//------------------------------// // Decisions // Story: Earning Freedom // by Daxisle //------------------------------// Decisions Sitting by herself a good distance from the farm, Scootaloo breathed in the cool, refreshing air of the ravine. She turned her head skywards and observed the moon, watching the gigantic, glowing slab and momentarily contemplating it's magnificence to distract herself from the matter at hoof. Though, the moon only served to remind her of it's manipulator and the words she'd spoken to the filly last night. "Did Macintosh and Annabelle not take you in and treat you as their own?" Of course they did, Scootaloo knew they did, and she believed they loved her and... that she loved them. It wasn't a long time to get to know them, hay, Islander was giving Mac a run for his bits now, but unlike the cloaked pony, Macintosh made an effort to know her on an emotional level beyond just trying to comfort her distress. He, and Annabelle, wanted a relationship with her. So why wasn't she giving them the chance? Scootaloo cared about them, she wanted them back, honest she did. The hugs, the comfort, the emotional closeness, the feelings of protection and security, these were things she wanted. These were things all children wanted, right? ... ... Maybe Islander and Luna were right? Maybe she was just being stupid and stubborn by not considering the context... Macintosh didn't just give her up, after all. He did try to fight, if only briefly, but he did. Annabelle wasn't even there, so giving her any blame wasn't fair either. Though, that did add on to the filly's anger at the mare's lack of presence when she was needed most. She hadn't really done too much sacrificing in the wake of Scootaloo's time on the farm, just attended a Parent Teacher Confrence. So, what real proof did the filly have that either of them- Scootaloo shook her head, she was tired of seeing the worst in the two. They were good ponies, both of them. It wasn't fair how she was thinking about them, but how could she not? They- No, Annabelle wasn't there! Macintosh let her go! But why? The question had been haunting her every night since it happened. He didn't look happy to see her go, he looked miserable and sorry. Was he afraid? Was he remorseful? Did it matter? No, it's like Islander said, results are what matter in the end. The results are that she was taken. She was taken and Macintosh stood by and let it happen. Had Scootaloo not acted, she would have ended up in foster care or worse, an orphanage. "And what would have happened after that?" Scootaloo gasped and looked around, her eyes trailed around the rocky terrain around her, but she couldn't find the voice that had spoken. "What is the point of a foal going to an orphanage?" So they can be abused and- "Wrong answer!" It snapped, the tone dry, slightly scratchy and reminiscent of Scootaloo's own. 'They go there because nopony wants the foal, right? Well, let's say that you did go. Don't you think Macintosh would have gotten you out as soon as he could have?' Scootaloo frowned, realizing the voice was coming from within her own mind. Who are you? "Me? Oh, I'm just a part of your mind. You know, the part that calls out the stupid things you do when you do them? You can call me the voice of reason, I guess." Scootaloo rubbed her head, trying to make sense of what she was hearing. Voice of reason? Since when did she have one of those? 'Everypony has a voice of reason, Scootaloo. Nopony talks about them much, but whenever somepony's making stupid or irrational decisions in their lives, this is where we come into play. To tell you ponies how stupid or selfish you're being and try to correct it.' Scootaloo didn't take well to being called stupid or selfish. Look, weird voice in my head... thing. I don't appreciate you insulting me. "And I don't think Macintosh appreciates all the heart ache you're causing him. Yet, you don't seem so concerned with that." Scootaloo gritted her teeth, it wasn't fair. Why was everypony so worried about Macintosh? Why were her own feelings in all of this being treated like they didn't matter? Didn't they care how she felt? How scared and tramatized she was? Even this so called "rational" part of her brain didn't understand that. "Scootaloo, I do understand, and I believe that you are making a mistake by not going back." Reason replied. "Where you are now is not a good situation. You have no real home to speak of, you've no schooling, no real structure, and the closest things you have to friends are an unhealthy pair of polar opposites: A stallion who ignores you and a mare who coddles you. Does this not seem worse than going to an orphanage for a week tops to be back with Macintosh and Annabelle?" Scootaloo bit her lip as she considered the argument. Her current situation wasn't ideal at all. She missed home. She missed her school, her friends, her fa-... her fam... In a small fit of frustration, Scootaloo shook her head. NO! No family does not give their own away! They don't