//------------------------------//
// Chapter 21 - Shadows From The Past 
// Story: Second Chances, Many Changes 
// by ASGeek2012 
//------------------------------//

"Candy! There you are!"

I stumbled as I emerged from the boutique after having retrieved my saddlebag. Twilight's voice had surprised me not so much for its presence as its direction. I had forgotten she had wings with as little as I had seen her use them.

"Oh, hi, Twilight," I said as she landed before me. "I was just on my way over. I had to stop to pick up--"

Twilight pressed a hoof to my shoulder. Her horn flickered, light flashed, and a biting chill seized me for a split second.

"--my s-saddlebag ...?" My eyes widened as what had been Ponyville was now the inside of the castle library. "Did ... did we just teleport?"

Twilight smiled. "I'm really anxious to hear about your dream in light of my new theory!"

I stared at her as I shivered from the lingering cold, and my legs wobbled a bit.

Twilight blushed. "Oops, I'm sorry! I forgot, your world doesn't have magic. Are you okay?"

"I think so," I said in a steadier voice as the chill faded. "Maybe warn me next time, please?"

"I will, I promise. Do you need to sit down?"

I didn't, but I had a feeling this was going to take awhile. I took a seat near a single stack of books taller than me, arranged in a perfect tapering tower with the widest at the bottom and the narrowest at the top. "So what's your theory?"

"First let me tell you what I discovered when I studied the residual magic from Chrysalis' spell," said Twilight in an excited voice. "Chrysalis was definitely trying to channel emotional energy through the pendant. That just confirms my original hypothesis that the pendant was designed to absorb unusual forms of energy."

I surprised myself; I actually understood that. "So that's its original purpose? To absorb emotions?"

Twilight smiled. "Now that's an interesting question! My testing confirmed that's one of the energies it can absorb, but there's much more to it than that. The complexity of the thaumic matrix is nothing less than astounding. Chrysalis may very well have only scratched the surface. She quite possibly could have tapped into far more power than that!"

Had I not come to know Twilight as a pony nerd, I would have been alarmed at how excited she sounded at the prospect of Chrysalis using the thing for world domination. "Well, you did say she was single-minded."

"Either that, or she's simply not as versed in this kind of magic," said Twilight, her eyes almost glittering. "But I haven't even touched on the most exciting part of my theory yet. The matrix is so complex that I can't see how something like this can be compressed into such a tiny space. There has to be a guiding intelligence behind it."

My eyes widened. "Wait, you mean ... the pendant can actually think?"

"It makes perfect sense. You said yourself that it pleaded with you not to give it away. And then there's how you had to coax it into accepting me as its owner."

My heart fluttered. I quelled the urge to refute her reasoning, as I would also have to deny the presence that Princess Luna had sensed. But did I really want to accept the idea that I had carried something sentient -- or possibly even sapient -- around my neck for so long? "Um, o-okay. What's behind this intelligence?"

Twilight's smile broadened. "That's the best part. It has to be none other than Starswirl the Bearded himself!"

I swallowed. "Wait. You're not saying that Starswirl himself is in the pendant somehow? Didn't he live like a really long time ago?"

"Well, no, not the Starswirl, of course," said Twilight.

I let out a tiny sigh of relief, though my heart still raced.

"And, yes, he passed on during the pre-classical period. I doubt very much even somepony as accomplished in magic as Starswirl could place his own spirit into an object, especially since he lived on well past the time period when I believe he forged this pendant. But he could create a sort of impression, a mental image, an ... an avatar of himself. Do you realize why this is so wonderful if I'm right?"

"I guess?" I paused and sighed. "Or maybe I don't. I'm sorry, Twilight, I'm just not as versed in magic as--"

"If I can find the right energy to infuse into the pendant, I just might be able to talk to this intelligence. It would be almost like talking to Starswirl himself! Some ponies can only dream of finding some long lost journal of his, but I get to talk directly to the most powerful mage Equestria has ever produced!"

"You mean his avatar, right?" I said in a cautious voice.

Twilight blushed. "Er, yes, of course, that's what I meant." She giggled and waved a hoof. "I know, I must sound like I'm fanfillying a little ..."

A little?

