//------------------------------// // Subjugation with a Smile // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// With much anti-enthusiasm, Dan and company followed their overlord back to his golden chariot. "Let's get going quickly now! Re-don the royal reins and get the royal chariot moving! We have another royal appointment to attend!" "I'll give you a royal opening," Dan muttered, putting the harness around his neck yet again. They all harnessed themselves in and began pulling the chariot once more, semi-slaves to the maniacal driver standing upon a golden pillar behind them. "If I may ask, your vainness, what pray tell are going to this time?" "Aha, I'm happy you asked, dear Dan," Blueblood said, fawning over himself in one of the side mirrors. "While you have been enjoying the pleasure of my company, Kingsley has been busy developing new projects for the new Bluebloodburg. I've scheduled all of us to attend the ribbon cutting ceremony at each new structure! Isn't that exciting?" They all stopped pulling. The chariot, still rolling hit Shining Armor and Cadence in the flank, pushing them into all the others until they were in a pile in front of it. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-all of them??!!" Twilight stuttered in terror. "Y-you're going to make us drag you to ALL of them?!" Blueblood smiled. "Well, of course, Princess Twilight. I mean, who else but my private court could accompany me?" The entire group let out a collective moan underneath Twilight. "Your… highness, please. Don't you think this has gone on far enough?" Blueblood said nothing. He looked down at Twilight and just fluttered his eyelashes at her. The purple pony cringed and shook with disgust in response. "Twilight," Dan said, reaching up to grab her hoof from underneath her, "just keep working with Nicky to find a way to remove him. Take my phone, look up any information you need to impeach him." Phoenix pulled himself up next to Twilight. "I suppose we could search for any specific precedents that could cause a prince or princess of any kind to be removed. There might not be any record of a monarch being forced to abdicate but there still might be a condition that causes it." "So we're gonna Google how to remove a prince or princess from office?" Twilight asked. Dan nodded. "If it gets the job done, yeah. Just find a way to get him off the throne and off our backs!" "Okay, Dan," the lawyer-magician team replied. "Why is there a delay? Continue pulling the royal chariot! Mush! Onwards!" Blueblood commanded. He whipped the reins to get them back into motion. "Get to searching!" Dan whispered to Twilight. "Yes, your tackiness. We'll get back to pulling your wagon right away." "And try to be faster," Blueblood said. "The lack of wind is drying out my mane. Accelerate to our next destination so your prince's… err, prinCESS's mane remains vivacious!" The parade of hate drove down several more blocks. Thus, began the loathsome, aggravated montage as the group ferried Blueblood from grand and bland opening to grander and blander opening. They approached a red carpet ceremony(on a blue carpet) at yet another obnoxiously-shaped building and pulled up to the curb. And the montage was cued. At Blueblood's Palace Casino "Presenting his immense imminence, the magnificent majestic majesty that is, Princess Blueblood," Dan announced. Blueblood cut the ribbon amidst snobby cheers and applause, congratulated himself and the group moved on. At Blueblood's All-Bleu All-you-can-afford Restaurant and Buffet "Presenting his royal… ness… Princess Blueblood." Blueblood held the scissors up high, ribbon between the blades. "With this new eating establishment, we will finally be free of foods provided by the lesser classes at Sweet Apple Acres!" He cut the ribbon. "Applejack's not gonna be happy about this…" Chrys muttered. The rest of the group nodded. At Blueblood's self-portrait DeviantArt Gallery Galleria Gala "Here's that guy… Princess Blueblood." "With this new gallery, I hope to inspire not just the local community but the online community to capture more beautiful images like these!" Blueblood said, cutting the ribbon. "To be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing a picture of Blueblood being bludgeoned to death," Dan remarked. "Or us being back home without him." "Sounds like art