abandon eachother like that! No matter how anypony cut it, Mac let her go. He failed to protect her when she needed him most. That's what mattered, not the reason. What would happen the next time he had a "reason" to abandon her? Would he do it again? So Islander may be a little cold and distant, and Krystal may be a little overbearing, but she knew the former would protect her at any cost. He'd proven that much! In a way, Islander had done more for her than Macintosh had! "Yea, and even he wants you to go back." Scootaloo flinched, feeling more than a little hurt at that. "He wants what's best for you, and as you've acknowledge, you don't know the full story of what happened to make him give you up. You are blowing it out of perpotion, assuming you're custody to be long lasting, yet you don't know that. I think you should listen to Sinbad's judgement. At least talk to Macintosh and Annabelle and see if what Luna said was true or not." Scootaloo wished she could, she wished things could go back to the way they were before. But deep down, she still couldn't forgive the red stallion for his betrayal. It hurt how scared she was that day, and until she was ready to forgive him for his misdeeds, there was absolutely no chance of her returning to Ponyville. So Macintosh and Annabelle and all of her friends were in pain, that sucked, it did and Scootaloo felt genuinely bad about it. But she wasn't ready to have anything to do with them, not yet. Not until she had time to sort out her feelings. "But you will go back at some point, Correct? You are considering the idea?" With no small amount of conflicting emotion, the filly acknowledged that she would give the matter more thought than she had before. "I don't suppose you'll know when-" No, I don't, and I'd appreciate it if you left me alone right now. "Very well." Hidding in wait, Sin watched as Scootaloo rubbed her head in frustration, her facial expressions changing in rapid succession, as if she was having some kind of silent argument with herself. 'You sure this'll work?' Critic asked. No, but it's the only trick I've got that can help this situation. 'Fair enough, but don't you feel a little bad that you're doing the same thing you hated your family for doing? Using manipulation tactics to get what you want?' Of course he felt a little bad, but this was for good consequence and reason. If Scootaloo wasn't willing to listen to him, than maybe the Nightmare posing as her own "inner voice" could convince her. 'Lucky for you she came up with that idea.' Critic quipped. Not really, she knows I'm serious about throwing her back to Luna now. It's only the Nightmare acting in her own better interests to snuggle up to me and make my life a little easier. The two sat in silence for a time until Sin felt the small chill in his head, announcing the return of the Alicorn of Insanity. 'How'd it go?' Asked Critic. "I could not convince Scootaloo to return to Ponyville." Nightmare Moon informed. Disappointing. "I was, however, able to convince her to consider the idea of speaking with Macintosh, it will not be any point in the near future, but it is something." Sin nodded his head and began making way back to the farm house, allowing Scootaloo to contemplate her thoughts in silence while he gained a full report. It wasn't fantastic news, but it did make him feel a little glad to know that his efforts weren't wasted. The foal's answer went from a resounding "no" to "maybe at some point", he could live with that. As he walked, the stallion stumbled accross Krystal sitting with her back to one of the larger rocks on the farm. Her usual tranquil appearance once again in full effect, save a few wrinkles of her brow. Sin knew she'd likely have a few choice words for him after what happened earlier and debated if he wanted to get the coming lecture out of the way now or later. With a shrug, he approached the mare, deciding it was better to clear the air while they were alone rather than involve anyone else. "Miss Melody." He said. Krystal let out a "hmm" and turned to look at him with wide eyed curiosity. At least until she saw who'd addressed her, at that point, her curiosity turned into disapproval and she turned up her nose with an audible humph. 'You're in trouble.' Am I ever not? "Did Scootaloo tell you what was bothering her?" Sin asked, garnering no reply from the off white pegasus, save her continued silence. "Okay? So you're just not going to talk to me, then?" Yet again, no reply. Sin pressed his lips, his mind wondering on if his intimidation of Scootaloo was the straw that might have just broken the camel's back on the girl's patience. There was a lot of deception against her between both he and the filly. The air was clearing up well enough now, but it was clear she wasn't used to being lied to as much as she was. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to continue on with them, after all, he hated liars too, but the situation called for deception. To be honest with her, prior to knowing how she'd take the truth, would be a foolish decision on his part. Shrugging, Sin began walking away once more but he was stopped upon Krystal finally saying something. "Why?" She asked, he turned. "Why did you do that to her?" Sin watched her for a moment, noting the single, open amber orb that was locked onto his. "She insulted a good friend of mine." He admitted. "A stallion who is honestly one of the best ponies I've ever met. A guy who'd offered her a better life, despite the fact she isn't his child." Krystal uncrossed her forelegs and asked the stallion to elaborate, he explained everything he felt relevant. That a stallion by the name of Macintosh was willing to adopt her, and that he was hurting knowing she wasn't with him now. As expected, the pony mare demanded that she be returned home immediately, chastising Sin for his lack of effort already, as expected. "I wish I could do so, but with as volatile as she is, it would be unwise to force her to go back, Krystal." "She's a filly though!" Krystal countered. "Filly's don't always do what's best for themselves, that's why they have guardians, to make them do what's best for themselves." "As true as that is, she's a flight risk. If she's willing to run into the Everfree forest to get away from her problems, it's not unreasonable to assume she'd run away from you or I to avoid them as well." That was not what the mare wanted to hear and she scrambled for a response, though she found nothing to say one way or the other. At least, nothing but the typical 'father knows best' rhetoric, but that was easy enough to dismiss by Scootaloo's lack of adherence to such a belief. "Ugh! This stinks!" She pouted, slamming her hoof onto the ground. "It isn't fair that she's doing that to him, though. Doesn't she care how her... you said he wasn't her Papa?" "No, but she was almost his adopted daughter." Krystal remarked on how dishonest it was on the filly's part to leave out that little detail when they'd spoken back in Appleloosa, but such was the way of secrets and half truths. "Doesn't she care how he feels in all of this?" "I believe... she does, but she's been betrayed, and she's still hurt over that. I think I can get her to go back in time, but not until she's ready." Sin said, giving Krystal a serious look. "Which is why I am asking you now: Do not press this issue with her." "But-" The mare began to protest, but Sin cut her off, reiterating his prior point of Scootaloo's instability and trust issues. Neither of them wanted her to run off into the badlands on her own. She was lucky to be found before she was mauled by wolves before, Sin couldn't garentee such fortune moving forward. Begrudgingly, Krystal accepted her lot in life and let out a depressing sound of misery. It was never fun to feel helpless toward those you cared about. "If it helps, I don't think I'll need to intimidate her again." Sin offered, trying to lift her spirits. The opposite effect was had, Krystal giving him a disapproving glare and reminding him that he was in the wrong for doing so. Thinking back on it, maybe he was, but Sin didn't like hearing condemnation towards what few good ponies there were in the world, especially those he cared about. "Hey guys." Both turned to find Scootaloo standing before them, looking somber. Sin nodded his acknowledgement and Krystal stood from her place and approached. Scootaloo's eyes trailed between the two for a moment and she sighed before speaking. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, to both of you. Krystal, you didn't deserve how mean I was to you. I hope you aren't mad at me." Sin flinched as a blur of grey and blue shot past him, Krystal snatching the filly into her grasp and hugging her tightly, an embrace that Scootaloo happily reciprocated. Of course, Krystal had already forgiven her for her misdeeds, but Sin waited for his own apology. "And I'm sorry for what I said to you, about... you know." The filly trailed off, now back on the ground with a comforting grey wing around her back. "I... I think you're right. Maybe I'm just being foalish about this whole thing. I'm not ready to go back just yet, but I think I will be soon." Sin also approached and lifted his hoof, pausing as he observed Scootaloo flinch as if he was going to strike her. He looked at Krystal for a moment then gently placed his frog upon the filly's shoulder, making the orange pegasus look up at him. "I'm glad you're considering it." The filly nodded elaborating on details Sin already knew, she was smiling again, which was good. It was a sad smile of acceptance, but it was better than seeing her with the constant scowl she'd had since Appleloosa. 'Can't believe I'm saying this, but good job, Nightmare.' Critic mused. Bitch though she may be, at least she had her uses. "Hey, it's almost supper time, let's get back to the farm house." Krystal suggested. Everyone agreed and slowly made way back to eat. Let's see here, after Dodge is the Lunar Plains... Towns to stop by: Carrotshire and Fleet Springs... Hollow Bastion is too far south to be feasible... good two days between each at a slow pace. And then we'll hit the Haysead Woods, nothing much there, but I'll have pleanty to bush craft with, so that shouldn't be an issue. Might wanna get some books in one of the towns to figure out the edibles and dangerous plants. 