"But what really makes me think my theory is correct is your name."

I gave her a dumbfounded look. "Huh?"

"Your name! Candy Swirl."

It took a moment to click, for I had never made even the remotest connection. "Wait a minute. Pinkie Pie came up with that name. It sounds nothing like my original name."

"Yes, but Pinkie's magic works in strange ways, and it's entirely possible she may have been influenced by the pendant, thus establishing the connection."

I again wanted to question the Princess of Magic. Hadn't I already gone down that route to my own detriment? "Okay, so ... why didn't Starswirl himself appear in my dreams to explain what was happening?"

"Because you wouldn't have understood it," Twilight explained. "Starswirl's avatar likely had access to your memories and prompted you to think of somepony familiar instead. He would have sensed the Equestrian magic blocking your memory and was trying to help."

I hopped off the chair. Irritation crept into my voice. "But he didn't do a thing until I actually came to Equestria. Why?"

Twilight paused. "That I don't know yet. It's possible he needed access to the thaumic field of Equestria to accomplish anything useful."

"And so he caused me to come here?" I demanded.

Twilight's ears drew back. "I don't understand."

I paused to calm myself. What was the point of being upset? Hadn't I already accepted living in this strange world for now? "Sorry," I said in a softer voice. "Remember when I told you about the alley, and what the pendant did to draw attention to me?"

"Oh, yes, right!"

"So are you telling me that Starswirl was responsible for that?"

"It's possible," Twilight said in a contrite voice. "But realize that the pendant contains at best a shadow of his intellect and not his feelings. He may have sensed Discord nearby and took a calculated risk."

Calculated risk? Was that what this was reduced to? I ... no, enough. I had to stop emoting and start thinking. Yet my doubts about this connection were not based on logic; it simply felt wrong. "Maybe I should tell you about my dream ..."

Twilight appeared subdued after I finished my tale. "Hmm."

"So are you saying that this avatar of Starswirl is still using imagery of my friend to tell me something?"

Twilight considered. "It's certainly possible. It may even be reiterating the same message that was in my own dream."

"Princess Luna mentioned you had some interesting dreams."

Twilight's expression brightened. "Yes, I did! It's ultimately what inspired this theory. I dreamed I found an abandoned castle, yet when I entered, the place was spotless, and all the torches were lit. The courtyard had a huge banner of Starswirl the Bearded. I found a hoof-written note attached to it in archaic Equestrian."

I tilted my head. "Er ... archaic Equestrian?"

"Yes, it read: thou art to meet me at thy convenience in the royal wing. It matched perfectly old hoofwriting of Starswirl I had seen in the Canterlot archives, so I was sure it was from him. But when I got there, I found two rooms. Oddly, one was locked and had a sign on the door that read: disturbeth not. The other was open, but empty, save for the pendant. The pendant was inert, like it had been completely drained of magic." Twilight smiled. "So do you see the connection?"

"Um, sort of," I said warily.

"I think Starswirl ... ah, I mean his avatar ... wants to talk to me! Your dream may have conveyed the same message, where your friend was trying to talk to the pendant. But he needs me to infuse energy into it to make it possible, so I need to ask your permission."

"Huh? My permission?"

"I know you gave me the pendant, but I still consider it yours," Twilight said in a softer voice. "There's a small chance I could damage it."

I frowned. "Honestly, Twilight, I'm not sure I care whether it gets damaged or not."

"I'm sorry?"

"Maybe the reason it's still affecting me is because it's tying me to a past I want to leave behind."

"But you said it was a symbol of your friendship," Twilight protested.

"Yes, it is, but ... maybe a symbol of all the wrong things." I rubbed a hoof through my mane. "It's hard to explain. It's like it reminds me of all the bad things, but all I want to remember are the good things instead. I don't need a stupid piece of jewelry for that."

Twilight drew her ears back. I could guess what she was thinking: how could I say such a thing about a valuable artifact? Or did she believe I didn't value my friendship enough? It had sounded right in my head, but the more I thought on it, the stranger it sounded even to my own ears.

Maybe Fluttershy was right; I did need to talk to somepony about this.

"I think I understand, Candy," Twilight said softly. "Do you even want me to pursue this?"