I can appreciate, Dan," Cadence said. At Blueblood's NASCAR-chariot Stadium, Nail Salon and Home Theater Installation Center(AKA The Blueblood Dome) "Look, it's Blueblood." "With this new stadium, I…" Blueblood turned around and looked at the logo overhead that said Stadium, Nail Salon and Home Theater Installation Center. "Okay, I have no idea what I was thinking with this one. But it's open now!" Lackluster applause followed. At Blueblood's Royal Reststop "What the squee is this?" Dan asked. Blueblood stood proudly in front of his newest establishment. "And with this new lavatory, we seek to glamorize-" "You built a solid-gold outhouse?!!" Behind Blueblood, the solid-gold outhouse flushed as if on cue. Chrys face-hooved. "Thirteen episodes. We got to thirteen episodes without toilet humor. Way to go, Barro," she said, voice heavy with sarcasm. Confetti descended above the platform celebrating the writer's refrain from resorting to crude bathroom comedy. Balloons descended with the number thirteen emblazoned on them and several bottle rockets fired off above the stage. Truly, it was something to celebrate. So much so, we created a commemorative icon frame for it. Apparently, something we're proud of Thirteen Episodes Without Resorting to Toilet Humor Has to be some kind of record… somewhere The fanfare ended as Blueblood cut the ribbon for his solid-gold outhouse. "Really?" Dan asked. "You actually made a solid-gold outhouse?" He looked at the camera. "And how is that supposed to be funny?" "Thbb-thppp-thpp thpp-thpp thbbb!!" Fluffle said, presenting the golden outhouse. Which translated to, "There's no way a solid-gold outhouse could possibly be funny!" "Does anybody have some toilet paper?" a voice from inside asked. "Everything in here seems to be… gold. Including the TP." "Thppp!" Translation: "Unless it had solid-gold toilet paper to go with it!" Shining levitated a spare roll from Blueblood's chariot(which was apparently equipped with its own bathroom) and tossed it into the stall. "There you go, buddy." "Thanks!" Levitating a solid-gold scroll up to him, Blueblood announced, "Well, that seems to be the last structure on our list." "Hooray," Dan's group let out a unanimous, relieved cheer. "That means we can go home now, right?" Dan asked. Blueblood nodded. "But of course." The scene did a horizontal flip transition and the gang appeared in front of Blueblood's mansion at night. "Wait a minute, I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR HOME!!" The prince-whatever scoffed. "Pffft, well, how else are you expected to fulfill my needs in the evening?" Dan's entire body vibrated with rage. He turned to Twilight and Wright. "You guys find anything yet?" The two shook their heads, still pouring over data on their phones. "No… but there are already several groups on EQD that are shipping Blueblood with his holographic clones," Phoenix said. "Figures," Dan said. "Short of him breaking the law or committing a war crime, there doesn't seem to be anything that could force him off the throne," Phoenix added. "That's not even the worst part," Twilight said. She held up the phone's display. "According to this, Blueblood really was next in line for the throne. That means his claim is legitimate… and if it's recognized by another nation, his sovereignty will be official. Bluebloodestria will be real." Dan whispered really quietly to them both. "So let's make sure he doesn't find out about this." "Doesn't find out about what?" The two humans and pony spun around quickly from their huddle. "Um.. uh-um, what we're planning on doing tomorrow!" Twilight said. "Just ironing out the details," Phoenix nodded, smiling as wide as he could. (And those details just happen to involve overthrowing a certain oppressive tyrant.) "Yeah, what we're plotting on doing tomorrow." Twilight elbowed Dan in the gut. "Planning! I meant planning. Plans that do not involve toppling the regime you have so justly and rightfully put in place," Dan said, smiling and looking diabolically innocent. "Oh, you needn't worry about that, my vassals," Blueblood assured them. "I've planned out our schedule for the next several months." "Months…?" "What we'll be doing, where we'll be going, where we'll be eating and of course, all sorts of new fun things for you to wear!" Blueblood clopped his hooves together