'Should be about a week in the woods, another day or two on the planes and then you'll hit the eastern coast off of the Celestial Sea, Horse Shoe Bay looks promising, only a little south of Baltimare. Critic added in. Sin looked over the map by candle light, plotting out the course and estimating the necessary provisions, Scootaloo did well enough for herself, but Krystal was a different matter entirely. The mare wasn't a little miss priss or anything, but she couldn't go a fucking day without complaining how much she needed a shower or other hygenics. Bathroom breaks were also an embarassing matter for her as well, it took he and Scootaloo pretending they were asleep before she'd finally relieve herself, after doing the "gotta go" dance, as she called it; for the better part of three hours. He dreaded to think how humiliated The blue maned pony would be when the other aspect came to pass. With a sigh, Sin jotted down a few more things to pick up once they hit Dodge City. Mainly things that revolved around toiletries. Trip planning always served to help him relax, to be in control, to plot, to anticipate and prepare always made him feel better. The Federalist never liked unknowns, unknowns were dangerous and unpredictable, it was unknowns that usually got you killed. Between being tracked by Luna's lackeys -a term he'd affectionately given them- the Trotski, and the Nightmare's influence on his emotions, he'd had enough of those to deal with already. Everyone was asleep now, Scootaloo and Angel taking refuge once again in Krystal's room, leaving Sin to himself for the night. He asked both of them to take inventory of their supplies, but Gem and Sandy had both offered to restock their food and water prior to leaving, which Sin was thankful for. By his estimates, they should have enough to get out of the Badlands easily enough, hopefully they'd run across some rivers or lakes along the way, but the Map wasn't detailed enough to tell him about anything so small. 'If worse comes to worse, you can just tie the tarp around a tree and let the excess pool.' That was a thought, but that wouldn't be enough for all three of them, especially considering how much time it would take to gather that much water, as well as purifying it. Funds were tight enough, and between three canteens and a gallon camal pack, getting between the two towns would be easy enough, but once they hit Haysead Woods, they'd be cut off from fresh water for a good few days, assuming it was as devoid of water as the map suggested. 'Could dig for it.' Again, another thought, but Sin was skeptical about the wasted time. Hopefully Carrotshire or Fleet Springs would have a more detailed map of the area. And hopefully it wouldn't be as bright and colorful as this one, Sin swore the thing was drawn up by a foal! It was detailed enough, even having mile markers and a grid, but was it really necessary to draw little buildings and trees like this? "Can't sleep?" Sin looked up to find Krystal standing in the door way that lead to the stairs, looking at him curiously in the dancing flickers of the candle light. Her typical ponytail and bandana were missing now, allowing her long, flowing mane to fall freely around her delicate neck and back in a cascade of electric blue locks, some of it nearly reaching down to her hooves. Her golden eyes were a mix of obvious exhaustion, but timid and calling curiosity. After a moment of him doing nothing but staring at her in the new light, the mare tilted her head and asked what Sin was looking at. It was only then that the stallion realized he hadn't said anything for the past ten seconds, too busy gawking at the brilliant display of beauty to speak. "Trip planning." Replied the Federalist, blowing a small bit of overgrown hair from his eyes before casting his gaze back to the map and scratching down a few notes in his note pad. He'd need to get a new one soon, between keeping a log of his memories vs the dreams and all of the activity it had received over the past few days, the pad was becoming a little too full for his liking. "What's going on?" The pony mare didn't say anything at first, but slowly drew into the room, taking a seat on the couch opposite him. "I, um, I actually wanted to ask you something. Well, a couple of something, really." "Shoot." He shrugged. Looking down at the parchment, Krystal noticed the thin lines plotted on the map and gasp with glee. "We're going to Horseshoe Bay?!" She gushed with a big grin. "Ohmigosh! We're going to see the ocean!?" Sin smirked at the enthusiasm and explained the rout to take, pointing and elaborating on a few things along the way. Krystal asked a few questions, mainly pertaining