I heard the disappointment in her voice, and my heart ached. Her willingness to give up this chance to speak to her idol spoke volumes of her respect for me. Yet even as much as I wanted little to do with the pendant anymore, I didn't feel right about denying her. I smiled faintly. "Well, that's just it. If you do manage to talk to this avatar, you can at least thank him for helping me."

"Would you want to be here when I do the experiment so you can talk to him yourself?" Twilight asked.

That was a question I really didn't want to answer. "When are you going to do it?"

"It'll take me the rest of the day to craft the proper spell, so the earliest would be tomorrow morning."

I uttered a weak laugh. "Believe it or not, I have something else to do. Which reminds me, I wanted to ask you something. Are you familiar with the White Tail Woods?"

Twilight smiled. "Oh, yes, of course. It's just west of Ponyville."

"Is it safe?"

Twilight looked thoughtful. "Shining Armor swept that area with a contingent of guards while he was looking for the second changeling. He didn't find anything, so, yes, I'd say it is."

"Okay, good."

"I'm curious, though, as to why you asked."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, Sweetie Belle's friends want to go on some lark in the woods tomorrow morning, and they invited me along."

"Do you mean the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

"Yeah, them."

Twilight sighed. "Probably yet another scheme to gain their cutie marks. In that case, I'm glad you're going with them. They could use a little more supervision."

I still didn't think I was the best pony to be in charge, but I supposed it would be fairly easy to tell if they tried something that was a threat to life or limb. They had survived this long doing this sort of thing without so much as a single scar to show for it.

"If you could stop by the castle after you're done, I can share with you the result of my experiment tomorrow," Twilight said.

I nodded. "Sure, I can do that."

Twilight smiled. "Before you go, I have something for you. Since fall is the earliest you can attend school, I thought you might want to at least learn a little about Equestria itself."

I smiled. "Yes, I'd like that. Fluttershy said you had some books for me."

Twilight stepped over to the tall stack and gestured with a hoof. "Right here!"

My smile faded. "Um ..."

Twilight's horn glowed, and the stack lifted into the air, separating into its constituent volumes. "Now, I thought the best place to start would be a discussion of ancient history ..." A book sailed towards me and plopped into one of my saddlebags. "... the history the original three pony tribes ... then the founding of Equestria ..."  More books dropped into my bags. "... the pre-classical era ... language and culture ... basics of pony magic ... founding of the diarchy ... famous ponies from antiquity ..."

"Urf," I grunted when I could no longer distinguish the books from so many lead weights.

"... oh, can't forget fashion trends, too, Rarity might be interested in that one as well ... advances in magical understanding ... further evolution of the Equestrian language ..."

"Um, Twilight?" I said in a strained voice as my barrel sagged and my legs trembled.

"... the basics on the magic of harmony ... theories of friendship relating to magic ... understandings of chaos magic ..."

"Twilight!"

" ... and then ... huh? Oh!"

My legs gave out, and I collapsed onto my belly. "Maybe ... a little lighter reading ... at first?" I gasped as I struggled to breathe.

"Oops!" Twilight blushed as she levitated some books out of my saddlebags. "Heh, sorry."

My legs still ached from the load as I struggled to my hooves, my saddlebags almost filled to bursting, but at least I could breathe again.

Twilight settled the remaining books back into a neat stack. "Please come see me the moment you're ready for more books."

I gave her a strained smile. "I will, thank you."





Laboring under the weight of the books, I envied the earth ponies. Applejack likely could have carried this without breaking a sweat. I glanced at the faces of the other ponies as if expecting to find one looking at me in amusement. Were those two pony children I spied earlier following me, or was that just my paranoia creeping back?

Halfway to the boutique, I hatched a plan of dubious brilliance to lighten my load: levitate the thickest book and hold it before me as I trotted. After all, everything else I had held onto with magic seemed light as a feather.

My magical glow enveloped a single book, and I smirked at my "prowess" at snagging a single object from a tight cluster. My grin faded as I clenched my teeth with the effort to lift it; apparently heavy objects remained heavy, magic or no. I trembled as I struggled to hold it before me. I took a single step, but while I moved, the book didn't. In a panic that I was about to bonk myself in the head, I let it go. It fell with a great thud right before my hooves, and my ponderous momentum sent me crashing to the ground as I tripped, plowing my muzzle into the dirt.