gleefully. "Months?" Dan repeated. "He said months, right? I did hear that, didn't I? Or did I just imagine something soul-crushing?" "I'm afraid you didn't," Twilight said, grimly. "Come now, all of you!" Blueblood beckoned. "Just wait until you see the rest of the mansion!" "Would it be too much to ask for it to be full of ghosts so we can call Luigi?" Phoenix asked. "Nonsense!" Blueblood called from the steps of the foreboding blue-and-white residence. "You'll love enjoy being my servants before long. Dan, be a dear, get the door." Twilight used her magic to get it for Dan. Dan was experiencing rage lock at the moment, the symptom that occurred when he became so angry his hands were balled so tightly into fists that he almost couldn't un-ball them unless he beat the living crap out of Blueblood. You probably know the feeling. The rest of the evening was mostly quiet except for Dan's almost constant growls of pure anger. They happened whenever Dan was close to Blueblood, like when he delivered his dinner, refilled his drink or was forced to use a napkin to wipe the prince's face. The rest of them dined along with Blueblood after preparing his meal, one of the only good things about spending the night in his company. They ate, trying to enjoy what little enjoyment they had from a free meal. Blast Fuse and Blast Powder, even more inseparable now that they were in Blueblood's mansion, slid up to Twilight while she was eating. Their chairs creaked across the floor as they slid up to Twilight's side. "We've analyzed over four-hundred structural weak points in this building." "We've also created a diagram of how best they can be exploited," Fuse said, holding up a blueprint that had been drawn on a napkin. "Guys, thanks," Twilight said, taking the napkin, "but we're not going to go around sticking explosives all over the mansion." "They're already there." Twilight deadpanned. "Wha… wha… wha… what?" The two sisters nodded happily. "We're good with rapid demolition. We knew you could teleport everybody out of here before we set them off." Powder held up the detonator marked TNT. "You wanna be the one to hit the switch?" "Give me that!!" Twilight quickly grabbed it. "Go. Get. The. Bombs. NOW! Diffuse them quickly before anybody finds out!!" "Awwwwwwwww," the two mares groaned. "But they would've been pretty." "Blueblood would've liked them." "Most of them are blue." "Some are orange. We ran outta blue." "NOW!!" Twilight pointed, panting, her heart in her throat. As if there wasn't enough on her mind already. After dinner, Blueblood gave each of them new outfits to wear. Maids outfits. To clean and dust every nook and cranny of his opulently obnoxious mansion. Twilight and Phoenix took that opportunity to do some more research into the rights of monarchy. "It's possible Blueblood has a book of his own about Equestrian rule practices," Phoenix said, dusting along with Twilight deliberately to get them into the library. While Blueblood wasn't directly watching them, it was likely he had some sort of hidden surveillance system in place. "That would explain how he knew he could usurp the throne while we were away," Twilight said. The two dusted into the library as nonchalantly as they could. When they finally thought they were safe, they began pulling various books off the shelves. It did not take them long to make a not-so shocking realization. "They're all about Blueblood!" Phoenix exclaimed. "Worse! They're all WRITTEN by Blueblood!" Twilight said, holding one up. "Oh gawd… look at the publisher!" Phoenix's expression turned to horror as he read the words underneath the author's name. "Published by… BIMFiction dot net?!" "We're in Blueblood's fan fiction library!!" "RUN! RUN WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!" The pair bolted out the doors, not stopping until they were on the opposite end of the mansion. "I'm going to burn these clothes," Phoenix said, hands clasped on his knees. "I think we should burn those books," Twilight said. "But… maybe he found something in the Canterlot Library. We can check there tomorrow morning." Phoenix swallowed hard. "Unless… Blueblood's done something to the Canterlot Library." The purple mare shook her head. "He wouldn't. He couldn't." The lawyer stared back her. Both of them were pale. "I'm happy Dan installed a security system on our library." "Me