//------------------------------// // Dead Phoenix // Story: Monty Python's My Little Pony // by moviefreak523 //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash lands in front of the door of the cottage that belongs to her good friend, Fluttershy. This is her second visit to the yellow pegasus today. And, she is not in a good mood right now. With a seemingly empty cage hanging from her mouth, she has returned to give that yellow pegasus a piece of her mind. "Fluttershy," the cyan pegasus said as she opens the door. "You home?" "Oh, hello, Rainbow Dash," the yellow pegasus said as she trots out of the kitchen. "What do I owe to this visit?" "Well, I want to talk to you about this Phoenix you gave me-" "Ah, yes, the beautiful Great Northern Phoenix. Did you notice his beautiful plumage." "No, I never got the chance because he was molting. A lot." "Oh, that's too bad. Maybe if you waited a while for him to grow them back-" "Fluttershy, I'm not here to talk about the Phoenix's stupid plumage!" Rainbow Dash yells. "I'm here because I have a bigger problem with it." "Oh, my. What seems to be the problem?" "I'll tell you what the problem is; it's dead, that's the problem." "What? Oh, no! Let me see him!" Rainbow Dash slams the cage on top of the table, where Fluttershy can take a good look through the bars. "Oh, Rainbow," Fluttershy said, her lips forming into a smile. "He's not dead." Rainbow Dash looks between the cage containing the dead Phoenix and her yellow pegasus friend, who is sporting a rather genuine smile. "Uh, I'm pretty sure he's dead, Fluttershy. I mean, I even checked him out." "Well, technically, he is dead, but he should rise from his ashes any minute now. And, when he does, you'll be able to notice his beautiful plumage." The cyan pegasus just looked at her fellow pegasus with a weird look. "Look, Fluttershy. I may not know much about animals as you do, but I know a dead Phoenix when I see one, and I'm definitely looking at one right now." "Trust me, Rainbow Dash. He'll come back to life." "But, he's giving off this weird, funky smell." "Oh, that's just a defense mechanism. You know, to ward off predators while he gets himself to resurrect. Aren’t they wonderful creatures? Beautiful plumage, too." "Fluttershy, I don't know what you are trying to sell me here, but when I see that Phoenix just lying at the bottom of the cage, not moving at all, no matter what I do, and now you're telling me that this dead Phoenix will rise from the grave?" "Yes." They cyan pegasus gives her friend a suspicious look as the yellow pegasus continues to looks back at her with her genuine smile. "Alright. In that case, I'll just have to get this thing to speed up the process." "Uh, no, Rainbow, you shouldn't-" Too late, the cyan pegasus picks up the cage, opens the little gate, and places her mouth next to it, where the Phoenix's head is laying. "HEY, PHOENIX!!! WAKE UP!!! OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!!! I GOT A COUPLE OF NICE, YUMMY CRACKERS FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP!!!" Out of nowhere, a yellow hoof hits the side of the cage. "There, you see?" Fluttershy said quickly. "He's awake now. Now, you don't have to bother him anymore." "What are you talking about? I just saw you hit the side of the cage so you can make him move!" "I did not!" "Yes, you did!" "I did not!" "Oh, we'll see about that!" The increasingly frustrated pegasus reaches into the cage, grabs the sleeping and/or dead featherless Phoenix, pulls him out, and proceeds to yell into its ear. "HEEEEEY, PHOEEEEEEEEENIXXXXXXXXX!!! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO!?! CAN YOU HEAR MEEEEE!?!" She, then, bangs the Phoenix's head on the table a few times. Fluttershy just watch in fascinating horror. "PHOEEEENIXXXXX!!! WAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!!! ANYPONY HOOOOOOME!?!" Bangs it a couple of time on the table. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!" She tosses the Phoenix into the air, seeing it if it will fly. But, it drops to the floor like a rock. "Now, that's what I call a dead Phoenix." "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Rainbow Dash. Really, he's just..." "Just what?" "...Nervous?" she said, giving off a questionable smile. "About what?" "Um...maybe he's just feeling a little homesick. I mean, going to a new home can be very frightening for any pony. So, maybe this whole thing is slowing the process." "Fluttershy, you told me the reason why this Phoenix isn't moving all that much when I was looking at it this morning was because he was resting after a long squawk." "He was! I'm telling you the truth!" The two stay silent as they bore at each with their eyes, a tug of war of wits. "Or, he could just be sleeping?" the yellow pegasus suggests. "Sleeping?" "Yes." Rainbow gave her a suspicious look, which Fluttershy replied with a heavy gulp and some sweat tinkling down her brow. "On it's back?" "Yes. V-Very remarkable bird. Beautiful plumage." "So, was he sleeping while I was taking him home with me?" "C-Correct." "Okay. Then, why was he sitting on that little swing there?" "I-I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash?" "You said that he likes to sleep on his back, and that he was sleeping when I took him home with me. So, why was he on the swing, instead on the bottom of the cage?" "Um..." I got you now, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash thought as she looks triumphantly at her with her legs cross over. "He's...sleep...swinging?" she gave off a crude smile, which looks like it's about to break from the force she is pressing on her teeth. "Okay, Fluttershy. No more games. I just want to return him and find another pet. Something that's a bit more...alive." "Oh, Rainbow, you can't do that." "And, why not?" "It'll hurt his feelings." "Fluttershy. The Phoenix is dead." "Not for long. There, you see, he just woke up." The yellow pegasus opens that cage door and grabs the Phoenix's body. She pulls it out and held it up so that it is looking back at the perplex cyan pegasus. "Come on, little Phoenix. Do that little thing that you do." She let go of it, and it slumped down, lying on the table. "There, he moved." ... ... "Fluttershy-" "Oh, wait. He's just warming up to it." "What-" Out of no where, Fluttershy pulls out a small cane and a small black, top hat. She places the cane in the Phoenix's right wing and the hat on its head. It seemed tailor made for it. "Okay, here we go." She began to wildly push the Phoenix's legs back and forth as it she carried it across the table's surface while she is making it take its top hat off of its head. "'Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my...uh...something, something gal.' Um, 'Something, something, something. Something, something, something.'" She slowly stops the singing and the dancing, looking at her friend, who is looking at her with an incredulous look. "He seemed to have forgotten the words." ... ... ... ... "Fluttershy. I think you need help." "Rainbow Dash, at any moment, he will rise from the ashes and he would be good as new, and, then, you can notice how beautiful his plumage is. Just wait a few minutes. Or, a few hours. Or, a few days." "Fluttershy. The. Phoenix. Is. Dead." "But-" "He's passed on! That Phoenix is no more! It has ceased to be! It has expired and gone to meet its maker! That is a late Phoenix!" ... ... "But-" "It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't put him in that stinking cage and hand it to me as a pet, it would have been pushing up daisies by now! It has rung down the curtains and joined the bucking choir invisible!" ... ... "But-" "It's off the twig! It has kicked the bucket! It has crossed over! It has bought the farm! It has checked out! It has danced its last dance! It has gotten its one-way ticket! He's worm food! It has bit the dust! It has gotten his second pair of wings! It has gone up to the big...whatever in the sky! It is departed, done for, erased, extinct, inanimate, liquadified, mortified, offed, perished, in repose, croaked, wasted, finished, succumbed, terminated, annihilated! That Phoenix is, now, history!" ... ... "But-" The cyan pegasus, with her rainbow main in a mess and her face contorted as she grind her teeth, grabs her friend and pulls her so that she is looking at her in the eye. "FLUTTERSHY!!! THIS!!! IS!!! AN EX!!! PHOENIX!!!" ... ... "But-" "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" She starts slamming her head on the table, causing the cage and the Phoenix's featherless body to bounce up every time Rainbow's head hits the surface. Finally, she stops, with her forehead resting on the