I heard a burst of giggling behind me.

I clenched my teeth as heat blossomed in my cheeks. I rose to my hooves, spitting dirt. I grabbed the book in my magic, intending to drop it back into the saddlebag. My hold faltered, and several more books spilled onto the ground.

I stomped a fore-hoof and strained with the need for a much greater release. I really, really wished Equestrian had more swear words. Another spate of distant giggling didn't help, and I trembled in a mix of anger and embarrassment. Trying to put the books back with my hooves got me nowhere, not with the saddlebags still in place. With insufficient magical strength to levitate the whole thing, I had to crawl out from under it. It caught on my mane and scraped along the ground for some distance before I finally shimmied myself from its grip. I stumbled and fell back hard on my haunches.

The giggling erupted into outright laughter. With a growl, I bolted to my hooves and whirled around, yet when my gaze fell upon my tormentors, I could only stare.

The same two kids I had seen earlier now stood some distance away, still laughing. They were both earth pony fillies no older than Sweetie Belle and her friends. One had a pink coat and what looked like a little tiara on her lavender-and-white maned head. The other was gray with a braided silver mane, eyeglasses perched on her muzzle. They both bore cutie marks, but I couldn't make them out from that distance.

They stopped laughing when they noticed me staring at them, but the little pink filly gave me a look far more pompous than I thought any child ought to be capable of doing. Yet it tickled a memory that had been buried for who knew how long, and my blush threatened to return.

The pink filly smirked at me, whispered something to her friend, and both headed away with their muzzles raised snootily in the air. Seriously? I would have laughed if that memory had not impinged on my thoughts again. I uttered a sigh, and I just stared as they disappeared around the bend in the street.

"Excuse me, miss, do you need some help?"

I turned my head towards the friendly voice and saw a smiling mint-green unicorn approaching. She looked vaguely familiar. Instinct and irritation prompted me to refuse any help; fortunately, I had become smarter than that over the past few days. "Yes, please. Sorry, I'm ... just learning to use magic."

"Oh, are you Candy Swirl?"

She had a lyre as a cutie mark. I was sure I had seen her before. "Um, yes, actually, I am. How did you know?"

Her horn glowed, and she lifted the spilled books. "Pinkie Pie told me about you earlier. I'm her friend Lyra Heartstrings."

That was the name. She was with Bon Bon the other ... but, no, they were both changelings at the time.

Perhaps she had seen my ears draw back a little, for she rolled her eyes and said, "And I am the real Lyra this time."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay, Candy," she said with a sigh. "You're not the first pony I've had to say that to." She arranged the books inside the saddlebags and paused. "Are you sure you can carry this?"

"Now that I've had a little rest, I think so," I said. Damned if I was going to admit weakness after that experience with the two little pony delinquents. "I'm headed to the Carousel Boutique. It's not far from here."

Lyra carefully levitated the saddlebags back over my barrel. I steadfastly refused to wince. "So you think you'll be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said in a slightly strained voice.

Lyra smiled. "Glad I could help. See you around!"

I watched as she headed away. I uttered a sigh and scraped a fore-hoof on the ground. Being subjected to a random act of kindness should not have left me so antsy. The memory flooded my head again. Michelle would have understood. She ...

I ... really did need to talk to somepony after all.





I stared at my surroundings as Fluttershy made some tea. Narrow crawl-ways and tiny staircases festooned the quaint interior of her hollowed-out tree cottage. I had stopped flinching at the scamper of critters over these animal highways, but mostly because I was too busy eying the creatures who skittered about the floor. Rather than running away as most animals would, they seemed genuinely curious, even excited, to see me.

Well, save for the one little white bunny who sat a fair distance away, munching a carrot and giving me the stink-eye. Really, what was that rabbit's problem?

"Here we go," came Fluttershy's cheerful voice, entering the room in one of her rare displays of flight, and then only to leave her hooves free to carry the tea tray. "Now, you were telling me about your friend Cherry?"