too." As they all adjourned for the night, it became evident that their agony was not over. Or at least, Dan's wasn't. Every few minutes, just as Dan got into bed, Blueblood would call for him via an intercom system. "Mmmm… Dan? Would you bring up my spare body pillow from the washroom? I require additional comfort." "RRrrrrrggghh…" Dan growled as he got out of bed for the third time. From the east wing, he went down several flights of stairs to the basement where the laundry room was to retrieve Blueblood's pillows. He derived a small amount of satisfaction by imagining himself smothering Blueblood with one of those pillows. But getting to the laundry room, he quickly found another problem. "You are squeeing squeeing me," Dan said. "GOLD pillows?!!" "They're the only thing that truly comforts me," Blueblood purred through the intercom. Dan's subsequent rage-filled screams could be heard throughout the entire mansion, without the intercom. The human dragged the solid-gold body pillow back up the several flights of stairs, finally arriving at Blueblood's master bedroom. "One pillow," Dan said, dropping it at the foot of the prince's bed. "Fit for a Bond-villain. I hope it breaks all your legs." "Ohhhhh, Daaaannnnn," Blueblood purred in bed. "Fluff it for meeeeeee…" "It's GOLD!" Dan yelled. "How do you fluff GOLD?!" The prince stretched and pointed to an arc welding station that occupied one corner for reasons Dan could only guess. "GRAAAAARRRRRRAAAUGH!!!" he raged so loud it broke several of the intercom speakers in Blueblood's room. Finally, he lowered his fists again and panted. "Would you like me to fluff you when I'm done, your highness?!" "No, just the royal body pillow, thank you." "Of course," Dan said, grinning angrily. "I'd be HAPPY to." Fortunately, that turned out to be Blueblood's last request for the night. Whether it was because the intercom system was shorted out by Dan's screams or not, none of them knew. Despite the fact they were still stuck in Blueblood manor, they were able to sleep relatively comfortably. The next morning, Dan and company had some time to get dressed before Blueblood had need of them. "Did you guys find anything last night? Make any progress?" Dan asked. "No… none that bears repeating," Phoenix said. "We might try the Canterlot Library if you can distract him again today," Twilight said, then added, "if it's still standing." "There will be something," Dan said, assuringly. "If we have to organize a rebellion ourselves, we'll take our kingdom back." They all nodded in agreement. In the master bedroom once again, Dan provided Blueblood breakfast in bed. "Dan?" "Yessssss…" the human hissed through gritted teeth. "I said egg-whites only," Blueblood held up his solid-godl tray. Dan slowly turned around. "You're having WAFFLES!" Blueblood nodded. "I know." "ERRRRGGGGHHHH" Dan growled when suddenly, Blueblood's cellphone rang. The prince yelped a little. "Uh-um, could you ha-" "It's okay," Dan said preemptively, "I got it." "No- Dan! Please, don't!" he said, reaching out for it. But it was too late. Dan had already grabbed it. "You want me to screen it?" "Just give it here!" "Okay, I'll let it go to message," Dan said, holding onto the phone. It continued to ring. "Dan!!" Blueblood yelled, struggling but the weight of the solid gold tray pinned him on the bed. Made of the same material as his personal Magic Gear, he couldn't levitate it off himself. He was now beginning to regret making that deal. With every ring, he felt his empire collapsing. Finally, the phone beeped and began to speak. "Princess Blueblood, this is Sky Marshal Gust Grasp of the Griffon Coalition. You said that we might be facing your Magic Gear and that damage to our cruisers would be 'light or negligible.' Instead, my flotilla was ambushed by a surface-to-air missile battery you neglected to tell us about, extensive air support and I've lost SEVEN CRUISERS!!" The phone tight in his grip, a perplexed look on his face, Dan slowly turned to Blueblood. "Seven… cruisers?" The pieces were beginning to fit together. "This constitutes an act of WAR against the United Griffon Coalition. But because of our 'negotiations', I have decided to forgive this grievous insult in exchange for triple the amount agreed upon in our deal." "Triple?!" Blueblood blurted, "Absurd!" Dan cast him a glare