surface. Fluttershy hovers over her friend as she places a hoof on the cyan pegasus's shoulder. "Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?" "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She brings her head up from the table, where her chin is now resting on. "My throat hurts a little." "Oh, let me go get you a glass of water." She flies off, leaving the cyan pegaus with her dead Phoenix. "I hope you're enjoying this," she said. The yellow pegasus returns with the glass of water. The cyan pegasus downs it quickly. "Rainbow Dash-" "Forget it, Fluttershy. If you said he'll be alive, fine. I just don't want to wait long for the stupid thing to wake from its beauty sleep. You can have it back." "If that's what you want. I do apologize for this. Normally, he doesn't act like this for this long. To make it up to you, would you like to have a replacement?" "Yeah, sure." "Oh, good. How about a tortoise?" Rainbow Dash looks at her smiling friend, who seems quite proud of her recommendation. "Does it fly?" "Um...not a whole lot, no." "Well, it's not much of a replacement, now, is it?" The room is silent for a few more seconds as Rainbow Dash drinks from her glass. "I can have him fly," Fluttershy said. Rainbow Dash looks up from her glass. "What?" "Oh, it's quite simple, really. I could take the wings off of any bird of your choice and I can attach them to the tortoise. If that's alright with you." The cyan pegasus looks at her friend with incredulous eyes. "You can do that?" "Yes. It's actually quite simple." "Are you allowed to do that? I mean, that's got to be illegal." "That's why I have this." With the slam of her hoof on the table, she left a card where Rainbow Dash can see. "'Princess Celestia's They Can Do Whatever They Want To Do License.' Is this really real?" "Oh, yes. Quite so." Rainbow Dash thinks for a second. "No, no. I don't think so." "Why not?" "Well...I cannot really do that to a bird. I mean, to steal their gift of flight? That'll be just as bad as taking my wings." "Well...what about this Phoenix?" "Isn't he supposed to resurrect any time soon?" "Well, yes, but, even so, he hardly ever flies, anyway. And, besides, he's probably is dead, for good. He should have been turn to ash by now." The cyan pegasus looks carefully at the "Now, it is being pronouced 'Dead'" Phoenix. "I don't know." "Okay, look. Tell you what. I can take these wings off and attached them to the tortoise, glue some feathers on, and I can attach a beak of your own choice." Fluttershy pulls out a box with the words "Beaks" on the top, as she shakes it, which the contents rattle inside. "Course, if that's alright with you." "Hmm." Rainbow Dash places her hoof under her chin as she considers the offer. "Can you really make it fly?" "As if he was born to fly." The cyan pegasus is starting to like the idea, but is not so sure. "It wouldn't look much like a bird." "True, but it would definitely make a great conversation piece." "That's true. Alright, you got yourself a deal, Fluttershy." The two pegasus shook hooves to seal the deal. "Is it okay if I watch?" "I don't mind at all," Fluttershy said as she stuffs the Phoenix inside the cage. Rainbow Dash follows her friend into the kitchen, where noises of machines ran for nearly the entire day. By the time Rainbow Dash leaves with her new pet, the Phoenix's body finally burns into ash. From the small pile, a tall flame erupted out, flying high into the air. Bright light surrounds the tip of the flame as it stops midair and begins to form a shape. It grows bigger and starts to give shape into a bird with a beak and feathers. However, as it tries to spread its wings, there was nothing extending out from its body to keep him from falling to the ground. Which what happens. "Oww," it said as it lies on the ground. "I must be losing my touch to fall down like that." As he tries to get up, he head starts to pound from inside, very hard, up against his skull. "Oww, my head. What happened to me while I was sleeping? Got run over by a train?" He tries to bring his wings up to rub his head, but they seem to not obey him. "Hey, why don't my wings moves?" He looks downward, finding that his wings are missing. "Huh?" He looks to his left, and to his right. Right where his wings should be connected, there were bandages covering the stumps. "WHAT THE (squawk)!"