It had not taken long for me to grow tired of referring to Michelle as simply "my friend." Her name was another that didn't translate well, so we had settled on calling her "Miss Cherry" or simply "Cherry" instead. It was the only word in the Equestrian language that reminded me of Michelle, as she had a fondness for that particular fruit.

I took the proffered cup of tea in my hooves, deciding I had done enough damage with my nascent magical ability for one day. "I met her when I was about five, not long after I had moved to ... er ... well, the city back in my world that was like Manehattan. She was seven." I smiled. "I almost didn't understand her at first. She had such a thick accent."

Fluttershy giggled. "I know what you mean. The first time I heard Babs Seed talk, I hardly understood a word she said."

My smile widened slightly, but still had a bittersweet undertone to it. The memory those two little fillies had conjured would not leave me alone. "Cherry really helped me get settled in. She was always there when I had a problem or just needed someone to talk to. And, um, she talked me down whenever I tried to do something stupid."

"What do you mean?" Fluttershy asked.

I had almost hoped she wouldn't ask, but I needed the prompting. "I really looked up to my mother when I was, um, a foal," I said in a quavering voice. "I wanted to do everything she did. So I saw her once acting really uppity and snooty towards somepony."

Fluttershy's eyes widened. "Really? That's surprising, considering what you've said about her."

"Well, yeah, that's the point. I completely misread what was going on. But I was convinced that's what I was supposed to do, too. So, um ..." I blushed. "I sorta started practicing in front of a mirror acting just like that, all uppity and full of myself. Just like ... well, never mind. The point was, I acted really obnoxious."

I had been about to say "just like that little pink filly with the tiara," but I didn't want to recount the whole embarrassing incident.

Fluttershy raised a hoof to her muzzle. "Oh, my, really? You? Obnoxious?"

Why was that damn bunny nodding his head? I tried to ignore him. "Well, thank you, but, yeah, I was pretty bad. Cherry was not impressed when I showed her. She forced me to talk to my mother about it, and she set me straight. She was just putting on an act for somepony, poking fun at the way somepony else had tried to act towards her."

Fluttershy smiled. "It's funny, though, when you look at it now." She paused, her eyes uncertain. "Um ... isn't it?"

"Yes, it is, actually," I said, telling a half-truth. The humor simply could not overcome the ache that the memory of Michelle had left. I trembled for a moment, long enough for Fluttershy to reach out a hoof. She hesitated as if uncertain as to what to do. The gesture mirrored my own feelings.

I met her halfway, touching my hoof to hers. Her glistening eyes met mine, and I fought back the urge to cry. I hated this. I had already gotten past my guilt over Michelle's death, what more was there to express?

Stop emoting and start thinking, that had to be my mantra now. I took a deep breath, and my emotions settled. I felt like I had accomplished something in that moment. I felt more in control again. I smiled more naturally. "Thank you."

"Would you like to stay a little longer?" said Fluttershy. "It's not quite sunset yet."

I tipped back my cup and took a large sip of the tea I had been nursing. "Yes, I would like that. So long as I get back to the boutique by -- ow!"

Something had struck me right between the eyes, and I flinched when tea splashed over my fur. Fluttershy gasped, and her wings snapped open. I looked down and saw a half-eaten carrot in my teacup.

"Angel!" Fluttershy cried, frowning. "Stop being a naughty bunny!"

The white bunny folded his forelegs and gave both of us an indignant look.

"What was that all about?" I said.

Fluttershy blushed faintly. "Um, I guess I should've said something when you came in, but you're sitting in Angel's favorite chair."

Angel thumped a back foot and frowned at me.

I set down the cup. "Maybe I should get going after all."

"Oh, please, don't worry about Angel, he just--"

"No, it's okay, Fluttershy," I said, forcing a smile. "I'm anxious to start reading some of those books that Twilight gave me anyway."

Fluttershy slowly smiled. "All right. Just remember, you can come see me anytime you want."

Perhaps Angel's intervention had been timely. I had intended to spend the rest of the afternoon with Fluttershy recalling the happy memories of Michelle, but even those threatened to drive me to tears. I needed to move on somehow without forgetting her, and I had no idea where to start.

If only she would stop messing with my dreams.