of pure hatred. "I am dispatching the rest of our expeditionary fleet to Ponyville at this time to collect the rest of our fee, from the townsfolk if necessary. If we encounter any more unforetold resistance, we will bomb your cities. Do not double cross the Griffon Coalition again or we will find you. Marshal Grasp out." The message abruptly cut off with a sharp burst of static. Blueblood, lips trembling, looked up from the phone to the human holding it. Dan was staring daggers at him. "Now… I-I c-can explain." "EXPLAIN!" Dan shouted. "Yes, you can EXPLAIN. And you WILL explain to EVERYPONY WHY YOU BETRAYED THEM!!" Swallowing, the prince mustered up as much courage as he could. "You… you have no proof." Dan held up the phone. "Oh, I think this is all the proof I need, don't you? I'm sure everybody will understand after they hear this." The prince tried to wrest it from the human's grasp but the phone was also made of the same material as the Magic Gear. It's gold-chromium arcicite composite meant it resisted all forms of magic. And he was still trapped underneath his breakfast. "Th-that was a prank call!" he stammered. "No matter what you say, I'll deny it!" "Oh but I think it implicated you enough," Dan said, nodding confidently. "Those flying galleons that attacked the town yesterday, you hired them to show up, didn't you?" Sweating, the prince shook his head. "You know nothing." "That was your plan, wasn't it?" Dan asked. "Hire some mercs to hit the town, blow stuff up, then you swoop in with your fancy robot and save the day? Everybody loves you and you're a big hero and then everyone lets you do what you want. Is that it? Stop me if I'm too right." Blueblood scowled. "You know nothing!" he repeated angrily. "Get this tray off of me! I won't stand for these accusations." Dan tapped the golden phone to his chin. "No… you won't. You'll sit right there," he said, and walked off. A few moments later, Blueblood heard the message replay from down the hall followed by shouts from Dan's friends. He swallowed hard. A minute later, Dan returned with Phoenix Wright. "I really don't think I could've summoned more incriminating evidence. Good job, Dan." "Back at ya, Nicky. So, is this it? Can we impeach him?" "I think it's pretty open-and-shut," Phoenix said. He walked over to where Blueblood lay pinned and stood at his bedside. "But I want to know why first." "Please," Blueblood scowled. "You two plebeians have nothing. I shouldn't waste my royal breath discussing it with you." "Oh, I think you should," Phoenix said, reaching into his pocket. "Because I don't think any pony's going to be summoning a lawyer for your defense." (At least, I really hope not.) "Whatever you think about me, it's false. You have don't have evidence of anything." "I think we've got enough," Phoenix said, "to implicate you in something quite nasty at the very least. But I want to know the truth. Why did you hire this attack on Ponyville?" Some sort of slam, like the bang of a gavel rang out. Suddenly, everything faded to black. The bed, the bedroom, everything disappeared into a black screen except for Prince Blueblood. Several chains stretched over the prince, barring him in place. They stretched out into the blackness creating a strange pattern in front of him that looked like a pyramid. In the center, several locks appeared and clasped into place, locking the chains together. Of course, only Phoenix was seeing any of this. (Great. Could've seen this coming. Oh gawd… even the chains binding his psyche-locks are gold. Eww. And the locks look like they're made of glittery plastic. Hopefully, this means they'll break easier.) Psyche-locks, the perceived representations of a mind's desire to keep the truth hidden were something Phoenix Wright had a lot of experience with. Phoenix was only able to see them through the magic power of his magatama, an ancient Japanese artifact given to him by his friend Maya Fey. With it, he was able to perceive the psychic manifestations of deception and make progress to unraveling the truth when talking to someone. He'd used it many times in his career on Earth when trying to find out the facts behind a court case. Like humans, ponies were not immune to trying to obfuscate the path to hide the truth. Blueblood had three psyche-locks. And Phoenix knew what he had to do to break them.