to bathroom breaks and showers like he'd expected, and was non-plused to hear about the lack of accommodations for her. "Such is the way of woodland travel." The stallion remarked. The mare rubbed her hooves together nervously. "Would it be alright if we took the train then? I see it go by all the time, but I've never been in one before." As much hope as she had for the prospect, Sin reminded her that both he and Scootaloo were fugitives from the law. Wondering into a towns and cities were bad enough in terms of pushing their luck, riding on trains, where others had little else to do but gawk at each other for hours on end didn't really appeal to his sense of conspicuousness. "Awww." Krystal whined quietly. The display making Sin feel low for his rejection of her idea. He was almost tempted to reconsider for the sake of bringing a smile to her face... almost. Though, he wasn't completely without a heart and, once Puddinghead was dealt with, offered to return to Dodge and ride with her between there and Appleloosa. "Really?!" The off white pony beamed, raising from her depressive slump. Sin nodded. What was the harm? He knew both towns, and neither posed much of a risk to his capture. Krystal bounced up and down in her seat, excited to finally be a passenger on the steam powered locomotive like it was a foalhood dream she finally got to indulge. Sin couldn't help but give a genuine smile under the typical, exhausted bags of his eyes. After all the drama and revelations that had happened lately, seeing some happiness and giddiness warmed his heart and made the heavy burdens of the world just a little lighter on his shoulders. "Wait, you promise, right? Papa said he was going to ride the train with me years ago, but never did." Krystal said, her giddiness haulting. Granite promised her that and didn't deliver? Knowing how disappointed she would be to hear a dream go unfulfilled? 'Dick.' "I promise." Sin answered, only to have Krystal extend her wing. "Make it a pegasus promise, If you make a pegasus promise, you have to keep it. Kay?" Said the pony, looking Sin square in the eye with uncharacteristic seriousness. "I've wanted to ride a train ever since I was little, and if you break your promise I'll never forgive you." Looking down at the offered appendage, Sin felt an unease to the obligation. He'd never made a promise to Krystal before, and refrained from them at all. He didn't see any reasons why he couldn't acquiesces the current request, and hoped nothing would come up to disappoint her yet again. He slowly put out his hoof, but found that it was his wing Krystal wanted to touch. It took a bit of effort, and a lot more discomfort into his shoulder blades than he'd have liked, but Sin managed to extend his own wing to meet hers. The primary feathers of Krystal's appendage tickling the sensitive feathers on his own made Sin bite down on his cheek to keep from laughing as they crossed together, shaking like hooves to seal the deal. Silence decended once again and Sin returned his attention to the map. Though he noticed his companion remained seated in her place, watcing him work with keen interest. "Something else?" He asked Krystal cleared her throat, looking a little embarrassed. "Well, I was just thinking, you know so much about Scootaloo and I, but neither of us really knows anything about you." Sin furrowed his brow, reminding her of what she did know, about him being a politician and survivalist, but Krystal was quick to point out that such things weren't what she meant. "I know about what you do already, but I don't know who you are as far as... um, oh darnit, how did Momma Sandy explain it? Like, I'm a rock farmer, but that's not who I am." Krystal explained in the best articulation she could manage. It was both a simple and difficult question, with an equally difficult answer. "I'm... not sure what you're asking." Sin said, honestly a little confused as to how he was supposed to answer the question. "Well, liiiiike, you're wings for instance. You have them, but you would rather me carry you around than use them. Why is that?" Sin groaned and looked away. He was still deciding if he ever wanted to fly or not. Part of him felt like he was betraying the memory of the relationship he and Malich used to have for even considering the idea. Though, another part reminded him of the hatred he had for his brother and argued that it was okay to fly like he was meant to. "It's complicated, I'm not really interested in talking about it." He answered, much to Krystal's chagrin. Though, the mare didn't lose hope and pushed for another topic to get to know him better. Asking about his childhood, which she had absolutely no experience in aside from home schooling. Though, again, Sin didn't give much of an answer. Honestly, there wasn't much to tell. He was a book worm who read up on the heavier topics like economics, philosophy and politics; finding his country's "education" system a complete and total joke. "Aside from it being full of reading