kul'as facepalmed himself. "Looks like it's time for Plan B." He muttered to himself. He opened a portal and went into it. "Where did he go!?" "Eh, he's going back in time to kill us all." Mirror Luna answered. "...We must stop him!" "Eh, we did." Deadpool said "If he were to kill us, then we'd be gone." "But since he's such a pussy," Mirrorpool added "it's not that hard." "But how did we go back in time?" A ball of Electicity came and blasted them all away. Out came was a full grown Flurry Heart... with the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger. "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?" "Deadpool!" She spoke with the voice of Arnie. "I require your assistance! We need to travel back to prevent-!" "Gotcha." Deadpool spoke, hopping onto her back. "Hi-Ho! Deadpool away!" They disappeared. All froze and blinked. "...Truce?" Mirror Luna asked "Truce. ... I need a shower." Deadpool and Arnold-Heart landed in the crystal Empire. "Cool! A young sombra!" Deadpool spoke, picking up a filly Sombra. "Hey, want a crystal?" He pulled a crystal out of nowhere. "...Crystalssss..." The Sombra colt said in his adult voice. "Stop messing the time-space continuity!" His companion spoke "We need to-" "Ooh! Grogar!" Deadpool spoke, pointing at a goat. He pulled out a sniper and fired at it, leaving a bloody hole in it's skull. "DEADPOOL!!!" "UMBRA QUEEN!!!" He punched a female Sombra, knocking her out easily... who exploded and attached itself to the young Sombra. "DEADPOOL!!!" "Ooh!" He picked up a pink Crystal pony filly with a blue mane. "Hey, Radiant hope. How you doing?" "Uh... who are you?" she asked "I am your father!" "...what?" "There's the b***h!" Deadpool teleported away with Radiant Hope and stood in front of Kul'as. "You followed me here!?" He demanded "You will-!" "TYPE 3 DIABEETUS!!!" Deadpool lifted Radiant Hope to Kul'as. He stared. "...What's that gonna-?" "Daddy?" she asked. "HHNNNG!!!" He died from a heart attack. Deadpool arrived back to the Canterlot castle, holding the decapitated head of the Kul'as guy, but peeked as he saw Luna. ooh! She's naked! They're all naked. But she doesn't have her jewelry on! Fine... I guess we can call that naked. "...Hey guys?" He asked his voices "You know what's weird?" What? "All this time... I didn't love myself." We do love ourselves! He means the other one. Wait... you mean... we haven't-? Yes. "And just seeing Luna walk in... really naked... I'm... oh god!" Use your brain! We'll use both! "F**K IT!!!" Deadpool ripped his clothing off, but to keep this teen, there's a cenor bar around his lower area, though his butt was shown. "Time to rock our bodies!" Deadpool ran through the hallway, scarring all the guards and staff members mentally. Deadpool found Luna in the shower... singing? She knows the Backstreet Boys!? Crap. Now we're turned on. Deadpool literally slid in, scaring Luna. "What the-!?" she yelled "Deadpool!? You're... naked!!!" "So are you!" he replied "And I must say, your singing's wonderful!" She blushed. "Uh... it's... it's just a hobby!" She turned the shower off and threw herself and Deadpool a towel. "Please! Put on some clothes! I... I can't stop looking at..." she shuddered. "What? I'm not embarrased. 'Sides, it's not like you wear clothing yourself." "I do, but Equestria's form of clothing is much different than yours. And I prefer that you wear your suit." She walked into her room, but saw Deadpool lying on her bed with a bathrobe on. "Come on, Princess. You know you love me." "...What?" "Our Mirror selves! They're married!" "...So? If they're married, it's their choice, not ours." "Maybe. But, tell me, why aren't we in love? Didn't you fell in love before?" She froze, but let out a deep breath. "Deadpool... I am a princess, I have duties to perform, subjects to help, and this country would be lost if my sister hadn't lead it when I was banished. I can't 'find love' because I'm busy. Now leave and perform your... juvenile actions." Deadpool stared. "Juvenile? Is that what you think of me? As some kid!?" "You act like a child, Wade. Now leave." "Oh no! I'm no child, Missy! I'm a full grown adult! In fact, do you know what I am!? I'm a goddamn psychopath and mercenary!!!" Luna turned with anger in her eyes. "You think I don't know that!? You've killed some of our residents, and if not, you've psychologically damaged them with your actions!!!" "I don't damage people! I make them laugh!!!" "Does your definition of laughter involve subjects to go to the psychiatry ward for help!? You are the most annoying, destructive, and immature being I have meet! I'd rather be with Discord than with you!!!" Deadpool gasped. "...Oh yeah! Well... you're... you're just an OVER RATED PRINCESS!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "YOU'RE OVER RATED!!! 'Oh! People are ignoring me!!! I'm gonna use dark magic to get their attention!'" "Stop it." "'Oh no! I've been Nightmare moon for about 10 minutes! I've been banished to the moon! I'll get my revenge soon!'" "Stop it!!!" "'Oh! I feel so much guilt for causing a 2 hour stop in time! I gotta punish myself by making a Tantibus because I can't forgive myself for doing something that was small and forgotten by most ponies!'" "STOP IT!!!" "'And you're immature, Deadpool! I've ignored your backstory about how you have cancer and are hiding your face to be accepted by society! I don't think you're my type! I want to be alone so I can get to work and-'" Luna plunged herself at Wade and delivered a right hook across his face, knocking his mask off. "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!" She teared up. "Oh, did I do that? Did I struck a nerve, Mooncheeks?" Luna growled at him, snarling at him, and lunged at him. She grabbed him by the back of his head and delivered a passionate kiss. Deadpool grabbed her and delivered a passionate kiss himself. "I... hate you... so much!" "Well I love ya!" Deadpool stood up and both landed on her bed. Luna rested on her back. "Go on! Do it! Do it you f***ing moron!" Deadpool panted heavily as he took his robe off "That's more like it!" Deadpool lunged himself to Luna, and they both- Both Luna and Deadpool laid next to each other in bed, covered by the blanket. Sweat ran down from their foreheads, both had a smile, breathed heavily, and the room was now a mess, littered with... NSFW things... unless you work there. "...Deadpool." Luna spoke. "...Yeah?" Deadpool replied "You... made me... the happiest mare... alive!" "Heh, I'm glad I did!" "Now... I see why... they call you... a stallion." "Yeah." "...Well... think we should... make a room... for the baby?" "Pfft! Nah. I'm sterile." "Oh... thank goodness." Both laid down silently. "...Wanna go another round?" "F**k yeah!" "Awesome!" Unbeknownst to them, their moans were heard around the castle. Many of the staff members blushed as they heard their princess and Deadpool moan loudly, the guards around were tempted to look, and possibly peek, on what was happening, and Celestia... Celestia sat on the throne, blanked out. "... Sister," she said to no one "... I pity and envy you."