and thinking, there wasn't much to it." "Okay." Krystal said, shifting uncomfortably from the total lack of connection she was able to get from him. "Well, what else was there?" "Else?" "Well, family for instance." The pegasus mare offered with a smile. "You know my brothers Obsidian and Scoria, as well as my mothers Gem and Sandy, but I don't know anything about your family." The topic gave Sin more than a little pause, causing his expression to darken a little before bouncing back to neutrality. "That's because there's nothing you need to know." Said Sin, giving Krystal the closest thing he could to reassuring dismissal. Though, she wasn't content to let the issue drop. Her questions weren't offensive or all that prying really, it was just the kinda things you asked friends and acquaintances you were trying to get to know a little better. "Can you at least tell me about somepony in your family? Anypony? Please?" She asked in a timid, foalish voice. Sin opened his mouth to reply in the negative, but made the fatal mistake of looking up at her prior to doing so. Her wide, doe like eyes were imploring him to open up, to give her some kind of connection to him besides his usual objective and standoffish analysis of whatever topic they spoke of. He felt conflicted over his answer, but ultimately settled for the truth of the matter. "My family isn't really something I like talking about. Sorry." Hoping that would be the end of that train of talk, Sin went back to the map. "That's what you say about everything, though." Krystal mumbled, sinking in her seat. "Every time I wanna talk about something other than what we're doing, you don't wanna talk about it." That was accurate to say, Sin was a private and secretive sort though. It wasn't anything against her as a pony, he just didn't like talking about himself. With a sigh, the mare glumly pushed herself from the couch, her eyes downcast and partially obstructed by her hair. "Alright, I understand." She said softly before wondering to the door. "Good night." Sin watched her go, a small pit forming in the bottom of his stomach as he watched the depressed mare slink away, leaving him alone once again. 'Dude, I think you should seriously consider just talking to her.' And what would you have had me say, Critic? That my grandfather is a manipulative bastard who's trying to stop consequence? That my father's a negligent and vengeful ass hole who killed my best friend? That I misguided my own brother into being a corporate anarchist who uses the government for his power to, allegedly, accumulate infectious changelings? That my mother... Gah! See, this is why I don't like talking about this kinda shit, nothing but depressive emo whining, and you know I can't stand whining. The debate continued, Critic imploring his charge be more open with those close to him, claiming that the Kid would greatly appreciate it if he would; with Sin countering that such a thing would only make them all more depressed if he did. It moved on from there to emotional appeals, Critic slowly poking away at Sin's sanity by spouting ridiculous ideas about how it wasn't really complaining, so much as an explanation and connection. Finally, the Federalist grew tired of arguing and dismissed the voice, settled back into trip planning, the crestfallen mare's expression burning holes of guilt into Sin's concentration. The Kid's emotional manipulations picking up where Critic left off. Sin hated feeling confused, and he really hated wondering if he might be wrong. Between the fact he was keeping both Krystal and Scootaloo in the dark, the fact he knew a great deal about both of them, the talk Granite had with him earlier, and the revolations he'd come to with Critic, the stallion wasn't sure what the best course of action was. One one hoof, his past was depressing as all fuck, but on the other, proximity and interaction did bring him some a sense of satisfaction. It felt good when Krystal expressed her appropriation... especially physically. But would she be able to accept his actions back in the Federation? The things he looked forward to? If he told her about his family, there wasn't a doubt in his mind he'd be questioned about all of the relivant details. Yea, Krystal was a Life Worshiper, but so were Macintosh, Spike and... Uppity. Of course, none of them knew exactly what he did or the way he thought either, would they have accepted him if they had known? Would he even be allowed in this country if his honest consequentialist views were admitted to? That he loved consequences for actions rendered, regardless of whatever toll they took? Well, Spike did know of his views on account of that one little encounter, and his reaction was nothing short of disgusted and horrified to the point he couldn't even stand Sin explaining it. Rubbing his eyes with his hooves, Sin slumped back into his chair and slowly let his mind drift to sleep. It was an odd feeling, not knowing what to do. Maybe a good nightmare would help him clear his mind.